Projects, Lessons & Love Songs
by IAmAutumnDawn
Summary: After the surprising demise of her relationship, a broken Bella relies on her friends and one night stands to make it through. But the appearance of a handsome, green-eyed stranger takes her breathe away.  Can he be the keeper of her elusive "O" & more?
1. The Stuff of Legends

**Author's Note:** _Thanks without end to my hardworking, dedicated Beta and Smut Dealer. Without you, I might never have stumbled upon the addictive world of FanFiction or found the confidence to reveal my inner sexual deviant. You are an incredible woman and I am so very grateful you agreed to stick with me every step of the way through this process. You will never know how much your friendship, trust, faith, encouragement and support have meant to me. You are absolutely extraordinary._

_Many thanks to the amazing Stephenie Meyer for introducing me to a world far better than my own. Your work is a beacon for me, shining through my dreary sleep, waking me from my ever lasting slumber and inspiring me to make my own dreams come true - just like you._

_Last, but most definately not least, endless thanks to my parents, family and friends who have always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. I am so very blessed to have all of you in my life, although I hope that you never read this. Holidays just might be awkward if you discover how warped my brain really is._

_And to those of you taking the time to read my work - you are a vital part of my story. For the first time in my life, I've opened my mind and heart for the world and given you the most personal gift I have to give. By reading these words, you have become a part of my life - I anxiously await your responses and feedback._

**Disclaimer**: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. Everything else is the property of my warped little mind._

**Warning**: _Let's start this story off with a little slice of lemon._

**Approx**: _7 Pages/ __3,273 Words_

**CHAPTER 1: THE STUFF OF LEGENDS **

"Table eight. Black slacks, black jacket, red tee shirt and sneakers. Find out what he's drinking, then bring him and a bottle back in ten." Felix gave me his all-knowing smirk before nodding and heading towards the bar. The guy at table eight wasn't my usual type, but the pickings were slim tonight and I figured he would suffice. The outfit was a definite turn-on, I just wasn't sure how attractive he'd be once I got him out of it.

That's where the alcohol came in.

"Bella, we're going to head out to catch a midnight movie. You wanna come along?" Alice could barely hide her skepticism. They all knew by now how I planned to spend the rest of my night.

"And watch you perform mouth to mouth on Jasper all night long while Em and Rose get arrested for indecent exposure? I think I'll pass." I rolled my eyes for added effect.

Ali pouted at me, widening her doe eyes to complete her perfect wounded puppy look. I turned away quickly before she could pull me in to do her bidding and walked off to our dressing room, dismissing my band mates with a wave of my hand.

_They all had somebody, why was it so hard for them to let me have somebody too?_

_So what if it was a different somebody every night of the week? Is that so wrong?_

I had tried the committed relationship thing and it had bombed.

I gave James three years of my life. In fact, I couldn't remember my first years in Forks without being blinded by memories of him. I could still perfectly picture how he had so brazenly flirted with me during my first day at Forks High. I could vividly recall how surprised I was when he asked me to the girl's choice dance, too impatient to wait and see if I would ask him.

I could still remember the way he pressured me to give it up on prom night. I insisted I wasn't ready, but he eventually wore me down. I'll give him this much, he went all out with the romance. There had been roses and candles and twinkle lights and soft music. That didn't stop it from hurting like hell when he popped my cherry or from absolutely disgusting me when he came after only three thrusts.

I'd like to say that the sex had been terrible because it was our first time and we were awkward teenagers, but that was always how things were with James. Foreplay was non-existent and it never took more than a few quick thrusts for him to get off. I was lucky if I even had time to get turned on; I had yet to achieve an orgasm, with or without James.

Yep, that was what I gave up my scholarship for. I gave up a full ride to Florida State University to play house with a minute man. He planned to attend Washington State on a football scholarship and convinced me to stay behind for the sake of our happily ever after. And the band.

I realize now that I had never really believed in a happily ever after with James. I came from parents who divorced shortly after my birth and then moved as far away from each other as the continental United States would allow. That doesn't leave much in the way of positive romantic influences. How was I to know that I was just settling?

Therefore, it came as a complete surprise to me when the whole thing fell apart in the middle of one of our performances. James came with some of his team mates to watch us play, but disappeared right before our break. He had a habit of drinking more beer than his bladder could possibly handle, so I assumed he would be locked in the john for a while. I wandered into the ladies' room to take care of business myself when I heard the grunting and moaning. I would have walked away and given the couple some privacy if the groaning hadn't been so damn familiar.

There was three-stroke James, banging the skanky head cheerleader against the bathroom stall. Victoria was a porn star in the making – big hair, fake tits, panties around her ankles and a white cheerleader's skirt up around her hips - striking a series of cum faces like she was posing for freaking Polaroids.

For a month after that, I rejected James' pleas for forgiveness. Despite his numerous requests, I did not allow him to "explain" why it wasn't what it looked like. Not a single rose, teddy bear or box of chocolates made it past my door. I ignored all of his phone calls, e-mails, voicemails and texts until the day that he called to tell me that Victoria was pregnant.

Four months pregnant, to be exact.

Which meant that he had been fucking that whore for at least three months before I found them that night in the bathroom at New Moon.

I had given James everything. My high school memories. My first kiss. My virginity. My heart. I had poured my hopes and dreams into a future with him and he had crushed them, leaving me with nothing but the best angry songs I had ever written. My loss was the band's gain and my anger, hurt and misplaced passion set us on fire like never before. The band was all I had left, so I gave it my all now.

That left little time for finding "Mr. Right" and falling in love, not that I had any interest in trying that shit out again anyways. So, when the rest of the band wanted to go out, I immediately passed. The only thing worse than being the fifth wheel was the way that they all looked at me, or tried to set me up, or catered to me or worse…_didn't_ cater to me. Instead, I've found other ways to field off loneliness and reduce my stress.

Turns out that a lot of guys fantasize about one night stands with rock stars. Since there aren't any rock stars in Forks, Washington, that leaves me second in command.

I opened our dressing room door to find Felix finishing up with the nightly disclaimer.

"This is not the beginning of a relationship. You will not be allowed to talk, call, e-mail or contact Ms. Swan again in any way after this night is over. If you have any objections to these guidelines, please feel free to leave now."

The handsome stranger looked up to catch me in the doorway with a mischievous glint in his eye. His gaze wandered from my thigh high boots and over the little skin that was visible below my black mini-skirt. His gaze trailed over my tattered black skull-and-crossbones t-shirt, eyeballing the red bra that was plainly visible beneath the strategically placed slashes. When our eyes finally met, he licked his lips provocatively and I could feel the moisture pooling between my thighs. I downed my scotch before making my way over to the bottle on the counter. Apparently, he was a bourbon man. That would have to do. I poured my glass full, downed it all in one swallow and quickly refilled.

Felix rested his hand lightly on the crook of my arm before I was able to down the second glass.

"You're good to go. My man Riley here seems anxious to show you a good time." He chuckled slyly. "I'll be right outside. Call me if you need me." As the door closed behind Felix, I slowly brought the glass to my mouth and sipped, feeling the bourbon burn all the way down to the bottom of my empty stomach.

"So, you like bourbon?" Riley asked from the couch behind me.

Without turning to face him, I responded. "Do you want to talk or do you want to fuck?"

Riley cleared his throat before lowering his voice in an attempt to sound seductive. "What if I want to do both?"

I finally turned around to face him, leaning back against the make-up counter. I swished the bourbon around in the tumbler before taking another fiery drink. "Unless you plan on saying something to turn me on or make me cum, I could care less about talking."

Riley rose stealthily from the couch and slinked across the small room, closing the distance with three strides of his long, lean legs. He lunged, grabbing my hips and devouring my jaw, throat and collar bone with untamed passion and desire. He pressed the length of his tall frame up against my body, the solid bulge in his tight pants pressing firmly against my quaking stomach.

The sandy haired man stepped back in order to grab the hem of my shirt and quickly tore it over my head, leaving my mahogany hair to cascade softly down, tickling my bare skin. His square jaw set, causing it to tense provocatively near his ear. I leaned in and quickly licked up along his jaw line, until I could reach and nibble on his ear lobe. He groaned, eagerly rubbing his throbbing shaft against me. I ran my fingers from his tight abdomen, up over his pecks and slid my fingers under the lapel of his heavy black jacket, slowly peeling it off of his arms until it fell thickly to the floor.

He quickly removed his tight red t-shirt so that I could appreciate the chiseled lines of his washboard stomach and defined chest. The bourbon wasn't necessary after all; despite looking a little lanky in clothes, this dude definitely worked out. _Hot damn!_

His strong arms wound around me, making quick work of my bra, throwing it somewhere behind the couch once my arms were free. He lowered his mouth to my tits, popping my pert nipples between his lips and tugging on them quickly before flicking his tongue rapidly across each throbbing peak. His fingers wandered up my thighs, hot flesh against hot flesh. His hands gripped the back of my thighs, massaging as they meandered up under my skirt, over my tight ass. Without warning, his thumbs hooked into the waist band of my thong and pulled it down over my high heeled boots in one swift move.

He smoothly lifted me onto the counter, sliding between my parted knees and pulling me forward so that he could rub his rock hard bulge deliciously against my sweet spot. I threw my head back and moaned with delight as he returned his attention to my breasts. My pussy was humming with excitement. When Riley stepped back to unbuckle his belt, I traced my own fingers along my inner thigh, up to my moist folds until I found my expectant center. I was barely conscious of the sound of his zipper and the tearing of foil as I slid my finger over the wetness to press down in tight little circles on my eager clit. My muscles clenched and unclenched repeatedly, anxious to feel him moving inside of me, anxious to have this unending pressure finally relieved.

Riley swatted my hand away and quickly pushed into me with a grunt. Through the smooth rubber, I could feel the veins and ridges of his cock as they slid past my hypersensitive walls. I clamped down tightly around him, wanting to feel every inch of his dick against every inch of my waiting core. With my muscles tense around him, he pulled out and thrust in again. The sensation his head made as it pulled out from my tight center was absolutely mind-blowing.

I clamped down even tighter, trying desperately to suck him back in. With that, he thrust forward, shooting volts of electricity from my pussy to the rest of my aching, coiled body. He maintained a steady, pulsing rhythm as I continue to tighten and loosen my muscles, shifting my hips ever so slightly so that each thrust brought an entirely new euphoric sensation.

His thrusts quickened and I could feel my tits swaying hypnotically back and forth with the movement. The room was silent except for our rapid breathing.

I was close. I could feel the trembling developing in my legs. The pressure building in my clit was extraordinary, and too much, and not enough all at the same time. The knot in my stomach was pulling inconceivably tighter and yet, I knew, it had never been closer to completely unraveling. This was it. Dear, sweet Riley was going to give me my very first orgasm.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, pressing my heels into his tight ass, spurring him on. With my coaxing he began to plow into me, burying himself deeper and deeper into my tight, dripping slit. The pounding increased and I wrapped my arms around him, gripping his broad, strong shoulders, pressing my breasts against his heated chest. Our nipples danced past each other, gliding easily through the light sheen of perspiration that now covered us. It heightened the experience and I was so close to cumming that my pussy was now consistently clenched tightly around his large, throbbing dick, milking him for the epiphany that I so strongly desired.

He was grunting with exertion now, his hands on the mirror behind me for added leverage. I was moaning with anticipation. Then, I was suddenly transported back to that night in the ladies' room. James' grunting. Victoria's moaning. A skirt hitched up around a girl's hips because she was too eager to get fucked to get undressed. Hands pushing against the wall.

The building pressure ceased and quickly receded.

_There would be no flood of pleasure for me tonight._

The dam was back up and was once again indestructible. Riley would not help me find my release after all.

Anger and hatred and resentment flushed the lust clean from my system. My fists clenched and my face flushed as Riley hammered into me once more, his cock twitching inside of me with his release.

_Motherfucker._

He was so caught up in getting his rocks off that he hadn't even caught on to the fact that I was now laying beneath his sweating, heaving body, seething with fury. _Is that all men care about? Getting theirs!_ My stomach roiled and I momentarily contemplated throwing up all over his satisfied body.

Instead, I pushed him off of me, grabbed the bottle of bourbon and jumped down from the counter. I found my shirt a few feet away where Riley had thrown it and hurriedly pulled it on in an attempt to abate my growing disgust. I swigged violently from the bottle, coughing as some of the alcohol splashed into my wind pipe, burning me.

_I welcomed the burn._

I teetered around the dressing room, picking up his shirt and throwing it at him viciously. Having recovered from his orgasmic haze, Riley steadfastly tucked himself back into his pants, obviously fearing for the safety of his now flaccid cock.

"Get dressed and get out." I seethed, flopping down onto the couch with my bottle of bourbon.

"What the fuck?" Riley screeched, slipping into his tight red tee. "I thought we were having a good time?"

_Were all men this insanely blind? Was there not a man on the planet who could tell whether or not a woman was "having a good time"?_

I stood on shaky legs and glared. I staggered towards him, the alcohol really starting to make me a little unsteady on my feet. He flinched as I bent down in front of him. _What, did he think I was gonna bite his dick like an animal or something?_ I picked up his jacket and shoved it into his face with all of my strength.

"Get the fuck out." The words were low and husky and pure venom.

He grabbed at his jacket, ripping it from my hands. "You're one fucking crazy bitch, you know that?" He spewed, yanking the door open and storming out.

Although I made Felix give the "one night only" disclaimer before each of my little trysts, no one had yet to attempt a repeat performance. I'd been called a "crazy bitch" more times than I care to recall, but how long could a person be expected to maintain a constant state of sexual frustration before going a little bonkers?

I sunk my miserable, horny, unfulfilled ass back onto our couch, hugging the bourbon to my chest like a life preserver. As quickly as the lust and anger had taken hold, they flooded out of me, leaving me void of emotion. Yep, just another failed night in the life of Bella Swan.

A handsome face ducked under the door frame, peering at me with intense concern. The rest knew it was bad, but only Felix had actually seen me like this. He was the only one with the strength to stand by my side, to hold my hand as I confronted this demon again and again, only to pick up the alcohol-drenched pieces after it all fell apart.

He stepped across the threshold, all 6'7" of him dwarfing the door as he closed it behind him.

We didn't need words anymore. We had relived this night over and over until we had every step coordinated like a complex waltz. He reached the couch with one long stride and sat beside me, his long, muscular arms circling around me, drawing me protectively against his side. His hand engulfed the bottle and he drank generously before handing it back to me.

"Nothing?" he asked tentatively.

"Almost."

"James and Victoria?"

I nodded sulkily. "Fucking James and Victoria."

"He didn't realize?"

"Not a fucking clue." I drank to the cluelessness of Riley and all the men before him.

"We could try again, if you want? I could do some research this time…"

"I don't think you could even get it up for me again. Besides, all I would be thinking about is Demetri." I looked up into my towering friend's warm face.

"That's okay, I'd probably be thinking about Demetri, too." He smirked and with that, the emotional void was broken and I could smile again.

Felix played football with James in High School. I won custody of his friendship when James screwed me over and Felix saw him for the dickwad he truly was. It was the best thing I had gotten out of my three years with him.

Although tons of girls had eagerly thrown themselves at my friend - the giant - no one had ever piqued his interest.

About a month after James left me, Felix helped throw me a pity party. We played Guitar Hero until the alcohol made our motor functions dangerous. Then, we settled onto the couch and talked for hours. After I confessed my lack of sexual gratification, Felix felt the need to unburden his questionable sexuality. In our drunken stupor, we agreed that it was in our best interest to have sex. Felix felt confident if anyone could get me to climax, it would be him, and I boasted if any woman could make him straight, it would be me.

An hour later, as we drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, Felix finally accepted that he was indeed as gay as gay could be. In exchange for being unable to deliver the earth-shattering climax he felt I so deserved, he vowed then and there to help me scour the earth for the one man who could.

Three months after "Project Orgasm" began, I was beginning to believe that such a man was purely the stuff of legends.

**A/N:** _Go on…push my sensitive little review button and tell me how you like it…you know you want to…_

**SHOUT OUT:** _Special thanks to RadVan for being my first dedicated reviewer! Your devoted reviews were a great source of motivation to me at a time when I was worried my work wouldn't have an audience. Thanks so much for the support!_


	2. My Girl

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. My brain is responsible for spewing all the other nonsense._

Warning: _Oooh, here's a little twist of lime for ya!_

Approx: _**10 Pages/**__ 5,003 Words_

**CHAPTER 2: MY GIRL **

"Ugh! Gag me!" I said as I slipped into the Hale's basement. Jasper appeared to be trying to dislodge something from Alice's throat solely with the use of his tongue. Having sufficiently distracted them from their intense make-out session, I went about setting up the equipment for practice.

Wednesdays are always our "Jam Days". My sexual frustrations had led to the development of three new angst-ridden songs that the crew wanted to try out.

Jazz threw on a t-shirt, leaving Alice to button herself up.

_Geez, these two really needed to get a room._

The irony was not lost on me that my songs about unrequited love and unresolved sexual tension were being backed up by two sexed up, loving couples. Fate can be so cruel.

The lovebirds had all mentioned a desire for something more upbeat; a need for at least one of our songs to have a happy ending. Unfortunately, that was not something my brain was currently capable of grasping and Alice's few attempts at writing a love song turned into what we affectionately dubbed "Bubblegum Pop". The sound was simply all wrong for us and no matter how we tried to tweak it, Eclipse simply couldn't make it work. So, until Mr. Orgasmo walked into my life and rocked my world, or until the others developed a wicked writing streak, we were stuck with my angry, sexually frustrated tunes.

Emmet and Rosalie fell into the room, man-handling each other like a couple entering their honeymoon suite. I cleared my throat loudly as Alice giggled behind me.

_Leave it up to Ali to find this funny._

With his paws still firmly gripping Rosie's ass, Em looked up at us with lazy eyes. "Wha'?" he grunted in all his caveman splendor.

"Do you think you can keep your hands off Rosie long enough for us to jam, or what?" I asked, more amused that honestly frustrated.

Emmett studied Rose carefully, his mouth twisting to the side as if he were honestly deliberating. Then he huffed. "Nope. Sorry kid. I thought about it…_really, I did_…but I don't see that happening anytime soon, Bells." He kissed her passionately once more before wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her farther into the room.

I rolled my eyes at them and turned back to Ali for a sign of solidarity, only to find her wrapped in Jazz's embrace with her hands on his chest, looking up into his eyes adoringly.

I should have known better.

"If you guys insist on continuing the orgy, I'm out." I stamped my foot and crossed my arms over my chest, becoming less amused and more irritated by the second.

Emmet let go of Rose to come up behind and wrap his thick arms around me. "Aw, did Bella have another epic fail last night? Don't throw a hissy fit, sweetie! We still love you!" The rest of the gang huddled in, embracing me in a massive group hug. I wanted to be pissed…but I loved them too much and found myself grinning grudgingly.

"Okay, okay. Now get your dirty hands off of me you sex fiends!" I shouted playfully, shoving my way through the fleshy cage.

"Look who's talking, nympho." Rosalie added slyly with a sideways glance as she picked up her bass reverently. Jazz and Rose began tuning their guitars as Emmet slid in behind the drums to warm up.

I hadn't noticed that the pixie hung behind for a private moment with me. Al took my hands in hers, her doe eyes boring deeply into mine, entrancing me. When Ali looked at me like that, there were no secrets or lies – I would have to give her whatever she asked me for. I personally think that the government should send her to Iraq for a one-on-one with Al Quida. Five minutes under Ali's gaze and they would personally escort her to Bin Ladin's cave and convince him that it was safe to come out. My friend was absolutely lethal.

"Bella, you know after James that I supported you going out and enjoying yourself. You were always the good girl and you spent so much time absorbed in that asshole that you never got to go out and just let loose. But I'm worried about you. Haven't you noticed it's only getting worse? Frankly, you're getting bitchier with every passing day, sweetie."

I harrumphed, tilting my head up defiantly.

"You can't go on like this forever. Have you ever considered that you're going about this all wrong? Instead of searching for the guy with the golden penis, maybe you should be looking for the guy with the heart of gold?" She looked meaningfully at Jasper and his face beamed with the force of his responding smile.

"Alice, I'm not ready for that. I don't even know if I believe in love and all that shit. Look, I'm happy you found Jazz and I have every confidence that you two will live happily ever after. Same goes for Rose and Em. You're all perfect for each other - really, you are. I just don't see that in the cards for me, alright? And I don't understand why everyone thinks I need to live up to their expectations. Women stood up for our rights to live our lives the way we want, without feeling pressured to conform to society's standards of what is and is not appropriate behavior for a lady. So if I wanna get fucked by a different guy every night of the week, I don't understand why my best friend has to judge me for that." I pulled my hands out from hers, feeling like a petulant child, but desperately needing to disconnect.

"Bella, it's not that I have a problem with you having sex and you know I could care less about conforming to mainstream expectations. I just think you're going about this all wrong. Isn't the point to reach the elusive "O"?"

I nodded glumly.

"Well, I read this article in Cosmo that said that women are different than men because we need more than physical gratification in order to achieve release." I silently cursed Cosmo. "Unlike the Neanderthals that we choose to sleep with, we need a deeper connection. They've actually done, like, studies of the brain that prove that we need to feel safe, desired and loved in order to achieve the ultimate release. I don't think you're going to find that with a random man every night of the week."

"Psychology is bullshit, Al." I rolled my eyes at my tiny, brain-washed friend.

"Don't tell my father that."

"Plenty of women enjoy casual sex." I retorted stubbornly

"Yeah, but apparently, you're not one of them." She stared at me pointedly.

I huffed again, crossing my arms and looking over her head.

"Do you know what the definition of stupidity is, Bella? It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." She folded her arms, mimicking my stance, glaring at my stubborn expression.

Sensing our stand-off, Emmet jumped in. "Are we fighting or are we jamming? I mean, I'm all for the fighting if you want. Rose can go get your bikinis while Jazz and I set up the kiddy pool with Jello. Actually, that sounds kind of hot. What kind of Jello do we have, Jazz?"

Jazz piped in with his best cheesy announcer voice. "Well I'm glad that you would ask, Em! For today's frisky girl-on-girl action, we've arranged for fifty pounds of tropical fruit Jello made with Bacardi Coconut Rum! The winning femme fatale gets to be eaten out, er, I mean, eaten…off…of?" Jasper finished with a face splitting grin.

"Fuck yeah, I'm in!" yelled Rose, jumping in on the action.

Ali and I faced off, struggling to maintain our defiant stances until we both doubled over with laughter. Crisis averted once again by the best kick-ass friends a girl could have.

We jammed for about five hours before Esme wandered down into the basement. She lounged in one of the bean bag chairs and listened as we finished off "Fire Within". It was one of the songs I had introduced this morning and we had spent a good part of the afternoon polishing it up. Rose and Jasper added a fuck-awesome guitar duel to the song, perfectly accentuating the lyrics about the war of the sexes. Mrs. Hale proudly watched as her children battled it out in complex guitar riffs, their tunes actually complementing each other more than competing. She jumped up and clapped excitedly as the final notes reverberated in our make-shift studio.

The Hales were the polar opposites of my family. Where my dad, Charlie, was introverted, quiet and emotionally distant, Dr. Carlisle Hale was eloquent and charming and warmly affectionate. As my parents had a whirlwind romance, a shotgun wedding and a short lived marriage, Carlisle and Esme were childhood friends who fell in love during high school, married while in college and continued to share a tangibly passionate flame for one another. My mother was scatterbrained and spontaneous where as Esme was coordinated, insightful and overwhelmingly thoughtful.

Despite raising twins, Esme and Carlisle were incredibly aware of their children's individuality and carefully cultivated their differences while fostering an environment of mutual understanding and support. Although I knew my parents loved me unendingly, I doubted they really knew me. Somehow, the details had gotten lost in the shuffle between my two homes. Dad knew Washington Bella, Mom knew Florida Bella and not even I knew who I was in between.

Dr. and Mrs. Hale thoroughly encouraged our involvement in the band. As such, they were our biggest financial contributors, making up for the funds that our meager jobs were unable to cover. Upon graduation, they had converted their basement into a studio for us on the condition that Jasper and Rosalie enroll full time in the pursuit of a college degree. They didn't care what degrees they chose, as long as it made them happy. For the time being, Jazz and Rose were taking courses online so that they could devote as much time as possible to the band. We had at least a year and a half to try and make it before they would have no choice but to start physically attending classes on campus, leaving us with little time to work on our music. With a deadline looming over us, we poured everything we had into breaking onto the scene.

In the meantime, the Hales had adopted all of us warmly into their family, their home and their hearts without a second thought. Their only reward for doing so was our unending gratitude and our adoption of the terms "Momma Hale" and "Big Daddy C".

Right now, Momma Hale threw herself at us, embracing each of us, gushing over how talented we were and how proud she was to be able to say "She knew us when." She took Rose and Jasper's faces in her hands, squishing their cheeks until their mouths puckered and made googly noises at them, her pride so overwhelming that she was now rendered incapable of coherent speech. Rose and Jazz pulled away, pretending to struggle in embarrassment, even though there was no real animosity in their actions. The rest of us laughed warmly, secretly wishing in the depths of our hearts that we had parents who loved us like that.

When Esme finished squishing and hugging and kissing, she let us know that she had ordered pizza and would be calling us up shortly to eat, so it was time for us to wash up. With a gleeful wave of her hand, she dashed up the stairs, leaving us to put everything away.

I made it to the New Moon Bar about five minutes before my shift started. Felix hugged me at the door, warning me "Demetri is bringing someone along later that he thinks you might be interested in."

"What? Demetri's setting me up now too? What the hell! He hardly even knows me!" I was screaming under my breath, if that is at all possible.

"First of all, he knows more about you than you think. Trust me, a man knows all there is to know about his boyfriend's fag hag. You think I don't know Gianna's secrets, in and out? Secondly, of course he is setting you up. For the time being, I'm spending more of my nights trying to get you off instead of trying to get him off. If you were in his shoes, you'd be trying to rush 'Project Orgasm' along too." He chuckled and kissed me sweetly on the forehead before smacking me on the ass. "Now off with you woman! Get to work!"

I wandered through the semi-empty bar to the lockers to pull out my apron and notepad before stowing my purse safely away for the night.

Wednesdays were always quiet. Jessica and I were the only two on shift and, from time to time when we had nothing to do, we would put some music on the juke box and dance on the tables for tips from the lonely, drunken regulars. Mike was flying solo at the bar and I caught his eyes wandering appreciatively over Jessica's body as she moved. She caught him, too, suddenly aiming her undulating hips more often than not in his direction to see if she could get a rise out of him.

Later that night, it didn't go unnoticed that she and Mike happened to disappear for their fifteen minute breaks at exactly the same time.

_Was everyone in this fucking town getting off except for me? Fates, what did I do to piss you off so thoroughly?_

There wasn't even a single man in the place that looked remotely fuckable. What a waste.

Around eleven thirty, as Mike was wiping down the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face, Demetri wandered in. He grabbed Felix's ass and squeezed as he passed, ushering a thin, dark skinned, fresh faced young man into the bar. He barely looked old enough to be there. _You have got to be kidding me._ I was young, but I was not _that_ young.

I rolled my eyes and strolled over to them, anxious to get this little meet-and-greet over with so that I could give Felix a thorough tongue lashing on behalf of his boyfriend. I glared at the giant, giving him a brief glimpse of my disapproval. He shrugged his broad shoulders apologetically, silently acknowledging that he did not approve of Demetri's choice either.

As I reached the duo, the young man looked down nervously at his shuffling feet. _Sweet Jesus, this kid was probably a virgin. _Demetri placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed each cheek pretentiously. The hulk and I really needed to have a talk about his taste in men.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my friend Tyler. Tyler, this is Bella."

With his head still hanging low, Tyler cocked his head sideways and looked up at me through his lashes. "Hi." For an inexperienced little runt, I had to give him props – that shy little look was a turn on.

I pursed my lips and looked him up and down. He had a class ring, so he was probably legal, if not on the verge of being legal. Up close, he was taller than I had first estimated. When he reached manhood and filled out, he was going to be a big guy. Broad shoulders, long legs, lean arms. He had dimples, which added to his boyish charm, and solemn, green-gray eyes.

He noticed my subtle evaluation and returned my appraising look, lifting his head and smiling a little more confidently when I seemed please by what I saw.

"Tyler, I haven't had my break yet. Would you like to come hang out with me so that Demetri and Felix can spend some time together?"

One side of his mouth lulled up into a cocky smirk as he picked up my hand and placed it on the inside of his elbow. He gestured forward with his other hand. "Lead the way, Bella. I'm all yours."

Demetri pursed his lips, pleased by his little match-made-in-heaven. Beyond his shoulder, Felix's brows furrowed, his eyes widened and his mouth dropped incredulously. I shrugged and mouthed "Why not?"

Jessica caught my eye as I waded through the tables. With a subtle nod of her head, she let me know she'd cover for me. "Have fun." She called with a wink.

I led Tyler through the back of the club into the closet that had been turned into the band's dressing room. I released his arm to close the door and lock it behind us. Tyler wandered around the room, running his fingers along the couch and director's chair appreciatively. "Nice. Who decorated?"

"My pseudo-mom, Esme. She's amazing."

I leaned back against the door, my hand tightly gripping the door knob as I now noticed the way his shoulder shifted beneath his blue dress shirt. He was wearing dress slacks that fit snugly at the waist and accentuated his round buttocks. Apparently, he thought a one night stand called for dressing up. I had to admit, the kid had style.

He looked over his shoulder to find me pressed against the door, squeezing my thighs together in anticipation, my breasts heaving with the rapid tempo of my breaths. Maybe this was the way to go. Maybe an inexperienced kid would be the one who would be so nervous about pleasing me that he took care of my needs before worrying about his own. Or, maybe his insecurity, innocence and curiosity would lead him to try something new, something that no one else had tried before. I was suddenly very anxious to find out how this might turn out.

He registered my excitement and spun around, slowly stalking up to me. In that moment, all thoughts about his innocence and youth disappeared. He squared his shoulders, set his jaw, flexed his forearms, and the person that was quickly approaching me was one hundred percent man.

"Oh, Bella." He groaned.

His mouth sought out mine and I turned my head away, causing his full lips to settle on my quivering jaw instead. My evasion went unnoticed as he slid his tongue down my neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive flesh of my throat and collarbone. His hands slid up underneath my shirt and he began kneading my breast over my bra. I arched my back, pushing my tits harder against the palm of his warm, eager hand.

"Do you like that?" His voice was low and husky.

"Yes, Tyler. Don't stop." I coaxed, my head lulling back to give him better access to lap at my exposed throat. My hands wandered over his lean arms and around his trim waist until I was cupping his strong, round ass, pulling him tightly against my aching crotch. He let out a guttural noise from deep within his throat.

"I've never done this before, Bella. You have to let me know what you want. Tell me how you like it." My nipples tightened at the throaty desire evident in his voice.

"You've never had sex before?" I asked, confirming what I had assumed from the start.

He licked seductively from my collarbone, up my throat, and along my jaw, nipping at the sensitive spot by my ear. "No. I've never had sex with a woman, before." He bit down softly on my earlobe as his words sunk in through the lust induced haze in my brain.

"What?" My voice was a strained whisper.

He continued to lick and suck and kiss and bite. "You're the first woman I've ever had sex with."

I placed the palm of my hands flat against his chest and pushed him back so that I could look him square in the eye. "Am I to understand you've had sex with _men_ before, Tyler?"

He shrugged, appearing confused. "Well, yeah. Demetri said you'd be cool with that."

My hands started trembling. My teeth were grinding together so tightly that I had no choice but to speak through them. "What else did Demetri tell you?"

Tyler audibly gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down with the effort. Cue the return of the little boy. "Um, he said that I shouldn't identify myself as gay until I'd at least slept with one woman to know if I liked it. He said that you did that for Felix and that was how Felix got up the nerve to come out of the closet."

My vision went red. My heart was in my throat, making it impossible to breathe. My nostrils flared widely, trying in vain to improve my chances of getting much needed oxygen to my brain.

Feeling awkward, Tyler rambled on to fill the uncomfortable silence. "You see, my boyfriend really wants me to come out of the closet. We've been sneaking around for a year now and he's tired of hiding. He thinks I don't want to come out because I'm ashamed to be with him, but that's not it. I mean, I think I love him, you know? But, telling everyone that I'm gay is a big deal and it's not something I want to do unless I'm absolutely sure. I mean, once I come out of the closet, I can't really go back in, right? Plus, we're both on the football team, so if we come out, things could get really awkward and I'm worried that things might change for us, or that the rest of the guys might try stupid shit in the showers or something. I just…I just don't know what to do. I like my life and I don't want to fuck things up just to prove something to people, ya know?" Tyler was pacing back and forth through his rant and finally slouched down onto the couch, appearing exhausted from explaining himself. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew. Or maybe I knew you didn't and I was just lying to myself. I don't know anything anymore."

My maternal instincts bubbled to the surface and I found myself wanting to coddle the man-boy that I had planned to fuck only minutes ago. I sat down beside him, running my fingers through his hair tenderly, gently caressing his shoulder and arms in an attempt to soothe him. I put my arm around him and he rested his head on my shoulder, finally absorbing the silence that surrounded us.

After a moment, he sat up so that he could look me in the eye. His fingertips grazed along my temple, pushing my hair behind my ear before he cupped my cheek in his hand. "You really are beautiful, you know that, right?"

The corners of my mouth puckered with a barely there grin. "Thank you, Tyler."

He glanced down sadly. "I really did want to do it, you know. Do you think that makes me straight or bisexual or something?"

I swallowed, my mouth dry from the deep turn our encounter had taken. "I don't know, Tyler. Sex is sex. It's intimate and passionate and hot. I don't think getting turned on by the idea of having sex with anybody makes you particularly straight or gay or bi. The idea of getting off in and of itself is a freaking turn on, right? But, if you really want help figuring it out, I know someone you can talk to." I stood up, striding over to a notepad and pen on the make-up counter. I jotted down the information, ripped the page out of the pad and crossed back over to the little, confused boy sitting on our sofa. "Here. He's a friend of mine. You can talk to him and he'll help you sort it all out."

He gingerly took the scrap of paper from my hand and looked down at it. "You think I need to talk to a doctor? You think there's something wrong with me?" He sounded nervous and scared and it hurt my heart. I sat back down beside him, physically making us equals.

"No, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Dr. Hale happens to be a good friend of mine. He's a great guy who is really easy to talk to, who is also really great at helping people get their shit together. But, if I introduced every one of my friends to him so that they could take advantage of his sage advice, the poor man would never make any money. So, I'm referring you to him as a counselor. C'mon, help the poor man out – he has to make a living one way or another." I chuckled at my little joke, and after taking in a deep breath, Tyler visibly relaxed.

"After all this, you want to call me your friend?" He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Well, we never had sex so I can't call you my lover, but you did grope my boobies so I can't really say we're acquaintances. And, I like you too much to call you a jackass, so yeah…friend seems as good as anything." I shrugged noncommittally and Tyler reached over, tightly embracing me.

"Thank you so much. You're an angel." He kissed me sweetly on the cheek as he pulled away.

"Um, Ty, I only have two small requests, if you don't mind." I bit my lip nervously.

"Anything. All you have to do is ask."

"Well, like I said, Dr. Hale is my personal friend. I don't care if you want to tell him what happened here today because I'm sure that it's important for you to figure it all out. But I would appreciate it if he didn't know it was with me. That would just be awkward, you know?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Of course." He nodded like a little bobble-head. "And what's the second request?"

"You can count on Felix and I if you ever need any help, but never, ever go to Demetri for advice again, even if you're life depends on it. That guy's an asshole." I couldn't help the leer that surfaced on my lips.

Tyler just laughed and nodded, agreeing with me wholeheartedly.

By the time we emerged from our love nest, Tyler and I were hand in hand, laughing like the best of friends. Once again, there would be no orgasm for me, but being able to help him out left me feeling particularly lighter than usual. That is, until I spotted Demetri sitting at the bar and my heart turned pitch black.

Tyler felt me tense and leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Don't kill him, okay? You can't be my fag hag if you're locked up, ya know." I snorted at his little joke, but the humor didn't fully reach my eyes.

I raced up behind Demetri, pinched his ear viciously and pulled him to the front door. The sight of a 5'10" man being led out the door by a 5'4" woman tugging on his earlobe must have been quite comical. I made a mental note to laugh at the imagery later. Right now, I was pissed.

Felix gave me an "uh-oh" look as we approached, flung the door wide open and waited for Demetri and I to pass before following us out. Once in the empty, dark parking lot, I flung the gay man around, releasing his red-hot earlobe with a snap of my fingers.

"Listen up, fucker!" I fumed. Felix loomed over us like a deer in the headlights, unsure what to do next. "I am not a virgin trainer, and I sure as hell am not a homosexual test kit. If you _ever_ pull a stunt like that again, I will rip off your cock and balls and gift wrap them for Felix for Christmas. Do you understand me?"

Demetri's eyes went wide as he looked back and forth between me and Felix, silently willing Felix to defend him.

Not wanting to place Felix in the middle of this, I jumped in. "And don't even _think_ about asking Felix to stand up for you. Lord knows he's twice my size and I love him, but I'll kick his ass if he even thinks about standing in my way. This is between you and me, jackass, so man up! Now do you understand or do you need a little demonstration?" I lunged forward, my hand clawing at the air only inches in front of his groin. Demetri jumped back with a yelp.

One hand cupped his genitals protectively while the other hand shot up in front of him in submission. "I understand! I understand! Geez, loosen up, it was just a little joke, Princess." He looked over to Felix. "God babe, you were right, she really does desperately need to get off."

I lunged again, my fingernails slightly scraping along the hand over his package as he jumped back out of the way with another girlish squeal. Demetri sent another pleading look to his boyfriend, who was standing idly by, watching with his hands in his pockets.

"What can I do, baby? That was really the wrong thing to say in front of her." Demetri glared at him and the big guy shivered, holding up his hands to placate his lover. "Alright! Okay! Bella, do you mind not castrating my boyfriend? I need to be properly sexed up if I'm expected to comb the world for Mr. Orgasmo."

My hand fell limply to my side as I gave up the fight. "Yeah, you and everyone else in a ten block radius, apparently."

I shuffled forlornly back towards the club entrance.

Felix called after me. "Where are you going?"

"Well, if I'm not going to have an orgasm tonight, I figure I'll drown my frustrations in a pint of Ben and Jerry's and write some more man-hating inspired music."

As I entered the club, I could vaguely hear Felix yelling "That's my girl!"

_Asshole._

**A/N:** _My Smut Dealer is hitting me up for payment, and she collects in reviews, so please help a struggling writer out and click that pretty little button below!_

**SHOUT OUT:**_ Thank you, HerGreenEyesSee, for your steady support of my story! Waking up and falling asleep to your reviews have had me floating on Cloud 9! Keep the reviews coming and Happy Reading!_


	3. Excellent Choice, My Dear

**Disclaimer**: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. All the sick, twisted stuff is mine._

**Warning**: _Anyone in the mood for some Limeade?_

**Approx**: _10 Pages/__ 4,457 Words_

**CHAPTER 3: EXCELLENT CHOICE, MY DEAR **

I was Dorothy in a twisted little version of Oz. I followed the yellow brick road with an annoying little mutt at my side that had Alice's yappy head and annoying logic.

A very green Victoria buzzed overhead, her oversized breasts causing her to lose balance so that she often ended up flying upside down, hanging precariously from her broomstick. Her skirt flipped up around her head, blocking her vision causing her to constantly fly into things.

Rosalie was dressed an awful lot like the good witch, except she kept jabbing me in the ass with the neck of her guitar, yelling "Hurry up, nympho, we haven't got all day."

When we made it to the Emerald City, Felix's big ol', all knowing mug stared down at us. Scarecrow Jasper asked for a heart of gold and doggy Alice yipped in support. A tin Emmet asked for a golden cock (much to the delight of the good witch Rosalie). The cowardly Tyler asked for a subscription to Cosmo.

"And what about you, little girl? What brings you to see the almighty wizard?" Felix's voice boomed.

"I'd like to have an orgasm, Wizard." I responded, my voice sounding young and small.

There was absolute silence before Wizard Felix began laughing at me. Soon, doggy Alice joined in, followed by Scarecrow Jasper, Tin Emmet and all the rest of them. Their laughter roared in my ears, morphing into scary, demonic howls.

"I just want a fucking orgasm!" I screamed at them, their evil noise drowning me out. "Why is that so freaking funny?" I kicked and thrashed, violently waking myself up from the nightmare to find my arms and legs tangled in the sheets.

Rose sat on the side of my bed, a bemused smirk on her face. "Geez, nympho. Frustrated much?" Ali stood behind Rose, tears streaming down her face from her hysterical giggle fit.

So that explains the demonic laughter and the pushy good witch. I'll have to chalk the rest up to the pint of Ben & Jerry's "Everything But The…" that I downed after work.

I assume that my tyrannical mini-roommate must have let the blonde Nazi in for the sole purpose of getting my lazy ass out of bed while she primped. Rosie rolled out of bed flawlessly every morning, even her breath smelling like freaking roses. Al could probably do the same, except that her keen fashion sense required at least an hour every morning to assemble the perfect look based on the weather, time of year and the alignment of the frigging planets.

Ro must have deemed my sleeping hissy fit too good to miss and beckoned Ali in to witness. I grabbed a pillow and held it over my head.

"Go away." I mumbled through the downy goodness.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell, Dorothy. Not get up and get dressed, we're off to see the wizard!" Rose rolled me over and slapped me on the ass…_hard._

"Bitch!" I yelled at her, caressing my inflamed butt cheek.

"Don't I know it!" She called back from my closet, where she was rummaging through my clothes to choose today's outfit.

In all honesty, I would dress in jeans and a band t-shirt every day of the week, but the girls would have none of that. They were the ones responsible for our bad girl, rock star alter egos. I put up with it for the sake of the band, but refused to wear the fashion monstrosities when we weren't performing. Luckily, Ro threw a perfectly comfortable pair of jeans onto the bed, along with my "Frankie Says Relax" tee shirt and my favorite, worn in converse.

The fact that she was catering to my personal wardrobe preferences was bad. Very, very bad. This meant that she and Al had plans to torture me thoroughly throughout the rest of the day. I groaned as I slid into my jeans, reluctant for the next few hours of "girl time" I would be forced to endure.

After every surface of my body had been waxed, trimmed, plucked, cut, buffed, polished, steamed, cleaned, moisturized, washed, highlighted, conditioned, dried, brushed, ironed, curled, pinned and sprayed, the shopping started. There were dresses and skirts and blouses and tops and cardigans and uncomfortable pleather pants that were sure to chafe.

Then, once we picked our perfect rock star ensembles, it was time to accessorize.

_Oh joy._

Ali adorned me with every piece of jewelry imaginable while Ro insisted on slipping all sorts of Chinese torture devices on my small, aching feet. Then we had to worry about belts, stockings, and Alice's all time favorite, _purses_.

I just didn't get it. I must be some type of girly idiot savant; seriously lacking in the normal reactions to all things feminine while having an uncanny ability to identify the perfect Ben & Jerry's antidote for any situation.

_Wow, that could explain so many things._

When the girls finally tired of playing dress up, we wandered over to the men's section to pick up some new duds for the guys. It was so much easier for them. I secretly envied them, chilling at home playing World of War Craft while I had to suffer in silence.

I'm pretty sure Alice and Rosalie were dressing their men more in fulfillment of some perverse sexual fantasies rather than with rock star glory in mind, but far be it from me to point that out.

When the girls finished playing make-shift Rodeo Drive, we loaded our plunder into Alice's yellow Porsche and headed for home.

One of the pros of having big, burly boyfriends at your beck and call? No need to carry in your own shopping bags. Score one point for committed relationships.

Big Daddy C was home early today with plans to take Momma Hale out for a fancy night on the town. She came down the stairs in a simple, yet stunning black dress, her copper tresses curling over her bare shoulders, flaming brilliantly as it caught the light. His blue eyes lit up when he saw her, like the pimple-faced boy who sees his prom-date descending the stairs for the first time. And, true to form, she giggled and blushed giddily at his attention. It was beautiful and heartwarming and my stomach twisted painfully as it all unfolded before me.

_Couples, couples everywhere and not one man for me._

_Where the hell was that coming from? _I didn't want a relationship. I didn't need that love crap. It was all too complicated and messy and I didn't have time for that shit.

_Damn Alice and her stupid Cosmo. _

_Damn her for putting thoughts in my head and ruining my perfectly good night's sleep with skanky witches and gay wizards._

_Damn her for making me long for something that I had accepted as being out of my reach._

She was the anti-Felix. Where he understood and whole heartedly supported my endeavor for meaningless physical gratification, she judged and pushed and coerced. _Come to the dark side, Bella. We have purses and high heels galore._

Screw that.

_Keep your head in the game, Bella. Eye on the prize. Focus on the goal. Project Orgasm is still in effect._

Then how come, as I watch all the mushy couples around me, all I want is a Goddamn hug?

When my eyes began to sting with unshed tears, I'd had enough. I skulked out from the living room, down the stairs to the basement where it was quiet and cold and empty, just like me.

I picked up my notepad, longing for the words to purge my soul and these feelings that I had no desire to feel, but the words eluded me. There was no escaping the tears this time. They streamed, unbidden, over my cheek bones, across my cheeks, rolling down my throat to collect in the collar of my tee.

I hoped that my friends would know to leave me alone so that they wouldn't see me losing it like this. I couldn't stand to see their pity right now. I couldn't stand for them to make jokes until I laughed the feelings away; couldn't stand for them to hug me and simply let me cry.

But when the tears finally dried, I was disappointed. Why hadn't they come? Hadn't they noticed that I wasn't there? Did they even care?

No, of course not. They were too busy being all wrapped up in their perfect, lovey-dovey little romances to worry about lonely, angst-ridden, melodramatic Bella.

_My God, I was a mess!_

I popped into the bathroom to wash up, trying vainly to hide the evidence of my private pity party. Orgasm driven Bella was so much better than pity party Bella. If I was a Barbie doll, I don't think pity party Bella would ever make it to post production – she was _that_ lame.

The living room was vacant, so I followed the music wafting down the stairs from Rosie's room.

"Bella! There you are!" Alice jumped off the bed, already decked out for tonight's performance.

"Where've you been, Dorothy?" Rose smirked. I glared menacingly. Judging from her smile, she hadn't gotten the memo that that was my threatening look, meant to drive fear into the hearts of the bravest of men.

"Put this on. We're going to be late. We have ten minutes to transform you in to a Rock Star before we have to go. Now scoot!" In the blink of an eye, Alice shoved some clothes into my hands and pushed me across the bedroom into Ro's bathroom.

"You are such a bossy little imp!" I whined, closing the door to get changed. A quick glance at my watch told me that she was right; we literally had to be in the car and on the road to Port Angeles in less than ten minutes.

Alice nearly tore the door off the hinges as I finished lacing up the corset they forced me into. She yanked me from the bathroom with the brute force of someone Emmet's size.

"What about my make-up?"

"No time!" She yelled, pulling me down the stairs after her. "I brought the make-up case. We'll have to do it in the back of Rosie's car. She is driving so we'll make it there in no time. Come on!"

We were out the door, bundled into Rosalie's M3 and on the highway in less than five minutes. Jazz and Em had loaded the equipment up in the Jeep and headed out about fifteen minutes earlier. Al and I sat sideways on the seat, facing each other as she maniacally worked over my face and hair. The trees raced by in a blur as Rose floored it.

By the time we pulled up to New Moon, I peeked in the rearview mirror to see that my transformation was complete. Bella had left the building and a Rock and Roll Goddess was in her place. Red stiletto heels, fishnet stockings, an asymmetrical black skirt with a red, leather bustier to boot. Some mix-matched chains hung around my neck, dipping down to accentuate my cleavage. My lips were pouty, full and bright red; my eyes covered in smoky gray, silver and black with lashes that went on forever. My hair was piled loosely atop my head, curling tendrils teasing my temples, neck and back. Alice was a frigging miracle worker!

_Hell, even I wanted to sleep with me. _

New Moon was owned by an Italian guy named Aro. His business had sponsored the "Battle of the Bands" where Eclipse first performed two years ago. We won the contest and, in effect, won the right to play at the New Moon Bar one night a week for a year. The wages were meager and the crowds petty, but for a small town band comprised of five high school students, it was a major step. Once high school was behind us, Aro extended an offer for us to play Thursday through Sunday. Carlisle acted as our manager, working out a contract that provided us with better money, more publicity and, per Esme's request, our little dressing room. Aro agreed under one condition – Eclipse was not to play anywhere else during the extent of the contract without prior written permission.

Aro still got the better end of the deal. The publicity was two fold – the more followers we had, the more clientele New Moon drummed up. After all, if you wanted to see Eclipse perform, there was only one way to do it. We were the youngest, freshest live act in Port Angeles. After the first month of our extended gig, Aro was making more money in one weekend than he had previously made for the entire month before.

The bar was still quiet Monday through Wednesday, catering to the locals who were regulars. But when Thursday rolled around, New Moon was the trendiest place to be, drawing in patrons from Port Angeles, Forks and the Quileute reservation.

Having finally figured out how to harness our talent to his benefit, Aro had asked his nephew Caius to come in for a photo shoot. We saw this as the first of many big breaks to come.

We had two hours before the club would open to the public. Al hurried to our dressing room to hang up the rest of our new wardrobe before it would have time to wrinkle. Em and Jazz had just finished carrying in the last of our equipment, so the four of us set to running the cords and hooking everything up so that we would be ready to go the moment the doors opened.

Aro warned us that Caius would be arriving at any second and he wanted us ready the moment he arrived. We bustled about, scuttling with the equipment like cockroaches running from the light.

"Damn it!" Emmet roared.

"What's the matter?"

"My damn monster fingers are too big to tweak this plug." He growled, sprawled out across the stage with his arm disappearing behind a huge amp.

"You're fingers have never been too big to tweak my plug, baby." Rosalie cooed.

For once, Jasper groaned with me.

I kicked at Emmet's leg. "Move, ya big oaf, let me do it." As soon as he was out of the way, I knelt down, bending forward as far as I could to reach around the monstrous equipment. "What do you need me to do?"

"Okay, you feel the loose screw around where the cable plugs in?" He prompted. "You just need to turn that screw so that the cable is secure. Otherwise, the twins are sure to knock that thing loose with the way they strut around the stage."

"Hey!" Jazz and Ro yelled in unison, much to Emmet's amusement.

I leaned forward even further in order to get the angle I needed to twist the screw. Just as I felt it tighten around the connection, something flashed from directly behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see a tall, lean man aiming a professional grade camera right at my ass, which I suddenly realized I had completely exposed in my effort to tighten the damn nut. He lowered the camera, undressing me with his blue eyes as his tongue danced across his luscious, full pink lips. It was pleasantly erotic.

I smiled at him as I maintained the pose. "See something you like?"

He smirked. "I see something that piqued my interest, but I'd have to take it for a test drive before I can say if I like it or not."

_Holy shit._

Aro popped around to the front of the stage and I hurriedly stood up, tugging on my skirt, effectively ending the peep show. "I see you've met Bella. I told you she was easy on the eyes." Aro laughed, clapping the man on the shoulder.

Emmet, Jasper and Rosalie all gathered around me, Alice sneaking out to join us shortly thereafter. "Everyone, this is Caius, the very talented nephew that I was telling you all about. He's taking special time from his upcoming art exhibit to do this shoot as a favor to me, so I hope you'll all be professional as to not waste his time. Caius, this is Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and, of course, Bella." He gestured proudly to each of us as he rattled off our names, kind of like livestock being auctioned at a roundup. Somehow, the way he spoke about me made me feel like the blue ribbon of the bunch.

"This is Eclipse."

Caius nodded to each of us, his gaze noticeably lingering on me. Every time our eyes met, his beautiful lips twisted with unspoken desires that I longed to fulfill.

He approved of our outfits, stating that it was more important for us to get as many shots as possible than for us to have wardrobe changes. The more shots he got, the better the odds of having some really good, quality photos to choose from. Changing our outfits, as Ali planned, would only cut into our time. After all of the effort she put into today's shopping spree, I knew Ali wanted to pout until she got her way, but she shrugged it off like a real trooper.

Throughout the next hour and a half, we ventured around the night club, cast in a variety of different scenes. He posed us girls dancing provocatively up on the bar as the guys held up beers and flashed dollar bills. In another shot, the couples sat around one of the tables while I pretended to take their orders.

Sometimes he took more generic shots. Us girls sitting along the bar, the guys perched upon bar stools between us. We stood in a line with our arms over each other's shoulders, big smiles on our faces. We took goofy shots, provocative shots, dramatic shots. He was great, prompting and guiding when necessary, letting us do our own thing whenever some weird idea would pop into our heads.

I was probably the only one who noticed how he and I appeared to gravitate around one another. His lingering touches made me grateful for the stiffness of the corset, or else my hardened nipples would have been evident in 94% of the photos.

Whenever he prompted us for a sexy shot, all I had to do was look at his chiseled jaw, angled nose and full lips and unleash the full force of my lust. He always seemed to respond with an equally heated look in his eyes.

I had never eye-fucked so much in my life. His gaze set my clothes on fire and I thoroughly undressed him time and time again, imagining him ravishing me on every flat surface of the club.

"Alright kiddies, playtime's over. Uncle Aro has money to make." He clasped Caius' hands. "Thanks for coming out, kid. I appreciate it. Hope these lunatics weren't too much to handle."

Caius replied with a wicked gleam in his eye. "Trust me, I'd greatly handle them _anytime._" He shot a sideways glance at me and my skin prickled. Aro either didn't hear or didn't care.

"Well, this big guy here is Felix. He'll help you gather your equipment and take it out to your van. Then, you can take a seat, have a drink or two on me and enjoy the show."

Caius eyed me appreciatively. "Oh, I plan to do just that, Unc."

Felix took one look at Caius, cocked his eyebrow and followed his gaze straight to me. When he caught me biting my lip, he made a face that suggested _"Not bad."_

The gang pulled me backstage as Aro, Caius and Felix gathered the photography equipment.

Once we crowded into our dressing room, Alice turned on me.

"Isabella Marie Swan! You thoroughly intend to screw that man tonight, don't you?"

Everyone grew silent with tension.

"What if I do, Alice?" I asked calmly.

She backed into Jasper, pulling his arms around her waist, thinking deeply. "Well then, I sure hope he has a big heart."

"Among other things." Rosie muttered. We all laughed easily and, with that, we waited for our cue to take the stage.

Come show time, my body hummed with sexual tension. I prowled back and forth like a caged tiger, looking hungrily into the audience, feeling Caius' predatory gaze dancing on my skin.

The songs flowed from me in ribbons of velvet and smoke. The music tiptoed up my arms, caressing my throat and stroking my hair. I glanced down to find the white blonde man in the front row. His hand appeared to be resting gingerly on his black clad thigh, but as my eyes wandered over his crotch, I could barely make out the bulge that he was subtly stroking while never taking his eyes off of me. My panties caught on fire, sending out smoke signals that read "Will fuck for orgasms!"

I don't know how I struggled through our first set, but I eventually made it to the part where I thanked the crowd for coming and asked them to visit the bar while we took a little break.

I leapt off the stage and Caius was quickly at my side, his hand on the small of my back, guiding me out the front of the club. We only had fifteen minutes but, judging by the sexual tension that had been building between us for the past four hours, it wouldn't take very long at all for me to spontaneously combust.

He steered me across the parking lot to a black cargo van, using the remote entry to pop the back door open. He ushered me in, sliding the door closed behind him. His equipment was condensed near the tailgate, leaving plenty of open floor space for what we intended to do. There was no time for languid foreplay; no time to completely undress and ravish each other. I needed him hard and I needed him in me, fast.

Experience told me the best way to prep a guy for hot and heavy action was to go down on him. So, without hesitation, I unbuttoned his dark pants, ripped down his zipper and pulled him loose from his boxer shorts. At first glance, I could only hope that I could suck him off to a decent size and girth, because at the moment, he was not all that impressive.

I ran my tongue along the underside of his shaft, circling the head of his dick before kissing the very end. With my lips puckered tightly against the gland, I grabbed the base of his cock with my hand to steady him before pushing my lips down, sliding them firmly around his short length, willing the magic to begin. My tongue traced along the delicate veins as I suctioned and pulled back completely off of his dick, quickly pushing my lips back over him once again.

His hand fisted in my hair. "Oh Bella, that feels so good. Baby, if your lips feel this magical, I can't wait to feel your hot, tight, wet pussy."

I moaned appreciatively, pulling back up off of him with a popping sound before eagerly pushing back down. Currently, I could suck all the way down to the base of his shaft without any fear of gagging. "You have no idea how grateful I am that I can even get it up, after seeing those two filthy faggots going at it." I popped up off of him, staring into his face with wide-eyed disbelief.

With the disappearance of my oral skills, he brought his hand down, absent mindedly stroking himself. "Did you know that big guy is a flaming homo? I came out for a smoke and found him getting it on with some other guy in the alley. If he wasn't such a monster of a man, I was going to kick his ass for risking the downfall of my glorious erection." Caius smirked, obviously pleased with himself.

_Holy mother of God, are you kidding me? Where do I keep finding these ass wipes?_

"There are so many things wrong with what you just said that I'm not even sure where to begin." I seethed. "I mean, first of all, there is absolutely nothing flaming about my friend. In fact, Felix is ten times the man you will ever be, and more woman than you deserve. Secondly, I find smoking disgusting, and that explains why I feel like I was choking on an ash tray right now instead of sucking on a dick. Let's not forget how freaking gay it is that you even thought about two men going at it while having a fuck-hot girl attempting to suck your cock and, last but not least, there is absolutely nothing glorious about the half inch clit you're parading around as a penis you Goddamn, motherfucking son of a bitch!" I could feel the blood pooling in my face with my anger as I shouted at the prick lying beneath me.

He stared back with bewilderment, completely caught off guard by my response.

Having heard my raised voice, the van door slid open and Felix popped his head in like a heaven-sent angel. "Time to go Princess?"

"Time to go." I seethed, climbing over Caius' body to jump out of the van.

"Need me to kick his ass?" Felix asked, all sugary sweetness.

"No. See that little thing in his hand?" To Caius' astonishment, Felix bent down closely to inspect, then stood back up and shook his head as if he had no idea what I was talking about. "Yeah, well, that's supposed to be his dick. I think God's punished him enough, don't you?" Felix laughed boisterously until he realized that I was stoic. Then, his laughter stopped instantly.

"Oh my God, you're serious?" He leaned back in, his head inches away from Caius' groin as Caius' stared on in wide-eyed humiliation. Felix straightened up once again, his face contrite. "You're right. It wouldn't be right to beat up someone who was so hideously deformed. Thanks for letting me know." The white blonde girly man gaped like a fish struggling out of water as Felix slid the door shut and wrapped his arm around me.

"Ready to go rock their socks off?" Felix asked as he escorted me back into the night club.

"Indeed my friend. Indeed." He offered me his hand as I joined my friends onstage, ignoring their curious expressions. "Oh, and Felix?"

"Yes my love?"

"Could you take me by the grocery store on the way home?"

"What's the flavor of the night?" He inquired.

"I think I'm in the mood for Imagine Whirled Peace."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Excellent choice, my dear. Excellent choice."

**A/N:** My vicious Smut Dealer says that I haven't been delivering the goods and she's threatening to withhold my literary porn if I don't start getting more reviews. You wouldn't want me to go without a fix, would you? So, be a dear and click the pretty little review button below…

**SHOUT OUT:**_ To my loyal reader, WhatObsession - I am LOVING your reviews! I am absolutely starved for feedback, so you have no idea how giddy I am as I anxiously await to hear from you after every chapter. Please keep them coming, and HAPPY READING!_


	4. Salt on the Wound

**Disclaimer**: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The other nonsense? Yeah…that was all me._

**Warning**: _You'll have to go elsewhere for your citrus hit today._

**Approx**: _10 Pages/__ 4,498 Words_

**CHAPTER 4: SALT ON THE WOUND **

Something strange happened when I woke up from my sugar induced coma Friday morning.

I wasn't horny.

The aching knot was still present in the pit of my stomach, coiled tightly around my bowels, but I didn't have the smallest desire to do anything about it.

I was tired. Not in the sleep deprived way. After Felix helped me finish off the tub of ice cream, he sweetly tucked me in for twelve straight hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep before taking off to be with Demetri.

So I wasn't physically exhausted. Instead, I was emotionally and mentally drained from trying so hard at everything. Life came so easy for others so why was I the one who had to struggle through it?

The answer came swiftly. The only difference in the equation is me. I'm the only one who could possibly be making my life this difficult. I rolled onto my back, staring up blankly at the ceiling fan, analyzing my life in the dreary sunlight that streamed in through my window.

I needed to make a change. The only things that were working for me were my friends and the band. Those things were constant – free of heartache and strife and frustration. That was good.

_No heartache, strife and frustration? Yes please!_

Everything else? Well, everything else was crap. Trying to find Mr. Right? Crap. Trying to find Mr. Orgasmo? Crap.

_Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap._

I mentally flushed my life, watching the shit circle the bowl and waving as it disappeared down the drain.

_Goodbye shit! Au revoir! Thanks for making me miserable._

I took a deep, cleansing breath, allowing the aching need to settle in, trying to get used to a life where that feeling would never, ever go away.

I climbed out of bed and adjusted my boy shorts, which had twisted uncomfortably some time during the night. I stretched my unused muscles and padded in to the kitchen. Eerie New Age music drifted in from the living room where Ali was going through her morning yoga routine. I really wanted a pop tart, but was afraid after last night's ice cream binge that the cinnamon/brown sugar concoction might push me over the edge into sugar shock. I grabbed a cold bottle of water from the fridge and settled on fixing myself a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch instead.

I wandered out into the living room where Al was stretched out on a yoga mat in some unusual crouching tiger, hidden dragon kind of kinkery.

I climbed into our comfy, oversized arm chair, crossed my legs Indian style and proceeded to scarf down my bowl of bark. This stuff really did taste like shit; I never could understand how Alice could bypass the Fruit Loops and opt for something like this instead.

I ate in silence, watching as the midget contorted herself into the oddest looking positions. _Damn, that girl was flexible!_

I sighed when I recognized her ending pose a few minutes later – "Thank you Sun. Thank you Moon" or some junk like that.

She plopped down on the arm of the chair. "Morning roomie! Did the wizard finally grant your wish?" I reached up with a grin and roughed her short, pixie hair so that it stuck out in odd directions. She pouted.

"Oh, you know you were going to go take a shower right now anyways, so don't give me that face."

"You look…" she scrunched her face thoughtfully, searching for the right word, "…resolved. What's on your mind?"

"I decided to give up." I said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Give up what?" Alice's eyes were wide and weary.

I couldn't help but chuckle at her wayward thoughts. "Don't worry, I'm not suicidal Al. I'm just not going to try so hard anymore. I've got my friends, I've got the band and I'm just going to focus on that; let the rest fall where it may."

She chewed on her lip, trying to work her way through my cryptic words. "And by the rest, you mean…" She let the words hang in the air, a prompt for me to finish.

"Men. Love. Sex. Orgasms. It shouldn't be this hard, Ali. Look at you and Jazz. Rose and Em. Carlisle and Esme. Felix and Demetri. You all just fell into it. You didn't look. You didn't try. It just found you. Why can't it be like that for me? Why can't I just live my life, focus on the positives and let whatever else happens…_happen_?"

Alice slid off the arm of the chair down into the seat. Sensing what she wanted to do, I straightened my legs out to make more room. As long as I wasn't sitting cross-legged, there was space for us to sit side-by-side with plenty of room to spare. Al slid her delicate arm underneath mine, intertwining our fingers and squeezing my hand. I was petite, but my hand still dwarfed hers. "Aw, don't talk like that, sweetie."

"Isn't that what you wanted, Alice? No more one night stands? I thought you'd be happy that I finally came into the light." A hard edge crept into my voice.

"Okay, yes, I worried about the promiscuity. And I don't have a problem with your sudden change in view. What concerns me is how you sound about it. Being resolved is a good thing but you…you sound…how can I say it? You sound like a wild animal whose will has been broken. You don't sound like you're embracing your decision…instead you sound like your being crushed beneath it. Like it's not a matter of choice. It's even evident in the way that you worded it. You're 'giving up'. It's just not like you."

For the second time in two days, my eyes prickled with threatening tears. Is that what was happening? Was I breaking down? "I don't know what else to do, Ali? You said it yourself; I can't go on like this forever."

She shifted sideways so that she could face me, curling one leg beneath her and throwing the other across my thighs. She slid her hand from mine so that she could brush the hair back from my face, soothing my frayed nerves. "You just accepted James; just settled into being unhappy with him. When he hurt you, it spurred you into action so that every day was a sudden effort to get laid, to find what it was that he couldn't give you. There's something in between the two extremes, sweetie. So think about what it is that you want. Don't rush through it – really think about it this time. Then make a choice that you can live with. A decision that you can fully claim was your own. No matter what you choose, you know we'll stand by you every step of the way."

I hugged the little dynamo tightly, embracing the advice that she was giving me.

"When did you become so smart, huh?" I said, roughing up her dark, spiky locks once again.

She smiled, the trademark spark glinting in her dark eyes. "When I received my first issue of Cosmo at the age of fifteen. I think I was a prodigy." She beamed brightly.

We all met at the Hales house a couple of hours early to squeeze in some practice time. We were going to play the three new songs at the end of our set tonight and we wanted to make sure that we had them down pat. We didn't usually rush the process, but it had been a month since we had any new material and the audience was getting tired of the same old shit. New original material was always preferred over covering someone else's hits – although I was particular to singing Adam Lambert's "For Your Entertainment". That song was just all sorts of fuck hot and always got me worked up for my backstage rendezvous.

_What's the plural of that word? Rendezvouses?_

Rosie rode with Emmet in the Jeep on our way to the bar as I crawled into the back of the Porsche. Al and Jazz tried not to be conspicuous, but they held hands during the entire drive to Port Angeles, often shooting each other sideways glances or blowing kisses when they didn't think I was looking. At their affectionate displays, butterflies clawed viciously at my insides (_I never knew butterflies were capable of such violence!), _so I focused my attention on the setting sun that peeked through the forest of dark, blurring trees.

_I wanted that. I wanted hand holding and kisses and hugs. I wanted my eyes to communicate to someone what words could never say. I wanted it, no matter how many times I argued the contrary. But wanting it doesn't make it so, and it doesn't answer the question Alice left me to face: what do I do next?_

I lost myself in thought, shocked out of my reverie when we arrived at New Moon faster than I expected. I headed with Ro and Al back into the dressing room to get ready, leaving the guys to carry in the equipment and set everything up. Score two points for committed relationships.

In an effort to cheer me up, the girls let me pick my rock star inspired outfit for the night. It was a big deal – we always coordinated our outfits so that we presented a cohesive look, allowing our music to stand on its own. At least, that was what Alice said. Either way, whatever I chose to wear tonight would determine which outfits the rest of the band would have to wear. _No pressure._

I chose a strapless, plum colored dress. The material was gathered so that it formed body hugging ripples. The skirt stopped just above the knee. I chose a pair of bare pantyhose that featured a black rose and vine pattern that chased up the side of my calf provocatively. I finished off with a pair of strappy black heels.

The girls dressed in black, purple and gray hues accordingly, setting out the guy's outfits so that they would be ready for them when they finished setting up. Then, we set to the task of hair, make-up and accessories. Half an hour later, Rose and Ali had finished working their magic and the transformation was complete. There were no signs of the fretful, tired girl I had been all day, and the rock diva was back in all her glory. I slid out of the make-up chair to do some vocal warm-ups while the girls focused their mojo on completing their own signature looks.

The crowd was ecstatic tonight. Their excited voices carried back to the dressing room, helping us to amp up for our performance. The louder they got, the more we all began bouncing on the balls of our feet, anxious to hit the stage and get their reactions to our new stuff.

We left the dressing room when we heard Aro take the stage to begin riling up the crowd. We lined up at the stage door as he announced our names one by one, the crowd whooping and hollering anxiously. "Get ready for, _Eclipse_!" We could barely make-out the band name over all the noise as we confidently strode out onto the make-shift stage, basking in the applause.

This was clearly the biggest crowd we had performed for yet. Jacob Black was standing on a chair in the back corner, howling at us like a wolf. He was surrounded by a large group of guys, presumably friends of his from the rez. The Quileute guys were all surprisingly large, and it was funny to see how the locals gave a wide berth to the silly boys I had grown up with. Quil and Embry made yipping noises while Paul rolled his eyes at them, and Sam shook his head, laughing at the youngsters.

The Denali sisters were all seated at the bar; Irina, Kate and Tanya all dressed in the trashiest outfits there. I had to admit, if anyone could pull the look off well, it was them.

The usual suspects were all present, scattered throughout the crowded room. I spotted Garret and Maggie canoodling at a table near the front door. Mary, Charlotte and Randall were all seated to our right. Peter was leaning against the juke box behind them, mindlessly rubbing Charlotte's shoulders.

At the left corner of the stage, I noted that regulars Eric and Ben had brought someone I didn't recognize. I only had time to register the way the lightweight tan sweater clung to the handsome stranger's defined chest before Aro dimmed the house lights, signaling me to begin.

The first half of the set was dedicated to the songs that the regulars knew by heart. We had learned long ago that it was best to get the sing-along part done before everyone had a chance to get totally smashed. We even honored a couple of random requests.

An hour later, I left the crowd with promises that we would play three new, never before heard songs if they were good boys and girls and stuck around for us to take a quick break. They applauded and yelled appreciatively as we took a moment to turn off our mics and unplug.

"You all are even better than I remembered." The voice enveloped me like a warm blanket, fresh out of the dryer. I turned to see the stranger standing below the stage at my feet, piercing green eyes staring up into my entranced face.

My chest constricted and I forgot to breathe.

_I frigging forgot to breathe._

"Um…thanks." I spluttered.

He opened his beautiful, pouty lips to speak again and an overwhelming sense of fear gripped me. "I have to go." I interrupted, racing off the stage.

I plowed into the dressing room, flung myself onto the couch and tried desperately to calm my erratic breathing. I was hyperventilating, for Christ's sake!

Alice burst into the room, her doe eyes the size of golf balls. "Bella! What's wrong?" Before I knew it, she was seated beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders, prompting me to sit forward and put my head between my knees.

"I don't know, Al! I can't breathe! I can't freaking breathe!" I gasped, my chest constricting painfully.

Jasper calmly walked around to sit on my other side, wrapping his arm protectively around my waist. "Bella, listen to me. I want you to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Listen to my voice and try to follow along.

"In through your nose…" I sucked the air in through my narrow nasal passages.

"…and slowly out through your mouth…" I exhaled, my lungs already aching to pull in more air.

"…in through your nose..." I did as he instructed, willing his method to work.

"…and out through your mouth…" The trembling feeling stilled, the tension in my chest easing slightly.

Jasper was most definitely his father's son. If he chose to pursue a medical degree, his calm, soothing demeanor would make him an excellent therapist just like Carlisle.

A couple of minutes later, my breathing was back under control and I sat up to find Rose in Emmet's arms, both of them looking down at me with love and concern.

"What happened, nympho? Spontaneously combust?" Ro tried to joke, but there was no humor in her voice.

"Jesus, Bells. I thought I was going to have to give you mouth to mouth." Again, the intended humor failed to seep in to Emmet's words. "Wait, is that still an option?" Rose elbowed him in the gut and with that, the dynamic duo managed to relieve the tension in the room.

"I think she had an anxiety attack." Jasper mused. "How are you feeling now?"

I took a moment to run a system analysis.

_Legs feel strong? Check. _

_Hands no longer trembling? Check._

_Heart no longer pounding out of my chest? Check._

_Lungs finally back under my command? Check._

"All systems go, Captain!" I confirmed with a military salute.

"Great, then let's get back out there and woo them!" Emmet enthused.

"I think you mean 'wow' them, baby." Rosie corrected.

"No babe, I thoroughly intend to woo those people right out of their ever lovin' panties, just like I did with you." He kissed her sweetly on the tip of the nose as she swatted him away.

They wandered out of the dressing room, squabbling playfully. Jasper and Alice helped me up, making sure that I was steady on my feet before releasing my arms.

"You sure you're alright, Bella?" Jasper's gray eyes pleaded.

"I'm fine, Jazz. Thanks for taking control like that. You were great." I smiled weakly.

He smiled back warmly before kissing both me and Alice on the forehead and striding out of the room. Alice stepped up and spun around to face me.

"Bella, what happened?" She had that look in her eyes that demanded that I tell her, but I just couldn't handle it.

"Not right now, Al. I don't know if I can explain why I freaked out, but I'll try to tell you about it when we get home, okay?" She turned down the brilliance of her gaze and nodded with acceptance.

We exited the dressing room to hear the crowd chanting "Eclipse" repeatedly.

Alice and I caught up to the others at the stage entrance and she squeezed my hand. "Ready?" she asked tentatively, her eyes lighting with excitement.

"Ready." I confirmed.

We all headed out onto the stage, riding high on the crowds undying enthusiasm.

Amidst all the stares, I could inexplicably feel two glorious eyes on my heated skin. They were green and mesmerizing and I knew, more than anything, that I could not meet his gaze without falling apart. I didn't know what it was about him, but it scared the shit out of me. So, I made a point to look everywhere except at the mysterious man sitting at stage left.

The second half of the set was even better than the first. The regulars hummed along to the songs that they knew, swaying or bobbing their heads to the music. They raised us up higher than ever before and we were exultant. When we revealed the three new songs, the audience listened in absolute silence, absorbing the music with collective baited breath. Upon its completion, each new tune was rewarded with an earth shattering round of applause.

At the end of our set, we gave in to three encore performances before Aro climbed up on the stage to thank everyone for coming, effectively ending the performance for the night.

Felix snuck up behind me on stage as we proceeded to unplug and gather our things. "Let me guess – bronze haired, green eyed sex God at table one. Am I right?"

I instinctively turned toward table one, quickly spotting the guy in the tan sweater. Thankfully, he was looking away from the stage, chatting with Ben and Eric.

_Crisis averted._

I turned my attention back to coiling the mic cord around my arm. "Not tonight, Fifi. Why don't you go home and sex up that asshole you call a boyfriend. I've monopolized enough of your time as it is."

He took the cord from me, his longer arms effectively wrapping the cable up twice as fast. "You know that wasn't what I meant the other night, right Princess? I love spending time with you and I'm here whenever you need me."

I yanked the bundled cord away from him, dropping it into the crate. "I know you are. But right now, you need to spend some quality time with your man and I need to spend some quality time alone to work through some stuff."

"But you won't be alone, will you? You're gonna have a ménage a trois with Ben and Jerry and I'm not invited it. That's it, isn't it?"

_Have you ever seen a giant pout? It would be quite funny, if it wasn't so damn pitiful._

"Bub, I don't even think B&J can help me sort out my shit tonight. I promise, I'm going solo. Now, go get your groove back, Stella." I pushed him away, not that he budged at all due to my effort.

Jazz rode with Em and Ro back to the Hale house leaving Ali and I to drive back to our place alone. The pygmy chatterbox behind the steering wheel was unusually quiet, allowing me to rummage around in my brain during the long ride home.

Even when we made our way into the dark, quiet apartment, all she said was "You want to take a shower first?" I nodded dumbly before padding into the bathroom. Normally, I would have made a point to grab some underwear and a night shirt first, but apparently, I wasn't functioning quite highly on that level tonight.

I washed the gunk off my face and shampooed the gel out of my wild hair. The warm spray did little to relax the tension in my shoulders or the knot that still weighed heavily in my stomach.

I had to remind myself to get out so that I could save some of the hot water for Alice.

I wrapped the towel around me, tucking the corner near my breast to hold it in place and wandered over to the vanity to wipe the steam off of the mirror. Yep, underneath the make-up and hair spray, I was still that confused, pale faced girl. I opened the bathroom door to find Alice standing just beyond with her pajamas under her arm. She frowned at me, reading the trouble on my face.

I returned the frown, still unsure what I was supposed to tell her about what happened tonight. "All yours." I motioned to the bathroom before edging around her and making my way to my bedroom.

Once behind the closed door, I pulled on a comfy set of silk boxers that I had stolen from James and a baggie night shirt. I grabbed my hair brush from my dresser, crawled up onto the center of my bed and set about the task of drying my long tresses. I allowed the task to consume my thoughts, pushing out all of the other things that I was quickly becoming weary of thinking about. I towel dried my hair thoroughly before raking my brush through the tangled mess.

Alice appeared noiselessly beside the bed, crawling up next to me and gripping the brush, silently willing me to let her take over. We sat in comfortable silence as she patiently worked the knots out of my hair. Without saying anything, I knew she was wishing that she could just as easily work the kinks out of my life for me. She was a good friend, and I wasn't always sure I deserved her.

I heard her lay the brush on my night stand, signaling that she was done. We both shifted so that we were now flat on our backs, side-by-side, staring up idly at the ceiling. She sighed, finally growing irritated by my silence.

"I'm not avoiding talking to you, Ali. I'm just not sure what to say."

She turned on her side to face me, her elbow on the bed, her hand propping up her tiny little head. "Who is he?"

"I don't know. I've never seen him before."

She chewed on her lip for a moment. "What did he say?"

I tried to remember. "Um, he said that we were better than he remembered, or something like that."

Al furrowed her eyebrows. "What else?"

I sighed, knowing what she was getting at. _What in the world could he have said to set me off into a full blown panic attack?_

"That was all he said. He started to say something else, but I interrupted him and told him I had to go."

She scrunched her eyes at me. "Why?"

"That's the part I can't explain because I don't understand it. It was just, when he talked to me, and I turned to see him standing there, my chest tightened. My heart stopped and I felt like I couldn't breathe." I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of it all, trying to block out whatever expression was on Alice's face.

She didn't say anything for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was a whisper. "Has that ever happened to you before?"

"No." I whispered back, finally opening my eyes to look up into her face. For a second, I thought I saw a glimmer of understanding in her eyes, as if she would be able to explain away my bizarre behavior. But she blinked, and the answer was gone.

"And you don't have any idea why you felt that way?" She inquired. I shook my head sullenly.

"Were you attracted to him?" She prodded.

"Alice, did you see the man? He is a walking, talking God-o-Sex! How could I not be attracted to him?" I flustered.

"Then why didn't you just flirt with him like you normally do? Why not seduce him and bring him back to the love cave in your search for the almighty orgasm?"

I bristled. "Because I gave up, remember? I told you that. Because you and your Cosmo touting hobbit mojo put some stupid idea in my head that there's more out there and now I don't know up from down and I'm all sorts of fucked up and when a good looking guy comes to talk to me, I don't know whether to hump him or ask him for a long term commitment, so I decided to run away and hyperventilate in the privacy of our dressing room instead of making a complete idiot of myself at center stage. There! Is that the answer you were looking for?" My face was flushed and my breath was ragged with the sudden exertion. I flung my arm over my eyes in exasperation.

Alice's little fingers worked through my hair, spreading it out like a fan over my pillows. "Bella, you're going to figure this out. It's not a stupid idea that there's more out there for you. You deserve more, just like the rest of us. Just take it easy and try not to sweat the small stuff or you're going to drive yourself mad."

"Easy for you to say, you evil pixie. You don't have the sexual tension beast eating away at your rational, logical thought processes. You get to go sex up your fuck hot boyfriend while I lie here, frustrated, cursing my damned fingers for not being enough."

"You'll get there, soon enough, you little minx. Trust me." How could she sound so freaking sure? She kissed me on the cheek before jumping off the bed. "Excuse me, but now that you've pointed out how hot my boyfriend is, I think I'm going to go indulge in some steamy phone sex. Ta ta!"

_Sure, rub salt on the wound._

**A/N:**_ Adam Lambert's song "For Your Entertainment" is copyrighted to it's respective owners._

_Alice told me that Jasper likes it when people tickle his little review button. You wouldn't want to keep her fuck hot boyfriend willing and waiting, would you?_

**SHOUT OUT:**_ Phia, although you only left me with one review, I wanted to thank you for the amount of thought and detail you put into it. Your words held a great wealth of encouragement for me, and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to share your precious thoughts with me. Thanks for the support._


	5. I'll Be There

**Disclaimer**: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I grudgingly take the credit for all the non-Twilight related stuff._

**Warning**: _Sorry readers – no lemons or limes for you here, either._

**Approx**: _11 Pages/__ 5,522 Words_

**CHAPTER 5: I'LL BE THERE **

Mr. Green Eyes was there again Saturday night. He was wearing a deep green button up shirt, the sleeves rolled up just below his elbows, delectably highlighting the strength of his forearms. That sight alone was enough to scramble my insides. The top buttons were undone, perfectly framing the sweet hollow below his Adam's apple. _Is it strange that that makes my mouth water?_ He wore a black vest over the button down, accenting his broad shoulder while simultaneously drawing attention to his trim waist. _Oh God, I shouldn't have looked down. Bad, bad idea._

I was on stage and just the idea that my eyes had wandered so far down his body made me completely lose track of what I was saying. I didn't just forget the words; I forgot what song we were even singing!

Ro jumped in on my mic, bumping me back to reality with her hip. She picked up the tune where I left off, motioning for the audience to join in. The others began singing louder, egging the crowd on. Soon, the room was filled with over a hundred drunken voices, merrily singing out of tune. Green Eyes never looked away from me, oozing pure concern. The amount of sincerity present on his heavenly face was staggering. I swallowed and looked away, suddenly anxious to find any other friendly face. Alice was smiling, singing loudly as she banged away on the keyboard, but her worried eyes trained on mine and silently pleaded for me to be alright. I nodded and found myself once again, jumping back into the song and mocking a vocal battle with Rosie. Her eyes calmed, letting me know that she was glad I was back.

I managed to hold it together for the rest of the set, having reminded myself why I could not look at the dazzling man at table one. After the last song, several people came up to the stage to shake our hands and congratulate us on another great performance. Several newcomers told us how much they loved our sound and planned to come back soon. Some regulars that missed Friday night's performance complimented us on the brilliance of our three new pieces.

I found myself scanning the crowd, unsure of what I was looking for until I saw him leaning against one of the booths near the back. Green Eyes had his arms crossed over his broad chest, making the fabric of his shirt pull taut over his biceps. His black slacks hugged his hips and his right foot was crossed casually in front of his left. His eyes were focused on me, still reflecting his concern. When our eyes met, he dropped his hands and stepped away from the booth just enough so that he was no longer leaning. I held my breath.

Even across the room, I was so in tune to his movements that I could clearly read the words "Are you okay?" as they silently shaped on his tempting lips.

My heart jumped in my throat and I was glad that he was across the room, because there was no way I would be able to actually vocalize my response. Instead, I bobbed my head infinitesimally, swallowing deeply to try and clear the obstruction. I succeeded in mouthing "Thank you."

He smiled naturally and the beauty of it made the breath that I was holding rush out of me in a gust. He nodded once in farewell, slowly peeled his eyes away from mine and made his way through the crowd to the exit.

In his absence, I could breathe again and my heart settled back down into my chest where it belonged, but that didn't necessarily mean that I felt better. In fact, once he was out of my sight, I felt…deflated. I could think of no other word for it.

Felix eventually wound his way through the crowd. "See anyone you like?"

"Naw." I shook my head haphazardly.

"You know, that hunk from the other night was here again."

"I know." I breathed.

"Is that what made you all catatonic in the middle of your set?" Felix pried.

I just rolled my eyes in response. "Go home to Demetri, Fifi. I'll see you tomorrow." He started to say something else, but my eyes pleaded with him to just let it go. Instead, he hugged me tightly before merging back into the crowd.

The others planned on going out for a little while, so Al let me drive her car home. Since I wasn't planning to bonk some random stranger in the dressing room tonight, they didn't feel the need to try talking me in to going with them.

I pulled out my worn copy of Romeo and Juliet to pass the time. Just about the time that the classic couple was awakened by the morning lark; I drifted off into fitful slumber.

My poor sleep left me on edge all day Sunday. We played earlier on Sunday nights to take advantage of the crowds that might have to get home early to prepare for work or school on Monday.

I dressed in a daze, not paying attention to a thing that Al and Ro said as they dolled me up. I was peacefully oblivious to everything except for the green eyes that kept popping up in my mind's eye. The intensity I had seen there baffled me. Intrigue. Wonder. Sincerity. Concern. A man had never looked at me that way before.

I had seen lust plenty of times, but even in my three years with James I couldn't remember ever seeing that plethora of emotions play behind his black eyes. How could an absolute stranger look at me that way when my own long term boyfriend had been incapable?

While the crowd crooned on in the presence of my little breakdown, Green Eyes had seen what only my friends had seen. He had shared their concern, seeming to stay around just long enough to confirm that I was going to be alright. If that didn't identify a man with a good heart, I didn't know what did.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I had found Mr. Orgasmo. My body rejoiced with tingling sensations as I made up my mind. Tonight, Mr. Green Eyes was going to rock my world and then I could be me again. The sexual tension beast would be abated and by this time tomorrow, I could just be Bella again, Project Orgasm a fading memory. That is, if Mr. Green Eyes even comes back.

My hopes were dashed. I had the answer I had been searching for the past three days, and now it all pivoted on whether or not the God-o-Sex would grace me with his presence.

I made my way onto the stage in a trance, inspecting the crowd for the piercing green eyes I so desperately needed to see. My heart sank when they were nowhere to be found. I had had my chance - two chances to be exact – and I blew it. My heavy heart permeated every nook and cranny of my performance. I hated watching it seep out over the stage, infecting the audience like a dark fog.

By the time our break came around, I had single-handedly destroyed the vibe. Even Ali was dragging as she made her way into the dressing room. I left the others alone, hoping they might recover their spirits more quickly in my absence.

_Snap out of it, Bella. When did you become such a melodramatic, whiny brat?_

I wandered over to the stage door, peering out at the people as they meandered to the bar for more drinks or mingled with others at nearby tables. I had managed to suck all of the energy from the room, officially putting everyone in a funk.

_God, I suck._

Some guy sitting at Mr. Green Eyes table caught my attention. He wore a wrinkled white tee with some Native American looking symbol on it. He was in shabby, ripped jeans and converse sneakers that appeared to have lived a long, happy life. His head hung low, his long fingers pinching the bridge of his elegant nose. His hair was an absolute riot on his head – brown locks streaked with natural blonde and red highlights sticking out every which way. I watched as he clawed slender fingers through it, furthering the disarray. He looked broken under the weight of the world and my heart went out to him. He frowned as he scratched at the stubble on his cheeks. Then, as he happened to glance nonchalantly towards the stage door, I gasped. I couldn't believe it was the same man but sure enough, dark, exhausted circles rimmed bloodshot green eyes.

I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, but I suddenly had the overwhelming need to replace that broken hearted look on his face with something happier. Preferably a look of complete and utter euphoria.

I texted Felix.

"Fifi, u there?"

His response was immediate. "Yes Princess?"

"After my set, would u fetch the green eyed man for me? Think I found Mr. Orgasmo." I spotted Felix by the club entrance, jumping for joy like a little girl.

"Took your sorry ass long enough!" Was his reply.

Feeling giddy, I rushed back to the dressing room, eager to retrieve my band mates. I plowed into the room. "C'mon buddies! We're on!" I started to leave, remembered something and popped back in. "Oh, and do you mind if we close with 'For Your Entertainment?' I need something to put me in the mood."

Without waiting for their answer, I spun around and headed for the stage door, hearing Alice mumble "Here we go again…"

Back on stage, I was determined to right the wrongs I had inflicted on these people during my last hour of moping. If things were going to go they way I wanted, I really needed to turn this night around. The others picked up on my lead and soon, we had managed to lift the crowd's spirits.

_We were on fire!_

I didn't dare look directly at Mr. Green Eyes for fear of falling apart, but I did catch the gleam of his smile out of the corner of my eye and was grateful we had managed to take his mind off his troubles. However, I wasn't sure how I planned on doing any more than that in the back room when I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. I definitely had my work cut out for me.

Finally, it was time for our big closing number. Emmet started the hypnotic beat on the drums, purposefully keeping it slower than the original. I closed my eyes and swayed my hips to the beat, easing into the character. After the first sixteen counts, Alice slinked in with the seductive keyboard melody. I sauntered over to Jasper who had already slipped into the character of my lustful lover. It had taken us a lot or practice to get this act down right without cracking up laughing in each other's faces. Even now, we had to keep this part short, only able to maintain the act long enough to get through the first verse.

He stood tall, looking down on me with his lips parted. My fingertips traced up his arm suggestively as my cue neared. My low, silky voice left a smoky taste on my tongue. With my knees on either side of his thigh, I slithered provocatively down Jazz's body just like Alice had taught me to, channeling my inner Marilyn Monroe to coo the first verse to my make-believe lover. Jasper's jaw flexed, as if he might rip my clothes off at any minute just as I pulled away teasingly, sashaying across the stage to his sister.

The second verse with Rosie was always surprisingly easier to pull off. We danced sensuously, rubbing up against one another, the focus more on riling up the audience than portraying any real sexual tension between us. The girl-on-girl action always earned a few whistles from the guys.

We picked up the beat when we hit the chorus, Jazz and Rosie both coming in fast and hard on the guitars, giving the song the rough edge that I loved. Endorphins raced through my body and I took the seductress act to a whole new level, stepping from the stage onto one of the nearest tables, dancing and singing for the men seated below me. One of the guys offered me his hand and chair as I stepped down from the table, wiggling my way through the crowd, flirting relentlessly with every man that I came across.

I punctuated the words "take the pain" by pinching one guy's nipple, then made up for it by accenting "take the pleasure" with a gentle caress across his cheek. Sometimes I was coy and sweet, other times I was rough - pulling the shy men closer by their neck ties, or pushing the anxious men away by gripping the roots of their hair. The crowd was absolutely wild. All the while, I weaved through the people at the foot of the stage, easing towards the man on stage left. I made it to him just in time to hit the lyrics I was hoping for.

I danced behind him, running my fingers through his lush hair as I circled around to stand in front of him. I trailed my fingers from his hair, down his temple, across his cheek and along his jaw until I was able to lift his chin so that he was looking up into my eyes. I leaned closer, revealing more of my cleavage.

"Do you like what you see?" I sang. "Oh! Let me entertain ya till you scream!"

As I belted out the last part, I ran my hands down his rock hard body, swaying my hips as I lowered myself in front of him, keeping my eyes locked on his. He swallowed as I dipped my breasts towards him upon standing up.

_I did it!_ If I could just continue to play the vixen backstage, then I could totally pull this off without hyperventilating! My body rejoiced as I climbed back onto the stage to finish the song with the rest of the band.

We ended the set to a standing ovation. We were all high as a kite, riding on the waves of adoration bestowed upon us by the crowd. We waved excitedly to the audience before hurrying backstage.

As soon as we were out of sight, Emmet picked me up and carried me the rest of the way to the dressing room. "Who the hell are you and what have you done with our baby Bell?" He put me down, only to wrap his massive arms around me in a tight hug.

Ro pushed him out of the way to grip my shoulder. "Girl, you were pure, unadulterated sex! Hell, even I got turned on dancing with you!" She hugged me tightly as Em vocalized his desire to witness some lesbian action.

Jazz sat down on the sofa, hugging a pillow in front of him. He blushed when I looked over at him. "Um, I would hug you on an excellent performance Bella, but, um…" his mouth hung open, struggling for words. I'd never seen him flabbergasted before. "…I just don't think that would be a good idea right now." Alice's eyes widened as she gasped, punching him in the arm. Jazz's eyebrows and shoulders shot up, as in _Sorry baby, I can't help it!_

Alice ran over to me, hugging me and rocking me violently. "Sweetie, you were amazing! Simply amazing! I don't know where that came from, but that is exactly the kind of crowd magic we need to make it!" She backed up to include Em and Rosie in the hug, foregoing the inclusion of her boyfriend, who was still skulking on the couch. "Guys, we are_ so_ going to make it big! I can just see it now!"

We all bounced up and down merrily at the thoughts of success that Alice deemed us so worthy of. Our happy-happy, joy-joy dance was interrupted by a knock on the door. A second later, Felix peeked his head in. "Hey guys. Great show. Sorry to interrupt, but there's someone here to meet you." He opened the door fully, entering the room and gesturing for Mr. Green Eyes to follow.

_Shit. I wasn't ready! I was in giddy Bella mode, not sex vixen mode!_

Mr. Green Eyes smiled at everyone tentatively, giving a small, reserved wave. My hands went clammy and my throat went dry, like my body was suddenly sending moisture to all the wrong places.

"Sorry for barging in, but I was telling Felix what a big fan I was and he suggested that you wouldn't mind signing my cd for me. Of course, I can come back if this is a bad time." His voice was velvet, just like I remembered it. My heart thudded frantically and then stopped altogether as the warm blanket enveloped me.

"Oh man, you have the cd we sold at the Battle of the Bands!" Jazz regained his composure, jumping off from the couch to look at the jewel case.

"No way! You still have that shit? God, we sucked back then." Em broke away from our huddle to wander over to the man standing in the doorway.

"We did not suck back then! Well, maybe you sucked baby, but I've always been fuck awesome." Rosie swaggered over, pushing in between the men to take a look for herself.

"We'd love to sign it!" Alice chimed, taking a moment to look at my pale, panicked face while the others were distracted. "Why don't we go outside and see if Aro has a sharpie we can use?" She herded everyone out the door, glancing meaningfully at me as she closed the door behind her.

Once I was left alone with Felix, I could breathe again.

"What's wrong, Princess? What the hell was that about?" The oaf inquired. I shook my head dumbly as he gestured for me to sit down. I didn't move.

"I don't know, Felix. This is just what that guy does to me. He turns me into a blathering idiot, incapable of even the most basic human functions."

"That wasn't what it looked like out there." He motioned towards the stage with his head. "Out there, it looked like you were about to rip his clothes off and ride him cowgirl style."

"I know, but I had to work up to it. I had to be in character to even look at him. Otherwise, every time I've seen him, I've fallen apart. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me." I stammered.

"So let me get this straight. Just looking at the guy reduces you to a puddle of goo with the intelligence of an amoeba. And yet, you thought that you could somehow form enough coherent sentences to seduce him into giving you your very first orgasm?" He looked skeptical.

"I told you, I have to be in character. You caught me off guard."

He harrumphed. "So what, you were going to dance around back here, singing Adam Lambert songs to yourself until you worked up to looking at the guy? And then what?"

I bit my lip. "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds dumb."

"No, no matter _how_ you say it, it sounds dumb. That's the funny thing about dumb ideas." He crossed his arms over the broad expanse of his chest. "Bella, I'm the biggest supporter of 'Project Orgasm'. Hell, I'm not only the founder, I'm a client! I pull out the pom-poms every time you decide to give it another go. But you're not going to get there by pretending to be someone you're not, much less in the presence of someone who makes you incapable of speech. It's time to rethink your game plan."

_No. No, no, no, no, no! _I restrained from stamping my foot in a full blown temper tantrum.

This is not how tonight was supposed to happen! Nothing was going as planned. My idea would work; I know it would! Hell, if I could find the nerve to do what I did out there, I sure as hell could repeat the process in the privacy of my love cave!

I stood up straight and looked Felix dead in the eye. "I'm going to go freshen up. If you still wish to cheer me on then I would appreciate it if you would bring that hunky man in here, sit him on that couch and explain the rules of engagement while I'm gone. Are you with me on this?" I raised an eyebrow, daring him to back out.

He sighed, frowning as he nodded. "Good. Then I'll be back in fifteen minutes." I snatched my iPod off of the counter and stormed out of the room.

First stop: to visit my good buddy Mikey at the bar. "Three Zorba shots." I had convinced Aro to carry the Greek liquor after a rather amusing night out with the girls. It didn't pack quite the punch I would like, but it went down smooth and didn't leave my mouth feeling like a sewer. He lined the blue liquid up in front of me and I shot them back without hesitating, downing one right after the other.

Next, I made my way to the employee restroom. I never set foot in the public women's restroom anymore; too many memories. Well, not really – it was just that one memory - but that was more than enough. I brushed my teeth with my finger, scraping at my tongue and drying it off with a paper towel. That would have to do.

I wandered out front, grateful to find that Mr. Green Eyes was no longer with my friends. I hugged them all goodbye, congratulating them again on a terrific performance, assuring them that Felix would make sure that I got home safe. Then, I sat on the bench out front, popped in my ear buds in and turned up "Strut" as loud as my iPod would go. I closed my eyes, dropped my head back and let my mind wander to the incredibly hot man waiting for me in the dressing room. I imagined licking the planes of his chest and feeling his stomach muscles contract as my fingernails grazed across his abdomen. I fantasized about the way his hot, sweet, moist breath would feel on my neck as his nose skimmed along my jaw. I wanted his hands to twist in my hair as he rubbed his hardness tantalizingly between my legs.

My heart was pounding, my breathing was shallow and the vixen was back with a vengeance.

I left my ear buds in as I stormed back into the club, racing through the maze of tables and chairs, anxious to start the role play.

My stomach coiled tightly as I approached the dressing room door, suddenly feeling timid.

_No time for that! Gotta keep up the façade if you're going to make this work, chickee!_

I turned off the iPod and yanked the ear buds out. Felix stepped out of the room right as I was reaching for the door handle. He had apparently done as I had asked, but the pom-poms were still no where in sight. "Are you sure you want to do this, Princess?"

"Out of my way, ya big lug! There's a mind-blowing orgasm in there just waiting for me!" I pushed past him, slid into the room and locked the door behind me.

I turned and found myself staring straight into his brilliant eyes, and my resolve faltered. Emotions flashed across his face so quickly that I was unable to identify them all. The vixen was fading, fast.

I brought back the fantasy. Hot skin. Warm breath. Delicious friction. I dropped my head, and looked up at him through my eye lashes like a predator on the hunt. The next flash I saw I recognized.

_Lust._

It was there fleetingly, quickly chased away by a dozen other emotions, but it was enough that I knew it was there, lying just beneath the surface.

I sauntered over to him, each foot placed carefully in front of the other, causing my hips to undulate provocatively from side to side as I walked. He licked his lips and my nipples hardened.

Once I stood in front of him, I hitched my skirt up just below my hips and straddled him. There was a flash of uncertainty, followed by another brief glimpse of lust. It appeared to be coming to the surface more readily now, and the vixen within me thrived. His fingers gripped the couch cushions, his knuckles turning white with the strain. I ran my hands from his shoulders, down his biceps, over the taut skin of his muscular forearms until I reached his wrists. I wrapped my fingers around them, easing his hands off the cushions, guiding them to rest on my hips.

When I was certain that he wouldn't drop his hands back to his side, I moved my own hands around in front of me, reaching under his tee shirt to press my palms against his abdomen. I involuntarily shifted my hips against him when he gasped at the contact. He clenched his eyes and gulped.

"Why the rule about one night only?" His voice was strained now, the texture of rough leather.

I leaned my lips down near the sensitive skin by his right ear, inhaling his scent. He smelled of cologne and soap and man and sex and heaven and earth and everything else that a girl might possibly want at this moment. I wanted to bottle his scent and bathe in it. "We haven't even started yet and you're already worried about coming back for seconds?" I teased, nipping at his ear.

Slowly, hesitantly, his hands shifted from my hips to my lower back, his thumbs caressing the skin just below the hem of my shirt. Chills ran up and down my spine and I instinctively rocked against him once again. He moaned breathily, so quiet I almost missed it. I licked and sucked along his jaw, marveling at the dichotomy of the rough stubble and soft flesh. He made a guttural noise, deep within his throat. "So…um…" he struggled, his velvet voice reduced to gravel. "Why no kissing?"

He worked the rest of his fingertips up under my shirt, rubbing soft, soothing circles against the base of my spine. My hands wandered over his ripped abs towards his sides, feebly resisting the urge to pull his body tightly against mine. I nudged his head backwards with my nose so that I could lavish attention on the flesh of his long, muscular neck. "Oh, there will be plenty of kissing." I assured him, punctuating the statement with a sweet peck beneath his ear. "I just apply to the 'Pretty Woman' school of thought." I bit down softly on his collar bone. "That kissing on the mouth is simply too intimate." I sucked gently on his Adam's apple. "After all, I don't even know you're name."

His large, strong hands edged higher up my back. "Edward." He breathed. "My name is Edward." He applied gentle pressure to my spine and I arched my back in response. The movement caused my nipples to graze his chest, and I moaned quietly.

His hands stilled suddenly as his body stiffened beneath me. His head popped up and his eyes shot open. "I can't do this."

Without intention, my nails dug into his sides. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

_NO! So close! Don't stop now!_

His hands slid back to my waist where he gently prompted me to get off of him. I stood up and pulled my skirt down as far as it would go. "What? Let me guess – you're gay? I was just some kind of final trial, right? If you couldn't get it up for me than you must be a raging homosexual, is that it?" The vixen was quickly transforming back into the aggravated, insecure, confused little girl.

"No, I'm not gay." He didn't raise his voice. He didn't get angry. He didn't even look confused.

His green eyes looked…contrite.

"Then what? You're not attracted to me?" The words hurt more to say that I would like.

He brought his hand up to the back of his neck, rubbing brusquely. "Of course I'm attracted to you. I mean, hell, _look at you!_" he gestured towards me with his free hand as if that was all the explanation I needed. "I just don't want to have sex with you. I mean, not now. I mean, not like this. I mean…aw, damn it to hell!" He threw his hands up in the air before burying his face in them.

I backed up to the make-up chair, hopping up into it. "What do you want, Edward?" It surprised me the way my tongue caressed his name. It felt…good. _Right_.

He sighed, shaking his head, his face still buried in his hands. "I don't know anymore."

"Then why did you stay after Felix made it very clear what it was that I wanted?" My voice was small and fragile.

The thought that Felix had given him the rules made my stomach churn abruptly. I didn't want this broken man to think of me like that. I suddenly hated that I had let him see this side of me. For the first time, I felt naked and vulnerable. I swiftly began to loathe the vixen and curse Adam Lambert and his sexy lyrics. I wanted to explain that there was so much more to me. I wanted to show him that I used to be a good person before some jackass broke my heart and somehow, I wanted to prove to him that I still was.

And I still didn't have the first clue why.

He raked his hands through his hair before finally looking back up at me. "I stayed because I have no where else to go."

I chewed this over. The disheveled clothes. The tired eyes. The five o'clock shadow. Had he gotten kicked out of his house or something?

"You…you're…homeless?" I stammered.

He chuckled without humor. "No." He seemed to debate something internally for a minute. "I just meant that there was nowhere else I'd rather be than here. With you."

Why in the world would he want to be with me if he had no intentions of sleeping with me. He didn't even know me!

Then it all came rushing back to me. The fact that he owns a rare cd from two years ago, and came asking for us to sign it. The fact that he's come here three nights in a row. His unusual awareness of me and his surprising concern for my well being.

"Are you, like, a stalker or something?" I pulled my feet up underneath me in a vain attempt to disappear into the chair.

This time, his chuckle was a little more sincere. "I'm a fan, yes, but I assure you that my interest in you and your band is perfectly healthy. You can relax." His worn-out laughter appeared to take the edge off his tension.

I put my elbows on my knees and then it was my turn to drop my face into my hands. I was so inexplicably _tired._ Like five-day-hike-through-the-Sahara-desert-in-three-inch-heels tired. Trying to figure this guy out was making my head hurt.

Project Orgasm was a bust and now, all I wanted more than anything was to climb into my big, comfy bed and sleep until Thursday.

"Listen, Edward. You seem like a nice guy but, you don't know what you want and frankly, I don't know what I want anymore either." I eased out of the make-up chair, aware that my whole body was beginning to subtly ache. "I'm tired, I'm frustrated and, if it's alright by you, I'd really like to just go home."

He jumped up off the couch. "Oh, sure, sure. Sorry for, I mean…do you need a ride home?" He raked his fingers through his hair once again.

I made my way towards the door. "No, it's alright. Felix will give me a ride. Will you be okay?"

He brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck again. "Um, yeah." I opened the door. "Bella?" I kept my hand on the door knob, but turned to look at him over my shoulder. "Since we didn't, um, _you know_…does the rule still apply about me not being able to see you again?"

After everything, my heart soared that he would ask, and the thought of telling him to go away and never come back was absolutely unbearable. "I'll be on stage next Thursday at seven." I assured him, hoping that was enough of an answer.

He grinned in relief. "I'll be there."

**A/N:**_ Adam Lambert's "For Your Entertainment" and "Strut" are copyrighted to their respective owners._

_Pressing the review button below will bring Edward back sooner. He likes it when you press his buttons._

**SHOUT OUT: **_ This chapter is dedicated to InspiredDaisy, cswtnsassy & FiestyGirl whose reviews have brought a huge smile to my face, laughter to my lips and a song to my heart. Keep the reviews coming, ladies! I'm loving every minute of it!_


	6. Forget It Ever Existed

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I'm the sicko who came up with all the other stuff._

Warning: _Not a drop of lemony goodness to be found._

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,531 Words_

**CHAPTER 6: FORGET IT EVER EXISTED **

The days dragged.

The twins dedicated Mondays to their education, trying to complete a week's worth of assignments in one day so that they could dedicate the rest of their time to the band. Therefore, the rest of us were banned from the Hale house – our second home – for twenty four straight hours once a week. The separation anxiety always made Al edgy, like a junkie who desperately needed a fix. She would feel better if she could at least communicate with him by phone or computer, but Jazz begged her not to.

In the beginning, she couldn't resist calling him at least once an hour despite his pleas to the contrary. After the fifth hourly phone call, he turned his cell phone off. That pushed Ali over the edge. She rushed to the house, having convinced herself that something was terribly wrong and that Jazz _needed_ her.

He had opened the door to find a sobbing, shaking Alice. She immediately lunged at him, wrapping her arms and legs around him and peppering his face with kisses. After that, he agreed to leave his phone on under the condition that she promised not to call unless it was an emergency. She compromised, needing the reassurance that she could reach him if she really needed to. Still, it did little to ease the symptoms of withdrawal.

Today, she was tearing through the apartment like a whirling dervish. Every surface was dusted, vacuumed, cleaned, polished and sanitized – and it was only noon. She dropped me off for my shift an hour early, anxious to get to her part time job at a quaint little boutique down the street.

Those were the highlights of my Monday.

Tuesday was even more boring as Alice was out the door and at the Hale's house before the sun was even up. I puttered around the apartment aimlessly, watching images dance across the tv screen without actually registering what it was I was watching. Figuring I was going to have to drive myself to work, I wandered out and washed up my truck for the long haul. I could push sixty in my old Chevy, but it pained me to see the way she would rattle and sputter with the effort. So instead, I would have to leave early to take my time winding my way to Port Angeles.

I loved driving and, despite the looks and snide remarks I got for it, I loved my truck. She was sturdy - simple and reliable - just like me. She had been great for tooling around town or the occasional drive down to First Beach, but I didn't want to push her to go the distances I was now traveling on a daily basis. Plus, as much as I loved a relaxing drive down the highway, let's face it – there are some times when you need to get somewhere, _fast._ For these reasons, I didn't object when Alice or the others insisted on picking me up and chauffeuring me around most of the time.

With nothing better to do today, I found myself looking forward to the long, casual drive. The Chevy groaned a hello as I hopped in and patted her steering wheel affectionately. She coughed and rumbled when I turned the key and it transported me back to some warm, happy memories. I cranked her windows down, tuned the radio as best as I could and headed off to work.

That's as much as I remember about Tuesday.

Jamming and goofing off with my friends made Wednesday morning and afternoon go by faster, which I was grateful for. We had nothing new to work with, so we just played for our own amusement. Eventually, Ali and I left to head for our jobs in Port Angeles. You know - same old, same old.

Wednesday eeked out the last of its boring existence.

And then it was Thursday, and the world had color and sound again. The planets aligned and magic was everywhere and anything was possible. All because I would see _him._

It was insanity, really. I was completely aware that I had lost my mind. I was anxious to see a man that I couldn't even look at, anxious to hear a voice I would be unable to respond to, and anxious for the sweet torture of being close enough to touch him, even though he didn't want me to.

_I'll take my straight jacket in an extra small, thanks._

I don't know if it was Alice, Felix, Cosmo, James, Edward or all the men in between, but someone or something had flipped my life upside down so that nothing made sense to me anymore. Still, I found myself embracing the absurdity because it felt good in a twisted way. The longing, the ache, the clammy hands and dry throat and choking on my own heart weren't pleasurable so to say…they just felt _right _somehow.

Therefore, when Mr. Green Eyes was nowhere to be found Thursday night, it was sad to see all the color and music drain back out of my world.

I wasn't aware that I had hoped to see him Friday night too, but when he was a no-show once again, my heart sank and the gray and silence seeped back in.

I don't remember much about Saturday until I found myself singing on stage, my eyes following the disheveled ghost as he slunk around the edge of the room, slipping into a vacant booth near the back.

My heart split in two. One half was soaring, trying desperately to lift the veil of doom and gloom. The other half was sinking with the burden of sorrow and pain for the return of the broken man. The stubble had grown into a short, scruffy beard. His hair and clothes were a mess and his shoulders hunched over as if he was trying to fold back in on himself. Even from across the room, despite the dim lighting, it was evident that the shadows beneath his green eyes were even worse than they had been the last time I saw him.

I finished the set in a haze, briefly accepting the compliments of the audience members who rushed the stage. Once I could break away, I worked through the crowded room toward the booth, only to find it empty once again. The soaring half of my heart struggled to stay afloat before giving up to join the other half on the floor of my subconscious.

I was deflated once again.

I made my way back to the dressing room, waiting with Alice while the guys loaded the Jeep and Ro excused herself to the ladies room. I was sitting in a daze when someone distracted me by clearing their throat. Edward was leaning in through the doorway, the jewel case in his hand.

"Um, sorry to interrupt, but I'm still missing one signature." Tired eyes landed on mine. "Would you mind?"

I glanced towards Alice, who was already shifting her way towards the door. "Oh, take your time, Bella. I'm gonna go look for Rose."

She patted Edward on the shoulder as she slipped past him.

I scooted over on the couch, patting the cushion beside me in invitation. My heart thudded erratically, my chest constricted and the knot in my stomach tightened inconceivably, but oddly enough, the usual symptoms weren't debilitating this time. It was as if the fight or flight reaction I usually felt in his presence was overridden by the intense desire to comfort him.

His shoulders slumped as he made his way over and dropped down beside me. For a moment, the only sounds that filled the room was the mingling of our breath in the air.

"You didn't come on Thursday." It wasn't an accusation or a question, but it demanded a response nonetheless.

He looked down, his eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I was at the hospital."

I propped my knee up on the sofa between us so that I could turn to face him. Without my permission, my fingertips ran through his hair, smoothing the disarray. He didn't pull away.

"You were in the hospital?" My stomach clenched as I waited for his response.

He shook his downcast head. "No, I was there for someone else, _but I wish it was me_." My lungs spasmed painfully. He drew in a deep breath, as if the effort of speaking was taking a toll on his weary soul. "I've been there most of the time since Sunday night."

So that was the place he was avoiding going back to. That was the reason he had preferred to stay with my horny, demanding ass. And I had basically shut down and kicked him out. The new insight made me even more disgusted with myself.

"Are they going to be okay?" My voice was small and timid.

He shook his head as I watched as a single tear fall. My arms ached with the overwhelming need to hold him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He lifted his head to look at me for the first time since entering the dressing room and his tired, green eyes brimmed with tears of pain and sorrow and fear. Unable to resist any longer, I reached out and embraced him, pulling him tightly to me, trying to squeeze the hurt right out of him.

After a moment, his arms weakly wrapped around me, limply returning the embrace. He buried his head into my neck and I could feel his hot tears silently falling on my shoulder. My heart twisted in response.

I don't know how long we sat there, holding each other, purging his pent up pain. I'm not sure exactly when his tears stopped falling or when his arms became strong around me. I can't say exactly when I noticed the subtle change in his breathing. But somehow, the atmosphere had shifted around us. The air seemed to crackle with an electrical current.

His nose skimmed from my clavicle up along my neck, his lips ghosting over the sensitive flesh there. He nestled into the hair behind my ear, inhaling my scent deeply. I reciprocated, breathing in his heady fragrance, setting my senses ablaze.

He brought his soft lips to my ear and whispered huskily "How is it that I don't know you and yet, somehow, you can make me feel like it will all be okay?"

I nuzzled my cheek against his, shivering at the way his beard bristled against my skin. I knew exactly what he meant.

His lips parted, his breath hot and damp against my neck just like I had imagined. I shivered with anticipation. He kissed my neck sensuously and I closed my eyes as a low, mewling noise escaped from my throat. My hand raced to the back of his head, my fingers lacing through his thick hair, holding his head to my neck desperately.

His hands splayed across my back hungrily, pulling my body tightly to his as the moisture pooled between my thighs. I instinctively squeezed my thighs together in response to the rising pressure.

I kneaded his scalp as he continued to lavish my neck, collar and shoulder with soft, sweet kisses, the whiskers tickling me as he moved along my skin. We rasped in and out in unison, our breathing rapidly picking up in pace.

As he drew his tongue across my collar bone, I heard him mumble. My head was so clouded that I could barely make it out, but it sounded like he said "Unbearable. My God…so beautiful." My eyes stung at the words, though I could find no logical reason that I would want to cry.

He worked his way back up, tracing the shell of my ear with his nose, his rapid breath foggy on my jaw. His hands wove into my hair, cradling the back of my head.

"I want you, Bella. I want you so badly that I can't stand myself." He sucked gently on the corner of my jaw and my breasts ached for his touch. "But I can't." He pulled his precious lips away from my skin, leaning his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses dancing languidly around one another. His sweet breath caressed my lips and for the first time since James left me, I wanted to be kissed.

For a moment, we sat in silence, both attempting to calm our ragged breath.

"I have to go." He struggled with the words, his thumbs easing out from my hair to stroke across my cheeks. I could find no words that I wanted to say. "I have to go back to the hospital. They're expecting me."

We held our stance a moment longer before he clenched his eyes shut and pulled away, releasing me. When he opened his eyes, the intensity was gone. He just looked sad…and resolved.

I could suddenly sympathize with what Alice had felt a week before when she seemed so unhappy by my decision to give up. Here, Edward looked determined to follow through with something that he didn't appear to have any choice in. I could understand her concern now; could feel my face mimicking the expression I had then seen on hers.

He took my hands in his and squeezed before standing up. He tugged my hands, pulling, signaling for me to stand up in front of him. Once we were both standing, he hugged me warmly, resting his cheek against my head.

"Will I see you again?" I whispered, snuggling into his broad chest, drawing his aroma deep into my lungs. An addict's desperate last hit.

He sighed. "Yes. I can't promise you when…but I'll be back."

He pressed his lips chastely against my forehead, turned around and walked out.

"I'll be waiting." I whispered to no one in particular.

That night, we all slept over at the Hale's house. Even though it was pretty much accepted by now that the twins were both sexually active, us girls always slept in Ro's room and Em always passed out in Jazz's room out of respect for Momma and Big Daddy C.

Esme woke us all up for breakfast around nine o'clock. She tried to let us all sleep in as late as possible, but she thought it would be nice for us to eat together before Carlisle had to head in to the office to work on some files.

We made it into the dining room to see a feast fit for a king. The table was filled from end to end with every breakfast food imaginable. I would say that I couldn't imagine how we could possibly finish it all, but then I noticed that Em had one plate of pancakes, one plate of assorted breakfast meats, a third plate with eggs, hash browns, biscuits and gravy and was currently dishing some fruit into a small bowl. I'll never know how that man could put so much food away and manage to stay in shape on his regimen of "Guitar Hero" marathons.

Carlisle and Jasper paled in comparison, but they still heaped food upon their single plates, risking a complete collapse. Ali started off with a small bowl of fruit salad, but I knew that she would sneak in some sausage and bacon from time to time when she didn't think we were looking.

Rose and I kept it reasonable. A spoonful of eggs with cheese, two strips of bacon for me, two strips of sausage for her, and a small serving of hash browns. I settled for a tumbler of orange juice while she headed straight for the coffee pot.

We knew by now that Esme wouldn't eat until we had all gotten our fill. Instead, she busied herself rushing around the table, refilling our glasses, passing out napkins or handing over syrup and butter as needed. She absolutely loved cooking and entertaining, but all of our hectic schedules didn't grant us many opportunities like today. Mornings like these, it was easy to wonder how my life would be different if I had grown up with the Hales.

With their loving, steady influence, would I have ended up with James or would I have waited for something better, healthier? Would I have ever started this strange quest of mine, sleeping with random men in the search for sexual gratification, or would I have been more like Rosie, confident enough in my own sexuality to please myself any damn time I wanted to?

More importantly, would I have found myself pining over some mysterious, broken down, sex God who turned me to putty in his hands even though I didn't know the first thing about him? Would I find myself mesmerized by his green eyes in my sleep and constantly fixated on identifying the never ending emotions that played behind his eyes?

I had a good life. A little chaotic at times – definitely not the Norman Rockwell painting that the Hales portrayed – but my parents loved me and did their best. I wanted to be one of those people who could say that they regretted nothing because every twist and turn their life had taken led them to being the person they were today, and they would have it no other way. But the truth was, I wasn't so confident I liked who I'd become anymore.

Before I was a jaded ex-girlfriend, I had been a hopeless romantic. Before I had let James convince me that I had waited long enough, I had highly valued my virtue. Before I had given up on satisfying my heart, I never would have even considered a random string of one-nights stands in the search for sexual gratification.

I was happy that I had shed some of my insecurities in order to come to terms with being a sexual person. That was definitely a relief. I had once been so shy and timid, so protective of my good girl persona that it interfered with my ability to just have fun, so I was grateful that I was finally coming out of my shell and loosening up.

But if given the choice to go back and do things differently, I definitely would have found another route to get where I am today. Yep, James and Project Orgasm would have never happened.

I was reminded of what Alice had said. _There something in between the two extremes._

I had been splintered apart for too long. Florida Bella and Washington Bella and In Between Bella. Casual Bella and Rock Star Bella. Shy and Vixen Bella. Before and After Bella.

_This shit stops here and now. Pull it together._

Once Carlisle headed out to work, we all helped Momma Hale clean up. Now, the guys were down in the garage tuning up the Jeep while we girls were seated on the plush comforter on Rosie's bed.

"I need your help." I told Ali and Ro.

"Sure, sweetie, what do you need?" Ali was immediately supportive.

"Wait, if this has anything to do with us helping you reach an orgasm; I'm completely out, Dorothy. Good witch or bad witch, I am simply not _that _magical and I want nothing to do with your pussy." Rose put her hands out towards me, ready to ward off my pussy's inevitable attack. They giggled until they noticed my somber smile.

"That's the thing." I turned my head away from them to look out the window. "I don't want to _be_ that girl anymore."

They each scooted over beside me, sandwiching me as I shared the thoughts I had been mulling over at breakfast.

I gave in to a chuckle when Rosie commented on the inappropriateness of my thoughts during a family meal. "I mean, seriously Bella, how can you watch my father stuffing his face with sticky pancakes and think about random fucking? I mean, _that's just wrong!"_

When the giggle subsided, I went on. "Ali, you're right. I have to make a change, but I'm going to need everyone's help to make it happen. I mean, I don't know who to be anymore."

Alice looked at me endearingly. "Just be yourself, Bella."

"What if I don't know who that is?"

"Don't worry, Dorothy. We'll help you figure it out." Ro wrapped her arm around my neck and pulled me over roughly. For a second, I expected to receive my first noogie ever. "Me, Toto, Scarecrow and all the rest of the gang!" She squeezed and laughed before releasing me.

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you Ro?"

She placed her hand over her heart. "Not until the day I own those precious ruby slippers."

Alice redirected our attention. "Okay, so, first things first." She reached over to the nightstand, digging into her purse. She retrieved her cell phone, grabbed my hand and placed it in my palm.

"You want me to call someone who cares?" I teased.

"Exactly. It's time to call Felix and break the sad news. Project Orgasm is cancelled."

"Aw, but the Wizard will be so sad!" Rosalie whined.

"No he won't." I smirked as I dialed. "I'm pretty sure Demetri will make him forget it ever existed."

**A/N:**_ My Smut Dealer is highly dissatisfied with me. She thinks the lack of reviews means that my story is not to your liking, and she's sending the Volturi after me to collect. PLEASE HELP!_

**SHOUT OUT:**_ Many, many thanks to phoebelicious! Your profound, analytical reviews have flattered me to no end, I love the fact that you seem to be able to find the humor in my story that so many others have missed and I can't thank you enough for recommending my story on the Twilight FanFic Addicts Facebook Page! Happy reading and please keep feeding my fragile ego with your superb reviews!_


	7. Spiritual Encounters

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The crazy stuff that happens to her fantastic characters? Yep, I did that._

Warning: _Don't worry, I'll go out to the store and stock up on some lemons and limes soon._

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,451 Words_

**CHAPTER 7: SPIRITUAL ENCOUNTERS**

Alice organized us regiment style and titled the new initiative "Project Rediscovering Bella", or "Project Discovery" for short. Now that I would no longer be striving to achieve a mind blowing orgasm, Rosalie and Alice felt that it was important for me to find another outlet for my pent up energy. Everyone had a part to play, mine being deemed the simplest and most important. My assignment? Try everything they threw at me at least once.

And so it began when Alice woke me up at six Monday morning.

"Up and at 'em, sunshine!" She chirped as she bounced onto the bed beside me. I pulled the blanket over my head.

"Ugh! Alice, can't we do this later? Like, you know, when _normal_ people wake up?"

"Don't be silly, Bella! I've already been awake for an hour. Now come on and get out of bed, sleepy head."

"But Alice, the sun isn't even up yet!" I whined from my cocoon.

She tore the covers out of my hands and hovered above me. "Isabella Marie Swan, I have already let you sleep an extra half an hour. Now stop being a whiny bitch and get out of this bed because you are _seriously_ ruining my mojo!" She stomped off into the living room.

Project Discovery had been in effect for five minutes and I already liked Project Orgasm much, much better. At least under Felix's direction, I could sleep in late.

I padded out into the kitchen, my pajama pants dragging along the ground as I scrunched my eyes against the offending neon lights. Drill sergeant Alice was chipper and perky again…_for now._

"Here you go! I made you an energy shake." She held out a tall glass of what appeared to be liquefied grass and beetles. "Drink it all before we begin, it will give you more stamina." I sniffed at it and grimaced. It smelled like house paint and appeared to have a similar consistency.

"What is it?"

"I _told_ you, Bella." She seethed through her smile. "It's an _energy drink._ Now _drink it._"

How could a sprite be so intimidating? I thought mythical creatures were all supposed to shit rainbows and sunshine, not force you to drink swamp water with a sadistic grin.

I drank a little bit and then lowered the glass as I began to gag. _Liquid Drano had to go down smoother than this shit._ But when I caught Al glaring at me over the rim, her gaze scared me more than the contents of the glass. I tilted my head back, pinched my nose and downed it.

I swear I felt the beetles trying to claw their way up and out of my esophagus. I slammed the glass down on the counter, noting Ali's smug face as I gasped for breath.

She daintily finished her shake before leading me out to the living room where she now had two Yoga mats set up.

"When did you have time to get a second mat? We just talked about doing this last night." I mused.

"Oh, I've always known I'd get you to do Yoga with me eventually. I got these at a two for one sale!" I didn't know if she was beaming at her own brilliant foresight or at her uncanny knack to find deals.

For the next hour, she forced me into contortions that were meant to promote healing and relaxation while Enigma chanted on the stereo. How is bending my body in the _wrong way_ supposed to promote healing? And how the hell am I supposed to relax with my shoulders pressed into the floor and my ass hovering in the air, causing the blood to rush to my head? Is being on the verge of blacking out supposed to be relaxing?

I'll give the midget this much – whatever the crap was that she had me drink – I was still able to keep up with her when we went for the half hour jog shortly after. Sure I was breathing a little harder than she was, but the only cardiovascular workout I had partaken in recently involved standing up, sitting or lying down with a man on, beside or beneath me.

This was slightly more strenuous.

By nine o'clock, we had exercised, showered and dressed and were seated at the kitchen counter, eating cereal.

"So, what are the plans for the rest of the day?"

"Oh, well, since Emmet and I are on probation from our honeys today, we thought it might be good to spend the afternoon together. I'm not sure exactly what he has in mind, though."

"What? You're letting Em plan the activity?" I was astonished.

"Bella, trust me, I have plenty of things in store for you, but I can't do it all myself, right? Didn't you say you needed all of us to help?" She explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, but you're going too. You're not usually one to relinquish control like that." I admonished.

"Yeah, well," she shrugged, "it's better than hanging out here by myself all day wishing I was with Jasper."

We settled into the sofa and watched a romantic comedy until Em drove up in the Jeep. He swept each of us up in one of his arms and squeezed as he swooped in the door. We couldn't help but giggle at his enthusiasm. Then he put us down and looked at us with disapproval. "No, no, no! What are you wearing?"

_Really? Emmet was reprimanding us for our fashion sense? This was a first!_

Al and I both glanced down at what we were wearing and then, looked over each other, trying to understand what was wrong with our outfits. Em grabbed our shoulders and spun us away from him.

"Go put on something old and raggedy, for God's sake! And hurry up!"

Ali and I gave each other another confused look. "Go!" He boomed behind us. I ran into my bedroom, searching for something particularly comfortable that I wouldn't mind if it somehow became destroyed by the afternoon's activities.

"But I don't _own _anything old and raggedy!" Ali whined from her bedroom.

Emmet chuckled from somewhere in the kitchen. "Alright, but it's your loss!" He mumbled with a mouth full of food. _My goodness, what was he eating now?_

I grabbed an extra pair of jeans and a shirt and ran into Ali's bedroom. I burst out laughing when I saw her holding up two name brand blouses, looking back and forth between them, torn over which one she could possibly bear to part with. I held the sweats and t-shirt out to her. "Oh, thank God!" She gasped.

Alice normally wouldn't be caught dead in these things, but I could tell that she wasn't willing to risk her wardrobe on whatever Emmet had in store for us. She had to roll the sweats up a couple of times to keep them from dragging on the ground, but Em seemed much happier with our new, ragamuffin style.

I had to admit, I was getting kind of excited to find out what he had planned.

We headed north on the highway for about an hour, finally pulling over at some place for sports enthusiasts. Em put the Jeep in park and looked at us with a boyish, dimpled grin, obviously pleased with himself. By the look on his face, you would think he had just driven us to Disney Land instead of some sports shack in the middle of the woods.

I was intrigued by his choice, but Al just looked disgusted…and scared. Emmet took one look at our confused faces and let out a booming laugh. "You girls are too much. C'mon." He smoothly jumped out of the Jeep and helped us down one by one.

The wooden building looked ancient, it's sloping roof covered with bright green moss. A porch spanned across the front with a couple of rocking chairs to the right and two stools set up to the left, oriented around a small table with a chessboard.

It reminded me of the places my dad used to take me when we'd go fishing during the summers. Although I had never been at this particular stop, it still felt friendly and vaguely familiar. Alice, on the other hand, acted as if any surface she touched might give her a deadly disease.

Em walked around us and waved to some of the fellows inside, greeting them by name. To the back left of the shack was a high wooden counter. A tall, lean man smiled broadly when he saw us approach. He and Emmet exchanged some sort of complicated handshake across the counter.

"Hey Eleazar! There's someone I want you to meet." Emmet boomed.

Eleazar looked over at Ali and me. "Oh, one of these two your Rosie?" He inquired. Alice and I shook our heads and giggled.

"Naw, Eli. These girls are like my sisters. Rose is busy studying today, so they're keeping me company so I don't go mad. Eleazar, I'd like you to meet Bella and Alice."

The older gentlemen smiled warmly at us, tipping his baseball cap to us, momentarily revealing short, dark brown hair. "And you just thought you'd bring these two lovely ladies out here to the middle of nowhere for a couple of hot dogs, is that it?"

Emmet's dimply smile made him look like an oversized child. "You betchya! The best damn dogs in the Olympic Peninsula!"

While maintaining a polite smile, Alice gripped my wrist tightly and leaned closer to me. "Are you kidding me?" She whispered through clenched teeth. "He expects me to eat _hot dogs?_" She nearly choked on the word. "In _this_ place?" The smile remained plastered in place as her eyes darted around. "Do you have any idea how many health code violations I am spotting, Bella? Not to mention that hot dogs will go right to my thighs!"

I had to say, I was impressed at how cherubic she could appear while simultaneously sounding so thoroughly disgusted. That's not an easy thing to do.

My responding smile was a little more natural. "Loosen up, Alice. What's it going to hurt to try something once? Besides, the FDA has no clue how to make a top notch hot dog." I winked and she struggled not to gag.

I stepped up beside Emmet, dragging Al up to the counter with me.

"What'll it be, Swan?" The big guy prompted.

"Your treat, Emmet?" I teased

"Oh yeah, this is all on me, babe."

"If he forces me to eat one of those things, you bet your ass it will end up _all on him._" Alice mumbled under her breath.

I bit my lip as I looked over the menu that hung above Eli's head. "Hmmmmm, I'm feelin' mighty darin', Em. I think I'd like to try one of them thar Devil Dogs." I drawled in a terrible southern accent.

Emmet gawked at me in mock surprise and picked up the terrible southern drawl. "Why Miss Bella! Do you know what is _on_ them thar Devil Dogs?"

I nodded my head, feigning offence. "Why Em, I do believe I can read the goddamn sign hangin' thar! It says that the Devil Dog comes with all the fixin's – chili, cheese, ketchup, mustard, onions and a generous helpin' of Hot Sauce. Why, is that right, Mr. Eleazar?"

Eli bowed his head in agreement and joined in on the fun. "That's sure right, Bella. That's a mighty powerful dog thar, missy. Sure you's can handle it?"

I leaned forward conspiratorially. "Why Eli, I'm sure I can handle whatever it is your dishin' out." I winked and Eli let out a throaty, hearty laugh.

"Girly, you are just too much!" He swiped at his watery eyes. "One Devil Dog, on me." He turned his attention to Ali, who was scowling at the menu. "And what about you, miss?"

Ali's eyebrows furrowed and her lips set into a little sneer. "Do you have any diet hot dogs?" That set Eleazar off on another laughing fit.

A few minutes later, we settled in at a small table with our lunch. Emmet had ordered three fully loaded foot longs with a side of fries. I settled in with my complimentary Devil dog while Alice continued to scowl down at her plain hot dog with a thin dribbling of mustard.

Eli had insisted on the mustard.

Em and I stared anxiously at Al, waiting for her to take her first bite. In took her a moment to notice, but then she looked up and shook her head. "Nuh-uh. No way. You two eat first. If you don't die, I might consider putting this in my body." Emmet actually snorted before turning his attention on me.

I interlocked my fingers and stretched my arms out in front of me, as if preparing for some athletic trial. My knuckles popped generously, causing Ali to grimace. I reached down to the hot dog monstrosity, wrapped my hands around it and practically dislocated my jaw to take my first bite. Topping dribbled down my chin, but Em was there with a napkin to help clean me up.

I chewed for a minute, appreciating the combination of flavors for a moment before swallowing. Then, I smiled brightly at Emmet, who was anxiously waiting for my response. "It's good!" I exclaimed.

"Waaaaait for it…" Eli sang from the counter. I hadn't been aware that he was watching with just as much fascination as Emmet. Then, suddenly, a five alarm fire went off in my mouth.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" I shouted. My eyes watered, my nose started running, my face flushed and my tongue blistered. I fanned my mouth frantically with my hands, trying to extinguish the raging inferno in my throat. I grabbed around the table, desperately seeking something to soothe the burn, only to realize that we had forgotten to order any drinks.

I jumped up and ran towards the counter to beg Eli for water, only to find that he was ready with a large cup of milk. I clawed at the cup, barely making it to my mouth before I tipped it back and chugged the whole damn thing. I slammed the cup back on the counter and gasped for air. I looked up at Eli pitifully with teary eyes and then, we both started to laugh. Em's guffaws mingled with Alice's girlish giggles and soon, the shocked men sitting around the other side of the shack were chuckling and slapping their knees in amusement.

"Well, Eli, that's the third 'Holy Mother of God' you've gotten this week!" One heavyset man called out.

"Actually, Chuck, that's the second. The other one was an 'Oh, Sweet Jesus', remember?" Another, overall-wearing man corrected.

Another man, who appeared to be an employee as well, wandered over to us with a camera. "Mind if we take your picture for the wall?" He smiled a reassuring, toothy grin.

"What wall?"

"I'll explain in a minute, Bells, just smile for the camera." Em prompted.

Eli stepped out from behind the counter, threw his lanky arm around my shoulder and we both smiled, giving a thumbs up to the camera. Once the bright flash faded, Eli returned behind the counter, refilled my cup with more milk and placed a chalky looking tablet on a napkin in front of me.

"How much do I owe you for the milk?" I asked.

Eleazar shook his head and put his hand up to reject the offer. "Milk is included in the Devil Dog special." He tapped the napkin with the tablet. "So is the antacid." Then he leaned forward with a wink, just as I had done earlier, and whispered "Trust me….you'll thank me later."

Caught up in the excitement, Ali tried her hot dog and admitted that it was actually quiet good, though she still only ate half of it. Meanwhile, Em finished off his meal and both of our hot dogs with the greatest of ease.

_I swear that man is a bottomless pit._

As I finished sipping on my milk, Emmet left Ali and me to go talk to the camera man. They chatted for a few minutes, some money exchanged hands and then he sauntered back over to our table with a look of pure mischief. "Ready for the main event, ladies?"

Alice was abashed. "You mean, there's more?"

"Yep!" Emmet squeeled. "C'mon!"

As we started to leave, Emmet sidetracked, leading us to a three foot wide wall filled with pictures of all different shapes and sizes. There were Polaroids and ancient looking, faded photos dispersed among much more recent photos. Only a very little bit of the dark wood paneling peeked through the spread of pictures. A raggedy banner stretched across the top of the wall, reading "Fear the Devil Dog's Wrath!" Upon closer inspection, the photos depicted people in different expressions of pain. Some were fanning their mouth as I had done. Others had their hands crossed across their neck, making the universal sign for choking. Another man mocked choking a younger, laughing Eli.

Two side-by-side photos were particularly amusing. The left showed a woman on her knees with her head in a metal tub. The right showed the same woman standing beside the tub, her face and hair dripping wet as she held a half eaten Devil Dog in one hand and gave the thumbs up signal with the other. I felt a sense of comraderie with these nameless faces, knowing that my painstaking mug would soon be mixed into the bunch.

Emmet turned for the door and Al and I nearly had to run to catch up with his oversized, over-eager strides. He stomped off the porch and around to the left of the shack where three ATV's were parked. Ali and I almost bumped into him when he stopped abruptly, spun around and held up three keys in his massive paws. "We're going riding, baby!"

I turned to look at Ali and was shocked when she looked as happy and excited as I felt. Apparently, his excitement was contagious. He gave us each a key and provided some quick, basic instructions before strapping us into our helmets and leading the way.

We followed Emmet, riding around on different paths through the woods, enjoying the freedom, danger and excitement. About an hour into the ride, Em stopped in a clearing and turned off his ATV, so Ali and I followed suit. I could see the point of our old, raggedy clothes now. We were covered in mud, dirt, dust, leaves and other signs of the wild, but it was so completely worth it.

We walked on foot, following Emmet's lead, out of the clearing onto a narrow, overgrown path, soaking in the sounds of nature all around us. A few minutes later, Emmet turned with a finger to his lips, first motioning for us to be quiet and then gesturing for us to watch our step. He stepped to the left, clearing the view in front of us. Ali stepped up beside me to realize that we had reached a ledge and were now looking over a glorious waterfall.

Trees reached their long branches over the edge and lush plants clung to the cliffs. The water rained down into a small pool, the spray catching the light and reflecting tiny rainbows. Two bear cubs were at the water's edge, swatting nervously at the surface, not quite ready to venture out just yet. A couple of yards away, their mother stood closer to the center of the pool, intently watching the fish swimming around her. Ali gasped when the bear lunged, coming up with a massive, multi-hued fish in her jaws. She raced out of the water and dropped her prize on the rocks before her cubs, urging them to eat first. It was awe inspiring to watch.

Em sighed and turned to me with satisfaction in his childlike eyes. I grinned, attempting to express my gratification without ruining the sanctity of the moment.

Alice and I made it back to our apartment, showered, changed and headed out to Port Angeles, just in time to make it to our respective shifts.

It started off rough, but I would say that day one of Project Rediscovering Bella was a smashing success. Having exercised my body with Alice, tested my limitations with Emmet and shared a spiritual encounter with the two of them left me feeling revitalized and refreshed.

In fact, it wasn't until I settled into my covers that night, anxious for sleep, that the thought of green eyes and other spiritual encounters ever crossed my mind.

**A/N:**_ Can't talk. Volturi has me in a choke hold. Must…press…review…button…for…me…to…live…_


	8. Away From This Life

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I am the thief who stole a quote from the movie for my own selfish purposes below._

Warning: _Store was all out of lemons. I'm still looking…_

Approx: _11 Pages/__ 5,011 Words_

**CHAPTER 8: AWAY FROM THIS LIFE**

The couples spent Tuesday making up for all the sex they didn't have Monday, so they were out of the picture. That left Felix on Project Discovery duty.

It wasn't that he didn't support my new initiative; he just didn't really have any idea what he was supposed to do with me. Finding a hot guy and warning him that I was about to sex him up without any strings attached was easy. Helping me find alternatives to such behavior was much harder than he bargained for.

I slept in till eleven, ate a Hot Pocket and made my way over to Felix and Demetri's place just after noon. We played Rock Band for a while, but that didn't hold our attention nearly as long as usual. By two o'clock, we were at the mall, munching on a couple of pretzels and people watching. I have to admit, that was fun. We would find couples or groups of people and dub their voices like bad Asian films. After a while, though, our minds wandered into the gutter. Our dubbed conversations went from sexual innuendo to full blown sex scandal within fifteen minutes time. The ache that I had all but forgotten about during yesterday's adventures reemerged with gusto.

We tried to go back to PG13 voice overs, but it was too late – the damage was done. We settled into making a running commentary on the people who walked by instead.

_She_ _needs a mani/pedi like, yesterday!_

_Did you see that guy's hair plugs? He should totally get his money back._

_Damn, that girl is working those jeans!_

But even that went downhill fast. Soon it turned into an Edward Match Game_._

_That girl's hair is almost the same shade as Edward's._

_Edward would look so much hotter in that outfit. _

_Do you think Edward likes girls like that?_

_It's funny, I don't usually like facial hair like that guy has, but on Edward, I didn't mind._

Felix got tired of that game fast. He grabbed my wrist and yanked me roughly towards the exit.

"Where are we going?" I shouted at him, trailing after my arm clumsily.

"I can't take this anymore! Alice wants me to help you find a way to release your pent up energy? There's only one thing I know to do."

An hour later, I didn't notice when Alice came home to get ready for her shift.

"Oh Felix!" I moaned in delight. "It's soooooooo good!"

"I want more, Bella! Pleeeeeeeeease, give it to me!" He groaned.

Alice burst through my bedroom door, her eyes black with anger. "What the hell are you two doing?"

I held my spoon out to her. "Dulce Delish. It's one of Ben & Jerry's new flavors. Want some?"

Apparently, by the way she stammered and blinked rapidly, our ice cream orgy had completely caught Ali off guard.

_What else did she expect to find when she opened the door?_

When she collected her wits, she narrowed her eyes at the large man sprawled on my bedroom floor, an empty ice cream carton in one outstretched hand as he sucked the remnants off of a large spoon. "You. Living room. Now." She barked before stomping out.

"Oooooh, you're in trouble!" I said in a juvenile, sing-song voice.

He stood up and pushed my head down into my ice cream bowl as he headed for the door.

"Hey!" I squealed.

He popped his head back into my room. "No. _Now_ I'm in trouble." He blasted a devilish grin at me before disappearing.

I growled, put my bowl down on my nightstand and slinked off to the bathroom to wipe the sticky goodness off of my face.

"How the hell is forcing 10,000 useless calories down her throat supposed to be productive?" Ali charged.

"Hell, did you see her with that spoon? I had to practically pry the carton out of her hands Alice! There was no force feeding going on in that room!" Felix countered.

I heard a smacking sound. "Ow, Alice! Jesus! That's the arm I use to jerk off!"

She wouldn't be swayed by humor. "Felix, we are supposed to be helping her find productive ways to deal with her aggravation and you suggest ice cream? Have you _seen_ how sexually frustrated that girl is? If you buy her a carton of ice cream every time she gets horny, she'll be 300 pounds by Christmas!"

"Are you saying you won't love her if she puts on weight, Alice? Because I think that's downright prejudicial and highly insensitive of you. Fat people have feelings too, you know."

_Smack._

"Damn Alice! I'm serious! If you injure this arm and I'm forced to rub one out with my left hand, I could seriously disfigure myself!"

_Smack._

"Okay! Okay, ya big bully! Stop hitting me! Damn it to hell, woman, that hurts!"

Alice's tone softened, so that I had to strain to hear her now. "Felix, she's asking us for help. Seriously, do you know how hard that is for her? Do you _get_ that? Now, if you're just around for shits and giggles, fine. We'll count you out of the plan and let Bella know that she can't depend on you for any more than that. But if you really, sincerely care about her, you have to get your act together. If there's a weak link, this could all fall apart."

There was silence. I could hear the clock on the kitchen wall ticking the seconds off.

Felix's voice was somber. "I love her, Alice. I do. I want to help; I'm just seriously out of my element here, okay? I tried today. We played video games and then I took her to the mall, but somehow, that just made it worse. Ice cream and laughter has always been mine and Bella's thing, you know? I guess I just defaulted."

I couldn't take anymore, so I stepped out into the living room to break it up. "Are we all done here?" I asked, my hands on my hips defiantly.

The giant fairy and the pygmy bully turned to look at me and cracked up laughing. Not exactly the reaction I was going for.

"What exactly do you think is so funny? Poor, pathetic Bella who's friends have to put her back together again?" I huffed.

For some reason, this made them laugh harder. Ali grabbed a napkin off of the counter beside her and handed it to Felix, who hobbled towards me. "Princess, you have schmutz on your face!" He said, wrapping the napkin around my nose and pinching as he pulled away.

"I'm sorry!" Ali gasped, "You just look so cute throwing your little temper tantrum with ice cream all over your face!"

Felix was roaring. "Look Alice! Concrete evidence to support my claim that she was going at the bowl like a rabid mongoose! The proof is all over her face."

In my decision to eavesdrop on their conversation, I had forgotten my plan to go wash up. I could now clearly see the damage in the bathroom mirror and I had to admit that it was amusing, even if I did still refuse to laugh.

They drove me crazy sometimes, but this much was plain to see: my friends sure did love me.

Wednesday, Rose and Emmet wanted to show us a new tune they had come up with. It was upbeat, feel good music that definitely fit our style. When they got through playing it once, Ali jumped in on the keys, asking them to play it again. She started fingering an accompaniment. It was rough, but you could definitely see where she was going with it would be good. Rosie gestured for Jazz to pick up his guitar and began picking out notes on her bass to show him what she had in mind for his part. It was the upbeat, happy song they had all wanted.

But they weren't writers, so they were leaving that part up to me, not realizing how much of a challenge that would be. The words usually came to me _with_ the melody. I never had a completed tune until I had all of the words. They worked hand in hand for me. As if that wasn't difficult enough, how was I supposed to write about love and happiness when I had no idea what that felt like?

The song had a long way to go before Al and Jazz would be successfully worked in, so I didn't argue, for now. I would do my best to give my friends – my band – what they needed from me. It was the least I could do.

Jasper took over Project Discovery duty Thursday morning. His choice of activity scared the bejeezus out of me and thrilled me just the same. I had never been to a shooting range before, so I had no idea what to expect.

Having a holster hanging in the hallway everyday was enough to fascinate me as a little kid. Then, when I moved back in with Charlie in my teens, the chief of police trusted me enough to actually leave the gun in the holster. I never touched it, but part of me was always curious. I think it's that idea that you want what you can't have. Charlie made it very clear that his gun was off limits which, of course, made me want to touch it that much more.

Although the Hales lead a comfortable life, they insisted that the twins have an innate appreciation for all that God had blessed them with and a profound respect for the work that was required to earn it.

When Jazz was eleven, Dr. Hale took him to the shooting range to learn how to handle a gun. From what Jazz tells me, they went once a week for two months, until Jasper began to grow bored with it. Feeling confident in his son's marksmanship, Dr. Hale took him hunting for the first time that summer.

Jasper regained the excitement that had been waning as he and his father wandered into the woods with their shotguns. He listened intently, anxious to spot some game. When Mr. Hale spotted a six-point buck about a hundred yards away, he caught Jasper's attention, motioned for him to stay quiet, and took aim. The shot echoed through the trees, causing the birds to flee from their positions on the myriad of branches over head. The buck went down swiftly. Jasper's blood was racing, adrenaline pumping through his system like never before.

The two made their way through the tall ferns over to where the majestic animal had fallen. Jasper's enthusiasm dissipated when he looked down at the creature. Large, black eyes stared blankly back at him, and he truly grasped for the first time that the deer had seen the very last it would ever see of this world. He marveled at the toned muscles beneath the course fur and wondered at the long, thin legs that would never run through those woods again. He had never seen something die before, had never known how it felt to watch the light in a being's eyes be extinguished.

He cried that day, sobs racking over his body as he knelt in front of the fallen deer. Dr. Hale placed a hand on his son's shoulder and reassured him with a squeeze. With grave sincerity, Dr. Hale pointed to the bullet wound just behind the dear's front leg, explaining to his young son that it had been a clean shot through the heart. Hehad no reason to believe that the animal had suffered any pain, but the lesson had been clear.

For one, guns were to be respected and handled with care due to their inherent danger. Secondly, life was precious, no matter what form it took.

Young Jasper refused to eat meat for a week before Mrs. Hale insisted that his father talk him out of it. But, Jasper gave in with the concession that they would never buy or cook more meat than they could consume. He couldn't stand to think that an animal had lost its life for their consumption, only to be wasted and thrown out in the trash.

Jazz never hunted again, but he came to the gun range from time to time when he was feeling particularly reverent or when he needed to blow off some steam. Therefore, when asked to help me find an alternate form of release, it was the first thing he thought of, hoping to bestow the same wisdom upon me that his father had shared with him as a kid.

Since it was early in the day, most people were at work or school, leaving Jazz and I alone in the booth. He placed his .22 revolver on the table and chills ran up and down my spine. My father drilled the danger and fear into my head well enough that even the unloaded gun made me uneasy.

Jazz was an excellent teacher; patient and thorough. He pointed out the numerous parts of the gun, getting me acquainted with the terminology so that he would have an easier time instructing me how to fire. I never realized how complicated the damn things were.

Jazz only laughed at my ignorance once when I asked why I couldn't pop the cylinder out sideways, shake out the shells and reload like I saw in old westerns. He carefully explained that I would need to forget any preconceived notions I might have gotten from tv and movies; firing a gun was nowhere near as cool or as glamorous as they made it appear.

As a basic safety precaution, he warned me to keep the barrel of the gun pointed toward the target at all times, whether it was loaded or not. Although I was excited to be there, I was _all about_ the safety precautions, so I had no trouble following that order.

He walked me through the steps: loading and unloading, the proper stance, how to hold and aim the gun before cocking the hammer and squeezing the trigger. At least the movies got that part right – you _squeeze_ the trigger, don't pull it. Once I was able to repeat all of the steps back to him, we slid on our headsets and goggles and he stepped back to watch.

I was prepared for the kick back, but I hadn't expected the sudden flash upon firing. Even though I had perfectly lined up the bull's-eye before shooting, the bullet tore through the paper target far off the mark. I was trembling in shock, yet anxious to try it again. I could definitely see target practice as a stress reliever in my future. We hung around for a couple of hours, taking turns with the revolver. Jasper continued to guide me through it, giving me little tips and tricks to help improve my aim. I never managed to hit the center target and I definitely had to work on my consistency, but I had successfully shot within the outer circle of the target more often than not. I was satisfied enough with my performance that I took the holey target home as a souvenir. I was elated when Jasper agreed to bring me back soon.

Ro's turn to broaden my horizons coincided with the monthly maintenance of her beloved BMW. Rosalie was a mechanical mastermind and nobody messed with her uptight maintenance schedule.

That is why Friday morning found me in the Hales' garage with Rosie and Em. She figured she would introduce me to the wonderful world of automotive wonders and Emmet insisted on being there to watch my initiation.

When Jazz and Alice wandered out with sandwiches and sodas around lunchtime, I was elbow deep in the engine holding some thingamabob while Rosie's long, shapely legs poked out from under the car. She slid out from underneath, still looking ready to walk the runway. Aside from one smudge on her right cheek bone, she was flawless – not a hair out of place. I couldn't understand how she did it. Personally, my hair was pinned up in a rat's nest and every surface of my body that was not covered with oil and grease was dripping with sweat. It really wasn't good for my ego.

With very limited help from Emmet we had rotated the tires, changed the oil, replaced the air filter, topped off the fluids, washed and detailed the M3 by three in the afternoon. Along the way, Rosie pointed out different parts of the engine, trying to educate me about the most common problems, how to prevent them and how to deal with them on the road. By the time she was done with me, I was exhausted and dirty.

I had always known about Ro's fascination with cars. When it came to a beautiful classic car or some fancy hot rod, she was right in it with the guys. I had never understood it, preferring to let Charlie, James, one of my guy friends or a certified mechanic take care of my truck for me. But having spent the day watching Rosie's capable hands flitting around the complex machine, confident in her knowledge while remaining incredibly female had been eye opening. It provided me with a new admiration for the blonde bombshell; and it was a feeling I could tell that Emmet shared as he watched her adoringly throughout the day.

I tried to embody Rosalie's confidence when I took the stage Friday night, attempting to exude confidence and femininity without having to rely on sexuality. It was empowering.

Saturday morning, Alice woke me up at four thirty a.m. I was having none of it.

"Leave me alone, you spawn of Satan!" I mumbled into my pillow.

She giggled and I was appalled by her cheeriness before sunrise. "Wake up, sweetie! We have to get going."

I had to give it to her, even though she was attempting to pry me from my bed, she was whispering and being generally sweeter about it than usual. I sat up grudgingly, threw my head back and smacked at the bed irritably. "Whaaaaaaat?" I whined. She giggled again, tugging meekly on my arm to pull me out of bed. Resigned to the fact that she wouldn't let me go back to sleep until I did her bidding, I followed her out of the bedroom, surprised to find the rest of the gang there – dressed and ready to go.

Seeing them all there unexpectedly woke me up a little more thoroughly. Rose sauntered out of the kitchen and handed me a thermos. "Some coffee and a hot shower should help. I'm on my third cup." She lifted a mug to her lips and drank in the steaming liquid.

"Where are we going?" I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"It's a surpise." Ali beamed. "Now, we're giving you ten minutes to shower and dress, and then I'm coming in after you whether you're ready or not."

"What should I wear?" I was too tired to show much enthusiasm.

"Everything you need is in the bathroom – I picked it out last night."

With that, I padded into the bathroom and snarled at my reflection. I yawned painfully wide, popping my jaw in the process. I didn't know what they had planned for me, but I hoped it was worth it. I sipped from the thermos, letting the warmth of the coffee spread from my chest out towards my limbs. It was refreshing.

I hopped in the shower, letting the hot water beat down on my muscles. It had been a much more physically active week than I was used to, and I was feeling the effects. I lost myself in the pounding from the shower head until I heard a knock on the door. "Alice says you have three minutes." Jasper called.

I could barely make out Al's voice in the background. "Don't make me come in there, Isabella!"

I turned off the water and patted dry quickly, not daring to tempt her. I shoved into the blue jeans she had set out for me, pulled on the lightweight white tee and shrugged into the red, long sleeve flannel shirt. Thick socks and an old pair of hiking boots that I had never worn completed the rugged outback ensemble.

Ali burst through the door just as I started plaiting my hair. "Judging by the outfit, I'm assuming we're doing something outdoorsy. I hope a French braid will suffice." She smiled and nodded, appearing grateful that I was now awake and on board with the hostage situation.

It was still dark when we started heading southwest along State Road 110. There wasn't much out this way except for the Quileute Reservation. However, since my friends seemed determined to surprise me, I kept my musings to myself.

The wind blew brusquely through the open top of the Jeep, whipping against my face, working to invigorate me. I deeply inhaled the musky scent of moss and trees as they breezed by. I noticed that the aroma became earthy long before the forests on either side of the highway began to thin out, and I knew that the salty ocean smell of First Beach was just up ahead.

It wasn't until we pulled up by the Black's little red house that Alice turned to me and yelled "Surprise!" throwing her arms wide. The sky overhead was just beginning to lighten with the impending dawn.

Having heard the Jeep idle to a stop, Jacob burst from the door, hopping over the porch railing in his excitement to get to me. "Where the hell have you been, loca?" The massive beast circled his huge arms around me and lifted me up and out of the car with a big bear hug.

"God, Jacob, _**what are they feeding you**_ on the rez, steroids? You're huge!" I gawked. "Hello biceps!" Aside from occasionally seeing them at one of our performances, I hadn't really visited with Jacob and my Quileute friends in over a year. To say I was shocked by his recent growth spurt would be an understatement.

"You know, if you came around more often, the difference wouldn't look that drastic." He mocked punching my arm with a sneaky little grin. "C'mon, we're late for the drum circle and everyone's anxious to see you." He laid his arm across my shoulder, hugging me to his side and pulling me along toward the beach. I glanced back at my friends with a thankful smile.

Sam's baritone voice hovered over the circle as he chanted. On either side of him, Embry and Jared beat a steady, staccato rhythm on small drums. Everyone smiled up at us as we approached the circle roughly formed of bleached trees. We took our seats among my childhood friends as quietly as possible, attempting not to disturb the peaceful mood they had created. Thankfully, the wind blew the smoke from the small fire in the opposite direction.

Charlie was best friends with Jacob's father, Billy. In fact, when my father wasn't working, the two were nearly inseparable. During my summers in Forks, I had spent most of my weekends racing up and down along the shore, running through the woods or swimming in the ocean with Jake. Before I met James, this place had been my second home and these beautiful, tanned faces my family.

There had been a short overlap in my lives – the old and the new – but it hadn't lasted for long. Whereas my father didn't care much for James one way or the other, Billy had made it quite clear that he thought James was bad news. Things grew a little awkward after that, but I had refused to give up on the idea that my two worlds could coexist. Then Jacob did the unthinkable.

During a party on the rez, he provoked James and the two swapped blows. In front of our family and friends, Jake told my boyfriend that he wasn't good enough for me, and that I belonged with him instead.

I hadn't had a clue that Jake felt that way and it was simply too much. Jake was two years younger than me and through the years I had come to think of him as my little brother. I would never be able to reciprocate my friend's romantic feelings. The answer had seemed obvious to me at the time; I'd have to leave them all behind if I didn't want to cause Jake any more pain.

In the time since, Jake had met a sweet girl named Renesmee, who everyone dubbed "Nessie" for short. Her resemblance to me did not go unnoticed, but no one ever talked about it. They were in love, they were happy and we had made amends a long time ago. The only reason for the distance between us now were the busy schedules that we both maintained – he had just started attending a local college while I attended to the band.

As the sun peeked slowly beyond the blue green water in the distance, Sam's chanting built in volume and intensity and the drum beat quickened. Some tapped their toes to the increasing rhythm. Others bobbed their heads in time. Emmet absentmindedly drummed a matching beat out along his thighs. I chose to sit still, absorbing the warmth and light of the rising sun, embraced by the warmth and light of the people who surrounded me.

_It felt like home._

Once we finished welcoming in the sunrise, Sam and Emily kindly invited everyone back to their place for breakfast.

"Did you make muffins?" Jared asked excitedly.

"Of course I made muffins." Emily replied, looking towards me with a smile and rolling her eyes.

There wasn't enough room inside their quaint home for all of us, so we snuck in one by one to fill our plates and then lounged around the porch to eat together.

Alice knew how close Jacob and I used to be, and knew how broken hearted I had been when it all went wrong. Having heard how much I longed to put the pieces of my life back together, she had decided to get in touch with Jacob to see if he'd be willing to help – thankfully sparing the part about my sexual frustration.

When Jake communicated his idea to the rest of my second family, they had all quickly gotten on board. Sitting there, surrounded by my old friends and my new, I couldn't help but wonder at how easy it was. Take James out of the equation and there was nothing complicated about it at all. I wish I could have figured that out back then.

When Rosie learned that Jacob was rebuilding an old VW Rabbit and messing around with a couple of old dirt bikes, the two became instant pals. Within moments, they were lost in discussion about engines and parts and other things that I still didn't understand.

Emily and Alice had attacked shy little Nessie, fussing over her like a shiny new toy. Nessie, as everyone called her, was incredibly smart and didn't put much emphasis on outward beauty. Emily mentioned how pretty Nessie would look with a little bit of eye make-up. That was all the instigation Alice needed to go to town. They were in heaven and Jacob's poor girlfriend was in hell. I should have saved her, but I was too busy being glad it wasn't me.

Emmet and Paul were busy comparing brute strength. What started off as an arm wrestling match turned into a best two-out-of-three. Paul accused Emmet of cheating when he lost the third match and the two started wrestling playfully, taking turns pinning each other to the pine needles that littered the ground.

Meanwhile, Quil pulled out a guitar, handed Jasper an extra, and the two lead the rest of us in a casual sing along. Our eclectic, lazy morning soundtrack included "Puff The Magic Dragon", "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", Miley Cyrrus' "Party in the USA" and Nirvana's "Smells Like Team Spirit", to name a few. It was relaxing and everyone appeared to be enjoying themselves.

I was delighted when my dad pulled up just before lunch, although I can't say why I was surprised. It was the weekend after all, and perfect weather for fishing. It had been a couple of months since I'd made a point to go visit with him and I suddenly felt sorry for the neglect.

Charlie and I had always had an easygoing relationship. We didn't talk much, and he wasn't one for emotional displays, but we had a deep seeded understanding of one another. He had been disappointed when I chose James over my Quileute friends, and his inability to understand and support my choice had created a slight rift between us.

When I broke it off with James, I felt guilty for not being able to see what my father and everyone else had seen all along. So I avoided visiting him, fearful of the "I told you so" look I might see in his eyes. In truth, I had to admit that he had never looked at me with anything less than fatherly concern and unconditional love.

With his arrival, I could feel some of the loose pieces within me snapping into place. I almost felt…_complete. _

Not entirely, just _almost. _I couldn't quite put my finger on what was still missing, but I could sense the void.

Upon my friends' prompting, my dad and I ate lunch together out on the boat. We floated out on the water under the ruse of fishing, but we really just chatted idly about nothing and everything, not truly caring if the fish were biting. Within an hour, we had successfully bridged the gap that my self-imposed exile had created.

When it was time for us to go home and clean up for the night's performance, I couldn't fathom how I had ever walked away from this life, but I swore that I would never do it again.

**A/N:** _Turns out the Volturi like lemons too. They've given me two chapters to turn in some lemons or they's gonna kill me! In the meantime, my Smut Dealer is still waiting for reviews, so gets to clicking on that pretty little button!_


	9. So Don't

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. As if that wasn't bad enough, I've also stolen the title of one of RPatts beautiful compositions, but I swear that I did come up with some of this stuff on my own._

Warning: _Lemons are as elusive to me as orgasms are to Bella. Still looking…_

Approx: _13 Pages/__ 4,612 Words_

**CHAPTER 9: SO DON'T**

I thought I saw Mr. Green Eyes in the audience Sunday night and it surprised me. I couldn't remember the last time I had thought about him. My friends had managed to keep me too preoccupied to focus on my newest obsession. Yet, now that I spotted him among the crowd, the yearning came back with a vengeance.

I lost sight of him quickly and did my best to focus on the performance. At the end of the set, I darted through the audience, searching for him frantically. I wondered how his friend was doing in the hospital.

_He hadn't come all week – that must be bad, right?_

_He's here now, so it can't be too bad._

I ran around the room, asking people if they had seen the tall guy with the bronze hair and green eyes. No one knew who I was talking about.

It had been nice to forget about him. I hadn't missed the ache. I hadn't missed the endless questions without answers. And yet, now that it was back, I regretted having let it slip away. I searched desperately, but Edward was nowhere to be found.

I set my alarm clock early Monday morning to surprise Ali. She bounced up and down and hugged me gleefully when she saw two yoga mats spread out on the living room floor. I watched her set-up and expressed my surprise that no beetles had been harmed in the making of our energy shakes. Knowing that there were no insects directly involved did make the shake taste a little better to me.

We spent the afternoon at a kickboxing class with Em.

_I knew there had to be more to his exercise regimen than video games!_

The trainer taught Ali and me some basic moves and then Emmet kindly let us practice our new moves on him. _We beat the crap out of the big guy!_ That was _highly_ enjoyable, though I think Em felt a little emasculated when we were done.

There was only one difference from last Monday.

Piercing green eyes were constantly in my thoughts, as if some part of my brain was clinging to him, willing my subconscious not to let me forget again. So the obsession was there, lurking in my thoughts, but it was tolerable. I was satisfied when I made it through the day without even letting the others know that he was on my mind.

Happy hour was busy, as was usual for Mondays, but by seven o'clock, business had died. I was beginning to think that New Moon would close down if it wasn't for our performances on the weekends. Aro really did have a good thing with us under his thumb.

Jessica had the night off, so I was working with Angela tonight. She wasn't crazy and boisterous like Jess, so there would be no dancing on the tables. Still, she was nice and her company made the evening relaxing and enjoyable.

Al came into the bar after her shift, waiting for me to get my things together so we could go. I pulled my purse from my locker, shoved in my apron and pad, waved bye to Ang and Mike and we exited into the parking lot. Just past the door, Ali and I stopped dead in our tracks.

There, leaning against a silver Volvo beneath a street light, was my green eyed dream come true. Edward was dressed in dark, tight blue jeans with a matching jacket over a casual, white, v-neck t-shirt. His hands were shoved down into his pockets. He was clean shaven and his hair looked slick, as if he had just showered.

In other words, he was a _wet _dream come true.

_He would have made James Dean jealous._

He looked surprised when he first saw us, and then muttered something under his breath as he shook his head. We closed the distance toward his car.

"Hey. What're you doing here? Everything alright?" I inquired, worry seeping into my voice, despite my efforts to the contrary.

"Um, yeah." I thought I heard him mumble _shit_ under his breath. "I just happened to be in the area, and I thought I might be able to give you a ride home?"

Before I could respond, Ali jumped up excitedly. "That's perfect! Bella, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel bad, but Jasper asked me if I could meet him at a nearby restaurant for a date night. I told him no because I knew you would be waiting for a ride home, but I might still be able to catch him! Would you mind riding with Edward, Bella? _Please?" _

I knew there was no way Jasper would ask Alice to meet him somewhere on a study Monday, much less on a night when she and I always rode home together. Instead, this was her way of giving me a chance to accept Edward's offer without making it awkward

Translation? _My best friend was a saint._

"Um, sure, if you really don't mind, Edward?" I stammered.

He sighed in relief. "Of course not. It would be my pleasure."

"Oh, yay! Thank you!" Al kissed both of us on the cheek. "Let me call Jasper and see if I can catch him. I'll see you when I get home, Bella. Drive safe, you two!" She had the cell phone out and to her ear as she jumped into the Porsche.

My best friend could win a fucking Academy Award. She was _that_ good.

Edward walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for me. He waited for me to slide in and put my seat belt on before closing the door gently. That was something I wasn't used to.

He ran his fingers through his hair and walked around the front of the car to the driver's door. Once he was seated with the door closed, it was weird. Despite the heated moments we'd shared so far; sitting next to each other in the private, dark, tight confines of a his car just seemed more intimate.

He clicked his seatbelt, turned the ignition and the car started with a quiet purr.

He gave me a timid grin. "Where to?"

"Head west on 101." I idly wondered if we'd see Alice on the road. That would totally ruin her cover story, though I had no doubt she'd find a way to lie herself out of it.

"You live in Forks?"

I nodded, suddenly realizing that Edward had just committed to over an hour long ride. "Oh, I'm sorry! Is that okay? You probably assumed you were dropping me somewhere in town, huh?" I suddenly felt terrible for accepting his offer.

"No, it's okay. I know from the first time I saw you perform that your band was based there. I knew it was still a possibility." He snapped his mouth shut, as if he had said something wrong.

We rode along quietly for a few minutes. I turned my head out the window and inhaled deeply through my nose. Within the enclosed space, Edward's scent was concentrated and twice as potent. Women were sure to drop their panties in the blink of an eye for any man that smelled this good.

_Hell, take me for example!_

"Penny for your thoughts?" He glanced at me before training his eyes back on the dark road.

"I'm debating whether or not I should ask you something."

He smiled crookedly. "You mean, whether to ask me something in general, or is there something specific you had in mind?"

"Something specific." I starting gnawing on my lip.

"Why do you think you _should _ask me?" He prompted.

"Well, because it seems like the socially acceptable thing to do, and because I'm honestly concerned." He puckered his mouth, mulling over that thought.

"I didn't peg you for the kind of person who was worried about the socially acceptable thing to do?"

"Well, I'm not usually. That's what makes the decision difficult for me." I admitted.

"Okay, so what are the cons you're weighing?"

"Well, I'm afraid it might upset you. Like, maybe I'll seem insensitive for asking if the timing is bad, or if you're a private person, you might feel like I'm prying."

"Hm. Wow. Sounds like you're weighing highly in favor of not asking." He mused.

"Um, yeah. I guess it does." _Though I hadn't realized that until you made me say it out loud._

"What if…" he let the statement trail off.

"What if what?"

"What if I promised not to get upset? What if I told you that it would be impossible for me to think of you as insensitive and prying?"

"Would you mean it?" I pressed.

"Okay, maybe not impossible…but improbable. Highly unlikely." He corrected.

"Then I'd probably be in favor of asking, because I really have been worried."

"So, what's the question?" he prodded.

"I was wondering how your friend is doing. The one in the hospital." My voice was strained.

His breath caught in his throat and he cast his eyes downward momentarily. "She's out of the woods. _For now._"

_Okay, so we were talking about a female._

"Do you think she'll be getting out of the hospital soon?"

He shook his head gravely. _Whatever she's in for, it's serious._

After a second, I whispered. "What's her name?"

His answer was monosyllabic. "Bree."

I wanted to know who she was, what was wrong with her and who she was to him, but I could feel this line of questioning pushing him farther away from me. It hurt to have him so physically close and yet feel him pulling so emotionally far away.

I decided to change the subject. "Can I ask you another question?"

He remained somber, but nodded silently.

"How did you know I'd be at New Moon tonight?"

He snorted and shook his head. "Caught on to my little slip there, huh? Boy you're observant." I chuckled in response. "I might have asked the bartender at last night's performance when you would be back."

"So I'm not crazy; you _were_ there!" I jumped triumphantly in my seat.

He laughed a little more freely at my antics. "Yeah, I was there. But I couldn't stay. I was hoping I might catch you during a break, but he told me I had just missed it. Then he told me that you waitress there the other three nights of the week."

"And what made you think I would need a ride home?" I pressed.

"Well, the other nights I saw you, Felix always drove you home. I assumed you didn't have a vehicle and I was hoping I might catch you to offer you a ride home before someone else did. It's all pretty lame, actually."

"Stalker." I joked.

I folded my arms across my chest in mock offense. "I'll have you know that I have a fuck-awesome Chevy pickup."

"My mistake." He smirked. "So, why do you always ride with someone else?"

"To save the planet, of course!"

"Oh, so you plan on single-handedly saving the world one car pool at a time?"

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business." Hearing Edward laugh set my soul soaring. It was so warm and carefree. When he laughed, there was no sign of the broken man. It healed my aching heart.

I noticed that the radio was off and a cd was jutting out from the player. I pushed it in, curious about what he had been listening to.

Soon, the sound of a classical piano filled the car. The cd had a home made sound to it; that subtle hint of background noise that personal microphones always picked up.

"It's Debussy." He said, blankly staring ahead at the mesmerizing dashed lines of the winding road.

"Um-hm. Clare de Lune. It's one of my favorites." I leaned my head back against the head rest and stared, unashamed, at Edward's profile, memorizing the way the moonlight accented the smooth contours of his face. There was the way that the moonlight glinted off of his amazing eyes and the way it highlighted the straight angle of his nose. It danced upon his bottom lip, making it look so temptingly kissable, even as he concentrated on the task of driving in the dark. There were the shadows beneath his strong, smooth jaw.

I remembered what it felt like to lick along those shadows, and wondered what it would feel like now without the prickly stubble. My stomach clenched at the errant thought.

As the notes of Clare de Lune subsided, the sound of applause broke out. _Oh, so it was a live recording of a performance._

"Who's playing?"

"Hmm?" Apparently Edward had been caught up in his own thoughts just as I had been caught up in mine.

I clarified. "The cd. It's a live concert. Who's the person playing?"

"Oh. It's me."

_Dear God in heaven! My walking, talking sex dream played the piano like a savant! It was like the angels smiled down on me and said "You remember that whole James fiasco? Yeah, we're sorry about that. Please take this incredible man as a token of our apologies. And, we're sorry for the inconvenience."_

"You play the piano?" _Duh, retard, that's what he just said, isn't it?_

"Played. I was in high school during this performance. I haven't played much for the past couple of years. Just, haven't really had the time." His tone was tinged with sorrow and I learned from experience that this topic of conversation was no-man's land. Best saved for another time.

The delicate, tinkling notes playing were breathtaking. It reminded me of how I had felt the last time Edward had come to watch us play – simultaneously uplifting and heartbreaking. "What is this song called?"

The corners of his lips puckered as he swallowed. "Midnight Thoughts."

"It's absolutely amazing. I can't believe I never heard it before." I pondered.

"That was the only time it was ever played for an audience."

My eyebrows pulled together in confusion and I waited silently for him to clarify.

"You've never heard it because that's the only time it's ever been played. I wrote it. It's my song."

_Okay angels, that's enough. You got me. Where are the hidden cameras? I know they're around here somewhere, because this guy is too damn good to be true and I'm not falling for it anymore._

I was disrupted from my reverie when Edward growled "Oh shit. No, no, no!"

"What's the matter?"

"Something's wrong with the car."

He pulled onto the shoulder. In the dim lunar glow, I could barely make out the smoke rising from the hood.

I climbed out as Edward went around to the trunk to retrieve a flashlight. I met him by the front of the car as he unlatched and lifted the hood.

He shone the light down into the engine and I leaned close, peering over his shoulder.

"There's a crack in the water hose." We both said at the same time.

He looked impressed. "You know about cars?"

I laughed. "My friend recently taught me a thing or two."

He leaned back against the grill, pulled a small silver phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Great, I have no signal out here. How about you?"

I walked along the steep shoulder back to the passenger seat and fished around inside my purse for my phone. "Nope, I have no service either. So, what do we do now?"

"Why don't you stay in the car and listen to the radio and I'll try to walk into town."

"Are you kidding me, Edward? It will take you forever, it's dangerous and you are not leaving me out here, in the dark, by myself."

"Well, what do you suggest?" He sounded a little aggravated, with a slight edge of amused sarcasm.

"We wait till Alice comes back looking for us."

"What? You want us to wait until she finishes her date? What if they decide to go somewhere else afterwards? We could be here for hours." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"That's not going to be a problem." I muttered.

"What?" I wasn't sure if he hadn't heard me, or if he just wanted me to elaborate.

"That's not going to be a problem." I repeated louder. "She's not with Jasper. She went straight home." I felt like a kid confessing that I just stole a cookie from the cookie jar before dinner.

"I know that." He chuckled quietly before turning his smoldering green eyes on me. "She turned the wrong way out of the parking lot. I assume she was just trying to save me some embarrassment, but I was just curious if you'd be as honest with me as I was with you."

I wanted to be pissed that I'd just been played for the fool, but I was too busy trying not to pass out under the heat of his gaze.

He continued. "Even still, what makes you think that she'll come looking for us? How do you know she's not already tucked under the covers, sound asleep?"

"You don't know Alice." Now it was my turn to laugh. That nymph would be up until I was home, dishing all the details about my long drive home with my sex God. "She knows how long it takes to get home from Port Angeles. When I don't get home soon and she can't reach me by phone, she'll gather a search party."

He shifted his weight off of the grill and swaggered around the car towards where I was standing by the passenger side door. "You don't think she'll assume I'm just another of your one night stands?"

I flushed with embarrassment and flattened against the side of the car as he approached me. "N-n-n-no." I stammered breathlessly.

"And why is that?" He was stalking closer towards me.

My heart started hammering as I recognized the lust in his eyes. "Because I don't do that anymore."

"So, what would make her think that I haven't talked you into shacking up with me somewhere for the night? That would still be a possibility, wouldn't it?" His voice was lower now, husky.

"Um…no?" My voice was small again, just like the time I had first attempted to speak to him.

"Why not?" His hand reached up to stroke my bare arm.

It was becoming hard for me to swallow. "Because she knows I don't want that."

He leaned in, his nose gliding along my jaw. "Really, Bella?" The leather was back in his voice and it made my girly parts squirm. I steeled my resolve. I needed to end this, now. Time for my power move.

"Really."

_Wow, slow down there, tiger, before you scare him away._

That one word was the strongest response I could muster, and even that came out sounding desperate and wanting. He took a step back, locked his eyes on mine and slowly slipped off his denim jacket.

_Motherfucker, he's going to screw me on the hood of this car and, I'm gonna let him!_

Instead, his voice evened out as he said "You're arms are cold". He stepped up to me and lifted his jacket around me and over my shoulders. "Why don't you put this on and we'll wait in the car for Alice to come rescue us."

He took my hand and led me into the passenger seat before once again shutting the door like a gentlemen. _I could really get used to this!_

He lowered the hood before climbing back in behind the steering wheel and shutting his door.

I slid my arms into the sleeves, pulling the warm jacket tightly around me. He turned the key one click in the ignition to power the cd player, and then the sound of his lullaby one again filtered quietly throughout the car.

I turned sideways in my seat to face him as he reclined his seat all the way back, his lightweight shirt sticking religiously to his chiseled chest and abs.

_That is really not helping my fucking resolve not to attack this man right here and now!_

We listened quietly to the rise and fall of the notes. Then, I realized that something was weighing on his mind.

"What're you thinking about?"

"I'm debating on whether or not to ask you something."

"You mean, whether to ask me something in general, or is there something specific you had in mind." I relayed his words back to him.

"Something specific."

"What pros and cons are we working with?"

He thought about it. "Well, I'm really, insanely curious, and I have this desperate need to get to know you better."

"But?" I prompted.

"But, I'm afraid it may be too personal, or that I may offend you by asking."

"Hmm." I pondered. "It sounds like you're weighing heavily in favor of asking me."

He smirked. "I guess I am."

"What if I promise not to be offended?" I offered.

"Do you mean it?" He countered.

"Sure, I think I could pull that off." My stomach flipped nervously.

"What about it being too personal?" He pushed.

"Well, I can't make any promises about that until you ask, but I suppose it would only be fair given that you answered my personal question." I wasn't ready to make promises I couldn't keep.

"What I asked you about outside…I was just wondering why you did it."

Well that was quiet illusive. "I don't understand."

He huffed, obviously hoping that his cryptic question would explain enough to prevent him from saying what he didn't want to say.

I waited quietly.

"The one night stands." He mumbled quietly.

_Oooooooooooh._

_Well, here ya go! Here's the chance you wanted to be able to explain yourself and your whoring ways, so get to it!_

I couldn't think of how to begin.

_What's the problem, Bella! What's the frigging hold up?_

My mouth was suddenly parched.

_You're fine and dandy telling Mr. Perfect here that you want to fuck his lights out, but you can't bring yourself to explain that you've never had an orgasm? You freak._

"I guess…" I chose my words carefully. "I guess I was just looking for something I had yet to find."

_There! That was honest without being too embarrassing!_

"Did you find it?" _Why did he sound hopeful?_

"No." I couldn't keep my voice from sounding sad and defeated.

"What was it you were looking for?"

I coughed in surprise.

_How are you going to slip your way through this minefield, genius? Tell him to mind his own business? That should go over well._

I thought about Rose, and her confidence. She never beat around the bush. She never hid behind a façade. And she was never, _ever_ afraid to ask for what she wanted.

_I want to be more like Rose._

So I decided to be honest with him.

"Release." The word was barely more than a whisper lost in the wind, but with his sudden exhalation, I had no doubt that he heard and understood it.

I drew my legs up to my chest, pulled the jacket around my knees and huddled against the door frame to keep warm. Edward remained reclined, his arms comfortably crossed over his chest.

We said nothing. I was partially worried by his silence and partially grateful that he wasn't pushing for further explanation.

We listened to the piano recital in silence until the lights along the dashboard flickered and died.

_Well, there went the battery._

Edward didn't seem to notice. His breathing grew shallow as his face smoothed in relaxed peace.

_So that's what angels look like when they're sleeping._

A chill rocked me to the bone and I hissed involuntarily.

One of his eyes shot open and he glanced over at my shivering form. He sat up, easing his seat back into the upright position, and slid soundlessly out the driver's door. I watched as he edged around to the back of the car and rustled around in the trunk before maneuvering over to the passenger side of the car a minute later. He opened my door and the cold night breeze swept into the car. "Get out."

I stood up without objection, and he shut the door behind me. He pulled me towards the rear of the vehicle and opened the door to the rear passenger seat.

"Get in." I climbed in and looked back at him suspiciously.

"Scoot over." _Okay, I don't know what game we're playing, but I'm intrigued._

He sat down next to me and closed the door behind him. He pulled some sort of sheet out from under his arm and opened it up, spreading it out over us. It was a stiff canvas, but it sufficed in trapping our body heat effectively.

"Sorry, it's just a work cloth. I would have grabbed it sooner, but I didn't realize it would get this cold. Are you alright?"

I nodded as my teeth chattered subtly.

He pulled me backwards so that I was lying against his chest, my head resting on his shoulder just below his chin. He reclined slightly, shifting us so that our feet were spread across the seat, his back wedged between the door and the backrest. He wrapped his strong arms around me, holding me close, and I could feel his warmth radiating through the thick denim jacket.

"How can you possibly be so warm in a thin tee while I'm freezing in your jacket?" My voice was still trembling with cold.

"It's all mind over matter, Bella. You just have to imagine you're somewhere else."

"Is that what you were doing when you had your eyes closed up front?" My body trembled with another deep rooted chill.

"Yes."

"And where did you go?"

I could hear the smile in his voice as he nuzzled his cheek against my hair. "Right back here, with you in my arms."

He was right. Suddenly, I wasn't cold anymore.

It was sometime after two in the morning when Alice and Jasper finally came looking for us, finding Edward and I both sound asleep in the back of his broken down Volvo. They woke us with a tap on the glass.

After explaining the situation to Ali and Em, we climbed into the back of the Porsche. Edward declined the ride home, asking if Al would mind dropping him off at the hospital instead.

Edward guided Ali around to the Emergency Room in the back of the building. He knew the people there by now, so they would let him into the building even though it was after visiting hours.

I climbed out of the car with him, walking him up to the double glass doors.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" I stifled a yawn.

He caressed my cheek sweetly. "No, you need to go home and get some sleep. But thanks for asking."

"I feel bad. Isn't there anything I can do?"

The corner of his luscious mouth pulled up slightly into a sad grin. "You already did it, just by being you."

I reached up on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck. He bent down, his arms circling my waist as we embraced tightly.

"Will I see you again?" I mumbled, pressing my face into his chest, drawing in one last deep breath of his impeccable scent.

"Soon." He nestled his face into my hair. "Don't you get it? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stay away from you."

I pulled back, taking his face in my hands and looking into his eyes. "So don't."

**A/N:** _*Gulp* If I don't find some lemons and reviews by the next chapter, I'm a gonner! Can you please find it in your heart to click that little review button for me, before it's too late?_


	10. Who Is She

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I'm the psychopath that came up with the rest of this stuff._

Warning: _There be lemons here! Finally!_

Approx: _11 Pages/__ 4,395 Words_

**CHAPTER 10: WHO IS SHE**

I was just settling in to bed when my phone chirped with a text message. I reluctantly kicked off the covers and twisted around in bed to snatch my cell off the nightstand. To my surprise, I received a text message from Edward.

_I didn't even know I had his number!_

All he wrote was "Just checking to see if you got home safely", and yet it set my heart thundering in my chest.

I blinked repeatedly, trying to clear the sleepy fog from my eyes so that I could text back. "Thanks, I'm safe in bed."

I sat cross legged on my bed, watching the screen intently, holding the phone up in my hands in front of my face like an offering to some higher power.

I smiled giddily when my cell chimed a second later.

"Saved my # on your cell when you fell asleep in the car. Do you mind?"

My fingers blazed across the tiny keys. "Definitely not. S'good to hear from you."

"Did I wake you up?"

I giggled. "No. Just in bed. You?"

"Can't sleep. Thinkin bout you."

My heart raced and I felt dizzy. "What about me?"

"About what you said tonight."

_Uh-oh. _The next text came immediately.

"I wanted to ask you something."

_Red alert! Red alert! Abort ship!_

He didn't say anything for a minute. My shaky fingers grazed over the keys. "Weighing the pros & cons?"

"I'm curious, but don't want to pry."

I wasn't sure what to say. My stomach was twisting, squeezing down tightly on the ever present knot. Though I was scared, I wasn't ready to end the conversation. "Go for it."

It took a minute for his next text to arrive. "Have you ever found it?"

A second later, another text.

A one word clarification. "Release?"

My stomach flipped and tore open within me, bile and knots and butterflies running rampant throughout my system.

Still, there was another chirp.

Another clarification. "Not even alone?"

I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. I just stared blankly at the words on the screen.

I turned different answers over in my head, debating on how much I wanted to reveal. Maybe this was too personal. Yet, somehow, I knew if the situation were reversed, that Edward would tell me. He had said he wanted to know more about me. So he was pulling on the frayed ends of my cloak, trying to unravel my secrets one thread at a time.

Another text.

It had been three minutes since his last, and he had taken my silence as proof that I was offended. "Sorry. Forget it."

I gripped my phone tightly, trying to still the trembling, and answered in two single words. "No. Never."

The bile and knots and butterflies oozed out into my extremities, spreading their warmth and acidity. Still, I pushed on, trying to relieve his worried mind. "S'okay."

There was silence on his end. Sleep no longer eluded me; I felt exhausted. And vulnerably naked. I felt the overwhelming urge to cocoon myself in my blankets, covering every inch of my body protectively. "Get some sleep. I'll talk to you soon."

He responded with a simple "G'nite."

I pulled the thick blanket around me and curled in on my side, hugging my knees to my chest. I drifted off almost immediately - green eyes on the back of my eye lids, peering down into my soul.

Tuesday put me back in Felix's custody. For his next Project Discovery assignment, he decided to spoil me with childlike abandon. We spent the day at a traveling fair that was currently operating out of Port Angeles. I kicked his ass at bumper cars, but he beat me at our race down the giant slide. We played every game on the midway at least once. If I beat Felix at a certain game, he would insist that we play that one over and over again until he could finally declare victory.

We ate grilled corn, cotton candy, fried dough, shish-kabobs, popcorn; we consumed every carnival delicacy aside from ice cream. Felix rubbed his right arm, saying that he learned his lesson about letting me eat frozen dairy products. I didn't mention that Ali would be even more upset about the rest of the day's menu items. We could keep that our little secret.

We arrived at New Moon a little early to freshen up for our shift. I emptied my pockets in the process of changing my clothes and was surprised to see that I had missed five text messages amidst the noise of the fair.

They were all from Edward.

The first message came in around ten a.m. "G'morn. Sleep well?"

I didn't get the next text till after noon. "What're you doin?"

The next was at one thirty. "Are you mad at me?"

At two thirty, he texted "Please talk to me."

"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to upset you." It had been an hour and a half since his this last text came in about three o'clock.

I quickly dialed his number. I sat on the make-up chair in the dressing room, half dressed but anxious to ease his worried mind.

He answered the phone on the first ring. "Bella! I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have asked. It was none of my business-"

I interrupted his rambling. "Edward, it's okay. I'm not mad. I went out to a carnival with Felix and didn't realize that I couldn't hear my phone ring until right now, when I saw you're messages."

He let out a ragged breath. "God, you don't know how good it is to hear your voice. It's been rough here today and, on top of that, I've been berating myself for screwing up last night." I sensed the return of the broken man.

"I'm sorry. Really, it's okay. You said you wanted to know me and, well, I guess that's all part of it. What's going on? Is Bree okay?"

There was a despairing sigh on the other end of the line. "She went into kidney failure this morning. They have her on dialysis now."

"I'm so sorry Edward. Is there anything I can do?"

"Well, can I see you tonight? After your shift? Bree's parents will be here, so they'll keep me updated if anything happens. I just really need to get out of here for a little while. I sent a tow truck for my car this morning. It's in the shop now, so I'll have it back in time to give you a ride home from work, if you want."

"Yeah, that's fine." Actually, it was more than fine. My body tingled, craving his nearness.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Great. Thanks." I heard shuffling and muffled voices in the background. "Bella, the doctor just came in to talk to me. Have a good night at work, and I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay. I hope its good news."

"Me too." He mumbled, but there really was no hope in his voice.

Knowing that Edward would be coming soon made my shift drag on painfully. Even Jess'crazy antics and another round of table dancing didn't help my anxiety. I stared at the clock over the bar, willing the hands to speed up and bring the green eyed man back to me.

We started cleaning up early, everyone ready to run for their cars at closing time. I assured Mike and Jess that I would lock up. When it was just Felix and I, we sat at the bar sipping scotch. I thanked him again for an awesome day. He joked that he knew it was worth throwing the games if it would make me happy. I swatted at his chest playfully.

I had already told him what was going on with Edward and explained that he planned to give me a ride home, but Felix insisted on sticking around with me at the bar until he actually arrived. A few minutes after closing, Edward texted me to say that he was on his way and that he was sorry for running late.

I finished my scotch, wandered into the back to gather my things so that I'd be ready to leave when Edward got there. I pulled my purse from my locker before heading over to the dressing room to pick up my discarded clothes from earlier in the day.

I was surprised by a gentle rapping on the open door. Edward leaned casually against the frame, a suede jacket hanging limply over his arm. A beige button up flowed over pressed khakis. His hair was slightly rumpled and it was apparent that he hadn't shaved.

"Felix let me in. He said to tell you good night." He looked exhausted, but there was still a sparkle in his eye.

_And there it was._ The awkwardness.

I wanted to hug and comfort him. I wanted to tear his clothes off and lick his body. I wanted to talk to him and try to solve some of his mysteries.

I settled for the least problematic of the three, walking over to wrap my arms around his waist. He embraced me and squeezed, resting his cheek against my hair.

He pulled back, his fingers grazing along my jaw, nudging my chin for me to look up at him. "Do you trust me, Bella?" His voice was low and husky, rubbing raw over my skin.

The question made me wary. "Why should I? I hardly know you."

He brought his face close, his nose languidly circling mine, bringing his lips irresistibly near. "That's true, but it hardly answers my question."

He shifted his weight, slowly edging me backward into the dressing room. I closed my eyes, answering honestly and relinquishing all control to him. "Yes."

The edge of the sofa hit the back of my knees and Edward lowered us down smoothly. His hands caressed from my shoulders, his fingers grazing along my collar bone and up along my throat until he was cupping my face sweetly. His eyes deepened to a forest green, burning intensely into mine. I could feel my heart banging around in my rib cage, struggling to break free.

"I want to try something." He lowered his head to suck along my jaw, still holding my face between his hands like a cherished treasure.

I placed my palms on his chest, soaking in his heat as I massaged the skin there. "Hmm?" I was beginning to breathe more rapidly under his attention.

He lowered one hand to my neck, my pulse racing beneath his palm. He kissed his way up to my ear. "I want to do something for you, Bella. I want to help you find release. Will you let me try?"

My body was a chorus, tuned and ready to sing for him. The ache in my stomach exploded, setting my skin on fire. The knot tightened and laced up around my diaphragm, squeezing, making it difficult to breath. My groin quivered, instantly growing slick with desire. My nipples elongated, reaching out for him. My hands wandered up to caress his throat and neck, feeling the muscles tensing just beneath the smooth flesh.

And still, his leather voice pressed on, tendrils seeping into my brain and wrapping around my consciousness. "I don't want anything in return Bella. I just want to make you feel good." He massaged my earlobe with his tongue as he sucked it in between his heavenly lips. "I _need_ to make you feel good." The gravel was back in his voice, signaling the return of his deepest craving.

"Yes." I hissed. I thrust my hands into the hair at the back of his neck, lolling my head back to expose more of my throat to him. He gripped the hem of my plain black tee shirt and slowly eased it up over my head. He stroked his fingers from my temple downward, easing my hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. I urged him to look into my eyes as I reached behind to unclasp my bra. I held the front of it with one hand, easing the straps off of my shoulders before slowly lowering the cups to reveal myself. Only when my chest was completely bare did his eyes venture downward, breathing in deeply at the sight of my flushed, round breasts.

He looked back towards my face quickly, his eyes burning with urgent need. He lunged forward as if to kiss me, diverting his attention back to my neck and throat at the last moment. My hands tangled into his wild bronze hair, pulling him to me greedily. He pressed in on me, pushing me backward so that I was lying down. His hands eased around my naked waist, over my hips to the front of my jeans. With obvious effort, he stilled himself momentarily. When he moved again, his fingers slowly and deliberately unbuttoned my jeans. He pressed the zipper in as he pulled it down, applying the slightest bit of pressure to my quaking stomach.

He moved to the far end of the couch and pulled my feet into his lap. He slipped off one sneaker and then the other, a smile flirting along his swollen lips. He pulled one sock off, taking a moment to massage my foot before repeating the actions with the other.

With my feet undressed, he slunk towards me so that his face now hovered over my naked abdomen, his breath fogging over my flesh deliriously. He lowered his head, his lips mere inches away from my body, and looked up at me. As our eyes met, he wrapped his fingers into the waist band of my pants, erotically sliding my jeans and thong over my hips, down my thighs and off of my slender calves.

My breasts heaved with my rapid breathing as I lie stark naked under appreciative green eyes. His lips parted as his gaze roamed over my body. My skin prickled under his stare, as if it were a physical touch along my hypersensitive flesh. "My God, you're beautiful." His tone was reverential.

This was so incredibly new to me. James had never done this. He had never undressed me carefully, as if I were a fragile and priceless treasure. I had never lain naked before him as he stared adoringly at my fully exposed body.

In the past couple of months, I had humped and screwed and fucked every which way. But none of those men looked at me the way Edward looked at me now. I had seen lust, passion and hunger, but the look in Edward's eyes was entirely different. He sincerely appeared awe-struck, like I was indeed the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

He settled into the corner of the couch, pulling my legs into his lap and massaging my feet while his eyes concentrated on my face. "I want you to touch yourself for me, Bella." The butterflies raged an all out war. "Show me how you want to be touched."

I was scared. Masturbating had never ended well for me. It had only served to bring me to the brink and then leave me terribly frustrated and unsatisfied. I didn't want to do this in front of him.

I suddenly felt very small and insecure.

"I don't want to." I pouted, fighting back tears. "I…I…_I don't know how_." It was barely a whisper.

He drew in a deep, calming breath, and the emotions in his eyes shifted slightly. "Run your fingers through your hair, Bella. Feel how soft and silky it is. Feel how it thickly wraps around your fingers, drawing you in." I did as he asked, surprised by how nice it felt. I had never thought much about my hair before, but in his words, I could truly appreciate it.

"Now, move your hands to your throat. Feel the warmth pulsing beneath the skin. Feel your life flowing through your body. Do you know how important that is? That feeling right there? The steady beating of your heart? Your precious, Bella. Your life is precious."

His voice sounded too far away. I wanted these words whispered in my ear as his body pressed down against mine. "Touch me, Edward. Please. I want to feel you."

His face contorted with some inner struggle. "Let your hands be my hands, Bella. Feel me through your touch."

"It's not enough." I whimpered.

"It has to be." His quiet tone was strained and determined.

"I want to run my fingers along your collar bone. I want to feel the way your skin flows smoothly over it, like satin stretched over glass. I want to trail my heated touch over your breasts. Feel their gentle weight in my palms. I'd squeeze them and knead them. I'd pinch your nipple between my fingers, pulling slightly as it swelled beneath my touch. Would you like that?"

"Yes." I moaned. My hands followed his instructions, bringing the fantasy to life.

"I'd dip my fingers into your sweet mouth, Bella, letting you suck me in. Then, when they were wet with your taste, I'd rub them against your taut nipples and blow softly across them, making them stiffen even more intensely in the cool air." I did as he said and, even without the feel of his breath, they reacted.

I arched my back and squeezed my thighs together. Edward groaned deep in his throat.

"I'd tickle lazy circles along your tight stomach, marveling in the softness of your flesh. I'd trace the sensual smoothness of your curves, around your waist, over your generous hips, my fingertips grazing over your strong thighs." I had my eyes closed now, imagining the words coming true - that the hands running over my skin belonged to the gorgeous man who was just beyond my reach.

"I would trail my touch up along your thigh, sliding my fingers between them, feeling the warm embrace of your skin. Can you feel me, Bella? Can you feel the strength and desire of my touch?"

"Yes Edward." I crooned. "You feel incredible. Please, don't stop."

"I'd slide my hand up between your thighs, Bella, until my fingers swept across your beautiful pussy."

I moaned, thrusting my hips forward to meet my own hand. The word "pussy" on Edward's sensuous tongue could be lethal, seriously causing a woman to implode with desire.

"Oh God, Edward." My voice was desperate.

"I'd slide my hand over your pussy, palming gently against your clit. How does it feel, Bella? Are you wet for me?"

"_Soooooo wet, Edward! I want you so bad…"_

"_I know Bella. God, I want you too."_ I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to ruin the illusion, but his voice was tense as if coming through clenched teeth.

"I want to slide my fingers along your wet slit, feeling your heat engulf me. I want to feel your muscles contracting eagerly beneath my touch. I'd push tight little circles over your clit, slowly dipping my fingers into your moist warmth."

"Yes Edward! Yes!" My hips began a steady, pulsing rhythm against my hand as I pictured Edward's masculine, slender fingers stroking in and out of me.

"God Bella! You're so hot! I want you so badly!" His breathing was ragged, his voice coarse. "I want to feel your tightness clenching down on me as you scream my name. I want to feel your body pulling me in, stroking me as I push into you. It's driving me crazy Bella!"

The knot pulled tighter than I had ever felt it before. Electrical currents pulsed through my limbs uncomfortably and my body trembled as every muscle began to tense and flex. I was losing control of myself, feeling my body quiver and shake under some foreign direction. "Oooooooh! Edward! It's too much! I can't take it anymore. I have to stop. I can't take it."

"No Bella, don't stop. Ride it out. It will feel so good honey. Just a little more. I want you to cum for me, baby. I want to watch you cum."

My fingers continued to rub against my pussy frantically, but the uncomfortable pressure had built to the point where it was unbearable. My eyes shot open and I found Edward watching me intently, his jaw tense and eyes wide. "I can't Edward! I can't do it! I need you!"

I could feel the desperate, frantic pleading in my eyes.

He deliberated for a second, growled like a feral beast and then swept me up into his arms, bridal style. He crossed the room and set me down on my feet so that I was facing our dressing mirror. He stood behind me, his eyes fierce. His arms wound around my waist. "Look at you, Bella. You're absolutely glorious."

It was incredibly erotic watching our reflection as he dipped his lips to my neck and began kissing and sucking. "You are a Goddess, Bella. A sexual, sentient being." His left hand moved down my abdomen, pressing against my mound, pulling me back towards him so that I could feel his bulging erection against my lower back. "Can't you feel how much I worship you?"

I moaned with delight, wrapping my arms behind me to grip his hips as best as I could, rubbing myself against his engorged cock greedily.

His right hand crossed my chest, palming my breast as the fingers of his other hand pushed in between my folds, stroking my slick walls and flicking against my twitching clit. I bucked against him, writhing with the impossible need to be closer to the hands in front of me and closer to the body behind me, all at the same time.

"Open your eyes, Bella. I want you to see how beautiful you are. I want you to see how incredible it is, the way your body dances against mine. Can't you feel it? Can you feel the power you have over me?"

The knotting, the tensing, the trembling grew out of control, rendering me incapable of speech.

"I'm bowing down at your altar, Bella. Take it. Give in. It will be wonderful, I promise. Let me take you there. I'll carry you. We'll fly together. And when you start to fall, I'll catch you. I'll be right here. Just let go. _Trust me._"

_And I did._

My entire body spasmed as I moaned and cried out his name. The knot didn't unravel like I thought it would; instead, it ignited and burst into a million sparks that showered down within my body. Fireworks exploded behind my clenched eye lids, a private celebration of the euphoria this amazing man was bestowing upon me. I soared, as he said I would. I touched heaven and floated momentarily before slowly drifting back to earth, back into his arms.

My body felt heavy and limp. Edward picked up his jacket and swathed me in it, the satin lining clinging to my damp skin. He carried me back to the sofa and laid me gingerly on top of him so that my cheek rested on his chest, just above his heart.

My body went numb while my brain and heart attempted to expand in order to fully grasp all the complex sensations and emotions that had suddenly been thrown at me.

Edward cradled me in his arms, nuzzling his nose in my hair, inhaling my scent. My fingers wandered aimlessly over his chest. "Edward?"

"Hmmmm?"

"What's your last name?"

I could feel his cheeks pull up into a smile. "Cullen."

And so it was that Mr. Orgasmo finally had a name.

I listened to the steady beat of his heart, trying to slow my own to beat in time.

"That was incredible. Thank you."

He chuckled darkly. "The pleasure was all mine, I assure you."

I grinned, nuzzling up into his throat. "Oh, I find that highly unlikely."

He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his phone.

As he flipped it open, I asked "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, just wanted to make sure I hadn't missed any texts." He closed his phone and palmed it, resting his hand over mine on his chest.

I suddenly had to know more. I had to know more about the woman who could intrude on this intimate moment between us. I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Why is Bree in the hospital?"

I could feel his body stiffen beneath mine; could imagine the pained look on his face. I almost regretted asking, but if I could expose myself to him as I had, I needed this in return.

"She has pancreatic cancer."

"How old is she?"

"Twenty one."

"So young…" I hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"It runs in their family. Her uncle died from it at the age of forty."

"Is she dying?" The words were quiet; weightless.

"Yes." The answer hung in the air.

I tried to process this. His words from earlier came back to me.

"_Feel your life flowing through your body. Do you know how important that is? That feeling right there? The steady beating of your heart? Your precious, Bella. Your life is precious."_

_Had he been thinking about her, even then?_ I found myself feeling absurdly jealous of the mysterious woman currently lying in the hospital bed.

His phone vibrated against the back of my hand, startling me. He flipped it open quickly.

"Shit!" He sat up quickly, dumping me unceremoniously off of his lap. "I have to go!" He jumped up, patting his pockets chaotically.

"What's the matter? What's going on?" Panic ran through me as I pulled his jacket closed around me.

"She's crashing!" He jumped off the couch, diving into the seat cushions. "Shit, where are my keys?"

I patted the jacket, feeling the weight of his keys swinging in the right hand pocket. I pulled them out and thrust them at him. He snatched them quickly, his eyes frantic. He raced toward the door.

As he pulled the door open, I called out to him. "Edward." This was terrible timing, but I had to know. I couldn't let him run out, back to her, without knowing who she was. He stopped abruptly, turning back to me impatiently.

"Who is she to you?"

He clenched his eyes and dropped his head as his hand clenched around the door.

"My wife."

**A/N**: _OME! He's married? Bet you didn't see THAT one coming! Don'tchya just love cliffies?_

_I managed to get the Volturi off my back…for a little while. My Smut Dealer is appeased that the reviews are starting to come in…but she's still demanding more. She's a vicious MoFo! So, if you continue clicking that little review button for me, I'll do my best to find some more lemons for you…I promise._


	11. Everything Edward Cullen

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I love Jim Carrey in the movie Liar, Liar, so I stole a few of his lines for my own amusement. I'm pretty sure some of this stuff is my original work, though._

Warning: _Really? She just found out she slept with a married man and you want lemons? You all are insatiable! No lemons for you!_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 2,595 Words_

**CHAPTER 11: EVERYTHING EDWARD CULLEN**

The thick gold band on his left ring finger suddenly became blaringly obvious.

_Had he always worn that? How could I not have noticed?_

My lungs ached for air, and yet I couldn't shake the gripping feeling in my chest enough to inhale.

"I want to explain, Bella. Really. I just can't right now." He raked his fingers through his hair, tugging as he went. "I have to go." He stood there a moment longer, looking absolutely torn, before disappearing down the hall.

I crumpled onto the floor. It seemed fitting. I was used and dirty, just like my discarded clothes.

His scent enveloped me, lingering on the jacket that was still wrapped about my naked body. I wanted to claw it off and drown in it in equal parts. I hated him and missed him. I was pissed and worried.

He had turned me into someone I loathed. He had made me into Victoria.

_No, I was worse than Victoria. I had been with a married man while his wife lay dying in the hospital._

I lurched for the garbage can just as the contents of my stomach exited my mouth violently.

I wretched time and time again as my body continued trying to expel food that was no longer there to expel. I hugged the trash, my body sweaty and trembling, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Sobs racked my body as I remembered the way he had watched me as I touched myself, recalling the way his hands had touched me, the way my body had moved and shivered in response. I had felt beautiful and adored less than an hour ago. Now, I wanted to step out of my skin and scrape it clean.

And yet, some small part of me wanted him to come back and hold me and tell me it would be okay.

Rage flooded through me. I tore off his jacket and flung it across the room, crying out with the fury of a caged beast.

_How dare he!_

I picked my clothes up off the floor and dressed hurriedly, disgusted with the sight of myself. He had ruined it for me. He had ruined everything.

I had placed my bets on him being a good guy. I knew now that good guys didn't exist. Give them enough time, and each and every one of them will prove that theory true.

He had succeeded in giving me an orgasm, but to what end? Now that pleasure would forever be tainted with the memory of this heartache. This wretched, festering, maggot ridden chasm in my soul.

_Damn Alice and her optimism. _

_Damn Cosmo and its buoyant views on hope and love and romance. _

_And damn Edward fucking Cullen._

I had to get out of here. I grabbed my things and shoved past the dressing room door, into the empty, dark bar. That's when it struck me.

_I have no car._

_I have no ride._

_I have no frigging place to go._

I threw my bags on top of the bar and called Alice.

Her chipper voice offended me. "Hey sweetie! Where are you?"

"I'm at the bar, Al. I need a ride." My tone sounded lifeless.

"Oh my God, Bella! What's wrong?"

"Edward left." I choked on the words. "I have no way home."

"He just left you?"

"No, his friend in the hospital is dying. He rushed out without thinking."

_And it's his wife, not his friend, so why in the world am I making excuses for him?_

"Oh, sweetie. I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah."

_No. Not really._

"Thanks Ali. And, can I ask a favor?"

"Sure Bella, whatever you need."

"No guys…Don't bring any guys. Okay?"

She stammered for a minute and I wondered if Jasper was already by her side. "Um, okay. No guys."

"Thanks again. I'll see you soon."

"Okay. Bye Bella."

I slinked behind the bar and grabbed an open bottle of Jose Cuervo. I started to reach for a shot glass and chose to bypass it. _No need for you, my little friend. I think I'll just drink straight from the bottle tonight._

Alcohol was used as a disinfectant, right? Maybe this would suffice in sanitizing my soul from the inside out.

I slipped onto one of the bar stools and pursed my lips around the bottle, feeling the burn work it's way down my throat.

I passed out before Alice arrived.

I woke up in the fetal position on my bed, shielding my eyes from the invasive sunlight streaming in through my bedroom window. My head rested on Ro's shoulder and I could feel Ali behind me, her arm relaxed around my waist. They were fast asleep.

Something shifted in the corner of my room, so I lifted my head to get a better look.

"Oh, bad idea." I mumbled, raising my hand up to my throbbing, spinning brain.

The shape shifted again, rising tall from a chair in the corner. It was Felix. He stalked over to my nightstand, shook a couple of pills into his meaty palm and handed them to me with a glass of water.

I downed the Tylenol gratefully.

He sat down on the bed beside Rosie, careful not to disturb her.

"So, no guys, huh?"

I slowly lowered my head back onto Ro's shoulder. "Wha'?"

"Alice said when you called, you asked her not to bring any guys. What was that about?"

"Oh." I found that my brain pulsed less when I kept my eyes closed. "Um, I was having a guy-hating moment. Nothing personal."

"Well, lucky for you, Alice doesn't consider me a guy. She and Rosalie never would have managed to get your tanked ass back to the car otherwise." I smiled weakly. "By the way, I cleaned and locked up the bar last night, and I called Angela this morning. She's going to cover your shift tonight. I didn't think you would be up to it."

I smiled a little more sincerely this time, but kept my eyes closed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."

I passed out before he even rose from the bed.

The next time I woke up, the light coming in through my window was less intimidating. I was now lying sideways across my bed with my head in Jasper's lap, while he leaned back against my headboard and stroked my hair soothingly. Emmet sat in the opposite corner, leaning against my footboard. He had his legs extended beneath mine.

I stretched my stiff arms out in front of me, afraid to move too much in case the worst part of the hangover wasn't over. "Hey Bella. How are you feeling?" Jazz asked quietly.

I sat up slowly, grateful when the earth did not shift on its axis. "A little better. I still have a headache."

He reached over for the same bottle of pills and water glass that Felix had left on my nightstand. "You could probably use a couple more of these. It's been over four hours."

"Where are Alice and Rosalie?"

Emmet chimed in this time. "Well, considering you didn't castrate Felix this morning, we assumed the no-guys ban had been lifted. We agreed to cuddle with you while the girls ran out to pick up something to eat."

"What time is it?"

Jasper checked his watch. "A quarter to five."

"Damn! How long have I been out?"

"Well, Bells, it's tough to say." Emmet started calculating. "We assume you passed out shortly after calling Alice, which was just after two this morning. You slept on the ride home. Then the girls said that you all talked for a while before passing out around seven this morning."

"I don't remember any of it."

"You can thank you're good friend Jose for that." Em teased.

Jasper picked up where Emmet left off. "Aside from waking up around noon for Felix to give you the pills, you've been unconscious most of the day."

"I'm sorry to put you all through this. It was one helluva night." I hated constantly placing the weight of my emotional burdens onto my friends.

Jazz put his arm around me reassuringly. "Its okay, Bella. We understand. Alice gave us the basic run-down of what happened."

I tried desperately to remember what I had told them. _How much did they know? Had I been honest? Did they hate Edward now? Did I want them to hate Edward?_

It was too much for my recovering brain to think about.

"Do you guys mind if I take a shower? I'm a little stiff from lying in bed all day." I flexed my wrists, arms, elbows and shoulders in demonstration.

"Naw, go ahead, Bells. We'll let you know when the girls get back with the food." Emmet rolled out of bed and fully stretched out, reaching up to touch the ceiling with ease.

The hot spray felt good on my muscles. I dropped my head forward and rolled it from side to side, letting the water pound out the knots that had developed along my neck and shoulders through the night. Leaning my head back into the water, the stream saturated my hair. I squeezed some shampoo into the palm of my hand, rubbed my hands together and began massaging the lather along my scalp.

"_Feel how soft and silky it is? Feel how it thickly wraps around your fingers, drawing you in?"_

The unwelcome memory made me rush to work the shampoo through my hair and rinse it out.

I grabbed my shower pouf, squeezed on some lavender scented body wash and washed my neck, shoulders and chest.

"_I want to run my fingers along your collar bone. I want to feel the way your skin flows smoothly over it, like satin stretched over glass. I want to trail my heated touch over your breasts."_

My breasts transformed into tightened peaks as his leather voice echoed in my head.

I scrubbed along my sides and back, moving the lather briskly over my ass, hips and thighs.

"_You are a Goddess, Bella. A sexual, sentient being. Can't you feel how much I worship you?"_

I shuddered as I remembered how erotic it felt when he rubbed himself against me.

"_I want you to see how beautiful you are. I want you to see how incredible it is, the way your body dances against mine. Can't you feel it? Can you feel the power you have over me?"_

I closed my eyes against the onslaught of memories, trying to will away the image of our reflections touching and rubbing in the mirror. I hugged myself and let the tears fall.

Despite everything, I still wanted him. I wondered why he hadn't called and what he was doing. I wondered if Bree had survived and how he was coping if she hadn't. I wondered if he needed me, or missed me, or if he was thinking about me right now.

And I hated myself for wanting the man who had so terribly corrupted me against my will.

_Come now, Bella. Had it really been against your will? I don't remember you trying to fight him off._

No, of course I didn't fight him off, but I hadn't known he was married.

_It wasn't like he was hiding it, Bella. He touched you…made you cum with the same hand he wore the wedding band on. Maybe you were just lying to yourself._

I had been blind. Once again, the signs had been right in front of me and I had not been able to see them. Just like with James.

_Oh my God._ How many married men have I slept with? How many men had I invited in for a one night stand without any regards to the wives or girlfriends they might be cheating on?

Not once had I asked. Not once had I looked for a wedding band. _I hadn't wanted to know._

My self loathing suddenly knew no bounds.

My tears washed down the drain invisibly with the dirt and the soap and the overflowing guilt.

I cried until my tears were warmer than the spray that showered down on me. Then I shut off the water and wrapped a towel around myself, welcoming the numbness back in.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, I found that the girls had returned with Chinese. Everyone was lounging in the living room, watching a movie. The couples were on the couch with Felix filling the one oversized armchair. As I entered the room, the guys moved to stand in order to clear a place for me to sit. I waved for them to remain seated and grabbed a white carton of special fried rice. I settled down on the floor, leaning back against the couch between Ali and Ro's legs. "What're we watching?"

"Liar Liar with Jim Carrey"

"God, I love this movie!" Emmet roared from behind me.

"The Goddamn pen is _BLUE_!" The guys chimed in chorus before laughing hysterically.

For the sake of my friends, I focused on pretending to be happy.

My stomach rumbled, reminding me that it had been more than twenty four hours since I had last eaten. The rice was cold, but I grabbed a set of chopsticks and dug in regardless.

As the movie played on, the laughter of my friends eased my nerves a little. I still didn't feel like laughing along, but I could now smile without looking constipated. When we neared the sentimental part of the movie, I excused myself to go to bed, fearing that the emotional scenes might set me off.

I took the empty Chinese take-out carton with me to the kitchen to toss it out, noting that my phone was resting on the counter top. The battery had gone dead long ago, so I carried it with me to the bedroom to charge it on top of my dresser.

Snuggled into my bed, it surprised me that I could be so sleepy after having slept most of the day.

My phone played the opening sequence, letting me know that it had fully reset. It chirped once, signaling a text message. Then it chirped again. After it chirped a total of nineteen times, I climbed out of bed to check it.

They were all from Edward.

"Bella, so sorry."

"They've revived Bree. She's breathing on her own."

"I didn't mean for you to find out that way, but I couldn't lie to you."

"God I miss you. I would give anything to hear your voice."

"I'm so sorry. Please let me explain."

"It's not what you think."

"Bree still hasn't woken up. Drs think she went without oxygen too long. I'm so scared."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

"Please give me a chance."

"I need you Bella."

There were more, but I couldn't bring myself to read them, nor could I find the courage to listen to the five voicemails he left for me. I turned my phone off so that it could charge silently through the night. As I spun back towards my bed, I noticed something draped over the chair Felix had been sitting in earlier. It was a tan, suede jacket that I knew, without a doubt, would smell like a dream come true. I picked it up and inhaled, feeling the scent inundate my senses. I slid my arms inside and zipped it up around me before climbing back under the covers and drifting off to sleep, enveloped in everything Edward Cullen.

**A/N:** _Uh-oh. The Volturi aren't happy because it doesn't look like they'll get any more lemons any time soon. Meanwhile, my Smut Dealer is worried that you'll all leave me because of the unfortunate situation I've put Bella in. Be kind…press that little review button for me and give me a chance to work it all out, kay?_


	12. For Her

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. It wasn't bad enough that I stole from Liar, Liar, so I've put some Ace Ventura: Pet Detective in there too. I'll try to come up with some original stuff soon._

Warning: _Bella wasn't in the mood for lemons. Sorry._

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,345 Words_

**CHAPTER 12: FOR HER**

Having finally slept as much as I could, I woke up before sunrise Thursday morning. I found the apartment empty and all signs of the Chinese take-out had been wiped clean. By the time Ali wandered out of her bedroom, I had two yoga mats set out and two crappy energy drinks ready for consumption. Ali beamed. "Well, you look better this morning!"

I gave her a weak smile and a shrug. "I'm trying." She patted my arm sympathetically as I raised my glass and chugged on the viscous shake.

"Ali, how much did I tell you the other night?"

"You don't remember?" She wiped the shake from her lips. I just shook my head in response.

She thought for a minute, as if deciding how much she wanted to tell me. "Well, for the sake of summary, you told us that he gave you an orgasm but then left you at the bar when he received a text that his wife was dying in the hospital."

I chewed on my lip. "Did I tell you that she's been in the hospital all this time? And that I didn't know he was married?"

She nodded sadly. "Yes. I believe you gave us a pretty detailed account of how the night went. Don't worry, we just told the guys the part about the dying wife you didn't know about. They're clueless about the rest of it."

I nodded, absorbing it all. I hated thinking that I'd have to regurgitate every minor detail for my friends. I guess it was better that they already knew and I didn't remember having to go through it with them.

"Do you all hate Edward?" I sucked down more of the shake so that I wouldn't have to see her reaction.

"Sweetie, I think the more important question is do you _want_ us to hate Edward."

"Why wouldn't I?" I stalled.

"Well, I would understand if you did, but from what you told us after we picked you up and from the way you've been acting, I would venture to say that you don't."

I finished off the last of my shake and tried to lighten the mood. "You up for some yoga?"

She gave me a knowing look, but smirked anyway. "Anytime, roomie."

After a thorough yoga workout and an intense run around the neighborhood, we showered off and headed for the Hale's house. We were going to spend the afternoon making up for the Jam Day we missed Wednesday.

During the drive, I tossed my cell phone back and forth from hand to hand. I still hadn't turned it back on.

"What's up with that?" Ali asked, jutting her chin towards my hands.

"I'm afraid to turn it on." The butterflies had invaded my stomach once again. They were beastly mother fuckers.

"Why?"

I huffed. "When I started charging it last night, and it powered back on, I found out that Edward had left me a few messages."

Ali mouthed a silent, exaggerated _Oh._ "How many?"

"Nineteen texts and five voicemails."

"What did he say?"

"Pfft…" I scoffed. "What makes you think that I read or listened to them?"

Al cocked an eyebrow at me with a sideways glance.

"Oh, you know. _'I'm sorry.' 'I miss you.' 'It's not what you think.' 'Please let me explain.' _The usual." I tried to sound condescending, but my heart was too heavy.

"What are you going to do?" She tried to keep her expression neutral as she fixed her gaze on the road.

"Nothing, just like I did with James. Just forget he ever existed." It grew quiet.

"Do you think you can, Bella?"

"Don't you?" My voice sounded defensive.

"Do you think it might be wise to hear what he has to say?"

"Al, he's married. He cheated on his wife. His _dying_ wife! _With me!_ How can he possibly explain that away?"

"I don't know, sweetie. But did he ever lie to you? At any point in time, did he lead you into believing that he was single? At any point in time, did he blatantly tell you that she was anything other than his wife?"

"Fuck, Alice! Who's frigging side are you on here? You don't even know him!" My blood was boiling.

"Your side, Bella. Always your side. No, I don't know him, but I have a feeling about him. _And, _I know _you._ Though you're hurt right now, you're not ready to give up on him.

"He isn't James and you're not Victoria. James cheated on you while you were perfectly capable of walking away. It never had to happen. He could have ended it the moment he had feelings for Victoria. But he didn't, he dragged you along, never gave you that choice. And Victoria knew you. She knew all about you. She sat in that audience and watched you perform. Watched you kiss and hug him. Then, she willingly went back with him into that bathroom and willingly let him take her against that stall.

"I'm not excusing what Edward did, and you have every reason to be angry and hurt. I'm just saying it's not the same. You defended him, Bella. Even in your drunken, heartbroken stupor, you defended him. You don't remember that now, but you did. You told us about each and every time you came on to him and he pulled away. You told us how he had _tried_ to lead you to orgasm without even touching you. You told us that he had tried to stay away, and couldn't. And though you might not feel the same way in the light of day, you told us how it hurt you to watch him struggle before he walked out that door. You told us how ashamed he looked when he admitted that he was married, even though it would have been much easier in the heat of the moment to lie to you. '_He didn't lie.' _You said. _'At least he didn't lie.'"_

I was dumbstruck.

We were parked in the Hale's extravagant driveway now. She slid off her seatbelt and turned to face me for the first time since her monologue had started.

"Bella, I supported your break-up with James because you were resolved. You made a very clear choice that you were done with him and you never wavered from that choice. But sweetie, you're not resolved now. You're making a decision based on what you _think_ you're supposed to do and not on what you really _want_ to do. And I'm afraid to support a decision that I'm worried you may regret in the very near future."

I nodded dully, trying to absorb everything she had said.

She sighed in response. "C'mon, let's go inside and get our rock on." She opened the door, but paused when I hadn't moved.

"Give me a minute?" I waved my cell phone at her in explanation.

Al grinned subtly and nodded. "Take you're time. I'll see you inside."

I turned the cell phone over in my hand and powered it up. While the programs loaded, I stepped out of the car into the damp autumn air. The temperature was crisp, but tolerable.

A minute later, I heard the familiar jingle that signaled that the phone was almost done loading. Then the chirping began.

There were four new text messages from this morning and one new voicemail.

"Can't sleep. Thinking about you."

"Hope you are okay."

"I need to see you."

"Don't know if ur reading/listening 2 my msg, but the last vm is important. Pls." I assume he reverted to text speak in order to fit it all into one text.

I couldn't bear to hear his voice yet. To have the velvet ease from the cell phone and envelop me warmly – I would be undone. Later, when I was alone.

_I'd listen to it later._

I turned the phone off, not wanting the temptation of answering should he call again.

The jam session was mediocre. Every one of us tried to pour our hearts in it, but the effort did not accomplish much. We excused our low energy, convincing ourselves that we were just saving up for our evening performance. Still riding the fumes of last night's comedy, Em and Jazz kept the atmosphere light by quoting Jim Carrey movies all day.

Emmet even pulled out the old "Do _not_ go in there! _Whew!"_ move after using the basement bathroom.

_Big, goofy, dumb, loving idiot._

Things picked up when the crowd started to arrive at the bar. It appeared to be packed more than usual for a Thursday night, and it didn't take long for me to figure out why.

My Quileute friends were there; _all _of them. Emily, Renesmee, Leah, Seth, Brady. Even Billy had come along.

Demetri was sitting at the bar with Tyler. Tyler appeared to be embracing life outside of the closet, holding hands and whispering intently with the man I assumed to be his long time boyfriend. When he caught me looking, he waved, pointed at the guy and gave me a big thumb's up. My lips pulled back into the first real, sincere smile I had felt in two days.

_At least it worked out for somebody._

I walked back into the dressing room to find Felix and the band with big, anxious smiles on their faces. "You guys did this, didn't you?"

Emmet shrugged. Jasper mocked innocent confusion, as if he had no idea what I was talking about. Rosalie suddenly became very interested in her manicured nails.

Felix stood up with his chest puffed out. "Okay, okay. It was all my idea." Alice jumped up behind him and swatted him on the arm. She crossed her arms and glared up at him darkly. Felix huffed indignantly. "Fine, maybe Alice and the others helped…_a little bit._" She slugged his shoulder. "Damn it, you rabid mosquito! When will you understand that that _hurts?_"

I embraced them all in a group hug before shooing Felix out of the room.

When we took the stage fifteen minutes later, there was one more surprise waiting for me in the audience. Charlie was sitting at a table, front and center. As I approached the mic, he waved meekly and my heart swelled. He had never come to see the band play before. Then again, I'm not sure I had ever asked him.

I turned back towards the others and Alice winked.

Charlie wasn't big on attention, but I had to let him know how much it meant for me to have him there. "Ladies and gentlemen, there is a very, very important man in the audience tonight who means the world to me. He's a little shy, so I won't point him out, but I just want you all tonight that tonight's performance is dedicated to him."

I glanced subtly towards my father as he dabbed at his eyes, his face radiating love and pride.

Suddenly, all of the magic we had been missing during the morning's rehearsal was back. The crowd was incredibly responsive and it meant more coming from people I knew and loved. We floated on their excitement and adoration, rising up and above it. As I floated, there was still a corner of my brain that clung to Edward; he was the anchor that kept me grounded.

During the break, I mingled with the audience instead of hiding away in the dressing room like usual. I quickly made my way around the room, careful to make sure that I greeted and thanked everyone of my family and friends.

We were back on stage, easing into our second half when I spotted him coming into the room.

I looked away quickly, focusing on other faces, fighting off the usual symptoms. Clenching heart. Tightened lungs. Trembling hands.

He wound his way through the audience, towards the front.

I willed myself to look anywhere but at him. Tyler and his boyfriend were making out.

_Aw, that's nice_.

Emily was leaning back against Sam with his arms wrapped around her. Embry and Jared were drumming along, matching our beat on the table. Jacob was making googly eyes at Renesmee. That made me smile.

Charlie was bobbing his head in time to the music, looking rather impressed.

And then, towards the front left corner of the stage, was the broken man. Something about him drew my gaze towards him, despite my efforts to look away. My eyes zeroed in on his and my heart sunk with the sea of emotion I saw there. Exhaustion. Love. Worry. Sorrow. Regret. Loneliness.

He mouthed the words _I'm sorry._ Although my eyes stayed glued on his, I shook my head.

_I couldn't do this. Not now. Not here. Not like this._

I was starting to strain on the lyrics, my silky voice failing, rasping around the words. My throat clenched around the notes, strangling them. I scanned the room for Felix, my panic stricken eyes begging for him to do something. I caught him slinking through the audience, his own eyes trained on Edward. I followed the giant across the room until he stood in front of Edward, blocking my view.

I watched, oblivious to the words I was singing, entranced by the confrontation taking place.

They were subtle. Calm. No one else in the room appeared to even notice that anything was happening.

Edward peeked around Felix's shoulder, his hand clawing through his hair, his bloodshot eyes pleading with me. I saw Felix shake his head gently, before patting Edward's shoulder reassuringly. Edward's head dropped as he slowly turned around and headed for the exit, Felix always one step behind.

Once they were out of the building, my mind zoomed back in on the present. I hadn't realized I had focused so intently on them that I had completely blocked out the sounds of the room. Suddenly, the music and voices and clinking of glasses seemed deafening. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, looking back at the others. It was apparent by the looks in their eyes that they had noticed, but they had once again managed to keep up the façade. I sang with more energy, throwing myself into the performance with more gusto, giving it everything I had – struggling to stay afloat.

Judging by the crowd reactions at the end of our set, we had managed to pull it off. In an unusual display of emotion, my dad grabbed me and pulled me into a big bear hug, telling me how amazing I was and how very proud he was to see me. The band mingled eagerly with the Quileute, easily striking up their conversation where they had ended last Saturday.

Tyler introduced me to his boyfriend, who in turn thanked me for "setting Tyler straight". I'm pretty sure the pun was intended.

Despite the near run-in, the night was a success. I didn't ask Felix for the details; I didn't want to know. But, when I plugged my phone in that night, I was plagued with curiosity. Against my better judgment, I turned it on.

There were only two new text messages.

The first read "Sorry for upsetting you tonight. Just needed to see you were ok."

The second was a simple "Good night."

I dialed my voicemail. At the sound of his voice, I sat down, unable to steady myself.

His first message came as he drove to the hospital that night.

"God, Bella. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to tell you like that. It's my fault, I should have talked to you about it sooner, but…" He trailed off for a moment, breathing roughly. "…but I'm an asshole. But Bella, I promise you it's not what it sounds like. I'm sure it's hard for you to believe how I could possibly make this okay, but please just give me a chance to explain. I'll call you later."

I tried to figure out what I might have been doing when that call came in. Had I crumpled to the floor, or had I already finished vomiting by the time he left that message. The timestamp on the next message placed it around the time that Felix was carrying my limp body to Alice's car.

"We almost lost her, Bella. It was close. _My God, _I almost lost her and you on the same night, and I'm not sure how I could have handled that. I just want to talk to you. _Damn_. I just really need to hear your voice. Give me a chance. _Please._"

He had called back about ten minutes later and he sounded pissed. "_Damn it!_ I totally forgot you didn't have a ride home! I couldn't have fucked up this night anymore if I tried, huh? Look, I'm on my way back to the bar now. I'll be there in five minutes. _I'm so sorry._" He cursed under his breath before the call disconnected.

"I'm outside Bella, but the place is dark and everything's locked. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I hope you're okay. Can you give me a call when you get home? I'm sure you don't want to talk to me, and I don't blame you. I just need to know that you got home safe. You don't owe me anything, and I know that, but I think I might go insane worrying if I don't hear back from you. Could you just text me or something? Just let me know you're alive? Thanks."

"Guess you're ignoring my calls and texts. Can't say I blame you, but I can't promise to stop either. I feel terrible and I'm sure I can't make it up to you, but it doesn't make me want to stop trying anyway. I wanted tonight to be special for you. I wanted so badly to give you some of the peace you've given me. You released me from this constant dread and sorrow and worry, and I just wanted to try to give you a little bit of the," he contemplated his wording carefully, "relief you were looking for. I tried to guide you without getting involved, but when you told me you needed me like that, I just couldn't stop myself. I want to explain, Bella. I really, really want you to understand, but I can't do it over the phone. Can we please meet somewhere? Can we talk? Anytime, any place and I'll be there. _I'm sorry._"

The final voicemail was the one he had texted me about; the "important" one. My heart stopped in anticipation.

"Hi Bella. I miss you. Wish I could just see you and talk to you, but…I understand. There is still so much I want to tell you – but not like this. I wanted to explain something to you. The cd is Bree's. We went to the Battle of the Bands you all played at, and I bought the cd for her. It's always been one of her favorites. That was why I went to see you perform. I thought it might lift her spirits if I got the cd signed for her. Bree was elated when I gave it to her, until she realized your signature was missing. That was why I went back again. Of course, that's not the entire story, but you know the rest. I have no right to ask you for anything, but she doesn't have much more time. If you would just be willing to sign for her…I don't know. I just thought…"

A prerecorded voice informed me that the message had exceeded the maximum length. I hung up the phone, sleepy numbness washing over me. I didn't think about it too long, I just opened a new text message and started typing my reply.

"Can't see you. Hurts too much. Drop the cd off with Felix and I'll sign it."

I hit send, and then immediately typed an addendum. "It's the least I can do. FOR HER." Without the use of italics, the capitals would have to suffice in stressing my point.

His response was instantaneous. "Thank you."

**A/N:** _Shhh…I'm on the lam, hiding from the Volturi and my Smut Dealer while I try to figure out how to get myself out of this mess. I have no money or food, I'm living solely on your reviews…it's dark, cold and scary on the streets, so please donate as many reviews as possible to help me make it through._


	13. More Than You Know

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I came up with the other stuff all on my own. Yeah, I know…I need help._

Warning: _This is so not the right time for lemons, people. Get your minds out of the gutter._

Approx: _6 Pages/__ 2,344 Words_

**CHAPTER 13: MORE THAN YOU KNOW**

I never saw Edward, but when Felix wandered back into the dressing room after our Friday performance, he had the jewel case in his hand. Alice was happy to see me making an effort.

"How are you going to give it back to him?" Emmet spoke through the Snickers bar he was gratuitously chomping down on.

"I hadn't thought about that."

"Do you want me to take it to the hospital for you?" Felix offered. He, like Alice, felt an affinity for Edward that he could not necessarily explain. Although Felix was protective of me, he kept an open mind where Mr. Green Eyes was concerned.

"No. I think I'll do it." There was an audible gasp in the room as all eyes were suddenly on me. "Don't worry, I can handle it. I don't plan on doing anything stupid. His wife's not awake, but I just want to see her. To sort of silently pay my respects to her, if that makes any sense. I feel I owe her that much. And, of course, I'll avoid Edward. I'm not ready to see him, yet."

"Do you want us to come with you, Dorothy?" Rose asked.

"No thanks, Ro. I need to do this by myself."

"When do you think you'll go?" Jazz asked, concern in his eyes.

"Tomorrow. Edward says she doesn't have much time, so I can't afford to procrastinate." I carried the jewel case over to the counter and looked around. "Does anyone have a marker?"

Ali ran out and came back a second later with a silver sharpie.

They watched me silently as I uncapped the marker and bent over the tiny plastic case. There wasn't space for me to write much, so I settled on something simple that would hopefully encapsulate all that I wanted to say to this stranger.

"Bree - You're an angel. Thanks, Bella Swan"

I capped the marker and handed the cd to Ali. She wiped a tear from her eye and passed it around so the others could take turns reading it. "You're a good person, Bella." She said, hugging me tightly.

"Then why do I feel like crap?"

I woke up early Saturday, bypassing yoga to head straight for Olympic Memorial Hospital. First of all, it would take me twice as long to get there in the Chevy and, secondly, I'd have to be sneaky if I planned to get in and out without confronting Edward.

I spotted the silver Volvo in front of the hospital, so I parked in an inconspicuous space off to the side where I could keep my eye on the entrance. He'd have to leave eventually, right? All I had to do was wait him out.

I rolled down the windows to let the breeze through, smiling at the birds that hopped and skipped across the asphalt, chasing invisible bugs. It was an unusually sunny day; the air was crisp and dry without the constant threat of rain. The hospital grew busier as the sun rose higher in the sky. It wasn't quite time for lunch, but I started picking at the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I brought, just to pass the time.

Yes – I had packed a lunch for my stake out. _Can't say I'm not prepared._

The wind picked up as the day progressed, whipping my hair in my face. I rolled the windows up half way and pushed my arms into the sleeves of Edward's suede jacket, tucking my nose into the collar to breathe in his scent. I wondered what he would be wearing to keep warm, or if he even realized I still had it.

Three hours and twenty six minutes into my stake out, the broken man emerged from the hospital doors. The beard was back, and he was wearing the same crumpled outfit he wore to the bar the other night. My heart cracked and my hands itched to touch him and hold him and make it all better. He stumbled to the Volvo – his gait slow and dragging.

I imagined a couple more days of this might make him vanish into thin air. The thought made me sad.

I rolled up my windows as he pulled away, laid the jacket on the seat, grabbed my purse and hurried into the hospital, unsure of how much time I would have before he came back.

A kind, heavyset woman helped me at the front desk. "Can you tell me what room I can find Bree…Cullen in?" My heart caught in my throat as I said his name.

_Mrs. Bree Cullen. _

_Edward's wife. _

_That is who I am about to go visit in the oncology ward._

The woman checked the computer and directed me to the second floor.

I eased down the hall, grateful to go completely unnoticed.

With a quick look around to make sure that no one was looking, I eased into room 212.

The woman in the bed looked much younger than her twenty one years. Long, dark brown hair lay lifelessly against her incredibly pale skin. It made me wonder how long it had been since she'd last been out in the sun.

Her thin lips were chapped, yet still a light pink.

She was bundled so thickly in hospital blankets that I could barely see her form. Only dainty, thin arms were exposed, covered in bandages and aging bruises. She was hooked up to numerous IV's and medical equipment, dwarfed by everything that surrounded her.

She was so incredibly petite and fragile looking, like she wouldn't be able to hold her own against a stiff breeze.

I tried to imagine Edward…_my Edward_…holding her and kissing her and touching her as he had touched me, but my mind simply could not wrap around it. My body didn't even react to the thought, as if it weren't even a possibility.

It wasn't that I didn't think she was good enough. She was pretty, even in her frightening stillness. My body, mind and soul simply resisted the notion entirely, refusing to even contemplate the probability.

I laid my simple bouquet of flowers on the bedside table alongside a brush, some lotion, Chapstick and a bottle of water that crowded the small stand.

I dropped my purse onto the awkward looking chair and pulled the jewel case out of it. I swallowed, not exactly sure what to do next. I slipped the cd gently beneath her small, cold, unresponsive hand. I left my hand over hers, trying to warm her up a bit, wanting so badly to make something better for her.

"She can hear you, you know? If you want to say something." The woman's voice surprised me – I hadn't realized anyone was there. I dropped Bree's hand and stepped away, feeling as if I had been caught doing something wrong. "I haven't seen you before. Are you one of Bree's friends?"

I gulped. "I'm…uh…I…" The woman stared at me patiently as I struggled to form a complete sentence. "I've met her husband." I snatched my purse, anxious to run away. "I'm sorry, I was just getting ready to go."

"Please, don't rush out on my account. It can get pretty boring in here and I'm sure Bree would appreciate hearing a different voice for a change." The woman stepped toward the bed, offering her hand to me. "I'm Mrs. Tanner - Bree's mom."

_Holy fuck._

I really wanted to bolt for the door, but I shook her hand instead, trying not to make a scene. "It's nice to meet you." She was clearly waiting for me to introduce myself, but I was hoping she wouldn't notice my evasiveness.

She was a petite, about my height. Like her sickly daughter, she appeared much younger than her apparent years. She was fair skinned like her, too, though not quite as pale. Her eyes were a crystal blue, and I wondered if Bree's would appear the same.

"You must be Bella."

My internal organs all dropped into a heavy, muddy pool in my lower abdomen. My eyes widened, my face flushed and my mouth dropped open, forming soundless questions.

"Edward has told us all about you."

_This really was not making me feel any better. _Surely he couldn't have told her _all_ about me, or she wouldn't be calmly and politely introducing herself.

"I just wish he had explained everything to you sooner. It would have saved both of you all of this unnecessary drama"

My mouth and vocal chords couldn't seem to work in sync. My mouth continued to open and close like a fish while my throat made strangled squeaking noises.

"Bella, there's nothing to worry about with me, I assure you. It's all a misunderstanding. Please sit down – we should talk."

I stumbled back into the chair, clutching my purse to my chest. After much concentration, I managed to shut my mouth and end the odd whimpering.

Mrs. Tanner pulled up a chair on the other side of the hospital bed.

"Tell me, Bella. What made you decide to come here today?"

I struggled with my answer, debating how much she could possibly know. I didn't want to say something to upset her, to cause a scene right over her daughter's ill body. It was a delicate balancing act. I'm not sure how long I contemplated an answer before she gave up and continued.

"He misses you, you know?"

_This must be what it feels like to be in an episode of the Twilight Zone._

"He's been pacing, checking his phone every five minutes, praying that you'll give him a chance to explain. He'll be livid with himself when he comes back later to find out that he missed you."

_How much does this woman know? _It definitely doesn't sound like she thinks I'm a coworker or acquaintance. It was all putting me off balance. I couldn't move forward and couldn't pull back until I had a clue where I stood with her.

"Mrs. Tanner, if you don't mind my asking, what exactly has Edward told you about me?"

"Well, I know that you're a very talented singer and performer – one of Bree's favorites, actually - but, Edward didn't have to tell me that. I know that you've spent quite a lot of time together recently, getting to know each other intimately. I know Edward has seemed more alive in the past couple of weeks than I've seen him in over a year, and I know that's because he is absolutely crazy about you."

She grinned softly, sweetly at me.

"Crazy about me?" I didn't know if I was more surprised that she said it so casually, or that she seemed to think it was true at all.

"You really didn't know?" She sounded doubtful.

My voice was awed. "And you're okay with that?"

Miraculously, her smile broadened. "Bella, there is so much more involved than meets the eye, but it's not my place to explain it to you. Suffice it to say that I am very 'okay' with it. Edward is family to me, and you make him happy. When he's not being a dolt, that is." She rolled her eyes at that last part. "So, what _did_ make you come here today?"

I was still curious about her motives, but with the rest of it out there, I decided to go with it.

"I was worried about her. Edward told me…" I lowered my voice to a whisper, worried about offending her, "how bad she was…"with that awkward part over, I resumed a normal volume, "and that she was a fan of ours. I wanted to come and try…to do something for her," my voice lowered again, "before it was too late."

She looked towards Bree's serene face and smoothed her hair. "That was very nice of you, Bella. I'm sure she appreciates it. I saw the flowers you brought. They're perfect - she loved daisies. They were her favorite."

"Mine too." I smiled, looking at Bree. _So we were a little alike that way._

"What else did you give to her? I saw you sliding something under her hand."

I wanted to show her, but I had already given it to Bree and couldn't bring myself to pull it out from beneath her limp hand. "It's her cd. Edward asked us all to sign it for her. I was the last signature, so I just wanted to drop it off."

We sat there quietly for a moment, both staring at the silent girl in the bed. "I wish I had the chance to speak with her. You're daughter sounds like she is a wonderful person."

"She _is._" Mrs. Tanner reiterated, apparently grateful for my use of the present tense, even in her daughter's current condition.

"It really has been nice talking to you. I can't thank you enough for your…kindness_._" I pushed the chair back slightly as I stood up and swung my purse onto my shoulder. "But I really should be going."

"You're still not ready to see Edward, are you?" There was no accusation in her tone, only empathy.

"No. Not yet."

"Will you come back again?" She saw the surprise on my face. "I wasn't lying when I said that Bree was a huge fan. Her heart rate has improved since you've been in the room." I followed her gaze toward the heart monitor, not that I would have any clue what I was looking for. "It's your voice. I told you she could hear you."

For this woman, and for her daughter, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to do anything I could to make this all better or easier. But I wasn't strong enough right now. It simply wasn't a promise I was ready to keep. "I'll try."

I walked around the bed, placing my hand lightly on the woman's shoulder. "I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, Mrs. Tanner."

She nodded, sorrow and worry creeping onto her face. She called to me briefly as I reached the door. "He's a good man, Bella. More than you know."

**A/N:** _Wow, what kind of twisted situation has Bella gotten herself into? It's obvious that my life of hiding out on the streets has already started to affect my sanity. A kind doctor at the free clinic told me that it is important that I get as many nice reviews as possible if I intend to keep my marbles. You wouldn't want me to go stark raving mad, right? So, go ahead and hit me up with the best reviews you got. I promise that I'm searching through dumpsters for discarded lemons and limes for you…_


	14. Bella, Wait

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I might have written a thing or two on my own._

Warning: _No lemons, just hot dogs._

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 2,551 Words_

**CHAPTER 14: BELLA, WAIT**

Charlie was surprised when I called him Sunday morning to find out if I could treat him to lunch.

My friends had been spending so much time taking care of me that I thought it might be good for me to give them a break, and I knew the only way they would leave me alone was if I made some plans of my own. Spending the day catching up with my dad seemed like my best option. First of all, seeing him recently made me realize how much I missed spending time with him. Secondly, he was removed from all of the Edward nonsense. And, most importantly, I already knew the perfect place to take him.

Eleazar smiled as I peeked in through the door. "Well if it isn't my favorite customer! What brings you back so soon?"

I stepped into the shack with my father in tow. "I brought you another victim, Eli!" I gave him a wink and he broke out with a face splitting grin.

"That's what I like to hear!"

I sat my dad down at the same table we had used and went up to the counter to place our order. "One Devil Dog for my father here, please."

"One Devil Dog for dear old dad!" He rang it up. "And should I add another for you, sweetheart?" He grinned wickedly.

"No thanks, Eli." I leaned in conspiratorially "One of us has to drive home, after all."

Eleazar howled with laughter. "One plain hot dog with mustard it is."

My dad was looking around the shack curiously. "So, how did you find out about this place?" Guess it wasn't the type of joint he normally pictured me in.

"Oh, my friend brought me here for a couple of dogs, and then we rode ATV's for a while. It was pretty cool. He led us to this waterfall where bears were fishing. It was really beautiful." I stopped silently, unable to remember the last time I had talked so much to my dad. He seemed surprised, but pleased.

"You rode an ATV? I can't picture it."

Eli delivered our tray to the table, distributing the food accordingly.

"What's all this for?" Charlie gestured to the milk and chalky white tablet.

I winked up at Eli, who was standing by anxiously. "Well, dad, the hot dog's a little spicy. The milk helps it go down."

"Aw, I can handle a little spicy chili, Bella, you know that. But what about this thing?" He prodded the antacid as if it might bite.

"That's for later." I answered. He cocked his eyebrow. "Trust me, you'll need it."

An hour later, my dad's face was finally returning to a normal shade and his eyes had stopped tearing up, but his nose was still running. "I will never forgive you for this, Bella." He said with a big grin. I walked him over to the wall of photos, looking for the addition of my picture.

I could tell by his hearty laughter that Charlie had found my picture before I did. He shoved his finger at it, unable to draw in enough air to form words.

"Dear God, I didn't realize I looked that bad!" I looked over at Eli and mimed tearing the picture off the wall.

"Won't do any good, sweetheart! You wouldn't be the first to try that bull crap. That's why we keep extras on file now."

Charlie and I fell into comfortable conversation on the ride home. He was still surprised about the ATV's, so he asked what else I'd been up to. I told him about Project Discovery, leaving out all the non-parent-friendly stuff. I told him how I'd started exercising with Alice in the morning and how I had beat Felix at all of the different carnival games. He was most impressed with Rosie's mechanic lessons and Jasper taking me to the shooting range.

"I didn't think you had it in you, kid. You've come a long way from the shy girl you were when you first got here. Hell, back then, I would never have imagined you getting on stage and singing in front of all those people. You were always so afraid of tripping over your own feet."

He was right. As much as I had wanted to get back to the girl I used to be, there were a lot of good things about the woman I had become in the process.

"You had a lot to do with that, dad. Letting me be independent. Allowing me to figure things out for myself."

We had moved into emotional territory, and Charlie was terribly out of his element. I could see him squirming beside me, drowning in the sentiment.

"Well, I can't take all the credit. Your friends seem to be doing a pretty good job too. I'm glad you have them." His voice was gruff. "Now, what are you doing next week? I plan on feeding Billy one of those Devil Dogs and I might need help finding my way back to that place!"

The rest of my visit with Charlie was playful and light hearted.

Al and Jazz were cuddling on the couch when I got home, watching some romantic movie.

"Have a good time with Charlie?" Alice twittered.

"Yeah. I took him for a Devil Dog." I replied with a sinful grin.

"Ooooooh, _you're evil_!" She harped back. "Any new messages from Edward?"

"Um…" I checked my phone for the first time all day. "No."

My heart sank. _Was he giving up on me? So soon?_

That scared me more than I cared to acknowledge.

Jazz spoke up. "You okay Bella? You look a little pale."

"Um, yeah. I'm fine." _Except that I'm disheartened that the guy I don't want to talk to isn't trying to talk to me._

_Yeah, like that makes any sense._

"Think I'm just tired. I'm gonna go lay down for a little while before our set. Wake me up around four o'clock, would ya?"

"Sure, no problem sweetie. Have a nice nap." Ali waved before snuggling further down into Jasper's arms.

I climbed into bed, thoughtlessly hugging my phone to my chest as if willing him to call so that I could ignore him once again.

I thought about Mrs. Tanner and the odd conversation I had with her. I had every right to be upset. Even his mother-in-law had confirmed that.

_But so did she._

And she had sat there, casually chatting with her son-in-law's mistress, telling me how grateful she was that I made Edward happy.

_How could that be?_

_How could she sit there beside her dying daughter and comfort the woman who slept with her son-in-law? How could she sound so believable when she said she didn't hate me? How could she sit there and tell me that Edward was a good man?_

I didn't believe Edward when he told me that it wasn't what it looked like. I hadn't believed him when he told me he needed to explain. His wife was in the hospital on the brink of death while he gave me an earth shattering, mind blowing orgasm.

_What more could I possibly need to know?_

Yet, even Mrs. Tanner had confirmed that there was more to it. If she could be so understanding – and I had every reason to believe that she was being sincere – why couldn't I?

Astonishingly, I drifted off to sleep as my mind continued to spin.

When we made it to the bar that night, Felix greeted me at the door. He pulled me up into a monster hug and whispered into my ear "There's a delivery for you."

"What delivery?"

"It's in the dressing room." Felix gave Ali a little sideways glance and she grinned. I didn't understand it, but I was too eager to find my delivery to try to figure it out.

I weaved through the tables and chairs, pushing through the stage door and marching into the dressing room. There on the make-up counter was an overflowing arrangement of daisies in every shade of the rainbow. I had only ever seen arrangements like this on tv before. They were called "Crazy Daisies" and they were incredible. A tiny envelope was stuck amidst the brightly colored flowers. I slid the card out to read it. The message was simple.

**Thank you.  
Thank you.  
Thank you.**

**I Miss You.  
~Edward**

He hadn't given up on me.

I pulled out my phone and opened a new text message. "Received the flowers. They're amazing."

A second later, I received his reply. "So are you."

"How's Bree?" Before I tried to accomplish anything else, I needed to know that she was alright.

"Same. :( "

Well, I couldn't have expected for her to get better, so I suppose that was the best news I could have hoped for. "Pick me up after the show?"

He replied faster than I thought possible. "I'll be there."

Time warped. I couldn't tell you the first thing about our performance. I don't know how many people were in the audience nor could I tell you if they were responsive.

Hell, for all I know, Emmet could have stripped on stage, set his dick on fire and sang Yankee Doddle Dandy and I would have been oblivious.

Next thing I know, Ali was ushering me outside with the rest of the gang when I spotted Edward leaning against his shining silver Volvo.

_Did you know that silver Volvo's are the sexiest car on earth?_

_Yeah, me neither!_

He jumped when he saw me, standing straight at attention appearing as nervous and excited and awkward as I felt.

"Hi." He said, unusually quiet for the distance that still separated us.

"Hi." I matched his tone exactly. For that second, no one else existed.

"Bella, we're gonna head home. You okay?" Ali broke through the trance.

I looked at her and then back to Edward. "I can give you a ride home, if you'd like?" He answered my unspoken thought.

"Are you sure?" I hated that this felt so awkward.

"Of course." He responded as if it was the most obvious thing.

"It'd be great if you actually got her all the way home, this time." Emmet chided.

Edward dropped his head in shame. "Of course." The words were solemn this time; contrite.

Part of me wanted to hug Emmet for having my back, but the other part wanted to smack him for making Edward feel bad.

This soul-splitting shit had to stop soon. I mean, _enough is enough!_

"Okay then, we'll see you soon." Ali pranced over and hugged me tightly. The rest of the gang came over one by one and did the same.

We didn't usually hug each other every time we said goodbye, but there was nothing usual about this. Their hugs were silent wishes for this to go well so that things could get better. They were promises that, no matter what way this went, they would be there for me when it was over.

I stood my ground as they drifted over to their cars. Ali waved at Edward encouragingly. Jasper simply regarded him with a nod of his head. Emmet and Rosie glared. I watched and absorbed their reactions, taking the negative just as well as the positive. I got the impression he thought they couldn't berate him any more than he had already berated himself.

I could almost believe that were true.

He took a tentative step toward me. "Do you want to go somewhere so we can talk?" There was so much hope in his eyes.

"Just a sec." He looked shattered. I ran quickly back into the bar, returning less than three minutes later, a little out of breath. "Before I forget, here." I held the tan jacket out to him, knowing that I couldn't keep it, no matter how badly I wanted to.

"Why don't you hold on to it?" He added "For now" when he saw that I was about to refuse. "It's supposed to get chilly tonight, and that outfit isn't going to keep you very warm." I looked down, suddenly regretting that I hadn't changed out of the sexy little number Alice had dressed me in. Covering up with the jacket seemed like a good idea. He opened the passenger side door and gestured into the car "Shall we?"

I slid into the seat, careful to avoid touching him. I had a subtle chant repeating in the back of my head.

_He's a dying woman's husband. He's a dying woman's husband. He's a dying woman's husband._

I had to remember that fact if I didn't want to get hurt again. I had to cling to that notion if I didn't want to get lost in those eyes and that smile. I had to remind myself of it, again and again, to keep me from drowning in his addictive fragrance.

As he drove, I paid no attention to where we were going. I focused solely on not looking at him while repeating my inner chant.

"Bella, I can't thank you enough for what you did for Bree. I never expected you to deliver it in person. She must have been so excited."

They acted like I was a celebrity, instead of some small town chick rocking out with a couple of friends. "It was no big deal."

"Actually, it was. You have no idea the impact you made. Her heart rate's been better, her oxygen levels have gotten better and her temperature's improved enough that we could take some of the blankets off of her. You don't understand…she's been so cold the past few days. Between the IV's and the dialysis, we can't seem to keep her warm. Then, you spend a half an hour with her and she warms right up."

I wasn't sure I believed it, but I was glad they felt I had done something positive for her. I was also secretly disgusted with the part of me that revolted against the idea of her getting better.

"Well, then, I'm really glad I could help. I wanted to do something to…" I trailed off, unable to bring myself to say it.

We pulled in by a lake, the moonlight glimmering on the surface of the black water. Near the waters edge was a gazebo with a little picnic table.

"To do what?" He prompted.

I looked down at my hands, my head dropping under the overwhelming guilt. "To make up for what we did."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his elegant fingers. "We didn't do anything wrong, Bella. That's what I want you to understand."

I flung the door open, jumped out of the car and slammed it closed as hard as I possibly could.

_Damn these new cars. The doors never slam as well as the older models. It's just so anticlimactic!_

Edward was out of his seat and staring at me over the roof of the car.

"We didn't do anything wrong, Edward? Really? How could you possibly say that after…" I banged my hands down on the roof of the car and pushed off, storming for the gazebo.

Behind me, I could hear him slam his car door; his long strides quickly bringing him closer. "Bella, wait."

**A/N:** _Oh, this isn't going as well as I had hoped. A few more wonderful reviews might get me back on the right track._

_Meanwhile, I found a dumpster that looks pretty promising…I might have some lime for you soon!_


	15. The Rhythmic Beat of His Heart

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I may have stolen some book and movie quotes along the way, but you knew those weren't mine anyway, didn't you? I've thrown some of my own ideas in here and there along the way._

Warning: _A twist of lime! Yay for you!_

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,806 Words_

**CHAPTER 15: THE RHYTHMIC BEAT OF HIS HEART**

I raced under the gazebo, around to the other side and spun around to face him with the picnic bench between us. "Do you know what her mother said, Edward? Mrs. Tanner said that you were a _good man._ How can I possibly believe that when you see nothing wrong with cheating on your dying wife!"

"We're not in love, Bella!" His voice rose in frustration, but not anger. He ran his fingers through his hair, creating a chaotic blaze of bronze with those crazy red and gold highlights glinting in the moonlight.

_What did he mean? Did he think because he wasn't in love with me - because it was just lust and sex - that it didn't qualify as cheating?_

I didn't know what bothered me more – knowing that he felt no remorse for cheating on his wife, or hearing him say that he didn't love me. It made no sense to me.

_Of course we're not in love; we don't even know each other._

His words gripped my heart just the same.

He placed his palms on the table and leaned forward, getting as close to me as the obstacle would allow. "I love her, Bella. I do." The invisible hand squeezed tighter around my heart. I didn't want to hear this. "But we're not _in love_. That wasn't why I married her."

I was so utterly confused.

He sat down on the bench and looked up at me, gesturing for me to do the same. I shook my head defiantly.

He looked so weary. So sad. It wasn't safe for me to be that close to him, where it would be too easy to hold his hand or stroke his face. I chose instead to lean back against one of the columns of the gazebo, removing myself from temptation.

"Then why in the world did you marry her, Edward?" There was no longer anger in my voice, just exhausted aggravation.

Green eyes looked up into mine, pleading for understanding. "Because she was dying."

"Bree and I grew up together. We were next door neighbors. She's a couple of years younger than me, so I always kind of saw her like a little sister. I took my role as adoptive big brother seriously. I helped her learn how to ride a bike. I carried her books when we walked home from school. Once, I got into a fight with a kid because he made her cry.

"In Junior High School, I even scared off a couple of guys she liked because I didn't think they were good enough for her." He chuckled weakly.

"She never forgave me for that.

"She started getting sick a lot in High School. She seemed depressed all the time. Her mom said that I was the only one who could cheer her up. They took her to a therapist, but nothing seemed to help.

"She told her parents that she didn't feel good, but she never really explained what was wrong. We all noticed that she was losing weight. Then, I started catching her throwing up. A lot. I mean, in one week, I caught her running off to the bathroom to vomit seven different times. Together with the weight loss and the depression, I was worried it was bulimia.

"When I approached her about it, she was furious that I had jumped to that conclusion. She told me that she just didn't feel good and started crying. I held her. There was nothing else I _could_ do but just hold her thin, weak body.

"By the time she graduated, the doctors had diagnosed her with Diabetes. They told us that diabetes would explain her depression which, in turn, would explain her nausea and weight loss. They started her on insulin and we saw an improvement.

"She got a job in town and things got back to normal. _For a while._ Then the abdominal pain started. Being the stupid male that I was, I joked that she was just suffering from PMS. I teased her to suck it up and stop acting like a girl. She did. But the pain didn't stop. It became unbearable and she missed so much work that they let her go. So, her parents took her to the hospital.

"That was when she was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We finally had the answer, and she had no insurance or income to pay for the treatment. We didn't know what to else to do.

"By this time, I was working for Mr. Tanner's law firm. We could only find one way to make it work. He promoted me to full time so that I could get full company benefits. I wasn't dating anyone, so I had no reason to worry about it. I married Bree at the courthouse and she became my dependant. I moved in with the Tanners to help take care of her, and so that there would be no doubt that we were married if anyone came looking."

His voice dropped lower, weakened by his efforts to explain.

"We were married for one month before Bree went into the hospital. She's been there for nine months now, and Mr. Tanner's let me go on Family Medical Leave the entire time so that I could be there for her. The cancer has metastasized in her colon, spleen and kidney. The doctors keep telling us it's only a matter of time now."

He stretched his arms out across the table and lowered his head, burdened by the story he had just told.

I tiptoed quietly over, sitting on the bench opposite him, unable to resist comforting him any longer. I trailed my fingers over the back of his hands, and he turned them palm up. It was an invitation. I slid my hands into his, feeling his warmth and strength engulf me. My heart stuttered.

"Why didn't you just tell me, Edward? Why did you wait?"

"I just wanted to get her cd signed." He laughed. "I never expected this." He squeezed my hands.

"I was going to ask you that Friday night when you ran away from me. I was worried I upset you somehow, so I left. I came back to try again Saturday, but then you looked like you were going to pass out on stage and it seemed like really bad timing. I was relieved when that big guy took me backstage the next day. Everyone came out with me to sign the cd, except for you. When he invited me back to your dressing room, I thought I could just get your signature and leave. I didn't realize it was too late for me. Three days was all it had taken for me to get hooked." His thumbs rubbed soothing circles on the back of my hands. Yet, there was something that was still nagging at me.

"If you honestly don't have romantic feelings for Bree; if you truthfully feel that we did nothing wrong, then why did you fight it?"

He thought carefully before replying. "We have to be careful. Insurance fraud is a big deal. Mr. Tanner could even be disbarred. For the most part, it's easy to play the doting husband because I really do love her and care about her. The fact that her condition doesn't lend itself to romantic intimacy saves us from having to pretend, and I spend almost every waking moment with her and her parents, so we really are family. So far, it's been pretty easy. But falling for you complicates things. I want you to know, I've never once kissed Bree. Never once held or looked at her the way I have you. She's my best friend, nothing more."

I tried to make sense of everything he was telling me, but one thing in particular stuck out in my mind. "You've fallen for me?" I repeated, doubtful and insecure.

"Of course. You don't think I act like a stark raving lunatic for all the girls, do you?" He smiled a charming, crooked little grin that made me melt.

_So completely swoon worthy._

"That's why I had to speak to you in person. I've had to be careful with everything about you. I have to make sure I haven't said anything inappropriate in my messages and my texts, which is harder than you can imagine. When you wouldn't return my calls, I wanted to write you a letter, but I couldn't put any of this down in writing. I even wanted to send you roses to say I was sorry, but I was afraid how that might look. When my mother-in-law told me you liked daisies, you have no idea how grateful I was to have something I could send you that wouldn't look suspicious."

"Then what changed?" I asked. "What made you decide to try?"

"You. And Bree's mom." I looked at him curiously.

"I told you how hard it was for me to stay away, and you told me not to. It's very, very difficult for me not to give you what you want." There was another crooked smile. They were coming easier now.

"Renee had seen the difference in me immediately after the first time I saw you. She's practically my second mom. She noticed that I seemed happier, but always preoccupied. When she asked me, I told her I'd met this incredible, talented, smart, witty, sexy, beautiful girl, but that I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize Bree's treatment.

"She thanked me for everything I had done and told me she loved me like a son, but that I was stupid if I let you get away. She told me if I learned anything from my friendship with Bree, I should learn that life is too short not to take chances, and you were worth the risk. We'd find a way to make it all work out. When she told me Bree would be heartbroken if I let her illness set me back, I knew she was right. If she could wake up and say one last thing to me, she'd tell me to stop being an idiot, go out and get the girl. So, that was what I tried to do that night. I just wanted to make you happy. I never meant for it all to go so wrong."

I could suddenly understand how Mrs. Tanner could sit there, happily chatting with me. He was just as much her child as Bree was, and she thought I made him happy.

There _was_ more to the story.

And he _was_ a good man. More than I had known.

I lifted his hands in mine and kissed sweetly along his knuckles. He pulled his right hand from mine and gently caressed my cheek.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you Bella."

"I know." I said, and I really could see it clearly written on his face.

I hadn't wanted to hear his explanation.

I hadn't thought it would matter.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

"Is Bree alone right now?"

"No, her parents are spending the night with her. They didn't want me to feel like I had to rush through this.

"Her mom likes you, you know. She told me she couldn't wait to get to know you better once you weren't terrified of her." He laughed freely.

"You know, if I wasn't terrified of her, I think I would have liked her too." I joked back. The awkwardness was gone, evaporated into the chilly night air. "Would you take me home?"

He frowned in disappointment. "Oh, yeah, you're friends will probably get mad if I don't get you there soon, huh? Two failed attempts are more than enough." He chuckled darkly.

"Not my home. Yours." His eyes widened. I stood up and made my way around the table. "It's late and we're both exhausted. Plus, if the Tanners should happen to need you, I don't want to be the reason you're over an hour away." He stood up, looking at me incredulously

"I could always sleep on the couch." I added, trying to make it clear that my intentions were pure.

"What about your friends?" He didn't seem opposed to the idea of me spending the night, just slightly wary.

"I'll call Alice. She can pick me up in the morning. Or, if I remember correctly, Mrs. Tanner invited me back to visit Bree again. If you don't mind the company, I could just spend the afternoon with you at the hospital and Alice could pick me up in time for work."

He pulled me into a tight embrace. "Thank you, Bella. Thank you so very, very much for giving me a chance."

I pulled back, feigning insult. "Who said I'm giving you a chance? I'm just tired and looking forward to visiting Bree."

He laughed and pulled me into another warm embrace. "That'll do."

It wasn't until we arrived at the house that I remembered what Edward had told me about living with the Tanners. Although I understood the situation and grasped that Bree's parents fully supported Edward seeing me, I still felt a little awkward spending the night in their home.

_Too late. This was you're idea, so it's not like you can back out now. Time to put up or shut up._

It helped knowing that Mr. and Mrs. Tanner would remain at the hospital until Edward returned. It was already after midnight, so there was little reason for them to come home now.

The home was one story; white with gray-blue trim. I would venture to say it was on the upper side of middle-class. Edward held the door open as I broached the dark entryway.

Once I was inside, he led the way to the kitchen, flipping on lights as he went. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure. What do you have?" I was silently praying for something strong enough to make this night go a little easier for me.

He called things out as he sifted through the contents of the fridge. "Water…pop…orange juice…beer….or wine."

_No scotch? Grrr. _

"I'll take some wine, thanks."

He poured two glasses. His eyes darkened infinitesimally as he handed me a glass. "Cheers." We brought our glasses to our lips simultaneously, his eyes fixed on mine, making my heart do weird flip-flops in my chest.

"You really shouldn't do that, you know?" I teased as I lowered my glass.

"Do what?" He cocked an eyebrow and my heart did another somersault in appreciation.

"Mix seduction and wine. It leads to terribly dangerous things."

He leaned in to me, his green eyes narrowing. "And what dangerous things are you worried about?"

I sipped my wine, trying to stall. "Well, for example," I tried to sound academic, "If I can find the will power not to molest you, then my girly parts may spontaneously combust, setting your in-law's house on fire."

He stepped towards me, placing his hand on my hip, leaning in even more irresistibly close. "Well, I most definitely wouldn't want your girly parts to combust." His nose skimmed along my jaw as he brought his fevered lips to my ear. "And it's not considered molestation if I'm a consenting adult." I shivered with delight as his warm, sweet breath washed over my skin.

I placed my palm against his chest. "We are not doing this in your in-laws home, Edward." I didn't sound convincing, not even to myself.

"It's my home too, ya know?" He nipped at the corner of my jaw, and I moaned.

I downed the rest of my wine and slammed the glass back down on the counter before turning away from him. "Okay, that's it. I'm going to bed." I quickly staggered toward the living room, trilling my fingers at him over my shoulder. "Good night, Edward."

He growled sensuously. "Oh no you don't!" With two long strides, he spun me around into his arms and kissed me. His soft, heavenly lips pressed against mine desperately as his arms wrapped around me, pinning me to his magnificent, hard body. I fisted my hands into his hair, pulling against the fierceness of his kiss. Volts of electricity hummed from his lips straight to my damp, heated center.

He sucked on my bottom lip, biting gently, eliciting another wanton moan. His lips coaxed mine open as he slid his tongue into my mouth, pushing gently against my own as they danced together to the music of our moans. He tasted like the sweet wine we had shared and it was intoxicating.

His hands wandered higher up my back, pulling me tightly to him so that my breasts rubbed deliriously against his defined chest, my nipples stiffening with the heated contact. When I ground instinctively against his arousal, he groaned, lifting me up and wrapping my legs around him. The contact was amazing. He was _so close_ to where I wanted him; to where I so desperately desired to feel him. I closed my eyes, focusing only where our bodies met.

I continued to kiss him passionately as he carried me into the living room, sitting down with me on the couch so that I was straddling him. He wound his fingers into my hair and pulled my head back, disengaging from our kiss so that he could suck and nip at my neck.

"_Ooooooh, Bella."_ His voice was husky with lust.

I lost myself to the leather voice, rocking my hips against him once again, feeling him grow harder beneath me. I leaned into him, pulling his greedy mouth to my skin. Then, I made the mistake of opening my eyes.

Behind the sofa was a wall of family photos. Bree Tanner on graduation day. A professional family portrait. A man pushing toddler Bree on a swing. A photo of the man who was kissing me with his wife and in-laws on their wedding day.

"Edward, stop."

"_Hmmm?"_ He moaned as he continued to attentively lavish my throat with kisses.

I smoothed back his hair, grabbing and pulling just hard enough to guide his head away from my neck. "_Stop_."

The lust induced fog seemed to clear enough for him to register that something was wrong. "What's the matter?"

I'm not even sure if he realized he whimpered as I slid off his lap to sit beside him on the couch. I looked up at the wall, and his gaze followed. "Oh."

I took his hands in mine, pulling them onto my lap. "I know what you told me, and I understand. Really, I do. But doing this here feels wrong. It just feels…_disrespectful_…you know?" My forehead creased.

He sighed. "I understand." He perused the wall of photos, tapping his wedding photo with his finger. "This is just for show, you know?"

"I believe you." And I did, though I wasn't sure I would have if it hadn't been for my unexpected encounter with Mrs. Tanner. I mean, the whole thing _was_ pretty far fetched.

"It's late. We should get to bed. Do you want something to sleep in?"

I really didn't want to sleep in my jeans all night, but I was uncomfortable with the thought of borrowing something that belonged to Bree.

He seemed to read my mind. "Don't worry, I'll get you something of mine." As he wandered off into the bedroom, I called Ali to let her know that we had worked things out and that I was spending the night. Of course, she wanted details, but I told her it was too complex to go into at the moment. Once I promised to divulge the entire juicy story the next time I saw her, she agreed to pick me up for work the next day with a change of clothes. I think she may have been more elated by the turn of events than I was.

Edward came back a moment later and handed me a large shirt and some satin boxers. "You can have the bed and I'll sleep on the couch, if you want."

"I don't want to kick you out of your own bed!" I pouted.

He put his hands on my waist and lazily pulled me close. "Then don't."

"Edward…"

He released me, putting his hands up in surrender. "I'll be a perfect gentleman – I promise."

With the clothes under one arm, I grabbed his hand and led him back to the bedroom I had just seen him come from.

I padded into the bathroom to change. The shirt was comfy, but I had to roll the boxers up a couple of times to keep them from sliding off of my hips. I squeezed some toothpaste onto my finger and scrubbed viciously, just in case he decided to be a little less chivalrous than promised. I brushed my hair and pulled it up into a ponytail, completing the hobo look perfectly.

I carried my folded clothes out of the bathroom and placed them on the dresser beside my purse. Edward was already in bed with the covers pulled up to his waist, _and he was shirtless._

_Dear, sweet Jesus, he was spectacular._

This was doing nothing to help my resolve.

_I can't see his lower half. What's if he's completely naked?_

I was _seriously_ reconsidering my commitment to being respectful.

He pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed in invitation, revealing a sliver of the baby blue pajama bottoms he was wearing.

_How does that not in any way hinder my libido? _I mean, c'mon! Throw me a bone, here!

_Preferably his bone._

You suck.

_I could, if you get him out of those pants!_

Stop it.

_You first._

He quirked a smile. "What are you waiting for? I'm not going to bite."

_Unless you ask him to._

"Nothing." I murmured before making my way across the room and sliding into the bed.

With him less than a foot away from me, I couldn't help but marvel at the chiseled lines of his chest. The smooth skin rippled over his pecks and abs, a light speckling of hair marking the trail to happiness.

He caught me staring. "Does my being half naked bother you?" He still had that self satisfied little grin on his face.

My girly parts were planning a mutiny. I slid further under the covers and curled up on my side with my back to him. "Good night, Edward."

I heard him shuffle as the room went dark and he shifted under the covers. "Good night, Bella."

A moment later I gave in, rolling over and placing my hand on his chest as I rested my head above his heart. His lips ghosted across my forehead as he nuzzled against my hair.

The rise and fall of his chest soothed me and I fell asleep to the rhythmic beat of his heart.

**A/N:** _It was touch and go for a minute there. The Volturi were close on my heels when I found that lime rind and threw it at them. It distracted them long enough for me to get away._

_My Smut Dealer just sent me another threatening text demanding more reviews. I told her I had several wonderful reviews on the way. Don't make me out to be a liar, alright?_


	16. I'll Be Waiting

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I did the rest all by myself (with the help of my ever-loving Beta)_

Warning: _Darn, out of lime again! I'm working on it…_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 2,961 Words_

**CHAPTER 16: I'LL BE WAITING****  
**

"Good morning." Edward's voice was rugged with sleep.

"Good morning." I chirped happily as I focused on scrambling the eggs in the bowl. "Um, I didn't know what you like to eat for breakfast, so I'm just fixing what I found in the fridge." I turned to find a yawning Edward in the doorway with his bed head, his chest gloriously naked and his pants hanging low on his hips, framing the defining lines that angled from his waist down to his groin.

Okay, I admit it, I caught myself gaping. "Dear Lord, Edward, would you _please_ put on a shirt? You're distracting me from making you the best damned breakfast you've ever had."

I spun back to the counter, mixing onions, peppers, cheese and ham into the eggs. Edward snuggled up behind me, resting his warm hands on my hips. "You're making me breakfast?"

He dipped his head to kiss my neck and shoulder. "Um-hm" was the best response I could muster.

"Bella, I think I'd marry you…if I wasn't already married, that is." I jabbed him with my elbow and he chuckled. I loved how carefree it sounded.

Ever since we'd left the lake, I hadn't heard the sorrow and anguish that always seemed to be present before. It was like maybe, in my presence, he could forget about the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. I was thankful if I could do that for him.

He stayed by me as I went about browning the sausage, flipping the omelet and preparing the toast. It all felt blissfully domestic.

"You're good in the kitchen." He complimented while pouring two glasses of orange juice and setting the table.

"I used to cook for my mom and dad all the time." I plated the food and brought it over to the table. "I don't get many opportunities to cook anymore, since I moved in with Ali. I kind of miss it."

Edward took a bite of the eggs and then groaned as if he was approaching climax. "Bella, you can cook for me _anytime!_"

It was amazingly satisfying watching him eat the food I had prepared for him. In fact, I spent so much time simply watching him and smiling that he finished before I'd hardly begun. I cut off a chunk of my omelet and slid it over to his empty plate along with my sausage.

"Are you sure?" He asked out of politeness, eyeing the food appreciatively. He waited for me to nod before he dug in.

Once we had devoured all the food and cleared off the table, Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in languidly. "Thank you for breakfast. It was amazing." He kissed me innocently. "Now, why don't you take a shower and I'll clean up here."

"No, Edward, I can help with the dishes."

He swatted me on the ass. "Get thee to a shower, woman! Out!"

I liked this side of him. He was less intense. Fun.

As I dried off in the bathroom after my shower, I remembered that I had left my clothes on the dresser. I wrapped the towel around me and snuck back into the bedroom only to find Edward pulling out some clothes for himself.

He eyed me lustfully before stalking toward me like a predator towards its prey. I was frozen with anticipation. At the last minute, he stilled and sniffed the air. A strange look crossed his face before he sniffed the air again, then he looked down at me. "No!" he gasped, easing in closer. He buried his face in my wet air, inhaling deeply.

"What's wrong?" He was making me self conscious.

"You smell all wrong. You always smell like lavender and sugar and sunshine and girl."

I smiled at the comparison._ Apparently, he likes the way I smell too._

"And what do I smell like now?"

He breathed in my hair again and backed away, wrinkling his nose. "You smell like me."

I sighed, wrapping my arms around him and snuggling into his warm, naked chest. "Good. That's one of my favorite smells."

He grabbed his clothes from the edge of the bed and scooted around me towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. A second later, he peeked back out.

"What's the matter now?"

"Forgot something – a towel." He caught the edge of my towel and yanked with a face splitting grin, leaving me stark naked. "Thanks!" He called as he disappeared behind the bathroom door with a devilish laugh.

I hated putting on the same clothes after a shower, but it was preferable over borrowing something that belonged to Bree. That would just be too weird when I ran into Mrs. Tanner later.

By the time Edward emerged from the shower, clean shaven once again with a crisp blue button down and grey pleated slacks, I had dried and brushed my hair and applied what little bit of make-up I had in my purse. Without saying a word, he searched through the closet, pulling out a large album.

"Well, mistress, are you ready for me to introduce you to my wife?" He teased.

I looped my arm through his. "No better time than the present."

We sounded light hearted enough, but reality was setting in beneath the surface.

I would never get to hear from Bree Tanner. I would never hear her side of the story in her own words. I could only hope that Edward and her family knew her well enough to express her wishes and sentiments toward me accurately.

She was so important to him. Had things been different, I knew that her opinion would have been vital to our happiness. In fact, she would probably be the person I would have had to impress to truly win Edward's heart.

Now, we would never know if she approved. And I would always wonder.

Mrs. Tanner was bustling around the room when we got there, tidying up. She looked surprised when she first saw me and I began worrying that I was intruding. Simultaneously, her face softened into a warm, friendly smile, easing my fears.

"Hello, Bella." Her words were pure, kind sweetness.

I gave her my most brilliant smile. "Good morning, Mrs. Tanner."

She almost looked as if she wanted to hug me, but resisted. "Call me Renee. I'm glad you came back."

"Me too."

Edward slipped around me, moving toward her swiftly with a tight embrace. "G'morning mom. Thanks for giving me the night off."

"Edward, I'm her mother. It was hardly a favor for you." She patted his cheek before turning her attention toward me. "Thanks for getting him out of here. He never let's Phil and I have any private time with our daughter anymore. Some husbands can be so smothering, you know?" She winked, welcoming me into their little secret.

"I know. A bit clingy, isn't he?" I teased back, glad to be on the other side of the curtain of lies.

"Yeah, I would say so. Maybe you can do something about that? Get him out of here so his wife can finally get some rest every now and then."

I smiled up at Edward. "I'll see what I can do."

"Where is Mr. Tanner? Didn't he stay here with you?" I asked, wondering if I would meet the kind looking man in the pictures.

"Oh, you can call him Phil. 'Mr. Tanner' makes him feel as old as he is. He left for work about an hour ago." She glanced at the album under Edward's arm. "What's that?"

Remembering the book that he was clutching, he placed it gingerly on the bed near Bree's feet. "It's Bree's photo album. I wanted to find out if she'd let me show it to Bella."

He walked around to the far side of the bed, taking Bree's tiny hand in his. He smoothed her hair and kissed her innocently on the forehead. "Good morning, sweetie. I wanted you to meet somebody." He gestured for me to come closer towards the head of the bed. I looked at Renee and she gave me a reassuring nod.

I stepped up to the railing near her shoulders, still feeling uncertain.

"Bree, this is my friend Bella. _You know_, the one I was telling you about. From that band you like? Yeah, well," he leaned down to her ear and whispered, "don't repeat anything I told you. I'm trying to play it cool with her." He cast a sideways glance at me, a smirk playing on his lips.

_My life is so freaking surreal._

I gently slid my fingers beneath hers, taking her frigid hand in mine. With the eagerness of Edward's smile, I played along. "Hi Bree. We were never officially introduced the other day. It's nice to meet you."

Renee stepped up behind me, pointing around my shoulder towards the monitors. "See her oxygen levels? That's a good sign. It means that she breathes in more deeply when she hears your voice. I told you she liked you." She squeezed my shoulder and stepped away.

"Well, kids, if you don't mind, I'm going to go home, freshen up and get a bite to eat. I'll be back in a little while." She quickly leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and then made her way around to the other side of the bed to pull Edward's face down to hers and peck him on the cheek. She picked up a couple of things and a moment later, breezed out the door.

"Look what I got?" Edward lifted the photo album from the foot of Bree's bed and held it up, as if to show her. "I haven't looked at it for a while and thought it might be good for Bella to see what goofs we used to be. Do you have any objections?"

He waited for a minute, staring at her eyelids, her chest, her hands and finally, her monitor. "I didn't think you would. Hold on a minute."

He laid her hand gently by her side and came around to my side of the bed. He angled the chair behind my knees and I released her hand so that I could sit. "It seems to help warm her up when we hold her hand. I'll be holding the album, so I won't be able to. Do you mind?"

Strangely enough, I didn't. I used to shy away from public displays of affection. I took after my dad that way. But, after enough years with my over demonstrative gang of friends, I realized that I had become comfortable with it. I was beginning to feel a kindred connection with Bree, so it was particularly easy to hold her hand in mine as Edward smiled and perched beside her on the bed.

We spent the next three hours looking through the pages, every other picture bringing up some new memory. The album spanned the nearly seventeen years they had known each other. While Edward and her parents made the arrangements for the wedding, Bree had been home, sick and unable to help in any way. Instead, she used the time to make this album for him as a wedding gift.

Looking at it, I couldn't help but wonder how I would have felt in her situation. Helpless. Hopeless. Her fate entirely out of her control. Counting on her best friend and parents to make a sacrifice to get her the medical treatment she needed, all the while knowing that it wouldn't be enough. Facing the fact that the odds she would survive the year were slim to none.

I think the book meant more than they knew. I think these photos were her homage to a wonderful life. She was spelling out her gratitude in the pictures of their happy, ever-changing faces. She was silently asking _No matter what happens next; remember me this way._

I couldn't help but feel honored to have met the silent woman in the hospital bed – to know her story. I mentally promised that I would always remember it.

Edward laughed and joked, animatedly recalling the tales of their different adventures together. We both spoke to Bree, always including her in the conversation. Edward usually found a way to translate the silence on her behalf.

We were laughing boisterously when Renee returned around three with pop, sandwiches and chips.

"What's so funny?" She eased into the room with a grin.

"Remember that time when Bree and I were playing hide and go seek, and I got bored?" Edward asked, his laughter leaving him gasping for air.

Her face lit up. "So you decided to just give up and go home to make a sandwich…"

"…and you thought that Bree went with me!"

Renee turned to me, the apples of her cheeks bunching up under her eyes. "I found my daughter an hour later, fast asleep in the clothes dryer."

A little part of me, some shadowy figure in the recesses of my brain, told me that I should feel out of place. I should be freaking out because there was nothing ordinary about the situation I was in. But it all felt too natural for me to question it; just like more puzzle pieces falling into place.

Renee entertained us for the next hour with stories of her own – stories that even Edward was too young to remember. Sometimes, the nurses would hear us laughing and come in to say hi and ask what was so funny. Other times, they would come in to check Bree's vitals or draw blood for labs and would end up staying just to hear how the story ended.

My day at the hospital with Bree was surprisingly punctuated with laughter, smiles, jokes and sarcasm – not at all what I had expected.

When Ali buzzed me to let me know that she was waiting downstairs, Mrs. Tanner couldn't resist wrapping me up into a warm embrace. She pulled back, placing her hands on either side of my cheeks. "Thank you so much for coming, Bella. I can't remember the last time we all laughed so much. Look, even Bree has some color in her cheeks." It was true. Although she was otherwise identical to the way she looked this morning, there was just a slight hint of blush on her skin. It warmed me.

Edward walked me out, always staying close by my side. That magnetism was always there, pulling me towards him. The closer he was, the more my skin ached for him. I could see he felt the same in the way that his fingers would twitch toward mine, eager to reach out and just hold my hand.

But, as far as these people were concerned, he was a married man and I was just a friend. So he walked along side me, close, but irritatingly beyond my reach.

We paused beyond the hospital doors in a particularly shadowy corner.

"I've missed you today." He whispered.

"I've spent the entire day with you, silly." I giggled, still riding the euphoric high from our delightful afternoon.

"I know but," a breeze swept over us, blowing my hair into my face. He reached up tentatively to push it back behind my ear. "I've missed _this._" He dropped his hand quickly to his side and took a step back. "Is it as difficult for you?" His forehead creased with worry, wanting me to confirm what I was feeling.

My chest clenched as I sighed. "Incredibly."

He let out the breath he had been holding and placed his hand at base of my spine, guiding me away from the shadows and out towards Alice's car. That simple touch felt wonderful, and I assumed it looked innocent enough.

"You've been amazing today. I mean, what kind of guy takes a girl to the hospital to visit his comatose wife for their first date? And yet, you still manage to make it incredibly enjoyable while concurrently winning over my in-law! I've never met anyone like you before."

I smiled at him, temporarily speechless.

He opened the passenger side door for me when we reached Ali's car. "Can I drive you home tonight?" I was surprised by how hopeful he sounded.

As I slipped into the car, Al leaned over so that she could talk past me to Edward. "Um, I don't think that's a good idea, Edward. I mean, you've offered her a ride home three times now, and she hasn't _made_ it home once. Not necessarily a spotless track record there, buddy?" She twittered, amused by her own wit.

"Don't worry about her, Edward. She's just worried that I might replace her as my chauffeur. It's a position highly in demand. Apparently, I pay well."

He cracked that crooked smile that always made my heart do cartwheels. "So, what do you say? I'll pick you up after work?"

I shook my head, ignoring the disappointment on his face. "It's too far from the hospital. If they need you here, I don't want to be the one standing in the way." He pouted, but nodded his head in understanding.

Some of the sorrow and worry and sadness crept back into his eyes, the weight of reality setting back in with our separation. "When will I see you again?"

I wasn't sure. I knew I couldn't stand to be away from him for long, but I also didn't want to rush things any more than we already had. I needed some time away, some time with my friends to clear my head and sort things out logically. "I'll call you after my shift." It was the only promise I felt confident I could keep.

He stepped back and gave me a sad smile. "I'll be waiting."

**A/N:**_ Awww, that was sweet, was it not? Dumpster diving once again for more citrusy goodness…please review and wish me luck._


	17. In My Dreams

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. My Beta talked me through the rest of this jibberish, cuz she rocks like that._

Warning: _Prepare for lemon-lime goodness!_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 2,630 Words_

**CHAPTER 17: IN MY DREAMS**

When Ali and I got home from work, we invited Rosalie and Felix over for a girl's night in. We didn't usually include Felix in our girl's nights, which was something he appreciated. However, I knew that he would want to know all of the juicy details about what happened with Edward, and I didn't want to have to relive the ordeal twice.

We all sat on the floor surrounding a coffee table littered with candy bar wrappers, potato chip bags and empty cans of pop. We were currently working on finishing off a pint of Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream – a sarcastic reference to my complicated romantic situation.

Al was ecstatic that we had managed to talk it out. Felix was happiest with the possibility of the numerous orgasms I was sure to reap. Rosalie, on the other hand, was worried. Unlike the other two who liked Edward based on intuition, Rosie was not predisposed to feel one way or another towards him. Instead, she relied on the very little she knew about him – and that left her concerned.

Looking at things through her eyes, it was easy to understand her reservations.

Although he never lied to or misled me about being married, she didn't appreciate the fact that he never addressed it until I confronted him. She didn't like me getting mixed up in the baggage that came along with Edward – insurance fraud, in-laws, dying best friend. Rosie worried that this was not the right time for me to be getting involved with him as there was unlimited heartbreak on the horizon. The fact that being together meant that we would have to sneak around didn't make the situation any more appealing to her. There would be no romantic cards or bouquets of roses. Our interactions would constantly be tainted with the fear that we might say or do something to destroy the ruse of the marriage.

Despite all of these concerns, the one thing that disturbed Rosalie the most was the inexplicable hold that Edward Cullen had over me. She recalled the way I had hyperventilated the very first time I saw him and all the many ways I had lost control since then. She worried that in giving myself over to Edward, I might give up my very sense of self-preservation.

She highlighted the fact that I had indulged in a long string of one-night stands without any emotional repercussions, only to fall apart after one sexual experience with _him_. I could see in the eyes of my friends how much it had pained them to watch me crumble. I could see them fear what would become of me the next time he hurt me if I let myself become too involved.

It was a logical point, and it scared me because even as she was saying it, I knew it didn't matter. I knew I was going back to Edward, regardless of the potential heartache ahead.

Just as I had seen the worry and fear in her eyes, she had seen the resolution in mine. So with her convictions laid out before me, she sighed, wished me the best of luck and promised to be there again next time to pick up the drunken pieces.

With that, we cleaned up the ruins of our junk food empire and said our goodnights. Ali helped me see Ro and Felix to the door before shuffling off to her bedroom to call Jazz.

It felt good to hop in the shower and busy myself with my familiar, nighttime routine. However, the relief of the hot, pulsing jets of water on my tired muscles was short lived.

I had called Edward after work to let him know we were planning a girl's night. Bree was still stable so Phil and Renee had gone home for the night. Edward had been dozing off and on since they left, so he asked me to text him before bed, just in case he was still awake and bored out of his mind.

Remembering that he was waiting for my call, I couldn't get out of the shower fast enough. I towel dried hastily, threw on a robe and jumped into the middle of the bed, cell phone in hand.

"Girls left. You awake?"

"Have fun?" His response was immediate.

"We had a lot to talk about."

"I bet. ;-) Anything about me?"

"What makes you think we'd talk about you?"

"Why wouldn't you? I'm awesome." I laughed at loud, but still changed the subject quickly.

"How's Bree?"

"Peaceful."

"How are you?"

"Antsy."

"Why?"

Our rapid-fire, instantaneous texting stopped abruptly. I wondered what was going on, worried that something had happened to Bree. Before I could get too panicked, my phone chirped with his response.

I gasped when I read it.

Nothing was wrong with Bree. He had paused because he was struggling for words, searching for a way to tell me how he was feeling without saying anything compromising.

He had settled for the one word he knew I would understand.

"Release."

Goosebumps prickled along my skin as I hurriedly dialed his number.

"Bella?"

"Are you alone?"

His voice was husky. "No."

"Can you be?" I tempted.

He gulped. "I'll call you right back."

He hung up without pause.

I had never had phone sex before. The only person I would have had the opportunity to try with was James, and he didn't have the creativity or patience for something like that. _No, not my minute man._

_I haven't even tried to talk dirty before!_

Can that be right?

I thought back to the few men I had screwed during Project Orgasm. _They'd screw me, get off, I'd get pissed and kick them out._

Nope, no dirty talk. Not even once.

Ali and Jasper had phone sex all the time, especially when they were kept apart for any number of hours. It couldn't be _that_ difficult, could it?

But what if I wasn't any good? What if he was disappointed? I thought back to the way he had talked to me last Tuesday; how his words had coursed through my body, heightening my senses, bringing me right to the edge.

_Hell, if I hadn't been so scared of my impending orgasm that night, just the sound of his leather voice could have made me climax!_

I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but I wanted to try. _For Edward._

Fuck that! The way I'm aching right now, I want to try _for me!_

I jumped when my phone rang. I took a deep, steadying breath before I answered.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Okay, well, that was a _great_ start.

"Where are you?" I asked, wanting to imagine him.

"I came out to the car. Where are you?"

"In my bed."

"Hmmm…what does it look like?"

"Well, it's a wrought iron, four poster bed with scroll work. I'm lying on top of a thick, luxurious, white downy comforter with my hair fanned out over the pillows." I tried to make it sound sensual, but it felt more like a lame commercial for bedding.

"What are you wearing?"

_Oh, wow. So people really do say that, huh? I always thought it was some cheesy stereotype._

"Well, I'm just wearing a robe, but it's not very comfortable. You see, I sort of rushed out of the shower to call you, so it keeps clinging to my wet skin." I teased in my best sex kitten voice.

_Wow, I really suck at this. Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead._

"Well then, maybe you should just slip your robe off." He crooned.

_Damn, he is so much better at this! Then again, it helps that he has that Sex God voice._

"Mmmmm" I purred as I pulled the robe open, exposing my damp body to the cool air in the room. "Much better."

I felt stupid. Everything I did just sounded so contrived.

I didn't want to reenact some lame 1970's porno – I wanted something real. Even if he was over an hour away. I had no idea what to do next.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I want to do this...I'm trying. But I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"It's okay Bella. You don't have to try. Just take a deep breath and relax." I did as he instructed.

"Remember the last time? Run your hands through your hair for me. I love your long, silky, mahogany hair. I loved the way it poured over your delicate shoulders when I held you in front of that mirror, making you scream my name. Do you remember?"

"Yes." I exhaled.

"Good, now move your hands down your body so that you can trace the swell of your breasts. You're tits are so beautiful. So round and firm, with glorious peaks stiffening, reaching out for my touch. Do you want me to touch you, Bella?" I loved the way my name sounded on his tongue. The way his lips curved around it, caressing it like a promise.

"_Yes_. I want you to feel your lips on me. I want to feel your hot, sweet breath on my skin as you take my nipples into your mouth."

He moaned. "I'm pinching your nipple between my teeth, flicking my tongue across it. Do you like that?"

I pinched and pulled on my nipples, recreating the sensations he was describing, sending volts of electricity directly to my aching center.

I moaned appreciatively before painting my own picture in response. "I want to run my hands over your chest. Feel the smooth softness of your skin over the marbled muscle beneath. I want to feel your flesh heating beneath my touch as I scrape my nails over your abdomen. Does that feel good?" I cooed, feeling a little more confident in my performance now.

"_Soo goood."_

"I'm running my hand up your strong thighs, just barely whispering my fingers over your bulging crotch. Tell me what you want, Edward. Tell me what to do next."

He groaned, his voice so low and rough that I could barely hear him. "Touch me."

I gave into a self-satisfying smile. _It was working!_

"What Edward?" I played innocent, as if I couldn't hear him.

"I want you to touch me." He raised his voice only slightly, urgent need reducing it to gravel.

"I can't hear you Edward."

"I want you to touch me, Bella. Put your tiny little hands on my cock." He growled at me.

I moaned with delight. "Edward…_my God…_you're so…_hard._" In truth, I had no idea what Edward's cock looked like, though I'd imagined it enough in the weeks since we first met. Until I had the chance to confirm anything, _which I really hoped was soon_, I figured I might just as well stick to all the things I knew men wanted to hear.

It seemed to be working for him. "It's because of you, baby. This is what you do me. You turn me into a fucking animal."

_I think I may have just had a little mini orgasm._ My thighs were beginning to tremble.

"I want to see your glorious cock, Edward. Pull it out for me. Let me wrap my hand around it." I could hear shuffling in the background. "Is it out?"

"Yes." His voice was back to the strained whisper.

I closed my eyes, drawing on the image I had perfected in my fantasies. "It's beautiful. You're fucking magnificent, Edward. It makes my mouth water just thinking about you." He groaned. "So long and thick. So fucking _big._ I'm circling my finger around your swollen head, sliding along the slit. I'm drawing my finger down along your shaft, around the base, tickling up along the sensitive flesh underneath."

"God, Bella. Don't stop. It feels so good."

My own aching need was becoming unbearable. "Touch me, Edward. I need to feel you."

"I'm sliding my hand over the soft skin of your stomach. I run my hands down your thighs, my thumbs caressing the warmth between them as I shower kisses along your skin. I'm parting your knees looking at the paradise you have waiting for me. Are you wet for me, Bella?"

"God yes…_so wet_…" I could barely recognize my strained voice.

"You are so beautiful. So pink and hot and moist and inviting. I can smell the intoxicating aroma of your sex. I can feel your desire filling the room, burning my lungs with need. I'm lowering my head to the inside of your knee, trailing my lips up your inner thigh."

"Edward, your lips are so wonderful. I want them Edward."

"I'm massaging the sensitive flesh of your inner thigh with my tongue, Bella. What do you want? Tell me what you want?"

"Higher, Edward. I want your mouth on my pussy. I want to feel your tongue dancing in and out of my dripping center."

I lowered my hands between my legs spreading my folds and caressing my clit while my other hand dipped into my tight slickness.

"You taste like heaven, baby. Like sugar and honey and ripe fruit. _You taste divine._ I can't get enough of you." I licked my lips.

"Kiss me, Edward. I want to taste myself on your tongue."

"Yes Bella. Kiss my lips clean while I suck on your beautiful, pouty lip."

"I want you. I want you inside of me _sooo bad._" I crooned. "I can feel your hot, throbbing, cock deep inside of me."

"You're so tight, Bella. I can feel you, your wet heat pulsing around me. You feel so good. It's like heaven."

My fingers thrust in and out of me as my mind conjured Edward's muscular, defined body on top of mine, pounding furiously. "Don't stop! My God! _Soooooo good!"_

Edward was grunting on the other end of the line. I could barely make out the sound of his rhythmic stroking. "Bella! You're incredible! I can't get enough!"

"_Deeper, Edward_! I need you so deep inside of me!"

"_Ungh! Yes! _So fucking wet for me…"

"_You're so big! I can feel you filling me! Fuck me harder! Faster!"_

I could hear his breathing quicken as he stroked furiously.

"_Yes Bella! I'm gonna cum, baby! Cum with me."_

"_Make me cum, Edward."_ My fingers delved deep within me, the walls of my pussy clenching euphorically as I found the spot that Edward had once touched.

"_Ungh! Yes, Bella! Yes!" _He shouted, lost in his climax. My body arched off the bed, all of my muscles contracting in unison, white flowers blooming behind my closed eyelids.

We soared together this time, miles apart in the same vast heaven, floating peacefully satisfied back down to earth. We lay there in silence for a few minutes, the only sound our labored breathing.

"That was amazing." We both said, tripping over one another and then laughing.

"Thank you." He added humbly, his voice returning to its velvety smoothness.

"The pleasure was all mine." I replied, feeling pretty smug for my first time.

"Oh, not this time around, Bella." He chuckled sleepily. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

I was once again weary of making any commitments. "I'll call you in the morning." I could hear his disappointment as he exhaled, so I amended it, "I might need at least twenty four hours to recover from my second mind-blowing orgasm. This is still pretty new for me, you know."

He laughed and it lightened the mood. "Well, get well soon because I'm already anxious to share number three." My insatiable body shivered with excitement.

"Think you'll be able to sleep now?"

"Bella, you might have discovered the cure for insomnia." He chuckled.

"Get some sleep and I'll text you when I wake up." I ordered.

"Okay. See you in my dreams." He promised.

"And I'll see you in mine."

**A/N:**_ The Volturi caught up to me, but this little scene got us all worked up that we're sitting on the sidewalk together, trying to catch our breath! Hit that little review button below and tell me if it was as good for you as it was for us!_


	18. With You

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. My Beta and I didn't necessarily see eye-to-eye on this scene, so this one's all on me. "Unchained Melody", "I'll Make Love To You" and "Cotton Eyed Joe" all copyright of their respective owners._

Warning: _Just a whisper of lime for your enjoyment…_

Approx: _12 Pages/__ 5,361 Words_

**CHAPTER 18: WITH YOU**

"Good Morning." I texted him as promised.

It took him a few minutes to reply. "Good Morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Definitely. You?

"Best sleep EVER!" A smile flirted on my lips as I remembered our very intimate call.

"Have you eaten breakfast yet?"

"Not yet. Just woke up."

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes, but hospital food doesn't compare to yours."

"Well then, turn around."

He turned to find me standing in the doorway of Bree's hospital room holding a picnic basket. I greeted him with a little wave and a smile.

His responding smile was glorious. Green eyes were still half mast from sleep and his hair was a riot.

My heart did the samba. It was getting rather athletic lately.

"You brought me food?" He sounded as if he was asking if I had brought the Holy Grail.

"Correction: For one, it is not just _any_ food, it is food that I woke up early and prepared. Secondly, it is not _just_ for you. I've put enough in there for Renee and Phil too." I put the basket down on the table and lifted the lid to show him what I'd brought. "There's French toast for breakfast, chicken noodle soup and Caesar salads for lunch, and chicken Alfredo with broccoli for dinner. Plus, if you dig down real deep in my basket-o-tricks, you might find some of my famous chewy, chocolate chip cookies to snack on." He leapt from the chair, wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me fiercely, lifting and rocking me back and forth. His happiness made me giddy, until I remembered.

I whispered in his ear. "Edward, I'm glad you like it but you need to put me down."

He stiffened as he realized the mistake he had just made and quickly lowered me.

"Sorry, I just really appreciate you bringing food for me and the family. You're the first friend to go out of your way like that." He raised his voice moderately. I thought it was odd at first, until I realized he was saying it loud enough for other people to hear, to try to cover our tracks.

I punched him on the shoulder. "Hell, that's what friends are for! Now move out of my way so I can say hi to Bree…" I shoved past him into the room. He closed the door partially to give us some privacy, without looking suspicious.

I was a careful, reserved person. It usually took me a while to warm up to people. However, I belonged with Edward and the Tanners. It felt like a very natural thing. I knew it in the instant connection I felt with Edward – that first, overwhelming feeling that had sent me into hysterics. I knew it the moment I met Bree, when I wanted nothing more than to give her something to make it better. I knew it when I sat down for that first conversation with Mrs. Tanner, and how her words had stuck with me, convincing me to hear Edward out.

So, as I walked up beside Bree's bedside for only the third time, I had no reservations about pulling my chair closer and taking her dainty, cold hand in mine. And while Edward pulled out a container of French toast, I brushed her hair back from her face and applied Chapstick to her chapped, dry lips without hesitation. No matter how odd the circumstances, our lives had become intertwined.

Edward bit into the French toast and began moaning like he was approaching orgasm. I shushed him, worrying what people would think if they heard him making noises like that with me in the room.

_Plus, those noises were working my girly parts into a frenzy!_

"You should call Renee to let her know you brought this. She usually eats at home or picks something up, and it would be a pity for this to go to waste."

"Like you wouldn't eat whatever was left behind." I teased.

"Hm, good point."

"I don't have her number."

He recited it by memory as I dialed.

"Hi Renee, this is Edward's friend Bella."

"Oh! Hi Bella. Is everything okay?" Of course she sounded worried. I shouldn't be calling her, much less have her number.

"Everything is fine. Edward thought that you might grab a bite to eat before you came to the hospital and he wanted me to stop you. You see, I sort of packed some food for you all today."

"You did what?" She sounded like she was on the brink of tears.

I spluttered, not wanting to offend or upset her. "Oh, I'm sorry! If you had something else planned then don't worry about it. I just-"

"No, honey! That is just the sweetest thing! I can't believe you even thought to do something like that for us." Renee blubbered.

Having swallowed the large chunk of food in his mouth, Edward snatched my phone. "Renee, she cooked for us! Breakfast, lunch _and_ dinner. Can you believe it? There's a picnic basket and silverware and cookies and everything!"

He listened for a moment and gazed over at me - a new, unidentified emotion sparkling in his eyes. "I know. Pretty spectacular, right?" I blushed at the sight of my favorite, crooked smile.

"I mean, you _have _to try this stuff. It's the best we've eaten in months!"

Although he continued smiling, his face hardened slightly as his eyes wandered over to Bree. "Nothing to report. No changes."

A moment later, "I know. Me too, Renee….Well, hurry up and get here. You're French toast is getting cold." His spirits picked back up as he teased her. "See you soon."

Renee arrived a half an hour later. Bree's nurse was kind enough to warm her French toast up in the microwave for her, and Renee made a dramatic demonstration of how good she thought it was.

If yesterday had been dedicated to getting to know Edward and the Tanner Family more thoroughly, today was about me. They asked me about my harebrained mother. I told them about life in Florida and all of her wacky schemes.

_Guess that's where I get my wacky projects from. _

_I'd never thought of that before._

They asked me about my reserved father. I went on about spending the summers in Washington with him and our regular fishing trips on the Quileute rez. They were interested in learning more about the reservation and the people I'd met there. Inevitably, that led to the part where I left my friends behind for James.

And _that_ opened a whole new line of questioning.

So the day went – them eating or snacking on my basket of goodies while I responded to their questions, unraveling the details of my life.

It was a little more difficult for us to include Bree in the conversation this time around, since none of the discussion directly involved her. We tried at first, but then we all found it too awkward to continue.

Ironically, it was awkward _not_ to include her as well.

_Like not addressing the terminally ill elephant in the room._

There was laughter from time to time, but the day was undeniably more intense than the day before. By four o'clock, I was exhausted from the strain of recalling all the highs and lows of my existence and needed to get ready to leave for my shift.

Renee embraced me tightly as I stood to go, thanking me for being such an open, thoughtful, generous person. I couldn't find any decent words in response, so I just hugged her tighter and thanked her.

Edward walked me down to the parking lot, eyeing my truck for the first time. "Are you serious? You drove this all the way up from Forks?"

"Hey!" I said defensively. "Don't knock the truck!" He opened the door and I climbed up into the cab.

"This isn't a truck, Bella. This is a time machine. Don't try to speed in it or it will suck you into a vortex that will transport you back to 1958 and I'll never see you again!"

I slugged him playfully and his gaze intensified - his voice low.

"Is it strange that I'm thankful for the two times you've punched me today? I'm so starved to hold you…to touch you…I'm taking whatever I can get, here." My breasts heaved as I inhaled deeply, the nearness of him filling my lungs with his musk. "Maybe we can do something different tomorrow. Maybe we can get out of here and just do something."

I shook my head sadly. "I can't see you tomorrow." I hated the crushed look on his face. "I practice with the band on Wednesdays until it's time for work."

He struggled for a minute. He bowed his head and, without looking at me, whispered "Do you _have_ to go to practice?"

_Was he actually begging me to come back tomorrow?_ His desperation made my heart ache for him. I tilted his chin up, quickly dropping my hand before anyone could see. I needed him to look into my eyes and see what I was feeling. "We have to rehearse before the weekend, Edward. And, as it's been so far, I've hardly spent any time with my friends since last week. I know you're not James. You're nothing like him. But I still don't want to be that girl who gives up everything for a guy. I'm just starting to remember who I was. Whatever this is between us, I don't want to lose myself again."

He appeared contrite. "I'm sorry. You're right, I'm being selfish. I just can't stand the thought of not seeing you." His fingertips lightly brushed against mine on the seat; a lingering, innocent touch where no one else could see.

I looked down on the seat, where our fingertips ghosted against one another. "I know what you mean."

"Will you call me when you get out of work?

"Of course."

We stared at each other, fighting the insane gravitational pull that we couldn't afford to respond to in public. He told me to have a good night at work and closed the heavy door, severing the intense connection we were battling. He backed up a couple of feet and watched in misery as I drove away.

Around closing time, Felix started acting unusual. He kept glancing sideways at me with this huge grin on his face. When I offered to stay behind to lock up, he insisted on doing it instead, hurrying me to get my things and get out. I put my hands on my hips, planted my feet and looked up at the giant kid.

"Okay Felix, spill it!"

His eyes shot wide open. "What? I have no idea what you're talking about?" The man was never going to win an academy award.

He folded his massive arms across his broad chest, mimicking my determination. "I'm not talking. You can't make me. So….you might as well give up, get your shit and get out."

I lunged for his nipple. It was the ogre's weakest point. One twist and I knew I'd get the answers I was seeking. However, he caught the glint in my eye a split second before I moved. He put his palm against my forehead and held me at arm's length.

"Resistance is futile my vertically challenged little friend!" He mocked as I flailed my arms, struggling to reach towards him.

I finally relaxed and settled on glaring at him. He left his arm up a moment longer, waiting to see if I was planning a sneak attack. I sighed and mumbled "Fine, I won't bother you about it anymore tonight."

The moment he dropped his guard, I lunged, pinpointing his nipple underneath his polo like a freaking heat-seeking missile. I pinched and twisted, bringing the big guy down to eye level. "But I _will_ find out what the hell is going on, Fifi. Don't you doubt that one second!" With that, I released him and stormed off to get my purse, leaving the big guy whimpering in my wake. "Why are you little women so freaking abusive! Big guys have feelings too, ya know! If you cut me, do I not bleed? If you…" his voice faded out as I entered the back room.

Once I had pushed my apron and notepad into my locker, I pulled my phone out to text Edward. "Getting out of work now."

"Good night?"

"Yeah, except Felix is acting weird."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll call you when I get on the road." I stepped out of the club into the crisp night air.

A velvet voice carried on the breeze. "I can't wait that long."

Edward was sitting on the tailgate of my truck in tight blue jeans that clung to his muscular thighs, flowing smoothly down his long legs. His white button-up was untucked, with the sleeves rolled casually up to his elbows. He wore a brown plaid, satin tie. It appeared as if he accidentally ran his fingers through his hair at least a couple of times since he last tried to tame it.

In other words, he looked like the catholic school boy who smoked while looking at porn behind the lunch room.

He cocked that crooked grin as he stood up from the tailgate, his arms opened wide. I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, absorbing the warm sweetness of his embrace.

"Do you have any plans right now?" He nuzzled into the hair that flowed over my ear.

"Nothing in particular." He placed me back on my feet. "What do you have in mind?"

"I'm taking you on a date." He looked excited and nervous and confident, all at the same time.

"Edward, where can we possibly go?" Aside from the limited privacy we had here in front of the bar in the middle of the night, there was no where we could go where we could be together without having to worry about getting caught.

"First, I'm taking you for dessert-"

"Dessert?" I interjected.

He looked worried. "Well, yeah. I figured you would have eaten by now and, well, of course, I ate the world's most delicious Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo ever for my dinner. But, if you haven't eaten…"

"Oh, no, I ate. I was just curious." He glared at me; whether it was for interrupting or making him nervous, I'm not sure.

"So, as I was saying, first, I'm taking you for dessert and then we're going dancing."

"And where do you suggest we go dancing this time of night?"

He grinned at me cockily and extended his hand. "Oh, I know just the place. Now, if you'd kindly give me the keys to your truck…"

"What for?" I was utterly confused by the workings of his mind.

"Because you said you loved this truck and I want to find out what it is that you love so much about it." His palm was still out expectantly.

I deliberated for a second before slowly raising my hand and dropping the keys into his palm with a suspicious sideways glance. He pushed the tailgate closed and swaggered around to the passenger side to unlock and open the door. "Ladies first-"

I slid in, still giving him that wary sideways glance. He grabbed the seatbelt and pulled it out before reaching across my lap to buckle me in.

_This should be the video that Driver's Ed classes use to promote seatbelt safety: Edward Sex-God Cullen, sensually sliding his strong, elegant hand across your lap, leaning in seductively close with his euphoric lips and heavenly breath as he presses down against your hip to push the buckle into place._

_Dear God in Heaven!_

He held his position, his chest barely grazing mine, his face only an inch away from kissing me.

"You don't look so suspicious anymore, Bella. Does that mean you're going to stop being so complicated and let me do this my way?"

Part of me wanted to put up a fight, just so he didn't get too cocky about the hold he had on me, but my girly parts were binding and gagging that part of me like a hog at a rodeo.

"Um-Hm."

He ghosted his lips over my mouth, across my cheek towards my ear. "Good girl."

He took a step back and loosened his tie.

_Why is it that a man becomes infinitely hotter when he loosens his tie? What the hell is that about?_

He slid his tie over his head, ruffling his bronze mane. As I watched, enthralled by his dexterity, he undid the knot so that it was now one long, satiny piece of fabric. He leaned back in, his breath foggy against my ear. "Now, Bella. I want this to be a surprise, so I'm going to blindfold you. No peeking."

The satin was cold and smooth against my eyes. He tied it firmly enough that I could not possibly see over or under it, but not tight enough to cause pain. I jumped when he pushed the heavy door closed and jumped again we he pulled the driver's side open a moment later. I could feel the truck shift as he stepped up on the running board and pulled the solid door closed. A moment later, I heard the familiar rumbling of her engine and the distinct rocking motion as her tires roamed over the road.

I didn't think it was possible for my body to be any more aware of him than I already was, but without my sight, I found my other senses even more highly tuned to him. I could feel the electricity pulsing between our bodies and smell the addictive musk that followed him into the cab. If given the choice to breathe oxygen or Edward's scent for all of eternity, I would assuredly choose Edward. Past the rumbling of the engine and the turning of the tires, I could very easily make out the sound of him breathing. I zeroed in on that, trying to match my breaths to his to help pass my time in the darkness.

But, worst of all, I could taste his salty skin. I could taste his lips and his tongue. I thought of every part of him I had already laid my lips on and all the parts I still wanted to.

_And I could suddenly taste them all._

I scooted over closer to him, reaching my hand out tentatively until my fingers grazed the side of his leg. I traced them innocently until I could rest my palm on top of his thigh. He tensed slightly under my touch, but there was no other difference. I edged my fingers toward his inseam and his breathing changed subtly. I continued my blind exploration until my fingertips tickled along the growing hardness between his legs. He moved instinctually, pushing himself towards my touch. I slid my hand up so that I was fully palming his erection. He gasped at the contact.

I pushed my hand down his length, curling my fingers around it as best as I could through the tough denim, before pulling my hand back up and squeezing the base. _"Bella…"_ He breathed.

He grew harder as I pushed down his length a little firmer, circling my fingers near the head of his cock before once again pulling back up to squeeze. I could hear my truck groan as he started to pick up speed. My thighs tightened as the moisture began to seep into my panties.

On my next downward stroke, Edward groaned and pushed up into my hand. At the same time, the truck lurched forward and his hand stilled mine.

His voice was strained leather once again. "Bella, as good as that feels, I suggest you stop for our safety and the well being of your precious truck."

I pouted petulantly and attempted to pull my hand away, but he laced his fingers with mine, securing our hands on his lap. It wasn't necessarily what I had in mind, but it was a wonderful alternative.

The terrain grew a little rougher before we finally stilled and he cut the engine. He slid across the truck bench so that I could feel the side of his body against mine. He pressed his lips close to my ear again, going for the seductive whisper that had been working so well for him tonight. "You've been a very good girl, Bella." He pushed our hands against the receding bulge in his crotch. "Well, for the most part anyway." I giggled. "But I need you to be patient just a few more minutes for me. Will you do that?"

"What's in it for me?" I asked, fighting off the urge to melt into a gooey puddle.

"_Everything._" He licked my earlobe, pulling it in between his lips and sucking gently.

I shivered in delight and nodded my agreement.

I waited as he slid out, a cool breeze blowing into the cab in his absence. Without him beside me, the blindness was stifling and time crawled. I felt the truck shift a few times, as if he was climbing around in the bed.

_What the fuck was this man doing, aside from driving me insane with want and confusion?_

A millennia later, the passenger door groaned open and I could feel the electric hum of Edward by my side. His body pressed against mine as he released my seatbelt. Without warning, he lifted me out of the truck, kicking the door closed behind him with a loud bang. We walked a few steps before he set me on my feet, steadying me until I caught my balance. He stepped so close behind me that I could feel his body heat lingering on my skin. His fingers caught in my hair as he worked the knot, slowly pulling the smooth satin away from my face. "Open your eyes, Bella."

The bed of my truck was filled with thick blankets and pillows. Small votive candles and red rose petals lined the sides of the bed and along the back of the cab. The romantic scene over looked the lake from the other night.

His arms wound around my waist as he rested his head on my shoulder. "It's not much, I know, but given the circumstances, it was the best I could put together on short notice." He spun me around in his arms so that I was facing him. "You deserve more Bella. I'm…I'm working on that." Sadness began to ease into his eyes.

I placed my palm on his cheek, warding off the sorrow for another time. "It's amazing, Edward." I kissed him sweetly. "Thank you."

His rewarding grin was so brilliant, it could have chased the moon away in the belief that a new day had begun.

He lifted me up and set me down on the tailgate. I scooted over the pile of blankets towards the back of the cab where mounds of pillows were arranged. He jumped up lithely, quickly settling in beside me. From this vantage point, we had a beautiful view of the moonlight reflecting off the still lake. He reached over to a cooler he had nestled in behind the wheel well. From the cooler, he produced a pint of ice cream.

"Ben and Jerry's?" I asked incredulously.

"Is that okay? I thought you might like it."

"What flavor?" I inquired, testing his ability at silent, frozen dairy food commentary.

"Jamaican Me Crazy."

I flung my arms around him. "Oh my God! It's perfect."

He looked bashful. "Well, I have to confess, Felix might have helped a little."

"So that's why the oaf was so secretive!"

_I'd have to apologize to him for the titty twister later._

He handed me a spoon and pried off the lid. I scooped a bite out and held it up to him. He eyed me for a moment before leaning in, taking the spoon into his mouth and wrapping his lips around it.

_Damn it, my girly parts are throwing an all out pool party!_

He dipped his spoon into the sorbet before giving me his offering. I opened my mouth, my tongue resting on my lower lip as I eased toward him. I lifted my tongue slightly towards the underside of the spoon, pulling the frozen sweetness into my mouth and sucking gently. His eyes clouded over before he clenched them tightly. He exhaled deeply and when his green eyes looked at me again, the lusty fog was gone.

He wanted this to be sweet and romantic. Despite my girly part's desperate cries for sex, I really wanted it too. So, I settled back into his arms and we continued feeding each other sorbet until neither of us could take another bite. He closed it up and put the remainder back in the cooler.

"Ready for part two, beautiful?" He placed a chaste kiss upon the back of my hand.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I'm taking you dancing, remember?"

"But there's no music!"

"Oh, ye of little faith." He teased.

We scooted out of the truck and walked hand-in-hand toward the gazebo. As we got closer, I realized that he had moved the picnic bench out from underneath the structure, clearing a perfect little area for dancing. He placed me in the center and ducked behind one of the supporting columns. I watched as he fidgeted with something and, a moment later, the gazebo was illuminated by hanging twinkle lights. He pressed a button on an iPod that was resting on the railing, and soon Unchained Melody was playing on two small speakers.

_Oh, My Love  
My Darling  
I hunger for your touch  
A long, lonely time…_

Edward spun me around effortlessly so that we ended up in the classic ballroom pose. Aside from a little swaying and bumping I had learned to do during performances, I had never danced with someone before, but Edward was skilled enough for the both of us. He led me into a couple of simple, yet elegant moves at first. However, I was happiest when he finally guided my arms around his neck, holding me tight about my waist. I rested my head on his chest, breathing in his scent, moving in time to his heart.

He had coordinated quite an eclectic playlist of dance music; some oldies, some country, some classic rock and some pop. Sometimes we just danced. For a while, we goofed around showing each other our favorite cheesy dance moves. I laughed so hard that I cried when he did the "Sprinkler", and he cocked an eyebrow flirtatiously at my rendition of "The Pony".

When Boys II Men's "I'll Make Love To You" came on, he slid me back into a casual embrace as we moved sensuously against one another. I slipped my leg in between his, grinding along his thigh as I wiggled down, sliding my hands provocatively along his torso. I rose back up, pressing my breasts against him all the way. With his leg still between mine, he spun us around half way and then thrust his fingers into the hair at the base of my neck, guiding me to lean backwards away from him. The movement ground my damp crotch against his muscular thigh, granting just enough friction to make me want more. He traced heated fingers along my jaw, across my throat and along my chest where his palm ghosted over my sensitive nipple. My body undulated under his touch, like the oceans waves being pulled by the gravitational force of the moon. Wherever he touched, I instinctively sparked and tingled and trembled and reached for more.

He leaned over me, his erection pushing into my hip as he kissed along my collarbone. I dug my fingers into his hair, holding him to me. His fingers found their way back into my hair so that he could guide me into a standing position while his other hand slid down from my waist and under so that he was cupping my ass. His swollen lips found mine as he kissed me savagely, walking me backwards until I could feel one of the wooden posts behind me. With the new resistance, he squeezed my ass tightly, pulling me up and toward him to rub his throbbing bulge against my needy center.

I kept one hand fisted in his hair, pulling him roughly to me, feeding hungrily on his mouth. I let my other hand roam over his broad shoulders, racing downward over his back. I yanked his shirt up and slid my hand down into the tight waist band of his jeans, my fingers settling on his tense, firm buttocks as he pushed against me. I scraped my nails lightly across his ass, eliciting a moan and another delirious thrust. His ass was simply too fine to explore with only one hand, so my other hand quickly chased the first, sliding into his jeans to palm an ass cheek in each. I squeezed, pulling myself against his hard on, rubbing anxiously against him as if we might be able to make our clothes ignite and disappear into a pile of ash at our feet.

We rubbed and pushed and caressed and squeezed and kissed until we were on the brink of absolute madness. Unfortunately, the iPod playlist had other plans.

_If it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe  
I'd been married a long time ago.  
Where did you come from?  
Where did you go?  
Where did you come from  
Cotton Eyed Joe?_

Edward stilled for a moment as the country-sounding pop song played. I pulled away to look at him incredulously. "Edward? What the hell is this?"

He raised his eyebrows with the hint of a restrained smile. "What? You don't like the RedNex?"

"No, they're great…" I said dumbfounded, "…just sort of a mood killer."

He dropped his head on my shoulder. "I know, I'm sorry, but it was supposed to be a dance playlist, not an I'm-Gonna-Sex-Up-My-Girlfriend playlist. How was I supposed to know that last song would get you so hot and bothered."

"Um, I don't think I was the only one getting hot and bothered there, buddy." I squeezed his ass and rode against his erection for emphasis.

With the mood destroyed, we both laughed and released each other, sensing that our date had come to an end. I helped him collect the twinkle lights and the rest of the equipment, packing everything back into a couple of boxes he brought with him. As he loaded the boxes into the bed of the truck, I walked over to the edge of the lake, staring out at the serene perfection in front of me, trying to memorize everything I was feeling so that I could recall them at a moment's notice.

I heard his approaching footsteps in the lush, damp grass before he sidled up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"What are you thinking about?" He nuzzled against my hair.

"Something you said when you were talking about the playlist."

"And what did I say?" He breathed in deeply, giving me the shivers.

"You called me your girlfriend."

"Did I?" He didn't seem phased; he just leaned in to kiss my neck.

"Um-hm." I mumbled, getting lost in the sensation of his kiss.

"Does that bother you?" His voice took on a concerned tone, but he continued to lightly kiss my jaw and cheek.

"No. It was just the first time you called me that and, well, we've never really discussed it. That's all."

"Well, I guess our situation is a little different than most, and the term does sound rather elementary. I suppose I could call you my friend. Mistress. Confidante. Angel. Muse. Lover." He punctuated each word with another lingering kiss. "That just seems like such a mouthful, though."

I wrapped my arms around his, leaning back into him. "Thank you for the best date ever."

"Oh yeah? And what makes it the best date ever?"

"I was with you." I turned my head and he lowered his lips to mine, soft and sweet.

**A/N**: _You should have seen how intense the Volturi guard got when Boys II Men started playing. Unfortunately, they are not fans of Cotton Eyed Joe, but they are too excited to see what happens next to hurt me. (Thank God!) They've agreed to keep the Smut Dealer off of my back if I can get my hands on some more lemons…soon._

_I've found a website at that has great prices, but I still need to raise 50 reviews in order to pay for the order. Do you have a review or two you could loan me? I promise to pay you back._


	19. Told You So

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I may have borrowed another book quote amidst writing my own rubbish – but you knew that bit of genius couldn't come from me anyway, so who am I kidding?_

Warning: _No lemons or limes…I'm working on it._

Approx: _9 Pages/__ 4,748 Words_

**CHAPTER 19: TOLD YOU SO**

I woke up Wednesday morning to find two text messages waiting for me. The first was his standard "Good Morning". That was all it took to put a stupid, shit-eating grin on my face.

It was the second message that made me burst out laughing.

"I had the most wonderful dream last night. I killed Cotton Eyed Joe."

I texted him back before heading out into the kitchen where Al was preparing her shake. She passed hers over to me and started making another one for herself. I told her all about the previous day as we drank and sorted through our mail. While Ali opened a couple of letters she'd received, I threw my bills on the desk – I'd deal with them all later – and started stretching so that I could join her for yoga. A minute later, she burst into the room like she had a firecracker up her ass. She turned off the music, turned off the lights, grabbed her keys, grabbed my hand and hurriedly pulled me to the front door.

"We have to go! Now!" She reminded me of a kid charging down the stairs on Christmas morning. Something big had happened, and it appeared to be good.

"What's going on, Ali?"

"No time for yoga. We need to get to the others. I'll explain then. Call Em and tell him to meet us A.S.A.P. I'm driving."

I hadn't really intended to wear my workout clothes to practice, but I knew better than to argue with an excited, determined Alice.

We pulled up to the Hale's home right as Emmet was walking in the door. Ali grabbed my hand again and raced toward the house with me in tow. She pushed on Emmet's shoulder as we barreled past him, though he barely budged. "Get Rosie downstairs now!" Jasper walked right into our path when he heard Ali's twinkling voice. She grabbed his hand and soon, the tiny earth mover was dragging us both down the stairs to our basement studio.

Once in the studio, she released us and pointed authoritatively towards the couch. "Sit!" Without hesitation, Jasper and I took a seat side-by-side on the sofa. The little tyrant paced back and forth while we waited for our remaining two band mates to arrive.

A couple of minutes later, Em and Rosie rushed down the steps, eager to learn what was going on. Ali ordered them to sit as well, so they squeezed in beside Jazz and I.

Ali shook a rippled envelope and crumpled letter at us. "Do you know what this is?"

We all looked to each other for a hint before giving up and shrugging our denial.

"This is the fruit of our labor. _This_ is our big chance. _This _is the first response I've gotten to the demos we mailed out. _This_ is a letter from Rick Jones' production company saying that they like our sound…_and that they will be contacting us to arrange for a representative to come out and watch us perform LIVE!"_

There was a moment of silence as we all absorbed what she said.

That moment was short lived.

Rosie and I climbed onto the couch, jumping up and down while holding each other's forearms in giddy, abandoned glee. Em jumped out of his seat and started punching at the air excitedly. Jazz stood up with a face-splitting grin, strode over to Ali and hugged her fiercely, picking her up and spinning her around.

We passed the letter around with awe. Although Al had managed to crumple it in her efforts to contain her excitement, we smoothed it out and held it as if it was the freaking Shroud of Turin. We each took turns reading the words, only to get excited all over again having read them for ourselves.

Momma Hale noticed our cars outside so she wandered down to find out what had brought us over so early. We eagerly shared our news and the jumping for joy started all over again, this time with Esme excitedly joining in. For a woman nearly twice our age, her exuberance was limitless. She called Big Daddy C to brag about our letter. Although he received the news much more calmly than the rest of us, there was no mistaking the excitement and pride in his voice.

When Esme learned that we had all skipped breakfast in our rush to meet each other, she hurried to the kitchen to whip something up. It wasn't the feast we had enjoyed last time, but it was filling and pleasant nonetheless. We girls helped her around the kitchen while the guys set the table and filled glasses with juice and mugs with coffee. We ate enthusiastically, too caught up in the excitement and planning to worry about calories and carbs. We chatted anxiously about wardrobe and which songs we would play for them. Momma Hale called out her favorite songs, which always proved to be crowd pleasers.

When there was no more food and the plates had all been cleared, Esme hugged and kissed each and every one of us before returning to her office to work on plans for a client. We scurried down to the basement, eager to practice but lacking focus. There was so much to think about! We wanted to try to write some more songs to make sure that we had a wide array to perform. We wanted a full set of original songs so that we wouldn't have to play any covers for the producers. Unfortunately, we needed _at least_ three more quality songs for that to happen.

We reviewed some of Alice's old songs that we had previously declined, trying to see if there was any way to make them work. It took us some time, but we all remembered our parts and put them together. Worst-case-scenario, there was one song of hers that we felt we could possibly pull off, if given enough time to rearrange it.

Emmet and Rose asked if we had made any leeway in composing the lyrics and keyboard accompaniment for their song. Al was confident she could pull her part together, but I was just as clueless about the lyrics as I was when I first heard it. I suggested that they could always perform that one piece as an instrumental, but they refused to play anything without me. Therefore, the ball was now in my court to make their untitled tune a full-bodied song.

They rattled off some ideas, trying to inspire me, to spur me on to write. But, there was nothing.

We spent the rest of the day practicing, searching for new material and dreaming of ways to win the hearts of a music producer we had yet to meet.

I took my truck to work, dialing Edward to fill him in during the long, winding drive. He was ecstatic for us. He was confident that we would impress the executives. His reassurance was sweet, but did little to calm my nerves or relieve the pressure I was feeling to write three, record-deal inspiring songs. Unfortunately, there had been no change in Bree's status, although we were beginning to think that no change was better than the alternative. Doctor's had told us that things were sure to go downhill from here. The next time we had any news, we were to expect that it would be bad.

Work was a mess. We were slightly busier than usual for a Wednesday night and my brains were scrambled. I bumped into Angela twice. We miraculously managed to save our full trays both times. I wasn't so lucky when I tripped over one of the bar stools a short while later.

Verses would wind their way into my cerebral cortex at the worst moments. I'd find myself jotting down song ideas on my notepad when I was supposed to be taking an order. One table insisted that Angela serve their table after I asked them to repeat their drink orders for the fifth time.

As luck would have it, Aro was away this week leaving Fifi to run the bar. Felix just gave me a quizzical look or shook his head, but let it all slide because he already knew what was weighing on my mind.

The night dragged on as I fumbled and bumbled my way through it. Mike filled the glasses for my customers a little lower than usual to stop me from spilling them. Angela started taking the long way around the bar in an effort to avoid me altogether. Felix pulled the mop and bucket out of the closet and kept it behind the bar, ready for my next inevitable slip-up.

Five minutes before closing, I put away my pad and apron, snatched my purse and ran for the exit like the damn building was on fire.

_Just get the hell out of here._

My nerves were shot and there was only one thing that would help me now.

There was no injection or pill or syrupy medication for the way I was feeling, yet my antidote could still be found in the hospital.

I floored my decrepit truck and pulled into the parking lot ten minutes later. I grabbed the small, overnight bag I had packed, slammed the door and rushed into the building, tripping up over my own feet a couple of times along the way.

_Damn, I haven't been this klutzy since High School!_

I stopped just outside of the room, calming myself so that I wouldn't explode through the door like the chaotic mess that I was. I hadn't told him I was coming tonight, hoping instead to surprise Edward. I stepped in quietly, not wanting to disturb him should he happen to already be asleep.

He didn't notice when I crept through the door. He was sitting in the chair with his back to me, holding Bree's hand and talking in whispers. In the four days since I met Bree, she hadn't appeared to move in the slightest. She lay in the bed, seeming to be in the exact same position she had been in when I first saw her. I knew her hair and nails were minutely longer, something unnoticeable to the human eye. But she still wore that mask of sleep and oblivion; thin, pale, dainty arms and hands resting on the pile of thick blankets that consumed her. Faint blue veins tracing beneath pallid skin, pulsing with her weak but steady pulse.

She _had_ moved. Or, perhaps I should say she had been moved. I knew she had been lifted carefully out of bed when the nurses came to change her sheets. I'm sure she was shifted gingerly from side to side as Renee bathed her and changed her gown. Her arms and hands were lifted each and every time blood was drawn, an IV was changed or when someone who cared about her warmed her tiny hand in theirs. However, each and every time she had been returned to the same recognizable pose. A living doll. A sleeping beauty.

Strangely enough, I found myself among those who cared. Her death was inevitable and, unless a random act of fate plucked me from this world soon, I would be one of those left behind when she passed.

I only knew what I was told about her. My only knowledge of her life came from pictures and stories and the endless love I had witnessed in four days time – but I would feel her loss. In fact, standing there, staring at the ghost of a woman, I already mourned for her – already missed the conversations and laughs that we would never have; already longed for the tales that only she would have been able to tell me about the kind man who was holding her hand.

When the door clicked shut behind me Edward turned, his smile a beacon, shining brightly through my dark thoughts, piercing the gloom to guide my own happiness and excitement back through the sad fog. He stood up and with three long strides, lifted me in his arms and squeezed me tightly.

The clumsy, nervous, worrisome girl evaporated, rising like steam, releasing my body completely into his embrace.

"I am so happy for you! You are going to be incredible; I have no doubt about it."

As he set me back on my feet, I smiled humbly. "Thanks."

He noticed the bag on my shoulder and took it from me. "What's this?"

"An overnight bag. I'm having a slumber party with Bree. Wanna come?"

His face lit up. "You're staying the night?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yes, Edward. That's generally what slumber parties entail."

He put his hands on my hips, pulling me close. "And what else do slumber parties entail?"

I laughed at his suggestive tone. "Mani's, pedi's, gossip and hair braiding." I ran my fingers through his hair. "Hmmm, I'm not sure I can work with this." Then I grabbed his hands and scrutinized his nails carefully. "However, I think a nice carnation pink might look lovely with your skin tone."

He laughed that carefree laugh that made my heart swell.

"I'm gonna change and freshen up real quick. I'll be back in a moment." I carried my bag into the private bathroom and cleaned up as best as I could. I slipped on a pair of sweat pants and pulled a baggie t-shirt on over my sports bra. I didn't think nighties or boxers would be appropriate for a hospital.

I wandered out a few minutes later, laying my bag in a dark corner of the room. Edward eyed me appreciatively. "How can you even make _that_ outfit look so tempting?" The corner of his mouth lifted up into a one-sided grin.

"Hey, I'll have you know this is the latest fashion trend. It's what all the models are sporting in Paris these days." I struck a couple of poses, doing my best to mimic a fashion shoot. This was greeted by another chuckle.

Boyish, carefree Edward was as adorable as intense, lustful Edward was hot. The only side of him I was not completely smitten with so far was the broken man. Yet, even the broken man I could not turn away.

"Edward, when I was changing, I was thinking about what I said to you. I was joking when I said it, but I'd really like to do something for Bree. Do you think anyone would mind if I gave her a manicure and pedicure? I don't have any nail polish, but I could trim and buff her nails and put some lotion on?"

The moment I mentioned the lotion, I felt incredibly stupid and self conscious. What was I talking about? How was buffing and moisturizing her going to help? Despite the fact that I had let the unconscious woman into my heart, I was still a stranger to her. I shouldn't allow myself to be so familiar with her or I was bound to make someone uncomfortable sooner or later.

Edward's eyes widened as the corners of his lips turned up. "I think she would absolutely love that, Bella." I was still feeling uncomfortable for asking but I had no doubt in my mind that Edward was being sincere.

"Are you sure? I sort of feel bad for asking now – I didn't mean to be presumptuous or familiar." I stammered, wondering where the hell my confidence had gone.

It was like walking onto a battlefield with an army behind you, only to turn and realize that they had hunkered down in the trenches a hundred yards back and left you to meet the enemy alone.

_Stupid, fickle confidence!_

Edward took my hand in his and sweetly kissed me on the temple. "Bella, I know this situation is weird and I can't tell you how very thankful I am that you are trying to make it work. You make it look so effortless and natural that I can only fathom how awkward it must really be for you sometimes. But, I don't want you to do anything you don't really feel like doing and I don't want you to make it any more uncomfortable for yourself than it has to be.

"I'd love for you to stay with us tonight, but don't do it for my sake. And, I think if given the chance, Bree would have eagerly agreed to a slumber party with you – hair, nails, gossip and all. She spent so much time with me that she never really had a girlfriend to do that stuff with. She clung to your music during the rough times and I can only assume that you two would be great friends if you had known each other before all of this. But we'd both be more than happy for you to just hang out and chit-chat. No trimming, buffing or lotion required." He smiled – honey, warmth and sweetness calming my nerves.

I tried to organize my incoherent thoughts. "The funny thing is that none of this feels unnatural to me. I know it should, but in reality, I feel like this is where I belong. Not just with you, but all of it. Like I'm meant to know the Tanners and I'm meant to be here by Bree's side. It's like you said, maybe she and I were meant to be great friends and we just met each other too late. You see, it's not the situation that makes me feel awkward – it's how comfortable I _feel_ in the situation that worries me. Like, it suddenly hit me that I've just invited myself to spend the night and give a manicure to this girl who doesn't really know me, and I feel like I have to tell myself to back off because that is not the way I should be reacting. Does that make any sense?"

I appreciated the fact that he gave it some thought before responding. It made what he said next more significant because he wasn't just placating me. "I can see what you mean –being worried about feeling differently than you think you _should_ feel. Renee and I were talking about this the other day. You see, the feeling is mutual. Even though Bree's condition hasn't improved, Renee and I have both felt a sort of calm in the past few days. It's like, we were waiting for you before and we didn't know it. It scared us both – we depended on our misery to prove how much we loved and cared for her. Now, we've actually been sleeping a little better and we've both felt guilty about that. Then we realized that it just helps to have a friend; someone who can understand and share some of the burden without collapsing under the weight of it all. We concluded that it's not that we worry or care less; it's that we can draw from your strength to love her and worry about her in a less painful way. We don't want to depend on you so much after such a short period of time and we shouldn't saddle you with that responsibility – but we do."

I hugged him, snuggling into his firm chest, letting this scent and warmth and strength soak into the fibers of my being. "_Okaaaaay_, I'll give her a manicure." He laughed once more before I pulled away to go back to my bag.

I took the girl's delicate hand in mine and focused intently on trimming her cuticles carefully. Her nails were only a little longer than I thought was practical, so I settled on filing them down just a smidge, to even them all out. I rounded the corners so that there wouldn't be any rough edges to catch on the blankets or scratch people as they warmed her hands.

Meanwhile, Edward and I chatted casually about Bree and the band and my horrific night at work. I massaged lotion onto her arms and hands, flexing her wrist and squeezing her knuckles as I pulled the moisture down each of her tiny fingers. There was absolutely no tension in the still woman's extremities nor was there any tangible response to my touch and I wondered if it felt good to her at all. Somewhere through the fog, did she register my touch? Was there any small part of her consciousness that responded to the gesture? If so, I couldn't tell.

Once I buffed her nails to a pretty shine, Edward and I swapped seats so that I could repeat the work on her right hand. As I suspected, the only thing that felt weird about manicuring my unconscious friend's fingers was the fact that it didn't feel weird at all. The mindless task coupled with her still form and Edward's soothing voice was actually very relaxing.

By the time I moved my chair to the end of her bed to begin working on her feet, I had explained my frustration over being a musical mute at the moment when the band needed me most.

"It's your fault, really." I teased him.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Oh really? Is that so?"

I stared intently down at Bree's petite toes and continued working. "Um-hm. I write best when I'm angry or depressed. Then you stop by the bar and *poof*, I can't write anymore. See, you are entirely to blame for the downfall of our music career. What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Cullen?"

I fought the urge to look at him as he stood up and came around beside me. He stooped beside my chair, placing one long, strong arm around my shoulders. I could see him smiling and smoldering at me out of the corner of my eye and struggled to look uninterested as I tediously trimmed the cuticle on her big toe. "Well, I would say I'm sorry…but I'm not. Truth is, I would do it all over again, damn your career and all."

I turned to face him, a look of shock and offense on my face. "Why, that's incredibly selfish of you, Mr. Cullen!"

He appeared unrepentant, his eyes darkening as they bore into my soul. "You know, I've learned that about myself since you came into my life. I am essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

I brought my hand up to his face, caressing the light stubble over his smooth skin. My heart literally burned for him. It started with a small spark nearly four weeks ago that he fed with every breath and word. Now, every kiss…every touch stroked the embers, slowly creating an inferno within me. "Edward, there isn't a selfish bone in your body."

He placed his large hand over mine, pulling my hand around so that his lips caressed my palm. He kept his beautiful, emerald eyes on me as his lips parted, his breath misting across my skin. In the most erotically sweet encounter I had ever known, he sensuously kissed the sensitive flesh at the center of my palm before bringing my hand down to rest it over his heart. We stayed like that for a moment, our eyes remaining connected, a slight throbbing in my fingertips as my pulse struggled to match the beat of his heart. I got lost somewhere in his eyes.

He eventually stood up, releasing me from his trance. "I'll tell you what. I'm gonna go down to the vending machines real quick and get something to drink. You want anything?"

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "Um…sure. Do they have any juice down there?"

"I think I've seen apple juice before. Is that good?" I nodded. "Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes." He paused at the door. "Behave, you two. Don't talk about me while I'm gone."

He snuck out, closing the door behind him to block out the penetrating fluorescent lights of the hallway.

I worked diligently on Bree's toes, attempting to be thorough without inflicting pain on someone who would be unable to tell me if hurt. The room was quiet except for the steady beeping of the medical equipment. It took less than a minute for the eerie silence to creep up on me. So, I took a deep breath…and talked to the girl in the bed.

"I'm sorry I haven't said much to you. I hope you don't find me rude; this is just all sort of new to me."

_Why did this feel so much sillier without someone else in the room? _It was as if I could only maintain the pretense when Edward or Renee were around to translate Bree's silent thoughts. I persevered.

"Edward and your mom seem quite confident that you and I would be the greatest of friends, if given the opportunity. I hope they're right. From the little I know about you, I have a feeling we'd have a blast together. It would be kind of funny if you came around and told me to piss off. That would catch them by surprise."

I snapped my mouth shut.

Bree wouldn't be coming around. We all maintained the appearance of optimists, hopeful that she would wake up any day now. The unspoken truth was that Bree would never wake up. She would remain the silent, unmoving doll until the day her heart stopped beating.

My tone sounded pitiful; pleading. "You know, that would be okay too. If you woke up and didn't want me around. If you told them you couldn't stand me and never wanted to see me again. I'd want you to like me, but I'd give that all up if it brought you back to them. I'd even leave Edward alone. I'd never see him again if that's what it took for you to wake up, Bree."

_Did I mean that? Could I just walk away from him?_

Why not? I had known him less than a month. Why wouldn't I be able to just walk away without another glance?

I didn't know why, but I knew it would kill me to try.

"I'd miss him, ya know…if I couldn't see him again. I don't know if I can explain it to you, but I'm kind of crazy about your husband." I snorted without humor. "But I know that you're one of the reasons that he is the terrific man that he is. I know you're one of the people who have made his life wonderful." My eyes stung and I knew that the tears would come if I didn't wrap this up. "So, yes Bree. I would walk away from your incredible best friend and your loving mother if it meant their happiness. I would stay around just long enough to tell you how thankful I am that they have you in their lives and to try to make you understand just how very much they adore you. Then, it would be a done deal, my friend. All you have to do is wake up."

I looked at the blue-purple color of her eyelids, waiting for so much as a flutter. Her breathing remained shallow; her newly manicured hands still. As I suspected, nothing changed. She wasn't going to wake up and the selfish part of me was grateful I wouldn't have to make good on my promise. I tried to lighten the mood, to back up from the emotional ledge I was precariously balancing on before Edward came back to the room.

"Alrighty then, Bree. I'll take that as a sign that you like having me around, so I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to. But if you want to get rid of me at any time, all you have to is open those pretty eyes of yours and tell me to go to hell. Otherwise, you can count on weekly manicures and pedicures from your new buddy Bella."

I placed a towel beneath her feet before filing her toe nails, careful not to soil the bed sheets with my efforts. I chatted idly with my silent companion until Edward popped in with the drinks and a couple of bags of chips.

"Did you two have a nice chat?" He teased as he twisted the top off of the apple juice for me.

"Yep." I smiled at him, all signs of the threatening tears gone from my face. "She really does like me after all."

Edward smiled back. "I told you so."

**A/N:**_ So close to raising the reviews I need to purchase those lemons and limes! C'mon and click that review button – it's for a good cause!_


	20. Can't Wait

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I'm the genius behind the rest of this blather._

Warning: _Who wants some lemonade? Step right up and bring your own glass!_

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,792 Words_

**CHAPTER 20: CAN'T WAIT**

With Bree's pedicure finished and the refreshments gone, Edward and I pulled the privacy curtain in front of the door so that we could settle into the small, vinyl covered couch near the window. Edward had already made a habit of pulling the curtain closed before trying to fall asleep so that he wouldn't be wakened by the blinding hallway lights every time the nurses came in to monitor Bree. Luckily, this bought us a couple of seconds to get out of any precarious positions, granting us a small reprieve from our "just friends" façade.

He propped himself in the corner of the uncomfortable love seat with his right arm draped across the back. His right leg sprawling across the joint where the seat cushion met the back while he kept his left foot flat on the ground. "Are you sleepy?"

I looked on the clock beside Bree's bed. _Damn, it was after two a.m. and I wasn't the least bit tired._

"Not really." I shrugged. "But, please don't mind me if you want to go to sleep. I'll just try to work on some lyrics."

"I'm not really tired either. Do you think I might be able to help with the lyrics? I mean, after all, I do feel guilty for being single-handedly responsible for the demise of your lyrical genius." I laughed.

"Sure, I'll take all the help I can get. Though, I should warn you…I'm really picky and I can be hell to collaborate with. Just ask my friends." I thought back to their fruitless attempts to inspire me this morning.

I pulled my iPod from my purse, thankful that we had thought to record Emmet and Rosie's song for me to work on. I sat down between his legs, my own legs crossed along the length of the seat, my back pressed against his warm torso.

I marveled at how well our bodies fit together; how my soft curves molded to his hard planes flawlessly.

_This special place was meant just for me._

I handed him one of the ear buds before placing the other in my own ear. He wrapped his left arm around me nonchalantly as I found the right tune to play.

"Wow, this is really good!" He mumbled appreciatively a few seconds into the song.

"It's awesome. That's what makes it so hard to work with. I'm used to writing the music and lyrics at the same time. I've never had to work with a completed tune before and it's difficult for me to find the right words to match the sound and beat; especially to find lyrics that are going to live up to what they've already composed."

"Well, what do you have in mind for it? What type of song are you going for?"

"Well, they've been pressuring me for a while to write a love song, but I haven't really been in the right frame of mind for that and I don't want to write something just for the sake of appeasing them."

I could feel him nodding behind me. "Yeah, I don't really get a romantic vibe from this anyway. What else you got?"

"Well, with the guitar riffs that Rosie and Jasper added I feel like it should be about some kind of struggle. It feels like the guitars are warring with each other, ya know? So, I've been sort of leaning towards a battle of the sexes idea, but I haven't really found anything that works."

"Hmm" he hummed near my ear. "I can definitely get the battle scenario, but it reminds me of something. Have you ever heard of that country song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"?

I hadn't heard the song in years, but I immediately recalled the awesome sound of the dueling fiddles. "A battle between good an evil. That's interesting."

"Something along those lines." He continued. "You know, make it something bigger than love and hate." He mused.

My eyes wandered over to Bree, quietly lost in endless slumber. "Life and death." I whispered.

He caught on immediately. "A soul's fight against the angel of death." His voice was hushed too.

"Who wins?" I asked thoughtfully.

He sighed wistfully. "Death always wins in the end."

We sat stoically, contemplating. "Not in our song. At least in our song, the soul always has a fighting chance."

"I like that." He kissed my hair. "I like that idea a lot."

We tossed ideas around, making notes on the things that were particularly good and complementing each other when we stumbled across a rather meaningful line.

We finished each other's rhymes effortlessly; an evocative, complex song weaving out of the stale hospital air.

I jumped toward the far end of the loveseat when light flashed beneath the privacy curtain. I had been so warm and cozy in Edward's embrace that the sudden chill of the vinyl through my clothes made me shiver.

The nurse peeked around the curtain and pardoned herself to take Bree's vitals. When she pushed the rolling blood pressure kit out the door, Edward and I snickered away the tension she had brought with her. I pushed him off the couch, choosing to give him the reclining armchair so that he would be able to stretch out more fully. He tossed a spare pillow at me and I yawned as I curled up on my side, hugging the cool pillow beneath my cheek. A moment later, he came over, tenderly cocooning me in an extra blanket before kissing me good night. I watched as he checked on Bree, pulling the covers more tightly around her small form before kissing her on the cheek.

I fell asleep as my extraordinary boyfriend gracefully reclined on the stiff hospital furniture.

I woke with the morning sun shining down upon me through the hospital window. I kept my eyes closed as I stretched out fully, noticing when the murmuring voices in the room stopped abruptly.

"Good morning." His velvet voice wormed into the darkness behind my eyelids, and I instinctively smiled in response.

"Good morning." I yawned, winking at the offending sunlight, unable to focus my eyes.

I threw the covers off of me and sat up. I finally blinked away the sleepy fog to see that Renee was already in the room. "Oh! Good morning, Renee! I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were here already. I must look like a mess." I ran my hand over my head to smooth my hair, but my fingers quickly caught up in the tangles.

"You look just lovely, Bella. I'm so glad you were here to keep Edward and Bree company last night. That was very sweet of you."

At the mention of Bree's name, I noticed that there was something very different and very wrong with the room. The hospital bed was missing, along with the patient that was in it. My heart stuttered a little. "Speaking of Bree, where is she?"

Edward explained. "The doctors are concerned about some changes in her lab results and monitors, so they've taken her down for some testing."

Renee jumped in. "They'll probably have her out of the room for an hour or so. I was just telling Edward that you two should run to the house to clean up and get something to eat."

Edward stood up. Against my better judgment, my eyes raked up all six feet of him right in front of Renee, settling on the handsome face below the disheveled hair. Edward was running both hands through his mess, trying to tame it without much success. Renee snickered at my gawking and I blushed, just thankful that he hadn't noticed.

"What do you say, Bella? Want to clean up and get a bite to eat?"

I nodded dumbly. Once again, he managed to reduce me to a speechless pile of goo.

_Damn, dazzling God-O-Sex!_

I regained my senses enough for polite conversation. "Let me just dip into the bathroom to run a comb through my hair." I grabbed my bag and hurried into the bathroom. Although I planned to shower at the Tanner's home, I washed my face and brushed my teeth – _just in case_ Edward should decide to ravage me in the car on the way there.

He didn't ravage me on the way there.

He didn't ravage me when we got inside, either.

_Doesn't science say that we send out pheromones when we're attracted to someone? Aren't they supposed to react to those damn pheromones? So, why in the world wasn't he ravaging me by now?_

Probably because you send out those pheromones every time your around him, 24/7. Maybe your drowning the poor man in so many pheromones, he's growing immune.

_Or maybe he's the one sending out the pheromones. Maybe your pheromones are only an unconscious response to his sex god smell._

Enough with the pheromone shit!

_Jump him! Tear off his clothes! Fuck like rabbits!_

"Why don't you take your shower first and I'll putter around in the kitchen to see what I can make for us to eat?" I offered.

"You sure?" He was trying to be nice, but he really looked excited at the opportunity to jump in the shower.

"Yeah, go ahead." He smiled that little crooked grin of his and padded off into the bedroom, leaving me to rummage through the refrigerator.

My mind wandered.

Edward would be in the bathroom right now, turning on the hot water, peeling off his shirt. Steam would be building in the bathroom, a light sheen of humidity collecting on his cut abs. He would be slipping his pants over his hips, past that firm ass of his, down those long, muscular legs.

He would take one last look at himself in the mirror: those piercing green eyes, that sculpted jaw, those pouty, sensual lips. He'd run his fingers through the riot of bronze, copper and gold blazing above his beautiful face.

He'd be stepping into the shower now, the water soaking into his hair, darkening it. The water would trickle over his nose and along his jaw, sliding down his throat before tracing the lines on his chest and stomach. The stream would follow the indentation along his abdomen, following the diagonal channel from the top of his hips to his groin. Droplets would accumulate in his belly button before journeying farther down, along his stiff shaft, dripping off the head of his penis.

I stopped myself when I realized I was stroking a cucumber in the Tanner's fridge in a rather erotic fashion. Somehow, I don't think cold produce was going to give me the reaction I was looking for.

Needless to say, breakfast foods were the last thing on my mind.

I closed the fridge and skulked to the bedroom, listening to the running water on the other side of the door. I paused for a moment, that familiar knot pressing in on my stomach. My chest constricted and once again, my confidence abandoned me.

_Traitor._

It had been so easy with the other guys. _Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma'am!_

I had told them to fuck me or get out. I had been aggressive and domineering. I hadn't been this shy, uneasy girl since I had first been with James.

I knew Edward wanted me. The moments that had transpired between us left me with no doubt that he was as sexually attracted to me as I was to him. So why were my hands clammy and my mouth dry? Why was I trembling? Where was the vixen that would bust down the door and easily seduce the man on the other side?

I took a deep, steadying breath, allowing the fantasy to return. Water grazing over his muscled ass, down his strong thighs, over his long, lean calves. His face turned up to the stream as droplets slide over his Adam's apple and collect in the hollow at his throat.

I turned the knob and slipped quietly into the bathroom.

Steam billowed around me. The shower was encased in rippled glass. He was facing the shower head, his back to me, unaware of my presence. Uncertainty gripped me again and I nearly stepped out, feeling like a freaking peeping tom.

Then I heard a quiet moan above the roar of the shower. If I focused my eyes enough to see through the textured glass, I could make out the subtle movements of Edward stroking himself.

The bathroom was filled with the smell of shampoo and soap and cologne and everything else that I had become addicted to. I pulled my clothes off anxiously and quietly stepped over to the shower door.

He turned as I pulled the door open and stepped in, his shocked eyes meeting my eager, cautious expression. I steadied my gaze on his face as his emerald glance ran along my body, springing forth goosebumps wherever they roamed. When his eyes met mine once again, there was hunger and admiration and appreciation and reassurance.

My confidence eeked out from the trenches, crawling slowly forth to meet me on the front line.

I allowed my eyes to wander down his wet, naked body. Edward would have made Michaelangelo's David feel inadequate. He was a flesh and bone sculpture of mouthwatering perfection. An angel in our midst.

I grabbed his soap and rubbed in it in my hands briskly, gathering suds. Once my hands were appropriately lathered, I placed my palms on his lower stomach, massaging my fingers against his washboard abs. I worked up towards his chest, kneading his pecks as the heels of my palms circled his nipples roughly. He watched me with lust-filled eyes. His lips parted, his rapid breath mixing in with the hot steam. I moved up his throat and over his wide, broad shoulders. I squeezed around his right bicep, sliding my fingers over the strong muscles in his forearm, intertwining our hands as I carefully worked over his fingers, releasing all the tension I felt there. I repeated my attentions on his left arm.

I placed my hands on his hips and pushed slightly, indicating for him to turn around. He took one last, long look into my eyes before spinning around so that his torso was under the spray. I lathered more soap onto my palms and, starting just above his tight buttocks, allowed my hands to trace and mold to the strong muscles that spanned his back. I memorized every line and curve my palms wandered over, kneading away the deep knots that had built up over time. My fingers chased away the stress in his long neck and across his shoulder blades. My hands moved down his sides and over his hips, circling under so that I could tightly grope his ass.

His hands shot out in front of him, steadying himself against the tiled wall beneath the shower head. His head dropped forward as he exhaled, moaning at my touch. I pinched and squeezed and pressed against his ass before easing my hand down between his tight cheeks. He shivered in response.

I pushed him forward under the hot water, using my hands to coerce the water over his back, washing away the suds. With the soap removed, I pulled him farther back, out of the stream, and kissed along his back as I slowly guided myself down his body, so that I was now kneeling behind him. I picked up the soap once more, working up another lather so that I could focus on his legs. His thighs were tense, rock hard and trembling beneath my fingertips. I worked solely on the back of his legs, over his strong calves, all the way down to his ankles. I took a deep, calming breath before nudging his hips once again, prompting him to turn around.

He stood still for a moment, our bodies humming with desire. He slowly dropped his hands back to his side and turned to face me. I looked up at him through my eye lashes, my coal black eyes burning into his. I started back at his right ankle, lathering up his shin to his knee before doing the same to the left ankle and shin. I followed up the front and inside of his thigh, rising high enough to barely graze his stiffened member. Then I returned to his right knee, massaging higher up his right leg, teasing his inner thigh, maintaining eye contact the entire time.

I circled around his groin, only making the lightest contact with his glorious, rigid cock.

"_Bella"_ The rough leather was wrapped around his vocal chords, straining my name.

I reached beneath him and grabbed his balls, massaging them with my soapy hand. He closed his eyes a second before he threw his head back and gasped. One hand braced against the tiled wall to his left, the other held on tightly to the top of the glass shower wall.

I alternated between palming his sack roughly and tickling it with feather light touches, occasionally pulling with just the faintest amount of pressure. I allowed my finger to lightly stroke the delicate skin between his balls and his ass.

"_My God, Bella…you're driving me crazy…"_ Indeed, he sounded like a man on the brink of madness.

I brought my forefinger to his sensitive glans, circling the pad around it enticingly. I traced softly along the top of his shaft, adding my other fingers as I rounded the base and then tickled my way up along the underside back towards his head.

Using just the tips of my fingers, I began massaging the very head of his penis. He moaned and thrust forward, trying to push himself deeper into my hand.

The water that flowed around us was beginning to cool, and I knew we'd be completely out of hot water soon. The time for tickling and teasing was over.

I wrapped my hand around his head, pushing down along his length, simulating the way it would feel when he first enters my body.

"_Yes, Bella. Yes…" _He began rhythmically pulsing into my hand as I pumped him, squeezing his balls with every thrust.

"Does that feel good baby? Show me what you want to do to me, Edward. Show me how you want to give it to me."

I twisted my hand as I slid over him, heightening the sensation.

"_So good, Bella. Ungh…"_ He groaned with another plunge into my hand. _"I want you so badly, I can't stand it. You turn me into an animal. No matter how good I try to be to you, I'm constantly fighting the urge to rip off your clothes and just take you."_

The moisture collected between my naked thighs. "How do you want to take me, Edward?"

He brought his head forward, hooded green eyes gazing down upon me.

"_Every way, Bella. Every fucking way. Hard and tender, fast and slow. Inside. Outside. Top. Bottom. From behind. With my fingers. With my mouth. With my tongue. With my cock." _

He let go of the glass wall, his hand stroking my wet hair and face. "But more than anything, Bella, I just want to make love to you." My heart thumped hard in my chest. I suddenly realized why I was so nervous about coming in here. Why making a move on Edward was so different than my one night stands.

_Because I cared about him._

I really, truly, sincerely cared about him. And I wanted him to be happy. And I wanted to _make_ him happy. This wasn't about my gratification or my orgasm. I came in here with every thought of pleasing _him._ Exploring his body. Fulfilling his desires.

I didn't try to fuck him because I didn't want that.

_Of course you want that, who are you trying to fool?_

Okay, fine, I wanted that. But before that, before anything else, I wanted to make love to him. Slow, sensual, passionate love. I wanted our first time together to be beautiful and meaningful.

For a split second, I forgot what I was doing. The continuously chilling water brought me back to reality.

"Edward, you're amazing. You are so incredible. Cum for me, baby. I want to make you cum. I want to make you feel good like you've made me feel good." I kissed the tip of his dick, pushing my lips down and around the ridge, sucking on the delicate head while I continued to pulse my hand up and down his shaft.

"_Oh God, Bella. That feels so good. Don't stop baby. Pleeeeeeeeease, don't stop…"_

I moaned, circling my tongue around the massive head between my lips.

"_Yes Bella! Your mouth is heavenly! Yes! Just like that!"_

He worked to restrain himself, fighting the urge to pound into me, trying instead to let me control the tempo. His bulging erection throbbed against my frantic hands.

"_Faster Bella! Yes! My God baby, I'm gonna cum! OH MY GOD!"_

He pulled my head away as he surrendered to his orgasm. I watched his magnificent cock twitch as his body trembled with pleasure, his legs tightening before giving out on him. He fell to his knees beside me, enveloping me in his arms, pulling our wet, naked bodies against each other. He kissed me passionately, his hands smoothing over my wet hair. When he finally pulled away from our kiss, he leaned his forehead against mine as he struggled to catch his breath.

"You are amazing, Bella. Absolutely, breathtakingly wonderful."

"You're not too bad yourself." I teased as a shiver came over me. The water was quickly becoming unbearably cold.

He caught on and reached back to turn the faucet off. "C'mon, I think I know a way to warm you up." He hinted suggestively.

The knot tightened infinitely, cutting off all my basic functions.

_I wasn't ready. I wanted him, but now that I knew how I wanted him, I wasn't ready to take that step._

He's not James.

_No, he's not, but that doesn't mean I need to rush into things. Just because he's the first decent guy I've met doesn't mean that I need to fall in lo…to fall for him. I only broke up with James four months ago. I think I can afford to slow down._

My girly parts were not happy, but I was having none of it.

"As pleasant as that sounds, I'm actually kind of hungry. I, um, sort of got sidetracked from making breakfast."

He kissed me before lifting me to my feet.

"Yeah, now that you mention it, receiving a mind-blowing orgasm from your girlfriend during a morning shower does sort of work up an appetite."

"Let me dry off and get dressed and I'll make us something in a minute."

"Can't wait" he smirked.

**A/N:** _Thank you so much for helping me raise the reviews I needed to pay for those lemons and limes! My shipment should be arriving soon, in the meantime, they've overnighted me a couple of limes to get me through. I'll have to use them sparingly until the shipment arrives, so be patient with me._

_With the promise of more lemons on the way, the Volturi has agreed to put me up in hiding from the Smut Dealer. However, I still need to bring in a minimum number of reviews to pay for my own necessities, so keep on clicking that button! I mean, seriously, what do you have to lose?_


	21. I Cried

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The rest of it is all the works of my own literary genius._

Warning: _Oops, we're all out of lemonade! Maybe next time!_

Approx: _10 Pages/__ 4,223 Words_

**CHAPTER 21: I CRIED**

Edward wrapped a towel quickly around his waist before swathing me in another.

Having just worked over every magnificent inch of his body, I was fascinated by the fact that the sight of him bare-chested in nothing but a towel was still an incredible turn on. He wandered out of the bathroom, leaving me to tend to my soggy hair.

As I dried, dressed, and struggled with my hair, music wafted into the bathroom. I raked the comb through my tangles and got my hair dry enough that it wouldn't thoroughly soak through my shirt.

I followed the haunting, eerie tune towards the back of the house, farther in than I had ventured the last time. Past the bedrooms was a large, open room with a grand piano. Edward had slipped into gray slacks, his muscled back and torso still pleasantly exposed. He leaned over the piano, nimble fingers moving quickly and effortlessly over the keys.

I was surprised when he began to sing. He was not a polished singer – it was evident that he had no formal training. However, what he lacked in technique he more than made up for with raw emotion. His velvet voice took on a rugged bluesy quality that coaxed my soul from my body and carried it away from me on waves of tortured anguish. The song had an ethereal quality that was sad and mesmerizing.

I leaned against the open doorway, hanging on his every word.

"The sunlight is fading  
The shadows begin  
Twilight is upon you  
The chill is creeping in.

"Don't shiver, for you're not alone  
Just take my hand, hold it tight.  
I'm in this with you, all the way  
I'll guide you into the night.

"Embrace the twilight, my sweet friend.  
You don't have to be afraid  
I'll cherish you forever  
and the memories we've made.  
You've fought long and hard, my dear,  
Let your weary struggle cease.  
Venture into that dark unknown  
The land of eternal peace.

"We've made it through the twilight  
The midnight sun draws near.  
I pray for you safe journeys  
There is nothing left to fear

"It's time for you to take the high road  
I'll miss you when you're gone.  
But I'll watch from below and you'll watch from above  
and we'll meet each day at the breaking dawn."

The music carried on for another sixteen counts before ending on a sorrowful, unresolved note. Edward sat back farther on the piano bench, placing his elbows on his knees. He dropped his head into his hands, his fingers only partially clawing at his hair. I wiped at the one orphaned tear that trailed over my cheek and quietly walked over, needing to comfort him. He sat up when he heard me coming, a shadow of the broken man lingering on his face.

I straddled the bench so that I was facing him and circled my arms around his waist, my hands settling on his warm, smooth flesh. He wrapped an arm around me and leaned his cheek against my hair, sighing despondently.

"Is this your piano?" My fingertips grazed the ivory keys.

"No, this is Renee's."

"She plays too?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you? She's a piano teacher. Renee's the one who taught me how to play."

"Was that for Bree?" I whispered against his chest.

I could feel him nod against my hair. "We like to pretend that she's going to wake up and things are going to go back to the way that they used to be. But we all know…that's never going to happen. It's never going to be okay. I was just trying to find a way to let her know it's alright if she's tired. We'll understand if she needs to let go, you know?"

I nodded my head. "It was beautiful, Edward. I'm sure it would mean the world to her."

I allowed the silence to linger on for a moment. "I thought you said you hadn't played in years."

He shrugged. "I hadn't. I'd lost my inspiration to play a long time ago."

I pulled back so that I could look into his face. "What changed?"

"You." His thumb caressed my bottom lip. "That night when my car broke down. There was suddenly so much I wanted to express - it was too overwhelming for words. The next time I got home, I started fiddling around with the piano again, trying to pour what I couldn't say into notes and chords, but it just came out as a jumbled mess. I realized I couldn't express everything at once, so I tried to focus on one thing at a time – like finding a way to say goodbye to Bree."

"Why didn't you ever tell me you wrote?"

He shrugged. "Because I never have. That was the first time I've tried to develop lyrics for one of my compositions."

I thought of the complex prose that accompanied his haunting melody. He was a natural. "You're incredible, you know that?"

He smirked. "Well, I'm glad you think so because the feeling is mutual." His stomach rumbled audibly. He laughed, brightening the mood. "Well, woman, you've yet to deliver on the breakfast you've promised me. It appears that my stomach is becoming quite disgruntled."

He telephoned Renee while I set about making us brunch. They spoke for a second before Edward handed his phone to me. I looked at him quizzically and he shrugged his shoulders. "She asked to speak to you. I'm going to pour some orange juice, do you want some?"

I nodded as I took the phone and balanced it between my ear and my shoulder. "Hey Renee! What's up?"

"Hi Bella. What are you making for breakfast?"

I laughed. "Well, it was getting kind of late so I settled on brunch instead. I'm making us egg, ham and cheese sandwiches with hash browns. Want me to bring some back to you?"

"Actually, the nurses have already told me that Bree will be having dialysis once the testing is done, so there won't really be a need for us all to be here. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

Renee had suggested that Edward take the opportunity to go somewhere different. As always, Edward had insisted on remaining close to the hospital.

"Bella, he's too young to be wasting his life away here. Bree wouldn't want that. Please, talk him into doing something with you. Take him far away from here; get his mind off things for a while."

"But, what if you need us, Renee?"

"I'll call Edward the moment anything changes. You all can be back here in no time. He's gonna put up a fight, but this will be good for him. Heck, it will be good for both of you. You're the only one who will be able to convince him." She coaxed.

I promised I would see what I could do.

Edward and I chatted while we ate, trying to figure out what we would like to do. He admitted that he was getting tired of spending all our time between the Tanner house, the hospital and the bar, but insisted that there was plenty for us to do around town.

"What if we bump into someone you know? You don't think they'll find it strange to see you with me while Bree's in the hospital?" My rationale worked.

"How would you like to meet my friends?" I offered as I bit into my sandwich.

"You mean, the band? I've sort of already met them, remember?"

I shook my head. "No, some _mystery guy_ asked my _band mates_ for their autographs, but my _boyfriend_ has never had the chance to spend time with my _friends._" He smirked. "Oh! And we can show them the lyrics we wrote for Rosie and Emmet's song!" I bounced up and down in my chair. "Oh, please Edward! You have no idea how important this is to me! _Please? Please? Please?_ "

He broke out into the crooked smile that always did me in. "Well, you might as well give them a call and let them know we're coming over."

I raced around the table and plopped unceremoniously into his lap, peppering his face with kisses, eliciting an even broader, more dazzling smile.

Felix was off doing something boring with Demetri, so he wouldn't be able to come, but the rest of the gang was all anxious to really get to know Edward. I convinced everyone to meet us at the Hale's house just after noon.

Edward offered to take his Volvo so that we would make decent time on the road. I ignored the jab at my faithful old truck because, let's face it, she _was_ slow and just because she'd been good to me didn't mean I needed to push her anymore than I had to.

I laughed when we drove past the small shoulder that we had broken down on recently.

"What's so funny?"

"We've just passed our breakdown point. Congratulations, we've officially beaten the curse!" I giggled.

He blessed himself dramatically. "Let's not celebrate until we're parked safe and sound at your friend's house, okay? I don't want to tempt fate."

As we rounded the familiar curves near Jasper and Rosalie's home, I became nervous. Things had gone so smoothly with Edward and Renee that I had never considered the possibility that they might not go so well with my friends.

_What if he didn't like them? What if Rosie tested him in some attempt to scare him off before he could hurt me? What if Al came on too strong, asking how many children he wanted? What if Emmet said something wholly inappropriate to embarrass me? What if Jazz…_

I stopped myself there. Jazz was the one person I didn't have to worry about.

_God bless you, Jasper Whitlock Hale!_

"Bella, are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick."

I pulled down the passenger side vanity mirror. Sure enough, I was pale and a slight sheen of sweat had collected on my brow. I tried to laugh it off. "Just a little nervous, I guess."

His mouth dropped open. "Well, that's reassuring! You're really that worried I'm gonna screw this up?"

I stared at him, mimicking his incredulous expression. "Not _you! Them!"_ I stabbed a finger towards the home that we had come to park in front of. "I've only brought a guy home once before and, well, you know how that turned out. I'm hoping to God they don't do something to scare you off."

Edward laughed cynically. "Let me get this straight: you're bringing your married boyfriend home – the one with the terminally ill wife on dialysis right now – and you're worried _they're_ going to say something to upset _me?_" I nodded, pouting. He gently took my hand, brushing his soft lips against my knuckles. "I'm not going anywhere, Bella."

I cocked a little grin. "Well then, what are we waiting for?"

They were expecting us, so I didn't bother to pause to knock. As I shut the front door behind us, he looked around the foyer appreciatively. Having heard the door shut, Ali raced around the corner, skidding to a stop as she came to stand in front of us. "Hi Edward!" She hurried past me to hug Edward like he was her long lost cousin. I dropped my head and took a deep, calming breath.

"Down Alice! Down girl!" I pried the Chihuahua off my boyfriend, looking apologetically over her shoulder. "Sorry, Edward. We try to keep her drugged so she doesn't get so excitable."

Jasper calmly turned the corner into the foyer, adding "Oopsy. Is it time to up her meds again?" He looped an arm around her, kissing her briefly on the temple before extending his hand out to Edward. "Nice to see you again, Edward. We've been looking forward to getting to know you better."

Edward clasped Jazz's hand firmly, warmth oozing from his smile. "Hi Jasper. Your home is amazing; I'm glad Bella brought me here."

Jazz shrugged. "Thanks, but I can't take any of the credit for that."

Alice giggled mischievously. "Yeah, he's just a spoiled rotten rich kid, isn't that right sweetie?"

The left side of Jasper's mouth lifted up into a flirtatious little grin. "And you're just my spoiled rotten little girlfriend, aren't you darlin'?"

Edward watched them with a sparkle in his eyes. I grabbed his hand to get his attention. "Get used to it - they're like this _all the time._"

He pulled me into an embrace. "I kind of like it. Maybe someday, we can be like that too." He said it quietly enough that he didn't even disturb Jazz and Ali's little bubble-o-mushiness.

My heart thumped.

_Dear God, I want that. I want to be a stomach-flipping, hurl-inducing, skin-crawling, lovey-dovey couple!_

Jazz interrupted my thoughts. "Alice and I were just about to grab some snacks and head down to the studio to meet up with Em and Rosalie. Wanna help us carry everything?"

Edward released me to follow Jasper. "Lead the way."

Alice hooked her arm around mine, squeezing my hand giddily. "I like him, Bella!"

"I appreciate that, Al, but could you maybe ease up just a little bit?" I rolled my eyes. "It would be kind of great if you all didn't send him running for the hills."

She clucked her tongue at me. "Don't worry about it, Bella. He's going to fit in just fine here. I can feel it." With one more squeeze of my hand, she hurried off to catch up with the guys in the kitchen.

A few minutes later, we wandered down into the basement, our arms loaded with goodies as if we were hunkering down for Armageddon.

"Slim Jims!" Emmet tore one out of the arm full of snacks Edward was carrying, not even attempting to help unburden his load. We laid the treats along the small table, everyone swooping in to get their favorites.

"So, Edward…" Emmet started, "Slim Jim or Twinkie?" He held them out as if offering, holding them suggestively near his crotch. His eyes sparkled as his dimpled grin dared Edward to make the right choice.

"Rose, can you _please_ control your boyfriend?" I whined.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Bella, you already know the answer to that, don't you?"

This was the most juvenile of Emmet's supposed "Freudian Tests". The choices were phallic symbols. Choose one and Edward would be tagged as long, thin and limp. Choose the other and he would be labeled as short, fat and soft for life. Worst of all, there was no right answer. Jasper still hadn't lived down choosing the beef jerky when Emmet started this little game two years ago.

Edward looked confused for a second before something dawned in his eyes. He narrowed his gaze at the big guy with the snack foods, tightening his lips in concentration. You could physically see the change when he thought of his answer.

"Well, actually Emmet, I was hoping for a nice, hot foot long, but then I noticed you didn't have one of those." He cocked his head to the side, looking at Emmet as if he were a disfigured puppy.

"Oh, _BURN_!" Rosalie shouted in triumph.

Emmet's broad smile wasn't phased in the least. He held the snack foods in one hand, offering the other in defeat. "Good one, man. Welcome to the club." As they shook hands, I beamed at Edward's brilliance and quick wit. Rosalie was still the most guarded with him, but besting her boyfriend at his own game had definitely earned him some brownie points in her book.

We chatted and joked idly and my heart swelled within my chest. _He fits as neatly into my world as I do into his. _Another puzzle piece snapped into place.

"So, guess what?" I interrupted when I simply couldn't wait anymore.

"Chicken butt!" Emmet burst. Rosalie smacked him upside the head before I had their undivided attention.

"Edward happens to be a classically trained pianist and a brilliant songwriter." I gushed.

Edward's face darkened. "Bella…" he started to protest.

"Inexperienced? Yes. But brilliant just the same, Edward." I gave him an insistent look and he shook his head, drawing into the couch with humility. "Anyway, I think we have the lyrics to the song you wrote." Ali's face lit up and I stopped her before she could ask. "It's not a love song, but it's definitely different from our other stuff."

I shuffled through my purse, pulling out the lyrics that we had scribbled the night before. They listened intently as I sang a cappella, obviously moved by the words.

"I like it." Emmet said.

"It's perfect!" Ali was ever the optimist.

"Do you mind if I take a look at it?" Ro held her hand out to me expectantly. Jazz read over her shoulder, an identical expression on their sibling faces as they scrutinized the words.

Edward seemed nervous.

"I'd like to make a couple of small changes. A word here or a different phrasing in some cases, but I definitely think it will work." Jazz mused.

Edward exhaled with relief.

We spent the rest of the afternoon fine tuning the song. Everyone praised Edward, thanking him for his contribution. He remained humble, declining the praise and insisting that it was all my doing. However, credit went to him for naming the song. He called it "A Fighting Chance".

The afternoon was a success - a thoroughly pleasant reprieve from what was quickly becoming a daily routine for Edward and me. With the exception of Rosalie, everyone adored him and couldn't be happier for me. Although Ro had no objections to the man that was Edward Cullen, seeing us together had only deepened her concern about my being with him.

She had pulled me aside once while the guys entertained a heated debate over the magic of Elvis versus the genius of the Beatles.

"You still don't like him, do you Rosie?" My shoulders slumped dejectedly.

"He's wonderful, Bella. There isn't one thing for me to dislike."

"Then what's the problem." I flustered.

"The problem is that nothing has changed. He is still a married man, caught up in insurance fraud to try to save a girl who will most definitely die in the near future. The problem is that you are unnecessarily complicating your life to be with him when you could have any man you wanted. And the problem is that you are facing potential heartache for a man that you can't even be sure is worth it." She spoke in hushed tones so that her voice wouldn't carry to the other side of the room, but her whispers were intense just the same.

"That's where you're wrong, Ro. I _know_ he's worth it. We haven't known each other long, I admit that, but there's something about him. I can't explain it. He's amazing. He's passionate and smart and kind and caring and sensitive and strong and…he's just…he's just _everything_ Rosalie. Can't you understand that? If you were me and Edward was Emmet, would you have just been able to turn your back on him because it was more convenient?"

She swallowed and I thought I had won.

It was quite the opposite. "I was wrong. The problem is worse than I thought because you _have_ changed. How long did it take you to fall in love with James? Six months? You've known Edward for a month, Bella, and suddenly he's _everything?_ You don't believe in love at first sight, remember? You believe that true, long-lasting love develops over time. Isn't that what you always told me? And yet, here you are rearranging your life, orbiting around him and his wants and needs. You're falling, too, and you're going to get hurt. Like I said, I'll be there to pick up the pieces when you do…I'm just afraid there won't be much to put back together."

"You don't _know_ him, Rosalie." I tried to sound scathing, but there was too much hurt in my voice.

"I know. The question is, do I know _you_?" I could see it very plainly on her face that she did not intend to hurt me. She was wholeheartedly worried for my well being and was sincerely attempting to be the voice of reason and logic.

But I didn't want reason and logic. _I wanted the support of my friend in a world where everything else was hard enough as it was._

Her lecture planted a seed of doubt on the long ride back to the hospital.

_Had it really only been a month since Edward walked into that bar? _I tried to do the math in my head.

_Shit! This time last week Rosalie was doing just what she said - picking up the pieces when Edward left me crying and broken, believing that I was garbage for sleeping with a married man._

How could that be?

In a month, Edward really had turned my world around. I jumped from one night stands to a committed relationship. I forewent sexual pleasure for emotional bonds. My spare time revolved around thinking about him, talking to him or being with him. I was losing myself in him.

In one month, he was already talking about making _love _to me.

_You can't fall in love in a month? A week?_

I had made _love_ to someone just four months ago – _to the same man who had impregnated another woman._

_What do I know about love?_

My head was swimming. Rosalie's comments aside, the day had been beautiful and pleasant. I worked on not letting her disparaging comments drag me down.

We made it back to the hospital with an hour left to spare before I had to head out to meet everyone at the bar.

I managed to veil my stormy thoughts until we got to Bree's room. That was when all hell broke loose.

As we stepped off the elevator, we could see Renee standing just outside the doorway, panic stricken in the arms of a tall, thin man with a receding hairline. Nurses hurried in and out, spewing medical jargon or carrying different medical supplies and equipment. Edward and I ran down the hallway towards them.

"What the hell's going on, Renee?"

He tried to push past them into the room, but the tall man put an arm out to block him. "Stay out of the way, Edward. Let them do what they have to do."

"Phil, what's happening? Why didn't anyone call me?"

Renee's husband replied despondently. "Don't you think we tried, Edward? We couldn't reach you."

Edward patted his pockets frantically, yanking his phone out and flipping it open. "Shit! I forgot to charge it."

Phil continued solemnly. "Renee called me when the doctor's found something on Bree's tests this morning. I got here as soon as I could. The tests showed that the cancer has now metastasized in her lungs via the blood stream. That's all we know for now. Bree started crashing again while we were talking to the doctor."

Edward began hyperventilating. I reached out to grab his hand, to comfort him. He surprised me when he yanked his hand away from me, as if my touch scorched his skin.

"You see this, Bella! _This _is important! Not playing rock band with your friends." He jabbed his fist toward the ground. "I should have been here! I should have been worrying about something that matters instead being an hour away worrying about impressing your fucking friends! I can't believe I listened to you!"

The walls came crumbling down around me. Some part of me knew that he didn't mean it. Some tiny little voice told me how very, very sorry he would be when this anger and frustration and fear faded away. However, that did little to comfort the bigger part of me that was fighting back a fresh wave of tears. That tiny part was overwhelmed by the bigger, gaping wounds that James had left behind. Edward had just ripped through that scar tissue, squeezing the hurt and pain right back to the surface.

Renee's eyes went wide at Edward's words. She looked at me, her mouth a perfect "Oh" as she waited to think of the right thing to say to comfort me.

I shook my head.

I couldn't take her sympathy or comfort right now. Not when her daughter was dying only a few feet away from us. Not while the man who was practically her son fell apart within arms reach. She needed to be strong for them right now; not me. No matter how much I felt like I belonged with this family, I was a stranger. An outsider.

_And that's exactly where I need to be._

_Outside._

_Now._

"I'm so, so sorry Renee. Call me if there is anything I can do."

I took one last fleeting, longing glance at the fuming man beside me before hurrying down the hallway and out into the crisp autumn air.

I fumbled with my keys, barely able to see through the unshed tears pooling in my eyes. I finally stabbed my key into the lock and turned, tearing the door open and flinging myself inside the cab.

The tears flowed easily then.

I cried.

**A/N:** _Awwwww, Bella's sad. Throw some reviews her way to cheer her up!_

_In the meantime, the hideout isn't as glorious as I imagined, but at least I have an address to ship the lemons to!_


	22. Back On My Feet

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. All the rest of this brilliance is property of my twisted little brain._

Warning: _Teeny, teeny, tiny pinch of lime._

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,014 Words_

**CHAPTER 22: BACK ON MY FEET**

It took five minutes for me to cry out the hurt and regain my strength.

_Edward didn't mean it. _

I wanted to be there with him, to be strong for him – but I knew he needed space more than he needed comfort, so I consoled myself with the thought that leaving had been for the best.

I called the nurse's station from the parking lot to ask about Bree's condition. Privacy laws meant that they wouldn't share details with me, but they did assure me that the doctors were still with her and the family. At least I could perform tonight with the hope that she still had a fighting chance.

I was thankful for the extra hour I had before the band arrived. I cleaned myself up and pulled myself together nicely, ensuring that they would not know I had cried. Recent conversations told me that I had leaned on them long enough. I was not humpty dumpty and they were not the king's men. From now on, I would hold myself together on my own. No matter what happened from here on out, Rosalie would never have to worry about collecting the shattered pieces again.

I put on the best performance of my life. Not for the crowd – but for my friends. Not once did they ask me what was wrong. Not once did they have to comfort or console me. I made it through the night without them ever knowing that my thoughts were with Edward and Bree fifteen minutes away.

I finished the performance to find a text message waiting for me.

Edward had texted: "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

I kept my reply simple as I climbed into the truck for the long drive home. "I know. How's Bree?"

My phone rang as I was pulling out of the parking lot.

"Bella, please forgive me. The things I said to you were awful. I didn't mean any of it and-"

I cut him off. "I didn't leave because I was mad, Edward. I left because _you_ were. You were scared and upset - it's understandable. Therefore, there's nothing for me to forgive."

He sounded so broken. "Really Bella? How could you possibly mean that after-"

"Really, Edward. I mean it. Don't worry about it. How's Bree? Is she-"

He cut in. "She's on life support. She can't breath on her own anymore."

It took a minute for that to sink in. She hadn't died, but she was one step closer. I didn't know if it was better to hope for her to survive now or to pray for God to end her suffering. Both options just seemed cruel to everyone involved.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do?"

He sighed. "No. If you've really forgiven me, then that was all I needed."

"Do you want me to go to the hospital? I'm still in Port Angeles – I'm not that far away." I slowed, pulling onto the shoulder of the highway, waiting for him to decide.

"Thanks Bella, but that's okay. Renee's sleeping on the couch, Phil's already knocked out in the recliner and I'll be passing out in the arm chair soon. We probably won't be leaving her side from this point on. I feel terrible, Bella. This selfish part of me wants her to fight to get better. I miss my friend. But seeing her like this, watching her deteriorate…withering into this ghost of the woman I used to know…seeing the constant heartache on Phil and Renee's faces as she drags on…it's just too much, you know? That part of me wants her to move on so that she can find peace already. I want her to let go so that _we_ can move on and find peace. I'm just so sick and tired of this purgatory we're all in."

"I understand, Edward. Trust me…I know what you mean. I'm so sorry I can't do more."

"You do more than enough. You're my little piece of heaven in all of this. I dozed off a little while ago. I dreamt that heaven was at full capacity, so they had to clear some room for Bree's arrival. That's why they sent you back to earth. How lucky for me to get to have two angels in my life, if even for a little while."

I was moved to tears. "I'm no angel, Edward." I thought about the random men, the temper tantrums, the drunken nights, how I've abused my friends.

"You are to me, Bella."

I drove for five minutes with absolute silence on the line, concentrating on the road while trying to sort everything out in my head. "Are you still there?"

"I'm still here." He was exhausted and weary.

"You should get some sleep. It's been a long day and you need to rest."

"I don't know when I'll get to talk to you again." He sounded worried.

"I'll see you soon, I promise. I'm only one phone call or text away when you want me."

"I'll always want you." He whispered.

I wanted to say it back, but it was too much too soon. I didn't like to depend on promises and declarations made during dark moments. Things never look the same when the light shines again.

"Good night, Edward. Sweet dreams."

"Good night, Bella. Be safe."

The rest of the drive was peaceful and quiet, despite the loud, obnoxious thoughts stirring in my brain.

I was awakened Friday morning by a high-pitched squeal and the slamming of a door, only to find my bed quaking viciously beneath the feet of a tiny human.

"BELLA! WAKE UP! THEY'LL BE HERE NEXT FRIDAY! WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK, THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE!" The bed quivered and stilled as Ali jumped off and raced out of my room.

_I really need to look for a laid back roommate who likes to sleep in late._

I stumbled out into the living room, across the hallway to Alice's bedroom to ask for an explanation. Her door was wide open as she pulled on some jeans and yelled "Emmet! Get over to the studio, quick! We have to practice."

I heard a yawn come over the speaker phone. "Why, Alice? It's nine in the morning. We don't have to perform for hours.

Alice was slipping a slinky tank top over her head. "The record producer is coming next Friday. We only have a week!"

"Holy Shit!" I echoed Emmet's sentiment exactly as I bolted back to my room to get dressed.

_Seven days. We have seven freaking days to come up with at least two more songs so that we could have a completely original set. And no two songs would do. We needed the two most fuck-awesome songs of our career if we were going to pull this off._

I suddenly remembered the haunting song Edward had written for Bree.

_That was terrific and it was so much better than anything we're going to come up with in a week._

I could hear it playing in my head. Imagine the chords the twins could add behind Alice's keyboard. I could almost feel the faint beat Emmet would be playing on the drums.

"_You see this, Bella! This is important! Not playing rock band with your friends." _Edward's angry words echoed in my head. He was in the hospital right now, slowly watching his best friend fade away.

That song was personal and private. I felt guilty for even considering using it for my own selfish gain. How could I even possibly form the words to ask him? _"Edward, I'm really sorry Bree's gonna die soon, but since she won't be needing that song you wrote for her, mind if we scam it to earn a record deal?"_

I was disgusted with myself, but it didn't stop our band's version of it from forming in my head as we drove to the Hale's house.

We didn't really meet up to rehearse as much as we met up to try and design our ultimate playlist. We made a list of all of our current songs. We even revived a couple of the numbers we felt we had outgrown, just in case we could find new life in them. When working together grew tense, we each took off to different corners of the room with our own particular instruments, searching in vain for inspiration.

I got Edward's "Good Morning" text around eleven. He had slept particularly late. I guess the drama of the previous night had really worn him out.

Needing a brief escape from the pressure of writing, I called him.

"I miss you." I spouted the moment he picked up.

He exhaled, exasperated. "I miss you too."

"How is she? How are you all doing?" It was strange how I suddenly wanted to be there with him in his anguished hell rather than to be here without him.

"The same…She's just not there anymore." The pain in his voice was heart wrenching. "What are you doing?"

My situation was so very lame in comparison that I didn't want to tell him. "Nothing." Then, I felt bad for lying to him. "Well, I'm working with the band." Then, I felt worse because I didn't want him to think that I would choose to play around with the band instead of being there with him, so I gave in and explained. "Alice got a call this morning that the producer will be watching us perform next Friday, so we're scrambling our brains to put a complete original set together. We still need at least two more original songs."

"Any luck with that so far?"

"Nope. I'm struggling. Every time I think I'm on to something, the tune warps in my head and turns into the song that you wrote for Bree. Nothing I come up with can compete to that, so I'm getting a little disheartened." I clamped my hand over my mouth.

_What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I even bothering to mention my stupid-ass problems to him right now? Like he didn't have enough to worry about!_

"I'll tell you what," I continued without a pause, "I'm not doing any good here. Why don't I come up there and bring you all something to eat?"

_There. Much better. That's more like what a girlfriend should be doing right now!_

Edward caught me off guard when he spoke. "Bella, I thought you said you forgave me? That you knew I didn't mean what I said?"

"I do." I mumbled, confused by the turn our conversation had taken.

"Then don't belittle your problems on my account. Performing for a producer and trying to earn a possible record deal is huge. I wish I could be there with you and help you work it out. If you really like that song and if you really think it could help, then you're welcome to use it or change it anyway you like."

_How can I possibly take advantage of this offer when he is distraught?_

"I couldn't, Edward. That's private – it's something you personally wrote for Bree. I couldn't possibly…"

"Bella, the best songs are personal. Really, I'm not going to do anything with it. Let's face it, Bree will never even hear it. If you all use that song and earn that record deal, it would be the greatest possible way I could honor her."

He didn't sound distraught. He sounded resolved, confident and sincere.

"You mean it? Alice has never heard you play it, so it won't sound exactly the same, though I'll try to hum the tune to her as best as I can. I wouldn't dare touch the lyrics – they're too beautiful, but we'd have to work Rosie, Jazz and Em into it also. I just don't want to use you-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I'm you're boyfriend. This is what couples do. I have no doubt that you'll do right by me. I just can't wait to hear your version of it."

Edward talked me through the lyrics so that I could write them down verbatim. Then he was even kind enough to talk Ali through some of the melody, giving her notes on the keyboard part that I wouldn't have been able to understand.

After promising to keep me updated on Bree's condition, I let him go to resume his careful vigil.

I sang the lyrics to everybody, satisfied when their eyes grew teary just as mine had done when I heard Edward sing it.

This was definitely a new sound for us. We had done angry, sassy, fun and sexual, but we had never touched on this kind of emotion before. Edward's gentle touch had transformed yet another part of my life.

Having heard the melody as I sang a cappela, everyone began fidgeting with their instruments, trying to pick out their parts. My instructions were simple: "Keep it melancholy. Make it haunting." After that, I worked primarily with Al, trying to help her replicate the notes I remembered Edward playing on the grand piano.

We managed to get through the song three times before we needed to gear up for our performance, but it still needed a lot of work before I would be satisfied presenting it to Edward.

I logged onto Jazz's computer while everyone loaded their instruments into the Jeep. If I timed it properly, the basket of snacks that I ordered would make it to the hospital right about the time we were getting on stage, and the bouquet of daisies and sunflowers should arrive shortly after. It wasn't much, but I needed to let them know that I was with them in spirit, even if I couldn't be there personally.

I received the first text message during our break. "How can you manage to feed us even when you're not here?" I replied with a little sideways smiley face.

Upon finishing the set, I got the second message. "Bree loves the flowers. They really brighten up a room, just like you."

I texted him back. "Missing you."

"Same here. Be safe."

"Sweet dreams."

I made it through the weekend in a haze. Days were spent rehearsing, arguing and making up with the band. The nights were spent doing mediocre performances, our minds collectively lost on our impending judgment day. Edward's phone calls and text messages were scattered throughout the day, creating a constant life-line to my parallel life – the one that I no longer told my friends about. We were stressed enough about our big performance; I didn't need them simultaneously worrying for me or about me.

Edward surprised me Sunday night. I was straightening up the dressing room while everyone else mingled with the audience and loaded up the equipment. "Looks like I missed an excellent performance." He stood just inside the doorway, looking tired despite his freshly showered appearance. The circles beneath his green eyes had darkened severely since I saw him on Thursday.

In the three days since I last saw him, I had convinced myself that I was overreacting. It was obvious that I wasn't nearly as caught up in Edward Cullen as Rosalie had suggested. Here I was, focusing on the band, leaving him to deal with his own troubles. Sure, I thought about him and how nice it might be to see him, but I was clearly in control of my own emotions. I could very easily take this slowly, see if true feelings manifested over time.

Seeing Edward unexpectedly clearly proved that theory wrong.

"Edward!" I squealed, throwing myself at him, wrapping my arms and legs around him as we kissed.

The kiss went from sweet to passionate in ten seconds flat. _"Oh, Bella!"_ He supported my weight with one hand firmly cupping my ass while the other twisted into my wild, rock star hair, pulling me intently into his fiery kiss.

"I've missed you so much, Edward!" My words were muffled by his ever present lips.

I plowed my fingers into his thick hair, pulling back so that I could suck on the length of this throat. "God Bella, I've missed you too!" He groaned.

Someone cleared their throat. An evil pixie laughed.

"Do you think you can keep your hands off Edward long enough for us to say hi, or what?" Emmet mimicked with a big, goofy grin on his face.

I bit my lip and studied Edward's gorgeous, flushed face and rumpled hair. "Um…Nope. Sorry Em. I thought about it…really, I did…but I just don't see that happening."

Edward broke into another dazzling smile seconds before I latched back onto his candy lips.

He spun us around so that I had my back to my friends as I began nibbling along his jaw. I felt his hand comb through my hair as he pulled his fingers out and waved. "Um, hi everybody. Guess we…um…sort of…_oh_…" I had apparently found the soft spot behind his jaw and below his ear that made speech difficult.

_I liked it!_

"No talking. More kissing." I muttered against his throat.

I could feel him shrug apologetically to my friends before pulling my lips back to his, thrusting his tongue into my mouth to stroke it erotically against mine.

"Oh my God, is that what we look like?" Rose whined from behind me.

"Um-hm" Ali and I responded in unison as I continued my assault on his perfect mouth.

Jazz took on the accent of a British intellectual narrating a wild life special. "Here we catch a rare glimpse of a rock star attempting to mate in her normal habitat. Notice how, in this scenario, her male mate submits to her aggressive attacks quite easily. The rock star forgoes the mundane "missionary" position, choosing instead to mount her mate, surreptitiously willing the clothes to disappear so that she may make contact with his eager loins."

We pulled away from each other, bursting out in laughter as the others joined us. I gave in, dropping my stranglehold and allowing him to lower me back on my feet.

**A/N:**_ I warned you, I gotta make these limes last until the lemon shipment arrives. It should be here any time now._

_In the meantime, do you see how your reviews helped make everything better? Why don't you give it another try and see if we can get those crazy kids back together again?_


	23. Soup And Sandwiches

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. And, I might have stolen a little quote from the movie, but the rest is my own personal brand of literary brilliance._

Warning: _No lemons, no limes, but plenty of drama!_

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,381 Words_

**CHAPTER 23: SOUP AND SANDWICHES**

Within minutes, Edward grudgingly told me that he needed to get back to the hospital. He had only left to shower and change when he had the sudden, overpowering urge to pop in and see me.

Like an alcoholic who could refuse the drink until it was placed before him, now that I had Edward in front of me, I wasn't willing to let him go. With that, I said goodbye to my friends and rode with him back to the hospital.

Renee was glad to see me and, despite my feelings when I left on Thursday night, her embrace told me that I was family now. I was formally introduced to Phil – a quiet, gentle man whose face was haggard with worry. Renee willingly moved to the arm chair so that Edward and I could crowd onto the love seat where I had slept alone previously. Edward leaned back into the corner of the sofa and I leaned against him, resuming our familiar positions from the night we had spent brainstorming lyrics. It wasn't necessarily an appropriate way for a married man to hold a "friend", but we didn't have many other options. We simply hoped that Renee and Phil's presence in the room would be enough to dissuade any suspicions.

Our accommodations were not comfortable in the least, but we all seemed to prefer proximity over comfort at this point in time. It was late, so we all settled into uneasy slumber as opposed to trying to socialize.

I woke up before Edward Monday morning. When I didn't see Bree's parents, I assumed that they had gone down to the cafeteria for breakfast.

Momma and Big Daddy C had insisted that Jasper and Rosalie stick to their habit of dedicating the day to their studies. Rosie had fought them tooth and nail but, in the end, their parents had persisted. Since I didn't have to worry about rehearsals, I planned to spend the day with Edward.

I slipped out of his embrace to wash up briefly in the bathroom. Afterwards, I caught my first glimpse of Bree's new condition in the sunlight. A tube was down her throat with the billows of some medieval looking medical apparatus pushing air in and out of her lungs. There were more leads and wires and tubes than there had been before but otherwise, she looked very much the same as she had the last time I had stayed here.

However, there was something different. I couldn't _see_ the difference as much as I could _sense_ it. Bree seemed emptier than before. She was the same small, fragile woman covered in the same heavy blankets in the large bed – but she was empty now. _Hollow_.

I hadn't noticed it before – I didn't even know to look for it – but there had been a faint glow about Bree. A subtle thrumming of life as is coursed through her body.

That gentle aura was gone.

Bree Tanner had already slipped quietly into the night. We were no longer holding vigil over her dying body – we were now watching the deterioration of a corpse.

The room had felt colder to me last night. Now I knew why. The room had lost its soul.

Edward stirred as a single tear slid over my cheek.

_If I could feel her loss already, why couldn't they? How could they stay here in this vacuous crypt, holding onto the vacant flesh and bone that her soul was no longer anchored to?_

I wiped my eyes and brightened my face. If they wanted to cling to this reality that Bree still had a fighting chance of recovery, it wasn't my place to tell them differently.

Edward's eyes were still heavy from sleep as he smiled up lazily at me.

"Good Morning." I chirped, attempting to be the sunshine that he needed right now.

"Good Morning." He slurred, opening his arms wide, beckoning me to come back to him.

I settled down beside him, slipping comfortably into his engulfing warmth and greeting him with a chaste kiss.

I jumped up quickly and darted away from him as the door cracked open. Renee and Phil eased in quietly, attempting not to disturb us. They were surprised to see that we were already awake.

"No need to worry, it's just us." Renee assured us when she noted our startled expressions.

Her gracious mask was cracking – something stormy brewing underneath.

I had yet to see Phil smile or make any face aside from his perpetual frown. I didn't judge him for it – who knew how he might be outside of this dire situation? Maybe this somber, sickly looking man was usually the life of the party.

"Have you two just woken up?" Phil asked in a deep, hoarse voice.

Edward still wasn't up to speed, so I answered on his behalf. "I've been awake for a few minutes now. Edward's just gotten up."

Renee smiled sadly at his sleep clouded green eyes. "The doctor is asking to speak to us. Do you want to step into the bathroom and freshen up real quick?"

His back grew stiff as he gruffly wiped at his eyes. "Okay. Yeah. Just give me a second to wash my face." We sat about the room in silence, each of us lost in thought as the sound of running water filtered through the bathroom door. Edward cleaned up quickly and emerged from the bathroom less than five minutes later.

I sat on the loveseat as the three of them walked for the door. Edward turned to me, a look of confusion on his face. "Aren't you coming?"

My mouth dropped open slightly. "I didn't think I should. This is a family matter – don't you think it will be strange if I'm in the room."

Edward sifted his fingers through his hair, ruining the attempt he had just made to smooth it over. There was a look of deep contemplation etched onto his face. "Yeah, I mean…I guess you're right…it might look funny…and I'm sure you'd be uncomfortable…"

Although he was verbally agreeing with me, his tone was saying quite the opposite.

"What is it, Edward?" I pushed.

He shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "It's just…well…I just…", he struggled with the words until they suddenly came out in a rush. "I just want you there. And I know it's selfish, and irresponsible and wrong, but I just don't know what they're going to say and I know it would help me if you were in there with me. You don't have to say anything, you don't have to hold my hand, just be there with me, you know?" His piercing eyes pleaded with me.

I stood up, walked over and squeezed his hand. "If that's where you need me to be, than that's where I'll go." I let go of his hand, coaxing him towards the door where Renee and Phil were waiting for him.

Phil led us to the nurse's station and told them that the doctor was waiting to speak to us. She led the way to a private counseling room and assured us the doctor would be with us shortly.

The room was smaller than my dressing room. There was a round, mahogany table with six heavy mahogany chairs. The seats were padded in a green material that matched what I could see of the carpeting perfectly. A pitcher of water was in the middle of the table with a small stack of Styrofoam cups beside it. The walls were bare aside from the beige textured wall paper.

I sat close enough to Edward that he could feel my knee against his, but leaned my upper body away so that we didn't appear to be touching. As we waited for the doctor to arrive, I spent my time trying to think of platonic gestures I might be able to use if Edward needed consoling. I was too comfortable with him. In the heat of the moment, it would be too easy to grab his hand and hold it, rub his thigh soothingly or hug him tightly. I had to mentally withdraw, to distance myself so that I could maintain control of the ruse while still offering him whatever comfort he needed.

Dr. Weber was a strong, self-assured looking man. He appeared to be Edward's height with a head full of rich, blue-black hair. He held his shoulders back, squared with pride. He had the kind of appearance that automatically inspired confidence. He greeted them informally, as if he were going through the pain and heartache and worry right along with them.

Edward introduced me as a family friend. Mr. Weber shook my hand formally, obviously maintaining his professional demeanor with me, at least.

Dr. Weber's words confirmed what I had felt back in the room. For all intensive purposes, the Bree Tanner that they knew and loved was gone. The body that they now spent their days and nights hovering over was riddled throughout with cancer. It had already invaded her colon, spleen, kidney and lungs and was beginning to affect her adrenal gland and lymph nodes. She had long ago suffered complete kidney failure and could no longer breathe on her own. Furthermore, although she had maintained very limited brain activity after the first severe episode she experienced, there had been no further brain activity since she became deprived of oxygen Thursday night.

Bree had no living will – there was no record of how she personally wished to proceed in the current situation, so the decision to continue life support or terminate now rested squarely on their shoulders.

Dr. Weber asked if there were any questions, but my friends only shook their heads with blank stares. He apologized to us, promising that he had done the very best he could for her. Phil nodded, mumbled "Thank you" and extended his hand to the doctor. As the doctor left us alone in the room, Renee and Edward had matching, vacant expressions on their faces.

There were no tears. There was no shock. They had seen this coming for quite some time now. They had each prepared themselves for this moment, knowing all along that it was coming. All there was to do now was to accept it.

"We have to let her go." Renee said to no one in particular.

Edward nodded dumbly.

Phil said that it's what Bree would want them to do.

With little discussion, the decision had been made.

"Do you want to sign the papers now, or do you want to wait?" Phil asked Edward.

"That's completely up to when you two feel comfortable doing it. I support you entirely." Edward responded with a subtle look of confusion.

Renee dropped her head, shaking it infinitesimally. I registered pity in Phil's eyes as he replied. "Edward, you have to sign the documents."

Edward's eyes widened as he stared back at the thin man, absolute shock and horror written on his face. "What do you mean?"

Phil proceeded carefully "You're her husband, Edward. Therefore, you have power of attorney. It will be up to you to sign the papers to terminate life support."

"You can't be serious! You know I'm not really her husband! How could you possibly ask me to do that?"

Phil's shoulders hunched with exhaustion. "I know it's not easy, Edward, but its part of the whole thing. We gave up our right to choose for Bree when you agreed to marry her. Of course, we stand behind you on this decision; but legally, they won't let us have any say in the matter. As her legal husband, all decisions for her care must go through you – including the decision to end it."

Edward stood up abruptly, knocking his chair over in the process. "I won't do it! I won't sign her death sentence!" He was visibly trembling from head to toe. I stood up behind him, righting his chair and grabbing his hand to calm him.

Renee stared up at him through long lashes, her lips and face absolutely colorless under the emotional strain. "Please, Edward. Hasn't she been through enough? This is the last thing we can do for her to grant her peace."

Edward's face flushed, belying the sudden spike in his blood pressure. "I'd do anything for Bree and you know it. I've married her, I've committed insurance fraud and I've sat by her bedside day and night. I've turned my life upside down for her! I will not allow the very last thing I do for her to be ending her life! I will not have my name on the document that damns her to die! How can you not understand that?"

Phil stood up, his own face turning red with heat. "You are an educated man so you can't possibly pretend that you did not know this duty would fall to you when the time came. We have made this decision together. We all knew this was coming. You are not alone in this, Edward! "

"That's easy for you to say -it won't be your fucking signature on the paper! I won't do it. Find another way to kill your daughter because I refuse." There was a thundering slap as Phil's palm smacked against Edward's cheek. I gasped audibly as their eyes burned into each other. "That's a wonderful way to thank me for all I've done for your family, Phil. But as persuasive as you may be, I'm still not signing. C'mon Bella." He pulled me around Phil and past Renee's sobbing body. My fingers were turning blue in his tense grasp, but he didn't let go of my hand – even after we left the privacy of the room and entered the hallways where others could see.

Apparently, the time for maintaining appearances had passed.

Edward stormed through the hospital, bypassing the elevators in his anger to take the stairs, towing me behind him all the way. He paused for a moment in front of the Hospital entrance, blinded by the bright sunlight we hadn't expected.

_Funny how it always catches me off guard to find the sun shining on terrible days like this. Just seems more appropriate that there be stormy weather._

He used the remote entry to unlock the Volvo, pulling the passenger door open swiftly for me to get in. I slid into the car silently, waiting for him to storm around and climb into the driver's seat.

He sped out of the hospital parking lot, cutting off another car as he swerved out onto the main drag. Although I understood his anger and frustration and sympathized whole heartedly, his driving was scaring me.

"You should put your seat belt on." I whispered, hoping not to upset him.

He laughed without humor. "You should put _your_ seat belt on!"

I swallowed before reaching across him, grabbing his shoulder strap and pulling it across his body. Once the tab clicked, I returned to my seat and fastened my own buckle. We had reached the highway.

He was speeding terribly fast down the slick road and it terrified me, but I was afraid that saying something might only lead to a fight and lessen his concentration, so I settled for gripping the edge of my seat tightly and fixing my stare at the winding road, silently willing him to calm down. Somehow, it worked.

Ten minutes into the drive, I caught him glancing at me out of his peripheral vision. "I'm scaring you, aren't I?"

I didn't bother lying – he could clearly see the fear in my eyes. The car slowed till he was maintaining the speed limit.

As his face slowly returned to a healthy color, I pried my fingernails out of the leather interior and relaxed my jaw and forehead. "Where are we going?"

He sighed. "I don't know, to be honest. I hadn't really thought about it, I just had to get away from there." I wasn't entirely sure I believed him. Even if he had only done it subconsciously, the next stop on this highway was my little hometown. "Do you think…do you think we might be able to hang out at your place for a little while? I just need to clear my head."

I reached over to take his hand. "Sure."

As I directed him to our little apartment, I texted Ali to let her know that we were on our way. Found out she was shopping in Seattle, so we'd have the place to ourselves for the day.

The anger and hurt visibly dissipated as Edward resumed the emotionless mask he had first worn in that private room this morning. I wasn't sure which expression I disliked more.

I let us into the apartment, leaving him in the living room while I went to the kitchen to get us something to drink. I looked in the fridge to see what I could offer him and turned back to shout out the options. I was surprised to find him standing right beside me, a new, familiar look in his piercing green eyes.

The items in the fridge door clanked together loudly as he kicked it shut, grabbing me and pinning me to the kitchen counter in the process. He growled savagely as his mouth devoured mine, every inch of his chiseled body pressing and rubbing against me.

His hands gripped my ass, pulling me hard against his instant erection. I moaned as I rolled my crotch against his ever hardening bulge. He swiftly dropped his hands behind my thighs and lifted me so that I was now seated on the kitchen counter; my legs spread open granting him more direct access to my wet center.

As his fevered kiss continued he bucked his hips against me, his hardness sending electrical shots from my pleasure center throughout the rest of my body. My pussy clenched, signaling its eagerness to welcome his stiff, throbbing heat inside of my body.

_My body was always so willing and ready to succumb to his desires. _

My want and need to pleasure him nearly outweighed my own selfish longings.

"_Oh God."_ He mumbled against my lips, his leather voice like liquid sex. "I need you. I need you so bad. Make me forget, Bella. Make me forget everything."

_No._

"What?" He stepped back, looking at me inquisitively.

I hadn't realized I'd said it out loud, but in the absence of his passionate touch, it was easier for me to keep my head. "Edward, fucking me isn't going to make this go away. Running away and leaving town isn't going to make this go away. _Nothing _is going to make this go away." I could clearly hear the pain and sympathy in my voice. I was heartbroken for him and powerless to fix it.

He crumbled, merging into the broken man right in front of me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to me, using the height of the counter to my benefit so that I could now hold his head over my heart. I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead, willing my own strength and calm to him.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to…"

"No need to apologize, Edward. I knew what you were trying to do, and I wanted it just as much as you did. I've just learned the hard way that we'll both feel worse when it's over and the problems are still there."

_I should thank the countless men it had taken to teach me that very important lesson. You can't fuck away your problems. Ultimately, you just end up fucked in more ways than you started out._

I pulled his face away from my breast so that I could look into his sad eyes. "We don't have to talk about it until you're ready, but we _do_ need to talk about it." He nodded sadly. "For now, why don't we just settle on solving more immediate problems – like what I'm going to fix for lunch."

Edward breathed in deeply and let the air out with a sigh. "It's a soup and sandwich kind of day."

I had a feeling there was more behind the sentiment than I knew, but I didn't think that now was the time to ask. "Soup and sandwiches it is."

**A/N:** _Wow, that was deep and complex! Must be your fault for not sending me enough reviews. _

_Yup, I entirely blame it on you._

_Wanna make it up to me? You know what to do…_


	24. Sure As Hell

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. Everything else was just some random stuff I found floating around in the deep, dark recesses of my unused brain._

Warning: _Does this really seem like an appropriate time for a lemon? I mean, really people…_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,024 Words_

**CHAPTER 24: SURE AS HELL**

We ate our tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches in companionable silence. Jessica was kind enough to take my shift for the night, so I convinced Edward to lay down with me for a little afternoon nap.

Falling asleep to the sound of the strong, steady beat of his heart as he wrapped his body around mine was quickly becoming one of my all time favorite highs. Even as the broken man, there was a strength, confidence, warmth and comfort in his embrace that I had never found in my three years with James.

We slept peacefully, waking up only when our stomachs alerted us that it was time for another meal. I telephoned Ali to let her know that I had ordered a pizza. She was on her way home, so I asked if she would stop by the Thriftway for some ice cream.

"What's the commentary for the day?" She asked with an amused smile in her voice.

"Half Baked." I answered, thinking about the brilliant plan that had put Edward in this most unfortunate of circumstances.

Ali ate quickly before heading off to work, leaving us alone once again. We settled into the couch in our usual positions, a lame horror movie flickering across the television screen that neither of us was paying any attention to.

I excused myself, leaving Edward to stare blankly at the screen while I wandered into the bathroom. I stripped out of my clothes, slipping into my satin robe. I filled the tub with hot water, squeezing just enough lavender body wash under the faucet to create relaxing, aromatic bubbles. I set a few candles around the small vanity, their small flames reflecting brightly enough off of the mirror to illuminate the room with a soft glow. I set my small iPod docking station on the back of the toilet with my relaxation playlist playing quietly in the background.

With the scene set, I wandered back out into the living room to find Edward lost in thought. I turned off the tv and took his hand, leading him off the couch and into the bathroom. A hint of pleasant surprise crossed his expression, never completely drowning out the sorrow and worry and confusion that had been eating away at him all night. "Don't get any ideas." I teased lightly. "I just thought you could use some quiet time to relax."

He kissed me on the tip of the nose and pulled lightly at the knotted sash that kept my robe closed. "You're not joining me?"

I smiled at the insinuation. "I'm not getting in the bathtub with you, if that's what you're thinking." I slid my hands up under his t-shirt, easing it over his head and arms. I allowed my hands to wander back down his body to the fly of his jeans, attempting to be more relaxing than sexual.

No matter how badly I wanted to screw Edward, I was not going to let it happen like this. He wanted to make love to me. I wouldn't take that step until I could be certain I felt the same way. Anything else wouldn't be fair to him.

I slipped his pants and boxers off his hips, reveling in the glorious way the candle light accented the deep contours of his muscled chest, abs and thighs.

With his clothes out of the way, I walked him over to the bathtub. He kept his eyes trained on mine as he lowered himself into the warm water. My phone rang from the other room. As I moved to get it, he grabbed my hand.

"Aren't you staying with me?"

"I just want to get my phone." No matter what, if something was wrong with Bree, he'd want to know.

"Oh no you don't!" He shouted, pulling me roughly so that I tumbled into the bathwater, satin robe and all.

"Edward!" I yelled as I splashed around uncoordinatedly, feeling like a pitiful, wet cat.

He laughed as I flailed about. "Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" I splashed a handful of suds and water into his face.

He grabbed hold of me, tickling as we tumbled around inside of the too-small tub.

"Oh my God! Edward, stop!" I struggled against him in vain. He had shifted us so that we were both on our knees now, his arms darting around me, his fingers fondling all of my most ticklish places.

"I can't breathe!" I gasped between giggles. He finally relented, gasping for air just as thoroughly as I was.

_So much for the relaxing bubble bath._

My robe clung to my body now, my nipples and crotch clearly visible through the soaked, white satin. Edward ran his hands over my hair, smoothing it back out of my eyes. He placed his broad hands on my cheeks, cupping my face delicately, emeralds boring into my soul.

"I love you, Bella." There were a million emotions playing on his face. Lust was one of them, but it was by no means dominant. There was awe and warmth and friendship and admiration. There was adoration and devotion and loyalty. There was determination and sincerity and confidence.

Perhaps it would be easier to say what I didn't see there. There was no confusion, worry, fear or doubt.

The main emotion I saw on Edward's face - the most obvious and yet the hardest for me to recognize – was something I had never seen quite like this before.

_It was love._

My mouth hung open as I processed all of this. Edward continued. "You don't have to say it back. Although I am thoroughly sincere, I understand that this is all rather quick and complicated, so I can't possibly expect you to feel the same way yet. Besides, if you said it now I would always be worried that you were just saying it because you felt obligated to reply. I'd rather hear you say it when it comes from your heart at a moment that feels right to you. For now," he placed my hand over his heart while resting his hand over mine, "this is enough for me."

I was dumbfounded.

_Too much information. Data does not compute._

My ability to form coherent thought had completely malfunctioned. I stared at him blankly, trying to figure out what to do next. For the life of me, I could not figure out the right move. I felt like I was playing chess with a genius and suddenly, every play I thought about making next meant the sudden demise of my queen.

With nothing but wrong choices in front of me, I chose evasion. "Why don't you take a while and enjoy the bath…or….what's left of it. I'm gonna dry off and see who's call I just missed. Take your time. Try to relax. There's no rush. I'll see if Jasper's left anything that you can sleep in."

I walked into my bedroom in a daze, not realizing that my sodden robe was dripping all over my bedroom carpet. Once I registered the soaking mess I was making, I peeled off the wet cloth, pulled a towel out of the hall closet to dry off and changed into a blue tank and short set. Al had already told me where I could find the clothes that Jazz left behind. I found a pair of pajama pants and hoped that Edward wouldn't mind sleeping commando.

My heart sank when I finally checked my missed calls. It was from Renee. Apparently, she had saved my number when I called her the other day.

I slunk into the bathroom to leave the pajama bottoms on the toilet seat for Edward. He had filled the tub once again and was leaning back with his head against the wall, his eyes closed. I hoped that my awkward reaction hadn't hurt him, but he was so quiet and still that it was hard to tell.

Sensing that he might take my advice and relax for a while, I padded back into my bedroom to return Renee's call.

"Bella?" She sounded uncertain.

"Yes Renee, it's me. Is everything alright?"

"No. Nothing's alright, is it sweetheart?" I hated hearing her sound so defeated and hopeless.

"No, I guess it isn't. But is Bree…" I couldn't bring myself to finish the question.

"There is no change in her condition. Edward?" We were forming a conversation out of half finished thoughts.

"He's here with me. I took the night off from work so that I could stay with him. We haven't really talked about it, yet. I'm trying to give him some time to work through it on his own without pressuring him." Renee was silent. "How are you and Phil doing?"

"As to be expected for a couple who just asked a man who is like a son to us to sign the termination of care papers for our only daughter."

"Is there any other way, Renee? Can't he give up his right to decide? Sign it over to you?" I pressed.

"I'm sure there is some way Phil could work that out but that would draw unwanted attention to the marriage. What legitimate husband would give his in-laws the choice whether his wife lives or dies? Can you see how that would look?"

She had a point. In order to stay out of trouble, it was pertinent that everything go by the book. "I just hate seeing Edward go through this. I mean, I feel terrible for all of you. But I can't imagine what it would be like to be asked to sign that paper for someone that you really had no genuine hold on. To give everything that he has given to her, only to have it come to this. It's one thing to be by his best friend's side as she slips away; it's another thing to sign the paper that makes it happen. That's a terrible thing to have to live with – an awful heavy burden for one man to carry on his shoulders."

Renee let out a sigh. "I know, Bella. I know. If there was any other way, I would have insisted. Phil and I never would have asked."

"I believe you. Edward will figure that out too, in time."

"Thanks for taking care of him. I don't know how he would have gotten through this without you."

"I wish there was more I could do. I just feel so helpless, for _all _of you."

"Just love him, Bella. Love him with all of your heart. If you can do that for him, it will be more than enough." My heart constricted.

_Love him? If I can do that for him?_

_But can I?_

"I'm sure he's not ready to speak to me yet, but would you keep me posted on how he's doing? Just a quick call or text to let me know he's alright from time to time?"

I didn't want to break Edward's trust by reporting his every move to Renee, but I hated leaving her to worry any more than she already had to. "I'll do what I can. And, please keep me updated on Bree."

"I will. Good night."

"Good night."

_What was with all the talk about love? What was the rush?_

Everything had been snapping so easily into place – I felt like they were taking the half completed puzzle before me and mixing up the pieces, destroying the happy picture I was working to create.

I climbed onto my bed, staring up blankly at the ceiling, drifting into a thoughtless, peaceful oblivion.

I was brought out of my meditation when the mattress shifted under Edward's weight as he crawled into the bed to lie beside me. The lavender body wash clung to his skin, complementing his natural, sexual scent. It made him smell like heaven and earth at the same time.

We lie there in silence for what felt like eternity, neither of us making a move. When Edward's velvet voice shattered the calm, it made me jump. "I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable. That wasn't my intention. It's just, if I've learned anything today, it's that life is far too short to hold things back." He turned onto his side so that he was facing me. "I'm sure it's overwhelming. I've been in the bath you made for me, worrying about what I will have lost if I've scared you off. Wondering how much you can possibly take before it becomes too much. I'd hate to lose you…but if I had to, I would rather lose you because you know how I felt than to lose you because you didn't."

I turned my head so that I could look up into his frightened face, tracing his lips with my fingertips. "I'm not going anywhere."

He had said he didn't want me to say it back immediately, because he would doubt my sincerity, and I wasn't ready to say it back. Love is something that I take very seriously, and I don't throw it around carelessly. While I take time to figure it all out, I hope that my affirmation would be enough for him, as he had suggested.

I rolled onto my side as he rolled onto his back, running my fingers through his hair soothingly. "How are you doing?"

He closed his eyes, absorbing the calm of my touch. "I don't know what to do…or, perhaps I should say I know what I have to do, I just don't know if I can do it."

"Renee called. She's worried about you." I repeated our conversation for him, letting him know that they had considered the alternatives and had found no other way.

"I know that we all agree, but five years from now, how easy will it to be for their grief to confuse them? What happens when they miss her so terribly that they convince themselves that I was the bad guy who talked them into it? Better yet, how hard will it be for me to live with the knowledge that I single-handedly signed my best friend's death sentence? Every memory, story, photo – everything will be tarnished by that one solemn fact that I willingly ended it all.

"It feels like murder. Logically, I know that it's not. I can rationally consider all the facts and come to the most practical conclusion. If that isn't enough to make it _feel _like the right thing to do, how is that supposed to be enough to help me deal with the guilt and regret when all is said and done? How am I supposed to recover from something like that?"

I could understand what he was saying entirely. Rationale has no bearing on a person's feelings. He wasn't confused about doing what it was his friend needed – he was worried that he might not be able to survive doing it.

"Would it help if yours was not the only signature?" My brain was reaching out at the stirrings of a solution.

"I can honestly say it would. If it was something we did together…I can honestly say it would be easier for me to handle. But that doesn't appear to be an option. It is only my signature that they want."

We rambled on, back and forth for an hour before Edward's deep, rhythmic breaths alerted me that he was asleep.

I studied his features meticulously. His hair was a riot on my pillow, stray strands of bronze, copper and gold resting against his forehead, smoothed by the peace of slumber. His thick brows were relaxed, arching gently over pale, violet-hued lids. Dark, long, thick lashes curled against the fluid curve of his cheek. I had never spent much time looking at noses before, but I imagined that his was near perfect – chiseled out of marble like a classic statue of a Greek God. The moonlight glistened off of his soft, pink lips – beckoning me to taste.

_Could I fall in love with Edward Cullen?_

That was a ridiculous question. The answer to it was so obvious that it hurt. _How could I not fall in love with Edward Cullen?_

He was handsome, sexy, kind, selfless, funny, romantic, brilliant, creative, talented, thoughtful, passionate…the list went on and on.

The more important question was: _Am I in love with Edward Cullen?_

The answer to this was much more difficult. I liked him. I lusted after him. I cared about him. I might even go as far as to say that I was addicted to him. But did any one of those factors – or all of them combined – mean that I was in love with him?

I stared down at him, his heavenly face - his glorious chest. His beauty was enough to make me want to weep. Stripping away the crazy situation we found ourselves in and looking at him simply for the man that he was – I'd be crazy not to be in love with him. He was everything women all over the world wanted. _And he wants me._

Then another question came to mind – the most important question yet. _Could I ever love Edward the way he deserved to be loved? Wholeheartedly, healthily, and without any reservations?_

James left me broken and jaded and skeptical. Edward came into my life when I was just beginning to properly recover from the mess that he had left behind. Worse, I had come into Edward's life right in the eye of his personal storm. His hell hadn't even started yet, much less the recovery from the utter destruction Bree would leave behind. How could we possibly wade through this shit when there was so much weighing us down? How in the world could we beat the sickness that invaded our personal lives to develop a healthy relationship?

The truth is, I don't know. I don't know if I'm in love with him, though I can most definitely feel myself falling fast. I don't know if I can find it in me to rise above the heartache and love him the way that I want to.

What I _do _know is that I sure as hell want to try.

**A/N:**_ You won't believe this – the lemons were being sent by train across the nation to me when there was a train robbery! Some wacko jumped the engineer and jammed a carrot against his head, demanding that he stop the train and surrender all their citrus immediately! Isn't that insane?_

_We are starting a collection for the engineer, who is now suffering from PTSD from the great lemon heist. I recommended my doctor from the free clinic, who has once again suggested plenty of reviews and rest. If you care to review in his honor, I will gladly send your kind words his way._


	25. Pulling Away

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I'm the genius behind the rest of this blather._

Warning: _Not even a lemon drop in sight…_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 2,884 Words_

**CHAPTER 25: PULLING AWAY**

Edward went with us to practice. I texted everyone not to mention "Twilight" so that we wouldn't upset him. However, the first thing he did as we took our positions was ask if we would mind playing it for him. Four pairs of confused eyes were on me.

Edward picked up on our hesitance to play. "If you're trying to keep it private or if you decided not to use it, that's fine. I understand. I was just curious how it might sound."

"Oh, trust me – we're definitely using it!" Em exclaimed. Rosie smacked him upside the head.

I tried to explain. "They're reluctant to play it because I asked them not to. I was worried how…" I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence, but he understood.

He took my hand. "I'd love to hear you play it. I'm actually quite anxious to hear how it sounds."

"Are you sure?" I searched his eyes for any sign of doubt, but there was none.

Edward sat down on a bean bag chair, stoic as we began to play. I poured my heart and soul into his words as I sang them back to him. When I got to the part where he tells her to "embrace the Twilight", Edward dropped his head, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and slender forefinger. His eyes closed tightly as I cried the tears he was fighting back.

He maintained the pose after I finished the lyrics, waiting for the last few notes to fade away before looking at us once again with bloodshot eyes. "Thank you so very, very much. That was incredible."

"Are you kidding me? Why are you thanking us? What you wrote was brilliant and personal, and we can't thank you enough. It means a lot to us, Edward – it's quite a humbling gift you've given, and we don't take that lightly." To my astonishment, this sentiment came from Rosalie. I turned to her as she put her hand on my shoulder with a faint grin and a gentle nod. "Congratulations, Dorothy."

She was letting me know that she was on board now. Edward's heart, talent and selflessness had won over the very last of my friends.

_Click – there goes another piece of the puzzle._

Per Ali's request, Edward worked with her on the keyboard, helping her to fine tune her part so that it sounded more and more like the beautiful composition he had originally arranged. Al was an excellent musician, but even she was intimidated by the complexity of his work. He remained humble despite her numerous declarations that he was a savant, and complimented her own additions to the piece.

With Edward's help, we had now added two new, original songs to the set. With three days till our big performance, we were still looking for one more addition to our repertoire. The pressure was on for the one song that we lacked – a love song. We decided to break early. Rehearsing the same songs over and over again wasn't going to help us get something new and fresh into the mix. Our assignment for the rest of the night was to _find that one song._

As we approached the hospital later that afternoon, I finally found the nerve to broach the taboo subject. "What are you going to do about Bree?"

Edward took a deep, cleansing breath as we turned into the parking lot. "I guess I have to sign the papers. What other choice do I have? I'll hate doing it, but it would be selfish of me to refuse her the peace she so deserves. I'll just have to learn to deal with the rest." I squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Could I ask you to do something for me, though?"

"Anything."

"Do you think you could go up ahead of me and talk to Renee and Phil? Try to talk them into going home for the night. Convince them that they could use a decent meal, a nice hot shower and some rest. I'll stay the night with Bree."

"Are you sure, Edward?"

"I'm not doing it for them, Bella. The truth is that I'm not ready to see them just yet, and I kind of want one night alone with her if I'm going to come to terms with what they are asking me to do. I just want some time to myself to work it all out."

I nodded and kissed him briefly. "I'll see what I can do."

Renee smiled weakly as I entered the room. "Bella." She said in greeting before looking around me. "Where's Edward?"

"He'll be up in a few minutes. How are you two doing?" She answered with a shrug. I knew it was a stupid question, but old habits die hard. "Edward and I would like to spend the night with Bree so that you two can go home and get some rest."

Phil stood up from the recliner. "That's nice but we're fine."

I turned my gaze towards Renee, finding it easier to speak to her because of the connection we had already established. "Renee, with all due respect, we all know that you're not fine. Please, let Edward and I do this for you. Go home, spend some time together. Eat a decent meal, take a hot shower and get some rest. Things aren't going to be any easier and you'll need to be strong if Edward agrees to do this."

Her eyes grew watery as she looked over to her husband. "Phil, she has a point. How are we going to get through this if we're weak and tired and hungry? Bree and Edward deserve more of us. Let's go home. Bella and Edward will take good care of her." Phil gave me dirty look before softening his gaze to nod at his wife. I would venture to say that he didn't like me very much from our brief interactions, but I tried not to take it to heart. After all, he really didn't know me.

Phil brushed Bree's hair back, kissing her sweetly on the forehead. "I'll let the nurse know our plans for the night. Bella-" He dipped his head goodbye as he slipped out the door.

"How is Edward?" I could tell Renee had been anxious to get me alone.

"He's better than yesterday. We've spoken about it just a little bit. I think he's coming to terms with it all."

"But he's not ready to speak to us yet, is he?" I dropped my head and looked up at her apologetically. "I see." She responded. "I understand." She repeated her husband's gestures, running her fingers through Bree's hair and kissing her sweetly upon the forehead. She hugged me tightly, whispering "Thank you" in my ear as she pulled away and scurried from the room.

I texted Edward to let him know that they were leaving.

"So, Bree, since you didn't seem interested in my last offer, how about we renegotiate. Just in case Edward's right and you really do like having me around, I promise to never leave your side. I will be right there, 24/7 for as long as we both may live. You, me and Edward can buy a little house and live happily ever after. I'll make the band play all of your favorite songs upon your request, no questions asked. All you have to do is wake up."

I could swear I saw her eyelids flutter, but it must have been wishful thinking.

I stayed at the hospital a couple of hours before Edward lent me his car so that I could drive to work. It was the first time I had driven anything aside from my truck and it felt an awful lot like cheating.

_But hell, if I was gonna cheat on my classic truck - a shiny, silver Volvo was definitely the way to go!_ This car drives like a dream!

I returned to the hospital after work; I had made friends with security and most of the nurses in the past week so that I no longer had trouble getting in and out after visiting hours. Edward was in the recliner, fast asleep. I took the chair beside Bree's bed, warming her hand in mine. I sang to her, one song after another, until sleep claimed me as well.

Renee and Phil returned early Wednesday morning. I texted Ali, letting her know that I was at the hospital and asking if she might possibly be able to pick me up for rehearsals.

_Guess I hadn't thought that through very well when I rode back to Port Angeles with Edward._

Al promised to pick me up in about an hour. I hated leaving Edward, but we really couldn't afford to skip another rehearsal.

With Renee, Phil and Edward all in the room, you could suddenly cut the tension with a knife. It broke my heart to see the animosity among those who were usually so warm, familiar and affectionate with one another. Edward moved to the love seat, tucking me into his side like a security blanket.

"Have you thought anymore about signing the papers, Edward?" Phil asked, his arms folding across his chest defensively.

Edward did that thing where he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Yes, Phil, I have. I'm sorry for having offended you yesterday. I was out of line."

Renee stepped forward, her arms reaching out to Edward as if she wanted to hug him, but she restrained herself. Instead, she gave Phil a reprimanding look.

He huffed like a child being scolded. "And I am sorry for not handling your reaction more…sympathetically. I never should have struck you."

"It's okay." Edward mumbled, rubbing his cheek as if he was just now feeling the slap for the first time.

Phil went back to business. "So…you're still not going to sign the papers?"

Edward rolled his eyes, the tension building in the room once again. "Well I guess I have to, don't I? Whether I like to or not, I don't have much of a choice."

Phil bristled "No one expects you to _like _it, Edward!"

Renee stepped in front of her husband, trying to soften the blow. "We know what we are depending on you to do is not easy, Edward. Trust us when we say that we wish there was something we could do to make this easier on you."

Edward started to speak, but I interrupted – blurting something out before I even realized I had consciously thought it. "What if there _is_ something you can do?"

Both of my hands flew over my mouth as if I was trying to pull the words back in.

_This is not my conversation! I am supposed to be a silent observer – moral support only! What the hell is wrong with me?_

All eyes were on me. Phil looked as if he wanted to tell me to butt the hell out. Edward looked surprised and confused. Renee looked intrigued.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Please, forget I said anything." I bumbled like an idiot, pulling back under Edward's arm as if I was trying to hide myself.

"No, please – I'd love to hear what you were going to say." Renee pleaded.

I swallowed, wishing to hell Alice would text me to say that she was downstairs waiting for me so that I'd have a legitimate excuse to run away.

I looked at Edward, worried about the possibility of upsetting him by revealing too much.

He was wary, but encouraging. "What did you want to say?"

"Well," I tried to hedge my words so that I wouldn't necessarily be breaking Edward's confidence, "if it were me, I would be most uncomfortable having to be the sole signature. That just seems like an awful lot of pressure for one person to bear. I know that it is not prudent for Edward to sign over legal responsibility to you, but could you perhaps all agree to sign the document?"

They all looked thoughtful. "I mean, I have no legal expertise and I've fortunately never had to deal with anything like this before, but perhaps if you all signed – truly made it a joint decision in each and every way – then it would be easier for you all to do this together so that there was no man out."

Renee gasped, backing into the armchair to sit down as if she was feeling light headed, and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach for having mentioned it.

Her eyes were brimming with tears as she looked over at Edward. "I am so, so sorry Edward. I thought I understood how you felt, but it wasn't until this moment when Bella suggest that I personally sign those papers that it truly hit me how terrible it is. It's one thing to say we should let her go and grant her peace – it's another thing altogether to imagine signing that document. I'm terribly sorry we tried to shoulder you with that responsibility alone. Of course, we've done this together every step of the way. It is only right that we take this final step together as well. I don't want to sign that document anymore than you do, but what she is suggesting is a very reasonable compromise." She turned her eyes to her husband. "Phil, is it possible?"

Phil looked me over. He still didn't look like he favored me very much, but there was a hint of respect in his eyes that I couldn't understand. "I suppose I could make that work. I am not happy about signing this document either - although I feel that goes without saying – but I am not opposed to sharing the responsibility for this decision."

Renee peered over at Edward once again. "Would that help you, Edward? If Phil and I were both to sign with you?"

Edward gave it serious thought. "I think it would, yes."

"Then we do it together." Phil concluded, rising from the recliner. "Let me call the office and see if I can get some advice on this matter. I'll be back in a minute." He strode quickly out of the room just as I received my text from Ali.

"My ride is here. I'm sorry for overstepping my bounds – I really don't know what came over me."

Edward tightened his arm around me as Renee rushed over to kiss me on the temple. "No need for 'I'm sorry' – you may have just given us the answer that we needed to get past this. You are such a blessing, young lady."

Edward stood, helping me to my feet. "I'm going to walk Bella downstairs, Renee. Will you be okay until I get back?"

Renee nodded, settling into the arm chair by Bree's side. "I'll be fine. I think I'll just enjoy a quiet moment with my daughter. I don't know how many of those I have left." She squeezed her lips together into a fine line, struggling to rein in her emotions. My heart was torn – half of it wanting to stay here and help them work through this and the other half knowing that I belonged with my friends in our basement studio.

Out in the hallway, I apologized to Edward. "I'm sorry I can't stay here with you."

He put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me tightly to his side. "It's okay, I understand. Will you..." He trailed off.

"What is it?"

"Never mind." He dismissed me.

_One thing Edward needs to learn is that that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I'll lecture him about that later, though._

"Please Edward, tell me what you were going to say."

"I was going to ask you for something that I realized I have no right to ask you for."

"There is nothing you can ask me for that I wouldn't be willing to give you."

He gave me a pathetic grin. "I appreciate that – but it doesn't make it right for me to ask."

I spun around in front of him with my palms against his chest, halting him just before we reached the hospital entrance. "What is it, Edward?" I insisted.

"Would you…stay with me? When…" He licked his lips, his brows furrowed in distress. He finished in a strained whisper. "…At the end? Would you be willing to be there with me when I say goodbye?" I recognized the expression on his face. It was the same pained expression he held as he unsuccessfully tried to maintain his composure the second night he came to my dressing room.

I circled my arms around him, squeezing with all my might, trying to block the tears by sheer will and determination. "Of course, Edward. I'll be right there beside you, holding your hand the entire time. Wherever you need me, that's where I'll be."

I pulled away just enough to look into his face, wiping the wetness away from his cheeks with the pad of my thumbs. "Thank you." He mouthed, unable to find his voice.

He took a couple of deep breaths before tucking me back under his arm and leading me out into the parking lot.

"I love you." He mouthed to me as we were pulling away. I wished I could say it back.

**A/N:** _Why can't Bella say those three little words? The train engineer thinks she just really needs a good lemon to get her through it, but then he was overcome with guilt at having lost all of the precious lemons and has relapsed back into depression._

_Keep those reviews coming and I think we can help him pull through!_


	26. Blue

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. Everything else is courtesy of the voices in my head._

Warning: _Nope, no lemons here either. As far as literary porn goes, this story sucks, doesn't it?_

Approx: 7_ Pages/__ 2,993 Words_

**CHAPTER 26: BLUE**

We accomplished very little at rehearsals. We had finally selected our play list for the night, minus the one fuck awesome love song that had yet to be written. Instead of banging our heads against that brick wall, we began discussing other aspects of the performance. Alice dissected wardrobe and make-up, Rosalie worked on choreographing different parts and the guys were looking into special lighting and effects that might make the show more visually stunning. I pretended to work on the best love song ever, but my mind kept drifting back to Edward.

After another long, torturous night at work, I drove my truck back over to the hospital. The long miles lately were starting to wear on her – I could feel her hobbling worse as we rolled down the street, spluttering just a little more at every stop sign and traffic light. I'd have to arrange to take her down to Jacob soon for a tune-up. I frowned as I realized that she was long overdue, as was the visit home to my Quileute friends.

I patted her broad steering wheel. "I'm sorry, baby. I'll get you an oil change and a lube job and a thorough detailing as soon as I get a chance. Just don't give up on me, okay?" She coughed in response.

I waved to the security guard as I strolled confidently past, wondering what I had missed the rest of the day. _Had they worked everything out between them? Have they already signed the papers?_

I spotted Edward by the vending machines as I was heading for the elevators.

"Hey." I called out to get his attention.

The broken man turned to face me with a pitiful grin. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"I just got out of work. I came back as soon as I could." I rushed over, anxious to be back in his arms.

"Do you want something?" He nodded toward the vending machine. I shook my head in response.

"You look so tired." I worried, running my hand over the stubble that now graced his cheek and jaw.

"I am tired." He admitted. "Wanna sit with me in the waiting room?"

"Sure." He took my hand and steered me around the corner to an open room filled with vacant chairs and loveseats, all matching the kind in Bree's private room. We wandered over to one of the sofas in the corner, taking positions on opposite ends of the couch so that we could face each other. Only half of the fluorescent lights were lit, casting deep shadows where we were seated.

"What happened after I left?"

He pulled the tab on his pop, opening it with a hissing sound. "Well, Phil spent a couple of hours working everything out. He talked to some of the people in his office for their advice. They said they had never heard of it being done before, but they saw no legal reason why it couldn't be." He took a long swig. I watched his Adam's apple bob beneath the scruffy skin of his long, elegant throat. "One of the hospital's lawyers came up to talk with us about it. I explained that Bree and I were newlyweds and it was hard for me to let her go. I told him that Renee and Phil were agreeing to sign the papers as a show of solidarity to me because they were excellent in-laws. He asked me to leave the room and I heard Phil muttering something about my youth making it difficult for me to make grown up decisions. It kind of pissed me off, but I tried to believe he was just saying it for the benefit of the lawyer."

I rolled my eyes at yet another of Phil's antics. I was really beginning not to like the man.

"He wasn't always like that, you know?" Edward said with that magical ability he has to read my mind.

"Who?" I tried to play dumb.

He laughed, calling me out on it. "Phil. He's a good man. He's usually quite fun and light hearted. At least, he used to be. He's hardened over the past few months. I think it's his way of coping. Renee and I keep hoping that he'll find his way back to the guy he used to be, once we've been able to move on past this purgatory."

I reprimanded myself as I tried to remember how very difficult it must be for Bree's father.

"Did you know he's younger than Renee?" I shook my head, trying to picture it. "I think he's about ten years younger, if I remember correctly. She's always been a youthful woman, so they fit together perfectly. But, this whole ordeal has aged him dramatically. If you saw pictures of him a year ago, you wouldn't believe it was the same man."

I really didn't know him at all – definitely not well enough to make any lasting impressions of his character. "You sound like you have a lot of respect for him." I acknowledged.

"I do." He confirmed. "I'm just sorry you had to meet him like this. Under different circumstances, you would have loved him."

_Different circumstances._

My mind wandered as I imagined what it might have been like if it had been Edward instead of James. I imagined a younger, more hopeful version of myself being invited over to dinner. There could have been real slumber parties with Bree where her youthful, lighthearted father would knock on the door in the middle of the night to scare us silly. Bree and I might have helped Renee set up a picnic bench with food while Edward and Phil tossed a football back and forth in the park.

_It could have been wonderful._

Instead, we were preparing for the death of Bree Tanner and those lovely visions would never come to be.

"When do you think you'll sign the papers?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"Today." He took a sip of his pop. "We signed them this evening."

I inhaled deeply. "So soon?" I immediately felt bad for my reaction, hoping that it wouldn't upset him.

He simply nodded somberly. "Yeah, I know. Once we made the decision and worked out all of the details, we agreed that it was best not to drag it out any longer than we had to. She deserves peace." He focused on the can in his hands as he fiddled with the pull tab. "We _all _deserve peace. We'll say our final goodbyes Friday night."

I gulped. "Why Friday night?" I attempted to moderate my voice so that I wouldn't give my feelings away.

"Her grandparents are flying in. They wanted a chance to say goodbye and the soonest they can get here is Friday afternoon."

I chewed on my lip.

_The record producer will be here Friday night._

_But I promised Edward I'd be there._

_You've made a commitment to the band! Four people are counting on you to be there – no promise necessary. You've worked for two years for this! Do. Not. Blow. It!_

I suddenly tasted rust and salt as my teeth dug too deeply into my lip. I hissed, pushing my fingertips against the wound to stop the painful throb.

"What's the matter?" He leaned forward in his seat, his face entering the edge of a pool of light so that I could see the sincere worry on his face.

"I can't be there, Edward. Friday night. That's the day we're supposed to perform for the record producer…" The tears sprang from my eyes against my will. "I can't be there…"

He scooted closer, pushing my hand away from my mouth and pulling my lip down gently to inspect the bloody gash. He placed his half full can of pop against my lip, letting the cool metal soothe away the pain.

"Is that why you've just chewed through your lip?" His brows puckered.

With my bottom lip jutting out toward the can, I nodded minutely. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I just can't…I…"

He put his hand against my cheek. "It's okay. I know. You've worked too hard for this, I wouldn't dare ask you to skip out on your friends, your band and your big break to be there. If I had known when it was going to happen this morning, I never would have even asked you."

His knuckle gently slid beneath my eyes, wiping away the tears that had fallen. "It's enough to know that you would have, though. You don't know how much it means to me that you even considered the possibility."

"If it were just me, Edward…if the others weren't involved, I'd be there in a heartbeat." I pleaded for him to see the sincerity in my eyes.

"I believe you."

A moment later when the throbbing ceased, he pulled the can away.

"For what it's worth, I'm going to miss her too, you know? I know that might sound silly, but through your stories and pictures – through the hours I've spent by her side these past few days…I really feel like I've come to have my own special little relationship with her. I believe what you and Renee said now – I really believe that Bree and I could have been great friends. It makes me sad that I'll never be able to prove you two right."

He pulled my hand into the shadow that surrounded him. "You already have."

We fell asleep in our respective corners of the loveseat, holding hands in the darkness.

When I arrived at rehearsal Thursday morning, everyone had given up hoping for a last minute love song. By this point in time, we had no more time to waste on hoping and praying. Jazz set up our recording equipment and we focused instead on recording a demo reel. If all went well during the performance, we hoped to send the record producer back with a copy that included our two newest songs. As an added bonus, we planned to sell some cd's after the show. This would aid in earning us some much needed extra cash as well as proving to the producer that we were a hot commodity. (Given that the cd's sold well.) Jasper worked on mixing the tracks right and producing copies while Emmet worked on creating some cool cover art.

Thursday night, we played our complete playlist for the first time to get an honest reaction out of the crowd and tweak whatever else needed tweaking. This was our dress-rehearsal for the big night.

The audience was relatively small. We had spread the word for everyone to come Friday so that we'd be performing in front of a packed house. There was nothing better than performing in front of a huge mob of people with high energy and rowdy responses. That always gave us an adrenaline rush that boosted our egos ten-fold. Unfortunately, that didn't leave us with a whole lot of feedback for tonight's performance.

I tried to keep my head in the game, but every second the clock ticked on, my mind drifted away to the small room with my boyfriend and the silent girl I'd come to think of as my friend.

The small group of people we played for were receptive and left us with very little to alter for the next night's performance.

I rushed to the hospital, sneaking quietly into Bree's room without waking anybody up. Edward was already fast asleep in the arm chair. I didn't want to wake him up but I had this all consuming need be near him. I felt a little silly, but I settled down onto the floor beside him, laying my head gently on his knee. Despite the hard cold floor beneath me and the awkward position I was forced to sit in, I drifted off to sleep quite quickly with his warmth against my cheek.

I dreamed that Edward woke me up as he lifted me easily off of the ground and set me onto his lap. In my dream, his right arm circled tightly around me as his left hand leaned my head against his chest, holding me lovingly to his heart. The sound of his heartbeat and the feel of his warm, sweet breath on my face lulled me into a deeper, more peaceful sleep.

The next morning, I woke to discover that my dreams had once again come true. My face was nuzzled against the broad expanse of his chest as he held us on the small, uncomfortable arm chair. The way he was sitting, contouring himself for my benefit, must have left him with a terribly sore neck and back. I felt miserable for having inconvenienced him for my own selfish needs, but when I moved to get up he only pulled his sleepy arms tighter around me, refusing to let me go. Unable (or unwilling) to fight him off, I settled in to his embrace and waited for him to stir.

About a half an hour later, Edward greeted me with a lazy smile. "Hey." He welcomed me, snuggling his nose into my hair and inhaling deeply.

"Hey." I said with my own dazed smile.

"You came back."

"I always do." I stroked his cheek, his stubble tickling my palm. "Are your neck and back okay? You shouldn't have inconvenienced yourself like that."

"My neck and back are fine. Besides, I'd take an aching back any day over having you sitting on the floor at my feet, just out of arms reach. That's simply unbearable."

I pecked his lips quickly before standing up. "As much as I hate to do this, we can't afford for anyone to catch us like this."

He pouted. "I know." The way his bottom lip jutted out made me want to suck on it, and that was just a wholly inappropriate thought at the moment.

"Besides, I have to get to rehearsal. Tonight's the big night." As soon as I said it, I wanted to suck the words back in.

"Yes, it is." I stared at my feet, waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

"Bella, you're excited and nervous and you have every right to be. Don't regret that or try to hide it from me. So, we have two very different things going on in our lives. Neither one out ranks the other. They are equally important, even though they happen to be on polar opposite ends of the spectrum. It's difficult, I admit, but I can be happy and excited for you at the same time that I'm feeling depressed about my own situation." He stood up, brushing his thumb along my jaw. "What I need from you is to do the same thing. I already know you sympathize with _us_ – you've got that part taken care of. But I need you to be free to experience the joy and anticipation of what you have going on right now. You deserve that much – don't deny yourself on my account because I wouldn't want you to."

I hugged him tightly. "Thank you so very, very much Edward."

As he released me, I turned to look at Bree's lifeless form on the bed, realizing that this would be the last time I would see her.

_How can this hurt so very, very much? How can I miss her when she's never said a word to me?_

I didn't _know_ how. I couldn't even begin to explain it – but Bree's death would leave a void in my life. Standing here, staring at the small, pale woman with the long, brown hair – I could already feel the fissure begin. She hadn't always appeared so fragile. I could remember in the pictures of her past that life had given her an energy that strengthened her appearance. Although she had always been petite, she had once looked as if she could move mountains. I remembered the numerous tales they had told me about her. She had been spunky and fierce – a tiny dynamo just like Alice. Not even Edward could have taken her down. She was a fighter and a survivor in all things…_but this._

"_Death always wins in the end." _Edward had said.

_Death always wins in the end._

"You know what I think?" I whispered to Edward as he came up behind me, circling his arms around my waist.

He rested his head on my shoulder. "Hmm?"

"I think our good friend Bree played match maker. I think we've been set up." I laid my arms over his, hugging them to me.

He chuckled quietly. "You know, I think you may be onto something there. That sounds like something she would do."

Renee giggled and it surprised us. We hadn't even realized she was awake. "That's _exactly_ what she would have done. If she had gotten the chance to know you, she would have gone out of her way to get you two to meet. She always thought she knew best for you, didn't she?" Renee commented with a slight twinkle in her eye.

Phil's gruff voice was even more shocking. "That's because she usually did." I looked at him, unable to hide my surprise. "Looking at you, I would say that you're proving her right. She'd be beaming with pride if she could see you two now." He gave me a reconciliatory glance, a friendly smirk on his face. "In fact, I'd venture to say she was hanging on now just to see what happens next."

We all looked down at the still form shrouded in the middle of the bed.

"What color are her eyes?" I asked, needing to unravel this last mystery. I had forgotten to pay attention to that detail when we looked through the albums.

"Brilliant blue, just like her mother's." Phil looked lovingly at Renee, who reflected the sentiment.

"Blue." I repeated, imagining how it might have been to look into the brilliant blue eyes of my friend.

**A/N:** _Great news! The new shipment of lemons is on its way, and I'm assured that this shipment is even more tart than the previous shipment was! Woo hoo!_

_The train engineer is on the mends, but my Smut Dealer located me through the charitable foundation that I set up in his name._

_Of course, she's mad as hell that I've eluded her for so long, so she's now demanding double the reviews or it's OFF WITH MY HEAD! Keep in mind, if I don't get those reviews, you won't get the lemons you've been anxiously waiting for, so help me help you!_


	27. The Realm Of Angels

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. Adam Lambert's "For Your Entertainment" is copyright per its respective owners. I'm responsible for the rest of this mumbo-jumbo._

Warning: _This is no time for lemons and tart stuff…_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 2,799 Words_

**CHAPTER 27: THE REALM OF ANGELS**

We rehearsed our set all the way through three times before I finally had to say that enough was enough. One more time and I was sure to blow my vocal chords and be unable to perform at all. Instead, we formed a little assembly line to apply labels to the cd's, insert the cover art, tape the jewel case closed and fix a price tag in the upper right corner.

Jazz had been up all night burning a total of sixty copies. We didn't think we would be able to sell that many, but we were trying to be optimistic.

In our anxiety, we arrived at the bar two hours before it opened. The girls and I brought Endust to polish the tables, chairs and stools (as if shiny, dust-free furniture would buy our way into the music industry). I pulled out the vacuum and went over the stage thoroughly before allowing the guys to set up our instruments. Rose polished the guitars to a high gloss and Em wiped over the drum set until it gleamed.

An hour before the bar opened, people were starting to line up for the performance.

_That was a first!_

Aro came in with several large rolls of paper beneath his arms. "Help me!" He ordered as he clumsily made his way toward us. Emmet took the rolls from him, laying them down on the edge of the stage. My boss picked up one of them, unrolling it to reveal a huge poster.

"It's us!" Emmet yelled excitedly.

"Caius hasn't had time to prepare the entire album for me yet, but I asked if he could select a few and blow them up for tonight. Take a look – each one is different."

We each grabbed a different roll, gawking at the various poses Caius had selected. With some scotch tape in hand, we went about taping the posters into the windows so that they faced outward. Each one had different wording:

_Eclipse Plays Here!_

_New Moon Bar: Home of Eclipse_

_The One And Only Place Where You Can See Eclipse Play Live!_

_Come See The Biggest Entertainment Sensation In the Olympic Peninsula – Eclipse!_

The variations went on and on. I suddenly felt bad for making fun of Caius' teeny, tiny dick.

_But only a little bit._

Aro warned us that he was about to open the doors, so we all headed back to the dressing room to await our cue. I popped one of the extra cds into our cd player so that we could rehearse while we waited to take the stage.

Felix peeked in the door. "He's here!"

We all followed Fifi back to the stage door, peeking out at the large crowd trying to spot the unfamiliar face of our future.

"Which one is he?" Rosie asked.

"I can't see past you, you Amazon!" Alice hissed.

"Do you know where he's sitting?" Jasper calmly queried.

"Damn that girl has big tits!" Emmet enthused with a resounding smack as Rosie struck him upside the head.

We eventually gave up our game of "Where's Waldo" when Felix was unable to give us any more guidance.

Aro took the stage, introducing us with a rather long-winded speech. The crowd quickly lost interest and we could feel the energy dropping with every passing second. I pushed Felix out the door and just as Aro turned to see him, Felix made a circular gesture for Aro to wrap it up.

Aro quickly summed up his lecture and finally gave us the cue to enter the stage.

I was in leather pants with a red, studded belt that hung off of my hips. My red stiletto heels made me nearly as tall as Rosalie. Alice had cropped my top so that it slipped off of my shoulders, revealing the lacy red bra I wore underneath. My hair was curled, picked up on one side with a red, feathery little comb so that it cascaded down the other side and over my shoulder.

Alice had designed our look for the night around the concept of "leather and lace". All the girls had at least one lacey thing on – usually in the form of revealing lingerie – and all of us had some kind of black leather with a touch of red. It was our most bad ass look yet.

Remembering how well it had gone over last time, we decided to start off with "For Your Entertainment" to work the crowd up into a frenzy. It was the only cover we would be performing all night, plugging the gaping whole of the third song that we had never been able to come up with.

I summoned all of the things I had felt that night over a month ago. The aching need and painful longing and burning desire. Thinking of Edward and how long it had been since I had really been able to touch him, the knot quickly settled back in my stomach, wrapping around my entrails sadistically.

I worked my way through the crowd, flitting and flirting as the song called for. I knew the record producer the moment I spotted him – he was sitting in Edward's seat. It caught me off guard, but I managed to pull it together. I gave him a little sneak peek of the moves I had used on Edward that night, but I immediately regretted it.

_It felt too much like cheating. Like selling my soul to the devil._

I tried to shake it off and throw myself into the performance, but the song and dance hadn't riled me up as it had last time. No matter how hard I attempted to focus, I kept finding myself preoccupied, struggling to keep my place.

_Everything just feels wrong._

You know in movies, when they show someone getting drunk or drugged and you're supposedly seeing things through their eyes? Like, the camera loses focuses and moves around dizzily? The voices all slur together and sound too far away?

That is what it felt like. It felt like I was having a freaking out-of-body experience.

I tried to keep it together. I had almost made it through the first half of the set. Only one more song to go and I'd be able to run to the dressing room and refocus.

Alice started on those hauntingly familiar chords and my heart sank. _No. Not that song. Anything but that song!_

My stomach churned and the butterflies woke up from their hibernation to wreak havoc on my system. They didn't just settle for the stomach this time around, they invaded my heart, my lungs, my limbs. It was an infestation of epic proportions.

Emmet started the slow, gentle beat. _I can do this. I have to do this. My friends are counting on me._

Jazz and Rosie joined in with the subtle chords we had chosen to compliment the keyboard. _Just sing the damn song! The faster we're done with this performance, the faster you can run back to Edward. JUST SING!_

My eyes wandered over to the important man at stage left - the stranger who didn't have Edward's piercing green, loving eyes.

"The sunlight is fading  
The shadows begin  
Twilight is upon you  
The chill is creeping in.

My voice was weak, barely audible over the instruments, although they were already playing as quietly as was reasonable.

_This is Bree's song. Bree's beautiful song, and she will never get to hear it._

"Don't shiver, for you're not alone  
Just take my hand, hold it tight.  
I'm in this with you, all the way  
I'll guide you into the night.

My gaze landed absent-mindedly on the clock that hung over the bar.

_Seven forty seven. I'm not too late!_

"I'm sorry." I said into the microphone. There was a cacophony as my band members stilled their instruments. I turned to them, my eyes contrite. "I'm so, so sorry." I couldn't stare at their shocked faces, so I turned back to the audience.

"I have a friend who is dying in the hospital right as we speak. I'm sorry, I really, really am, but I can't do this. This song belongs to her and she hasn't even heard it yet. I have to go." I turned back to my friends, the tears flooding my eyes, making it impossible to see the disappointment, shock and hurt on their faces. "Please, please forgive me." I raced offstage, hurrying into the dressing room to grab the cd player, quickly peeling off the heels and slipping into my converse. I didn't have my truck with me and I didn't have time to look for the keys to Alice's Porsche, so I was gonna have to run and pray I'd make it there in time.

I pushed through the back door, racing around the building towards the hospital. Headlights whipped quickly around from behind me as tires screeched. "Need a ride?" Felix yelled from the driver's seat across to the open passenger door. I flung myself into the seat, pulling the door closed as he sped off. "Honey, I've seen you run. With your luck, you'd make it to the hospital an hour late by ambulance."

"Thank you, Felix." I said sincerely, bypassing his sarcasm.

"You're welcome but, why the sudden rush to get to her? Hasn't she been sick for a while?"

"They're pulling the plug, Felix. They're terminating life support at eight. Edward wrote this song for her and she's never heard it. She has to hear it before she dies, Fifi. _She has to!_"

Felix floored it, taking the corner sharply and peeling into the parking lot, tires screeching as he dropped me right off in front of the hospital entrance. "Go Princess. I'll take care of things back at the bar. Good luck!" He yelled as I bolted from the car and into the flourescent engulfed lobby.

I avoided the elevators, choosing instead to take the stairs two at a time. I passed another clock in the hallway. Seven fifty eight.

_Shit!_

I turned the corner, nearly knocking over an elderly woman who was walking, using an IV pole to support herself. "Sorry!" I called over my shoulder as I hurried past her, hoping I hadn't injured her. A nurse yelled, but made no move to pursue me.

I turned the final corner, knowing that room 212 was only two doors away. "You can't go in there!" Another nurse yelled as I pushed into the room.

"Wait!" I shouted, just as I felt the door thump against something on the other side. I stepped to the left, allowing the door to close without me in the way. A medical technician was standing behind the door, rubbing the arm that I had apparently just bumped into. "I'm sorry." I repeated once more.

The room was quite crowded with people who looked quite shocked and upset. _Oh no! Was I too late?_

At the foot of the bed was a white headed couple who looked outright appalled by me. On the far side of the bed, Phil had his arm tightly around Renee's shoulder, their eyes and noses red and their cheeks tear-stained. Edward was closest to me with Dr. Weber beside him, nearest to Bree's head.

"Bella. What's going on?" Edward asked, taking a step towards me.

"You're song, Edward. She has to hear your song." I held the cd player out to him, as if that would explain everything.

The elderly woman scoffed. "This is absolutely unacceptable. Who is this woman? How dare she interrupt us! And that outfit is highly inappropriate for a hospital!" The elderly man wrapped his arm around her shoulders, restraining her.

"Mom, this is Bella. She's a dear friend of the family. She's just come from a performance – from the looks of it, a performance that she has skipped entirely to be here." He looked at me dubiously.

"I don't mean any disrespect, ma'am, and I'm terribly, terribly sorry if I've offended or upset you. But Edward has written a beautiful song for Bree and I only hurried here with the hope that she might be able to hear it before..." Renee sobbed and my heart cracked.

Mrs. Tanner softened slightly. I reached a tentative hand out to her, resting it on her aged hand when she didn't pull away. "Bree is my friend. I just want her to have this – to know how very, very much she is loved." The older woman squeezed my hand, a single tear escaping her cloudy eyes.

Having convinced Bree's grandmother of my intentions, I turned my focus to Phil and Renee. "I really am sorry, but do you mind?" Renee shook her head quickly, anxious to give this last gift to her daughter. Phil gave a slight nod for me to proceed.

I finally turned my gaze to the songwriter himself. "Edward?" He looked from me to Dr. Weber, who stood with his finger resting on the power button that would end it all.

Dr. Weber addressed Edward. "I've given her medication to make this as quick and painless as possible, but it still won't be immediate. If you like, I would suggest continuing as planned. Once the machinery has stopped working, your song would be the only sound in the room." He looked to me then. "I believe that would probably be the most beautiful way I've ever seen someone choose to say goodbye." His gaze wandered over the room. "I think our little Bree is quite blessed to be so very loved." He turned back to Edward, a question in his eyes.

Edward's eyes blanked for a minute as he processed everything Dr. Weber had said. He looked slowly up to Renee and Phil, each responding with a subtle nod before setting their gaze on their daughter's peaceful face.

Edward turned his gaze back to the doctor and gave the nod for him to proceed.

With the flip of a couple of switches, the whooshing of the ventilator ceased, the electrical humming of the medical equipment faded and the incessant beeping of her heart monitor silenced. Dr. Weber stepped away, allowing Edward to step closer and gesturing for me to stand by his side. I stepped up with the cd player in my sweaty palms. Dr. Weber leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Go ahead, Bella."

I turned the cd player around in my trembling hands, fumbling nervously with the buttons as I selected the right track and pressed play. It took a frightening moment for the ancient machine to pick up the right track, but soon, the familiar notes permeated the sterile hospital air.

I held the radio as Edward leaned over to take Bree's tiny hand in his. Renee and Phil grasped her other hand in theirs. Bree's grandparents stepped forward to the edge of her bed, placing their hands on her in an unspoken goodbye.

Bree's breathing grew shallower as the song progressed. When I listened closely, I could barely make out the rasping sound as she struggled to bring air into her diseased lungs. Her chest began to rise and fall rapidly with little pulses as her gasping increased. Despite her fight, she did not appear to be in any distress or discomfort, presumably because of the medication the doctor had given her.

Renee's body convulsed with the sobs she was attempting to restrain. Although he appeared stoic, a steady stream of tears ran freely over Phil's lean face. Bree's grandfather simply looked too tired to cry anymore, instead focusing on comforting his wife. Mrs. Tanner held a handkerchief to her mouth, as if attempting to suffocate the scream that was building within her at watching her young granddaughter die.

Edward's tears did not fall. Instead, they collected into giant, watery pools in his green eyes, constantly threatening to overflow. He pressed his lips into a fine line, biting back his emotion.

The pink in Bree's lips slowly faded to purple, and then blue as her gasping grew rapid.

Suddenly, she stopped.

We all leaned in unconsciously, intently staring at her, listening for the sound of her inhalation.

She breathed in once, the shallow breath rattling in her chest.

"We've made it through the twilight  
The midnight sun draws near.  
I pray for you safe journeys  
There is nothing left to fear."

A moment later, there was another brief intake of air.

"It's time for you to take the high road  
I'll miss you when you're gone.  
But I'll watch from below and you'll watch from above  
and we'll meet each day at the breaking dawn."

A third sharp intake of breath…released a moment later with a long, slow hiss.

With that, Bree Tanner departed our world once and for all, drifting toward the realm of angels on a sea of prayer, love and tears.

**A/N**: _My Smut Dealer is finally satisfied with your reviews and the lemon shipment is chugging away, so keep the reviews coming!_


	28. Most Importantly, Love

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I'm responsible for the rest of this sorry and sadness._

Warning: _I couldn't have put a lemon in this chapter if I wanted to…just would have been wrong._

Approx: _5 Pages/__ 2,397 Words_

**CHAPTER 28: MOST IMPORTANTLY, LOVE**

For the first time in nine months, Edward, Renee and Phil left the hospital together, abandoning their posts by her hospital bedside.

_Bree wasn't there anymore._

I felt honored to walk beside them; to somehow step into the void she created. I would never fill it – I couldn't even imagine trying – but I hoped I might inherit just some of her strength and livelihood by walking in her shadow. It was an incredibly humbling feeling; I'm not sure I had ever felt so small in all of my life, engulfed by the legacy she left behind.

We parted ways in the hospital parking lot; Renee and Phil heading for home while Edward and I returned to my apartment in Forks.

There were no words as we drove through the winding roads – black forest encroaching upon us at every turn. There was a thick fog in the night air. I imagined it being a tangible mist that Bree could grip onto as she ascended toward the stars.

I opened the door to our apartment to find Alice lost amidst the cushions of our oversized armchair. She was facing the door, her face blotchy and her eyes bloodshot.

Edward stepped in behind me, taking notice of Ali's appearance. "Is it okay if I take a shower?" He asked, looking for an excuse to leave us alone.

I nodded, holding my stance just in front of the door, never taking my eyes off of my wounded best friend. He put his hand on the base of my spine, coaxing me to step forward and closing the door behind me. He kissed me on the cheek before slinking off around the arm chair toward the bathroom.

Ali appeared to have reached her breaking point – that moment when you go numb from your body's inability to process all of the things that you are simultaneously thinking and feeling.

It was a feeling I knew well. I was constantly feeling the ebb and flow of my own emotional melt down the past couple of days. "I am so very, very sorry Ali."

_How many times have I said this tonight? How many more times will I have to say it before I am relieved of all the guilt and regret and sorrow? _

The answer to both seemed infinite.

Al drew in a deep breath, compassion sparking behind her otherwise vacant black eyes. She scooted over in the arm chair, patting the empty space beside her in an invitation.

I skulked over with my head down, squeezing into the space and linking my arm with hers.

"Is she gone?" She whispered, her eyes searching mine, trying to read me like an open book.

I gave a tired nod.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Her eyebrows furrowed as if she simply couldn't fathom the logic behind my decision.

"You were so excited about our big break. Everyone has been so worried and nervous and anxious for tonight. I didn't want to get in the way. I didn't want to let you down." My eyebrows puckered as I willed her to understand.

Compassion, anger, disappointment and hurt battled for dominance over her face. "So you thought it would be better not to say anything and then break it to us as you run out in the middle of a performance? _Really Bella?"_

I huffed. "I didn't plan to do that, Alice! It's just, I was standing there and trying to sing my way into a recording contract while the girl those lyrics were written for was dying without ever hearing them. It just felt so wrong that I acted without thinking. I never meant to hurt you all. I never meant to be such a major disappointment." The tears flowed easily once again.

_When will they ever run dry!_

She put her tiny arm around me, pulling my head down so that I could cry on her shoulder. She was so much smaller than me that the position was a little uncomfortable, but I appreciated the sentiment. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, sweetie." She smoothed my hair tenderly, as if calming a child.

I cried with abandon. I sobbed for the loss of Bree. I blubbered for the heartache I had been surrounded by all night. I bawled for the grief I had unintentionally caused my friends.

When the worse of my sobs had passed, Alice spoke. "Well…did she hear it?"

I sniffled. "I really think she did. She struggled…it was terrible watching the way she struggled…but she didn't take her last breath until it was over. She held on just long enough to hear Edward's goodbye."

She squeezed my shoulders. "Well, in the grand scheme of things, I can't argue that that isn't more important. We just wish you had told us. We could have tried to reschedule. We could have been there for you instead of having things turn out like this."

"I know. I was just so sick and tired of Rosalie talking about having to "pick up the pieces" all the time. I wanted so desperately to be strong enough to handle this on my own. I wanted to prove that I didn't need you all to be my crutch. In the end, all I did was prove what a screw up I am and how very right she was. I can't do anything right, can I?"

In that moment, I hated myself. I hated being weak and emotionally unstable. I hated having to rely on my friends to hold me together because I was too damaged to do it myself.

"Remember when Rosie had that eating disorder? Who shoved Ben & Jerry's 'Everything But The…' down her throat and then yelled at her to realize that she hadn't gained a friggin' pound? When I was going insane because I couldn't reach Jasper? You were the one who drove me to his house because I was so crazy with worry that you thought I'd hit a tree. When Em tried stage diving and broke his leg, you stayed with him and Rose, cooking all their meals and washing all his laundry. Sweetie, that's what friends are for. We're strong for each other when we can't be for ourselves." I looked up into my friend's little pixie face. "We all fall to pieces sometimes. Even you. We just have to be thankful, in the end, that we have friends to help us remember where all those pieces go."

_Even if we do end up with a couple of screws loose after all is said and done._

"Thank you, Alice." I whimpered.

"Oh, don't thank me. Thank the April 2007 edition of Cosmo. I've waited three years for an excuse to quote that article."

I snorted, managing to smuggle in a light chuckle before returning to the matter at hand. "Do they hate me?"

"Of course not. Rose is a little mad." I cocked an eyebrow skeptically. "_Okay, _Rose is a lot mad." I maintained my cocked eyebrow. "Okay! Okay! She's pissed. Absolutely livid. Alright? What did you expect?" She huffed in exasperation.

"And the guys?" I prodded.

"In his words, Emmet is 'bummed'. You 'totally ruined his high', although I think he's more upset about you not telling us than he is about the actual performance. As always, he cheered everyone up by talking about all the positive publicity we could get from our lead singer foregoing a record deal to rush to the bedside of a dying fan. You have to admit, it's quite an angle."

I frowned, not quite able to joke about that yet.

"Jasper…well, he's worried about you and what you must be going through. He couldn't grasp why you wouldn't have told us earlier. But, mostly, I think he's concerned about what's coming next. We've never been pulled in so many different directions before – he's afraid that the band might fall apart if we can't get over this."

"Oh my God, you don't think that's possible, do you Alice? You don't think the band would really break up because of me?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm sure you, me, Jasper and Emmet could work things out quickly, but it's kind of up to Rose. You know she's always been the live wire. And although logically we could go on without her-"

I interrupted. "None of us want to."

She nodded. "Give her a couple of days and then, just talk to her. I'm sure she'll come around…_eventually."_

"A couple of days? What am I supposed to do when we perform tomorrow?"

Ali grimaced. "We're not performing tomorrow. Aro's cancelled our shows for the weekend. He's considering dropping us for breach of contract."

"I just keep piling the shit on, don't I?"

"He's a blow hard, you know that. Once he sees how much revenue he loses without us there, he'll change his mind. I wouldn't worry about it."

At least I knew that Alice and I were okay.

I made my way to the bathroom to find that Edward had already finished showering and wandered off, assumedly to my bedroom.

I showered quickly, unable to appreciate the warm, relaxing jets. I realized too late that I had forgotten to bring a change of clothes with me, so I threw on my bathrobe and padded out into the hall. The rest of the apartment was dark, so I guessed that Alice had already settled into bed for the night.

I found Edward staring out my bedroom window, a towel wrapped around his hips. I had forgotten to sneak something from Alice's room for him to sleep in.

Staring at his broad shoulders, watching the highlights and lowlights dance over the rippling muscles that spanned his back, my aching need for him returned.

The coiled knots. The vicious butterflies. The rattling within my rib cage. The misplaced moisture. How stupid I had been to believe that this feeling would only go away once I had achieved release. Now that I knew the euphoria that Edward's touch could bring me, it only intensified the need that floated just on the edge of insanity.

I was thoroughly and irrevocably addicted and Edward was my drug of choice. It would only take more and more of him to abate my appetite. Each time, I would need a stronger hit for my hunger to be satisfied. It was a downward spiral and I was flinging myself merrily into the abyss.

I dropped my robe, allowing it to pool around my feet. He never turned around as I tiptoed closer.

I slid my hands around his waist, appreciating how the towel hung precariously off of his square hips. He hissed slightly at my unexpected touch.

My fingers fumbled with the edges of the towel before peeling it away, exposing his beautiful body to the lingering gaze of the moon.

His head dropped back as I pressed myself behind him, the warmth of his smooth skin burning against my damp breasts and flat stomach. I nestled my into the indention of his shoulder blade, kissing and nipping gently. My right palm flattened above his heart – what had become the most precious thing in my world. My left hand tickled random patterns across his stomach, marveling at the way the muscles contracted beneath my fingertips.

He turned in my arms and I gasped when I saw the look in his eyes. Sorrow. Pain. Guilt. Regret. Resolution. Exhaustion. Love.

_He was too tired for lust._

That was when it hit me. _So was I._

But, if this wasn't about lust, what the hell was I doing it for?

And there it was.

I just wanted to touch him, feel him, hold him.

I needed him.

_I loved him._

Everything I feared was coming true. I was losing myself in Edward Cullen. I had allowed myself to fall in love – had become completely and utterly devoted to him.

I didn't even know how I _knew_ to identify it. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I realized that I had never once felt this with James. That made me sad – to think that I had wasted three years of my life with someone I had never even loved. If I had known it could be like this – if I had known I could so completely dedicate my heart and soul to another person, I could have avoided so many mistakes.

_But then again, those mistakes led me to Edward. _

Guess I wouldn't change a thing after all.

I took Edward by the hand and pulled him over to our bed.

_Funny, I can't even think of it as my bed anymore._

I peeled back the covers and climbed in, beckoning him to follow. With him lying naked by my side, I draped the heavy comforter over us, cocooning us in a safe little bubble from the outside world. He rolled over, contouring his body to mine, seeking to meld every inch of ourselves into one ethereal being. For the first time, he placed his head on my bosom, his ear right above my heart. I had never thought that it might offer him as much comfort as his had offered me. He hugged me tightly…_and cried._

"She's gone." He whimpered as his hot, salty tears fell onto my skin – his heartache flowing in torrents over my breast.

I ran my fingers through his hair, whispering soft caresses over his temple and jaw, lulling him to sleep. Even as he fell into unconscious oblivion, his tears didn't stop falling.

It was a whole new experience now that I knew that I loved him. It explained how I could be so fascinated just watching him sleep. Why I was so enthralled by his deep, calming breath. Why it was so easy for me to get lost in the lines and curves of his face.

I didn't sleep for an hour, until his tears finally ran dry.

I remembered that night that he had referred to me as a Goddess. Indeed, my love had transformed this incredible, beautiful man into a God.

Then, with his words from that night echoing in my head, I drifted off into blissful fantasy. We were deities, reining over each other's hearts in a fantastic world where there was no death or guilt or regret.

We were surrounded by beauty and happiness and laughter.

And most importantly, _love._

**A/N:** _I hear the lemon train whistle blowin…it's coming into town soon! It runs solely on your reviews, so the more reviews you write, the faster it will get here! Choo-Choo!_


	29. In His Arms

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The rest of this brilliance is purely mine…and my ever loving Beta._

Warning: _No lemons in this chapter, but they're coming soon!_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,031 Words_

**CHAPTER 29: IN HIS ARMS****  
**_Approx: 7 pgs / 3,031 Words_

Saturday, Edward met up with Renee and Phil to begin planning for the funeral. I wanted to go with him but he convinced me that it was more important for me to try to work things over with the band.

Fear gripped my heart as I watched him pull away, realizing that I had not yet confessed my love to him.

_Life is too short._

I almost pulled out my phone and texted it to him, panicked that I needed to tell him immediately before it was too late. I resisted, choosing to make the moment special instead.

_But I will tell him. Soon._

The anger and hurt and disappointment coming from within were so overpowering that it permeated the façade of the Hale house. The way the turmoil hung in the air gave me goose bumps. Ali gave me a sympathetic smile as she prompted me to go in. We followed the voices we heard coming from the kitchen to find Jasper leaning against the sink, drinking from a glass of water. Emmet and Rosalie were sitting on stools on the opposite side of the island. Jazz put down the glass and opened his arms to Ali, greeting her with a big, warm smile. She flew into his arms like a bird returning to the nest.

I barely had time to register Emmet's broken hearted frown before Rosalie huffed, raking her stool noisily across the floor as she pushed away from the counter and stormed off toward the basement. My eyes stung, but I had no more tears to cry.

As we heard Rosie slam the door in the distance, Emmet slipped off of his stool and crossed over to me cautiously. He put his hand on my shoulder, a pout on his boyish face. "You should have told us, Bells." His mouth puckered as he swallowed, revealing two of the saddest looking dimples I had ever seen. He squeezed my shoulder before slinking off after Ro.

With Ali secured under his arm, Jasper finally looked at me – his brows puckered and his forehead wrinkled with the depth of his concern. "Alice told me about your friend. I wish I had heard it from you instead…but for what it's worth, I'm very sorry for your loss."

I began to explain, but I suddenly felt overwhelmingly exhausted. _How many times would I have to go through this?_

"I know. I'm sorry Jazz. I want to explain, but we should go find Rose and Emmet first. I need to apologize to them just as much as I need to apologize to you." I waited for them to walk ahead of me, sulking behind them as we made our way down into the basement.

Emmet was seated in the corner of the couch, massaging Rosalie's shoulders in a useless attempt to calm her. Her beautiful face was nearly burgundy in her anger. As I stepped fully into the room, she jumped up from the couch. "What the _fuck, _Bella!" She erupted.

Em grabbed her hand, prompting her to sit back down. "Baby, let her try to explain."

She turned on him. "_Don't_ 'baby' me. Explain _what_ Emmet? Explain how she managed to so drastically fuck things up for all of us? Explain how she once again abandoned her friends for a guy? Explain how she chose to ruin the one shot for _all_ of us just so that she could run off and play nurse for some dying bitch she didn't even know?"

I stood there and did my best to take her wrath, reminding myself that I completely and utterly deserved every bit of it. However, hearing her refer to Bree as "some dying bitch" was more than I could possibly take at the moment. I blew up. "The only bitch I see around here is _you, _Rosalie! So why don't you shut the fuck up and stop talking shit about things you know nothing about!"

She turned, glaring at me with murderous fury. "Maybe I would _know_ about it if you hadn't been such a pussy and told us what the fuck was going on before storming out like a drama queen in the middle of our one and only chance!"

I took a step forward, struggling to restrain myself. "Maybe I would have told you about it if you hadn't kept lecturing me about what a constant fucking burden it is to put me back together every time I fall apart! Maybe if you had been a _friend_ and supported me when I fucking needed you instead of constantly bitching me out about what a mistake I was making I wouldn't have felt such a strong need to prove you wrong!"

She took a step towards me, trembling with rage. "Oh, that's _rich _Bella! Is that what you were trying to do? Prove me wrong? Because I hate to break it to you, but _you fell apart, just like I predicted!_ Only this time, you made an even bigger mess out of things because you brought us crashing down with you!" She started clapping wickedly. "Way to go, Bella. Even _I_ underestimated how much of a fuck up you could really be."

That was mean. I riled myself up, overpowering the hurt with all the bite I could muster. I took the final step to bring me face to face with the vicious blonde. "You know what, Rosalie?" I seethed. "That 'dying bitch' listened to me without judgment. I could pour my heart out to her without worrying about what I said being thrown back in my face. I never once had to defend myself to her. Not once did I have to fear her wrath. In the two weeks that I knew Bree Tanner, she was a better friend to me than you will _ever_ be."

Rosalie closed the five inches between us so that we were now nose to nose. "How ironic that your perfect companion should be someone who can't talk back or run away. When I have the intelligence of a carrot, I'll give you a call so you can come running back."

The second my palm started stinging from smacking her, Jasper was pulling me backwards by my arms as Emmet restrained Rosalie. Alice stood in the middle, fear and shock on her face as she stretched her tiny arms out between us.

Rose would spit venom if she could. "You fucking _bitch!_ Get out of my house! Go on, abandon your friends like you always do. Go run back to your fuck buddy!"

I tried to wriggle out of Jasper's grasp, something feral and snarling rising up within me as she demeaned Edward. "I love him, Rosalie! Why can't you get that through your thick blonde skull?"

She pulled against Emmet, gaining in quarter inches only because he was afraid that using the full force of his strength on her might hurt her. "Wonder how much he'd want you if he knew what a slut you've been! Maybe I should give your perfect little Edward a call – let him know many cocks his disease ridden whore has fucked in the past three months. I bet he'd dump your ass in a second if he knew how utterly broken you are!"

It was all more than I could take. The tide ebbed, washing over all the anger, flooding it right out of me. Jasper relaxed his grip as the numbness settled in. "I'm done." I squeaked, easing out of his hold. "I can't do this anymore….You win, Rosalie. I'm a fuck up. I'm a slut. A diseased whore. I'm worthless and broken and unwanted. _You're right._ That's the only way this can end, right? _Rosalie is always right..._I'm sorry for doubting you." My eyes caught Emmet's. "I'm sorry for disappointing you." I turned around to face Jazz's forlorn face. "I'm sorry for worrying you." I turned back around, glancing toward Alice. "I'm sorry for ruining all of your hard work." And finally, I turned back to the vengeful blonde siren. "And I'm sorry for wasting your time with my petty, insignificant little life Rosalie. I'm so _very, very sorry_."

Ali whimpered and made a move towards me, but I held up my hand for her to stay. It was quiet as I started to ascend the stairs. Just as I was barely out of sight, one last thought occurred to me. I turned back, my drained gaze landing on Rosalie's face as her anger eased slightly. "Believe it or not, even after all of this, I'll miss you. Call me when you're a vegetable – and I _will_ come running."

I dragged myself through the kitchen and living room, then out into the light Fork's mist. For once, the weather felt appropriate for my mood. I paused on the front step, considering sitting here to wait for Alice so that we could ride home together, but I had no patience for waiting at the moment. Instead, I took off staggering down the long winding road that led from the Hale's house to the highway. I didn't know how long it would take me to get home, but for once, I wasn't in a rush to get anywhere.

Alice called me just as the highway came into view. "Bella, where are you?" She sounded out of breath, though I couldn't imagine why.

"I'm walking home, Alice. Don't worry about me."

"Bella! Don't be ridiculous – that's thirteen miles? And it's raining!"

"It's only sprinkling. I'll be fine."

"Bella, it will be dark before you even get halfway there. Just let me pick you up."

"I need this, Alice. I just need to get away from it all for a while. I'll be fine, I promise. Edward will call me when he's done and I'll get him to pick me up. It'll be okay."

I could hear her tiny little sigh on the other end of the line. "I told them, Bella. I told them everything. You know you should have told us before hand, so I'm not going to beat that dead horse. But with everything said and done, Emmet is proud of you. He actually got a little misty eyed when he found out what you did after you left last night. Jasper understands and has profound respect for what you chose to do for them and for what you attempted to do for us."

"And Rose?" I prompted.

"Rose is stubborn. She's attempting to hold her ground, but she's failing. By this time tomorrow, she'll be absolutely miserable with the way she acted and the things she said. I know you, Bella. Please don't let this eat away at you. Don't let the things that she said in anger worm their way into your thoughts any more than you would want the things you said to worm their way into hers, okay?" I nodded as if she'd be able to see me. "You said you loved him, Bella. Did you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Does he know?"

I shook my head, forgetting that she wouldn't be able to see me. "Not yet. But soon." Something occurred to me. "Did you know, Alice?"

"Know what?"

"Did you know I was in love?"

"I had a feeling."

"When?"

"I first thought about it the night you hyperventilated. Everything you said reminded me of the way I felt the first time I saw Jasper. You were overwhelmingly frightened and enthralled, all at once. I mean, I didn't know you were 'in love' per se, but I knew he was going to be someone pretty special."

"So that was what I saw in your eyes that night. I had a feeling you were hiding something from me. Why didn't you tell me?"

She trilled a little laugh. "Because it's something you have to figure out for yourself. Besides, would you have believed me?"

I smirked as I thought about it. "Probably not. I would have fought it tooth and nail if you suggested it."

"That's what I thought you would do. When did _you_ figure it out?"

"Last night. We were both nude and all I wanted to do was hold him and touch him, but there was nothing sexual about it. I fell asleep with his naked body pressed against mine with the only thought being that I was exactly where I belonged." I carried on. For a couple of minutes, the only sounds I could make out were my own breathing, the rustling of my clothes and the wind in the trees.

"Are you sure I can't come and pick you up? We can go for a jog together or something?" She sounded desperate.

"Thanks Alice. I'm so grateful I have you in my life."

"But you're not going to let me pick you up, are you?"

"No." I replied, once again shaking my head for no one in particular.

"Suit yourself – but please promise me that you'll reply if I text you and that you'll let Edward pick you up as soon as he's available. Otherwise, I'll be forced to form a search party."

"Yes ma'am."

"Be careful."

"I will."

I'm not sure how long or how far I walked, but it was enough for the light sprinkles to have completely soaked through my clothes. My stomach rumbled loudly, so I assumed it was after noon already, and the light mist that I was able to collect on my tongue from time to time was barely enough to keep me hydrated. But the burning that was starting up in my legs felt good and the pain I was feeling from wearing inappropriate walking shoes was distracting me from all of the other things I wanted so desperately not to think or feel. So I pressed on. I was still surrounded by trees when I received Edward's call.

"How are you all doing?" I asked.

"Tired. I think we're all trying to come to terms with the fact that it's really over."

"What happened at the funeral home?"

He sighed. "We finalized all the arrangements already. The funeral is scheduled for Tuesday morning."

"Are you still with Renee and Phil?"

"I just left them. We stopped by the diner for some lunch first. Have you eaten anything? Do you want me to bring something home? I'm on my way now."

It didn't make any sense to me how he would offer to bring me food in Forks when he was on his way to the house in Port Angeles. Then it dawned on me.

He was coming home –_ to me._ It was as if the rain stopped and the clouds parted and the sun was shining brightly down upon me.

"No, don't worry about bringing me anything." I muttered through my little epiphany.

"How did things go with your friends? Is all forgiven?"

"Rose and I had a nasty fight. We each said some really awful things. I slapped her." I was void of emotion as I reported the cliff notes of what had happened.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Are you still with them now?"

"Not quite. I was so upset that I decided to go for a walk. Do you think you could pick me up?"

"Yeah, no problem. Where are you?"

"Um…" I looked around, trying to find a landmark to help me figure out how far I had walked. "…Along highway 101, somewhere between the Hale's house and Forks?"

"Are you kidding me? What are you doing all the way out there?"

"Like I told you, I decided to go for a walk."

"And where were you trying to get to?"

"Home?"

"From their house? In the rain?"

"Um…" I was starting to feel kind of stupid. "…yeah?"

"How long have you been walking?"

"What time is it?"

"It's one thirty."

_Shit. I'd been walking for more than two hours! _"A while?" I hedged. "I just needed to get away. I needed some time to think."

He huffed. "Be careful. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon." He muttered.

The past two and a half hours had flown by. I had become so lost in thought that I had been unable to mark the passage of time. However, seconds now ticked by as I waited to see Edward again. I spent the time brainstorming how I was going to tell him that I loved him. I thought about writing it on my stomach in marker, allowing him to slowly undress me until he could read the words on my anxious body. I considered cooking a fancy meal for him, spelling it out in chocolate syrup on his dessert plate. I imagined taking him out on the ATV to that fantastic vista Emmet had introduced me to, and whispering it in his ear as we bathed in the waterfall.

I thought of a million different scenarios: sweet, funny, sensual, silly, romantic, erotic.

I recognized the sound of the Volvo as he rounded the curve behind me. I stopped and turned around as he slowly pulled up beside me, coasting slow enough that the tires wouldn't spray me with the slick road water.

I pulled open the door just as he mumbled "You're crazy, you know that?"

One look into his eyes and all of my planning flew out the window. "I love you."

"_What?"_ His eyes grew wide, as if he couldn't believe he had heard me right.

I slid into the heated interior, ignoring the way my clothes squished against the leather seat, closing the door quietly behind me. I lifted my hand to his cheek, nudging his chin with my fingers to close his mouth. I warmed from the inside out. _"I love you."_

The car illuminated with the power of his smile. "Took you long enough!" He laughed as he pulled me across the divide, practically holding me in his lap – wet clothes and all – and kissed me passionately. A horn blared as a car swerved to pass us, but he didn't care. We peppered each other with kisses and held each other tight and, as was always the case, everything was right with the world as long as I was in his arms.

**A/N:** _The lemon shipment is expected to arrive next chapter, and it's gonna be a doozy! The Volturi is so excited that they're coming over to help me unload! You can help out by keeping the reviews coming!_


	30. We Matched

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The kinkiness belongs to me._

Warning: _Lemon and lime and all kinds of citrusy goodness!_

Approx: _12 Pages/__ 5,955 Words_

**CHAPTER 30: ALWAYS YOURS**

Knowing that I loved him made wanting him all the more consuming. "Edward…" I mumbled between frantic kisses. "…let's go home."

_Before I rip off your clothes and get us arrested for indecent exposure in the middle of the 101!_

"_I thought you'd never ask…"_ he muttered as he continued to kiss me while simultaneously placing me back into the passenger seat.

Once I was safely back in my seat, he pulled away, fire burning in his incredible green eyes. He took my hand as we sped for home.

My foot tapped restlessly with my growing anticipation. _I'm ready. I want this._

My body hummed - the electricity flowing freely between us in the confines of the car, making my hair stand on end. Various scenes played before my eyes against the backdrop of blurring trees.

Edward's hand fisting in my hair. His teeth tugging at my nipple. His tongue dipping into my dripping pussy. My hands gripping and squeezing his deliciously tight ass. His amazing cock twitching on my lips. The taste of his arousal on my tongue. The beatific look of glory on his face as I made him cum.

The longer my fantasies played on, the more I realized how many of them revolved around him. His body. His face. His eyes. His voice. His smell and taste. _His pleasure._

Strangely, the thoughts of the places I wanted to explore on his body, the sensations I wanted to make him feel and the things I wanted to make him say heightened my arousal more than any of the fantasies that revolved around my own gratification. Turning him on, ravishing his body and making him cum over and over again as he screamed my name fueled me, driving me insane with wanton desire.

Ironically, our breathing had only become more labored since we parted. Edward kept licking his lips and squeezing my hand, growling low and deep in his chest whenever he happened to risk glancing at me. My panties were thoroughly soaked from my desires and vivid imagination. A lingering look at his ever swelling crotch let me know that he was feeling the same.

He had said, more than anything else, he wanted to make love to me.

I wanted that too.

But I was seriously beginning to think that we'd have to get a lot of this pent up tension out of the way before we would be able to do anything that even remotely resembled slow, sweet love making. Right now, I wanted him buried deep within me, hard and fast and fierce. I wanted hair pulling and biting and scratching. I wanted him to roughly take me with wild abandon.

Knowing how deeply we were connected; realizing the sea of emotions that now bonded us didn't lessen the attraction I had felt for him since the very first time I saw him. Love and friendship and loyalty and devotion in no way hindered the raw, unadulterated lust I had always felt for him. The two coincided, each making the other more incredibly intense.

I threw my head back against the seat, whimpering and sighing, trying to clear the insane desire that was heating my face and spinning my thoughts into an uncontrollable tornado of yearning. My right hand strained downward on my thigh as I attempted to release some of the tension from my fingers.

"_God, Bella. Are you trying to drive me insane?" _The sound of his gravel and leather pelted my hypersensitive skin as he moved our entwined hands over my thigh, pressing the back of my hand against my quivering center. His fingers reached around my hand, aching to touch me. My head pushed hard against the head rest, my eyes clenching, a moan escaping my throat as I arched myself against our hands.

The engine revved as we now reached the town limits, Edward nearly losing control of the car on the slick pavement as he raced for my apartment. My seatbelt was off and I was out of the passenger side door before he even had the Volvo in park. My trembling legs nearly gave out on me as I ran to the door, fumbling in my purse for my house keys.

Edward was quickly behind me, rubbing his erection delectably against my ass, making it incredibly difficult to focus on finding my keys in my oversized bag. He groaned as he bit down lightly on my shoulder and my pussy gushed in response. _"Bella, if you don't open the door soon I'm going to have to take you right here on your front steps!"_ He growled sensuously in my ear.

I almost said _Fuck it all_, threw my purse in the bushes and turned around to make it easier for him.

My hand finally touched upon the familiar metal of my keys and I dug them out of my purse, frantically searching through them to find my house key. Edward's mastery of nibbling on my earlobe was doing nothing to help my concentration.

I shoved the key into the keyhole just as Edward's tongue dipped into my ear, causing my legs to give out.

He slid his hand behind my knee and swooped me up before I hit the ground. _"God, Bella. I want you so bad…"_ I wrapped my arms around his neck as he managed to carry me and throw the door open at the same time.

Once inside the apartment, I pulled his mouth to mine hungrily, taking his tongue into my mouth and sliding my tongue over it, sucking on his addictive taste. He shifted me so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. I rocked my hips, grinding against his hard bulge as he moaned into my mouth. I knotted my fingers into his hair, pulling him to me, trying to get closer to him than was humanly possible.

"Helloooooo…" a pixie voice crooned from behind me. A gruffer voice coughed awkwardly.

With my lips still swollen and puckered from our heated kiss, I slowly turned toward the voice. Edward mirrored my movement perfectly, his cheek pressed firmly against mine, lips pouty and flushed.

The little hobbit was rocking back and forth from her heels to her toes, swaying her arms nervously. She had sucked her lips back between her teeth, pressing her lips into a fine line as she bit back her smile. "Sooo, look who I invited to dinner." She raised her tiny little hands into the air like a mannequin, gesturing to our guests. "Surprise?"

Billy Black, Jacob and his girlfriend Renesmee were standing in front of the couch with amused expressions on their faces. My father stood on Alice's right, a beer clenched tightly in his hand. I wouldn't necessarily describe his look as "amused." It bordered more on the kind of look that would make people dial 911 with the fear that he was having a coronary.

Edward's body was absolutely still, but he had yet to put me down or release his grip on my ass. He was paralyzed with fear and shock and embarrassment. I'm sure what Charlie said next didn't help matters.

"Mind putting my daughter down for a minute, young man?" I'm pretty sure the color of his cheeks was not normal, nor was the vein that throbbed across his forehead.

"Oh, um, yes sir." Edward stuttered, setting me gently down on my feet, bowing his head in shame. I swallowed nervously.

"Well this is interesting…" Jacob smirked. Nessie pinched his arm as Billy chuckled at his little joke.

The situation couldn't have felt more tense or awkward, but I attempted to fight off my discomfort for everyone involved – especially Edward. If this was weird for me, I only imagined how difficult it must be for him as he met these people for the first time – without warning in a compromising situation.

Sure, it was weird, but we had done nothing wrong. We had absolutely nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

_We hadn't gotten that far, yet._

I took his hand in mine, stepping forward into the room, pulling Edward reluctantly beside me. "Dad, this is my boyfriend, Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my father Charlie." Edward extended his hand to my father, who ignored it.

"Bella, may I speak to you for a moment?" He didn't wait for an answer, instead, he laid his beer down on the side table and began walked toward my room.

Edward sighed in disappointment. "No, dad. Not right now – I don't think that would be polite to everyone involved." He glared at me. I set my jaw, feelings of teenage rebellion bubbling back to the surface. "I understand that what you just saw must be uncomfortable and I'm sorry for that. But there is nothing wrong with kissing my boyfriend."

His face grew even more dangerously crimson in color. "Bella, that was hardly kissing…" he flustered.

"And I am an adult and this is my home, Dad. He's important and he's not going anywhere, so you can either continue making this situation uncomfortable for everyone involved or you can come over here and shake the hand of the man that I'm in love with." Everyone audibly gasped. Edward look down at my face with absolute adoration. It was only the second time I had said it out loud and yet I had just declared it to a room full of people. Not even Edward had been bold enough to make that move yet, and I could see how much it meant to him.

"Chief Swan, I apologize that you saw that, and I can understand what you must think of me right now. But I assure you that I love Bella wholeheartedly, and I respect and appreciate her more than you could possibly know. This isn't the way I would want to meet you, but since I can't undo that, I hope that you will give me a chance to make it up to you. I want nothing more than to convince you that I'm the right guy for your daughter." He squared his shoulders and perfected his posture, easily standing one or two inches taller than my father. He looked confident and…_proud._ Edward Cullen was standing up to my father because he was proud to be _with me._

My heart swelled within my chest, pressing painfully against the ribs that ached to restrain it.

All eyes were on my father now. "This is better than a soap opera!" Jacob whispered to his girlfriend, loud enough for all of us to hear. She elbowed him, her eyes showing how invested she had become in our little drama.

Charlie huffed and looked over at his friends, gauging their reactions for a second. His face slowly began to return to a human color as he settled his mind. He crooked a sideway little smirk at me. "You really love this guy, Bells?" He nodded toward Edward without taking his eyes off of me.

With our hands still entwined, I leaned against Edward's shoulder, hugging his arm with my other hand. I finally allowed myself to smile, to reveal just how very happy Edward made me. "I really, really do, dad."

He rolled his eyes and huffed once more before striding back over to us and extending his hand. "Then I guess it's nice to meet you Edward." He didn't _look_ like it was nice to meet him, but he was trying and that's all I could ask for. Edward flashed his most charming smile and firmly grasped my father's hand. My father surprised me when he leaned in, his cheek surprisingly close to my boyfriend's ear. "But if you hurt her like the last guy did, I will hunt you down and kill you and they will never discover the remains – do I make myself clear?"

My mouth dropped open in shock and I stared into Edward's eyes, worried at what I might see.

Still gripping my father's hand tightly, Edward actually _smiled._ I hadn't expected that. "Chief Swan, if I hurt Bella, you won't have to hunt me down. You'll find me right on your doorstep, begging for death."

Charlie looked at him dubiously, a smile playing on his lips.

"Wow, he's good." Billy mused.

"Where does he get this stuff?" Jacob exclaimed in wonder.

Nessie pinched him again. "Pay attention, baby, you could learn a thing or two." She smiled at me and looked at Edward appreciatively.

I knew that she was harmless – she was in love with Jacob and Edward was in love with me and there was nothing to worry about – but that didn't stop the green eyed monster within me from rearing its ugly head.

_Mine!_ The beast snarled with me. _Mine! Mine! Mine!_

That was something new. Another little emotion that James had never evoked within me. I suddenly had the urge to bite him on the neck in front of everybody – to somehow mark him so that there were no questions about who he belonged with. Then I remembered the way we had just entered the room.

_Oh, yeah. Guess I already did that._

The green eyed monster within me crossed its meaty, hairy arms and grumbled as he slunk back into the dark recesses of my mind – but I knew he'd find his way back out sooner or later.

Alice clasped her hands, beaming brightly as if we had just discovered a map to Atlantis. "Well, now that that's settled, let's get dinner ready!"

Despite its rough beginnings, dinner went rather well. Alice hadn't really thought the whole thing through very well – we settled on spaghetti because it was the only thing we had enough of – but her heart was in the right place. During my long walk, she worried that I would let the things that Rosalie had said get to me, so she wanted me to come home to a house full of loving people who wouldn't let me sink into depression. With intentions that sweet, I couldn't stay mad at her for cockblocking me, though the unsatisfied need made it difficult to concentrate.

Our dining room table wasn't big enough for the seven of us, so we ate in the living room. Edward sat beside me on the floor, eating on the coffee table while our guests gathered on the sofa and armchair. Every fleeting touch distracted me, all of my neurons and nerve endings focusing on whatever brief connection we had made. I watched his long, slender fingers as he twirled the noodles around his fork and my thighs tightened, attempting to apply pressure to the aching need. Once, I nearly moaned out loud as he raised his fork above his head with a stubborn noodle that refused to be tamed. The noodle dangled provocatively over his open mouth as he slowly dropped it between his beautiful lips.

Alice, who was sitting on my other side, was attentive enough to pull me back into the conversation whenever she noticed me drifting into my wayward thoughts. I don't know if Edward was tempting me on purpose or not, but I thought I caught a sly smile dancing on his lips every now and then.

Once they all loosened up, the guys took a real liking to Edward. Jake talked about the VW Rabbit he was working to rebuild and they all excitedly got caught up in car talk. While the girls and I washed the dishes, Edward made plans for me to take him to the Quileute rez as soon as possible so that he could meet the rest of their wayward gang and take a look at the stuff Jake had going on his garage. Edward even managed to impress Charlie with the legal knowledge he had gained from working at Phil's office. It was almost as good as telling Charlie he was a bona fide cop.

After dinner, we played charades. I hated doing this to Edward, but it was a sort of right of passage among my circle of friends. Just the fact that they wanted to do this to him made me feel like he truly belonged.

We waited for Edward to excuse himself to the bathroom before we all looked at the next card to be pulled. The clue was "Cow Poke". We passed the card around so that everyone knew what the word was and then put it back so that it would be the next card he would draw. Then, for ten minutes, we watched him contort himself every which way while absolutely refusing to say the right answer. He gyrated and swiveled his hips while my girly parts cheered in response. The harder he had to try to get us to guess the word, the more we all laughed. He got so frustrated that he just started cracking up, beautiful happy tears running down his face.

I finally gave in. "COW POKE!" I yelled as he doubled over chuckling.

"You freaking knew all along?" He shouted through his laughter.

Charlie's face had taken on a purple hue as he gasped for air and wiped at his eyes. "You've just been initiated into the family, son! Think you love my daughter enough to stick around for more of this?

Edward collapsed on the floor beside me, squeezing me to him tightly. "You couldn't tear me away."

We saw our guests out around nine, standing in the doorway of our apartment, Edward standing behind me with an arm wrapped casually around my waist, his hand resting on the curve of my hip where it belonged.

Ali surprised me when she pushed past us, a tiny overnight bag in her hand. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Bella! I haven't seen Jasper for _hours!_ I need a fix…and, um…it might take all night to fix me!" She giggled wickedly. She turned and pranced a couple of steps toward her car before spinning back to face us with a mischievous little grin on her tiny face. "_Good night_, you two!" She called out suggestively with a wink before hopping in the bright yellow Porsche. Her suggestion didn't go unnoticed by the butterflies who had now engaged in a full out tug-of-war with the knotted rope in my stomach. I'm pretty sure they were wearing cleats as an extra measure.

We watched Alice drive out of sight before closing the door and locking it.

"So…" Edward stared down at me, his hands on my hips, the corner of his lips puckering in a restrained smile, "that was interesting."

_How can my body still be on fucking fire? We started this hours ago!_

I burned so badly for him that I felt like I should be nothing but ash by now.

I swallowed. "You were wonderful, Edward. I'm so sorry about that – about them being here, seeing us, _my dad_…" He had managed to rescue a terribly awkward situation and turn it into a delightful night full of laughter and fun.

His eyes sparked. "You told your family that you love me." He said with awe.

I couldn't help but smile. "So did you."

He cupped my face in his big hands, his eyes boring into mine. "Tell me again, Bella."

My knees grew weak.

_God. Anything Edward. Anything you want._

"I love you, Edward Anthony Cullen."

He kissed me sweetly and then leaned his forehead against mine, his sweet, warm breath washing over my face. "And I love you, Isabella Marie Swan."

I brought my hands to his face, mimicking the precious way that he held me. He circled the tip of his nose around mine before skimming it up along the bridge of my nose and into my hair. He placed a soft, sensuous kiss on my forehead before lowering his lips to kiss gently on my eye lids. He placed another soft, deliberate kiss on my left cheek before ghosting his mouth across mine to kiss my right cheek the same way. Everything within me was vibrating wildly out of my control.

He hovered his lips just over mine, sharing each other's breath in the sweetest kind of agony. I wanted him to kiss me, but I also wanted to stay just like this forever. He brought his mouth to mine painstakingly slowly, that same ever present current buzzing between our lips before we ever touched.

He pecked me softly and quickly before pulling back, taunting me. I steeled myself, reveling in the torture. Another soft peck held slightly longer than the first before pulling away just slightly. I licked my lips, my breath quickening. Another chaste kiss. Then another, slightly less chaste than the last.

The tension had built up to the breaking point, snapping and reverberating between us as he pulled me to him, sucking on my bottom lip deliriously. I thrust my fingers into his wild hair, pulling him to me, throwing my leg around his hip in an attempt to climb up his hard body. He bent down to place his hands behind my thighs, lifting me back into place to continue where we had left off earlier today.

Our mouths crashed against each other, our tongues thrusting, seeking depth and warmth and sweet love. In my desperation to pull him closer still, I dug my nails into his scalp, clenching his hair in my hands. This elicited a moan as he squeezed my ass, pulling me hard against his enflamed erection. Oh, but the pressure was so incredible!

_More! I want more!_

He turned around, pinning me to the door as he thrust his hips against me. He sucked and bit along my jaw and my neck as he pressed against my eager center again and again. "_Edward! God, Edward. Oh, that feels so good! I want you so bad, baby."_

I was babbling. I wasn't even naked and yet and I was already incoherent.

"_Who do you love, Bella?"_

"_You! I love you Edward! No one else but you!"_

The door jostled as his bulge rubbed against my sweet spot over and over. _"And whose going to fuck you till you cum?"_

He palmed my breast roughly through my shirt. "_You, Edward! Fuck me, baby! Fuck me good!"_

He lowered his head to my shoulder as he continued to buck against me even harder and faster. "_And whose name are you going to scream as you cum, baby?"_

"_You Edward! Fuck! Fuck! Yes Edward! Yes! Yes! Yes!"_

He bit down on my collarbone as my body trembled with the overwhelming surge of my orgasm.

He growled as he shifted me around to carry me bridal style into my bedroom. My hands were shaking, making it nearly impossible to unbutton his shirt as he carried me. I managed to get two buttons undone by the time he placed me on the edge of my bed. I bit my lip in concentration as I worked diligently on the third button. He flicked my hands away, grabbed his shirt and ripped it off of his heavenly body.

"_Holy fucking shit!" _I yelled at his intensely animalistic display.

_Fuck, that is hot! I am going to buy him a thousand shirts just so I can watch him do that again and again!_

He tore my shirt over my head and unceremoniously unsnapped my bra, pulled it off of me and flung it across the room. He knelt down on the floor between my legs, sucking my tits into his mouth. I arched my back, offering myself to him as I ran my fingers through his hair, greedily holding him to my breast. He flicked his tongue back and forth over my swollen nipple, causing it to elongate even more under his trained touch. He pulled back and blew gently, the cool sensation making me whimper with delight.

He brought his hand up to knead and rub and pinch and pull on my well loved tit while he focused his mouth on exciting the other. My panties were absolutely drenched.

As he continued lavishing his attention on my breasts, his hands wandered down my sides to my hips. With his mouth, he pressed towards me, coaxing me to lay back. As soon as my shoulders touched the downy comforter, he dug his nails into my waistband and tugged my pants down. I raised my hips up off of the bed as he peeled my pants and panties off the rest of the way.

My clothes hadn't even landed on the floor before his head was between my legs, his mouth opened wide to feast on my sex. He slid his tongue up my slit to my sensitive bundle of nerves. He tongued my clit generously, making me writhe anxiously beneath him. He sucked me into his mouth, his pouty lips massaging against the swollen nub. My body was absolutely quaking with pleasure. Just as he had done with my nipples, he bathed my clit thoroughly before blowing across it, the cooling sensation making my pussy contract.

He slid his right hand between my folds, spreading me wide with his fingers before thrusting his tongue inside eagerly. He licked and probed and flicked and massaged while his nose continued the extraordinary assault on my clit.

My hands fisted in the comforter, twisting and pulling at the cloth savagely as he ravaged me. He brought his other hand up above his head and pinched my bud between his forefinger and thumb as he began licking circles over it. Beyond my control, my body bucked against him just as he plunged two fingers deep inside of my tight center. My pussy gripped him as he curled his fingers against the sweetest spot within me. He plunged in and out as I hurled myself toward utopia - my toes curling, my back arching, my eyes rolling as I convulsed with an earth moving climax.

_More. I still. Want. More._

"_I need you, Edward. I need to feel you against me. I need to hold you, I need to feel you moving inside me." _He groaned as he lunged on top of me, kissing me passionately while holding all of his weight on his arms. _No. That's not close enough. I need him closer._

I rolled us over, pushing him onto his back. Although the trembling had yet to cease, my desire and need drove me to still my movements enough that I could deftly unbuckle his belt and yank it off. I straddled his lean thighs as I popped the button and slid down his zipper. I shifted his pants far enough off of his hips that I could pull him free, moaning and biting my lips as his staggeringly beautiful cock rose before me. "Mmmmm, Edward. God, you're so beautiful. I want you so fucking bad, baby."

I lowered my body so that my nipples only barely skimmed across his skin, backing up as I peeled his pants, revealing more of his glorious body inch by inch. "Move back, baby. I plan on taking my time with you and I want you to be comfortable." His eyes were almost black with lust as he pulled himself further onto the bed.

I kissed the inside of his ankle, his calf, his knee and his thigh as I slowly crawled up his body. I kissed his upper thigh, running my tongue along the inguinal ligament that runs from his crotch up to his hip.

_That's right - I find that indentation so hot I googled the mother fucker!_

I nipped at his hip before sucking on the salty, smooth skin there. I sucked on his nipples, repeating the things he had done to my breasts, hoping that it would feel as good to him as it did me. Watching the way his abs and pecks contract as I blew across the wet peaks made me believe that it did.

I was straddling him as I began licking up his throat, placing an open mouthed kiss on his Adam's apple. His firm dick was right between my legs, sliding in the wetness between my folds. I moved slowly, not taking him inside me, but rubbing my slick, hot pussy up and down along his shaft. He pulled my mouth to his.

"_God, I can taste myself on your tongue, Edward. We taste so good together." _I sucked on his delicious tongue as he groaned.

I pressed my tits against him, leaning down into his ear.

"_I've wanted you so bad for so long Edward. I've dreamed about all the ways I want to make love to you." _I kissed the sensitive corner of his jaw. "_But right now, baby, I just want to fuck you. I just want to take you deep inside me, over and over again, all night long. I want you to plunge into me; show me how badly you want me. I want to feel your big, thick cock filling every inch of my pussy as you give it to me hard and fast." _He grabbed my ass, squeezing my cheeks tightly. He thrust up, gliding his cock between my lips, banging my clit against the base of his shaft. I took his earlobe into my mouth and bit down gently before sucking on it. _"But right now, the more I think about that glorious dick of yours, the more I want to take you in my mouth. I want to feel the way your cock twitches as I suck you down. I want to hold your balls when they contract with your climax. I want to take you in…all of you." _He thrust again, impatient for contact. _"Would you like that, baby? Do you want me to suck on your cock? Do you want to cum in my mouth?" _

His hands tangled in my hair as he sucked on my neck. _"Yes Bella. I want to watch your pretty little mouth as you slide down my shaft. I want to feel that perfect, soft tongue of yours licking up and down my length. I want to watch as my head passes in and out of your beautiful lips."_ He squeezed my breast. _"Suck me, Bella. Make me yours."_

_Make _him mine?

_That was unacceptable._

The green eyed monster was back with a vengeance.

I leaned down to his collarbone and bit down (actually a little harder than I intended to!) He hissed with a mixture of pain and pleasure as his fingers dug into my hips. I released my teeth, easing my tongue around the red mark I left behind. I grabbed his hair and pulled back, making him look into my eyes. "You _are_ mine, Edward." I kissed him fiercely before pulling away, my eyes boring into his. _"Mine."_ I snarled in a voice I didn't recognize.

His eyes were black as midnight. "_Yours, Bella. I'm all yours."_

I spun around so that I was now kneeling on the bed beside him. I kissed down his jaw, chest and abs until I got back to his magnificent cock, now slick with my juices. I ran my tongue from the base of his shaft up to his thick head, watching the goose bumps break out across his skin. I circled my tongue around the ridge of his head, pushing my lips down just over the tip before popping back off of him. I scraped my teeth against the underside of his rod with a feather light touch before taking him into my mouth once again, loving the way he moaned and squirmed at my touch.

I tickled his balls with my right hand as I began pumping up and down on his massive erection. I squeezed and pulled and massaged as I continued to lavish his dick with my tongue, teeth and lips.

As I got more into it, I turned my body so that I was facing more towards his feet, my ass rising up in the air as I leaned over to slide my lips further and further down his shaft. As I was finally able to take his entire length in me, he surprised me with a quick swat to my ass.

I surprised me by liking it. _A lot._

I moaned in ecstasy sending tremors of pleasure straight into his cock. He began kneading my ass as I bobbed up and down on him enthusiastically. Every time I relaxed my throat enough to take him entirely in, he rewarded me with another little slap on the ass and I would reward him with the deep vibrations of my moaning and groaning.

He shifted slightly underneath me, angling so that his upper body was closer to my feet. Then, without warning, he lifted my leg, placed it on the other side of his head and hummed against my pussy.

_Fuckity-fuck-fuck! We're gonna sixty-nine!_

I went at his cock with abandon, pulling him as deep into my throat as I possibly could. He looped his arms around my waist and over my hips so that he was grabbing onto my ass cheeks, lifting himself off the bed to thoroughly eat my pussy.

It was incredible. Absolutely other worldly. His hands on my ass and my back. My tongue tracing the veins in this throbbing dick. His delicious lips on my pussy. Our bodies pulsing up and down selfishly against the other's mouth. The more I sucked and teased and stroked the better he licked and plunged and nibbled. And the more he pleased me, the more I wanted to please him.

It was an endless, maddening, euphoric, spiritual experience. A complete give and take of unimaginable pleasure. I had absolutely no control over my body any more. He played me like an instrument, his touches making me dance. My muscles contracted and spasmed as he brought me to the edge and pushed me over. I kneaded his balls tightly as I screamed my release around his cock, drinking his pleasure deep within.

I was utterly spent. I rolled my limp body off of him, my muscles and bones reduced to the consistency of jelly. I came to my senses one by one. First, I could see the shadows from the moonlight and the trees outside dancing against my ceiling. Then I could hear our labored breathing and my own pounding heart. The room smelled of lavender and Edward and the heady aroma of sex. I hummed and smiled as I realized I could still taste him on my tongue. And finally, most exquisitely, I could feel Edward running his hand up and down my leg. This touch wasn't sexual. It was satisfied. It wasn't urgent – just needy.

_We simply couldn't resist touching each other. We needed the contact like we needed air._

"I love you." I said, still staring up at the ceiling.

"And I love you." He responded sleepily.

With my senses in tact, I slowly regained control over my body. I sat up and turned around so that I could crawl over next to him. He held his arms out to me, welcoming me immediately as I folded myself into his side.

I looked up at his face, noticing a red spot near his throat out of my peripheral. When my eyes focused more clearly on it, I remembered how vicious I had been in the throws of passion. I traced my finger around the circular impression, ashamed now for the way I had marked him.

"I'm yours, Bella. Only yours." Just as I was about to apologize, he distracted me by moving his hand to my own collarbone, drawing a lazy circle with his fingers. "_And you are mine."_

The memory seemed hazy until I remembered – _he had bitten me first._

There was no need for apologies and shame. We understood each other. _We matched._

"Only yours, Edward. Always yours."

**A/N:** _The lemon shipment has arrived! Was it worth the wait? Press the handy-dandy review button and tell me what you think!_


	31. Crashing In My Ears

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. You can blame me for the rest of this stuff._

Warning: _Hmmm….lime with a hint of mint… I'll give this one a mojito warning! Ha ha ha_

Approx: _9 Pages/__ 3,937 Words_

**CHAPTER 31: CRASHING IN MY EARS**

I woke up to find Edward's delectable fingers tracing the curves and angles of my face, studying me closely as I had studied him previously. His eyes shined as I looked into them. Although there was nothing but love and adoration in his eyes and fingertips, I was instantly aware of the stiffness that pressed evocatively against my hip.

"Good morning." He smiled sweetly as he leaned in for a kiss.

I brought my finger to his lips to stall him and threw my other hand over my mouth. "Morning breath. Hold on." I flung the covers off and raced to the door, dashed for the bathroom, grabbed what I needed and hurried back to the bedroom.

While I was gone, he had rolled onto his back, threading his fingers together behind his head. He kicked the covers off as well, allowing his cock to stand erect, proud and unhindered. Without turning his head, he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and cocked a sideways smirk. "What's that?"

I drank from the glass, appreciating the way the wetness moistened my lips and tongue and throat. "It's water. Want some?" I asked innocently.

He smiled wider at my charade and shook his head. He extended his hand to me, inviting me back into bed. "Not the water, what do you have in the other hand?"

I took his hand, climbing onto the bed to kneel beside him. "Oh, this little thing? It's just toothpaste." I smiled sweetly, maintaining my innocent façade.

His hand wandered over my hip and side and back, sending shivers up my spine. "And exactly what do you plan on doing with that in the bedroom?" He arched an eyebrow speculatively and I bit my lip in response.

I twisted the tiny cap off and tossed it onto my nightstand before running my fingertip tantalizingly over the end of the tube, collecting just a whisper of the minty flavor. "I told you I didn't want to have morning breath, remember?" I ran my finger over my lips before slipping my finger into my mouth and sucking seductively.

He clenched his jaw provocatively and I had to fight the urge to smother him with kisses. That wasn't what I had in mind for this moment.

I watched his eyes darken as I pulled my finger slowly out from between my lips. I squeezed a dollop of toothpaste onto my moistened fingertip, feeling a wicked little smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.

I rubbed just the tiniest bit off on his nipples, sucking on each of them before blowing on the cool peaks. His mouth puckered beautifully as he exhaled with the sensation and then licked his lips in anticipation.

I ran a line of the creamy paste along that beautiful indentation below his abdomen that I can never get enough of. I sucked on his hip before tracing my tongue along the minty path to his crotch. I nipped at the delicate skin at the end of the path, causing him to arch his back. He closed his eyes as his head pushed back against my soft pillows.

I squeezed more of the cream onto the end of his shaft before finally putting the tube down. I put my palms together, interlocking my fingers, and set the sides of my hand right into the cream on the tip of his cock. I firmly slid my hands down his length, spreading the cooling sensation of the toothpaste down his shaft. He shivered and moaned.

I parted my hands and decided to try something I'd read about online. I wrapped my right fist around his head and pulled down, followed a second later by my left fist. As soon as my fist reached the base of his length, I would let go and return to the head only to repeat the descent over and over again.

His legs began to tremble with the feeling of the never ending pussy, but the cream was no longer as slick as I needed it to be, so I slipped my mouth around his length and drew him in deeply.

He groaned at the unexpected feeling, his hands clawing at the sheets beside him. "God, Bella! Your mouth is incredible!"

I hummed appreciatively and he rocked his hips slightly, fighting the urge to thrust deeper into my mouth.

I sucked and licked and kissed and nibbled, bringing him right to the edge of ecstasy before pulling away. I quickly squeezed just a little more toothpaste onto my palm and returned to stroking him slowly, pulling him just the tiniest bit back from the ledge. Once his hands stopped clawing at the sheets and the muscles in his thighs relaxed, I sucked his entire length back into my mouth, shocking him once again.

I did this a total of three times – stroking on the minty lather before sucking it back off and bringing him seconds from climax only to stroke him slowly back from the ledge. I seriously had to fight back the smile I felt easing onto my face at being able to work his body up into this frenzy.

Finally, I released him from the torture, moaning and groaning as I simultaneously sucked him and stroked him to climax. He groaned loudly, twisting the sheets around his fingers as his body contracted, then slapping the bed as he finally found his release.

I wished I had a video camera just so I could watch him relive that moment again and again.

Having thoroughly ravished him, I straddled his well spent member and ran my hands up his chest, finally allowing the smile to invade my face as I looked at his satisfied expression. He closed his eyes as I leaned down and kissed him tenderly. "Mmmm, minty fresh." He hummed with a smile. "I may have to burn your toothbrush."

I buried my head into his chest as his fingers lazily caressed my arms and shoulders and hips and back. It was peacefully delightful.

Basking in his warmth and love, I sighed contentedly. "How about you wash that stuff off and I'll make us breakfast?"

His arms circled around me, holding me tightly to him. "I have a better idea – why don't you help me wash this stuff off and we'll make breakfast together?"

I groaned and pouted playfully like a petulant child. "_Okaaaaaaay, if I have to…"_ He laughed at my antics and kissed my hair.

Inside the shower, I picked up the shampoo to squeeze some into my palms when he snatched it from me, holding it high enough above my head that I couldn't reach it. "And what do you think you're doing?" He teased.

"I'm washing your hair?" I asked. He shook his head with a taunting grin.

"You're washing your hair?" I corrected. He shook his head once again. "I'm washing _your_ hair this time." Goose bumps chased down my spine and arms as I broke into a big smile. He put the shampoo bottle down for a moment and slipped his arms around my waist, pulling our slick bodies together. I bit my lip as his erection pressed against my belly.

With one hand splayed just above my ass and one hand supporting between my shoulder blades, he dipped me, allowing the spray to saturate my hair. He leaned in, kissing the circular mark on my collarbone. "You have no idea how incredibly beautiful you are, my Bella. It's like holding an angel."

He pulled me out of the spray, taking my face in his hands and pressing his lips gently against my eye lids. He squeezed my shampoo into his hands and rubbed them briskly, working up a decent lather before easing his fingers into my thick, wet hair.

He massaged my scalp thoroughly, washing away all the hurt and pain and anger and worry that had so recently been soiling my mind. My head felt lighter, filled with clouds imported from heaven.

He leaned me under the stream again, this time meticulously rinsing all of the suds out of my hair. I felt the bubbles slide down my back and pop over my ass with faint tingling sensations.

"Now can I wash your hair?"

He handed me the shampoo bottle with a subtle, crooked grin. "As you wish." Then he knelt down before me, bowing his head as if waiting to be knighted.

I squeezed the shampoo into my hands, working up lather before running my fingers through his Sex-God hair. His hands ran from my knees, up the sides of my thighs to my hips as I worked the suds in circles over his scalp. He brought his face up slowly, emerald eyes looking up at me lustfully beneath long, black lashes. My hands stilled as he brought his lips to my stomach and kissed my navel erotically.

"You're not washing my hair, Bella…" the gravel and leather was back in his voice. "That felt good. Please don't stop."

I began stroking my fingers along his scalp as he dipped his head back to my body and nipped at the faint indentation I had that mimicked his. My fingers clenched in his hair, tugging slightly.

He pulled back to look up at me again, cocking his brow with a smirk. "The shampoo, Bella?" He prompted.

I willed my fingers to loosen my grasp on his hair so that I could work the lather deeper to the roots and towards the back of his neck. He made it incredibly difficult to focus as his hands moved around and between my thighs and back down to my knees, coaxing me to spread my legs. I did as he asked, straining to focus on the task of washing his beautiful bronze hair.

His kissed from my navel downward until his head slipped further between my legs and he took my mound into his wide, open mouth. My hips thrust forward and he quickly grabbed my ass, holding me in that position so that he would have better access my sex.

I moaned as I worked my fingers through his slick hair, pulling him to me greedily.

He sucked my clit between his luscious lips and I whimpered, my hands twisting into his hair as I pulsed against his lips. His hands grabbed at my ass, pulling my cheeks apart before squeezing them firmly back together.

As I tugged roughly on his hair, he hummed, the vibrations eliciting a moan from deep within my throat. I growled wantonly.

"You taste so good, Bella. I love your sweetness on my tongue. I am so addicted to the smell, sight and taste of you. I can't get enough." He groaned between my legs as he thrust a finger inside of me and nibbled on my clit.

"Oh God, Edward!" I cried out as my legs began to tremble. His head moved frantically between my thighs as I kneaded his scalp anxiously.

He pounded a second finger into me as his other hand wound under my ass and slipped up between my crack. I hadn't tried anything like that before, but as his fingertips circled against my hole, the most delirious pressure built up within me.

"Do you like that, Bella?" He murmured against my pussy.

"Fuck! Yes Edward! It feels so good! Don't stop, baby! Please, don't stop!"

He never entered me, just pushed slightly against my tight hole making my pussy gush, and I suddenly wondered what it would feel like if he did. I'd heard terrible things about anal and it scared the hell out of me; but with Edward working his magic on my untouched ass, I wanted it.

Tremors rocked through my body as I imagined him bending me over that piano and taking me roughly from behind, his cock sliding in and out of that unexplored region. The pressure of his fingertips on my asshole, his fingers working in and out of my slit and his tongue circling euphorically around my clit, coupled with the image of wet and naked Edward devouring my pussy and the fantasy of him taking me over his piano all crashed together, flinging me into the abyss of orgasmic pleasure that only Edward had ever been able to create for me.

With the water beginning to chill, we bathed each other quickly before stepping out of our steamy little heaven. I threw on a pair of yoga pants that Ali had bought for me and slipped on a lavendar tank top. Edward wandered out into the kitchen with a towel around his waist as I hurried out to his car to retrieve the bag of clothes he had forgotten to bring in with him.

I lugged the bag into the kitchen and plopped it on the counter. "What in the world did you pack, Edward?"

"Just a few things. I didn't want to have to walk around in the same dirty clothes."

I grabbed onto the towel and pulled him close so that he pinned me against the counter. "You don't have to wear the same dirty clothes." I peeled the towel off of him, letting it drop at his feet. "You could just walk around naked." I scraped my nails across his steel ass, pulling him against me. "That would be just fine by me."

He ran his fingers up my jaw and into my wet hair. "I'm not sure Alice would appreciate that." A smile played on his lips.

"How could she not? I mean, look at you. You're incredible. You're a living, breathing, walking, talking work of art."

His smile broadened. "Well I'm glad you think so, but why don't we ask Alice what she thinks." He glanced over my shoulder, past the kitchen counter into the living room.

"Eh, you're okay, I guess." My eyes bugged out as I heard the pixie's voice behind me. "What do you think, baby?"

"Dear God, man! Are you naked in my girlfriend's kitchen? That just isn't right, Edward." I spun around and stared at Jasper, slack jawed.

I turned back to Edward, absolutely shocked by his calm. "Would you _please _go put some pants on!" I asked, not as confident about the clothing optional idea I had proposed only seconds ago.

With the view of his lower half obscured behind the counter, he bent down to retrieve his towel, securing it once again around his hips. He smiled crookedly, rubbing his everlasting erection against my stomach as he leaned down to kiss me chastely. "As you wish." He grabbed his bag and strolled casually to my bedroom.

Jasper dropped his head, shaking it back and forth incredulously. "I'll never be able to eat here again." He muttered to himself.

"Oh, like you and Alice haven't christened every surface of this apartment!" I defended.

"Of course we have, but why would that make me not want to eat here? That just doesn't make any sense, Bella." He joked.

"So I guess that means that you don't want any eggs and bacon then, am I right?" I teased back.

His eyes widened and he made an act of placating me. "Well, if you insist…I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything."

They sat on the bar stools at the counter, watching as I prepared breakfast. Edward stepped back into the kitchen a moment later, tight jeans slung low on his hips with a forest green tee shirt that hugged his chest and biceps magnificently and made his eyes glow.

He stood behind me, circling his arms around my waist as I scrambled the eggs.

"Jasper, for what it's worth, I really am sorry for making a mess of things." I stared into the golden contents of the pan as I spoke. "I didn't plan it and I never meant to cause so much trouble."

"I know-" he started to interrupt, but I brought up my hand in a silent plea for him to let me go on. I stirred the eggs quickly and turned down the heat so that I could afford to look up into my friend's face.

"I know that Alice explained everything to you for me, and I appreciate that. But this is my problem and I still need to address it." I put my hand over Edward's on my stomach. "I don't regret what I did – only the way in which I did it. I knew I loved all of you; therefore, it seemed only logical that I would choose you all. I had no clue how strong the pull would be for me to be there for him. I hadn't realized how deeply I had let him and his friends into my life. Therefore, it never occurred to me to ask you all to rearrange things. I made my choice and saw no reason I wouldn't be able to stand by that decision."

Edward pulled one hand away to pick up a spoon and stir the forgotten eggs for me.

Jasper sighed. "But why didn't you just tell us about Bree and what was going? We all knew the way you felt about him, even if you didn't."

Edward put down the spoon and leaned his head into my neck to give me a gentle, reassuring kiss.

"You didn't hear the things that Rosalie told me. I know she loves me and I know she was only acting out of concern for my well being, but she made me feel weak. She made me feel like an emotional cripple. Every time she talked to me about Edward, she told me what a mistake I was making. She pointed out all of the flaws we had to face together, all of the potential heartache. Every conversation ended with her promise to pick up the broken pieces when he hurt me. If your friends told you time and again that you were damaged and that being with Alice was a mistake, who would _you_ block out of your life? Your friends or Alice?"

He put his arm around Ali's narrow waist, pulling her stool closer to his protectively, answering my question with actions alone. I focused my attentions back on the eggs, which were nearly done.

"I know it wasn't all of you. I know it was just Rose. But you're a package deal. I didn't want to run away like I did from my Quileute friends. I learned my lesson last time. I thought I could keep all of you and Edward if I just kept my mouth shut. I wanted to prove…_to myself_…that I was strong enough to survive all of this without my friends having to carry me through it. I didn't expect all of the collateral damage."

I turned off the burners and pushed the skillet back on the stove to stop the eggs from over cooking. Edward backed away as I turned around to grab the plates.

He began putting bread in the toaster oven as I returned to the stove, picking up the conversation where I had left off.

"I know you're worried about the band falling apart, Jazz. I won't let it. I'll make it up to Rosie – I'll get her to see how sorry I am. I'll make it up to all of you. I know I've let you down, but trust me when I say that I won't rest until I fix this."

He reached his lanky arm across the counter to take my hand in his. "We'll fix it, Bella. All of us. We'll find a way to make it right. Because this time next year, I thoroughly intend to be a famous, well-paid rock star instead of a haggard med student, and no one is taking that away from me."

I patted his hand on mine, grateful to have him on board.

I began scooping eggs onto the plates as Edward pulled out the first two pieces of toast and popped in two more. "Might I ask…" Jasper started, looking over at Alice wearily.

"We don't want to upset either of you, but we were wondering if you had arranged the funeral yet." Ali finished for him.

I turned to Edward, the mask of numbness glazing over his features. "The funeral is planned for Tuesday morning. "

Jasper held his head high, a look of determination on his face. "We don't want to impose, but we'd like to be there. _For both of you_."

Edward's eyes widened slightly. "Y-y-you don't have to do that." He stuttered.

Ali jumped off of her stool and rounded the counter, prancing right up to Edward and patting his arm warmly. "Yes we do. That's what friends are for." She looked at me over her shoulder, a big smile on her face.

"That's right. To be strong for one another when we can't be strong for ourselves." I smiled back. I called my friend a pixie, a fairy, a pygmy, a Nazi hobbit and the evil spawn of Satan but the truth of the matter was that she was my guardian angel, and I loved her for it.

Seemingly happy that I had learned my lesson, she turned her onyx gaze back on the handsome man toasting bread in our kitchen. "You've been initiated now, remember cow poke? You can't get rid of us, so you might as well learn to deal with it."

He smiled down at her, but it didn't feel right to me. It looked empty, never really touching the blankness in his eyes. "Thank you, Alice." He nodded. "It means a lot to me that you would feel that way."

Jasper helped me carry the plates to the table as Edward helped Alice retrieve the glasses, milk and juice. The topic took on a lighter tone when Jasper congratulated me for slapping his sister and asked how it felt. "I've always wanted to do that, but mom says I can't hit girls." He joked.

Edward even made a little private joke about my toothpaste being his favorite brand. Yet, I couldn't get over the look in his eyes. Something was wrong. The jade never sparkled with humor when he laughed and smiled. It made me feel queasy.

After helping clean up the dishes, he drifted into my bedroom and came back out with a coat. "Where are you going?" My stomach lurched.

"I have to drive up to Port Angeles and take care of a few things for the funeral. Plus, I need to find out if Renee and Phil need help with anything else. They said they'd inform everyone about the arrangements, but I need to find out if they reached everyone or if there is anything else I need to take care of."

"Oh. Let me get my coat and I'll go with you." I spun on my heel to dodge for the bedroom.

"It's alright, Bella. I just need to run some errands and take care of some stuff. You should stay here and hang out with your friends. I'll be back soon." My stomach twisted uncomfortably. It all sounded normal enough, but something inside told me that this was bad.

_That I was losing him._

"Are you sure?" I pouted, trying to stop my lip from quivering.

"Yeah." He cocked a smile at me to make me feel better, but the emptiness of it only made the dread worse. He stepped forward, his fingers sliding behind my neck as he kissed me sweetly on the forehead. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

He slid into his jacket and walked out.

The sound of the door clicking quietly closed sounded like crashing in my ears.

**A/N:** My Smut Dealer is loving your comments, the Volturi are eating the lemons right up and the train engineer is proudly on board – what are you thinking? Click the happy little review button and let me know if you're liking my tart side!


	32. Thank You

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The sorrow, hurt and anger are all my fault._

Warning: _Inappropriate time for lemons, so you'll have to do without._

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,289 Words_

**CHAPTER 32: THANK YOU**

The emptiness I felt with Edward gone was unnerving. Without an evening performance to worry about, Jazz and Ali planned to have a relaxing movie day. The first one they chose was a romantic comedy, but my mind was too wrapped up in worrying about Edward to really enjoy it.

Half an hour in, I excused myself and slumped off into my bedroom. I pulled out my laptop and climbed into bed. After loading a site that did fruit flower arrangements, I ordered "A Little Happiness" bouquet. The prices were outrageous, but I wanted to do something more unique than just sending flowers. That arrangement consisted of chocolate dipped strawberries, pineapple stars and skewered grapes. It was one of their simpler arrangements, but anything else was simply out of my price range.

With the order under way, I started on the accompanying e-mail to Rosalie. I apologized for all of the terrible things I said to her and, most importantly, told her how gut-wrenching my guilt was for having slapped her. I tried to explain the wealth of emotion I now felt for Edward – to make her understand that I hadn't realized I really had no choice in the matter – I had to be by his side. I poured my heart out to her, trying to make her understand why I had withdrawn and come to make such a terrible mistake, hoping that in understanding where I was coming from, she might find it in her heart to forgive me.

In repeating the things I had just said to Jasper this morning, it hit me.

I had been so caught up in my confessions that I hadn't considered that it was the first time Edward had heard about Rosie's objections. He hadn't known that Rosie thought I was making a mistake. He heard me refer to all the "flaws we had to face together" and all of the "potential heartache". As I blindly opened my wounds for Jasper to see, Edward had gotten his first glimpse into the turmoil I had faced going into this with him. It was twice in two days time that he had heard a reference to someone's fear that he would hurt me; first from my father and then from my retelling of Rosie's concerns.

He just found out that he had inadvertently come between me and my friends.

In the end, I had chosen him. After everything was said and done, I had come to learn how much I loved and needed him. But Edward wouldn't have heard those things. He only would have focused on all the trouble and heartache choosing him had caused me. He only would have heard that there were more people watching and waiting for him to fail me in one way or another – that my family and friends doubted his ability to make me happy.

And in that, I had probably made him doubt himself.

There couldn't be another human on earth as talented as me when it came to sabotaging their lives. No matter where I walked or which way I turned, I managed to step in shit.

I managed to pull myself together well enough to finish my letter for Rosie and send it. She didn't check her e-mail often, but the card with the fruit flower delivery would lead her to my message, if she dared to follow it. If I didn't hear from her, I would try again.

I didn't want to bring up the things I had said this morning, but I still needed to reach out to Edward somehow. So, I picked up my phone and texted him "Missing you."

He didn't text back, which made me nervous. Even my butterflies were feeling nauseous.

"Love you." I texted an hour later. Still no reply.

I moped back into the living room, flopping down into the arm chair and curling in on myself. Jasper had wrapped his body around Ali cozily and it made my arms ache to hold Edward. I tried to get lost in the movie – to give him the time he needed to take care of his errands and work through things on his own. I would just wait anxiously for him to return so that I could right the wrongs I'd committed this morning. By the time Will Smith blew himself up to kill the last zombies, the urge to reach out to him again got the better of me, so I picked up my cell phone and texted "Going crazy without you. Come home soon."

_Come home._

The apartment belonged to Ali and me, but it no longer felt like home without him here.

There was still no reply.

Ali and Jazz invited me out to dinner with them, but I declined. The butterflies had butterflies now and there was simply no room for food. It was dark outside already. He should be back by now.

He was upset when he left. He hadn't returned my texts. He hadn't called me all day. And now, it was dark and I had no idea where he was.

The worst thoughts flashed through my mind. A highway trooper finding his abandoned car with no trace of Edward; his phone collecting messages on the empty driver seat.

His car wrapped around a tree on the side of the road, his cell phone ringing in a puddle of blood.

I blinked the thought away, but another took its place, of him floating lifeless, trapped in his car at the bottom of a lake.

The images grew more gruesome as my imagination embraced my fears in a horrid display before my eyes.

I grabbed my jacket and ran out to the truck. I jumped in and texted him again. "Edward, I'm worried about you. Please just tell me you're alright."

I couldn't breathe. A knot was lodged in my throat making it impossible to swallow.

I pulled the truck out of my parking space, racing off into the darkness.

_Blood. His mangled body. The blank, far off stare in his eyes._

My phone chirped. I slowed down to the speed limit as I glared at the bright screen. "Sorry. Been busy. Staying in Port Angeles tonight."

My relief was coupled with more fear. He was alive, but what had he been doing all day? Why couldn't he respond to me? Why didn't he want to come back?

The words twisted in my head.

_Mistake._

_Flaws._

_Heartache._

_Broken Pieces._

How terribly had I fucked this up?

I should stop the car. I should turn around and go home and give him his space. I should stop acting like an obsessed, maniacal girlfriend.

_How have you let yourself get in this deep in two fucking months?_

I need him.

_But why?_

I want him.

_Is that enough?_

I love him…

I waited, but I had no argument for that one. I remembered how insane Ali had gotten when she couldn't reach Jasper that day. The crazed look in her eyes. The way she sobbed with overwhelmingly relief when he opened the door.

I had thought she'd lost her mind. I remember thinking that she was behaving irrationally.

_I understand now. Love makes you a little crazy._

So it didn't matter what I _should_ do. I drove, not stopping until I pulled up in front of the familiar home of the Tanner family.

_Or, the Tanner couple, I should say. There's no family there anymore._

I put the car in park and knocked quietly on the door, not exactly sure what I was doing anymore. "Bella!" Renee answered, greeting me with a huge smile and quickly embracing me in a tight hug. I squeezed back as best as I could, but her expression grew somber when she saw my face. "What's the matter, honey?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if I could talk to Edward." I felt so little and insecure, afraid at how badly my truthfulness may have hurt him.

"I thought he was with you?"

My heart clenched. "He left this morning. He told me he had to run errands and work some things out with you and Phil?"

"Well, yeah. He spent most of the day here working on things and running errands, but he's not here now. I dozed off watching tv, so I just assumed he went back to you. Have you tried calling him?" She seemed more concerned for my peace of mind at the moment than she did about Edward.

"He texted me. He said he was spending the night in Port Angeles." My voice sounded weak and frightened.

"I don't know where he is, but I'm sure he's alright. Do you want to come in for a while? If he says he's staying in town, then he'll be back here soon." She put her arm around my shoulder, ushering me into the warmth of the house.

I allowed her to guide me into the kitchen where she gestured for me to sit at the small breakfast table where Edward and I had eaten. "Do you want to talk to me, Bella? Tell me what's going on?"

I huffed, unsure whether or not I should until it hit me that I _wanted_ to talk about it. Renee had always been on our team – if I couldn't get to Edward, maybe she could explain how upset I was and make him see how much he meant to me.

"I've had a fight with one of my friends. She doesn't _know_ Edward, but she knows me and she's been concerned about me being in a relationship with him because of the circumstances." Renee sat down at the table, pushing a steaming mug of hot tea over to me as she wrapped her hands around her own.

"Well, she and I got into a major fight yesterday in front of our other friends. I was talking to her brother about it this morning, trying to explain what happened, not realizing that Edward didn't already know. He just got kind of distant after that and ran off, telling me he needed to take care of some things. I'm worried that he's upset by what he heard. By the fact that my friend hasn't been supportive, or by the fact that I didn't tell him about it sooner."

I wrapped my hands around the mug, absorbing the warmth. "I said good things too, Renee. I said that I chose him, and that I love him and that my friend didn't understand how important he was to me. I said that I didn't regret leaving the performance to be with you all that night. But knowing Edward, he didn't hear those things. He only heard her concerns and he'll only think about the notion that he came between me and my friends. I'm worried he's out there, beating himself up over it, pulling away from me. I'm crazy about him, Renee. I'm head over heels in love with him." A single tear slipped down my cheek, but I angrily swatted it away. I was tired of crying.

She reached across the table and wrapped her fingers around mine. "When you and Edward learn to talk to each other, you're going to make one fantastic pair." She laughed like a mother might laugh at her innocent, naive child. "Until then, I'm confident that your love for each other will be enough to get you through the rough times. He loves you too, Bella. Absolutely adores you. There's no way on this earth that he can stay away from you for long."

Her reassurance and kind smile made me feel a little better. I sipped at my tea, letting the warmth calm my nerves. "I'm so sorry, Renee. I've been so caught up in my head lately…how are you and Phil doing?"

Her gaze appeared to blank out a little until I realized that she was focusing on the steam that rose from her cup. "The first night was hard. We slept in her room, surrounded by her things and her smell. It's funny how you take that for granted – a person's smell. I didn't even realize I could identify it. My daughter smelled like lilies and cotton candy." The corners of her mouth pulled up gently. "I embraced my daughter, rocked her to sleep, smoothed her hair and wiped away her tears for twenty one years and it wasn't until now that I realized she smelled like flowers and sugar. How is that even possible?"

I pressed my lips together in a sad smile.

"We cried that night. I've seen my husband cry on three occasions; as I walked down the aisle towards him on our wedding day, when the nurse put Bree into his arms for the very first time, and Friday night. I guess two out of three happy times isn't bad." Her eyes glistened, but there were no visible tears.

"I'm glad that Edward had you. We would have been there for him, of course, but it turned out to be hard enough for Phil and me to hold ourselves together. If Edward had been here, he would have been forced to stay in that bed, surrounded by her things, all by himself. That would have made the heartache worse for all of us.

"Phil and I talked about how so very, very grateful we were for you to come into our lives when you did. We joked before about Bree setting you and Edward up, but sometimes, I do wonder how much fate had a hand in everything. It wasn't just Edward who needed you then, and it's not only Edward who loves you now. You know that, right Bella?"

I swallowed back the tears, refusing to cry. But the lump was back in my throat, making speech impossible. Instead, I nodded my head, hoping the look in my eyes would be enough to let her know that I reciprocated her feelings.

"Yesterday was a little easier. Making the arrangements was a very logical thing. It was all a matter of facts and figures. We could put our emotions aside and allow rational thought to take over. Having Edward with us helped. I can't remember the last time Phil and I were able to spend time with Eddie outside of the hospital." I had never heard anyone refer to him as anything but Edward. The nickname warmed my heart.

"For just a few moments, we forgot everything and were able to laugh over lunch. Then the guilt set in. We don't want to be miserable all the time, but there's something inside that gnaws on you. It's this little voice that says _'How can you laugh at a time like this?'_ You know it's not rational. Life must go on – you must learn to live and laugh and love again. But the guilt in doing so is gut wrenching." Unbidden tears began streaking down her face.

"Today's been a hollow day. We're simply drained. There hasn't been laughter or tears," she wiped at her face, chuckling darkly, "until now, that is. We've just sat around and watched tv in silence. Phil worked some crossword puzzles. I tinkered on the piano for a while. It was nice when Eddie came in and played with me. He hasn't done that since he was a teenager - that brought back some warm memories."

"Don't feel bad for coming to me with your problems. Although my child is gone," her voice cracked and her eyes widened.

"Oh God, _my child is gone…"_ She appeared absolutely panic stricken.

"Bree's dead, Bella. My little girl is _dead_!" I raced around the table and knelt by her side, wrapping my arms around her and willing the heartache to go away.

"_My sweet baby girl!" _Her sudden hysterics caught me by surprise, and the moisture welled in my eyes and overflowed as I rocked her gently, attempting to soothe away the pain.

"_I'll never see her again…I'll never hold her…Dear God, why? Why my Bree?"_ She clutched at my shoulders, burying her head in my hair as she sobbed.

I didn't know what to say or do, so I just focused on holding her and letting her cry.

"_It should have been me. I shouldn't have had to watch my daughter die."_

She pulled away from me abruptly, slamming her hand down onto the table, rattling our mugs and making me jump. _"I shouldn't have signed those damn papers! She could have come back to us! She could have come back! Now, I'll never know. We gave up on her too soon. She was a fighter. She was a survivor. She could have come back!"_

I remembered Edward's reluctance to be the sole signer. He was worried that, in their grief, they might blame him. I could see now, in her sudden, blind rage how that could have been the case.

My voice came out in a whisper as it squeezed past the grapefruit sized lump in my throat. "She wasn't coming back, Renee." She shook her head violently, pacing back and forth across the kitchen. "You did the right thing."

"_No, no, no…"_ she chanted, fighting against my words.

"You didn't let your daughter suffer for your own selfish gain. You made the biggest sacrifice a mother could make for her daughter. _You let her go."_

"…no, no, no…" She continued. I stood up and grabbed her by the arms, making her look me in the eye, trying to break through to her the best I could.

"_Let her go, Renee." _She silenced and stilled, her hands fisted tightly by her sides, big blue eyes looking deeply into mine. _"You have to let her go. Let her rest. It's what you wanted for her. An end to her suffering. A chance to find peace. She won't be able to do that unless you let her." _The tension in her arms dissipated as she unclenched her fists. "_You did your best by her. Don't stop now. Give her wings and let her fly."_

She threw her arms around me, pulling me into another tight embrace. She was crying once again, but it was softer now. The anger and tension and overwhelming sorrow had vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "I'm so sorry, Bella. You didn't deserve that. You just remind me so much of her."

She took a step back, snatching a paper towel off of the counter to dry her damp cheeks.

"No need to apologize, Renee. I'm here any time you need me. After all, Edward's not the only one I love around here." She smiled up at me, grateful to hear me return the sentiment that she had shared with me earlier.

"I'm glad you feel that way." She blew her nose daintily before wandering away to throw the paper towel out and returning to me. "What I was trying to say before was that, I'd like to be here for you as much as you would let me. Please, don't ever hesitate to come over to talk. I know that you're mother is alive and well in Florida, but seeing as you're without a mother here and I'm…maybe we could be each other's surrogates? Not replacements – most definitely not….but it would be nice to have someone nearby, wouldn't it? Having you around makes the void hurt just a little less. I guess I still have some mothering left in me."

"Of course, Renee. I would never dream of trying to take Bree's place…that's an absolute impossibility…but having a surrogate mother around would be awfully nice. Especially one who already loves my boyfriend as much as I do."

She managed a smile. "That I do. Thank you, honey."

"No, thank you."

**A/N:**_ Don't like the tears and sorrow? Well then, you should have written more reviews._

_Want happiness and rainbows, sunshine and naked Edward? Click the button and let me know…_


	33. That We Do

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The fancy-schmancy words come from Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet". I'm blushing to have to admit that the rest of this mess came from my own little mind. Surprising, huh?_

Warning: _Thought I'd throw in a lime to mix things up…_

Approx: _9 Pages/__ 4,445 Words_

**CHAPTER 33: THAT WE DO**

I sipped tea and chatted with Renee for another hour before my nerves got the best of me.

_Where was he? Why wasn't he back yet?_

The gory visions returned and I knew they wouldn't go away unless I found something to occupy myself, so I thanked Renee for the talk and the tea and asked her to call me if Edward came back.

I didn't know what I intended to do, really. I just figured I would drive around until I found him. I figured I'd start with our usual hangouts – the lake…then I realized that we didn't have any other hangouts. He only went to New Moon when I was there and he no longer had a reason to be at the hospital.

_Well that doesn't give me much of a lead, does it? _

_Port Angeles isn't really that big, right? How hard could it be to find him?_

Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about that for long. As I rounded the bend, I gratefully found the shiny silver Volvo parked in our usual spot with a familiar silhouette sitting at the water's edge.

I pulled up behind the Volvo and parked, wishing that my truck wasn't so determined to announce it's presence as obviously as it did.

I slipped out of the truck and made my way through the lush grass. The butterflies had multiplied and were developing a trapeze act within my abdomen.

_Had I hurt his feelings? Was he avoiding me? Would he be mad that I came here instead of leaving him alone?_ I hated not knowing where I stood with him.

"Hi." My voice sounded so small and scared.

"Hi." He responded sweetly. "What are you doing here?"

I swallowed, unsure of how to read his question. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He responded with a slight pout.

"Would it be okay if I sat down?" I squeaked.

_He was my boyfriend! We loved each other! Why in hell did this feel so awkward?_

"Of course." His legs were drawn up, his arms crossed casually on his knees. I sat beside him on the blanket, mimicking his position. I was close, but far enough away that we weren't touching.

"How did you know where to find me?" He asked, staring out at the black water.

In turn, I spoke while staring out at the serene, reflective surface. "I didn't. I went to the Tanner's house first…I figured I'd try the lake next because it's the only other place I've ever seen you go, but if you weren't here I had planned to scour every inch of Port Angeles till I found you." _Did I just admit that out loud?_ "Wow, I have some serious stalker tendencies." I mumbled to myself. He chuckled at the absurdity of my comments.

"Well, the last two times we came here, we left better off than we came. I'm starting to believe that the lake has some kind of magical healing properties or something, so I thought I'd give it another try."

We sat there in absolute silence for what felt like an eternity. I opened my mouth several times to say something, but could never really think of the right thing to say.

"Bella, what's on your mind? I can't tell what you're thinking and it's driving me crazy." He sounded worn out.

"I've been worried sick about you all day. You were so distant this morning. I know you were trying to hide it, but I could see it in your eyes the moment you started to pull away. You shut down. It was like you were functioning on auto pilot or something. Then you rushed out, and you didn't call me and you wouldn't answer my texts and you didn't come home. I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to upset you."

He shook his head as if he was trying to make sense of it all. "What are you apologizing for?"

"I shouldn't have told you about the things Rosalie said. Or, maybe I should have told you sooner. I don't know…"

He took my hands in his. "Is that what this is about? You think I'm mad or hurt with you?"

I bit my lip, suddenly very unsure. "Well, aren't you?"

"I'll admit that I've given a lot of thought to what Rosalie said, but I'm not mad or hurt. I can't be mad or hurt with her because it's obvious that she cares deeply for you and has only your best interest in mind. And given that she doesn't know me, she made some very valid arguments for why you should have stayed away from me. She was right. I'm afraid that being with me has caused nothing but trouble for you."

My jaw dropped, more traitor tears threatening. "How can you say that?"

"Bella. You knew nothing about me, and yet you were willing to risk dealing with insurance fraud, the death of my best friend and all of the other baggage that comes with me. I'm glad you took that risk because it's meant so much to me. You've made me smile and laugh when I thought that was impossible. You've comforted me. You've brought music and song and hope and happiness all back into my life during the darkest of times. But in return, I've broken your heart once by not being up front with you about the marriage. I've made you miss work, lose sleep, convinced you to run out on your best friends and pass up a once in a lifetime opportunity to be picked up by a record label. I want you, baby. _My God, how I want you_. But being with you is perhaps the most selfish thing I've ever done, because I've done nothing but spoil things for you."

"You are clueless, you know that Edward? You're an absolute idiot." I think I caught him off guard. I might lose him, but he needed to know the truth. _All of it._ Knowing the truth might be the one thing that would send him running and screaming away from me, but at least he would do so knowing that the failure was me and not him.

"Do you want to know what I was doing before you came into my life. I was a slut. I spent three months have random one night stands with strangers in search of sexual gratification. _You_ made me realize that there was more. Falling for you stopped me from traveling further down that road of destruction. _You _fixed the damage that it took James three years to inflict. _You_ made me feel beautiful and sexy and talented and smart and funny and _worthy._ _You made me worthy_! Do you get that? Can you grasp where I was when you wandered back into that dressing room with me? I thought I was garbage. I had given up caring and trying and you turned my life around! I've learned so much from the Tanners; things I never would have learned if you weren't in my life. You are my muse! You inspire me and you opened your heart and soul to my band and gave us the best song in our entire repertoire! You are my _everything_, Edward. I don't care what Rosalie or anyone else says."

"Your friends are important, Bella. You've chosen between a man and your friends once before. Do you have any idea how much I hate to be the one to put you in that position? You should have told me. I was so wrapped up in my own worries that I never considered the repercussions you were facing to be with me."

"I should have told you. You're right. I'm hearing that a lot these days. But what would you have done? Would you have withdrawn and run away? Tell me - how would I have gotten you back before we had everything we have now? How would you have dealt with that on top of everything else?"

He bowed his head. "I know. You're right"

I wasn't going to get any more of an answer, so I continued. "And as for my friends, have you not learned anything yet? They are stubborn mother fuckers. _Especially_ Rosalie. She's strong willed and opinionated and has a complex that she is always right. Many times, she is. But not this time. When it comes down to it, my problem with Rosalie has nothing to do with you and everything to do with communication. She doesn't listen very well and I tend to hold things in if I'm afraid what I want to say might burden someone. Therefore, she burdened me her thoughts and I stayed silent. Can you see how that's not a healthy situation? If I had stood up to her and told her how I was feeling, this would have all blown over by now.

"But see, Rose is as logical as she is emotional. It's only in facts and figures that she worries about us being together, but when it came to meeting you and getting to know more about you, she liked you. She loved the way you put Em in his place and she respected your talent and easy going nature. Once she cools down, she'll put all the pieces back together and we'll be fine. So there is no way in hell I'm going to lose my friends over this. We're just way too hardheaded to give up on each other, so you needn't worry about that. Okay?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I want to be good for you."

I couldn't take the distance any longer. I needed to touch him. I needed the reassurance of feeling his body against mine. I scooted over, hugging his arm and resting my chin onto his shoulder. "You _are_ good for me. If anything, I'm getting the better end of the deal here. But don't expect me to complain about that any time soon."

"Well, I would argue but I don't think it's in my best interest to convince you otherwise." He smiled, pressing his lips sweetly against mine. Without warning, the skies opened up, raindrops pouring down from heaven as if God was attempting to wash away the muck. Edward launched himself, reaching down to help me up as I squealed and grabbed the blanket. The gazebo was closer than my truck so we raced towards it, laughing like little kids as the water quickly soaked through our clothes.

Just as we stepped up to the platform, thunder shook through the gazebo, causing me to shriek and leap into Edward's arms. "You're such a girl." He teased, a sincere smile warming his face for the first time all night.

A brilliant flash of lightning briefly illuminated the small structure. "I don't think we're going anywhere any time soon." I mused from the comfort of his embrace. "We might as well get comfortable." The breeze picked up, blowing against my wet clothing and making me shiver.

He climbed onto the top of the picnic table with his feet on the bench, holding out his hand for me as I climbed up to join him. I snuggled under his arm to keep warm.

"If you weren't really upset, then why did you avoid me all day?"

Strands of hair fell against his forehead under the weight of the rain. His brow furrowed as he concentrated on his answer. "I went back to the house first to check on Renee and Phil. I hung around for a while because I had some paperwork I had to fill out…" He almost sounded as if he was going to continue with that line, but thought better of it. "I headed out to run some errands – there were some people I had to see and some things I had to drop off – but I didn't realize I forgot my phone at the house. When I came back to grab a bite to eat, I heard my phone beep with your last message, and I wrote back as soon as I got it. I wanted to come out here and try to sort everything out in my head, but I didn't want you waiting up for me, so I thought it'd be better to just stay up here for the night."

I thought about what he said. "I'm sorry if you just wanted to be alone; I understand. I just panicked when I didn't hear from you…I was so worried that I'd said something wrong…"

He brushed a curl back from my forehead with his nose and placed a tender kiss on my temple. "Don't be silly, Bella. Being alone is never preferable over being with you."

I pulled away from him enough that we could look into each other's eyes. "We have to learn to talk to each other, Edward. No more omissions from either of us. If it's important to one of us, we have to realize that it will be important to the other too. Okay?"

"Okay." He agreed. "And no more assuming the worst. We've said we love each other – we both have to stop waiting for the other one to run away. We're in this together, right?"

He had a point – that was something we were both guilty of. "Right. And no more closing off."

"If I need some time to think things over, I'll tell you exactly that." He promised.

"And I won't go on a rampage through the city looking for you like some stalkerish Godzilla." I assured him in return.

He pursed his lips as he mused. "Actually, you'd be more like King Kong – because he just wanted to be with and protect the one he loved. Godzilla was all about death and destruction."

"So you're saying I'm a love-crazed, smelly ape?" I teased, my eyebrow cocked, daring him to take the bait.

He cupped my face and made his voice sound like that lovey-dovey thing couples do when they are using pet names. "No, I'm saying you're _my_ love-crazed, smelly ape!" He finished off with a playful kiss on my nose.

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head into his chest. "Well, I guess I do really love your banana…" His chest reverberated with his laughter.

"I love you, Edward. It was a really, really long day without you."

"I love you too, Bella."

A sudden gust of wind blew through the gazebo, making me shiver as it blew my wet hair into my face. "Cold?" He asked as he softly traced his fingers from my forehead and over my temple, pushing the soaked tendrils back behind my ear. I shivered again from his gentle touch.

"A little."

The world glowed for a second with another blinding flash of light, followed my another earth rumbling clap of thunder.

He nudged my shoulders for me to sit back a little as he began unbuttoning his shirt. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him slowly reveal his flawless chest. Once his shirt was completely unbuttoned, he held it open, gesturing for me to hug him once again.

I placed my hands on his sides, grazing over skin and muscle as my hands traveled around to his back, pulling my body close to his.

He hissed a little when my cold, wet clothes met with his warm, naked skin. "I'm sorry!" I started to pull back, but he held me tightly in place, pulling the blanket around us.

"It's okay. Don't pull away. We'll warm up soon."

The air sizzled and popped with the tantalizing current of our energy, coupled with nature's omnipotent light show. Edward mixed with the smell of the lightning and rain, creating an intoxicating scent. I nuzzled against his throat, breathing him in avariciously, allowing my bottom lip to trail up the side of his neck.

His fevered palm ghosted beneath the clinging fabric of my shirt. His heat permeated my skin, sinking straight into the core of my body.

He was so beautiful. So breathtakingly incredible. Here we were in this perfect place, blanketed with rain. It was so very raw and primal and elemental. It felt like everything I needed was here: air, water and Edward.

"Edward?" I whispered into his ear.

"Yes baby?"

I pulled back enough to see his face. I hated peeling myself away from his heat, even minutely, but I needed to look into those soulful eyes – my Mr. Green Eyes – when I said this. "Make love to me."

The depth of emotion I saw there was worth it. I could read it all – see right down into that amazing soul of his. _I was his everything too._

Everything moved in slow motion. He looked like he was seeing me for the very first time. His fingers wandered over my face like a blind man attempting to commit ever tiny feature to memory. I traced over his features as well, attempting to soak every inch of him in through my fingertips. I ached, but not in any way I had ever ached before. I loved him so very, very much that it physically pained me. It felt as if my love alone should honestly transform me into the transient being he had once claimed me to be – surely, only a deity could feel an emotion this strong and live to tell the tale.

My pain came with only one remedy. _Edward._ His touch, his taste, his smell – I couldn't get enough. Kissing him, touching him, holding him…it only helped to temporarily abate the pain of loving him so very much. It was a terminal condition; I knew in that moment that I would die loving Edward Cullen.

In realizing that, I set the butterflies free and watched them fly away from me, evaporating into the heavy drops that fell all around us. There was no longer room for knots and coiled rope and pesky critters – I now filled every possible space within my small body with love and hope and dreams. Edward's light filled all the dark shadows. He had succeeded in warming me from the inside out.

He mended the cracks and fractures of heartaches past until they were no more. I could feel his hands washing over them, healing every scar.

He helped me off the picnic bench momentarily, laying the large blanket over the table top before lifting me up to set me down on top of it. Another flash of lightning illuminated the tender look on his face as he caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. He removed his shirt and laid it on the picnic bench as I peeled my wet shirt off. We kicked off our shoes and socks before I reached around to unclasp my bra, slowly easing it off of my shoulders and bearing myself for him. He folded his shirt and my shirt together, placing them at one end of the table before leaning me back to rest my head upon them gently. In the darkness, I could hear rather than see him stepping out of his jeans and boxers.

He splayed his broad hand over my heart, leaning over to kiss me softly and sweetly. His hand skimmed between my breasts and over my stomach until I could feel him unfasten my jeans. He slowly slid them over my hips and down my thighs, placing a chaste kiss upon my legs with every new inch that he exposed.

We were now fully undressed, the moonlight our other lover as it caressed our bodies and licked at our curves and angles. We were nude for all the world to see, hiding only behind the thick veil of rain God provided us, yet we weren't shy or scared or nervous or excited. We were simply confident and peaceful and entirely in the moment.

_No one matters but us. _

_Nothing matters but this._

I parted my legs slightly to make room for him upon the small table. He climbed onto the table, between my legs, and lowered his head to my stomach, parting his lips as he kissed just above my center. "You are glorious, Bella." Another kiss as he allowed his tongue to dip into my navel slightly. "You are absolutely exquisite." A third kiss in the middle of my chest as his hand ghosted up my side, shadowing the curve of my breast. "You are the kind of woman who can make blind men see and deaf men sing."

My fingertips tickled up the sharp line of his jaw and into his thick hair that I loved so very much. His body lay flush against me without weight as his lips hovered just above mine. "You are my everything, Bella. I didn't know it was possible to love anyone as much as I love you."

I leaned forward to softly press my lips against his. "I love you more than I know how. Show me." Another sweet kiss. "Teach me." Yet another. "I want you to fill me, Edward. I need to feel you everywhere."

He leaned down, placing just a little more of his weight on top of me as he kissed me passionately. It wasn't animalistic or fierce as many of our other kisses had been. It went beyond lust and need. It reached way down inside and touched something spiritual.

_I can taste his soul. It tastes like heaven._

I parted my legs a little more, bending my knees toward him in offering. "Take me Edward. Please. I need you."

His hand cupped my cheek once again as he looked into my eyes. "I love you."

"And I love you."

The thunder roared as Edward pushed into me slowly, filling me, awakening every inch of my body to his homecoming. And that's exactly what it felt like.

_Edward had come home._

As he eased completely inside of my welcoming body, the final piece snapped into place and the picture of my happily ever after was complete.

"Edward, you feel so incredible." I breathed. His hand massaged my breast slowly.

As he withdrew, I could feel my body tensing, wanting to hold on to him and pull him back in. He rewarded me with slow, easy fulfillment.

Each time he thrust into my body, my nerves rejoiced, only to crackle uneasily with his every retreat.

Lightning lit up his sculpted form as he slid back into me. "Edward, you are so amazing. I love you so much. I can't believe you're mine."

"All yours, Bella. Everything I am is yours." The picnic bench was not wide enough for us to roll over, so he pushed inside of me and lifted me smoothly, quickly laying down for me to resume the pace.

My hands wandered over his abs, up the broad, strong planes of his chest where I firmly flattened my palms over his pecks. I swiveled my hips as I pulled him into me once again, introducing him to every forbidden place within me. "You feel so good, baby. Don't ever stop. I want to spend forever with you just like this."

I rolled my hips in agreement.

The rain pounded as our rhythm increased. As we made love, he chanted about my beauty and my perfection like a mantra to a higher power. Every time the fierce flashes of lightning would give me a brief glimpse at his magnificent face, I saw love and complete adoration.

"You make me beautiful, Edward. Loving you makes me beautiful."

He sat up, pulling me tightly to his chest, kissing me as our bodies began a heated race, pushing and pulling, warring to get closer to each other than humanly possible.

Our bodies became one. We shared one breath. We joined into one rapid heart beat. And with another flash of lighting and another deafening roar from the heavens, we came apart in each other's arms amidst whispered "I love you's".

I sank onto Edward's chest, one frantic heart beating against another in a tangled heap of damp, heated arms and legs. He brushed my hair away from my face, holding me to his chest and peppering my face with sweet kisses.

As the storm raged on, he grabbed the other end of the blanket and wrapped it around us, cocooning us from the rest of the world. We found peace and sleep in each other's arms.

I woke up to find Edward attempting to squeeze out from underneath me, the sky beyond our love nest lightening to an indigo.

I clung to him, willing him to stay with me. "Wilt thou be gone? It is not yet near day: It was the nightingale, and not the lark, that pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear; nightly she sings on yon pomegranate-tree: believe me, love, it was the nightingale."

He enveloped me in his arms and smiled against my ear. "It was the lark, the herald of the morn, no nightingale. Look, love, what envious streaks do lace the severing clouds in yonder east. Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops. We must get dressed and leave, or stay and get arrested for public indecency."

He had a point, but hearing Edward paraphrase Shakespeare wasn't doing a damn thing to strengthen my resolve to get up.

Now that I knew he was capable of quoting Shakespeare, we were _so_ going to be playing around with that in the bedroom.

_Sigh!_

He slipped into his jeans quickly before holding the blanket up around me so that I would have some privacy to get dressed. I had to admit, with daylight quickly approaching and the storm passed, I wasn't quite as comfortable with the whole "public nudity" thing.

_It sure made for one hell of a night, though!_

I wandered a few feet out from the gazebo, marveling at the brilliants reds, pink and oranges that hailed the impending break of dawn. "Edward, come here!" He jotted over to me and I ducked under his arm, circling my arms around his waist and squeezing him tightly. "Look." He followed my gaze across the lake where we watched in awe as the sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon. "It's Bree." I looked up into his divine face. "She's come to say hello."

He stared out at the horizon, a gentle but sad grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Good morning Bree."

I hugged him, placing my head against his shoulder as I spoke to my heaven bound friend. "G'mornin' Bree. We miss you."

He laid his arm across my shoulders and kissed my hair. "That we do."

**A/N:**_ Happy? Keep the wonderful reviews coming and I'll try to throw some more lemons your way soon…_


	34. My Silent, Spunky Little Friend

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The sorrow and angst is mine._

Warning: _No lemons, just tissues…_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,467 Words_

**CHAPTER 34: MY SILENT, SPUNKY LITTLE FRIEND**

We arrived at the Tanner house around four to share an early dinner with Renee and Phil. Conversation was light with the steady undercurrent of all the things that everyone was trying not to say.

All four of us made it to the Harper-Ridgeview Funeral Home around six to make sure that everything was in place. The funeral director - a portly, greasy-haired man named Randy – took Edward into his office to finalize some papers while I escorted Renee and Phil into the room.

Bree's casket was a pastel, icy blue with silver railings along the side. An intricate, silver filigree pattern wound its way up the edges, bursting into a floral arrangement onto the corners of the lid. With Phil to her left and me on her right, Renee gripped our hands as we slowly made our way down the aisle to where her only child lay lost in eternal slumber.

I attempted to steady my breathing, preparing for any plethora of emotions Renee might experience. Surprisingly, at the end of the aisle, only ten feet away from the casket, Renee released our hands, leaving us behind as she approached her daughter alone.

She walked right up to the casket and ran her delicate hand over Bree's hair, the same way I had seen her do countless times in the hospital. "Hello my beautiful girl." She crooned as she touched her lips lightly to her daughter's cold forehead. "I miss you so very, very much." Her fingertips lightly caressed Bree's face as she worked up the courage to say goodbye.

After a moment, Phil stepped up beside his wife, laying his hand over his daughter's tiny, still fingers and putting a reassuring arm around his wife's narrow shoulders.

Unsure what I should do, I sat down on the nearest bench. I had only been to one funeral in my entire life. I was five when Charlie's father passed away. Having spent most of my childhood in Florida with my mom, I didn't know my grandfather very well, and the concept of never seeing him again really didn't register with my adolescent mind. I had been too short to see into the coffin and my father had been too preoccupied with arrangements to ensure that I understood what was going on. Back then, my only responsibility had been to stay out of the way and behave.

It occurred to me that my responsibilities here were the same. In this public place, I was only a family friend, come to help Bree's grieving husband in a platonic way.

_Just stay out of the way and behave._

Somehow, I felt that there should be more required of me. I had been one of the four people to stand vigil over Bree's deathbed. My voice had been one of the last things she heard before departing this world. I had been in her home – in her bed. Sitting quietly in a corner just didn't feel right. I owed them more than that.

I inhaled sharply when Edward placed a hand on my shoulder, shocking me out of my reverie. He nodded toward the casket, extending the same hand to help me out of the seat.

We joined the couple at Bree's side. Edward patted Phil's back, letting his hand rest upon his shoulder in a sign of solidarity.

Seeing her up close was quite a shock. I attempted to compose my face so that they wouldn't see my disappointment. One look at their expressions told me that they thought she was absolutely beautiful – the same girl they knew and loved.

I couldn't understand it.

Her features had been molded into a vivid pink grimace unlike I had ever seen on her delicate face. Worst of all, she was white. Not in the fair skinned way that had glowed in the hospital – she was now an ashen color. Accept for her painted mouth, the unnatural blush that had been applied too heavily to her cheeks and the way they appeared to have darkened her eyebrows, she was absolutely void of color.

To an outsider, she would still be considered pretty, but it was unsettling for me. Their attempts at preserving her only served to tarnish the natural beauty she had maintained, even while dying slowly under harsh hospital lights.

_Is this the way everyone looks at their funeral? Like a terrible, wax version of their former self?_

With no one else in the room to see, I kissed Edward on the cheek and returned to my seat, letting him share the personal moment with her parents.

Guests started to arrive around a quarter to seven. Edward waited by the front door to greet people as they came and usher them to sign the guest book. The crowd was mixed between outsiders who believed Edward to be Bree's widow and insiders who had no idea the faux nuptials even existed. To prevent any unnecessary questions about my presence, I took my post by the guest book ensuring that each guest gave us an updated mailing address for thank you cards later. Most people were pleasant, if not indifferent towards me. I think some just assumed that I worked for the funeral home.

We welcomed people for forty five minutes before Edward wandered over to me, placing his hand on the small of my back.

"I've missed you." He whispered so that only I could hear.

I smiled tentatively at him. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

He sighed, looking in the doorway down the long aisle where Renee and Phil were waiting for us. "We should take our seats."

I allowed him to guide me into the room, missing his touch when he dropped his hand just inside the threshold. He nodded me towards the very front row beside the grieving parents. "I shouldn't sit in the front row, Edward. That's for family. It wouldn't look right."

He looked honestly surprised. He bent in to speak in hushed tones beside my ear. "I don't care what it looks like. Of all the relatives that are surrounding us right now, you are the one who has helped us care for her for the past two weeks. You are the one who sacrificed everything to be by her side as she took her last breath. You_ are _family_._" He placed his hand on the small of my back once again, only momentarily, to nudge me to join the others in the front row.

Per his guidance, I sat beside Grandma Tanner, Edward sitting to my left with Renee on his other side. I was surprised when Grandma Tanner offered me a sad smile before taking my hand in both of hers. I returned the small smile, chanting a thousand "I'm sorry's" with my eyes. Phil and his father sat on opposite ends of the bench mirroring each other, each of them with a comforting arm around their wives' shoulders. Renee looped her arm beneath Edward's, clasping his hand tightly.

As a video montage began to play against the back wall, Edward took my left hand in his. It was a small gesture, but the risks involved were intrinsic. The look in his eyes said it all: _I need you and I don't care who sees._

The video montage was set to our version of Edward's song "Twilight." I hadn't expected that and immediately choked up. The video featured many of the pictures Bree had chosen for her album – pictures from a happier, simpler time. There were some others I hadn't seen before, though. Most noticeably, a picture of Bree posing with five very familiar faces: all five band members of Eclipse. We all swarmed around her, my arm flung across her shoulders as if we were the best of friends. Her answering smile was absolutely radiant as she held up our cd proudly.

_She had taken a picture with us at the Battle of the Bands. How could I possibly have missed the extraordinary, bronze-haired, green-eyed man behind the camera?_

Just like that, they fit me neatly into Bree's life, as if I had been there all along. I gasped and looked to Edward, unable to contain the two tears that brimmed over and streaked down my cheeks. He looked at me with all of the love in the world, lifting our joined hands to wipe the two tears away wordlessly.

The six of us held our positions – all linked to one another - throughout the duration of Father Banner's eulogy. Occasionally, Grandma Tanner would pull one hand away to dry an errant tear, but she always returned her hand to mine. As the priest sprinkled holy water over Bree's lifeless body, Renee visibly stiffened, holding her chin up as if attempting to defy the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her. My heart clenched when Phil buried his head into his wife's hair, unable to watch any longer. Edward remained stoic until the very end, when he stared up towards the ceiling as if he could hear Bree whispering down to him from heaven. When he brought his gaze forward once again, I was surprised by the expression of absolute peace on his face.

He was letting her go, and my heart rejoiced at Edward and Bree's newfound freedom.

Edward surprised me further when he continued to hold my hand as he led me back to the front door to say goodbye and thank everyone for coming. Now that I stood by Edward hand-in-hand, they had seen me sitting with the family and had photographic proof that I was a part of Bree's life, everyone hugged me as they left and shared their sympathy for me. A couple of the people who had been more aloof earlier in the night approached me to apologize for "not realizing" who I was – although I still think they had no clue. Not one person asked for an introduction or an explanation, perhaps feeling too embarrassed for not already knowing.

Renee and Phil invited us to spend the night with them so that we could avoid the long drive back to my place, but neither of us felt comfortable sleeping in Bree's bed. As we wound our way along the twists and turns of the 101, I thought back to that happy, smiling picture – the only picture I would ever have with Bree Tanner.

I shifted sideways in my seat so that I could look into his face. "Were you the one that took the picture of Bree with the band?"

The corner of his beautiful mouth pulled up into a lopsided smirk. "No, actually, I had gone out to get the car. It was raining and I didn't want her to get wet. She handed her camera to some guy that was there and asked if he would mind taking the picture." He cocked his head to the side, flowing with the memory. "We actually got into a fight afterwards."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to meet the lead singer and she convinced me we'd never have a chance to get to you. I leave for five minutes and, bam, she ends up with a picture and I end up with wet clothes."

I reached across the console, resting my hand on top of his. So many things could have changed if I had just met him that night. "Thank you for including it. It made me feel…well, it reminded me that I really did belong in her life, even if I didn't know it back then." He spread his fingers, welcoming me to interlace mine with his.

The apartment was dark when we got inside, Ali seemingly sound asleep in her bed, so we tip-toed into my bedroom, fatigued from yet another emotionally draining twenty-four hours. "Want to shower in the morning?"

"Sounds wonderful."

We slipped out of our clothes, creating identical piles on both sides of the bed before crawling under the covers and meeting half way. With our bodies wrapped comfortably around each other, we gave into peaceful oblivion together.

I woke to find Edward staring out the window, the very first rays of sun caressing his skin. His green eyes shimmered in the sunlight and he was absolutely breathtaking. My heart swelled with pride and ownership. "What are you doing?" I mused lazily.

He turned to look at me over his shoulder, flashing that drop dead gorgeous smile of his before stalking back over to the bed. "Good morning, love. Just saying hi to Bree." He climbed on top of the covers, crawling over to peck me sweetly on the lips. "I'd love nothing more than to sleep in with you, but we need to get showered and get dressed if we're going to make it to the church on time."

We arrived at half past nine for the ten o'clock service. I took my place in the front row with Renee and Grandma Tanner without question this time around, quickly greeted by both of the women. Edward was out front with Phil and Grandpa Tanner, so they took care of greeting guests. Poor Renee had spent the entire night throwing up from the stress of it all. The ordeal left her exhausted, weak and more emotionally brittle than the previous night. Therefore, we stayed seated this time and let people make their way to the front of the church to hug and kiss and give their sympathies once again. Now that people were familiar with me, I was easily included in the greetings and well wishes.

I was disappointed to see that not even one third of her friends and family came to see her off. The chapel was sadly empty – it made my heart hurt.

I understood that it was a work day, but some things in life are simply more important than the nine to five grind – for example, _death. _Their absences pissed me off.

_Bree deserved better than this._

Just as the sun poured through the stained glass window behind the altar, Edward and Phil came in on either side of the pearlescent blue casket with Grandpa Tanner close behind Phil. Much to my surprise, they were followed by three additional paw bearers: Jasper, Emmet and Felix. They nodded their heads at me somberly before focusing their attentions ahead once more.

I quickly turned sideways to peer at the faces of those behind me. There, seated nearest to the door, bathed in the vibrant sunlight that filtered through the multi-colored panes, were Alice and Rosalie. I was dumbfounded. Across the numerous pews that separated us, I could clearly see the remorse on Rosie's elegant face as she mouthed "I'm sorry."

I cocked my head to the side and mouthed back "I'm sorry too."

Edward slipped in between Renee and I, alerting me to the fact that the service was about to begin. In response to my inquisitive look, he whispered "I was grateful when they showed up. We needed three strong men and there was no one else here."

With another glance around the nearly vacant church, I realized that we were among approximately twenty five women, children and mature men.

_Gotta hand it to my friends, they really come through in a pinch!_

Father Banner spoke briefly before asking if anyone wanted to say anything special. Edward stood tall, appearing proud and confident and elegant as he stepped forward to the casket.

"I was six when I moved into the house beside the Tanner family. The very first night, before our boxes were even unpacked, Renee brought over the best lasagna I had ever tasted." He chuckled.

"I remember I went to bed with a stomach ache that night because I was afraid if I didn't eat it all, I wouldn't get anymore – it was _that_ good. It wasn't until a couple of days later that I met Renee's three year old daughter Bree. I was riding my bike when I fell and skinned my knee. Here comes this little girl with big, bright blue eyes - she had these red little ringlets back then – and looking all worried about me. '_Oooh, you gotta boo-boo!'_ She told me. I was a little angry – the tears came pretty quickly back then and the last thing I wanted was some little girl to see me crying, so I yelled at her to go away." He snorted, dubiously shaking his head.

"Here I was, twice her size and twice her age and yelling at her, and she didn't even flinch. Instead, she leaned down, kissed my knee and smiled up at me, proudly proclaiming that it was '_all better'_. I snapped at her again, declaring that it was, indeed, not better and she just put her tiny hands on her little hips and huffed at me before storming into the house." He smiled brightly, looking at Renee as they shared the memory.

"She came back out a moment later with Renee in tow, jabbering on about how I '_wouldn't let her fix it'_ and warning her mom that I was a '_big, mean, bad boy who needed to say I'm sorry.'"_

"She was a spitfire, even from day one. Bree was never afraid of anything. Not of big, mean, bad boys and not of life-threatening cancer. She fought with every ounce of strength she had in that little body of hers, surviving even longer than doctors thought was possible. And no matter what, she always took care of me, whether I liked it or not. From scraped knees to broken hearts, she fastidiously mended them all. Even at the end, as I sat by her bedside pondering how I could possibly go on without my best friend…" His eyes landed right on mine. "…she managed to bring me exactly what I needed to get through it."

I could feel Renee looking at me, noticing the heart clenching expression of love and gratitude on her face.

"I am thankful every day that she was too stubborn to go away when I asked, because ultimately, I am a better man for having known and loved the extraordinary Bree Tanner."

It was 11:52 am on a bright, sunny day in Port Angeles when we committed Bree's body to the ground. As the casket lowered out of sight, a strong breeze blew through the field, oddly enough carrying with it the scent of lilies and sugar.

I watched as Renee breathed the air in, holding it deep within her lungs before exhaling slowly. Our eyes caught one another and the corners of her mouth pulled up slightly. She had worked her way through the denial, anger, blame and depression and was now learning to accept that this was what life would be for her from now on.

I hoped my friendship would be enough to help ease the pain.

Following the burial, everyone was invited to the Tanner's home for refreshments. I immediately planted myself in the kitchen, chopping fruits and vegetables for platters while the few guests mingled in the living room. I had been so tied up with Edward and the Tanners that I had yet to have a chance to see my friends or thank them for coming. I was hoping they would join us so that I could tell them how much it meant to me that they all came.

My wish was fulfilled a moment later when gargantuan sized arms wrapped around me to the words "Hello Princess."

I spun around, circling my arms around Felix's thick neck with the tightest squeeze I could muster. "Fifi! Thank you so very, very much! I can't believe you came!"

An oversized hand attempted to pry Felix's arms from around me. "Hey! What about me?"

I released one giant in exchange for another. "Emmet! This means the world to me!"

Alice swatted him on the arm. "Move aside, hulk! Time to share." She and Jasper hugged me at the same time as I repeated my thanks over and over again.

As the four of them moved aside, I came face to face with Rosie. Behind me, Felix hissed "Ooooh, this should be interesting."

Rosie and I just stared at each other for a second, measuring where we stood with one another.

"I'm so sorry!" We blurted out simultaneously, before laughing and easing into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Rosalie…"I began to blubber, but she silenced me quickly.

"Hey there…you said it all in the letter. It's my turn to apologize."

I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her away briskly to look into her eyes with gratitude. "You're here. Apology accepted."

She pulled me into one more hug and amidst the sorrow that surrounded us, there were tiny bits of wonderful. I always found myself pondering how much Bree had to do with it all – my silent, spunky little friend.

**A/N:** _Your reviews have been wonderful, so I'm tossing a lemon your way next chapter. Go on, press my button! It makes me happy, and you know what happens when I get happy…_


	35. Good Night

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. My beta and I take all the credit for the crazy things we make them do._

Warning: _Wowie! There's some tart lemon zest here!_

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,613 Words_

**CHAPTER 35: GOOD NIGHT**

I would have liked to have stayed home with Edward after the funeral, but three absences in four weeks time was more than enough. So, Tuesday evening found me back in my black shirt, blue jeans and black apron at New Moon while Edward hung out with Renee and Phil.

I was surprised to find Aro there when I got to work – he tended to take care of business in the mornings while the bar was closed. Surprise turned to concern when Felix informed me that Aro wanted to see me in his office.

I had only been in Aro's office a total of three times in the year and a half since I started working here: once for my interview, once when he brought me in to complete the obligatory paperwork for my employment and the last time was a little more than six months ago when he brought me in for my one year review.

The office was relatively small; paneled in dark wood with mahogany furniture and burgundy carpeting. It was a dark, foreboding place lit dimly by two small lamps. Aro sat behind the large desk in a dark suit, his fingers steeped as if in prayer. He was so deep in thought, the lines etched onto his face, that he didn't notice me standing there at first. My heart was hammering in my chest.

_Please, no bad news. Please, no bad news. _

Shockingly, his face lit up when he saw me. He pushed his oversized office chair back with a flourish, approaching me with his arms opened wide as if he hadn't seen me in years. "My Bella – you're back!" His arms enveloped me as he stroked my hair in a placating manner. "I'm so very sorry for your dear friend Bridget. She will be missed, I'm sure."

I stepped back out of his arms. "You mean, Bree?"

He looked confused. "Yes. Bree. Of course, that's what I said." He waved his hand in the air, dismissing the subject. "Anyway, I'm sad for your loss, but I was disappointed that you hadn't spoken to me about it sooner. You left quite a mess for us to clean up when you ran out on Friday."

I bit on the inside of my lip as I dropped my head in remorse. "I know. I'm sorry about that, Aro. I know I breached the contract and I can't make that up to you, but please don't punish the rest of the band for my error. Perhaps they could find another lead singer…" I began to ramble.

"Tut, tut, tut…" He shook his hand at me to dissuade me from continuing. "Of course, when you ran out with barely an explanation, leaving me with a room full of dissatisfied customers, I was upset. And yes, I did inform Alice that your breach of contract left me with much to consider. But I am not an unkind man – you should know this of me by now."

In truth, I never really thought much about Aro, but now that he brought it up, I sort of related to him like that weird, distant uncle who loved me just a little more than was appropriate. He was a business man, first and foremost. He always had his eye on the prize and usually considered the big picture when deciding things, but he wasn't without his generosities.

He continued. "Felix explained the dilemma that you were facing that night and the choice you made to forsake your own future with the record company to stand beside your biggest fan as she passed from this mortal coil."

My eccentric boss also had a flair for the melodramatic that I didn't always appreciate.

"Your selflessness, Bella…it warmed me to my very core. And with my understanding came admiration. Of course I will not fault you or your friends. In fact, I feel that you all deserve to be celebrated for the pure, good hearted people that you are. Therefore, not only would I like your band to resume playing Thursdays through Sundays, but I've arranged for a press conference tomorrow. The local newspaper, tv news and radio stations all want to know more about your heroic act."

_He was going to exploit Bree's death. I felt physically ill._

"Excuse me." I choked as I launched myself towards the employee wash room. I barely made it to the toilet before I lost my lunch.

I washed my face, looking up into the mirror that was darkened and warbled from age, seeing a gray, rippled version of myself.

_What am I supposed to do?_

On one hand, it was absolutely immoral. How could I possibly degrade her by using her death as a publicity stunt? I could only begin to imagine Edward and Renee's heartache at even hearing the notion. After everything we'd been through, they would be so incredibly hurt with me, and rightfully so.

On the other hand, I had wronged the band and owed them greatly for my errors. I wasn't naïve enough to believe that Aro would take us back without this new angle. Like I said, he was – above all – a keen business man. He held all the cards in his hand. If I refused to go along with this, it was very possible that he would cut the band altogether and _still_ hold the news conference to work the fiasco to his advantage.

I jumped when there was a sudden rapping on the bathroom door. "Bella, are you okay my dear?"

I opened the door, allowing Aro to see my wet, haggard expression. "My dear, you look terrible. Are you coming down with something?"

I ripped a paper towel out of the holder and dabbed at my face. "I think I'm just stressed out. Can I just have five minutes to straighten myself out before I start my shift?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no." He tsk'd. "This won't do! I need my star rested and glowing for the media tomorrow. It's a slow night – you go home and rest up – do whatever girly things you need to do – and come back tomorrow at five looking refreshed and ready to dazzle the reporters!"

I started to object, but he would have none of it. He shooed me out of the bathroom and escorted me out to Edward's Volvo, which he had once again kindly loaned me.

In a daze, I drove to the Tanner's home on the outskirts of town. Seeing that the lights were all on and knowing that Edward was inside, I crept into the house without knocking. My face felt cold and colorless.

I followed their voices to the kitchen where they were gathered around the breakfast table drinking various forms of hot drinks. Edward's stood up quickly, his eyes widening as he saw me. "Baby, what's the matter?"

He was by my side, arms around me in a matter of seconds.

_What do I say? How do I tell them what Aro is suggesting? Am I asking permission, or am I warning him that my friends are going to hate me for turning down our only hope at a second chance?_

"Bella, say something. You're worrying us, honey." Renee's eyes looked sad and tired, yet she still managed to show her concern for me.

I shook my head, still unsure how I wanted to broach the subject.

_I really should have gone somewhere else first and collected myself instead of putting them through this._

But as was quickly becoming the case - once my world started to fall apart, my first thought was always to get back to Edward's arms as soon as possible.

He prodded me back over to his chair, sitting down and pulling me into his lap. "Talk to me, baby. What's going on?" His velvet voice soothed over my nerves as he curled my hair around his fingers. I was able to slow down my racing thoughts to pluck them one by one.

"Aro wants to give the band another chance. He wants us to go back to performing Thursdays through Sundays and he's invited the media to the bar tomorrow night to get us some publicity." It all sounded good, even though my voice was hollow.

Edward smiled brilliantly, his green eyes twinkling with what resembled pride. I stared blatantly at him, attempting to comprehend his expression.

"That sounds wonderful, Bella, but why do you not sound happy?" Renee inquired.

I pried my eyes off of Edward to explain to Renee. "Well, it _would_ be wonderful, except that he wants me to exploit someone for the sake of publicity. It's absolutely immoral. So the fate of the band once again rests in my hands and I once again have to let them down."

It wasn't until I said it that I realized I had made up my mind.

_My friends were good people. There's no way they would want to do this just for our own benefit, right?_

Edward's expression faltered, his brows drawing forward over jade eyes. "Bella, what exactly did he ask you to do?"

I bit my lip and shook my head. "It doesn't matter, because I'm not going to do it."

He took my face in his hand and gently turned my head so that I was looking into his eyes. "Tell me."

I closed my lids, fighting the charming affect his eyes held over my will power. "It's not important, Edward. All that matters is that it's wrong."

When I opened my lids, his eyes were scrunched closed and Renee was holding his hand with a gentle smile on her face, as if they shared some kind of understanding I was missing. "Do it, Bella."

I looked at him incredulously. "How can you say that, Edward, when you don't know…"

Green eyes shot open, the full force of his magnetism drawing me in. "I was the one who suggested it to him."

My head felt cloudy. Surely I misunderstood him. "You what?"

As he pinched the bridge of his nose, Renee explained. "Edward talked to us about this on Sunday. The last thing any of us wanted to do was get in your band's way. Bree loved your music far too much to be involved with its demise."

Edward cut in. "I know you don't blame me for anything, but I still wanted to do something to try to make it right. I told Renee that I thought it would be a terrific marketing angle. That's not why you did it, of course we all know that, but it doesn't make it any less true. The business is ruthless, but a story about a band with real heart and fan devotion could go a long way to furthering your career."

I couldn't believe it. They all looked absolutely sincere. "It's not right, Edward. I refuse to exploit Bree's death."

To my shock, Phil chimed in. "Did you know my favorite song of yours is La Tua Cantante?"

_Well this is an unexpected turn in the conversation!_

"Um…" I stammered. "I guess I hadn't realized you'd ever heard us play."

He pulled one corner of his mouth up into a lopsided grin. "I listened to you play almost every night from my daughter's bedroom for at least a year. She played it for every new friend who came over. When her cousins came from out of town, they had to hear it too. If she had her way, she would have been single-handedly responsible for spreading your sound across the nation. So you see, you wouldn't be exploiting her…allowing her to do this for you would be more like granting her last wish."

Phil suddenly reminded me of Charlie. He didn't say much, but when he put his mind to it, what he did say was pretty monumental.

My heart still told me it was wrong, but the sincerity and hope in their eyes - along with Phil's logic - was pretty convincing.

"Are you sure?" I squeaked. They all nodded, their faces warming with smiles.

I sighed, trying to wrap my head around it. "Well, then, I better get to the band as soon as possible. I guess we have a press conference to prepare for…"

Edward dashed into the bedroom to pick up some more clothes before Renee and Phil sent us off with hugs and well wishes. Edward drove through the dark, winding road with a bright smile on his face as I phoned my friends to give them the good news. I was incredibly impressed when they all shared my reservations about exploiting Bree, but they all relented as I had once I explained the Tanner's take on it. Each and every one of them was moved by the fact that Edward had orchestrated the whole thing.

_Score bonus points for the boyfriend!_

We all agreed to meet at the Hales' home at ten the next morning to prepare as best as we could for our very first press conference. Edward's involvement went without question.

With the final phone call out of the way, I turned sideways in my seat to stare at the beautiful man beside me.

"Do you have any idea how extraordinary you are?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, my girlfriend seems to think I'm pretty special."

"She's a smart girl." I chided.

His glorious smile broadened as he glanced at me sideways. "Oh, but you have no idea."

His playful quip piqued my interest. "Oh, really? Please…do tell."

There was a wicked gleam in his eyes. "Well, she's actually a genius. For example, do you know that she invented a new use for toothpaste?"

I laughed out loud at that one. "You don't say? Is it any good?"

"Oh, fuck yeah…" he growled as he tightened his elegant hands around the steering wheel. I saw a glimpse of the animal in him, making my girly parts all jittery as I giggled and flushed. "You like that?" He tempted.

"Like what?" My body was suddenly overheating, causing my internal computer to crash.

His eyes darkened and his knowing, radiant smile lit up the car. "You like it when I talk to you like that, don't you?"

I bit my lip, suddenly feeling like a giddy school girl on a first date. "Yeah?" I mumbled feebly.

He turned his eyes back on the road, his smile softening a little bit as he clenched his jaw, causing it to jut out provocatively near his ear. "Tell me, Bella. What else do you like?" His velvet voice brushed sensuously against my skin.

"Dear God, Edward. _Everything_. There isn't a God damn thing you do that I don't like." I admitted.

"Hmmm…" he mused. "I think I'd like to try my own little experiment tonight."

_That was the night my girly parts started a choir dedicated solely to singing hymns in Edward's honor._

Just inside the Forks' town limits, he pulled into the parking lot of the Thriftway and Forks Outfitters. My thoughts wandered as I imagined what kind of experimental kinkery he could find in either store, and I started chewing on my lip anxiously.

He stilled my hand as I went to release my seatbelt to get out, then tilted my chin up and kissed me passionately, chuckling when he managed to get me worked up in ten seconds flat. "Wait here. I'll be right back.

_How dare he rile me up and then leave me here alone while he goes shopping!_

Just pondering what he was up to had my panties wet and terribly uncomfortable. I giggled as a new plan of action stirred in my mind.

_He'll love this!_

About five minutes later, he strolled out of the Thriftway with a self-satisfied grin plastered on his face. Although I was a little breathless from having maneuvered around in the confines of the Volvo, one look in the rearview mirror told me that I looked just as cocky. Luckily, the windows were tinted darkly enough that I was hidden from sight.

He opened the driver's door and gasped when he found my white thong folded neatly on the driver's seat.

_It had not been an easy task, given that I was in jeans, but damn – was it worth it! The look on his face was priceless._

He threw the grocery bag into the back, fisted my panties and slid into the leather seat easily, his eyes the color of majestic emeralds. His gaze locked on mine as he brought the white satin up to his face and inhaled.

I wiggled uncomfortably in my seat.

_Shit – if I thought soaked satin was uncomfortable, that's nothing compared to drenched denim! The frisson was driving me mad._

He rested his hand on my knee, never releasing me from his penetrating gaze. "You're a little naughty, you know that baby?" His hand slipped higher up my thigh. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's not nice to tease people?" My mouth dropped open as I struggled to breathe under the force of his stare. He rubbed his thumb over the crotch of my discarded panties as his hand wandered even higher up my tense thigh.

"You started it." I pouted.

He tsk'd at me. "Really, Bella? So childish…" Just as his fingers were about to graze my center, his hand slowly began to descend back towards my knee. I arched my back, my pussy attempting to eagerly chase after his retreating hand.

"Edward, you're driving me fucking crazy!"

He stilled his hand, leaning in to whisper in my ear. "Well you should have thought about that before you drove me mad with the scent of your pussy." The words rolled like waves off of his nimble tongue. "I can smell how badly you want me, Bella. I would love nothing more than to get you home and tear your clothes off of you right now, but I'm not sure it's safe to drive in my condition."

"And what condition is that?" I challenged.

He released my thigh, only to grab my hand and pull it over to his throbbing erection. The moment I touched him, my fingers instinctively molded to him, squeezing him as he gasped. I began working my fingers up and down his length.

"I'm sorry baby." I cooed. "You're right. That was careless of me." His eyes clenched as I fidgeted with his zipper. "Let me make it better."

I licked my lips as I freed him from his slacks, quickly slipping my mouth over the head of his engorged cock. "Holy shit!" he yelled as I opened my throat around him. His hand smacked hard against the car door. "Fuck, baby, I love having your mouth on me…"

I hummed at the compliment and he began pulsing his hips against me in response. "That's right, wrap that tasty little tongue of yours around my dick."

Hearing Edward come undone like this - hearing those dirty words in his leather voice - was setting my body on fire with need. I instinctively began thrusting my hips, loving the way the tight seam of my jeans slid back and forth between my slick folds.

His breathing quickened and I knew that he was on the edge. I reached underneath and squeezed his balls, causing him to buck once against me uncontrollably. "Sorry baby! Damn, I'm trying so hard to keep still but the things you're doing with your mouth make me just want to pound in to you!"

I massaged and squeezed and tugged as I brought my mouth fully down his length time and again. "_Fuck… Yes Bella… Yes! Ungh!"_ He screamed as I brought him to climax.

The act only heightened my desire and need without fulfilling it. I kissed his mouth hungrily, letting him taste himself on my tongue. He pushed me roughly into my seat, commanding "Put on your seatbelt so I can take you home!"

With my panties still clenched in his hand, he gripped the steering wheel tightly and peeled out of the parking lot. The fire raged on within me; an unquenchable desire that could not be tamed. I slipped my hand down to my dripping center, pressing against myself to release some of the ache.

His head was dipped slightly, his eyes trained on the road as he attempted to control himself. His velvet voice seethed through clenched teeth. "Are you wet for me, Bella?"

I squirmed against my hand. "Yes Edward…so wet."

"I have a surprise for you, baby." His voice was gravel.

My jeans were too stiff and tight, making it impossible to get the friction I so desperately needed. I slammed my hand on the armrest, growing maddeningly frustrated.

He licked his lips as he turned the corner into our apartment building. "I have so many things in store for you, Bella."

I had my seat belt off and jumped out before the car even lurched to a complete stop. I could hear Edward open the back door and retrieve the grocery bag as I punched my key swiftly into the lock and threw the door open.

I withdrew my key as the car door slammed behind me and marched past the living room where a very stunned Jasper and Alice were making out on the couch. "Hi and bye!" I called out as I raced for the bedroom.

The front door slammed shut as I heard Ali ask "What the hell is going on?"

Surprisingly, Edward's reply came from the kitchen. "We're going to have a very good night. I wish you two the same." I kicked off my shoes and peeled off my socks as Edward finally stormed into my room, locking the door behind him.

**A/N:**_ This was fun! Let's pick it up a notch next chapter! Click the review button and talk to me, people!_


	36. In Each Other's Arms

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I am ashamed to admit that the other interesting positions these characters find themselves in is all my doing._

Warning: _Here's some lemonade for you, with a tangy slice of lime!_

Approx: _10 Pages/__ 4,667 Words_

**CHAPTER 36: IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS **

I attacked him, running my hands from his shoulders down his chest as I reached up on my tip toes to kiss him. Instead of going with it as I had expected, he surprised me by grabbing my wrists to still me.

"_Oh, Bella. I am so not going to rush this_."

_What the fuck?_

He licked the corner of my jaw, breathing his hot, sweet breath in my ear. "See, thankfully, my girlfriend gave me a mind blowing orgasm in the car, so I am now relaxed enough to take my time ravishing her slowly." He nipped at my ear lobe.

"_Edward…" _I moaned pitifully. With him holding my wrists near his chest, I thrust my hips against him, desperate for release.

Still holding me by the wrists, he stepped back so that I couldn't get near him, an evil grin playing at his lips. "What, Bella? What do you want?"

"_Touch me, Edward. Pleeease." _I was begging.

"I am touching you, _Bella_." Every time his velvet tongue stroked my name, my nerves tingled. "In fact, I plan on touching you all night long. What's the rush, baby?"

He was holding me captive in the middle of a blazing inferno. "I need you, Edward_. I need you."_ I couldn't believe I was pleading. My desperate yearning for him had caused me to sink to a new low. But I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed. Not in front of Mr. Green Eyes. I would give him whatever he wanted…I would give him _everything_…whatever it took.

"What do you need, _Bella?_" His eyes were darkening once again. _"Tell me what you need."_

"Make love to me. Kiss me. Touch me. Hold me. Talk to me. _Fuck me!_ I want it all, Edward. I need all of you! _I need everything! Please!"_

He stepped forward slowly, deliberately lowering his head to mine to kiss me. His lips were heated and passionate, but the rest of him was aggravatingly restrained.

He released his grip on my wrists, slowly caressing up my arms and over my shoulders until he was holding my face in his hands. I wanted to thrust my fingers into his hair and pull him to me, but I fought to control myself and follow his lead instead.

He lifted my shirt by the hem, peeling it off of me slowly. Lazy circles were traced over my back as he sucked along my jaw. His head lowered to my chest, sucking deeply on my lace covered breast. When he pulled away, my nipple strained against the wet material. Edward unbuttoned my jeans, slipping his hand inside to slide his fingers against my throbbing clit. I threw my head back and closed my eyes, focusing all of my attention on the two magical fingers that he dipped into my wet heat.

We kissed passionately as his fingers stroked in and out of me, igniting the parts of my body that were not already scorched by desire. Just as the flames reached new heights, he withdrew his fingers. My eyes shot open and I stared at him, wondering how long he intended to let me burn.

He slid his hand out of my jeans and tickled up my abdomen, between my breasts and up the side of my throat, spreading a trail of my sweetness wherever he touched.

He traced my mouth with his dewy index finger, slowly easing it in between my lips. I sucked on his finger tip hungrily, heightened by the taste of my arousal on his salty skin. Once I sucked his finger clean, I turned my attention to his middle finger, taking it fully into my mouth and lashing my tongue out further towards the sensitive flesh of his palm. The sensation made him clench his eyes and exhale heavily.

He followed the wet trail with lips and tongue, retracing his steps back down my throat, past my breasts and over my quivering abdomen. His hands slid under my waist band and over my hips, coaxing the denim slowly down my tense thighs as he knelt before me. He nuzzled his nose into the apex of my legs, inhaling my scent and placing sensual, teasing kisses over my mound – never fully venturing where I needed and wanted him the most.

He placed his hand behind my knee, prompting me to step out of my jeans. I did as he wanted – first one leg, and then the others.

Edward carefully folded my pants, grabbed my shirt and carried them over to place them on my chair.

_To hell with the clothes!_ I screamed in my head. Still, I had to admit that part of me was enthralled, watching him so in control. It was exciting not to know what to expect next and fascinating to be at his mercy as he orchestrated each and every step. As anxious as I was to feel him moving inside of me, I was curious how his little "experiment" would play out.

I stood still, nude and enraptured by the bunching and flexing of his muscles as he stripped my bed of everything but the fitted sheet. He lifted me effortlessly; placing me right in the middle of my queen sized bed, then retrieved one of the discarded pillows and plumped it behind my head.

His eyes sparkled with the same mischievous glint that had started this whole night. "I'll be right back." He whispered.

I rolled onto my side to watch as he slipped quickly out the door. I slipped my hand between my legs, rubbing my finger up and down against my enflamed clit, hoping to dissipate some of the quaking energy before the fire consumed me alive. Edward caught me, pulsing and moaning against my hand as he snuck back into the room.

He growled; the rumbling coming from deep with his chest. He flung the grocery bag onto my night stand and lunged for me, tearing my hand away like ripping the bandage off of a wound. "_Mine!" _He growled, licking once straight up my slit before sucking my fingers into his mouth and straddling me.

Once he had sucked my fingers clean, he looked down at me, his eyes now burning black coals. "It's not nice to start without me, Bella. I have plans for this." He palmed my pussy, applying the faintest pressure to my throbbing clit as he leaned down to whisper once again in my ear. "Am I not worth the wait?"

"_Yesss…"_ I hissed, managing to buck once against his hand before he pulled it away.

"Good."

I hummed with delight, feeling the weight of his erection as he straddled my groin.

I trained my eyes on his chest as he slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt, performing a strip tease on top of me. Every so often, he would swivel and dip his hips, stroking the embers of my desire. "Do you like that, Bella?"

I thrust my hips upward to meet him. "God, yes Edward. I love it."

He pulled his shirt off completely, tossing it into the chair in the corner along with my clothes. He splayed his hands across my abdomen and moved them upward, palming by breasts through the dainty fabric before sliding around to release my bra. He pulled the straps down my arms slowly before tossing it into the chair as well.

He grabbed my wrists once again and raised my arms. "Put your hands behind that beautiful head of yours." I did as he instructed. "Now I want you to keep them there. Can you do that for me, baby?"

"Um-hum." I mumbled.

He wound his hands under my shoulders and dipped his head to suck on my nipples before pinching and flicking them roughly. I bit my lip and moaned as I arched into his ministrations.

He climbed off the bed and moved out of my sight. I could hear the pulling of his zipper and the rustle of his clothing as he fully disrobed. A moment later, a gloriously naked Edward was once again perched astride me with a familiar carton in his hands.

"My girlfriend seems to love this stuff. I just want to know what all the fuss it about." He dipped his finger into the pint. "Ben and Jerry call this one Karamel Sutra." He licked the cream off seductively. "Hmm, it's not bad." His plunged his finger back in, caramel and chocolate covering the long, slender digit. "What do you think?"

I opened my mouth obediently, lapping at the sweet concoction. "Tastes heavenly." I mused.

"I don't know. I think it needs something." He plunged his finger back into the carton, emerging with a thin coating of ice cream. He traced the sugary mixture from my ear down my throat before licking it clean. "That was definitely an improvement."

He scooped some onto his finger and lathered it over my right breast. With the fire that was consuming my body, the icy cream was a shock to my system. Goose bumps ran up and down my arms as my nipples stiffened beneath the goo. Edward bent over, his mouth opened wide to consume the sugary mess from my breast. His tongue lashed against my sensitive nipple again and again as he cleaned the treat from my skin.

"Hmmm, that was definitely better. Wonder how this one tastes." He smeared more over my left breast, repeating the thorough tongue lashing and biting down with the most delirious pressure, tugging on my nipple with his teeth. I reached for him, threading my fingers into his hair, holding his euphoric mouth against my heated flesh. He pulled away, looking at me in dismay. "Bella, I thought you promised you were going to keep your hands behind your head?"

"God Edward, you feel so good…" I moaned.

"That's good, baby, but now you've distracted me and I have to start all over again. Can you keep your hands behind your head this time, Bella?"

I laced my hands into my own hair, tangling the tendrils around my fingers to hold me in place.

He repeated the steps – feeding me ice cream from his fingertips, licking it from my throat and eating it off of my breasts. I pulled at my hair as I struggled to restrain myself.

He dripped some into my navel, my pussy clenching as he licked and sucked at the sensitive nerves of my bellybutton. He slid back so that he was no longer straddling me, and pushed my knees wide apart. The ice cream was melting now as he dribbled it up my leg from my knee to my inner thigh. He chased after it quickly as it began to drip down my leg towards my white sheets. As his mouth neared the apex of my thighs, I thoughtlessly reached out for him once again. I caught myself and retreated, but not before he noticed.

And so the slow, sweet torture started once again as he straddled me, allowing me to drink the caramel and chocolate goodness from his finger.

I closed my eyes this time, focusing solely on the feelings of the cold cream, his hot touch and his wet mouth as my fingers tore at my hair.

When he completed the circuit, licking the last of the cream from my left thigh without me breaking the rules, I was rewarded thoroughly. His cold teeth nibbled at my clit and his icy tongue darted in and out of my heated center. The contrasts were amazing – hot and cold, hard and soft. I thrusted against his mouth mindlessly, pushing my hips to meet his frenzied lips as the fire and ice enveloped me completely. Within minutes, I pulled my own hair and moaned in ecstasy as I climaxed.

My green eyed lover was relentless. He continued to kiss and suck gently on my pussy as my body tensed and trembled, only to resume his frantic attack the moment it seemed I might relax.

He devoured me with such all consuming passion, his lips feverishly working against mine, his tangled bronze hair tickling against my stomach as he shook his head back and forth voraciously between my quivering thighs until I convulsed in a second and third climax in quick succession.

I lie there panting, my body covered in a sheen of perspiration as I attempted to stop the tremors deep within. Every nerve ending in my body was a frayed, live wire.

Edward climbed up my body and lay on his side beside me, my skin quaking as he whispered his fingers absentmindedly up my arm. "I think my girlfriend is right. Ben and Jerry's is pretty awesome."

I laughed weakly, thoroughly spent from his loving. "You are incredible, Edward. That was…just…_wow_." I ran my fingers through my hair, attempting to smooth out the frazzled mess. "You're right, this was a good night."

His arm slid around my waist, squeezing me as he pulled his lips to my ear once again. "Oh, my dear, sweet Bella…_the night's only just begun."_

_The night's only begun? Can he possibly be serious? He's just turned my bones to marshmallow and my muscles to jelly! What in the world does he think I can possibly do now?_

"Go head and rest for a little while. I'll be back in a few minutes." He rolled out of bed, pulled his slacks back on and grabbed the grocery bag from my nightstand before striding out of the bedroom.

I stretched out fully, trying to reattach myself to my body, enjoying the pull on my arms and legs as I simultaneously reached for both ends of the bed. I could feel myself slipping back into place, my soul coming home to my physical self.

After a thorough stretching, I curled in on myself, hugging my arms around my torso. Just as I was on the edge of sleep, vivid images of Edward's languorous sexual torture flashed behind my lids. My body sparked back to life, the needy fire starting once again.

With the sudden urge to be near him, I slipped out of bed, opting for his shirt as a cover up. Edward had told me he liked the way I looked in his clothes, but I wondered if he knew what a turn on it was for me to walk around in them. It was just long enough to cover my ass while still leaving my legs exposed, and as I walked around in the oversized shirt, the smooth cotton rubbed over my bare skin erotically. Add to that the fact that it smelled like Edward and it became a wet dream come true.

The apartment was dark and quiet and I found myself wondering if Ali and Jazz had left or if they were performing their own sexcapades in Al's room. I quickly distracted myself from that thought – that wasn't a mental image I needed right now.

I could hear Edward fiddling around in the bathroom, so I snuck a peek. He spun around, his slacks slung low across his hips, revealing that tantalizing little indentation that drove me wild with desire.

He had placed candles on every imaginable surface in the bathroom, making the small room smell of lavender and jasmine. A bubble bath was prepared with rose petals floating on the water. His iPod was set up on the back of the toilet just as I had done for him previously.

After taking a complete inventory of the room, I met his gaze as he was eyeing me appreciatively.

"Do you have any idea what it does to me to see you standing there in my shirt?"

I grinned. "I imagine it's similar to what it does to me to be wearing your shirt while you stand there shirtless." I nodded towards the bathtub. "So, were you planning on inviting me?"

He smirked and shrugged. "I was considering it. After all, who wants to sleep with someone who's all sticky and smells of caramel and chocolate?"

I stepped up, scratching my nails over his abdomen as he clenched his eyes and threw his head back with pleasure. "Who said anything about sleeping?" The tension crackled in the air.

I glanced over to the silent iPod. "Cotton Eyed Joe?" I teased.

He laughed and my heart rejoiced at the sound. "No, it's something I've been working on since that night." He pressed play and the sound of Van Morrison's "Into The Mystic" wafted through the aromatic air. He slipped his hands beneath his shirt and around my back, pulling me closer. "This is my official I'm-Gonna-Sex-Up-My-Girlfriend playlist." He sucked on my bottom lip, sending tingles down my spine.

I undid his slacks, sliding down his body as I guided them over his long, muscular legs. I ghosted my lips over his thigh, my breath hot on his erect member, watching the goose bumps spread over his abdomen and chest as I kept my mouth close to his skin without ever touching him. I pushed him backwards, prodding him to step back into the tub. As he slid into the bubbles and rose petals, I swayed my hips to the alluring music, slowly unbuttoning his shirt as I danced provocatively for his amusement.

I undid the buttons without ever opening the shirt, choosing instead to turn around and peek at him over my shoulder as I gradually lowered the shirt down my back, feeling the material rub sensuously against my ass. Still holding the shirt between the two of us, I turned around so I was now holding it over my breasts as I continued to swivel my shoulders and rock my hips. His eyes were ravenous as his hand reached out to me, his fingers wrapping behind my knee and sliding up my thigh.

I clung to the shirt as I stepped into the tub, my feet straddling his strong thighs. I gathered the shirt up as I lowered myself onto him, tossing it near his jeans as my chest reached the water.

His arm slid over my wet skin as he pulled me to his chest and kissed me languidly. His hands wandered down my back and lower until he was squeezing my ass and pulling me against his erection. "What do you fantasize about, Bella?"

This was new territory for me. Just as I had never tried phone sex before I met Edward, I had never tried discussing my erotic imaginings. No one had ever expressed an interest in hearing them before. I mean, popping into the bedroom with toothpaste was one thing, but to divulge and discuss the stirrings in the darkest recesses of my mind was frightening.

I swallowed and gave the best answer that I could. "You." His nails dragged gently across my ass cheeks and I naturally rubbed my aching center against his throbbing erection in response.

He bit softly on the corner of my jaw before sucking on it. "Tell me. I want to make all of your fantasies come true."

Against my will, every fantasy I'd ever had of the things I wanted to do to Edward….of the things I wanted Edward to do _to me_…flashed through my mind. And the fact that he wanted to know those things…to make those things come true for me…I realized I wanted exactly the same. I wanted to know his every private wish and desire and I wanted to bring every fantasy to life for him.

I ran my hand down his arm, intertwining my fingers with his as he squeezed my ass. "I think about you…" I slipped our hands between my cheeks, our fingers prodding at my tight hole, "…here."

He groaned, his eyes becoming unfathomably black. "Have you tried that before?"

I was glad that there was no jealousy or distaste in his voice. He sounded concerned…and extremely interested. I shook my head.

"But you want to?"

I swallowed. Part of me was terribly afraid it would hurt, but that darker side of me, the sexual sentient being that he was turning me into, wanted desperately to like it. "…with you." I breathed, my voice husky.

His finger skimmed around my hole and the sensation made my body roll against him. "Turn around." The sexy gravel was back. My eyes shot open wide and he could immediately see my reluctance. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise, I just want to try something."

I spun around in the water, my back resting against the hard, slippery planes of his chest. "Lean your head back against me and relax." As I followed his instructions, his fingers tickled up and down my arms and shoulders soothingly. I had never known that it was possible to be turned on and relaxed at the same time, but it was all surprisingly erotic. As my breathing deepened, he moved over my chest and breasts, his fingertips whispering on my wet skin, spreading shivers wherever he touched. I could feel my center quaking in anticipation as his fingers dipped into the water, stroking gently over my stomach.

He lowered his head to my neck, sucking the sensitive flesh there as he teased lower, stroking my thighs and mound. I rolled my head, allowing him to nip at my collarbone. My nipples tensed as my breathing caused them to lower in and out of the water, the rose petals caressing them softly.

His fingers dipped between my thighs, stroking up my slit and rubbing circles against my swollen clit. He flicked his thumb across the sensitive bundle of nerves, causing me to moan as two fingers pushed inside of me. His other hand ghosted up my hip and across my stomach until he was squeezing my breast, allowing my nipple to slip in between his fingers so that he was pinching it repeatedly as he groped.

Electricity buzzed through me, my face flushing as the fire raged on. Behind me, Edward's breath quickened, his lips became more frantic on my neck and shoulder as he thrust his fingers faster within me.

He released my breast, sliding his hand down in between us as he pulled me higher up his body so that I could now feel his erection pressing against my ass. My stomach trembled with excitement and nervousness. He eased his thick cock between my ass cheeks so that I could feel his head pressing against my entrance – despite fear that it would hurt, I wanted nothing more than to push myself down on him – to take him deep within me as he screamed my name.

Instead, he brought his hand out of the water, the soapy water dripping over my body as he resumed fondling my breast. "Move with me, Bella. Let me slide against you."

I did as he said, gripping my ass cheeks tightly around his dick as I rocked my hips against him.

He pinched my clit between his forefinger and thumb as I pushed up against him, the swollen tip of his dick pushing just slightly into my tight hole. His fingers pulsed a steady rhythm against my clenched walls as I rode him, loving the way that his girth slipped back and forth, always teasing but never fully plunging into the depth where I wanted him.

"God, Edward! That feels so good…I want it so bad!" I crooned as my nerves coiled within me, ready to spring.

"Yes, Bella…I want to give it to you, baby. I want to plunge so hard into you that I can't tell where you end and I begin!"

I reached between my legs, joining his fingers in the search for my impending orgasm. "_Give it to me harder, Edward. Deeper!_"

"_Yes Baby! You like it like that_?"

"_Oh God, Edward! I can't get enough_."

"_Take it, Bella! Take it! Fuck, it's so good!"_

"_I'm cumming Edward! Fuck! I'm gonna cum so hard!"_

"_Yes Bella! Yes!"_

I bucked against him as every muscle in my body tensed, my pussy clenching around his fingers, my ass gripping his dick as I rode out the euphoric wave of pleasure.

As my body stiffened infinitely, he continued to thrust against me, releasing his warmth against my greedy backside. His body convulsed beneath me as his hands squeezed my breast and tightened on my pussy with his overwhelming climax.

We collapsed against each other, gasping heavily. I spun around in his arms, running my fingers through his hair and pulling myself up to kiss him passionately.

"I love you, Edward."

He squeezed me tightly. "It scares me how much I love you. You're my everything."

We lie in the tub amidst the love, music, flames and roses – reluctant to get out until the water finally became unbearably cold.

He dried me off, paying close attention to every curve of my body as if he were cherishing a newly discovered treasure. I slipped into my robe and padded back to the bedroom while he recovered the bathroom, not to leave any traces for Jasper and Ali to find in the morning.

I picked the sheet and blankets up from the floor and made the bed, placing the last pillow in place as Edward wandered back into the bedroom with the grocery bag of used goodies. I slipped my robe off, laying it over the footboard before climbing into bed, watching as he dropped the bag into the corner chair.

He discarded his towel into my hamper, letting me watch his muscular, hardened body as he rounded the bed to climb in on the other side. I waited for him to get comfortable, the familiar fire starting to burn yet again. He lay on his back with his hands behind his head, the blanket pulled up just below his navel. I rolled over, sliding my hand over his defined abs, drawing my body up alongside his. I kissed his chest and shoulder – he wound his arms around me in response.

"Are you tired?" I asked, looking up into his flawless face.

"Yes." I tried not to be disappointed. "You?"

"Yeah." I answered honestly. "But I'm not sleepy."

"Me neither." He slipped into a crooked smirk, tilting my chin up to kiss me.

You know when you're on a diet for a long time and you finally get to have a piece of chocolate again? That sense of euphoria that you experience as the sweetness melts on your tongue and that addictive sugar absorbs into your blood stream?

_That is what it is like kissing Edward Cullen. _

_Each and every time. _

_Absolute, blissful, sinful, heavenly, indulgent euphoria._

"I want you." I murmured against his lips. "How can that be possible? You're like a drug, Edward. I can't get enough. I keep thinking just one more hit will satisfy my hunger for you, but it never goes away. This clawing, aching, burning need to have you and feel you. If you're anywhere near me, I can't think straight. It's like my body is on overdrive and my mind can't keep up. It's need, want and burning desire. How can that be sane?"

His fingers eased over my nose, along my brow and back down my temple and jaw. "Bella, if feeling this way about you is insane, then sanity is completely over rated."

He hitched my leg around his hip and angled his body towards mine. We kissed as he slipped inside me, our bodies dancing rhythmically against each other. There was hunger, but no rush. There was lust, but there was also love. There was mental and emotional, spiritual and physical all wrapped up in one. I focused not only on the flames that burned where our bodies joined again and again, but on the sparks that ignited beneath his fingertips and the glowing embers of his kiss.

It was a long night: playful, magical, pleasurable, experimental and intense. We made love until the first rays of light began to brighten the sky beyond my window. As was quickly becoming our habit, we whispered our good mornings to Bree before falling asleep in each other's arms.

**A/N:**_ Oh my! Did I do that? Must be all those incredible reviews you're sending me? If you liked that, then you can only imagine how much better it might get if you send me more reviews!_


	37. Always Yours

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I may or may not be the freak who conjured up the rest of the story..._

Warning: _Anyone in the mood for 7-Up? Here's some lemon and lime!_

Approx: _6 Pages/__ 2,730 Words_

**CHAPTER 37: ALWAYS YOURS**

We were awakened abruptly when a screeching blonde Amazon came barging into our room. I pulled the sheets up to my shoulders as Edward bolted up, immediately ready to defend me from the intruder.

Rosalie rushed around the bed to shove her hand in Edward's face. "Are you responsible for this?" She demanded, her fingers fisted tightly around what looked like a letter and an envelope. I rubbed my hand over my face to clear my drowsy haze.

Ali stood in our doorway in her yoga clothes. "Sorry, guys, I tried to stop her but it was like trying to stop a freaking runaway train!"

Jasper leaned against the doorframe behind his pixie, chewing on a granola bar casually. "This should be interesting."

"Rosie, what the hell is going on?" I roared.

"Let him answer the question, Bella. Did you, or did you not do this?" She thrust the crumpled paper closer to his face.

I got up on my knees, prepared to pummel the blonde bombshell if she came any closer to my man, clothes be damned, but Edward reached out to calm me. "It's okay, baby. Rosalie, I will gladly answer you if you would be so kind as to show me what 'this' is."

She loosened her grip, allowing him to take the papers for a closer look. His eyes twinkled and the corner of his mouth pulled up slightly as he read.

"Hey guys! What'd I miss?" Emmet pushed in between Alice and Jasper and walked across my room, shoving our clothes and bag on the floor so that he could plop into the seat in the corner, making himself right at home.

Edward looked up from the black text, appearing absolutely bewildered as he turned his gaze back on Ro. "Yes…I wrote it. I'm sorry, but did I do something wrong?"

I tensed as Rose lunged at him, then gasped when…_she hugged him!_ "Edward! Thank you so very, very much! You're a fucking genius! Boy, did Dorothy hit the jackpot when she found you!"

Edward paled as Rosie threw herself at him, shocked beyond words. Then, as she continued to ramble on, his lips pulled into a satisfied grin. He patted her on the back as she continued to babble his praises. "Um, Rosalie, I'm glad that you like what I've done, but would you mind letting go? I'm kind of naked under these sheets and this is just a little awkward."

"Oh!" Ro jumped back, finally establishing some sense of decorum.

"Jesus! You're naked again?" Jasper admonished. "Don't you own any clothes, man!" He turned to Alice with a look of dismay. "It's like watching an episode of Wild Kingdom!" He bit into his granola bar and stalked away, feigning disgust.

I was too distracted to be amused. "Would someone care to explain to me what the hell is going on?" Rosie rounded the bed back to my side, sitting on top of the sheets beside me.

"What's going on…" she began excitedly as she handed me the rumpled paper, "…is that your boyfriend wrote to Simon Cowell and sent him a copy of our cd! He told them about Bree, Bella. He told him how much our music meant to her and how you gave up your big break to be by her side. Guess what? He liked our cd! He wants to send a representative from FanFare Records to come out and hear us play! Can you believe it?" Rosalie was bouncing on the bed, barely able to contain her excitement as she grabbed me up in a tight embrace.

When she released me, Emmet was standing by her side, pulling a folded envelope out of his back pocket and holding it out for me as well. "I got one too, except mine is far cooler because it's from Gene Simmons from KISS. Did you know he has his own label?"

I heard Ali scream from the living room before she raced back into our room. "It's from Ellen Degeneres! She's interested in possibly signing us to ElevenEleven Records! And Jazz got a letter from Justin Timberlake saying that JayTee Records is always looking for artists with heart."

"But I'm not showing it to you until you all put some damn clothes on, for God's sake!" Jasper bellowed from the kitchen.

I turned to Edward who was positively beaming with satisfaction. "When did you do all of this?"

"Sunday."

"Oh my God, that's what you were doing while I stayed here all day feeling miserable?"

He placed his hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry, that's why it took me so long. I had to look up all of the contact information – I wanted to make sure I wrote to labels that I thought would sympathize with what you did. Then, I had to type the letters and run them to the post office for express mail. I didn't realize I'd lost my phone until I met up with Aro that night." He shrugged.

I wound my arms around his neck, kissing him passionately.

"Ew!" Rosie screeched.

Ali waved her arms like an air traffic controller signaling for Ro and Em to evacuate. "Okay everybody, that's our cue to leave."

She peeked back into the room once more before closing the door. "You have an hour before you have to meet us at Jazz's place to prepare for the press conference tonight. However, I'll keep them busy for an extra thirty minutes, if I have to." She winked, pulling the door closed behind her.

I peppered him with kisses. "You wonderful," (kiss) "magical," (kiss) "fantastic," (kiss) "mystical," (kiss) "incredible man! How in the world do you do it?"

He smiled as I lavished my attentions all over his face. "It's easy. I owe it all to my girlfriend."

I hugged him fiercely, wanting to climb into his soul if it was at all possible. "Edward?" I asked between my kisses.

"Yes Bella?"

"I'm not sleepy anymore." I ran my hand down his body.

He gave me that dreamy little sideways smirk of his. "Me neither."

I straddled his body, loving the feel of his masculine strength between my legs. "Close your eyes." I instructed. He laid back against the plump pillows, his eyes drifting softly closed. I ran my hands over his tight abdomen, up over the defined lines of his chest. "You want to know what my three favorite places are on your magnificent body, Edward?

He smiled lazily. "Tell me."

I pouted, even though he couldn't see me. "Oh, now what would be the fun in that? I'd rather demonstrate…" I slid my fingers around his neck, stroking the tense muscles beneath the skin. "I love your neck and throat. It's so long and elegant. I could spend eternity just sucking on it." He started to open his eyes and I traced my hands over his face, softly skimming my fingertips over his eyelids to keep them closed. "Uh-uh-uh, naughty boy. I told you to close your eyes." He smiled, remembering the way he had tortured me last night.

"As I was saying, I love your neck and throat, but I also love your broad shoulders and muscular arms." My hands massaged over his shoulders, straying over his taut biceps and forearms. "So strong and manly. I love the way the muscles in your arms flex and ripple as you wrap them around me, or the way they tremble when you're getting lost inside of me."

He ran his tongue over his lips and the moisture started to build between my thighs.

My palms wandered back over his torso. "And the definition in your chest and stomach…the way your smooth, hot flesh molds to the hard muscle beneath…you're breathtaking, Edward. Absolute, manly perfection." I watched in awe as his muscles contracted beneath my touch, fascinated at the many ways I had already memorized his body's reactions to me.

I leaned forward, my breasts grazing his chest, my groin aligning with his stiff erection. "But those are not my three favorite places." I licked up along his jaw, loving the feel of the rough stubble that was starting to grow there. His jaw tightened as I expected it would, and I sucked on the corner of it, just below his ear. "This, Edward. This tender spot right here." I nipped at him. "This is spot number one." He groaned as I continued to lick and suck and tease.

I skimmed my nose along his throat to the hollow below his Adam's apple. "And I love the way this spots fits my lips perfectly. See, baby?" I planted a soft, sensual kiss, feeling his Adam's apple bob as he struggled to swallow. I licked at the hollow once more before sliding down his body, bringing my face near his crotch.

"But the piece de resistance, my love…the most sensual, erotic, provocative part of your body that drives me absolutely insane with lust are these little indentations right here." I ran my fingers from his hips, down the channels that flowed to his groin. I brought my face down to his hip, sucking just over the bone before tracing my tongue down the line, stopping to bite where the indentation ended just before his cock.

Before I knew it, he flipped us around so that I was now on my back with my head near the footboard and he was on top of me. "That's interesting, but now it's my turn. Close your eyes." I giggled, but did as I was told.

His fingers traced over the curves of my face, tracing my bottom lip before his palm slid over my exposed throat. "Of course, like any man, I'm mesmerized by the beautiful swell of your breast, fascinated by the way your nipples flush pink and tight with your desire." He accentuated this with a gentle kiss on each of my peaks.

I could feel him ease off of me, backing up towards the head board. He lifted my left leg so that my foot rested on his shoulder. He kissed the inside of my knee, his lips and tongue exploring higher up my thigh as he talked. "And I could spend hours commenting on these long, sensual legs of yours." He wrapped his hands around my ankle, massaging upward until he reached my thigh before laying my leg back down.

His fingers curved around my waist, his broad hands nearly meeting in the middle. "Then there's this tiny waist and these gorgeous hips of yours that hammer me with desire whenever you do that little sway of yours." His tongue dipped into my navel. "But although all of those are worthy of my every attention, they are not my favorites."

His fingers traced along my collar bone. "This elegant curve right here – the way your soft, delicate skin smooths over it like satin over glass – this is my first favorite place." He scraped his teeth over my right clavicle before enveloping the gentle bite mark with his lush, wet lips.

He wrapped his hands around my right arm, working his way down to my wrist, pulling my hand up in front of him. "Your hands are my second favorite spot. To be able to feel the beating of your precious heart just beneath the skin." He licked along my wrist. "Knowing the incredible pleasure that your palms can provide." He kissed the center of my hand provocatively. "The paradox of these tiny fingers that can whisper faintly over my skin or claw and grab viciously at my hair in the throws of passion." He kissed each of my fingertips. "Your hands fascinate me."

He leaned over me, bringing his lips to my ear. "But you'll need to roll over for my third favorite spot." I shivered in anticipation, waiting for him to pull his weight off of me so that I could obey.

He massaged my shoulders and arms, pushing and pulling and kneading his way down my back, chasing all of the tension and knots away. "But my sweet, beautiful, incredible lover" - he bathed me in velvet – "my absolute favorite part is this dip right here." His lips parted as he blew hotly against the small of my back.

I arched into the bed as his hands continued caressing and stroking further down, his fingers now working on my ass and hips. "This little spot is so fragile and feminine. That first night, when I held you in front of that mirror…when you fell apart in my arms…this was the spot that pressed eagerly against me. Whenever I've guided you into a room or ushered you to a seat, this is the spot that my hand rests upon, always leaving me fascinated by the fact that you – a goddess on earth – are willing to follow my lead. This is where my fingers prod when I draw you closer to me and you pull me deep inside your body. Through good and bad, in lust and in love, this is where you've stored my heart."

He licked up from the top of my crack, over the dip he so very loved, before sucking deeply and marking me as his. I'd never had a hickey before – for all intensive purposes, I'd thought they were childish – but I felt an uncanny sense of pride as he claimed me.

_I felt wanted._

I could feel his weight shift on the bed as he sat back on his feet, spreading my legs on either side of him. With the heel of one hand on my newly acquired mark, he slipped his other hand around my waist and pulled my hips upward, his fingers pushing downward on my back so that my ass was now up in the air and my head was resting on my arms against the bed.

He kept one hand in place on the small of my back as the other hand slid up my side and over my shoulder blade so that he was now gripping my shoulder. The bed shifted under him once more as he rose onto his knees, pulling me backwards to meet his hips.

"_Ooooooooooh…"_ I moaned as he slid his full length deep inside of me.

"Who's making love to you, Bella?" He crooned in crushed velvet as he pulled out of me.

"You are, Edward." He plunged back into me, rocking my body with the force.

"And who do you love?" In this angle, I could feel every vein in his dick throbbing against my slick walls as he pulled back out.

"You Edward. Only you!" I gasped with the force of his thrust.

"Who do you belong to?" As he pulled back out, his voice had deepened to that husky leather that made me melt.

"I belong to you, baby. _Everything I am belongs to you_!"

"_Ugh!"_ he groaned as he shoved hard inside of me. "_And who am I?" _He was reduced to gravel as I tightened around his retreating cock.

I looked back over my shoulder, my eyes burning with a primal, territorial need. "_You're mine."_ I growled fiercely. "_You are mine, Edward!"_

He pounded into me, our bodies slapping against each other from our urgent, animalistic need.

He held my shoulder down, pressing on the small of my back, causing me to arch my body further so that he could drive against my g-spot hard and fast. "_You're mine!"_ I yelled, spurring him farther towards our angry climax.

"_Take me Edward! Make me yours! I'll never need anyone but you!"_

He rumbled from deep in his chest, surprising me when he slapped my ass. _"You're mine Bella! Do you hear me! No other man will ever fucking touch you! You're mine!"_

My ass stung, but I liked it. "_Again!"_ I pleaded.

His hand came down again as he began chanting "_Mine!_" with every quickening thrust.

I rocked my hips, eagerly meeting him thrust for thrust. "_Yours Edward! Always yours!"_

White flowers burst behind my lids as the fire consumed my entire body. He groaned as he came, spreading his hot love deep within me. My legs quivered and my pussy trembled with overwhelming pleasure. He wrapped one arm around my waist, showering my back with kisses as his other hand rubbed soothingly against my enflamed backside. "Yours Edward. Always yours." I repeated as we collapsed back onto the bed, side by side.

**A/N:** _So, how're you enjoying these lemons? Tart enough for you? Send in your reviews and I'll continue to deliver…_


	38. Welcome To The Emerald City

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The rest are just the twisted ramblings of my dark and warped brain._

Warning: _There might be just a hint of lime in this for you…_

Approx: _13 Pages/__ 5,303 Words_

**CHAPTER 38: WELCOME TO THE EMERALD CITY**

Edward and I arrived at the Hale's house twenty seven minutes late.

"Wow, you guys are cutting it close!" Ali sighed as we wandered down into the basement with smug smiles on our faces. I couldn't help but notice the way his fingers touched upon the dip in my back as he guided me down the stairs. My smile broadened at our little secret, as did his in response.

"Sorry Ali. I needed to…um…properly thank my boyfriend…on behalf of the band, of course."

We entered the room to find Jasper sitting on the couch with his hands over his eyes. "Is it safe? Are they dressed, for once?"

"For the record, we _were _in Bella's room when you all decided to stop by this morning. Sorry if I've given you an inferiority complex." Edward smirked.

Alice wandered behind the couch, wrapping her arms around Jasper defensively. "Oh, trust me Edward…my baby has _nothing _to feel inferior about." She kissed him on the cheek.

"That's right darlin', you tell 'em!" Jasper egged her on.

"Okay! Ew! Gross! That's my brother you're talking about!" Rosie gagged.

Emmet puffed out his chest as he wound his arm around Rosie's waist. "Aren't you going to brag about your man, baby?"

Ro looked aghast. "Emmet, Edward's already made his stand. Who am I to attempt to compare your twinkie to his foot long?" Em pouted as the rest of us burst out laughing.

"So, what's the game plan for tonight?" Emmet prompted to hide his inability to think of a good come back.

"Alice, were you able to get out of work?" I asked.

She placed the back of her hand against her forehead dramatically. "Oh, I feel sick! Cough, cough. It may be contagious. I shall have to call out of work for the night." She droned on in melodramatic, bad actress fashion. She feigned passing out on the couch, as she sprawled out across Jasper's lap.

"Oh no! I shall have to give her mouth to mouth!" He chimed in badly before kissing her and squeezing her boob.

She blushed and smacked his hand away. "Jasper! What are you doing?"

He cocked an eyebrow, pulling his lips up into a lopsided grin. "C.P.R.?" She shoved against his chest, laughing as she stood up.

"Man, I was naked in bed with my girlfriend and I still managed not to manhandle her in front of company, Jasper." Edward teased.

"Yeah, but if your girl were as hot as mine, you wouldn't have been able to resist." Jazz shot back.

I huffed indignantly. Edward pulled me possessively to his side. "I have too much respect for Bella _and _Alice to argue that point." Edward placed a chaste kiss upon my cheek.

"Oh! He's playing the gentlemen card! You just got burned, Jazz. NO ONE can beat the gentlemen card!" Emmet roared.

Jazz bowed his head in respect. "Touché Edward. I admit defeat…_until next time_." He quirked.

Edward dropped down into one of the bean bag chairs, pulling me down with him and tucking me into his side while the others settled onto the couch.

We spent the morning popping out different questions that the reporters might possibly ask, and then attempting to work out the best answers. It was decided that Edward would be included in the press conference to field any questions directly related to Bree. This would ensure that only accurate information was released and nothing would be said that was against her family's wishes.

Esme wandered out of her home office around one thirty to find six ravenous young adults raiding her kitchen. "Dear God, you're like Gremlins – you keep multiplying!" She joked, roughing up Jazz's thick blonde hair.

I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him over eagerly. "Momma Hale, this is my boyfriend Edward. Edward, this is Jasper and Rosalie's mom – and for all intensive purposes, my adoptive mother – Esme Hale."

He extended his hand to her politely. "I've heard so much about you. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Hale." Everyone started laughing.

"_Mrs. Hale…"_ Emmet mocked formally.

Esme smacked Edward's hand away, going in for a hug instead. "We don't shake hands here, Edward. We're huggers. And please feel free to call me Esme or Momma Hale so these nincompoops don't give you a hard time for having manners." She shot my friends a warning look and they quieted down to muted snickers. "Now, you keep our Bella happy and we're sure to be great friends."

He nodded his head and smiled. "That'll be my pleasure, Momma Hale."

Esme fixed us all coffee as everyone took turns bragging on Edward.

He kept his head down, attempting to hide the blush of his embarrassment as we went on and on. I probably should have told my friends to drop it because it was making him uncomfortable, but I was too busy gushing with pride myself.

"That's quite a feat you've accomplished, Edward." Esme admired. "Carlisle has wanted desperately to help them along, but he's had trouble juggling his profession with managing the band. They could use someone like you to really push them along."

Edward shook his head. "Oh no! I couldn't do that. I don't know the first thing about managing a band and besides, this is their baby, I wouldn't want to step on any toes…"

"Are you kidding me?" Ali admonished. "You've single-handedly accomplished more in a week than we've accomplished collectively in two years!"

"You do seem to have a head for business, Edward. You took what we all saw as a dramatic failure-" Jasper nodded at me, "-sorry Bella-", and turned back to Edward, "-and turned it into an epic opportunity. That's a work of genius."

Edward looked at me, plainly flabbergasted. Once again, my need to make him happy conflicted with my own selfish desires because the more I thought about it, the more I _liked_ the idea of Edward managing us. He was intelligent and savvy and creative. He could help us write songs and we could work together. More than anything, I liked the idea of having him be a pertinent part of my little gang. It was just another way to tie him into my life.

I tried to be as diplomatic as possible. "Edward, they have a good point. You have natural leadership, business and creative talent that we really need. Plus, you've learned a lot about law by working with Phil, so you have that on your side. But _none of us_…" I stressed this with a poignant look around the room, "…want to pressure you in to doing something your not comfortable doing. So, just think about it. You haven't decided when you were returning to the office with Phil yet, so at least this gives you another option to consider."

He rubbed his hand over my hip absentmindedly, contemplating.

Esme patted his shoulder in a motherly way. "You should talk to Carlisle about it, if you're interested. He could tell you about what it entails and what you should expect if you decide to do it."

"Thank you, Esme. I appreciate your confidence in me."

She smiled with a nod. "You're quite welcome, Edward. Now, if you'll excuse me, I should go back off to the dungeon to toil on my designs. This client is what you all would call a real bitch." Esme never cussed, so her use of the term had us all giggling like school children.

Alice insisted that Edward wear something that complimented the band, just in case the reporters wanted pictures, so he wandered off with the guys to raid Jazz's wardrobe while Ali and Ro kidnapped me for hair and make-up.

The girls were going for pink and black today. Rosie curled my hair and gave it some height like a subdued tribute to the eighties. Ali surprised me with a black bra and panty set with a matching garter belt. I had never used a garter belt before, so she helped me set them up with a pair of thigh high black fishnets. I slipped into the leather mini-skirt, a silver chain hanging crookedly off of my hips. She finished the outfit off with a pink, lace, see-through top and sexy pair of black sling backs with a small pink bow.

With everything that had been going on, it had been a while since I had truly felt like a rock star.

_It felt good._

Ali slipped into a black and pink checkered dress that was strapless, short and formfitting. She spiked her hair sharper than normal, using pink hair spray to tint the ends. Rosie was in pink pumps with tight, black leather pants and a neon pink halter top that revealed her pierced midsection.

We wandered down the stairway giddily to meet up with the guys in the living room. They stood up as we stepped into view, Emmet whistling appreciatively.

My heart stopped.

They had slicked Edward's hair back in an attempt to tame it, and he was in black jeans that hugged his long, lean legs and accentuated his tight ass. The charcoal gray shirt was tighter than he usually wore, gripping tightly to his biceps and clinging to his god-like body like a second skin. He borrowed a bad-ass pair of black boots that made me imagine that there was a Harley outside waiting for him to hop on.

_Holy fuck, there go my new panties!_

His eyes wandered over my outfit as well, lingering a little longer on the garter belt that peeked out from beneath my skirt. It reminded me of that first time in the bar, how I had been so incredibly conscious of the way his piercing green eyes had raked over my body. It was tantalizing to feel him that way without even touching.

Emmet ruined the moment by waving his hands in front of his face. "Dude, please do not get a boner tonight because those pants won't shield us from a damn thing."

Jasper threw his hands over his face crying out "_My eyes! My eyes!"_

I tried to laugh away the tension I was feeling, but it didn't work.

"Okay - girls in my Porsche and guys in the Jeep!" Ali bellowed to the best of her fairy abilities.

"Why?" Edward and I whined in unison.

"Dear God, they're in that mushy, we-can't-be-apart-for-two-seconds phase of the relationship." Rosie groaned.

"Because we need some time to catch up on girl talk-" Ali explained.

"That means they're going to talk about your skills in the sack." Emmet translated for Edward.

Al turned her dark glare on him before continuing. "-And because, as Emmet has so graciously pointed out, Edward appears to like your outfit and he can not afford to be so…um…_appreciative_ in front of the reporters."

Edward ran his fingers through his hair tensely, bringing back the disarray that I had grown to love.

"Okay, people! Let's move out!" The tiny dictator ordered as she marched for the door.

Edward and I hung back, letting the others go out ahead of us. "You are so wearing that outfit into the bedroom tonight." I whispered as we walked out together.

"Are you kidding me? I plan to tear that thing off of you with my teeth." He growled back.

_Yep, these panties are most thoroughly ruined._

I smacked him on his plump little ass. "_I look forward to seeing you later then, Tiger."_

His eyes burned as I glanced down at his crotch.

_Oh yeah, I definitely have to watch what I say and do in front of the reporters. Can't have Mr. Orgasmo showing up in the pictures while he talks about his deceased wife. That would just be so incredibly wrong._

Once inside the car, the girls immediately started pumping me about my relationship with Edward, just as Emmet had predicted. I hadn't realized how long it had been since we'd really had time to just talk. Come to think of it, I believe the last girl's night we had was that night Edward and I had phone sex.

_Could it really have been over two weeks ago?_

"Soooo, I didn't want to give Jasper a complex or anything, but having seen Edward in those jeans…_Holy hot damn, Bella!_" Alice chirped excitedly.

I beamed with pride whilst the monster stirred in the corner of my mind, popping one eye open warily.

"So, is he your Wizard of Oz fantasy come true or what Dorothy?" Rosie chimed from behind the steering wheel. Ali had let her drive so that she could focus on studying the subtle nuances of my expressions as we talked.

"You have no idea…" I sighed, "Orgasms, magical dick, heart of gold and all."

"What's he like?" Ali pried.

"He's wonderful, Ali! He's smart and creative and so incredibly giving and selfless-"

Al interrupted me. "Not_ that!"_

I furrowed my brows in confusion before Rosie clarified from the driver's seat. "What our little pixie friend here is trying to ask is if he fucks like an animal?"

Alice and I both gawked at her from the back seat. "Rosie!"

She shrugged passively. "What? It's not like we've never talked about our sex lives before."

"Correction, you talk about your sex life, Rosalie. Whenever I try to talk about my sex life, you start gagging, plug your ears and sing at the top of your lungs." Alice whined.

"Well he's my brother, Alice! What do you expect? That's just gross." She grimaced, shaking her head back and forth in disgust.

"I've never talked about the details of my sex life before. For one, there was never anything to talk about with James and you guys never wanted the details of Project Orgasm."

Alice pouted. "So…talk about it now! C'mon, give us the details!" Her eyes sparkled wickedly. "Is he all candle light and soft music and romance?" She sighed dreamily.

I could see Ro smirk in the rearview mirror. "Are you kidding me? With his whole polite, gentleman act, I bet he's a freak in the bed! Am I right? Probably neighing like a horse while he rides you doggie style?"

"_Fuck."_ I muttered, hiding my beet red face in my hands.

_Why am I getting so embarrassed? I'd gotten over this shyness after I left James – I had readily embraced my sexuality without humility or shame. So why can't I gossip with the girls?_

Because this isn't any one night stand and because the sex is never just sex with him.

"He's amazing. Sometimes…sometimes he's soft and sweet and tender. He's usually very, very generous – he almost always tends to my needs before his own. The first time we made love was during a thunderstorm, under a gazebo by a lake. It was the most spiritual thing I've ever experienced." Ali's doe eyes widened, reminding me of a Precious Moment's character.

"That is so romantic!" She sighed.

"Other times…it's this carnal need. He's like an animal – rough and demanding. Then there are times when he's playful and flirty and teasing. It's like he is whoever I need him to be at the time. He's just…_he's extraordinary_."

It was silent for a moment as my words sunk in.

"Wow sweetie…" Ali whispered in awe, "…you've got it _bad_."

"Damn, Dorothy…looks like you should patent those ruby slippers! We could make a fucking fortune!"

We pulled into the parking lot just as the day was beginning to fade. The tension I had been feeling had dissipated in the jovial, relaxed atmosphere of the Porsche, but one glimpse of Edward – now in a black leather jacket – jumping lithely out of the back of the Jeep and my panties were dripping once again.

_He moved like a damn panther! How can a man that tall and muscular move so agile and graceful?_

I imagined him stalking toward me, attacking me like his prey and I literally _swooned._

_I thought women only did that shit in classic movies?_

He laughed lightheartedly with the guys until he caught the way I was looking at him.

_Holy shit, they're right. I can see his every reaction in those damn jeans._

Not helping! Look away.

_Dear God, I can't! Look at that! Look at the way he's hardening just by me looking at him!_

"_Bella!" _Alice harped in my ear. "Jesus, would you please put your eyeballs back in their sockets! You've seen the man naked already – how can this possibly be that irresistible?

_I don't know…BUT IT IS!_

One look at my face and Ali knew it was a lost cause. "Okay, I'm taking you inside." She called out to the guys who were still about twenty feet away from us. "Boys? Would you please take Edward for a walk around the block or something? Feel free to hose him down if need be."

_Christ! Wet Edward? Soaking? Those drenched clothes possibly clinging even tighter to his remarkable body?_

"_Ugh!"_ I moaned, a pitiful, pleading look at Alice.

Her tiny face grew stern. "_No Bella_." As if she was correcting a puppy. "If you two are good and get through this night without embarrassing us or yourselves, I will spend the night with Jazz and you to can go at it like bunnies all over the apartment. But for now, you need to get your mind in the game. You're here for _us_ tonight, remember? _You promised."_

The reminder was sobering, as was the promise of my potential reward for good behavior. I bowed my head, ashamed of my silly behavior. "You're right, Alice. I'm sorry. I'll be good."

She perked up immediately, skipping towards the bar. I yelled out to her, "But if I make it through this night, I'm holding you to your promise!"

My mind wandered…_Edward taking me over the couch….on the kitchen counter…the dining room table…_

_This was going to be a long, frustrating evening._

Aro had set up two long folding tables across the stage, complete with seven folding chairs facing towards the audience. Although we had arrived early, various technicians from the media had already started setting up their own microphones along the edge of the table.

_This is bigger than I imagined._

I was suddenly a ball of nerves.

"This is so exciting!" Ali squealed privately to us. She latched on to our hands. "Just think, all of these people are here for us!"

_She wasn't helping._

Sure, I could sing and dance in front of a live audience. And yes, I had worked with the band to record cd's. But I couldn't hide behind the rock star façade here. This set up didn't allow for over the top theatrics, nor was there any rehearsal, memorization or second takes. Everything I said and did was about to be recorded, dissected and spewed back out without my having any control over it.

"Shit Alice! She's hyperventilating again!" Rosie warned.

"Let's get her into the dressing room before anyone else sees!" They dragged me back stage quickly, settling me down onto our little sofa as I gasped for air.

Ali sat down beside me with her hand on my knee as she repeated what Jasper had done for me previously. Ro dialed Em on her cell phone.

"Breathe in through your nose, Bella…"

"Babe, we need Jasper."

"…and out through your mouth…"

"I think Bella's having a panic attack."

"…in through your nose…"

"I don't know, Emmet! She's breathing funny and turning blue!" The panic in Rosie's voice made my chest squeeze even tighter.

"Bella! Ignore her and focus on my voice! Now breathe slowly out through your mouth…"

My lips were starting to tingle. _Holy fuck – it's not working!_ My head was spinning.

"Bella?" Edward barged into the room, swiftly sliding into the seat on my other side and pulling me up into his lap. He held my head against his chest, my ear over his frantic heart. "Match my heartbeat, baby. We'll slow it down together. Just feel the beat."

…_Ba-bum, Ba-bum, Ba-bum…_

"Good, now listen to my voice, Bella." Jasper oozed serenely, having replaced Alice by my side. "Take a deep breath in through your nose…"

…_Ba-bum, Ba-bum, Ba-bum…_

"…and let it go slowly out through your mouth…"

…_Ba-bum, Ba-bum, Ba-bum…_

"…deeply in through your nose…"

…_Ba-bum…Ba-bum …_

"…and out through your mouth…"

…_Ba-bum…Ba-bum …_

"…in…"

…_Ba-bum…_

"…and out…"

…_Ba-bum…_

Finally, my chest stopped aching as I regained my self control.

Edward rubbed his hand up and down over my arm. "What's the matter, baby? What happened?"

I looked up into his face, green eyes filled with worry and love.

"I can't do this. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I mess it all up again?"

Ali kneeled beside me on the floor, slipping her hand into mine.

"Bella, there's nothing to be worried about." Edward caressed my cheek. "First of all, you're going to be wonderful. They came here because they are impressed by what you did. Don't you get it? They're already your fans. All you have to do is be yourself and they won't be able to stop themselves from falling in love with you."

"Besides, Bella." Ali continued. "You're not in this alone. With Edward and Aro, there will be seven of us up there. You'll hardly have a chance to get a word in edgewise."

"And with my Rosie _rocking_ this outfit, they'll hardly be looking at you anyway!" Emmet teased, coming up behind Rosalie to wrap his arms around her naked midsection.

He was a pain in the ass, but he always knew how to make me laugh when I needed it most.

Edward tilted my head so that I was looking back into his eyes. "Better?"

I drew in another cleansing breath. "Better."

"Good." He kissed me quickly. "Now, if you don't mind, I think you should get off my lap because this outfit it becoming quite distracting and I need to be able to walk out there in a few minutes." He gave me that crooked little grin and I immediately felt the same.

I headed out onto the stage with the band while Aro snuck into the dressing room to work out some last minute details with Edward. Ali arranged the seating how she saw best, which kept me as far away from Edward as possible, lest I be distracted in front of the cameras. Instead, she placed me on one end of the table beside a seat reserved for Aro, and assigned Jasper the seat beside me to help keep me calm. I didn't argue – for the sake of public appearance, we had to maintain the façade that Edward was Bree's widow. It wouldn't be prudent for me to rely on his look and touch to calm my nerves right now.

Instead, I relied on the fact that I was surrounded by people who loved and cared for me, even though I broke down on a regular basis. No matter what, we'd get through this together.

There were far more reporters than I expected. There were two associates from different online news sources; one from and another from . Most impressively were the numerous reporters who traveled out from Seattle – most notably reporters from The Stranger and King5 News. There were at least four other reporters from sources I had never even heard of before. If I hadn't been so nervous, I would have been jumping for joy that our publicity was going to be so wide spread.

A couple of minutes later, Aro slipped into the end seat beside me as Edward took his seat at the opposite end.

_And so began the public version of our story._

I hadn't realized it, but Edward brought props to further illustrate our dedication to our number one fan. As he talked about the night at the Battle of the Bands, he passed around a copy of the picture with our band squeezed all around the ecstatic brunette. When the reporters asked how we became involved in Bree's death, Edward explained how he had come to get her cd signed, and passed around the little jewel case with all of our signatures.

He explained how I had personally come to deliver the signed cd with a bouquet of flowers, and went on to detail how I had spent many days beside her bedside – even going as far as to cook and bring them food.

Without the back story – without knowing that I had fallen madly in love with the dying woman's husband – I could see how the picture he painted would work in our favor.

The more he described me to be this generous, selfless savior, the more I felt like a fraud. I was none of those things. I had been a horny, desperate woman who had taken advantage of a guy during his weakest moment.

His story was so far removed from the truth that it would be comical, if it wasn't so sickening.

I bit my tongue and let him tell the story only because I knew that he believed every word he said and because the band needed this. But the more he sang my praises, the more I loathed myself for _not_ being that girl.

I kept my mouth shut, afraid that I would betray the pretty picture if I attempted to speak. Instead, I let everyone else respond to the multitude of questions that were asked. It wasn't until one blonde aimed her question directly at me that I risked speaking. Thankfully, it was an easy question that I was more than glad to answer.

"What made you choose to go visit Mrs. Cullen? I mean, what did you have to gain from this experience, Miss Swan?"

She was clearly trying to insinuate that it was a publicity stunt, but I didn't mind because I knew the truth, and I would communicate that truth to the very best of my ability.

"I chose to visit Bree because of her husband. The depth of his love and sorrow moved me. He gave me the opportunity to do something, no matter how very small, to improve her circumstances and I was driven to do whatever it was in my power to do. It felt like we were kindred spirits.

"As any artist will tell you, I'm sure, our music is very important to us. When you find someone who cherishes the time, heart and soul you've put into your work, there's an instant connection. I went that first day wanting a chance to establish that connection in person.

"However, her family was confident that my presence was beneficial to her. They cited the subtle improvement in her statistics when I was in the room. Their faith made me want to believe.

"What I had to gain from the experience far supersedes what I gave. You see, Bree gave me a new appreciation for how precious and short life is and in the short time that I knew her and got to hear stories about her life, I came to think of her as my friend. Mr. and Mrs. Tanner taught me to be optimistic, warm, kind and understanding, even in the darkest of times. And Mr. Cullen has taught me the overwhelming power of love, friendship and sacrifice. I didn't believe any of that was possible until I saw the things he went out of his way to do for Bree. These extraordinary people, along with my band mates, have taught me that there is much more to life. So you see, the real story here is not at all what I did for them, but what they did for me."

As I told my side of the story, I had forgotten the microphones and tape recorders and flashing lights. I was pleased by how true the words rang in my ears, and although I doubted that they would listen, I had done the best I could to give credit where it was rightfully due.

Satisfied with my response, they went into a few more band related questions, asking about our songs and inspiration, who established our look, how long we'd been together and our plans for the future. Jasper informed the press that we had four record labels that had expressed an interest in signing us and that we would be arranging a follow up performance with them soon.

With the bar opening in only a half an hour, Aro took one last question before thanking everyone and telling them that he hoped they would all stick around for drinks, promising the first one on the house.

Emmet was interested in sticking around for a while, until he learned that the offer for a free drink was not extended to those of us not with the media. Meanwhile, I convinced Ali and Rose that there was no way in hell I would be able to drink and still refrain from ripping Edward's clothes off. With that thought in their minds, they convinced the guys that we needed to go.

Ali enforced the gender segregation once again on the way home. Not wanting to ruin my chances for a night alone with Edward, I pouted and stomped off to the Porsche instead of arguing with her. I climbed into the back seat in a huff. Ali slipped behind the driver's seat a moment later with a wicked gleam in her eye.

"You'll thank me later, you know?" She asked as Rosie took the passenger seat.

"Thank you for what?" Ro inquired.

"She's throwing a hissy fit because I wouldn't let her ride with Edward on the way home." Ali explained with a smirk.

"I'm throwing a hissy fit because you're doing it just to be spiteful. At least before, you had a good reason." I whined.

Ali chuckled darkly. "Oh, Bella…I have a very good reason…you just don't see it yet."

I was not amused. "Well then, Yoda, why don't you share your wisdom with me?"

"Rosalie, do you care to explain to our newly-in-love friend what happens the first time you are forced to spend any length of time away from your boyfriend?" Al's smile broadened as she stared ahead at the road, only sparing a quick glance at me in the rear view mirror.

Ro clapped her hands excitedly, spinning around in the seat to look at me over the head rest. "Oh! This is gonna be great! Okay, you know how you've wanted to rip his clothes off of him since you first saw him in the living room?"

"Duh!" I responded. "Get to the point." I was getting terribly frustrated.

"Well, Dorothy, judging by your bitch factor, I'm going to venture to say that the frustration has only gotten worse for you in the past three hours." She grinned sadistically.

"_No shit, Sherlock."_ I stabbed. Okay, maybe I was over playing the bitch card, but you can only walk around in wet panties for so long before you go stark-raving mad.

"So how do you think that's going for him?" She cocked her eyebrow, willing me to follow along.

_If he's as bad as I am, he's struggling with a major hard on right now in a skin tight pair of jeans, riding down a bumpy road in a Jeep with a couple of knuckle heads._

_Holy Shit! He must be going crazy!_

Ali caught the light bulb going off over my head in the rearview mirror. "Aaaaah, she finally gets it!"

Rosie continued. "When he finally gets his hands on you, the man you thought you knew will be a _sex-crazed beast_ and, I promise you, the sex will be_ life changing."_

"_Not helping, Rose!"_ I gritted through my teeth, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

She shrugged, turning back around to face the front. "Just telling you how it is, Dorothy. Welcome to the Emerald City."

**A/N:**_ Oooooh, you're in trouble! The Volturi are loving the lemons and limes, but my Smut Dealer is not happy with the lack of reviews and this time, she's sending the Volturi after you! Quick! Hit the review button and save yourselves! You've been warned!_


	39. We Have All Night

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I was an innocent, naive little girl before my Beta talked me in to writing the rest of it!_

Warning: _Lemon! Lemon! Lemon!_

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,485 Words_

**CHAPTER 39: WE HAVE ALL NIGHT**

Alice giggled mischievously. "_Ooooooh, you know what will make it even better_?"

I sat forward between the seats, anxious in spite of myself. "What?"

"Have you two ever sexted?"

Rosie slapped her hand on her knee as she cracked up laughing. "That's brilliant, Ali! We still have at least forty five minutes before we get home. If we play our cards right, this could be an excellent night for _all _of us!" She turned back around in her seat. "So, have you ever done it before?"

I bit my lip, feeling the questionable blush creep onto my face. "Well, we tried phone sex once."

"And how was that?" Ali glanced at me through the mirror.

I giggled, remembering how wonderful that night had been. "_Holy crap, it was fuckawesome!"_

"Oh, we are _so_ doing this!" Rosie laughed excitedly.

"It's not fair! I'm driving so I can't play along!" Ali pouted.

Ro rolled her eyes and huffed. "_Fuck. _Fine, where's your phone…I'll help you…" She groaned as she started digging in Ali's purse.

"What if he sends her a picture, Rosie?" I asked.

She dropped the phone back into the purse as if it would cause blindness. I laughed and held my hand out. "Give it to me, I'll do it."

With all three cell phones out, I started getting excited. "So, what do we do first?"

"Why don't we start with a picture…something simple." I handed Ali's phone to Rosie so she could take a photo of Ali blowing a kiss. I giggled as I took a photo of Rosie sucking seductively on her finger, then Rosie took a picture of me looking flirty while biting my lip.

We laughed giddily as the photos transmitted. Surprisingly, Rosie got her reply first. "What are you trying to do to me? I'm driving!" Emmet wrote.

I got nervous when Jasper replied with a photo, but luckily, it was just a picture of him blowing a kiss back to her.

I read Edward's text out loud. "You don't know what it does to me when you chew on that sweet little lip of yours…"

"Ding-ding-ding!" Rosalie chimed. "We have a winner!" I could feel my face flush with heat – both in response to his words and my embarrassment. "You may not know what you're doing, Bella, but your guy's a natural!"

Suddenly, I started typing as I knew exactly what my response was going to be. Ro started bouncing in her seat. "Oh! Oh! Oh! What are you writing?"

I spoke as I typed. "_Oh…really?...Why…don't…you…tell…me…baby?"_

Ali snorted. "Oh, she's good!"

"What do you want to do, Al?" I asked, trying to get the spotlight off of me.

"Well, guess I'll just stick to the pictures. What if I do that finger sucking thing like Rosie did?"

Ali did her own little sex-kitten pose while Rosie snapped the picture and sent it.

"My dumb ass boyfriend didn't give me very much to work with, did he?" Rosie sneered. Then her face lit up as she pulled out her top and took a photo of her cleavage. "That should do nicely!"

My phone chirped with Edward's response. It was a picture of his erection straining against the tight black denim. "_Holy shit._" I moaned.

"What did he say?" Rosie peeked over the back of her seat.

I shook my head and pulled the phone back. "He didn't _say_ anything."

Jazz responded with a photo of his sly little lopsided grin.

Rosalie laughed when she got her response. "What did he do now?" I asked.

"All he wrote was "Fuck, woman!'" We all laughed at Em's response. "Well I really got the pick of the litter, didn't I?" She joked.

While Rosalie was distracted taking a picture of Ali teasing the top of her dress with her finger, I texted Edward with my response. "Your picture makes my mouth water…"

Ro took a picture of her fingers sliding just inside the waistband of her pants.

Jasper's response came first. This time, along with a picture of his smirk and cocked eyebrow, were the words "I like."

We laughed again when Emmet just replied "More!"

Edward's reply made my heart race. "Do you know what I want to do with that beautiful, wet mouth of yours?"

With the girls getting caught up in their own conversations, I kept my reply private. "I know what my greedy, wet mouth wants to do to you. Why don't you share your ideas?"

Ali took a close-up of her hand on her thigh, pulling up slightly on the edge of her dress. Per her request, I sent it to Jazz with the words "Imagining your hand…"

Ro handed me her phone and contorted in the front seat so that her ass was up in the air and she was looking back over her shoulder. I laughed at her brazenness as I snapped the picture.

I whipped my phone out excitedly when Edward's response came. "I haven't decided yet. Part of me just wants you to wrap those pretty little lips around my cock and suck me down into your throat like only you can…" My breath quickened as my phone chirped with a second response. "…but the other part of me loves the way you scream my name and talk dirty as I make you cum. It would be such a waste to muffle those wonderful sounds…"

_I think this idea is backfiring terribly. I'm supposed to be turning him on and instead, he's working me up into a fucking frenzy!_

"Oh my God, Bella! Are you okay? Ali questioned as she peeked into the mirror. "Your face is really flushed!"

I just nodded, unable to form words.

"Damn, he must be really fucking good. All Emmet just wrote to me was 'Fuck yeah.'" Rosie rolled her eyes.

Ali was getting anxious. "What did Jasper say?"

I pulled out her phone to check his last response. "He said 'Where else are you imagining my hands?'"

I handed the phone back to Rosie to take a picture of Ali's hand wandering up the inside of her parted thighs.

As Rosie busied herself taking her own photograph, I tried to sneak my phone between my knees, taking a photo of my soaked panties. It felt so dirty and taboo, and worrying whether or not the girls would notice was quite exhilarating. I sent the photo to Edward with the words "...So wet for you…"

"You just got another response from Jazz." I warned as I pulled her phone out.

"Oh! What did he say?" She squealed.

I blushed knowing that I would have to read his private words out loud. "You're so beautiful. Can't wait to get home and make love to you."

She pouted. "Awww…he's so wonderful!"

"Ugh." Rosie wretched. "Well, at least Emmet's getting the hang of it."

"Why, what did he say?"

"'_I'm gonna fuck you so hard when we get home.'_ Not the most eloquent, romantic bastard, is he?" She quipped.

My phone chirped. Edward wrote "I can't wait to rip those panties off of you. I can already feel your warm, sweet body wrapped around mine…"

"Al, can you _please_ drive faster?" I yelled at her.

I felt the car accelerate slightly. "Okay, but please don't climax on my seats. They're Italian leather!" She winced at the thought.

"I want it hard, fast and rough, Edward. Show me how bad you want me." I typed.

"You know, it's not nice to string me along like this, Bella. You're being awfully naughty tonight. I may need to discipline you." My skin tingled anxiously.

"Can't wait to see what you have in store for me, Mr. Cullen. I think I could stand to learn a lesson or two." I teased.

"I'm not sure your roommate would appreciate the things I'd like to do to you right now."

"Good thing my roommate won't be home tonight, then." I suggested.

Once we pulled into the Hale's driveway, I climbed out of the Porsche just as Edward sinuously jumped over the edge of the Jeep and prowled over to me. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's been fun but if you'll excuse me, I need to get my girlfriend home." With that, he literally picked me up, slung me over his shoulder like a Neanderthal and stalked off to the Volvo.

I could hear my friends laughing and whistling in the background as he used the remote to unlock the door, nearly tore the door off the hinges and dropped me unceremoniously inside. His eyes were black as night. "Do not fucking touch me until we get to your apartment." He growled as he started to shut the door. He pulled it back open, leaning in cheek to cheek "And don't even _think_ about touching yourself, either. I want you wet and ready the moment I get you inside." His tongue darted quickly inside my ear. "Do you understand me, Bella?"

I swallowed, my eyes widening to the size of saucers as shivers tingled up my arms and down my spine. "Yes, Edward." I choked in an unrecognizable, husky voice as he closed the door.

The ride back to the apartment was silent aside from our heavy breathing and the purr of the engine. I had one hand on the door and the other on the console, attempting to respect his no touching rule.

"So you want it hard, baby?" His gravel rumbled in my ears.

"_Yes." _I moaned.

He cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips as he stared straight ahead at the pavement. "_And_ rough?"

His voice was rubbing my frayed nerves raw. I squeezed my thighs together. "_Yes Edward."_

"Legs apart, Bella." He ordered calmly. "I see what you're trying to do, and I can't have that. You see, you've managed to get me quite worked up, and I just don't think it would be fair for you to start without me. So spread your knees." I parted my legs slightly. "Oh, Bella…I _know_ you can do better than that. Open them up all the way for me." Once I spread my legs as far as the confined space of the passenger seat would allow, he inhaled deeply and licked his lips. "_My God, you smell good." _He groaned, his voice oozing liquid sex. My center literally trembled in anticipation.

I was confused when he started adjusting the air vents and fiddling with the thermostat, but suddenly, a brisk, cool breeze blew up my leather skirt against my wet, lace covered pussy. I shivered as my head pushed backwards against the head rest and my fingers clawed at the console.

"Enjoy that, my dear, because that's all you're getting till I get you home." He purred.

I sat there, my hands and legs restrained by his pure will; burning with desire and loving every minute of the exquisite torture.

"Okay Bella, we're almost there. I want you to grab your purse and pull out your keys. You have a terrible habit of making me wait while you unlock your door and I'm not feeling very patient right now."

I dug in my purse, my fingers quickly landing on the smooth metal key ring. Edward extended his palm as I fished the keys out. Instead of placing them into his hand as he expected, I sucked his middle finger into my mouth. He inhaled through clenched teeth. "That's not nice, Bella. You're going to have to pay for that." I scraped my teeth along his finger as I backed away, resuming my restrained position in the passenger seat.

As he pulled into the parking spot beside my truck, he turned to me – appearing calm, cool and collected apart from the molten lust in his eyes. "Okay, Bella. No matter what happens, I want you to act nonchalant as we walk to the apartment, and I want you to unlock the door as quickly as possible. Can you do that?" I nodded. "Good. I'll get your door for you."

I waited patiently as he came around to the passenger side, but as he helped me out of the car, he knocked my purse out of my hand onto the wet asphalt. "Oh, I'm sorry." He crooned. "Let me get that for you."

He knelt down in front of me, snatching my purse in one hand as his other hand wandered from my ankle, up to my knee and along the inside of my thigh. I thought my legs were going to give out when his finger lightly traced my lips through the dripping cloth. I closed my eyes and threw my head back, feeling him rise up beside me. He placed my purse back into my hands. "What's the matter, Bella? Can't keep it together?"

My heated gaze was meant to burn through him, but he simply smiled cockily, closing the passenger door and placing his hand on the small of my back to guide me towards the apartment.

I had the house key ready until he blew in my ear, when the pleasant, unexpected sensation caused me to drop the keys on the front steps. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, Bella…you're taking too long."

I bent down to retrieve the keys, his hand sliding over my ass, up under my skirt and between my thighs as I stood back up.

"_Ooooooh…" _I moaned as his fingers slid inside the crotch of my panties and began spreading the wetness over my folds.

"Better find the house key, Bella. I'm waiting…" He teased as his fingers continued to venture deeper into my slit.

The keys jangled as I struggled to identify the right one and slide it into the lock. "Act casual, baby…don't want the neighbors thinking we're some kind of freaks…" Every passing second his touch became more heated, causing me to lose control over my body. I turned the key inside the lock just as his finger flicked over my clit, causing me to gasp audibly. He pushed me into the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

I backed against the door, grabbing roughly onto his leather jacket and pulling him to me as he quickly unfastened his belt and jeans. A second later, he pulled my skirt up over my hips and tugged on my panties, ripping them right off from beneath the garter belt. He thrust into me savagely, the door rattling behind us as he pushed into me again and again. We groaned loudly against each other's mouths, feasting hungrily on each other's tongues and lips, his belt buckle and the buckles on the jacket clanking with the exertion. His hand slid up under my shirt, pulling my bra down so that my tits were exposed over the cups. He sucked on my nipples through the pink lace as he continued to ram his cock deep within me. "_Yes!"_ I cried. _"Fuck me, Edward! Fuck me harder!" _My body clenched around him as the first wave of pleasure crashed over me.

I could see in his eyes that his hunger for me was not in the least bit satisfied. I clawed at his jacket, feebly slipping it off his shoulders and pulling it awkwardly down his strong arms. He yanked off that clinging, charcoal gray shirt and I lunged at him, biting down on his nipple.

"_Shit!" _He roared in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

"You've been a dirty girl, Bella."He husked, leading me on wobbly legs over to the couch. He turned me around so that I was facing the wall and came up behind me, sliding his hand down between my legs once again and coaxing his fingers against my slit. "_How would you like me to discipline you?"_

"_Spank me."_ I pleaded, astounded by the desperate words coming out of my mouth. He placed his hand between my shoulder blades and pushed forward, bending me over so that I could reach out and grip the back of the couch. He sheathed his entire length inside of me, rocking his hips against me as his palm rubbed against my ass.

"How bad have you been, Bella?"I squeezed my thighs together, making myself feel even tighter as he set a steady rhythm.

"_I've been very bad, Mr. Cullen…"_ I cooed. He growled in response.

"Tell me what you've done, Bella. What am I spanking you for?" My tits swayed with his pulsing thrusts, my stiffened nipples rubbing erotically back and forth across the wet lace of my top.

"_I've been a cocktease, Mr. Cullen – I've dressed like a slut…" _He swatted my ass lightly._ "… paraded around in front of you to turn you on… " _His hand came down against my ass again, only a little harder._ "…and then made you wait to fuck me." _His hand came down just hard enough to make a light smacking sound. I puckered my mouth and then bit my lip with delight.

"Anything else?"

"_I sent you dirty pictures and texts so that my friends could see how hard I could make you…" _He rammed his dick deep inside me as his hand came down against my cheek.

"_I squeezed my legs together when you told me I couldn't touch myself." _I could feel the heat spreading as his hand connected with me once again, each smack infinitesimally harder than the last.

"_I sucked your long, slender finger into my mouth and I loved every minute of it…" _My ass was stinging faintly as he pounded into me deliciously, the cold metal of his belt buckle brushing up against my hip with every stroke.

"_I took too long opening the door and I moaned outside where the neighbors could hear me…" _I hadn't realized, but each confession was louder and breathier than the last as his thrusts grew more impatient with each spanking.

"_And I bit your nipple!" _I yelled as his hand came down hard on my ass. "_I've been such a dirty, naughty girl Mr. Cullen! Give it to me! Fuck me harder! Fill me with your cock!"_

He rammed into me without abandon, his dick pushing and pulling against my slick walls as he tore himself in and out over and over again. I had my legs closed, my thighs clenched tightly together making for the best fuck I'd ever had.

"_Shit Bella! You're so fucking deep and tight and hot and wet! I can't take it!"_

"_You like fucking my tight little pussy, Mr. Cullen?" _I licked my own shoulder as I turned my head to look back at him.

"_Yes, Bella! Fuck yes! You feel so fucking good! I can't take it anymore, I'm gonna cum, baby!"_

"_Yes, Edward! I want to feel you cum inside me! Give it to me. I want to feel you so bad! Cum now Edward! Now!"_

I felt his warm release inside of me as delicious tremors racked my body. He wrapped his arms around my waist, clinging to me like a life saver in a vast ocean of sexual pleasure. I focused on his hot breath against my back as my climax waxed and waned.

He spun around, flopping down onto the couch while pulling me into his lap.

"Wow…I didn't know I had that in me." I confessed, struggling to control my breathing.

He brushed the sweaty hair out of my face. "Me neither. Wanting you does crazy things to me…I don't even recognize myself sometimes." He continued gasping as he caressed my ass cheek. "I'm so sorry, baby. Did I hurt you? I don't know what came over me…"

I blushed. "You didn't hurt me…I…" I swallowed, my voice dropping to a whisper. "….I…_liked it…"_

_What the hell was wrong with me? When did I become a fucking sexual deviant?_

"Really?" He cocked an eyebrow in sincere interest, one corner of his mouth pulling up into a charming, crooked grin.

Fire flushed through my cheeks as embarrassment flooded through me. I nodded, casting my eyes down, feeling too shy to look into his face.

He gripped my chin between his finger and thumb, nudging my face upwards so that I was looking at him. "Don't be shy or embarrassed, baby. I don't want us to do anything to or with each other that we can't even talk about. I didn't mean to make you feel bad, it's just…I've never had any desire to do that before. It was like I was possessed…once I realized what I did, I was worried how you'd react. But knowing that you liked it as much as I did…well…that just makes it…kind of…_hot."_

We laughed, the sexual tension resolved for the immediate moment at hand. "I thought you couldn't wait to get me out of these clothes." I ran my thumb over his lips, pulling his bottom lip down slightly so that I could feel the wetness inside.

He shrugged. "Couldn't wait."

"That's okay." I sucked on his bottom lip. "We have all night…"

**A/N:**_ The Volturi is on your street, walking towards your door! I'm sorry, I've tried to stop them by pelting them with lemons, but I can't do anymore…you have to save yourselves!_

_Stop what you are doing right this instant and hit the review button! It's the only thing that will make them stop! AAAAAAAAAAH!_


	40. Herald

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. Although I wrote everything else, I blame my Beta for encouraging me to do so. What can I say, she's a bad influence._

Warning: _Lemon Squeeze!_

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,195 Words_

**CHAPTER 40: "HERALD"**

It took us five hours, four different positions and seven collective orgasms before we were fully undressed and passed out in bed. I woke up just as the first light of day streaked in through my window, my racing thoughts selfishly preventing my aching body from getting the rest it so deserved.

My mind kept replaying yesterday's press conference. We made me out to be this saint; this singer who gave up her big chance for fame to stay beside her number one fan. That's not what it was.

_I'm not the selfless person we made me out to be._

The truth of what really happened sounds so bad in comparison that it makes me feel sick. I went there as a mistress to apologize to a wife, not as some rock star comforting a fan. I stayed because I was chasing after a man who should have been off limits.

_Yes, I came to think of Bree as my friend and I've come to love Renee and Phil_…but before that, I stayed because I wanted _him_. All the while, I sat in that room and lusted after him; wanted so very, very bad to touch him and hold him and kiss him with his dying friend only a few feet away from me.

It was sick and twisted, but his reassurance had helped me learn to live with it. But to go out there and let them all tell these reporters that I'm this wonderful, generous, giving person…it was starting to eat at me. For one, there's the guilt. And two, there's the worry of what will happen if the truth ever gets out. I'll look twice as despicable for having misrepresented myself.

The sun's tentacles stretched out across our room, slowly creeping across Edward's serene, chiseled features. I stared at the ceiling as the warmth reached out to my face, caressing my cheek bone. Edward stirred beside me, his arm tensing against my stomach as his hand rubbed mindlessly back and forth over my hip bone.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He yawned.

My lips pulled up to the side. "It's too early for thinking."

He dipped his head, kissing my ribs sweetly and mumbled, "I thoroughly agree", before pulling himself closer and resting his head on my stomach. "So why aren't your big, brown eyes closed and dreaming about me?"

Instead of answering, I ran my fingers through his hair, loving the silky thickness of it. He rolled over onto his stomach, clasping his fingers across my body and resting his chin on his hands to look up at me over my breasts. "What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

After our wonderful night of love making, I really didn't want to start the day off on a bad note, but I didn't know if I could lie convincingly either. "There are still so many things I don't like about myself. So many things that I wish I'd done differently. I just want so badly to feel that I'm worthy of you."

He laughed gently. "Bella, you are utterly absurd. When will you ever see yourself clearly?"

I smiled at his warm, devoted expression, playing absentmindedly with a lock of his hair. "I love the way you love me, Edward."

He parted his hands, dipping his head to kiss me over the ribs once again. "Just as I love loving you."

"I'm going to hop into the shower." I ran both of my hands through his hair, smoothing it back from his face. "Care to join me?"

He smiled lazily. "As tempting as that sounds, there's something else I want to do for you."

My eyes lit up. "Oh! What is it?"

He smirked. "I'm not telling, so get your ass in the shower so I can surprise you!" He swatted me playfully before climbing off of me, slipping into the white pajama bottoms he packed and wandering out of the bedroom.

I didn't realize I'd been humming until I stepped into the warm shower spray. Better yet, I was humming a tune I'd never heard before.

As the melody played on in my mind, words effortlessly laced in with the notes, a full bodied song mingling with the steam that filled the small room.

_It's a love song._

_I've just…written…a love song!_

I turned the water off abruptly, wrapped my robe haphazardly around my body and bolted for the bedroom. I tapped my foot impatiently as my laptop powered on, worried that I might forget the words that were now pouring from my subconscious. I chewed on my lip nervously, my fingers tapping on the keys – willing the damned thing to life. The screen went blue and then flashed the Microsoft Windows logo with that familiar little tune.

It took another agonizing minute for my Word program to fully load, but once I was in, my fingers blurred over the keyboard, struggling to keep up with my mind. I took a deep breath when the entire song, including special notes on the arrangement, was typed and saved in a matter of five minutes.

All of this time, the band had asked me for a love song that I had been unable to deliver. My mind had been so filled with hurt and skepticism and suspicion and doubt and heartache that words of hope and faith and love were beyond me.

_Edward Cullen had changed that._

_Once again, he was the magical key to my happiness._

I skipped out to the living room, looking for him, needing to hold him and tell him how very much I loved him. My heart skipped a beat when I spotted him in the kitchen, skillfully flipping flapjacks on the griddle.

"Delicious…." I hissed as I stalked up.

He grinned proudly over his shoulder at me. "You like pancakes?"

I ran my hands over his hips, sliding them around his stomach and easing my fingers beneath his waistband. "Yes, I do…" My fingers wandered down, appreciating his body's response as I traced down his length. "…but I was talking about this." He seethed and threw his head back at my unexpected advances.

I was drunk on the power I had over his body, but I didn't remain in power long. A second later, Edward had spun around, lifted me up and sat me down on the opposite counter. Before I even knew what happened, my legs were splayed wide, leaving me his for the taking. His pelvis crushed against mine as he plowed into me passionately.

He clawed at my robe, ripping it wide open as he devoured my breasts. My fingers wound into his hair, pulling on it roughly as I held his euphoric mouth against my heaving chest.

"Yes, Edward! Yes!" I cried out as he plundered my body greedily. My right hand remained tangled in his beautiful locks as my left hand reached out, grabbing vainly to steady myself. I threw my head back, clenching my eyes, focusing all of my energy on the points where are bodies touched.

He brought me to the edge and held me there, slowing his thrusts, leaving me dangling over the abyss.

"Look at me, Bella." I had lost control over my body, struggling to will my head forward and my eyes open. "I want to look into your eyes, baby. I want to watch your face this time. Look at me."

I opened my eyes, staring straight into his emerald green gaze. "I love you, Bella. More than words. More than life."

"More than words. More than life." I repeated, a promise of all the things that I could not figure out how to tell him.

He began pulsing into me once again, quickening the pace as we stared longingly into each other's eyes. We fell apart in each other's arms, our spirits dancing among the love, lust, passion, smoke and…

"_Smoke!"_ I shouted as I looked over Edward's shoulder.

"Oh no! The pancakes!" Edward darted over to the stove where three blackened pancakes had become permanently adhered to the griddle.

Edward took the spatula and began hacking away at the burnt discs, cursing under his breath. I pulled my robe closed and knotted the sash as I broke out in a fit of giggles, hopping down from the counter to inspect the damage.

"Oh, you think this is funny, do you?" He cocked an eyebrow at me, daringly.

"I do indeed!" I snorted, erupting into another fit of giggles.

Before I could react, he turned the faucet on and aimed the sprayer at me.

"Edward! Stop! No! You're getting me wet!" I shrieked.

He was roaring with laughter. "Oh, this is no time for dirty talk, baby!"

I lunged for the sprayer, struggling to turn the gun on him. Luckily, his hands had become wet, making it difficult for him to maintain his grip on the slick handle. I grabbed the top of the sprayer, spinning it around and keeping his finger on the trigger so that he was now drenching himself.

"Ha ha!" I yelled in triumph.

He spluttered, trying to step away from the constant stream of water, stepping right into the puddle that was forming beneath our feet. My big man went down hard, tripping me up in the process and ripping the sprayer right out of the faucet.

"Holy shit!" I yelled as water started to spurt upwards from the open hole like a geyser.

I tried to jump up to shut the water off, only to slip in the ever growing lake in the middle of the kitchen and fall back down again.

Edward was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his blood red face.

Seeing him like that made me so happy that I laughed despite myself. "You could help me out here, you know?" I teased, splashing the water at him.

He wiped at his eyes and extended his hand to help me steady myself as I stood up. I finally managed to hobble over to the sink and shut off the water, turning around to take stock of the damages.

Edward was absolutely soaked, sitting in a pool of his own making. The entire counter area by the sink was drenched, including a loaf of bread, a roll of paper towels, yesterday's paper, the backsplash and the cabinetry overhead. To add to the chaos, the apartment wreaked of charred pancakes.

I slid off my drenched robe, reached into one of the drawers and pulled out a dish towel to dry myself off as much as possible so that I wouldn't drip water throughout the apartment. I ran into the bedroom quickly to pull on some boxers and a t-shirt in case Ali came home and then loaded as many towels into my arms as possible.

Edward had managed to get himself up off of the floor and was scraping the remnants of the pancakes into the garbage when I returned. I laughed again at the pitiful sight before me. He cocked a crooked little grin, reminding me of a boy who gets caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do.

He tossed the griddle in the sink and waded over to take the towels from me, focusing on mopping up the floor. Meanwhile, I stepped into the pool carefully, focusing my attention on the counter, walls and cabinets. Ten minutes later, every bath towel we owned was sopping wet and piled into the damaged sink.

With the kitchen dry, I pulled out another dish towel and proceeded to dry Edward off to the best of my ability. Sure, he could have done it himself, but he seemed to be enjoying me doting on him, even bending down so that I could ruffle the towel through his hair. Once he seemed decently dry, I held my hand out to him expectantly.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"Your pants?" I answered, as if it should be obvious.

"_What_?" He repeated.

"Your pants are drenched, Edward. You can't walk around the house like that, so I'd prefer you take them off here so that you don't drip all over the carpet on your way to the bedroom." I explained for my rather dense boyfriend.

"_Suuuuuuure, baby._ If you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask." He smirked cockily at me, humming a striptease as he slipped his pants off, picked them up and dropped them onto the pile of wet towels.

I wound up the dish towel I was holding and snapped it at his ass, enjoying the popping sound it made as he jumped. "You vicious, vicious woman!" He charged, tickling me as I shrank back into another fit of giggles. "You're evil incarnate! I've fallen for the wife of Beelzebub!" He ranted as his fingers poked and prodded at my ribs and stomach, causing me to double over in laughter.

"Edward! Stop! I'm gonna pee myself and we don't have any more towels! _Pleeeeeeeeease!_" I begged, my cheeks hurting as I gasped for air.

He hugged me, kissing me on my cheek and nuzzled his nose into my hair. "God, I love you woman!"

I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing as tightly as I could. "I love you more."

He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away so that he could look into my face. "I'm sorry, but I don't see how that's possible, my love." He kissed me quickly on the tip of the nose before strolling off.

Jasper entered the living room just as Edward's fine, naked ass disappeared down the hall. "Jesus, man! Do you have a freaking clothing allergy? I mean, _really! Seriously?"_

I convulsed into another fit of laughter, high on the euphoric feeling of the morning.

Ali snuck in behind Jazz. "Leave it up to Bella to fall in love with a voyeur…" she muttered with an impish grin.

She padded into the kitchen with the day's mail. "Oh my God, Bella! What happened in here?"

I started to answer, but only ended up laughing all over again as I imagined trying to explain the situation to Ali.

She put her hand up, shaking her fingers at me. "You know what? Never mind. I don't want to know…" She laid the mail down on the counter. "I'm rooming with a couple of freaks, I tell you…even put Rosalie and Emmet to shame…" She mumbled as she trudged off to her bedroom with Jasper in tow.

I pulled out a skillet and proceeded to cook the rest of the pancake batter while I waited for Edward to return. I had never seen him cook before and, looking at the lumpy batter, I was more than a little worried.

He came back into the kitchen looking as if he had just showered, the smell of his cologne following him into the room.

_Dear God, my girly parts are absolutely reckless! If we keep up at this rate, I'm gonna sprain my poor pussy!_

He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and snuggling into my neck again. "_Oh no you don't!"_ I pulled away quickly, stepping around the counter so that I could face him with it in between us.

He looked astounded. "What did I do?"

"You come walking in here, looking all hot and smelling like sex and cozying up to me after we nearly burnt down and flooded the apartment!" The corners of his eyes crinkled charmingly as he began laughing. "Don't you see, it's dangerous for me to be around you! And frankly," I leaned over the counter towards him conspiratorially, lowering my voice so the others couldn't hear, "I'm worried for the well being of my girly parts. They apparently have a severe substance abuse problem that I was unaware of before now. In fact, as we speak, my nipples are attempting to tear through my shirt so that they can get closer to you. I mean, look at them!" I stood up, squaring my shoulders and pointing at my very pert nipples. "It's ridiculous! This can not be normal!"

He slapped his hand against the counter, doubling over in laughter at my antics. I bit back my laughter, attempting to maintain my serious façade. "So, honestly, I think it's best if we stay on opposite sides of the room for now, until my girls learn some restraint. I'm sorry…please send my regards to Mr. Orgasmo and tell him that we'll visit soon."

His face was flushed again as his eyes grew teary. _"Mr. Orgasmo?"_

I nodded. "Yeah…_you know_…" I glanced down towards his crotch and then popped one finger up to illustrate and erection, "…_Mr. Orgasmo!"_

He wiped at his eyes as his cheeks continued to flame red. "_You named him_?"

I dipped my finger into the pancake batter and licked it off teasingly. "Well, in all honesty, I named him before I ever met you. He's what I was looking for all that time, I was just waiting for you to introduce us."

He straightened his expression, leaning over the counter towards me to whisper. "Well, in that case…" He raised his left hand and wiggled his fingers at me, "…wouldn't _these_ be Mr. Orgasmo?"

I shrugged. "Eh, they're a package deal. Why, did you have a better name for him?" Edward blushed, suddenly becoming very distracted by the pancakes he was flipping. I jumped on his reluctance. "Really? What's his name, Edward? You _have_ to tell me! I mean, after all, we're so familiar with one another now that we really should be on a first name basis…"

"It's not important…I wasn't very creative….I like Mr. Orgasmo better….let's just stick to that…" He hedged.

My face grew stern as I suppressed my giddiness. "Edward. I thought you said you didn't want us to do anything that we couldn't talk about? So how can I possibly _do_ him if you won't even tell me his name?"

"_Fuck_." He muttered under his breath. Ironically, it was the first time I'd heard him cuss outside of our sexploits, and it just sounded funny. He mumbled something that I couldn't make out.

I leaned closer. "What was that, baby? I couldn't hear you."

He clenched his jaw, snorting in embarrassment so that I still couldn't make out what he said when he repeated it.

"Baby, you're going to have to stop laughing and speak up so I can hear you." I prompted.

"_Harold! Okay? His name was Harold_!" He yelled amidst embarrassed laughter.

"_You named your penis Harold?" _I was laughing so hard that I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes.

He pushed the heels of his palms against his eye lids. "NO! H-E-R-A-L-D…like a newspaper…"

"_Why?"_ I spurted between my giggles and gasps for air.

"_Well…because of what I'd seen of other guys in the locker room and stuff…I thought my man was rather newsworthy…"_ He explained between rasping breaths.

"_Oh my God!"_ I choked as I collapsed back into one of the dining room chairs, absolutely exhausted and rubbing my hands along my jaw to ease the ache. "I wholeheartedly agree with you, baby. 'Herald' is most definitely worthy of a few headlines in my world."

**A/N:**_ Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The Volturi caught up with one reader who wasn't reviewing. *Bowing my head* She will be missed terribly._

_I'd hate to see them get their hands on any of you, so please review with happy thoughts and I'll try to get them off your backs…_


	41. My Pleasure

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. Everything else? I wrote, therefore, I am._

Warning: _No lemons in this one…sorry!_

Approx: _11 Pages/__ 4,840 Words_

**CHAPTER 41: MY PLEASURE**

I was delighted to find out that the lumps in the pancake batter were intentional as Ali and Jazz came out of hiding to join us for the most delicious cheesecake pancakes known to man! Edward topped the orgasmic concoction with strawberry syrup, fresh strawberry slices and whipped cream. Had my roommate and her boyfriend not been with us, I would have liked to have properly thanked him right there on the dining room table.

Instead, I got sidetracked when Jazz got a call from Esme inviting everyone over for lunch, since Daddy C was only working a half day today.

What Jazz didn't have to say out loud was that Momma Hale was attempting to get Edward to meet with Carlisle. Ever since she'd met him, heard about his ingenuity and saw the connection that Edward already had with the band, she couldn't shake the idea of him leading us to the stardom that was always out of our reach. Luckily, Edward didn't know how conniving Esme could be when she wanted something, so only Jazz, Alice and I were privy to Esme's hidden agenda.

I hated being sneaky about it, but I thought it was better for Edward to be worked slowly into the situation. If I warned him what I knew they had in store, he would only get worked up and start planning all of his objections. So instead, I left it up to Carlisle.

Carlisle was a good man – honest, trustworthy, generous, kind hearted and absolutely moral through-and-through. I trusted him to speak to Edward fairly, clearly laying out all of the pros and cons without attempting to sway him one way or the other.

In fact, the more I thought about it, the better it was that I not discuss the idea with him. I was too strongly in favor of working with him to be impartial, and I wanted this to be solely his decision. I wanted him to become our manager – I had instantly fallen in love with the idea – but I didn't want him to do it because I influenced him to.

So, we all climbed into the Volvo and headed over to the Hale's house for rehearsal and lunch.

Momma Hale was on the phone with a client when we arrived – apparently, she wouldn't be preparing lunch until Carlisle came home around one o'clock, so we all headed down into the basement for rehearsal.

Rosie was fiddling with her guitar as we wandered down with Emmet sprawled across the couch – snoring like a chainsaw, drooling on the arm rest with his arm hanging limply off the edge.

"What the hell?" I grimaced at the giant sleeping man before looking over at Rosalie for an explanation.

She shrugged and sneered. "Apparently, the man has no stamina for sexting. I hope you all had a better night than _I_ had." She immediately began plucking out a bluesy sound as I giggled.

Edward started laughing. "Hey, Jazz. Do you have any shaving cream?"

My face lit up at hearing Edward's casual use of Jasper's nickname.

Jasper smirked. "What're you thinkin', Ed?"

_Ed?_ _When had this development taken place?_

Edward smiled that crooked little grin that automatically set my loins on fire. "Hmm…I'm thinking we're going to need shaving cream, a feather and a camera."

"_Priceless!"_ Jazz hyped excitedly as he ran upstairs to get the necessary items.

"What are you going to do?" I asked, unsure I recognized the man standing before me.

Edward's eyes glistened with boyish charm as he feigned innocence. "_Nothing…"_

I looked over at Rosie, questioningly. She harrumphed and focused back on the tune she was picking out, mumbling "_I'm not gonna stop him. Whatever it is, the bastard deserves it, falling asleep before I even…"_

She let her train of thought fade off as Jasper burst back into the room with the supplies.

Edward put the camera on the video selection before handing it to me. Then, without another word, he took the can of shaving cream from Jazz and knelt down beside Emmet's hand. Meanwhile, Jazz skulked around the back of the couch with a tiny feather hair comb that I had seen Rosie wear from time to time. I was amazed by their coordination – each man seemed to know exactly what to do, even though they hadn't discussed it.

My heart soared…Edward just seemed so very _right_ in my life. It was like the void I had been feeling had spread out to these other areas where I hadn't even realized there was something missing until he filled it with warmth and light.

Edward smiled wickedly, motioning for me to start filming. I trained the camera on the three men as he sprayed a generous dollop of foam into Emmet's limp hand. He gave the camera a thumbs up sign, mischief dancing in his eyes as Jasper began to tease the feather across Emmet's nose.

Rosie had laid down her guitar and wandered beside me to watch over my shoulder. I could hear Ali snickering behind me.

Em wiggled his nose as the feather began to annoy him. When Jazz persisted, Em swatted at his face with the hand he had resting on his stomach – the hand that _did not_ have the foam on it. Edward punched at the air in disappointment, but then Jasper motioned for Edward to give him the shaving cream.

With Emmet's hand now back on his stomach, palm up, Jasper sprayed a heaping portion of foam on that hand as well. Now, when they tickled his nose, there was no way he would get away without smearing foam all over his face.

_Or so we thought._

Jazz brought the feather comb to Em's face one last time. I caught the corners of Emmet's mouth turn up just a second too late to warn them as he slapped both Jasper and Edward, covering their faces in thick, white cream.

"Never fuck with a fucker, gentlemen!" He roared with satisfaction as I caught their shocked, foam covered faces on the video.

Rosie was snorting with pride and Ali was laughing so hard that I was seriously beginning to worry that she was going to pee herself.

I zoomed in on Edward's face as he strolled lazily over to me. "You can stop filming now, baby…" He drawled.

"But why?" I giggled behind the camera. "This is my favorite part!"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh really? Let's see how funny you think it is now!" Without warning, he grabbed the camera out of my hands and kissed me all over so that every inch of my face and neck was covered in foam.

Beyond my laughter, I could hear Jazz yell "Good idea!" in the background as Ali started running around screaming. I could also hear her laughter and pleas when his long legs caught up to her.

"What in the world is going on down here?" Esme called out as she descended the stairs. Just as she caught sight of the chaos, she stepped into some stray foam that had flown off of Jasper as he chased Alice. Down Momma Hale went, bouncing her butt onto the very last step.

There she sat, laughing at herself and all of us as we did the same. The laughter was liberating.

When she was finally able to catch her breath, Esme suggested that we go get cleaned up, as Carlisle was expected home in about a half an hour.

Alice started cleaning up in the downstairs bathroom while Jasper headed up to the bathroom he shared with Rosalie. As the only two survivors, Rosie and Em agreed to stay behind and clean up the foam that had made its way all around the basement. With the other bathrooms occupied, Esme kindly offered for us to use the two sinks in the master bath.

I grabbed a hand towel from the closet and proceeded to wet a wash cloth in the faucet. Edward surprised me by picking me up and seating me on the counter, snatching the wet cloth from my hand and proceeding to carefully wipe the goo from my face.

Every so often, he would dip the cloth back under the faucet to rinse it off before tenderly bringing it back to my face to caress the foam from my jaw and neck. The way he touched me and looked at me…even with his features covered in thick cream…I could see his absolute love and devotion and joy. It was moments like these that made my heart feel that it might break from simply being too full.

He tipped my chin upwards, inspecting my neck, collarbone and ears before concluding that I was properly wiped clean. He rinsed the rag off once more, wringing the excess water out before handing it to me, leaning forward and closing his eyes. It was such a sweet, simple gesture, but it made my stomach tremble.

I was mesmerized by every feature I revealed as I wiped the foam away, studying every crease and angle and curve. I twisted on the vanity so that I could rinse off the rag before smoothing it over his thick eyebrows and delicate lids, gasping when dazzling green eyes suddenly popped open, staring back at me. He closed his eyes again as I wiped from the bridge of his nose, over his perfect cheek bones.

I had never understood the whole appeal of a woman shaving her man, but in mimicking the actions, I could suddenly feel how very sensual it was. It wasn't that gnawing, aching need. It was the slow burning embers of an already existing fire.

_My dear God, how I love every single inch of this magnificent man!_

The cloth skimmed under his nose and over his full lips, then along his jaw and throat.

I had never been an overtly religious person, but Edward…_ every little thing he does…everything little thing he is…_was a blessing. For some reason, some higher power saw fit to answer every prayer I never even knew I had.

If I accomplished nothing in all the rest of my life, I will have known that my purpose was to exist for the sole purpose of loving him with everything I am. I would never be good enough, but I wasn't about to let that stop me from trying.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He mused for the second time today as I cradled his face in my hands, speechless from my silent adoration of him.

I once again attempted to shrug away the deep, complex emotions and thoughts I'd been battling with.

"I like seeing you happy. I think your smile may be the absolute most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life." I kissed him chastely, sitting back to find him rewarding me with yet another dazzling smile.

"Okay, now you're just showing off." I huffed sarcastically.

He growled and nibbled on the ticklish spot between my jaw and my neck.

By the time we properly dried off and returned to the kitchen, Esme had already set the table with chicken wings, potato salad, coleslaw, macaroni and cheese and corn. The others were just coming up from the basement when we heard Daddy C walk in the door. "Honey, I'm home!" He called out comically.

She took off the apron she had been working in and headed toward the kitchen entrance to greet him. "Hi, honey." His hands settled onto her hips as she placed her hands on his shoulders, standing up on tiptoes to kiss him sweetly.

Edward wound his arm around my waist, nuzzling into my hair and kissing me on the temple, obviously moved by the happily married couple in front of us. For a brief second, I imagined it – welcoming Edward home from a day at work with our children anxiously waiting to eat dinner with their father.

The thought was fleeting, but I was surprised that it was there.

Carlisle and Esme rubbed their noses against each other briefly before Esme spun out to stand by Carlisle's side. The handsome, blonde man greeted us as he always did – with a large, warm smile that crinkled the corners of his kind eyes. "Hey kids. Long time, no see."

I reached behind me to take Edward's hand from the small of my back and led him forward.

I jumped up on tiptoes to give Daddy C a kiss on the cheek. "Carlisle, this is my boyfriend Edward." I introduced, stepping out of the way for the men to formally meet each other.

Edward smiled broadly. "Well, I would say that it's nice to meet you, Mr. Cullen, but when I addressed your wife formally, Bella's friends laughed at me." He teased.

"You can call me Carlisle." He laughed.

"And are you prone to hugs over handshakes like Esme is?" Edward continued, smirking in jest.

Carlisle pretended to think about it. "Why don't we go ahead and start with a handshake and we can work our way up to a hug. I don't want you to think I'm easy."

Edward chuckled as he extended his hand, Carlisle clasping it in both of his as they shook.

Everything was just going too perfectly. I looked up to the heavens, fearing that lightning might strike me right where I stand.

Lunch was pretty much a repeat of everything we had said and done when Edward met Esme the day before. We gushed about how he had turned my epic disaster into a fantastic publicity stunt while Edward kept his head down, mumbling muted "thanks" between forkfuls of food.

"So, how did you come up with that idea, Edward?" Carlisle mused casually.

As we had rambled on and on about how fantastic he was, Edward had sat quietly, shying away from the attention. Ironically, once Edward started talking, he seemed more at ease. It was as if he felt _less_ like the center of attention when he had a say in the matter. Suddenly, the embarrassed, humble man disappeared as the confident, suave, charming man that I loved reemerged.

"Well, it started off with me thinking how sad it was that such wonderful people would lose an opportunity for choosing to do something as selfless as standing by a dying woman's side." He explained with a bit of melancholy. I appreciated that he included the entire band instead of focusing it all on me.

"I just kept thinking, if everyone knew how kind hearted and generous they had been, they would be increasing in popularity, not losing their big break. I talked to Bree's parents about it to see what they had to say. They agreed with me, that Bree would have done anything she could to have seen Eclipse succeed. It just kind of went from there." He shrugged casually, belittling his part as the ingenious mastermind that he was.

"Hmm…that was good thinking, Edward. I'm glad you were around; I'm not sure I would have thought of anything like that and, even if I had, I'm sure I would not have been able to have convinced them to go through with it. Have you ever taken speech and debate?" Carlisle asked, punctuating the question by taking a bite of potato salad.

Edward laughed. "Actually, I was the captain back in high school. Is it that obvious?"

I turned to stare at him. _How could I not have known this?_

"You're just very well spoken." Carlisle complimented. "You have an ease and confidence about you that could easily demand a room."

Edward snorted, blushing slightly. "Well, my parents would be happy to know that my speech therapy paid off."

"What did you have speech therapy for?" Emmet sputtered with a mouth full of coleslaw.

"I had a stutter until I was thirteen." He confessed.

My jaw nearly hit the table. _Why am I just finding out about this now?_

"I'm curious, what was your most intense debate about?" Carlisle pushed his plate back, steeping his hands in front of him with intrigue.

Edward finished the last bite on his plate, pushing it back. "Hmmm…." He hummed, chewing as he thought it over. "I think the debate I became the most passionate about was in regards to capital punishment."

"Were you for or against it?" Jasper asked, mimicking his father's pose.

"Well, when I was given the assignment, I was personally for it, but my teacher made me argue against it. I was livid – I thought it was immoral to argue against something that I believed in."

Rosie shook her head in disapproval. "No teacher should make you fight for a cause you don't believe in. That's just wrong."

"But you did it anyway?" Carlisle prompted.

"I had no choice." Edward answered. "The teacher argued that she was giving me the better end of the deal. Since I was actually _for_ capital punishment, she said that I should be able to anticipate their arguments and be better able to prepare for rebuttal. After that, I came to appreciate it as more of a logical tactic than anything else."

Rosie nodded her head. "Well, yeah, when you say it that way, I guess it does make sense. What's that saying? The best defense is a good offense?"

"Right." Edward nodded.

"So did you win the debate?" Emmet asked, getting into the conversation.

"No. I lost terribly. We went up against a team from a class that was studying law. I won hands down in the emotional and logical arguments, but they had the legal precedents to support their claim. I only had access to the school library, but they had an extensive set of legal resources in their classroom that were never made available to me."

"Do you think, maybe, that you lost on purpose? I mean, if you personally agreed with their arguments, do you think that you subconsciously threw the debate so that what you believe in would win?" Ali chimed in rather profoundly.

"No." He answered simply. "You see, that's why it was my favorite. I went in thinking that I knew what I believed; so determined that I almost fought for my right to defend it. I spent a month doing triple the work. First, I looked for a defense for every reason I felt that capital punishment was right. Then, I looked up every argument against those reasons and when I was done with that, I spent my time looking for every offense against those arguments. You see, I lost the debate, but I ended up believing that capital punishment was wrong. I was my hardest critic, and yet, I managed to convince myself. So, I've always seen it as a win."

"Is that where you got your interest in law from?" I asked.

"Actually, I don't really like law at all. If anything, the opposing team's arguments made me learn that there are too many loopholes involved. If you know enough about the law, you can abuse it. Therefore, the people who most use the law to their advantage are those who are supposed to uphold it."

I was absolutely befuddled. "But, you work with Phil?"

"Phil's one of the good guys, but I've never aspired to make a career out of it. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life, I needed a job and he was hiring. It just worked out that way. Besides, that doesn't necessarily go against what I said about using the law to one's advantage." He was referring, of course, to their use of marriage in order to get Bree insurance coverage.

Even as one of the "good guys", Phil had indeed abused the system to get what he needed. I could see what he meant.

"Actually, the debate made me really interested in psychology for a while. Unfortunately, I have no interest in medicine, but the human mind fascinates me. I even started checking out books about social psychology. They were incredible. I find myself thinking back on them from time to time when I'm in different situations." Edward mulled.

Carlisle was enamored. "I have quite a collection in my study, if you're ever interested in borrowing one?"

"Really?" Edward's eyes shot wide with excitement. "Is it a hobby of yours?"

Carlisle furrowed his brows at me before turning back to Edward. "I guess you didn't know I was a therapist?"

"Oh, no." Edward responded slightly embarrassed. "Bella informed me you were a doctor, but I had never asked about what field."

"Would you like to come up to my study and take a look around?" Carlisle offered as he pushed his chair back and stood up.

Edward turned to me with the expression of an eager child asking for permission to have a sleepover. "Do you mind?"

"No, of course not! We'll just be downstairs rehearsing anyway. Go have fun!" I encouraged.

He kissed me quickly on the cheek before jumping up out of his seat. "This is great. Thank you, Carlisle."

"Anytime…" He said as he led the way out of the dining room.

"Does this mean I should hug you now?" Edward teased.

"Don't push it." Carlisle joked back as they walked out of earshot.

It had been the perfect segue for Daddy C to get him alone. I was sure, once they were away from the rest of us, that Carlisle would find a way to talk to him about managing the band.

Still, as I thought over the conversation, I couldn't help but feel frustrated. No matter how hard I tried, my mind couldn't wrap around him. He was an enthralling enigma to me. For every riddle I solved and puzzle I completed, there was yet another mystery waiting.

For some reason I couldn't explain, the little green eyed monster was rumbling inside of me and the pesky little fucker refused to go back to sleep.

I offered to help Esme clean up, suggesting that the others get warmed up without me. I paced back and forth from the dining room to the kitchen as I slowly cleared off the table while Esme busied herself washing dishes at the sink.

Once the table was emptied and wiped down, I sidled up next to Esme to dry the dishes.

"What's on your mind, Bella?"

"Nothing, just wanted to help you clean up…as a thank you for being so wonderful to Edward."

"That's sweet of you…" she smiled kindly, "…now stop beating around the bush and tell me what's eating at you." But she was also very intuitive with a no bull-shit rule.

I sighed, giving in. "I'm aggravated."

"Why?" She asked, handing me another dish.

"That's the problem, I can't explain it. I don't really know why…" I was chewing on my lip now as I pondered my stupid emotions.

"Well, you didn't seem aggravated earlier. What changed?" I was handed a dripping plate.

"I don't know…it was something about lunch." I could feel myself circling closer to the thing that was gnawing at me, but I still couldn't put my finger on it.

"Was something said that bothered you? Are you upset that we may have made Edward uncomfortable?" She was reaching now, probing to help me uncover whatever it was that was bothering me. "When did you first start feeling that way?"

"I think it was when Edward said that he was the captain of the speech and debate team." I didn't "think". I knew for a fact that was the moment the feeling started. "Then, it bothered me when he told us he used to stutter."

_And from there, it just got worse and worse._

"Did you know those things already?" Her tone had changed, just like Ali's does when she's solved one of my life's riddles before I have.

"No. He'd never told me _any of that_ before." My voice unintentionally sharpened.

"How long have you two known each other?"

I mentally did the math. "I think it's been almost six weeks now."

_It's only been six weeks? Holy shit!_

"Well that's not very long at all, is it?" She mused.

"No, but it feels like much longer."

_It feels like I've known him forever._

"Do you know when I knew Carlisle was the one?" She smiled as she scrubbed at a particularly stubborn pot.

"Our second date." She answered when I remained silent. "I went back to school the next day on cloud nine and told my classmate that I couldn't wait for her to meet the man I was going to marry." She giggled as she recalled it. "On our third date, my classmate just happened to come to the same party we were at. She waves at me, comes right up and says hi to '_Carlie'._ That just happened to be her nickname for him when they dated a year before. I had no idea.

"Carlisle was an absolute gentleman. He politely smiled and said hi without ever leaving my side or showing even the slightest bit of interest. And yet, I was livid.

"Here I was, already certain that I wanted to spend all of my tomorrows with him when he had this past that I knew nothing about. He had heartaches I'd never heard of and girlfriends I'd never met. He had memories I'd never be a part of. I already knew his family and had already learned about his passion for psychology and other things and, when _he_ shared them with me, it felt like I was getting a personalized tour of his past…he was personally taking the now and the then and meshing them into one.

"But when this other girl came into the picture, knowing things about him that he had not personally told me yet, I felt like an outsider. It only served to show me how little I knew about the man I already loved."

I hadn't realized that I was still circling the towel around a dish that was already dry.

It made absolutely no sense…of course she didn't know everything about him, it was only their third date. They've been married for years and I'm sure that there are still stories she hasn't heard.

And yet, she had hit the nail on the head. I had sat there with Edward in the hospital, looking over Bree's photo album and listening to him personally relive their history for me in vivid detail. And it had been wonderful, because I had felt so included, like he was somehow tucking me into all of his old memories as if I had always belonged there.

But today, sitting beside my friends as a couple, I hadn't felt that way. I hadn't liked looking at him with the same news eyes they were seeing him with. It made my hold on him seem less significant.

"What did you do?" I whispered, finally putting the dish down to take the pot that Esme was holding.

"Well, that night, I stormed off like the stupid, sensitive, over-emotional girl that I was. I knew it was insane for me to feel that way, but I couldn't help it. Then I realized what _wasn't_ insane about feeling that way. I _wanted_ to know all of his stories. If it took the rest of my life, I wanted to relive every memory, good and bad, until I had been personally invited into each and every one. I wanted to know every secret, hope and dream he had.

"And despite the fact that I was already madly in love with him…despite the fact that I had already silently pledged my never ending devotion to him…that was the night our relationship became real because I realized it wasn't all roses and candlelight and romantic whispers. It wouldn't always be butterflies and goosebumps and nervous giggles. If I wanted to make him mine, there was going to be a lot of hard work involved. I was going to have to ask questions and listen to his answers. I didn't always like what I had to hear. I didn't like the fact that he had other girlfriends…but if I wanted to know about them and learn from them and everything else, I had to learn to listen without passing judgment or without letting my insecurities override my ability to be open-minded. And in return, I had to be as honest with him as I wanted him to be with me."

The frustration I had been feeling dissipated as she made sense of it for me. I wanted to know him – good, bad and everything in between. For the past couple of days I had been feeling like the hard part was over and that it was now time for our happily ever after together, but I knew better than that.

I wanted to know how to make him smile and laugh and then, I wanted to do just that for every day of the rest of my life.

I wrapped my arms around my pseudo-mom and squeezed her tight. "Thank you, Esme."

She gladly squeezed me back. "My pleasure."

**A/N:** _*Standing on street corner in a trench coat* Pssst! You! Yeah, you! You want some lemons? _

_Yeah, I got some lemons and limes for you right here! *Open my coat wide to reveal that it is entirely lined with citrusy pleasure.*_

_Tell you what…why don't you's and I do a little business. All you's gots to do is click that little review button and I'll gladly deliver… What do you's say?_


	42. Everything

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I just like to take her cute, sweet, innocent little characters and turn them into freaks for the fun of it..._

Warning: _Nope, no lemons here either!_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,128 Words_

**CHAPTER 42: EVERYTHING**

"What took you so long?" Emmet grumbled as I stepped down into the basement.

"Sorry, I was working on something. Do you mind if we talk for a minute?"

Em - the big teddy bear - was instantly concerned. "What's up, Bells?"

"Well, Esme seems to like the idea of Edward becoming our manager, but we haven't really had a chance to talk about it. If you don't want him as manager, I'd understand…I'd just want a chance to break it to him before he comes down here announcing that he'll do it. I'm pretty sure Daddy C's up there, talking to him about it right now, so I kind of need to know your answers…just in case." I rambled.

"Bella, the man did in a week what we couldn't do in two years and, unlike my dad, he wouldn't have a medical career distracting him." Rosalie enforced.

"Well, we'd have to pay him. You know that, right? I mean, you're dad offered to do it for free, and he's making enough to live off of so that wasn't really a problem. Now, I haven't spoken to Edward about this at all and I'm pretty sure he'd be embarrassed that I even brought it up, but we can't expect Edward to put as much into this band as we do if we're not willing to pay him an equal share. That just wouldn't be fair, as far as I'm concerned. So, please take that into consideration." I warned, trying to play devil's advocate.

Alice immediately chimed in. "I hadn't thought about that, but of course, you're right. It would mean a pay cut for all of us, but I wouldn't think of doing it any other way."

"Do we do it in equal shares – split whatever we make six ways evenly? Or do we go on a percentage?" Jasper thought out loud. "Most managers get a certain percentage, don't they?"

"That's true." Em replied. "But then again, most bands aren't playing fuckawesome songs that their managers wrote and asking them for help and advice on the instrumentals."

"So for now, I say we split it six ways." Rosalie confirmed.

Ali agreed.

"I'm on board with that." Jasper smiled.

"Fuck yeah! Let's do it!" Emmet roared with a flourish on the drums.

I bit back my excitement. "So, if he agrees…you're all in?"

"_Yes!_" They yelled at me in unison, frustrated at having to spell it out for me.

"Thank you!" I rushed over, gathering them all up into an immense group hug around the drum set.

"So, can we jam now?" Em whined. "I'd like to rock out a little before Ali forces us to go get pretty."

"Baby, no one can force you to get pretty." Rose teased, blowing him a kiss. He responded by sticking his tongue out like the five year old that he is.

"Okay, but there's one more thing…" I hedged, waiting for them to look at me. "I wrote a love song." Rosie gasped. Ali hiccupped with glee. I put my hand up to stop them from saying anything. "If it's okay with you, I don't want to perform it until we get the executives out to watch us perform and, if at all possible, I don't want Edward to hear it before then either."

Ali danced over, throwing her arms around me in a giddy hug. I was surprised when Ro joined in. Jasper did that little bemused, sideways grin of his; his eyes sparkling with pure happiness for me.

"What do you say?" I asked, still in the girls' arms.

"Whatever you say, Bella. But, we need to hurry up while Edward's out of the room." Jasper advised.

Ali and Ro ran back to their places as I began to sing.

Carlisle managed to keep Edward up there for another half an hour as Jazz recorded me singing the song a cappella. He had just finished burning and distributing the copies when Edward wandered down to the basement with Carlisle.

Edward looked upset and Daddy C had a reassuring hand on his shoulder. We all froze in place, anxious to hear what had been decided.

Carlisle cleared his throat before he began talking. "As you know, Esme had suggested that I consider stepping aside to let Edward manage the band. Having heard about his excellent work this week, I told Edward that I was seriously considering it and asked for his feelings on the matter." Carlisle turned to Edward, clearly giving him the opportunity to speak for himself.

Edward drew in a deep breath. "Carlisle told me about all of the great things he's done for you. Without any previous experience, training or resources, I'm afraid that I won't be able to deliver everything that I feel you deserve. Carlisle agreed."

Edward grimaced as they stared at our blank faces. It wasn't the news we were hoping to hear, but we were attempting to appear impartial…_and failing miserably._

"…to be my Assistant Manager." He continued, breaking into a devilish grin. "That way, I can't screw things up _too_ badly."

I ran over to him, wrapping myself around him and kissing him all over his beautiful face while the band cheered behind me.

"Does that mean we have to split the money six ways? Because, I hate to break it to you, but we're not making that much." Emmet teased.

Edward grabbed my face. "What's he talking about?"

"We already talked about it. If you agreed to be our manager, we decided we're giving you an equal share of whatever we earn." I pronounced happily, my arms and legs still tangled around him.

He shook his head vehemently. "Bella, no."

"It's only fair, Edward." Alice perked.

"If you don't want to keep it, donate it to charity…but we're giving you the damn money whether you like it or not." Rosie interjected in her usual classy form.

Jasper stepped in, ever the diplomat. "Don't feel bad, Ed. If you accomplish a third of what you've done this past week, you will more than have earned your meager wages." He cocked a sarcastic, lopsided grin.

"And if you feel really terrible about taking our money, you can always make it up to us by writing more fu…." Emmet lost steam as he looked over at a wary Carlisle and finished off with a lame "…awesome songs."

"Guess I'll really have to work for it, then." He whispered humbly.

I stroked his cheek. "You'll do your best, I'm sure."

"Oh!" Ali shrieked as she suddenly clung to Edward's arm. "I need to take you shopping!"

Edward looked at me with a puzzled expression as I slid out of his arms.

Although I honestly _liked_ the idea of dressing him in more of the hot clothes he had worn yesterday, I didn't want to overwhelm him by giving Ali free reign over his ensemble. "Ali, he's our manager. I don't really think he'll be expected to have a full, matching wardrobe."

Ali pulled out her award winning pout and sad, puppy dog eyes.

"Look away, Edward! She has the ability to wield great power over you if you look into those big doe eyes of hers! You must fight it!" Emmet called from behind the drum set.

"I just want us to have a cohesive look." Ali continued to pout.

"Well, as long as I can use my own money to pay for it, I don't see how that can hurt." he started to cave in.

"Edward, you don't have to give in to her. I won't be mad. If you agree to this now, she will have you by the balls and you will _never_ get your say in _anything_ again." I warned.

Jazz came up beside Ali, throwing his arm over her shoulder comfortably. "Listen to Bella, man. She speaks from experience. My girlfriend _always_ gets her way, don't you, darlin'?"

Alice broke away from her epic sulk to flash a brilliant smile at her boyfriend, only to resume her patented pout a second later.

Edward sucked on his bottom lip as he thought it over, and my girly parts responded accordingly.

_Not in front of Daddy C!_ I mentally chastised my hormonal body.

"Here are my terms, Alice." Edward raised his head high – at least as far as he could while maintaining eye contact with my tiny friend – squared his shoulders and puffed out his chest. You could physically see the change from friend to professional; from easy going and unsure guy who wants to please his girlfriend to self-assured, confident businessman.

_Of course, my silly girly parts liked that, too._

"We will use my money and I will set the budget. I will try on anything you ask me to, but I maintain the absolute final say. While it may be appropriate for me to own a couple of things like what I wore last night, it's important that I also own things that are far more professional so that I can maintain a respectable, professional demeanor when necessary. And, if you attempt - at any time - to pout at me as a means to convince me to change these terms, the entire deal is off."

"Hmmm…" For the first time in all the years I'd known Ali, she looked perplexed. Her face scrunched up, her brows furrowed, her lips puckered as she contemplated Edward's offer.

"_Damn, he's goood…"_ Rosie mumbled to Em.

I could see something dawn in her eyes as she popped right back into full pout mode. "But, I've already seen you in a lot of professional clothes, so can't I just-"

"No Alice." Edward interrupted, standing his ground firmly, but politely.

_Why in the world are my girly parts cheering now? Because he stood his ground? Seriously?_

"Okay, fine." She huffed in exasperation. "_I agree to your terms, Mr. Cullen."_ She said snidely. "On one condition."

"And that is?" He raised one eyebrow suspiciously.

"Bella can't come." She turned to glare at me.

Edward looked at me questioningly, asking me to weigh in on the deal.

"If I can't use my…powers of persuasion, than I can't afford to have Bella in their weighing in on your opinions. If we're going to go head-to-head, its only fair that we do it mano-y-mano." She put her hands on her hips defiantly.

"I can see your point." Edward conceded. "Would that be okay with you, baby?" He asked.

"Ugh! See, you can't even make the decision not to make a decision with her!" Ali rambled incoherently.

"Whatever you feel is best, Edward." I confirmed.

"Okay Alice. You're on."

She squealed excitedly, extending her hand to seal the deal.

Edward smacked her hand away. "We don't shake hands in this family, Alice. We're huggers." For the first time, the green eyed monster chuckled in his little corner as my tall, muscled man enveloped the pixie in a vice grip. Her eyes bugged out in shock at first, and then relaxed as she giggled and hugged him back.

"So, when are we going?" Ali asked, perking up with the promise of a shopping spree.

"Sunday alright?" He prompted.

"Sunday is _excellent!"_ I could already see the little hamster wheel spinning in her head.

Rosie slinked over, whispering in my ear. "That was fucking _hot!"_

I turned to her, my eyes dark as I replied. "_I know, right?"_

Carlisle had his arms crossed over his chest, watching everything unfold with amusement and delight. He clapped Edward on the back with approval. "You're going to do _just fine _Edward. Not even _I_ could tame Alice!"

Since Alice had agreed to Edward's terms, he gave in and agreed to let her pick out his outfits for tonight and tomorrow's performances. She grabbed his hand and quickly pulled him off to raid Jazz's closet once again as Rosie took me to her room to start getting ready.

We had to wait for Ali to come back to tell us what to wear, since we had to wait to coordinate with whatever outfit she had found for Edward.

"Earth tones!" She gasped as she ran into Rosie's room, breathless with excitement.

"What?" I asked. That was totally unlike anything we'd ever worn before. We usually went for dark, dramatic colors. I wasn't even sure we had any clothes like that.

"Don't worry, I'll make it work." She tore into Rosie's closet, flinging things out as she found them. We were going to have to hurry, because Ali wanted to run back to our apartment to pick up a couple more things to make the look happen.

Fortunately, we found a pair of brown leather, high heel boots for me to pair up with a short denim skirt that had several silver chains that hung low on my hips. Ali matched it up with an olive green, slinky tank top and then bling'd me out with every silver necklace and ring she could find. I actually liked it a lot. It was supposed to be chilly out, so she gave me a cropped, matching denim jacket to throw on. The ensemble felt a little less rock star, but a lot more like me - as if it was a perfect blend between my two worlds.

Even my hair and make-up were more understated than usual. The gold and green eye shadow played up the different flecks of color in my brown eyes and she applied a golden brown tint to my lips. Ro did my hair in a neat braid that framed my face with the majority of my hair flowing down naturally, untouched.

Rosie was rocking an earth brown wrap around dress with long, gold chains around her neck and gold, strappy, sex-goddess heels. Ali was already wearing a pair of tight blue jeans, so she borrowed a form-fitting, ¾ sleeve, blue-gray top that slipped off her petite shoulders and hugged her waist.

Em knocked on the door. "The Jeep is loaded up and if we gotta stop by the apartment, we need to go. You girls done playing dress up yet?"

We hurried downstairs where Jazz and Edward were leaning casually against the loaded Jeep, waiting for us. I was beginning to wonder if there wasn't a damn thing Edward could wear that wouldn't look good on him. He had on brown leather, Timberland boots with ripped blue jeans that hugged his magnificent thighs. He was in yet another simple tee shirt that flowed flawlessly over his chiseled chest and abs – but this shirt was a rich brown color that made his skin absolutely radiant. He had a tan leather jacket slung over his shoulder and the sleeves of the short-sleeve tee were rolled up tightly around his biceps as if he were enjoying the crisp air.

I was overcome with a momentary flash of Edward in a boat on a beautiful lake teaching our kids how to fish. The image faded but once again, the memory of how incredible his smile looked in it never really dissipated.

"Why don't you guys take the Jeep and get what you need from the apartment. I'm going to ride up with Edward in his car." I suggested, hugging his arm.

Esme's words were playing on a loop in my mind. I wanted to know everything there was to know about Edward, starting right now. I wouldn't let another minute go to waste.

Alice looked as if she might object, but Rosie quickly clamped her hand over the pygmy's mouth. "Alright. We'll catch up with you there!" She laughed as Ali struggled feebly against her.

"What is this about?" Edward smiled as we reached the end of the Hales' long, winding drive.

I turned sideways in the passenger seat to soak in every small change in his face. "I want to know more about you."

He laughed. "_Okaaaay_…What do you want to know?"

I had no immediate questions, so I referred back to the moment that had first made me frustrated. "You used to stutter?"

_Well that was a stupid place to start. You already know that, dumb ass!_

He frowned, curling slightly in on himself, becoming the shy little boy he used to be. "Yeah. I was really self conscious about it. The kids at school made fun of me a lot, so I just sat in the corner of the class and kept to myself. I was really shy. I wouldn't do any project that required me to speak in front of the class and I would never answer when my teacher's called on me. They never heard me speak, so they didn't know I had a stutter. Therefore, some of them thought that I was mentally challenged and others assumed I was just being difficult. My grades started slipping.

"Bree looked up to me, so she never even considered teasing me about it. She asked me once why I talked funny and when I explained it to her, she just shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world. That's why I hung out with a girl who was three years younger than me – she was the only person I could be myself with. She asked me to teach her a song one day and when I started singing it to her, she pointed out that I didn't sing as funny as I talked. That's when my parents figured out that there was a possibility to get me help. They found a speech therapist and I started working with her three times a week. Mrs. Cope worked with me for years – it was a long, frustrating road. I don't know exactly when it stopped but I was thirteen by the time I noticed I wasn't stuttering anymore.

He sat straighter in the driver's seat, transforming as he continued his story. "It was liberating. For once, I could prove to my teachers that I was smart. I loved any class project that required me to speak in front of the class – it felt like such a gift now, to be able to speak freely without being hindered by my speech impediment. I had all these ideas and opinions for so long and I was finally able to talk about them and people were finally willing to listen. They couldn't shut me up after that."

I could picture it all. My young, brilliant Edward sitting in silent frustration in the corner of the class, knowing the answers that eluded his classmates but being unwilling to prove it. The way he must have grown and changed over the years, the metamorphosis from shy, struggling boy to confident, charming teenager.

"Tell me something else." I prompted, starving for more information.

He smirked. "What else do you want to know?"

"Everything, Edward. I want to know absolutely everything."

**A/N:** _You and I are friends, right? We've been together for 42 chapters now and I feel that we've become pretty intimately acquainted, so I'm gonna stop jacking you around. See, although I do have a Smut Dealer who is riding me for reviews, the Volturi aren't coming to get you or me. _

_I'm just a sad, lonely little FanFic writer who will get nothing for my hard work except for some reader feedback. No money. No fame. No fortune. Just little tiny words from people like you who took the time to review and tell me what you think._

_So, be a dear and review, kay? Thanks._


	43. Unstoppable

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The kinky, quirky stuff is all mine._

Warning: _Okay…here's a little sweet and sour goodness for you._

Approx: _9 Pages/__ 4,003 Words_

**CHAPTER 43: UNSTOPPABLE**

As we drove back to the apartment after a fantastic performance, Edward turned the tables. I told him about my best friend growing up and my mom's numerous failed attempts at owning a pet. I admitted to being a girl scout and talked about the fantastic weekend I spent camping in the Florida Keys.

He said that sounded like something he'd like to do some day.

As we undressed that night, he pointed out the faint scar he had on his knee from the time he fell and got a pebble embedded beneath his skin. I showed him the faded puncture mark in my heel from the time my dad was building me a tree house and I accidentally stepped on a board with a nail sticking up out of it.

We examined each other, using the bumps and marks on our bodies as a road map to our past. It was amazing to me, after all the times I had studied him, how little I had really noticed. For example, when he parted his eyebrow, I could see the tiny white line where he had split the skin after accidentally running into a sliding glass door at the age of eleven. He marveled over the miniscule slash on my right hand where I had accidentally closed Jake's Swiss Army knife on my middle finger.

After a thorough inventory of our scrapes and bruises, we sweetly kissed every one, sealing ourselves into each faded memory.

Our hands roamed over each other's bodies languidly - feeling and groping for a deeper connection. Our tongues twisted together in a languorous dance, the feel and taste of him awakening my senses.

His long, lean muscled form rubbed against mine as we held each other tightly, rolling back and forth lazily beneath the covers as we took turns worshipping each other bodies. The world disappeared around us – _everything that mattered was in this room; in this bed._

Time slowed as my mind focused on every place where our bodies met. His right hand tickling down my spine. His left hand running from my hip, up my side to caress my right breast. His lips whispering along the left side of my jaw. His ass clenching tightly beneath my calf as my left leg hitched over his hip. The heat of his defined stomach as it pressed deliriously against mine. The strength of his left thigh against my sensitive inner right thigh as he slipped further between my legs. The feel of his hot, moist breath along my throat as he came home to me, sliding inside where he belonged.

He moved against me leisurely, our hips coming together with slow, sensual kisses. My skin prickled, every ounce of me reaching out for him, craving the connection. We remained silent this time, allowing our bodies to do all of the talking for us.

I closed my eyes, focusing all of my attention into the core of my body, memorizing the way it felt as he parted my slick walls. Each time he filled me entirely, my life felt complete, and each time he pulled back out I felt empty and lost, tasting just a hint of the heartache and sorrow that would come if he ever left me.

I clung to him then, physically willing him to come inside – into my body, my life and my heart - to stay. Strong arms enveloped me needfully in response to my silent pleads. Our torso's pressed firmly together as our racing breath mingled in the cool air of my room. My legs hugged him, pulling him deeply inside where I wanted him to stay. He shifted, sitting up Indian style on the bed so that I was resting on his legs. Instead of pumping up and down on him, my body rocked back and forth against him lazily, unwilling to rush this moment.

I was drowning in a sea of love and want and need and adoration, clutching him as if he were my only hope for keeping my head above water. The tighter my arms wrapped around him, the more his strong arms tightened around me in response, promising an eternity of love, safety, pleasure, happiness and friendship.

The finish line was in sight, but neither of us raced for it. We joined each other, edging slowly for the precipice that was just barely within reach. Our hearts hammered against each other as we breathed in the other's breath, our kisses growing frantic as our bodies struggled to maintain the gentle pace. My fingers clawed at his back, attempting to pull him closer still as his hands gripped my shoulders tightly, squeezing my breasts intensely between our heated bodies. Our moans broke through the silence as he thrust into me hard, my core clamping down around him as I could feel his warmth spreading within me.

We trembled against each other, relying on the other's arms to help hold ourselves together. My fingers twined into his hair as he dropped his forehead against my shoulder, struggling to catch his breath. I nuzzled against his thick hair, breathing in his intoxicating aroma as the wild strands tickled my nose and swollen, parted lips.

He placed me gently down on the bed, smoothing my hair out of my face before sliding down my body to rest his head over my heart. His arms hugged me tightly around my waist as he tangled his legs with mine. "This is the most important sound in my world, Bella. In very close second are your laughter and the way you sound when you say that you love me. If I could have those three things every day for the rest of my life, I could die a happy man."

I ran my fingers lazily through his hair. "I love you, Edward." I confessed on cue.

"I know. That's why I'm smiling." He mumbled, kissing the top of my breast chastely.

I woke up pretty early Friday morning, so I decided to join Alice for some yoga. She beamed when she padded out of her bedroom to find that I already had our energy shakes made and the mats in place in the living room. "It's been a long time, lazy butt. You sure you can keep up with me?" She teased.

I handed her one of the smoothies. "Drink your beetle juice and shut up."

Surprisingly, although I hadn't joined Ali for her morning work out in quite some time, it was easier than I remembered. In fact, I was actually more limber now than I was before.

"I stand corrected." Ali giggled as I contorted my body to match hers, bent sideways at the waist with my head surprisingly close to my foot.

"Guess I found another workout that compliments my abilities to perform yoga!" I laughed.

Edward wandered out into the living room as we changed into the Bridge Pose, with our shoulders on the ground and our groins thrust upwards into the air. He gasped audibly. "Oh my God! I've died and gone to heaven!"

Ali and I were so focused on the exercise that his unexpected outburst forced us into puddles of uncontrollable giggles.

"Damn! The dream is over. Thanks a lot ladies…" He teased, smiling that million dollar smile of his. "So, what's for breakfast?"

I stood up, wiping the lint off of my pants. "I don't know, what are you making?"

"Huh. I totally didn't see that coming…" He lowered one brow.

"Well, now that I know you're a gourmet chef, I'm curious what other tricks you have up your sleeve."

"Darn it, I knew I played the cheesecake pancake card too quickly…" He appeared to be concentrating on options, only to give up. "Sorry, that was my ace, babe. My other specialties are stove top stuffing, microwaveable mac and cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches. So, which of those fine cuisines do you wish to partake in this morning?"

"How are you with cereal?" I asked.

He got a satisfied little grin. "I've been known to whip up a pretty fantastic bowl of Lucky Charms now and then."

"Well, there are no pink hearts or green clovers, but you can raid my stash. It's in the cabinet beside the fridge." Al offered as we started picking up the mats.

"Are you serious? You actually eat this stuff? Where's the sugar? Where are all the pretty artificial colors? This stuff is brown, Alice! Haven't you ever heard of Fruit Loops or Trix?" He said, pretending to be aghast.

"My God, he sounds just like you!" She rolled her eyes at me. "Sorry, Toucan Sam, but haven't you heard? Trix are for kids."

"Geez, woman. You're like the health food Nazi." He groaned, pulling out a box of bran.

Ali's jaw dropped as she stared at me in disbelief. "I swear! Are you sure you two weren't separated at birth? You might want to get a blood test to make sure that you're not dating your long lost twin!" She picked up the mats and stormed of to her bedroom, feigning an indignant huff.

"Hey, were you planning on rehearsing with the band today?" He asked as he poured some of the bland, brown flakes into a bowl.

"We hadn't planned to. Why do you ask?"

"Well, Carlisle was showing me around his study. He gave me access to the filing cabinet where he kept all of your records and he sort of invited me to use his office whenever I needed to. I wanted to get in touch with the record labels to see when they might be able to come out. I was thinking it would be great if we could get all four reps to come out on the same night. If they see that they have competition, they might be more willing to bite or try to outbid each other." He spooned a soggy bite into his mouth, grimacing at the cardboard flavor.

I smiled, shaking my head at him as he chewed reluctantly.

"_What?"_ He mumbled.

"You're just amazing." I said simply.

He looked down at his bowl, took a look at himself and gave me a big, goofy grin. "Really, baby? This works for you?" He asked, shoveling another mouthful in.

"Yep, it absolutely does."

Knowing that Edward would be occupying himself up in Carlisle's office gave us the perfect opportunity to rehearse the new song. Plus, everyone was overwhelmed by the fact that Edward was taking his position as manager so seriously. Within the hour, I had sent Edward off to the study with a cup of coffee and the band was setting up in the basement.

We jammed for three hours straight, making a lot of headway with the instrumental part of the song. The tune was a bit more upbeat than we usually worked with (I could see now why everything Ali wrote was bubblegum pop), so we were struggling to ground the sound with the instruments. Em got cranky when his stomach started growling louder than the drum set, so I offered to make us some lunch while they continued working.

Momma Hale was making house calls to her clients today, so I was on my own. I settled for soup and sandwiches because it was easy and there was plenty to go around. After delivering lunch to everyone downstairs, I excused myself to peek in on Edward and bring him something to eat.

I put our soups into little Tupperware containers so that I wouldn't spill anything, stacked the sandwiches onto the tray with a couple of colas and headed upstairs. I could hear Edward talking to someone from the hallway, so I silently nudged the solid wood door open, edging quietly into the room.

He sat in Carlisle's wingback chair with his blue shirt completely unbuttoned, a plain white undershirt visible beneath. His head was down – he hadn't heard or seen me yet, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose as he had a habit of doing when he was stressed.

I stood there, silently watching him, fascinated by this hard edged, professional side of him.

"I see. Well, can you please have his secretary call me back? He should ask for Edward Cullen at the number I gave you previously…Yes, that's correct. Thank you very much." He hung up, noticing me as he sighed in exasperation. "Oh, I'm sorry baby! I didn't see you standing there."

He raced around the large desk and took the tray from me, setting it down on an empty side table near the door. Just like that, my Edward was back.

His arms wound around me as he rocked me back and forth. I could feel his body relaxing as he nuzzled into my hair, inhaling deeply.

"Rough day?" I asked, my fingers instinctively running through his hair.

He shrugged with his nose still buried in the hair that flowed around my neck. "I didn't expect it to be easy." He mumbled. "I've just missed you."

I pulled back, caressing his cheek. "You don't have to do this, you know? If at any time, it gets to be too much…or, even if you just need some help to get through it, you let me know. Okay?"

Suddenly, his mouth was on mine, fierce and demanding. He ripped my shirt off over my head, staggering back towards the couch as he fidgeting with the button on my jeans.

I didn't know where it all came from, nor did I care at the particular moment in time. Whenever his body called, mine immediately answered.

I yanked the button up off of his broad shoulders and struggled with his pants as I attempted to help him shimmy my jeans off of my hips. He tore his undershirt over his head and threw it across the room just as I managed to pull his pants down and step out of my own. I shoved hard on his chest, knocking him off balance so that he collapsed onto the leather sofa that was beside the door.

Bracing myself with my hands on his shoulders, I swung my leg over his so that I was straddling him with my knees on the firm sofa cushion. He looked up at me with blackened, lust-filled eyes. "I need you, Bella." He husked.

I impaled myself on his massive cock, grunting as he filled me deep inside. I rode him with short, quick thrusts, slowing every once in a while to pull almost completely off of him, only to push down hard once again. My tits thrust forward as I threw my head back giving myself over to the beastly, driving need to take him.

His hands gripped tightly onto my hips, pulling himself deeper on the downward thrusts, ramming into me with harder pressure than either of us could possibly achieve on our own.

"Don't stop, Bella…you feel so good baby…I need you…I need you so badly…" he groaned as he leaned back, putting some of his weight onto his shoulders so that he could pulse his hips upward to meet me. He was lifting me up as well now, increase the distance between us so that our bodies slammed harder against each other every time they met.

I was literally whimpering, biting back the building moans of pleasure so that our friends wouldn't hear. "Yes baby, I need you too…I need you so bad…fuck me, Edward…make it feel better…make the ache go away…" I whined as my tits bounced up and down with the frenzied pace.

He grabbed my breasts in both hands, leaving it up to me to continue pulsing as he groped and licked and bit at my nipples. "Yes Edward…"I growled in a struggle to moderate my volume. "Don't stop….it feels so goooooooood..."

I could feel my legs starting to tremble beneath me as he devoured my flesh enthusiastically. I grabbed at his head, my fingers gripping his hair, pulling him to my heated skin greedily as my body began convulsing against him.

"_So gooooood…"_ he murmured against my chest as my pussy clenched around him. My hips continued to pound against him, effectively milking him dry. _"Take it, Bella. Take all of me." _He crooned, gorging himself on my flushed breast as his hips rocked against me with his climax.

As we sat in each other's arm, floating down from our post-coital bliss, Edward shifted me so that I was now sitting sideways on his lap with my head against his chest. "Not that I'm complaining, but I'm pretty sure this was not what Carlisle had in mind when he said you could use his office."

He snorted in amusement. "Yeah…that was pretty terrible of me, wasn't it?"

"Well, actually, it was terrible of _us…"_ I corrected, "…but _I'm_ not telling." He turned, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. "So, what was that about, anyway?"

He shrugged. "I was aggravated that I'm not making much headway with the record execs. Wishing that I could just finish what I came here to do so that I could get back to you. I get terribly anxious when you're not around, you know…"

I skimmed my nose along his jaw. "I know what you mean."

"When I sent those letters out, I just wanted to help fix things. I wasn't trying to impress anybody, and yet now, that's exactly what I find myself wanting to do. You're all so confident that I'm going to be this great manager, even though I keep telling you I have no idea what I'm doing. You've all put so much faith in me to do great things for you, even promising me an equal share of your pay before I've even proven myself. I just really don't want to disappoint you or your friends." His arms tightened around me.

"Edward, we're not expecting miracles. You've proven to us that you have a beautiful mind. Your song blew the audience away and you helped me put that other song together over night without even trying. You're creative and innovative and you're terrific at problem solving. We don't expect anything of you except for you to try your best, which we know you will. And just because you're our manager doesn't mean that we expect you to do all the work. We're in this together. So, stop putting so much pressure on yourself or I'll be forced to fire you before you make my boyfriend prematurely bald from worry."

His eyes sparkled and I knew he would be alright. I slid off of his lap, sliding back into my panties and jeans before running around the room to collect his clothes and throw them back at him. "Now, do you want to take a quick break and eat some lunch?"

"Sure. What's on the menu?"

"I made us soup and sandwiches, although the soup is probably cold by now…"

I pulled my tee back on, poking my head through the neck in time to catch him looking at the lunch tray with a sad smile. "You brought me soup and sandwiches?"

I strolled over to him, poking my thumbs through the belt loops on his hips. "Yeah. Is that okay?"

He rubbed his hands up and down my arms, kissing me on the forehead endearingly. "It's perfect."

"What is it with you and soup and sandwiches anyway?" I pried.

The sad smile returned to his face. "It's my form of Ben & Jerry's." I returned his sad smile, beginning to understand. "Whenever one of us was sick or had a particularly bad day, Bree and I would bring each other soup and a sandwich. It was our way of dealing with it."

I bit down on my lip, unsure how I should feel or react. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

He interrupted me with an all encompassing hug. "Don't be sorry, it's perfect. I was moved because it was like you knew exactly what I needed…"

He kept his arms around me, tucking my head in below his chin. "You've seemed so happy, I haven't wanted to ask but…how are you doing, really? You don't have to pretend with me…you could talk, if you needed to."

He sighed. "Sadly, I am happy. I'm happier than I can remember being for a long time. Is that wrong? It just feels like I've mourned her loss for months already. Like, I can remember going through all the appropriate stages of grief as I watched her slowly fade away. Now that she's passed, I feel like we're both free.

"There's this part of me that feels guilty – like I'm doing it all backwards. That part of me realizes that she's only been dead a week, and yet here I am laughing and joking. But there's this greater part of me that realizes how very short life is, and how incredibly lucky I am to have found you and be sharing every single one of these amazing moments with the girl of my dreams. I don't want to waste that time forcing myself to be miserable out of some sense of moral obligation. I've been miserable and sad and depressed long enough. I just want to enjoy every moment that I have you in my life – as selfish as that may be."

"Do I really make you happy?" I asked hopefully.

He laughed at my silly need for confirmation. "Bella, you don't make me happy. You _are_ my happiness. My every waking joy; my every dream come true." He kissed me on the forehead once again before pulling away. "Now, let's dig into those sandwiches, because I'm planning for the rest of my day to be awesome."

When I finally wandered back down into the studio, the band was playing along to my recording and it sounded _incredible._ Ten times better than I imagined it in my head.

"You guys! That's awesome!" I yelled over the instruments as I skipped over the last two stairs.

"You like?" Ali asked as Emmet twirled his drum sticks impressively.

"Like? I love it! It sounds amazing!"

"Ready to give her a spin, Bella?" Jazz cocked a grin.

I cleared my throat as I took my place behind the mic.

"Okay, Bella. Wait for Jazz to cue you, because Rosalie and I sort of added an intro." Ali cautioned.

Emmet tapped out the beginning beat with his drumsticks and they caught me off guard when the girls started with a slow, sad sounding tune that reminded me of Dido's "Here With Me" intro. I didn't see how it could fit the song I had written, but when Jazz cued me, I slowed the lyrics down and lowered the key to match what they were playing. Once I finished singing the first two lines, Emmet came in with the drum beat and Jazz picked up the perkier, more upbeat rhythm on his guitar, converting the sorrowful undertone into the happy, love-filled song that I had written.

_It was perfect._

Their music transformed the song just like Edward's love had transformed me – from a wounded, mournful beginning to a hopeful, optimistic romantic.

As the song approached the end, Jazz and Emmet backed out, leaving it back to the two girls to carry out the mellow notes. Except, by now, the notes were no longer sad – they were complete. It carried the song from the cheerful, lighthearted, easygoing place to something more grounded, real and solid. They took my words of discovery and made it their own, cradling it perfectly in the arms that were Eclipse.

The basement door burst open as Edward ran down the stairs. "I did it!" He swooped me up into his arms, spinning me around joyously. "Next Saturday! All four representatives our coming to the bar to watch you play next Saturday! They are gonna _love_ you!"

There was hugging and kissing all around as a bigger, better opportunity loomed on the horizon and I knew, with Edward at the helm, we were going to be unstoppable.

**A/N:** _Alright buddies and pals! You know how this works! I pour my imagination out for your amusement and then you pay me back by taking three minutes to click the review button and tell me what you think. Ready? Set! Review!_


	44. Grounded

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I'm just the lunatic who likes playing pretend with her creations..._

Warning: _No lemon. No lime._

Approx: _12 Pages/__ 5,572 Words_

**CHAPTER 44: GROUNDED**

"Favorite animal?" I asked as we twisted around a particularly sharp curve.

"Mountain lion."

"Really?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. Why not?"

I giggled. "No, it's just…you move like a large cat sometimes. Like, the other day when you jumped out of the Jeep in all that black, you reminded me of a panther."

He laughed. "I love how powerful and graceful they are. They're just pure beastly muscle, yet their elegant and classy and smooth. So, I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

"It was _definitely_ a compliment." I reassured him.

"Well then, thank you very much." He brought our interlocked hands up so that he could kiss my knuckles. "Okay, my turn. Favorite gemstone?"

"Well, it used to be sapphire because that's my birthstone, but now I prefer emeralds."

"Hmm…why the change?"

"Because emeralds remind me of your eyes…" He flashed a flirty little sideways glance at me. "Favorite sport?"

"Baseball…it's the all American past time!" He answered with a boyish smile.

"Have you ever played?"

He nodded with childlike enthusiasm. "Phil used to coach my little league team. He convinced my parents that it might help me overcome my shyness. I played well, but I still refused to talk to anyone." He laughed. "What kind of extracurricular activities did you partake in as a kid?"

"Well, my mom put me in a ballet when I was six."

He perked up. "Did you have to wear one of those frilly pink skirts? Now _that_ is something I have to see!" He laughed, trying to imagine it.

"For your information, yes, I did have the standard pink tutu and leotard. But I was awful. I begged her to pull me out of the class after three months. After that, I just participated in whatever my mom did. She was always coming up with different wacky ideas. We did a lot of arts and crafts projects. I think my favorite was when we made candles out of beeswax. Every once in a while, we'd rent a booth at a local flea market and try to sell the things we made. We'd meet all kinds of interesting people that way." The corners of his eyes scrunched up with his warm smile. "Favorite guilty pleasure?"

He puckered his lips in deliberation. "Are you sure you want to know this? It might be a deal breaker."

"Oh, now I _have_ to know." I leaned towards him in intrigue.

"Kesha." He whispered.

I put my hand to my forehead dramatically. _"No! Say it isn't so!"_

He threw his hands up defensively. "I know, I know…the woman's a freak…but you have to admit that her music is catchy…I mean, 'TiK ToK' is pure brilliance…"

We were within the town limits now. We'd be home in less than ten minutes. "Bella, where do you stand on religion?"

We had been asking lighthearted questions in such rapid-fire succession that this one caught me off guard. That was our way of filling the silence until something important popped into our heads. I thought about this one carefully before even attempting to answer.

"Well, my father was raised catholic, but he hasn't gone to church since he was a child. My mom got on a religious kick one summer and took me to a non-denominational church a couple of times a week, but that was over by the time school started back up. So, I guess my parents both taught me that there was a higher power out there that was to be respected, but it was never a priority. They just raised me to be thankful and do my best to be the kind of person my God would want me to be.

"I started thinking more about it when I was a teenager. I guess I sort of identified myself as being more spiritual than religious, so to speak. For example, when I stayed with my dad in the summer, Jake and his friends would put together a drum circle every once in a while. The rez has a drum circle in the community center every Wednesday night, but this was sort of our private thing. Anyway, I'd spend the night at Jake's house on Friday. He'd wake me up around four Saturday morning and we'd hike out to the beach where his friends had a fire started. We'd sit around the fire singing songs or telling stories and then, just before the sun peaked over the horizon, they'd start on the drums. Even though it was just a bunch of us kids playing around, it always felt so monumental. I would be moved by the rhythm of the drums as the waves crashed against the shore and the smoke drifted up towards the clouds. Before I met you, I never felt closer to God than I did on those Saturday mornings."

As I spoke, Edward pulled up to the apartment building and slid the gear into park. "Before you met me?"

I felt my face grow serious and intense, but I couldn't bring myself to say what I was thinking. I couldn't find the courage to tell him how being with him, sharing his life and inviting him into mine brought me closer to a higher power. It seemed silly to confess that I had thanked God more in the past six weeks than I had in the last six years of my life. Forget trying to explain how being with him – feeling his body move simultaneously outside and inside of mine – brought me to an entirely new spiritual plane of being.

That just sounded like the kind of crap some cheesy, romance writing hack would make up.

So, instead, I settled on a meek little smile and a nod.

Somehow, I think he knew all of the things I wasn't willing to say.

"I'd like to experience that, sometime. The drum circle." He clarified. "It sounds pretty incredible." He mused.

"Really?" I asked. He nodded emphatically. "I'll see what I can do."

I watched Edward sleep peacefully beside me for an hour before I couldn't sit still anymore. So, I threw on a robe and padded into the kitchen and baked three batches of muffins – blueberry, chocolate chip and banana nut. With the muffins spread out on my cooling rack, I decided to jump in for a long, relaxing shower. The pulsing jets felt good against my neck, shoulders and back that had seemingly grown tense with excitement. In no particular rush to get anywhere, I straightened the waves out of my hair as I blew it dry and proceeded to work it into a tight French braid. I was never really good at it, so it took a couple of tries and some intense concentration in order to get it right.

It took a half an hour for the weather channel to reassure me that the rain would hold out until about sometime right before noon. So, I packed the muffins and the blanket into the back of Edward's car and snuck back in to wake him up gently.

"Baby, wake up. I have a surprise for you." I smoothed his hair back out of his face.

Although his eyes remained closed, he got a sleepy, cocky grin on his face. "Really, baby? _Now_?"

One look at the tented sheets told me where his mind was going.

_Oh, what the hell. If I'm going to wake him up this early, I might as well make it a good morning for him!_

Half an hour later, Edward was in a pair of his own jeans and a plain white tee with Jasper's leather jacket on top and the tan hiking boots that Em had loaned him the other night. He was dozing off in the passenger seat, clinging to the thermos of coffee I made him with both hands as I drove into the night.

As I climbed out of the driver's seat, the steady sound of the drums followed a cool breeze into the car, waking Edward gently from his dream. He blinked several times and rubbed at his eyes disoriented.

"We're here, baby."

Aside from the moment I brought him to climax, he hadn't been truly awake to understand where I was taking him. As I grabbed the muffins and large thermos of hot chocolate from the back seat, I watched the understanding slowly illuminate his eyes. "You brought me to a drum circle?"

"Yup." I smiled easily, tossing the blanket over to the front seat. "Mind grabbing the blanket?"

He slid out of the passenger seat and stretched his limbs out fully before reaching in to grab the blanket and his coffee and shutting the door. I was already by his side with the treats. "If they're talking when we get there, then it's okay for us to talk. However, if all you hear is the drums, that means they've already started the welcoming of the sun and it's too late for talking. Its part of the little ritual we made up. In that case, we just slip in quietly and listen, drum or hum along until the sun completely rises. Okay?"

"If they're talking, I talk. If they're not talking, I'm not talking. Follow their lead. Got it." He took a huge gulp of his coffee and shook his head, attempting to clear some of the sleepy haze.

As I expected, my little wake-up call for Edward made us arrive later than I anticipated, so we walked in amidst the silent drum beats. I lead him over to the edge of one of the huge driftwood trees, bleached white by its days lazing in the sun. I pushed the thermos into the sand so that it wouldn't tip over and laid the muffins beside me as he enveloped us in the blanket.

Everyone nodded their heads or waved shyly with huge, friendly smiles, eager to make Edward feel comfortable. His eyes were wide with excitement and wonder as he looked around the circle appreciatively. My heart swelled as I realized that I had brought my two concepts of heaven together into one big dream come true.

I had never shared this experience with anyone who meant anything to me like Edward did. I hadn't even thought to invite James; even if I had convinced him to wake up early enough, he never would have understood.

But I could see it in Edward's eyes that he just _got it._ Not only did the majesty of the moment make him feel the same awe that it made me feel, but I could tell that he appreciated it more because it was a special part of who I am.

I was warmed in every way: the radiating sun beyond, the warmth of my friends around me, the heat of my lover beside and the pure joy and love that I fully embodied at that moment in time.

The drum beat grew frenzied as the sun awoke from slumber, rising from his mountainous bed in the east and climbing out from his cloudy cover. They beat on the drums faster and harder, finishing with one last, resounding thud as the sun fully perched in the sky.

"Good morning, Bree." Edward and I whispered to one another, smiling at the fact that we said it unison.

Nessie helped pass out the muffins and pour the hot chocolate as I took Edward around for introductions.

"So you're the new pale face." Jared quipped.

"I guess I am." Edward smiled back.

"Eh, I guess your okay. At least you have some awesome hair." I slugged Jared on the shoulder, warning him to behave.

Seth ran over excitedly, too impatient to meet Edward to sit and wait for us to make the rounds. "Hey, pretty cool drum circle, huh?"

Edward took an instant liking to Seth's energetic youthfulness. "Yeah. It was incredible."

"I know, right! I totally thought so too." Seth beamed, to Edward's bemusement.

"Like I told you, the Saturday morning circle was just something that the teenagers did." I began to explain, tussling Seth's thick, dark hair. "Seth here's just a pup, so he was too young before. He turned fifteen last week, so his sister Leah caved in and finally brought him along."

"Sucks, right? I mean, why did I have to be fifteen to wake up at the butt crack of dawn and watch the sun rise? But, whatever…it was totally worth it."

"Sorry I didn't get to see you on your birthday, but did you see what I made for you?" I instigated.

"No, what did you make?" His eyes darted around excitedly looking for the surprise.

"If you go see Nessie, she should be holding on to a double chocolate chip muffin with your name on it."

"No way!" He hugged me and I was surprised by how much he'd grown since the last time I saw him. "You're the best, Bella!" With that, he happily ran off to attack Nessie for his confection.

"Cute kid." Edward smiled brightly.

"Yeah, just don't mess with his sister. She's got quite a temper."

Embry – who I'm pretty sure was stoned - passed out on the end of one of the logs as Quil pulled out his guitar and began plucking out chords. Edward had easily settled into conversation with Nessie, Paul, Rebecca, Sam and Emily; most of who were undoubtedly telling stories about me when I was younger.

Meanwhile, Jacob asked me to go for a walk along the shore like we always used to do. It was weird, being back in this position, the tide lapping at our feet as we strolled along. The world was a different place. We were different people. If felt like a lifetime ago.

"He seems like a really good guy, Bella. Does he treat you well?" I could hear the tone of my bodyguard creeping into his voice.

"He's a dream come true, Jake. He treats me like a queen."

"Well, that's good. Don't put up with any shit like you did with that last asshole." His bushy eyebrows furrowed over deep set eyes, his look growing intense.

"What's eating at you, Jake?" The hairs on my arms and neck bristled defensively; prepping instinctively for a fight I didn't see coming.

"Do you ever wonder how life might have been different if you hadn't been with that James guy?" He shoved his hands deep down into the pockets of his windbreaker.

"Sure, Jake. I wonder about a lot of things. I wonder, with James out of the picture, if I might have met Edward the night he went to the battle of the bands. I wonder if I would have gotten as screwed up or if I would have kept my scholarship and gone off to Florida State. But wondering isn't going to change a damn thing and I'm happy where I'm at right now. So, I guess the long and the short of it is that it doesn't matter because it's what got me to this point."

"Do you think…" He let out a sigh, shaking his head as if he didn't want to finish the thought.

I stopped and grabbed his arm, willing him to look at me. "Do I think what?"

"Do you think if James hadn't been in the picture that you and I would have ever gotten together?" I could see in his eyes what I hoped I would never see again.

My heart cracked. "We're not doing this again, Jacob. Do you hear me? I don't know what you think you feel for me, but-"

He turned on me, his eyes dark as midnight. "Don't you dare try to tell me what I do and don't feel. I love Nessie, and she's wonderful, and she loves me too. It's just, now that I've been seeing you and her beside each other lately…let's just say it hasn't gone unnoticed how very much alike you are. Almost the same wavy, mahogany hair, the same chocolate eyes, the same fair skin. She comes across so sweet and innocent, but she can be crazy when she wants to and if you back her into a corner, she comes out swinging just like you. It just makes me wonder, alright?"

He shirked his arm out of my grasp, storming off down the beach.

It took me a second to screw my head on straight. When I finally decided to chase after him, I had to run to catch up with his long strides. "Jake, wait up!" I called out to him.

He didn't even slow down.

I was thankful for the yoga and bedroom aerobics as they were the only reasons I was able to catch up to him in the wet sand. I lunged for him, slipping my hand through the crook of his arm and clinging to him. "I…understand...that you are…throwing…a hissy fit…" I gasped while drawing in lungfuls of salty sea air, "…but…do you think…you could…let me…catch my breath…before…we keep…arguing…" He rolled his eyes, attempting not to give in and laugh at my antics.

"Bella-" I put my finger to his lips and shook my head to silence him.

"Can't breathe…must wait…" I bent over, putting my hands on my knees as I attempted to calm my breathing. The fire circle was completely obscured by the boulders and driftwood we had passed along the way.

He hung his head, his shoulders hunched as he walked away from me to perch atop a monstrous piece of drift wood. I sighed shoving my hands into my jacket and trudging over to climb up beside him. "What's going on, Jake? Talk to me."

He clasped his hands over his knees, staring out at the thrashing tide. An eagle plummeted from the sky heading for the white capped surf; its talon's breaking through the water before it soared back into the azure sky with its bounty. A brisk wind blew off the sea, bringing with it the smell of the ocean and the taste of salty air.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know I'm being an ass." He said to the endless horizon. "I think she's the one. I mean…I woke up with her in my arms the other day and I just watched her sleep for like, an hour or something. I was completely mesmerized by everything she did. The way the sun played in the red highlights of her hair. The way her mouth puckered when she swallowed, or the little sighing noise she made as she exhaled before rolling over to rest her head on my chest. I could have watched her like that forever. Out of nowhere, this little voice inside my head says '_She's the one.'_" He closed his eyes, swallowing deeply before turning his dark eyes on me. "And it scared the hell out of me because there was a time, not so long ago, that I thought you were the one." He hung his head low once again, breathing in deeply before staring back out at the ocean.

I snaked my arm under his, across the broad expanse of his back as I squeezed myself to him reassuringly. "Jacob – we've known each other forever. We're comfortable with each other. It's easy. But loving one another is not the same thing as being _in love_, and falling for a girl who may somewhat resemble me doesn't necessarily mean that you're secretly yearning to be with me. Maybe the fact that she seemed _familiar_ is what drew you to her in the first place, but it's all the ways that we're different that make her the right girl for you instead of me." I pulled back just far enough that I could look up into his exotic features. "Seriously, Jacob. Could you picture kissing me?"

He shrugged. "I did."

I sighed, struggling to make my point and hoping that I wasn't going to stumble upon doing the exact opposite. "Can you picture me and you in _any_ of the intimate moments you've shared with Nessie?"

He exhaled slowly, closing his eyes to the world, honestly attempting to imagine being intimately involved with me. It caught me off guard when his howling laughter broke through the silence of the morning.

I smiled despite myself. "What?"

He was laughing so hard that it made his eyes water. He swiped at the corner of his eye with his big hands, shaking his head. "I tried and you were right. It was absolutely hysterical." He took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself, only to break out into another roar of laughter as he tried to explain it to me a little further. "Let's just say, in my imagination, you fell off the bed before we could get anywhere…"

"Hey!" I slugged him on the shoulder. "I've got skills, I'll have you know!" I joined in on the laughter, hugging his muscled arm tightly, enjoying the easy camaraderie.

The laughter slowly gave way to quiet chuckles, and then silence as we regained control of our breath, staring out at the blue-green water.

"I love her. I love her so much that it scares the hell out of me, because I keep waiting for her to figure out that she's too good for me. I want to give her everything I have…but what do I do when she finally realizes she can do so much better? I'll have nothing left." He cupped his hands around his mouth, blowing into his palms before rubbing them together briskly.

"Why in the world would you say that?"

"Look at me, Bella! I can't even trust the way I feel about her without wondering if it's some psychological BS about misplaced emotions for you! Do you really think that makes for an ideal boyfriend?"

"Yes, I do. It means that you're willing to truly look into yourself and make sure that you're in this for all the right reasons. You want to be good for her. You want to be true to her. And you don't want to give her a part of yourself unless you are sure that you can give her everything. In my book, that makes you an excellent boyfriend." I confessed.

He rubbed his hand over mine, which were clasped tightly around his bicep. "She's so open with me. She wears her heart right on her sleeve, puts it all right out there for me, fearlessly, as if she has no doubt in her mind that I will take care of it. She puts her tiny little arms around me, looking up into my eyes with all the trust in the world and I want to pour my heart out to her, because she wants it and she deserves it. I'm just so afraid of messing it all up. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm such an oaf that I'll just end up spewing random nonsense in a ruined attempt to get my point across. I wish I was like Edward that way. I wish I could write pretty words that would make her swoon, instead of the bullshit that usually starts forming in my mind. I end up sounding like that kid who pulls the girl's pigtails on the playground." He made a stupid face, speaking in a dorky, childlike voice. "Geez, you're pretty. Wanna see my snail collection?"

I laughed at the big dork. "Tell her, Jake. If there's one thing I learned from losing Bree, it's that life it too short. Once you realize that _every moment_ is special, you stop waiting for special moments. You never know when it's going to be too late. It doesn't matter if you write her poetry, sing a song, or spell the damn thing out in snails…the only thing you have to be afraid of is losing the chance to tell her how you feel. Everything else…all the rest of it…no matter what happens, you'll live through it."

He pulled his arm out of my grasp, wrapping it around my shoulders in a warm, brotherly hug. "Tell me…does Edward know how you feel?"

I swallowed, realizing I'd been caught. "He knows I love him. I think I've told him enough."

"Enough?" Without looking, I knew he was raising an eyebrow curiously at me.

"Well, I haven't been with Edward as long as you've been with Nessie, so it's a little different. I mean, I've told him I love him and that I'm all his. There's no need for me to rush into things." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him or myself.

"And if you went back to the fire and he was gone…if you never saw him again…what _didn't_ you tell him?" He persevered.

That knocked the wind right out of me; the thought of returning to the drum circle to find Edward absolutely gone from my life. I attempted to catch my breath before continuing. "It's crazy, really. I've only known him for two months…" I let the sentence drift off, unable to bring myself to say anymore.

"And yet?" Jacob prodded, rubbing his hand up and down my arm to warm me up and bring me out of my silence.

"I can see my future with him. I can see welcoming him home after a hard day at work. I can picture fishing trips with our children. What I _can't_ see is my life without him." A shiver ran through me as I felt a chill down to my bone.

"So, why haven't you told him?"

"It just seems too soon. It's insane to feel that strongly bound to someone after only two months. You know I don't believe in that shit. Love takes time…it's supposed to creep up on you slowly…like a wedgie. It's not supposed to blindside you like a slap in the face. That's just not realistic! I spent three years believing that I was in love with James and I wasn't. How in the world can I trust my feelings for Edward after eight weeks? What in the world do I know about being in love?"

Jacob chuckled in amusement. "Sounds like you need to take a big, heaping dose of your own advice, Bells. What would you regret more – telling him how you feel and losing him, or having him disappear tomorrow without ever knowing?"

I shrugged childishly. "I don't know – both of those options sound like crap." I jumped off the driftwood, my feet planting deeply into the soggy sand. "Now if you'll excuse me, all this talk about Edward disappearing from the fire circle has made me a little anxious, so I'm going to go find him. You coming?"

He drew his legs up on top of the massive trunk, sitting Indian style. "Naw, you go on without me. Think I'm just gonna sit here and think for a little while."

"Alrighty. Love you, Jake." I called, staring up at the handsome native.

"Love you too, Bells." He smiled down at me before retraining his gaze on the waves crashing against the sharp, mountainous peaks that jutted out of the water a mile or so from shore.

I hadn't realized how far Jacob and I had come along the shore until I finished the long walk back to the drum circle.

Sam sat alone, quietly staring into the dying embers of the fire as I trudged by. "Hey there, tiger…you look worried. What's going on?"

I marched closer, planting my feet into the sand, my eyes searching frantically for my missing lover. "Jacob's planted a whole bunch of stupid shit in my head that I can't get out."

Sam cocked his head to the side in exasperation, rolling his eyes with a sigh. "_He didn't..."_ He scowled in rhetorical incredulity.

"No, he didn't make a move on me. Thankfully, I think we are completely over that now._"_

Sam patted the bleached bark beside him in invitation.

I shook my head. "I can't sit right now, Sam. If it's all the same, I really just want to find Edward. Do you know where he went?"

He huffed, the breath grumbling deep within his chest. "I think the kid talked him into going back to the Clearwater's place to play Wii. He seems like a great guy – not at all like your last boyfriend."

I sighed in exasperation. _Would my friends and family ever stop comparing him to James?_

I realized that wasn't fair of me, considering that I, myself, was constantly thinking of him as an upgrade.

"He's terrific. I'm terribly lucky." '_So tell him that.'_ Jacob echoed in my head.

"Where is Jacob, anyway? You didn't drown him in the ocean, did you?" He looked at me skeptically.

"He'll be back soon. He wanted to think for a little while. Just keep an eye on him for me. Make sure that he doesn't try to self-destruct. Nessie's good for him…don't let him fuck it up, okay?"

Sam chuckled in that deep baritone of his. "I'll do my best, Bella…but you're asking for miracles here."

I bent down, wrapping my arms around his massive shoulders. "Give me a call if he can't get his act together?"

"I already got you on speed dial."

"Booyah, Eddie my friend!" I heard Seth tout as I approached their quaint, wooden house.

"Geez, kid! Take it easy on me – I'm new at this." Edward replied, grunting in exertion.

I snuck onto the porch, staring into the screen door where Edward and the man-child were bouncing around on the balls of their feet playing virtual tennis.

"Jared told me that tennis was a pale-skin's game. What's the matter, man? You're letting your race down!" Seth continued to smack talk.

"Do you want to talk, or do you want to play, because I assure you that I can't do both!" Edward yelled back, lunging for the electronic ball and missing terribly.

"I can see that…you're terrible!"

I giggled, taking advantage of their distraction to pull the squeaky screen door open and step inside.

"Aw, baby…are you letting Seth win? He's a big boy, you know, he can take care of himself." I prodded, trying to give Edward an out.

"Yeah, well…he's a friend of yours, so I was trying to make him feel good."

"Naw-aw!" Seth proclaimed, his jaw dropping in disbelief. "You wouldn't!"

Edward placed the controller against Seth's gut while patting him on the back. "You'll never know, little man…_you'll never know._" His smile was glorious as he strolled cockily away, easing his arms around me. "Missed you."

In his arms, all of my troubles melted away. "We should go – it's supposed to rain soon."

The skies opened up just as we eased back into the car. "So you were letting Seth win, huh?" I asked, biting my lip and cocking my eyebrow playfully.

Edward shook his head and grinned as the car stumbled across the rocky ground. "_Man, _that kid was kicking my butt! He must be a freaking Wii prodigy!"

"Hmm…so I finally found something you're not good at…" I mused as I stared at the window.

He barked a laugh. "Are you kidding me? I'm terrible at lots of stuff."

I rolled my head, looking up at him through my lashes. "Edward – you're practically perfect in every possible way. It's starting to give me a complex." I teased.

"Seriously, Bella? I mean, I'm glad that you love me so wholeheartedly, but it's going to be difficult for me to live up to the pedestal you put me on, and that's an awfully long way to fall."

"Really? Like you don't exalt me to the point of sainthood, sometimes? That can't be healthy either. So why don't you convince me how terrible you are? Make me see the light of day."

"Okay, for one, my smile is all lopsided." He said in all seriousness.

"That is not a flaw, Edward. I've memorized every single one of your smiles and there's not one of them that isn't a panty dropper. I, on the other hand, am ghastly white. The kids on the rez used to joke with Jacob that he had a ghost haunting him."

"Your skin is the perfect color of peaches and cream, Bella. It's absolutely flawless. I try to avoid reflective surfaces when I'm out with friends because I hate it when I catch myself making a goofy face, which I tend to do all the time." The corners of his lips pulled up moderately.

I thought of his many expressions, running through a few silly moments that had made me laugh. "I love your goofy faces…At least you don't chew holes in your lip…" I challenged.

And so the car ride home consisted of us recalling all of our biggest failures and flaws in a sick, twisted, backwards game of one-upmanship. For every single mistake he made and downfall he listed, I pulled one out of my own life, matching him quid pro quo.

As we tore ourselves down, the other continuously built us back up, polishing the ugly bits and pasting them back in place with love. It wasn't denial…we painted ourselves as human and began to see each other for who we really were. Conversely, it was acceptance. We looked the negatives in the eye, acknowledged them for what they were and pieced them all back together to say _"I see you for who you truly are and yet, I love you just the same."_

The pedestals had been demolished.

_We were grounded._

**A/N:**_ The review button hasn't moved. Hasn't gone anywhere. You know where it's at, so stop playing coy and click on the thing already! The anticipation is driving me insane!_


	45. Long Ride Home

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The brilliant parts of the story are what happened when my Beta read the crap I wrote and made it better. Thanks Beta!_

Warning: _Where have all the lemons gone?_

Approx: _11 __Pages/__ 4,662 Words_

**CHAPTER 45: LONG RIDE HOME**

"Well, I'm so very glad you found room for me on your very busy social calendar, Princess." Felix jabbed.

I slipped my arms around his thick waist. "I'm sorry, Fifi! I know I've been terrible."

He didn't return the hug. Instead, he patted my head patronizingly. "It's okay…it's one of the many symptoms of falling in love. Where do you want to go?"

"I'm all yours for the afternoon, so it's up to you."

"Good. In that case, we're going to the mall to stalk the cute new guy at Hot Topic."

Soon, we were at the mall eating pretzels from Auntie Anne's on a bench located directly outside the quirky boutique, blatantly staring at a blonde, blue-eyed import from California who appeared to be fresh from the surf. "Hello, handsome. I've missed you." Felix whispered for my benefit only as he nibbled seductively on the salty treat.

"You come here often?"

"Bella, this is no time for pick-up lines. I'm trying to focus, can't you tell?" He mumbled distractedly. I nudged him with my elbow. "Okay, okay. No, I haven't been that often. At least, not as often as I'd like to be here if Demetri weren't such a jealous, insecure lunatic."

"Trouble in paradise?" I asked, pinching off a bite and popping it into my mouth.

"Eh…" He shrugged non-committally. "Things are as they've always been, I suppose. I'm just seeing it a lot more now that I'm not continuously distracted by my mission to get you laid. How's that going, by the way?"

"Project Orgasmo is a complete and utter success." I grinned wickedly.

"Really? Tell me more…"

I found it was easier talking to Felix about it than it had been with the girls – probably because he had been the only one who had ever been entirely wrapped in my sexploits without judgment.

"Oh my God, Felix…he's _extraordinary._ It's different with him _every freaking time_."

"Is he…" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"_Very."_ I answered proudly.

"I knew it! Ever since I saw him in those tight black jeans!"

The green eyed beast growled ridiculously from his corner. I ignored him.

"So, what do you mean it's different every time?"

I bit on my lip, contemplating how to explain myself. "Well, you know how it was with James."

"James Three-Thrust Minuteman? Yeah, I remember."

I snorted at our ever lasting nickname for him. "It was just always the same. It was never exciting or creative or unique. Each fuck was exactly like the last. Sleeping with him was just so incredibly mundane. But Edward…_my God!_...he's just so _different._ There's times when he's sweet and slow and tender and he brings me there on a prayer. Then there's these times when it's absolutely unexpected – completely driven by lust and physical desire and it's rough and hard and fast. And then there are the moments when it's controlled and flirty, playful and wild where he makes me want to do things I've never even imagined doing."

Felix gripped my knee hard. "Dear God, Bella. Are you _trying_ to drive me crazy? Please, stop! I can't sit here staring at surfer boy and take any more of this!"

I laughed out loud. "Welcome to my world. I can barely keep my hands off of him. I attacked him in Carlisle's office Friday afternoon."

"Was Carlisle there?" He teased.

"Fifi, he could have been snapping pictures from his desk chair and I wouldn't have noticed. _That's _the problem." I laughed back.

Felix sighed. "Think he could teach Demetri a thing or two?"

"Um…sorry, I don't see that happening." I laughed. "So what's going on with you two?"

"He spends all his time with Gianna and the terror twins. You know I can't stand those little freaks." He snarled.

"I forget, what is it about Jane and Alec that drives you so crazy?" I popped the last bite of pretzel into my mouth, crumbling up the tiny slip of wax paper.

"They're just weird. All dark and brooding and shit. Not to mention that they act more like a couple in love than siblings. Worst of all, Demetri can be a real pretentious bastard when he hangs out with them too much. He comes home sometimes acting like a pompous ass, treating me like I'm just some stupid muscle-head." He pouted.

I scrunched up my mouth, attempting to bite back the words that I wanted to say.

_It didn't work._

"You're right. That's the same way he's always been."

Felix turned towards me with an expression that said _"Great…thanks a lot", _only to crack up laughing when he actually looked at my face.

"You know it's true, don't you?" I snorted, joining in the laughter.

Felix's eyes wandered back over to Hot Topic. "Maybe I should trade Demetri in for surfer boy."

I swatted him on the shoulder. "You are so bad!"

"Hey, I'm not the one getting it on in the doctor's office!" He chuckled.

I swatted him again. "Why don't you say that a little louder, Fifi! I'm pretty sure my friends in Vancouver didn't hear you!"

His lips parted wide as if he were ready to proclaim it to the world. I grabbed the remainder of his pretzel and shoved it into his mouth quickly, causing him to choke as he started cracking up at my diversion tactics.

I immediately felt terrible, pounding him on the back to clear the obstruction – but the fact that he was still laughing calmed the guilt.

"So, where is Mr. Well-Hung-Sex-God anyway?" He changed the subject as he chewed on the dough.

"Well, he's agreed to become the band's manager, so Ali's taking him on a shopping spree for a new wardrobe."

"I thought you loved him? Why would you subject him to that kind of torture?" He asked, flabbergasted.

I put my hands up defensively. "I warned him! It was his decision… But, for what it's worth, I think Ali may have finally found her match. He's given her quite a long list of limitations, and her only concession was that I couldn't come along."

"Oh, so if it weren't for Ali forbidding you, I still wouldn't have seen you for another month or so?" He pursed his lips in challenge.

"I'm sorry, Felix. I'll get better at balancing Edward with the rest of my life. I promise – I'm working on it."

"I know." He conceded, letting his eyes wander back to the blonde cutie behind the cash register.

Since it was getting late and we were already in Port Angeles, I texted everyone to tell them that I would meet them at the bar. When surfer boy got off around three o'clock, we decided to grab a bite to eat. Felix told me about this new little Italian restaurant that reminded him of me. He had been waiting for an opportunity to take me there so we could try it.

I figured out the connection when we pulled up in front of a sign that read "La Bella Italia". I rolled my eyes at him as I slid my seatbelt off. "You are so lame, Fifi."

"What? It has Bella in the name, so _of course_ I thought of you. What did you expect? I didn't say I was creative…" He defended as he stretched out of the sports car, reminding me of the coat rack that Mary Poppins pulled out of her magical carpet bag.

As we dined on mushroom ravioli, garlic bread and Coke, I explained what had happened with Jacob.

Felix leaned across the table, enthralled by the drama. "He has a point, you know? You really should learn to practice what you preach."

I was tearing a breadstick into tiny pieces, suddenly too anxious to eat. "I know. It just seems too fast. The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be the best part. I'm just worried if we rush through this anymore than we already have, that our relationship will just end up like some flash in the pan. That would kind of ruin my whole 'happily ever after' idea for us, ya know?"

All of my doubts and insecurities flooded back to me. As Edward and I played our little game of confessions, this was the one that most frequently popped into my mind, and it was the only one I wouldn't say out loud.

He reached across the table, engulfing my wrist in his grip. "Princess, what are you waiting for? When do you feel it will finally be right to tell him exactly how you feel?"

My fingers were now clawing at the garlic treat feverishly. "I don't know…how am I supposed to know when enough time has passed for this kind of thing?"

"_Exactly_. There is no deadline you have to meet. The only person who is applying a minimum waiting period for your happiness is you. Damn girl, a man can get a permit to carry a gun faster than he can get you to express your feelings. Doesn't that seem a little odd to you?"

I frowned, once again feeling like a stubborn child. "It doesn't make it right for me to tell him now." I pouted.

"It doesn't make it wrong, either." He countered. "Wouldn't you want to know if he felt the same?"

_He got me on that one. If he felt the same way and just had the nerve to tell me, we could be past all of this already._

"Anyway, he was telling Renee the same thing – that he was scared because he could already see our future together and he didn't want to tell me because he was afraid it would scare me off." I bit my lip, feeling guilty once again for listening.

" What in the world do you have to lose?" He pressed.

My ravioli was cold and the bread I had torn apart was dissolving in the oily sauce. "I'm so afraid I'm gonna screw this up."

"_Tell him, Bella._ The only way you're going to screw this up is if you keep holding yourself to some preset statute of limitations to finally tell him how you feel."

"If I tell him, he'll have absolute power over me. If he leaves, it won't be like it was with James. You won't have to pick up the broken pieces, Fifi." I warned soberly. "_There will be nothing left to pick up_."

"Do you really think he's going to leave you?" His eyebrows rose high on his forehead to stress the point.

I pouted petulantly. "I didn't think James would cheat on me either." It was stupid, I know, but I was a kitten trying to hiss its way out of a corner.

He sighed in exasperation. "Then its better that you tell him now before you get any more involved." He smiled sadly at me, and then suddenly perked up. "That way we can get you back on the open market before you get old, wrinkly and undesirable. I could really use another project."

I snatched my hand away angrily, but couldn't help laughing when I saw the mischievous gleam in his eye.

We wandered into the bar just as Em and Jazz were setting up the equipment. Felix offered to help them carry stuff in as I went into the dressing room to look for the girls.

"Bella, you're late!" Al harped.

"Alice, we don't go on for another hour. Surely I don't look so hideous that it will take more than an hour for you to turn me into a rock star?"

She jutted out her hip with her hands on her waist. "Well I don't know, with that ugly attitude, the transformation might be impossible!"

I turned to Rosie, who was snickering on the couch. "What's her problem?"

"It was a long day with Edward. She's not used to being thwarted. I don't think she was ready for him." Ro smirked, bemused.

My heart sank. "Did it go that bad?"

She laughed. "For the most part, no. They seemed to have a good time. She's mostly upset that he used part of his pre-set budget to buy something that wasn't for himself, thereby cutting in to her spending money."

"Here." Ali thrust a gift bag into my hands, attempting to appear angry though I could see the excitement light up her eyes. "I want you to know that I wasn't against him buying this…I just don't think it was right for it to affect my credit limit for the day." She pouted.

I read the tiny card that came with the bag. "Looking forward to playing around with this tonight." I reached past the tissue paper, my fingers touching upon something cool and smooth. I pulled out a sexy chemise with garters. The stretch satin panel on the front and back were a blood red color with intricate vines embroidered in black. There was lace trim along the bust and the side panels were a lightweight, black mesh.

_Just looking at the damn thing made me hot!_

"I'll have you know that he picked it out entirely on his own. I just helped him find the right size." Ali bragged, her eyes turning dark as she added "And it cost a pretty penny, too!" She really didn't like her budget being spoiled.

"I'll tell you what, Al. You and I will go out later and spend the same amount on him, okay? You can buy him whatever you want to buy him, no questions asked. Is that better?"

She bounced up and down happily. "Yes! So much better! There was this one shirt I wanted him to try on, but I couldn't because it was outside of our price range…" With that, Ali's mood perked right up.

She chatted on merrily about her big plans as I slipped into the figure accentuating chemise. I hoped the girls didn't notice how my nipples hardened as the sensual material slipped over my body.

The outfit Alice picked out for me barely covered the sexy lingerie. The zebra print dress hugged my curves tightly, the black lace of the chemise peeking out over the strapless top. The dress stopped only an inch below my ass, revealing most of my garters. I was going to have to be very careful onstage if I didn't want to moon the audience. I mean, this was a little revealing, even for Ali's crazy, rock star version of me.

My jaw dropped when she pulled out a pair of the sharpest, tallest stiletto, knee-high boots I had ever seen. "Are you crazy, Ali? First, you put me in a dress that hardly has enough material to create a child's onesie, and then you put me in a pair of ten inch lady killers? Are you screwing with me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be a drama queen, Bella. It's not becoming. Besides, these are going to make your legs look _fan-tas-tic!"_

I sat back onto the sofa carefully a she knelt down in front of me, holding the right shoe out for me like I was some kind of rock-n-roll Cinderella. I huffed and stuffed my foot inside, waiting patiently as she helped me with the intricate laces that ran from my ankle all the way up my calf. At this rate, she wasn't joking when she suggested we'd need more than an hour for me to get ready. Rosie picked up the other shoe and pushed it onto my foot, working tediously through the laces on that boot as well. They had my legs splayed apart as they tugged on the laces, putting me in a position that left me no choice but to lean back and let them go at. I took the opportunity to complain thoroughly.

"This has got to be the most ridiculous outfit you have ever put me in, Al. I am going to break a fucking leg before the night's through. We're gonna have to give the audience a disclaimer before we start. _Sorry folks, but due to the dangerous nature of my ensemble tonight, there will be no dancing. Hope you don't mind if I just sit on this stool and sing."_

I continued rambling moodily as the girls tied the laces into cute little bows at the side of my knees.

Rosie pulled me up to my unsteady feet as Ali went around behind me and grabbed my hips, pushing me towards the full length mirror.

_But hell, do I look fucking awesome!_

My legs went on _for miles_, flexed in a way that made my thighs look tight and strong. The angle of the heels made my ass stick out, looking rounder and fuller than I'd ever seen it. Meanwhile, balancing required that I thrust my chest forward, my cleavage remarkably accentuated by the delicate lace. The zebra stripes wrapped horizontally around me, making my waist look even tinier and my hips look more prominent.

Rosie tousled my hair so it appeared as if I had just come back from safari, then pulled it up into a loose bun, piercing it with a zebra print hair stick to hold it in place. Meanwhile, Ali retrieved something from the clothing rack.

With the heels, I now towered over Alice, so she handed the material to Rosie to slip over my shoulders. A knee-length, shiny, black patent leather trench coat provided just enough coverage to make me feel more comfortable in the skimpy dress.

Al ran around in front of me, drawing the trench coat tight around my waist with a matching, zebra print belt. "So, I'm thinking you come out like this, looking appropriately tasteful. Then, as you feel the time is right, _bam!"_ I jumped as she clapped her hands in front of my face. "Off come the belt and down comes the hair. You're a vixen in disguise!"

I smirked down at the tiny dynamo. "I'd bow down at your feet, oh mighty Alice, but I'm afraid I'd twist my ankle on the long way down."

Emmet pounded on the door. "Come on!" Aro's introducing us! Let's get this show on the road."

"Just a second, love bug!" Rosie called out. "First, we gotta make sure she can walk in these heels." She said for my and Ali's benefit only.

They held onto my forearms as I turned away from the mirror. I was still wobbly, but getting better. They made me walk back and forth across the tiny dressing room until they were confident I had found my center of gravity. A couple of minutes later, I was feeling pretty confident, appreciating the way the heels made my hips sway back and forth with every step.

"Okay. I got it. Let's do this." I said, holding my head up high. I strolled confidently out of the dressing room, past Emmet and Jazz towards the stage door with Al and Ro proudly flanking me like three absolutely bad-ass chicks. The three of us smiled wickedly as their jaws hit the floor.

"Wipe the drool, boys…_we're on."_ Ali said, feeling pretty satisfied with herself.

There were whistles from the crowd as we took the stage. I was thankful to find that there was indeed a black stool by the mic, so I wouldn't have to stand in these heels the entire time. I sat down, crossing my legs with just a little bit of my milky white thigh peeking through between the boots and the coat.

Emmet and Jasper followed out a second later, looking pretty humbled.

I wasn't sure where Edward was – he wasn't in the seat at stage left that I had come to dub as his. Instead, I played up the part I was dressed to play, loving how powerful and raw it made me feel and loving the control it gave me over the audience.

Emmet started a slow beat on the drums as we started one of our slow, seductive songs. Even unable to see them, I could feel the girl's sexual energy backing me up, working the crowd into a frenzy.

The single men stared at us with burning desire in their eyes. The guys that had come with their dates started reaching over and pulling their girls close, running their hands up their thighs or whispering kisses sensuously along their necks.

Meanwhile, the women were embracing their own inner sex fiend - playing it cool, driving their men wild with their cocky indifference or giving in just enough to make their guys beg for more.

_Holy crap, we're about to start an orgy!_

I edged my finger along the top of my boots, allowing the coat to hitch up slightly as we played a couple more of our down beat songs. It was as if we were engaging in musical foreplay with the audience, building them up slowly one note at a time.

Knowing that we were going to give it to them hard and rough with the fourth song, I winked at Ali before going into my little strip tease.

"Wow, I'd have to say that you all might be our hottest crowd yet. Is anyone else getting hot in here?"

The audience whooped and hollered as I fanned myself and dabbed at my forehead. "We're all friends here, right?" I teased.

"Yeah!" They yelled back enthusiastically.

"Well then, why don't we make ourselves a little more comfortable? You all look so formal and stuffy in those coats. Why don't you slip them off? Make yourselves at home." A couple of people slipped out of their jackets, but some of the audience members looked unsure for some reason.

Feeling empowered, my eyes zeroed in on a group of guys all wearing high school jackets that didn't even appear old enough to be there. "Oh, why so shy?" I cooed, standing up from the stool and sauntering over towards the edge of the stage. "I'll tell you what." I stage whispered, fiddling with the knot that held the coat closed. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Emmet coughed and sputtered behind me, probably taken off guard by my sudden burst of confidence. It worked, though. The guys' faces all flushed, their eyes bugging out of their sockets as they fumbled out of the jackets.

I started to untie the knot, my eyes grazing over the rest of the room, landing on every unattached man I could find. Each time my eyes landed on someone, they would swallow before taking off their jacket and I would undo the sash just a little more, playing each and every one of them.

In the back, a dangerous looking man leaned confidently against a smoky, dimly lit corner of the room. He was surrounded by shadows – I couldn't make out the color of his slicked back hair. He wore a leather biker's jacket, buff arms folded across his chest. A wallet chain hung limply from his ripped, dark blue jeans; one black boot was crossed casually over the other. I arched an eyebrow, unable to meet his eyes in the darkness. He stepped forward into the pool of light being cast downward by a hanging lamp and my heart leapt into my throat.

_Edward Cullen would make one fuck-hot bad ass._

He looked pissed and, although that upset and worried me, it also _really_ turned me on. He slipped his jacket off, revealing a plain black tee and a thick, silver chain around his neck. The short sleeves were rolled all the way up to his shoulders – the light and shadows playing over the dips and curls of his muscular arms.

With my eyes now burning into his emerald gaze from across the room, I untied the sash and turned around, allowing my coat to slip off of my shoulders slightly as I sashayed back towards center stage. I grabbed the pin in my bun, releasing my hair in a cascade of waves as I turned back around to the audience. "There. Now isn't that much better?"

Edward had returned to his post in the shadows.

"You all ready to rock and roll?" I called out, riling the audience up.

They responded eagerly and Jazz led us off on our first upbeat song of the night.

After that, the sexual tension ebbed and flowed depending on the kind of song we sang, but it never totally dissipated. As the night wore on, I started to feel a little more stressed about the anger I had seen in Edward's eyes.

_Had I read him right? Was he angry or intense? Maybe he was just as turned on as I was? It was too dark and he was simply too far away to know for sure._

My uncertainty was putting a damper on my sexual, power hungry high.

Edward was nowhere to be found during our break and he disappeared again at the end of our set. After fifteen minutes of looking for him and not seeing him anywhere, I texted him "Where are you?"

"Outside." Was his one word response.

"Where?"

"Parking lot."

I whispered into Ali's ear. "Something's wrong with Edward. I'm gonna go find him. Catch you at home later?"

Her eyes grew somber with concern as she nodded.

I couldn't fully appreciate the bad boy image Edward had going on until I came out to find him leaning back against a lamp post with one foot up against the base. His arms were folded over his chest once again, his jacket lying limp over the crook of one arm with a leather cuff around the opposite wrist. The jeans weren't as form fitting as some of the other things Ali had put him in, but they hung particularly low off of his hips, the dim light casting a shadow over that delicious little indentation. From here, I could even see the long, thick wallet chain hanging from his pocket, an iron cross and a couple of tan, leather strips hanging off from the point where it connected to his belt loop.

I never would have picked this outfit out…I don't think it ever would have even occurred to me but _holy hot damn, _now that I'd seen it, it was sure to play a part in many fantasies to come.

Unfortunately, the indifferent mask on his face interfered with my girlie parts' plans.

"Hey. What are you doing out here?"

"Waiting for the show to finish." He didn't look at me.

"Why didn't you just stay inside? You're getting wet."

He shrugged his shoulders and locked his jaw. "Are you ready to leave yet?" His voice and face were void of emotion.

I didn't have any of my things, but I was afraid to leave him alone to run back in and get them. "Sure – but can I borrow your phone to text Ali and let her know I'm leaving?"

He slipped his phone out of his pocket and tossed it to me, storming off and sliding into the car without as much as a backwards glance.

I texted Al, asking her if she would mind bringing my things home, strolling over to join him in the car once she confirmed.

He had the heater on low, but there was a definite chill in the air as the tense silence weighed on me. "Edward, what's going on?"

He clenched his teeth together. "I was hoping you could tell me."

I could feel my eyebrows furrowing, shading my eyes in confusion. "I don't know what you mean…"

He snorted without humor. "Well then, I guess we have nothing to talk about."

He had not turned his head or glanced at me even once since I came outside. I could feel my worry and hurt slowly turning towards indignant anger at the way he was behaving. Instead of lashing out at him, I chose to remain silent – attempting to focus my eyes on each and every tree that blurred by as a means of calming myself.

_It was a long ride home._

**A/N:** _Uh-oh! Trouble in paradise! What do you think is eating at Eddie? Hit the review button and give me your ideas…_

_Bella's Lingerie can be seen at .com/Spanish_Vine_Chemise/91815,default,?cgid=li19_


	46. Divine Torture

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. All the messed up stuff is my fault._

Warning: _Lemony goodness within!_

Approx: _8 Pages/__ 3,539 Words_

**CHAPTER 46: DIVINE TORTURE**

In my rush to get inside the apartment, I dropped my purse – the contents of which went flying all over the damp asphalt. Edward came around the car, bending down next to me, assumedly to help me pick up my belongings. Instead, he snatched my keys and stormed off toward the apartment, opening the door and letting himself in, leaving me to scoot around in my high heels and my short dress to gather all my things.

_What the hell?_

With no more soothing rumble of tires over the road and no more blurring trees to distract myself, I could feel my face flood with the burn of anger.

I snatched the last thing off the cold, wet ground and marched into the apartment, slamming my purse down on the counter as I barged into the bedroom.

"_What the fuck is your problem?" _I fumed.

"_I told you I wasn't perfect, Bella! I told you, despite what you might think, that I didn't have the patience of a saint!"_

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean?"_

He gripped the zebra print sash from around my waist, yanking it off of me roughly and shaking it in front of my face like some beheaded mortal enemy. _"It means that I can only take so much of watching my girlfriend flirt with every guy in the room while she performs a freaking strip tease!"_

"Oh my God! _You're jealous? That's _what this is about?"

"How the hell would you feel if the positions were reversed? How would you like it if I was in a room full of women who were throwing themselves at me?" He yelled.

"_Are you kidding me? I'd hate it! I'd hate every fucking minute of it. _I can't even stand it when my fucking _friends_ look at you!"

I wasn't really sure why I was yelling at this point, considering I was basically siding with him, but I yelled nonetheless.

He gripped the collar of my trench coat, twisting the unforgiving material into his fists. "_And the worst part of it is that this stupid part of me, deep down inside, loved every freaking minute of it."_ His enraged face was only a foot away from mine. "_This sick bastard that I never knew existed inside of me watched those guys fantasize about you and wanted me to jump on that stage and bite you, right in front of all of them so that they would know this amazing, sexy, sensual goddess was mine. I hated seeing you like that – hated watching the girl that I love perform for their sick amusement. And yet, I couldn't take my freaking eyes off of you because you were incredible and I was so proud of you for being so confident and in control and working that room into putty in your hands. Do you know how confusing that is? To love it and hate it? It's incredibly frustrating to feel so jealous and possessive and turned on and territorial and proud and angry all at the same time."_

I grabbed his hair, yanking him down to me as our lips crashed against each other, just as confused by my own emotions. Part of me – the real Bella who was quickly being buried by lust and anger – felt terrible for upsetting him, knowing how terrible jealousy is. And yet, another part rejoiced in his jealousy – would have even welcomed him to mark me on that stage, to claim me as his in front of all those people.

As my fingers knotted in his hair, a twisted need for power rose within me, growing from the high of the night's performance. I felt an insatiable craving for dominance that made me sick to my stomach and yet incredibly aroused.

His lips moved to my neck and throat, sucking and nipping at my skin eagerly. _"Control me, Bella. I'll do whatever you want…"_

_What the hell?_

"_Yesssssss…"_ Another beast within my head hissed excitedly. It was red-eyed and wicked and starved for power.

Edward sucked on my earlobe. "_Work me, Bella, just like you worked that audience. You were so hot, baby…I'm putty in your hands…"_

_Could he really want this? It's wrong! It's sick!_

"_Waaaaaaaaaant…" _The power hungry serpent murmured with its forked tongue in my ear.

There was that night with the ice cream. I had submitted all control to him; allowed him to lead me as he saw fit. He wouldn't let me touch him and it made me want him more. He wouldn't let me react and it was the sweetest torture I had ever known.

Then there was Wednesday, when he had "disciplined" me for being "bad" – for not doing as I was told. _It had been exquisite._

_And now, he's saying it's my turn._

I eagerly jumped back into the part that I was dressed for.

"Okay, Edward…we can play if you want to play. Take your hands off of me and take three steps back." He immediately did as I asked, an excited smirk dancing on his lips and a fire burning in his emerald eyes.

I circled around him, carefully looking him up and down. "You're sure dressed for the part of the bad boy…it's a shame it's just an outfit. You haven't been bad, Edward…_have you_?"

I came to stand in front of him, grabbing the wallet chain and yanking on it like a leash to pull him closer to me. His eyes lit up with excitement.

"Yes ma'am." He replied quietly.

"What kind of an answer is that?" I tsk'd. "I'm afraid you'll have to do better. Yes, you haven't been bad, or yes, you have?"

"Yes, I have been bad."

"Hmm…I find that hard to believe." I snapped the chain gently against his side, liking the feel of it but not wanting to hurt him. "Tell me, how have you been bad?"

"I was rude to you."

"Yes. Yes you were. But suppose I saw fit to excuse you for that?"

His eyes darkened unpleasantly. "I still wouldn't excuse myself."

_My poor Edward…always so hard on himself._

I struggled to stay in character. "I see. Is that all you did? Forget to use your manners? That's not very impressive."

"I yelled at you. I was rough with you. I behaved like a jealous and possessive jackass. "

I couldn't tell how much he was enjoying this or how much he was truly berating himself, so I stepped towards him, standing on tip toes to get as close to his face as possible and whispered "In all honesty, boy scout…I kind of liked those things."

I knew he was back on board when his nostrils flared and his eyes burned again. I yawned dramatically, turning my back on him and prancing away. "Like I said…too bad it's just a costume…I was really hoping you'd do something more interesting tonight."

"I jerked off in the car." I stopped suddenly, trying to hide my surprise before I turned back around.

I managed to pull off a smirk when I faced him again. "Go on…"

"I came out to the car because I was going crazy with all the warring things going on in my head, and I couldn't get the thought of how badly I wanted you out of my mind. So, I put your cd in, closed my eyes and jerked off while I imagined you performing. I came hard and fast thinking about your perfect body and your beautiful mouth and then, as the cd continued playing, I did it all over again."

Despite my attempts at self control, my breathing hitched and the moisture pooled between my thighs as I imagined my hot, conflicted boyfriend jerking off frantically in his car to images of me.

_Twice._

"I'm tired, Edward." He almost appeared disappointed as I turned my back on him again. "Help me with my coat, would you?" His fingertips ghosted idly down my bare arms as he slid the jacket off of me. He started carrying it over to the chair when I stopped him. "Uh-uh, the dress too." I could feel the tug of the zipper as he slid it down my back, hissing when he revealed the lingerie he bought for me underneath. His hand slid inside my dress, reaching for my hip. "That will be all for right now, thank you." He chuckled as he realized the game was still on.

I pranced over to the bed, sitting on the edge with my legs crossed as he laid the clothes neatly on the chair. "Your iPod is still in my player. I want you to put on your Sexing-Up-My-Girlfriend playlist for me."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he tried to refrain from grinning. As the sensual music filled the room, he started to walk towards me. I put my hand out, halting him half way. "Strip for me." He kicked off the boots quickly and reached for his belt buckle. "No, Edward." I commanded. "Move with the music. I want you to entertain me."

_I am loving every minute of this!_

He harnessed the grace of a jungle cat as he prowled over to the edge of the bed where I was sitting. He placed his foot beside my knee, bending his face down only an inch away from mine, our eyes locking on each other as he rolled his sock down, pulled it off his foot and threw it across the room.

He put his bare foot down on the carpet, repeating the tease on the other side. Except, this time, when he pulled the sock off, he left his foot on the bed, bending down low and rocking his hips provocatively so that his denim clad bulge ground against my knee.

_Fuck, that's hot!_

I had assumed Edward would hate this, but he was working it like a freaking pro!

He put his foot down and began slowly working on his belt buckle, easing it out from his pants and folding it in half, then slapping it against his thigh before tossing it onto the floor.

I couldn't remember how to swallow.

Considering I was supposed to be the cool, calm, collected one in control, I was getting _way_ too into this.

My girlie parts named this day a national holiday in his honor when he _tore his shirt wide open. _He literally grabbed the neck line and ripped the shirt right off of his body like it was made of tissue paper.

_Fuckity fuck fuck!_ My fingernails dug into the side of the bed as I gripped it tightly in an attempt to stop myself from mauling him.

He swayed his hips as he undid the button of his jeans, sliding the zipper down and parting the denim slighty to reveal nothing but his happy, hairy little trail.

_No underwear! No boxers! Just fucking him!_

My draw dropped and I moaned before I managed to get control of myself. He grabbed onto the post at the foot of my bed with one hand as his other hand ran through his hair. He undulated against the post erotically as his hand rubbed the back of his neck, moving over his shoulder, his defined chest, down his six pack, along his happy trail and right onto his dick.

I couldn't take it anymore. If I was gonna make this work, I had to get back in control and quick.

"That's enough." I ordered, my voice coming out more strained than domineering. "I want you on your knees in front of me."

He cocked a lopsided little grin at me. "As you wish." He placed his hands on the edge of the bed on both sides of my knees as he lowered himself at my feet. "One knee up." He did as I asked and I put the toe of one boot on his knee, spreading my legs in front of him as I did so. "Do you like my boots, Edward?"

A growl rumbled in his chest. "Very much so."

"Good. I'm glad. However, they are quite tedious, so I'd like you to take them off for me."

He untied the bow, working diligently to loosen the laces thoroughly all the way down my leg so that the boot slipped off quite easily.

"You may kiss the inside of my thigh, if you'd like." His eyes locked onto mine from beneath thick lashes as he brought parted lips to the naked flesh just above my hosiery and kissed gently.

_I'm gonna cum, right here, right now._

_No you're not! Pull it together!_

"The stocking too." I said arrogantly.

He unclipped the garters, wrapping his hands around my thigh and massaging down slowly, allowing the stocking to roll beneath his capable hands.

"Okay, now the other one." I said flippantly, as if I was absolutely bored with the charade.

Again, he tediously focused on loosening each and every one of the laces before sliding the boot off. His eyes locked on mine as he brought his parted lips to the inside of my other thigh, pausing just an inch away with a question in his eyes.

"May I?" He husked.

"_Yes_." I sighed wantonly, against my intentions.

He placed another sexually charged kiss on my thigh before releasing the garters and rolling the stocking slowly down my leg – his fingers tracing every sensitive curve from my thigh and my knee to my calf and my ankle, even following the stocking over the arch of my foot before he pulled it off.

"Get into bed, Edward. I want you to do something for me."

"Anything." He said as he stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed. His undone jeans slipped farther down his hips so that I could see the top of his fantastic ass as he walked away. He climbed into bed with his back against the head board, looking to me for my next direction.

"I want you to touch yourself, Edward, just like you did in the car."

He suddenly looked a little nervous, which was unlike him. "Bella, I…"

"Close your eyes, Edward." He did as I asked, exhaling deeply.

I slipped off the bed and over to the iPod, finding our album and playing it before returning to the bed, crawling on top of the sheets with my legs folded sideways beneath me so that I could watch him.

"Put your hand down your pants, Edward, and pull out your big, juicy cock for me." A growl rumbled deep within his chest before he followed my instructions. "Now stroke yourself, Edward. Show me how you like to be touched." He gripped himself around the base, pulling upward with more force than I would have imagined was comfortable. With his eyes closed, I reached into my nightstand and quickly pulled out a bottle of lube, squirting some onto the head of his cock. He instantly felt the cool liquid as he spread it down his length easily.

He used slow and steady strokes, his face scrunched in serious concentration…but it wasn't the frantic jerking that I had wanted to see…it wasn't the needy, rushed released he had described to me from that angry moment in the car. I leaned forward on my elbows so that I could whisper to him.

"I'm on that stage, Edward. I'm dancing and singing, and I'm loving it." The veins in his forearms bulged as he tightened his fist. "It feels so good, all of these eyes watching me as I sway my hips." His chest rumbled. "I'm slipping off my coat, letting it slide down my shoulders as I strut across the stage – the cool air of the room caressing my hot skin."

"_No…"_ He groaned.

"I felt so sexy up there, Edward. It was so empowering, seeing the hunger on their faces, knowing that I was making them want more…"

"_Noo…" _He strained.

"I saw this dangerous man in the back of the room, and I wanted him, Edward. My body was in fire with how badly I wanted him. In the instant that I saw him, my panties were soaked."

"_Nooo…"_ He growled vehemently.

"It was you, Edward. I was looking_ for you. _I took my coat off _for you. _I let my hair down _for you." _He brought his other hand down to squeeze and pull on his balls as he fisted his dick passionately. "_That entire time, I was thinking of you baby_. I wanted you to like it. You were the one I wanted to feel sexy and powerful for."

"_Ungh…"_ He moaned as he approached orgasm.

"Does that feel good, baby? Is that how you like it?e He" I cooed.

"_Yes, Bella…"_

"Are you thinking of me?"

"_Always…" _He was right on the very edge of climaxing.

I grabbed his wrist hard. "Stop."

His eyes shot open. "_What?"_

"You've been bad, remember?" His eyes were wide as saucers as his jaw dropped open. "_This_ is for cumming in the car without me."

"_Fuck."_ He cursed, closing his eyes and throwing his head back onto the pillows in frustration.

I crawled towards him, leaning in to his ear. "Watching you has made my panties quite wet, Edward. Would you like to help me remove them?"

He opened his eyes, glancing at me sideways with a sneer. "_Yes."_

I leaned back against the headboard, my legs straight out in front of me, parted slightly. He sat up on his knees, hitching his hands under the chemise to grab onto the thin waistband of the satin red panties, shimmying them down my legs.

"_Mmmm…_" I moaned as he slid them off. "Have you ever felt satin rubbing over your body?" He shook his head. "Why don't you lay back and try it?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me unsure. I folded my legs beneath me again, facing him so that I could place my hands on his shoulders and push him back onto the bed. I yanked my panties out of his hand and wrapped the smooth material around his length, then grabbed his hand and fisted it around my panties. "Rub." I ordered.

He stroked down, hissing as the satiny fabric slid enticingly along his length. "Feels good, doesn't it?" I murmured seductively.

"_Mmmmm…good…"_

"Watching you do that is so hot, Edward. I want to see how you look when you think of me. I want to sit back and watch you come undone as you imagine fucking me up on that stage, proving to all those people that I'm your girl…" I egged him on.

"_My girl…" _he growled.

"You could have marched up onto that stage, bent me over the stool and ripped my panties off right in front of them…"

"_Yess….."_

"You could have plowed into me from behind, fucking me hard as I screamed out your name…"

"_Yesssssss, Bellaaaa….yesssssss."_

"Are you gonna cum for me, baby? You gonna show me how bad you want me?"

"_Yes baby! Yes! I'm gonna cum!"_

I smiled as I grabbed his wrist once again. "Stop."

He sat up, his face flushed with frustration. "_What the fuck, Bella?"_

"That's for cumming in your car without me…_twice."_ I held up two fingers mockingly, pressing the point home.

"Well thank God I didn't tell you about the third time, because you're gonna be the death of me!" He smiled broadly, tossing my panties onto the floor. "Death by sexual frustration!" He yelled as he rolled over on top of me. "Come here, woman!" He bellowed as he grabbed my wrists, pinning my hands above my head while he nibbled on my collarbone, making me giggle because it tickled like hell.

He bound my wrists with one hand while the other eased up my thigh, along my side and over my breast. "I'm glad I bought you this…it looks absolutely incredible on you…_now how the fuck do I get it off?"_

I began fidgeting with the chemise as he slipped out of his jeans, tossing them into another corner of the room. Once I managed to tear the lingerie off, I laid back with legs drawn up, knees parted wide for him in invitation. He eased up between my legs, strong arms on either side of me tensed beneath his weight.

"Were you really thinking of me, Bella?" I could see the worry and hesitation in his eyes. He really was as scared of losing me as I was of losing him.

I placed my hand gently on his cheek, attempting to convey every reassurance I had. "Always." I repeated his sentiment.

He rocked into me and the need I had felt to dominate gave way to a deeper need to submit…to give him everything and anything he wanted. I wrapped my legs around him, my heels digging into his tight ass as he sheathed himself within me.

"I love you so much, that it hurts, Bella…" He stared into my eyes as his body collided with mine.

"But the pain of loving you is the most wonderful feeling I've ever known." I said meaningfully, my hand still placed upon his cheek as I pulled him deep into my body.

"It's divine torture…" he whispered as our bodies and souls became one.

**A/N:**_ If this is what making up is like when you're a couple, I can't wait to get into my first couple's fight! Wowser! Is this what making up looks like in your life? Hit the review button and tell me your take on the matter…_


	47. This Is For You

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The rest is all me with some gentle guidance from my wonderful Beta._

Warning: _No citrus for today. Not even a grapefruit._

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,210 Words_

**CHAPTER 47: THIS IS FOR YOU**

We had just finished eating breakfast when I began clearing the dishes.

"Don't bother with that, Bella. I'll take care of it." Renee offered.

"I got it, Renee. Just relax – enjoy your time with Edward before I steal him away again." I teased, scraping her left over hash browns into the garbage can.

Renee pushed back from the table, determined to help, but he placed his hand over hers. "She'll fight you tooth and nail, mom. It's not worth it."

"Damn right!" I shouted from the sink to Renee's amusement.

"You seem to be doing well…" She lowered her voice as she scrutinized his face. I wondered if I was meant not to hear. I focused on the chore of scrubbing the pots and pans, attempting to give them the façade of privacy, if that was what they wished for.

He frowned. "Do I? I'm sorry, I just-"

She patted the hand he rested on top of hers. "It's not an accusation, Edward. I'm glad. We were so worried about what all of this would do to you. We depended a lot on you…in retrospect, I see that we depended on you too much. To see you absolutely radiant…I mean, you look happier than I've seen you in years…it's a relief."

"Really? It feels wrong sometimes…" The remorse flooded his voice.

"Don't be ridiculous. We all want you to move on and be happy." She was still including Bree in her statement. "It wasn't as if her death was sudden and unexpected. These things are different for everyone. This just goes to show how very strong you are."

His voice lowered almost beyond my hearing. "It's not me, Renee. It's Bella." I held my breath. "She's the most amazing woman I've ever known. When I'm with her…its like she fills every void in my life I didn't even know existed."

"Does she know this?"

His voice was so hushed now that I was straining to hear. "I think so. I mean, I've tried to tell her as much as I can without overwhelming her. It's all happening so fast…it's scary for me and _I'm_ the one thinking it, so I don't want to scare her away. Loving her is so easy…it's the rest of it that's complicated."

"I can see that. May I offer you some motherly advice?" She asked warmly. I didn't hear him say anything, but I assume he nodded. "Trust her. Don't hold anything back. Bella's a strong, passionate woman – I don't think she'll be that easy to scare away."

Although I was attempting to be oblivious, I couldn't help the smile that pulled at my lips.

"I've known her less than two months, Renee, and yet…I can see my future with her. I met her friends' parents the other day. When their mother greeted their father home from work, I could picture it being me and her years from now. She told me about this drum circle she used to participate in as a kid and I mentioned that I'd like to experience that some day. _Do you know what she did?_ The very next morning, she wakes me up and drives me to the reservation where she's orchestrated the whole thing for me. It was absolutely magical. I held her as we watched the sun rise, and her friends were so great to me and I just remember thinking _this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. _You're telling me you don't think she would file a restraining order against me if she knew that?" He hadn't realized it, but his voice had grown louder as he ranted.

"You underestimate her Edward." She lowered her voice. "And, although it's not really my place to be saying this, I'm pretty sure you're underestimating her feelings for you too."

I was beginning to feel like crap for ease dropping, so I shut off the water and cleared my throat, loudly announcing "All done!"

It was hard to act natural with all this new information swirling around in my head. He was right…it should be overwhelming. Except, it wasn't because…_I felt exactly the same way._

And this Saturday, I'm going to tell him exactly that.

We spent the afternoon helping Renee fill out the thank you cards to everyone who attended the viewing. We finished up and started on dinner just as Phil came home. He came up behind Renee at the stove and embraced her sweetly, kissing her on the cheek. My eyes met Edward's and I saw it there…the visions of the future we both apparently shared.

"Renee and Phil seem to really be enjoying your company." I acknowledged as Edward drove me to work that night. "It makes me feel bad for keeping you all to myself."

He cocked a lazy grin. "Don't be silly. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried…"

He was joking, of course, but it reminded me of something. "I don't want you to make the same mistake I made, Edward."

His face grew somber. "What do you mean?"

"You had a life before I came along. Don't walk away from that life. Don't lose sight of who you were before you met me. I did that for James and ended up hurting a lot of people. If they hadn't been so forgiving, I could have found myself very alone. I love having you with me and I'm so glad that you're getting along so very well with my family and friends – but I'm worried that you're spending so much time with me and my friends instead of being with your family and friends."

He chuckled, taking my hand as he looked into my eyes. "Bella…you spent two weeks in the hospital with me and the Tanners. During that time, it was always about me and what I wanted and I needed. I'm really grateful for the fact that it can be about you for a little while. And, as for me spending _all_ of my time with you and your friends…Bree's gone. The only people I have left are Renee and Phil, and I just saw them a week ago." He brushed his lips against my knuckles. "So stop worrying about me. I'll be just fine."

He made sense. Time moved so quickly with Edward – I could freeze frame certain moments and yet, days and weeks went by in the blink of an eye. Still, the fact remained that he had not returned home - well, to the place that he called home for all extensive purposes - in a week.

"Okay. Maybe I'm overreacting. But Renee and Phil just lost their daughter. It's not fair that they lose their son, too."

He looked concerned. "What are you saying?"

I recalled his conversation with Renee this morning; his fear that knowing how deeply he cared for me might scare me away. "Don't read any more into this than exactly what I'm saying. I love you and I want you with me every waking moment of every day. _And I mean it."_ I could feel my eyebrows rise to stress my sincerity. "However, Renee and Phil are your family and they need you too. I just think it would be nice, _for their sake_, if maybe you stayed the night with them. Play games, watch movies, joke around. Help take their minds off everything."

"So you want to spend the night?"

"No, Edward. By the time I get off from work they'll be in bed, so there's no point in me coming back. Besides, I have to be at rehearsal bright and early first thing tomorrow morning anyway. I can just get Alice to pick me up and take me home after work."

"_Oh…okay…"_ He looked absolutely heartbroken and it seemed that nothing I could say now would put his mind at ease.

We were parked in front of the bar now, the car idling as he waited for me to get out. I took his face in my hands and made him look into my pleading eyes, smiling reassuringly. "_Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. There's no hidden meaning. No secret agenda. _I'm just trying to be a good, supportive girlfriend who's thinking about the big picture. It's not an order. It's not an ultimatum. It's just a suggestion. The choice is entirely yours and I promise I'll be happy no matter what you choose to do. You come home to me the moment you want to and I'll be waiting with open arms. Do you understand me?"

He nodded, attempting to look confident even though I could still see the doubt in his eyes. He kissed me sweetly, deeply, as if he was afraid I might disappear into the Port Angeles mist. "I'll call you later." I chirped merrily, flashing my brightest smile as I got out of the car in an attempt to calm his nerves.

I called him as I waited for Ali to pick me up and he gave me the play by play of everything I had missed after I left. I told him I missed him and loved him and promised I would call him when I woke up the next day.

I was glad that he decided to stay with the Tanner's. It felt right.

_No it didn't._

Okay, no it didn't. It felt wrong. But at least it eased some of my guilt about stealing him away from his second family.

_But your dreading spending the night alone. Is the misery of sleeping in a large, cold, empty bed really preferential over doing what you deem to be the "wrong" thing?_

Shut up.

_Make me._

"Bella, stop chewing on your lip or it's going to get all bloody. And will you please talk to me? The silent, inner-dialogue thing is really grating on my nerves." Ali grouched behind the wheel.

"Sorry, Al."

I explained what I had done with Edward and then replayed the argument I had been having in my head.

"Wow, you really talk to yourself in your head like that? I was just being sarcastic. Maybe we need to get you some help…"

"Not funny, Alice."

"Bella, what do you _want_ to do? Have you even given the guy a drawer?"

"_What_? No! We've only been dating for…" I tried to do the math in my head, though it was difficult to pinpoint exactly what day marked the beginning of our relationship. "…_Oh, I don't know!_ But it hasn't been that long."

"Whose rules are you following, Bella? Who are you so worried about impressing?" She stressed.

"_I'm not following you..."_

"'_It hasn't been that long?'_ What do you deem to be long enough? What is the appropriate length of time to be dating to give someone a drawer? How about when they've already been living with you for a week? Does that sound about right? You're so worried about doing what you _think_ is right that you're not doing what you _feel_ is right. Meanwhile, if you're going by society's rules – which you supposedly shunned, by the way – then you've done this whole thing ass backwards. You made out with the guy before you knew his name. He gave you an orgasm before you went on a date. What are you so afraid of? Either follow your heart or follow your mind because right now, you're not doing either one very well."

The car was silent except for the hum of the motor as I contemplated everything she said.

"So…_you think I should offer him a drawer?"_

"Argh!" She yelled out, slamming her hand against the steering wheel. "I'm going to say this one more time in small, simple words that you're sure to understand. What do _you_ think, Bella? How do _you_ feel?"

"I feel bad for him. I mean, he used to have his own place, but he gave it up so that it would look like he really married Bree. Then he lived with the Tanners to perpetuate the marriage façade, but it was always _their_ home and _Bree's_ room. He was just a guest there. I feel like he's homeless."

The moment I said it, I knew the words were wrong.

"_That's not true._ I feel like _I'm_ his home. Like wherever I am is the place that he's meant to be."

A smile teased at the corner of her lips. "So what are you going to do about that?"

"Can he move in with us, Al?"

"You'll find his copy of the key in the glove box." She smiled confidently.

I reached across, wrapping my arms around the tiny fortune teller. "Thank you, Alice!"

When we got home, I ransacked our junk draw looking for something I had thrown in there a long time ago. It was a corny little keychain that the realtor had left on the counter for us the day we moved in. It was cute, but there was only one and neither one of us wanted to be the one to claim it, so we tossed it in the drawer and forgot about it.

Now, it was the most perfect little accessory I could possibly imagine.

I ripped the drawer out, dumping the contents onto the counter and sorting through it, smiling excitedly when I found it. Ali watched as I raised it into the air triumphantly. "Do you mind?" I asked.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She cheered as she wandered to her bedroom to settle in for the night.

I slipped the key onto the key ring and beamed down at my little gift, now even more anxious for Edward to come back. Although it was late and I was exhausted, I took a leisurely shower, not looking forward to crawling into my lonely bed for the night.

_This has to be the stupidest thing you've ever done in the name of selflessness. Thanks to your brilliant maneuver, you're miserable and Edward is worried that something's wrong. _

_Way to go, Einstein._

The shower felt good, but did little towards helping me relax. I slipped into a shirt that Edward had hung on the back of the bathroom door, inhaling deeply, thankful to have something that smelled like him to embrace me through the night. I pouted pitifully as I wandered down the hall into my bedroom, then nearly jumped out of my skin when I found Edward sitting in the corner chair.

I clutched at my chest, my heart pounding frantically against my palm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He looked sincerely upset that he had frightened me, but did not make a move. "Are you okay?"

I gulped, drawing in a deep breath. "I'm fine. Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm sorry for coming back…I just couldn't sleep." Did he honestly feel he needed to apologize? "Alice answered the door. She told me to come on in and wait for you to come out of the shower." He was acting like…_like a guest!_

_Oh no, no, no. This won't do at all. You better fix this shit quick, Bella._

I rushed over to him, jumping into his lap and kissing him all over his worried face. "I'm glad you're here. I've missed you like crazy. Suggesting that you spend the night away from me was the stupidest idea ever. You have every right in the world never to listen to a thing I say again."

I could feel him relax a little under my relentless kisses, his arms wrapping comfortably around my waist. But there was still a stiffness about him…he was still being too reserved for my liking.

I jumped out of his lap and raced for my nightstand, retrieving the little keychain from it's hiding place in my drawer. I palmed the cool metal before returning to my place upon his lap.

"Edward, I know we haven't been together long…and if you don't feel comfortable doing this, please be honest with me…I don't want to rush you or anything, but…"

_Why was this so freaking hard to say? _

"I know you live with the Tanner's, and I'm not asking you to give that up or anything if you don't want to, but…"

_You heard how he feels about you…just come out and say it!_

"You're home is with me, Edward. I want you to come and go as you wish. I don't _want_ one of us to have to answer the door for you and I don't _want_ you to have to wait for permission to come in and wait for me to get out of the shower. I want you to unlock that door and walk in knowing _one hundred percent_ that this is where you belong. And if _you_ decide you want to stay at the Tanner's house, that's fine…I'll understand and I'll work it out…but I'll never suggest it again because I love falling asleep in your arms…and waking up to the sunrise as we both smile and say good morning to Bree… and because _our_ bed is an empty, cold place without you." When I finally managed to stop my endless rambling, I held out my hand to him, allowing the key ring to dangle from my ring finger.

His hand caressed mine as he pulled the heart shaped key ring closer. One side of the heart was covered in a bright red enamel resin with a door and two windows etched into it. The back of the pewter ornament was engraved with the words "Home is where the heart is. _Welcome Home."_

"You don't have to make me any promises or commitments. Just take it and know that it's yours whenever you want it." I took a deep, cleansing breath when he smiled and I could see all the worry and doubt disappear from his eyes. He slipped the key ring off, taking my fingers in his hand and caressing his lips across my knuckles.

"Thank you Bella. I love it."

"Good." I smiled, glad that the awkward tension was gone between us.

He looked me over appreciatively. "You're wearing my shirt."

I shrugged. "It smells like you. I told you – our bed's not the same without you in it." Speaking of which, I took his hands, preparing to lead him seductively across the bedroom to our inviting covers, but he pulled against me, prompting me to sit back down.

"Not so fast, Isabella."

_Hmmm…Isabella? _This sounded serious.

"I haven't been fair to you. Although you know how much I love you, I've made you sneak around and pretend to be less than everything you are to me. We both know I've had my reasons, but no matter how noble I may have been trying to be, you deserve so much more. You deserve someone who will climb the highest mountain to scream out to the world how very proud they are to be with you. You should be with someone who can kiss you on a crowded street. I want to be that for you, my sweet, beautiful, breathtaking Bella. You already have my heart, so there's only one other thing I can think to give you."

My heart hammered in my chest and my lungs constricted as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black velvet box.

"This is for you."

**A/N:** _I just love a good cliffie, don't you? Review and let me know!_


	48. Frantic Heart

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. My Beta made me do the rest of it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!_

Warning: _Lemony-Snickett!_

Approx: _9 Pages/__ 4,501 Words_

**CHAPTER 48: FRANTIC HEART**

I gulped, my hands trembling uncontrollably as I reached for the tiny box in his hands. I could barely coordinate my fingertips to grip the lid. I stared at it, trying to plan my next step.

_Should I open it?_

_Should I not open it?_

_What do I say?_

_Are we ready for this?_

_Am I ready for this?_

Then, it occurred to me: no matter what - I couldn't imagine a future without him in it. All the worries and concerns and doubt would be cast aside…if he's offering to love me for the rest of his life, I'd risk it all to be with him.

_You are not the girl you used to be, Bella._

No, that I am surely not… he's made me all new and improved_._

My stomach tightened as I steeled myself and flipped the lid.

Inside, secured amongst a red velvet cushion was a gold wedding band, but it was not at all what I expected.

It was thick and plain and scuffed and clearly too big for my finger.

_It was Edward's._

I looked down at his hands, noting the tan line where the gold band used to wrap around his finger.

"Isabella Marie Swan…will you date me?"

Although I had known I would say yes and _mean_ it…to promise him all of my forever…I was relieved that today was not that day.

"Will you allow me to take you to fancy restaurants and flirt with you relentlessly so that you blush in front of the other patrons? Will you allow me to put my jacket over your shoulders in the middle of winter? Will you take my hand and hold it in the middle of the grocery store just because and kiss me inappropriately in front of old ladies just to see how they react?"

I threw my arms around his neck, laughing giddily. "Yes Edward! A thousand times, yes!"

He took the box from my hand and put it down on my dresser beside his new key ring before picking me up and carrying me to our bed. "I would very much like to ravish you right now but, truth be told…I'm exhausted."

I snuggled against his chest, loving the way his arms enveloped me. "Sleep now, ravish me later."

"Sounds like a deal."

Tuesday was a lesson in compromise.

Edward agreed that he needed to be there for Renee, but he was also persistent that he not slack off on his managerial duties and that he was reluctant to be away from me. We solved the problem by driving up to the Tanner's home early that morning, taking Renee out for breakfast and then dragging her back to Forks with us to watch the band practice.

Renee hadn't left the house since the funeral, so the plan worked out really well. She clapped enthusiastically as we warmed up our voices and instruments, her eyes bright and intense as we prepared to play our first song.

I couldn't really tell when the change occurred, but there was a moment when her wide-eyed intrigue turned to an enchanted sort of melancholy. I held my hand out to stop the band and hurried to her side as crocodile tears ran down her cheeks.

As I knelt down in front of her, Edward already had a consoling arm around her shoulders. She attempted to wave us off but we didn't go anywhere. "I'm okay, I'm fine, really. It's just…I can remember hearing this play in her room. That's all. She would have been absolutely giddy if she could have had the pleasure of sitting here in this basement, watching you rehearse. To be on the 'inside'. I miss her, but I promise you that these are happy tears. I'm just so glad to be here, sharing in something that meant so much to her. It's an honor, really. Brings back happy memories."

Rosalie reached out over my shoulder with a box of tissues as I rubbed Renee's knee reassuringly. "Do you have a request?"

Renee smiled up at her, touched. She turned to Edward with a mischievous smile. "What was that one that Bree used to get so angry at me for singing wrong?"

He returned the smile. "_Riiiiight…_um, 'More Than My Own Life'. It was her favorite."

Renee snickered. "And I used to always call it 'That Own Your Life' song. She hated that!"

They laughed at the shared memory.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have a request…" I segued, standing up to return to the mic.

Em began banging the drum sticks together to establish the beat. "You heard the lady! Let's rock and roll!"

After we broke for lunch, Edward took Renee upstairs to the study to show her what he had been working on. I learned on our ride back to Port Angeles that he had also taken the opportunity to help her place an ad in the paper. She said that watching us rehearse had reminded her how much she loved music and inspired her to start giving piano lessons again. She still had a long way to go towards recovering from the loss of her daughter, but it felt good to know that we had helped her take that first healing step.

Edward dropped me off at work, choosing to hang out with Renee and Phil for the evening so that he could pick me up at the end of my shift. I knew better than to argue the matter, so I simply promised to visit Renee again soon and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek before slipping out of the car and dashing through the rain into the bar.

There were a lot of new faces in the bar tonight, which was surprising for a Tuesday. One tourist couple kind of helped me figure out what was going on when they called me over to their table excitedly.

"Excuse me, but is this you?" Her long, red fingernail pointed to a newspaper with the headline "Local Band With Heart Finally Earns Big Break". Beneath the large typeset was the familiar photo of Bree with the band.

"May I see this?" I asked, trying to figure out why the story was appearing nearly a week later. It was a follow-up feature, inviting everyone to wish us luck on our big performance for four major recording labels this Saturday night. I looked up above the newspaper, noticing for the first time all of the bright eyes that were trained on me.

"So…is it you?" The woman asked again, beginning to look unsure.

"Yes ma'am. That's me with my band mates and our friend Bree." I admitted with a shy smile.

"See, I told you it was her!" She yelled triumphantly at her date. "Would you get in trouble if we took a picture with you? It will be so awesome to tell our friends that we '_knew you when'." _She bubbled excitedly.

"No ma'am, no trouble at all." I obliged. She waved Felix over, who then very proudly took our picture together. "I'm sorry, I know I'm being annoying, but could I possibly get your autograph too?" I giggled delightedly before pulling the pen out of my order pad and signing below myself on the photo.

Once the excitable woman broke the ice, several of the other newbies began making their way over to me, either to chat idly, wish us luck or ask for photos and autographs. The entire thing had my head spinning in disbelief while Felix smiled on with a cocky "I knew it" look.

When the bar finally started to empty out near the end of my shift, I pulled the newspaper out of the break room and shuffled off to read the article entirely in the privacy of the dressing room.

_Band manager, Edward Cullen, confirms that the band currently has at least four major record labels clambering to sign them. The talented, selfless quintet will be performing for a variety of producers this Saturday at the New Moon Bar and Club. The phenomenal lead singer, young Bella Swan of Forks, WA, can be found at the bar every night, working as a waitress whenever she is not onstage wowing the crowd._

Edward had done it again, and without even gloating. I wondered what other news outlets heard about our upcoming performance or what kind of turnout we could possibly expect.

"I see you found the article." A velvet voice crooned from the doorway. He smiled slyly, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned his shoulder against the door jam.

"When did you do this?" I asked from the sofa.

"Some on Friday once I confirmed the representatives were coming. I left a message for a couple of reporters yesterday evening and then managed to get in touch with a few more while Renee was with me upstairs this afternoon."

He opened his arms to me as I slinked over, snaking my hands around his waist and burying my head in his chest. "You never cease to amaze me." I complimented.

"That's just because you're easily impressed." He joked back.

He tipped my chin up, brilliant emeralds boring into me. "Happy anniversary, my love." Soft, warm lips pressed against mine.

"What anniversary?" I whispered, unbelievably lightheaded from his simple kiss.

"Bella…every decent couple must have an anniversary." He said as a smile pulled at his beautiful lips.

"Edward, there's hardly a decent thing about us, but that's beside the point. So, what in particular are you basing the true beginning of our relationship on?" I asked, attempting to clarify.

He rubbed his cheek against mine, lips ghosting against my ear. "It was one month ago today that I snuck into this room and made love to you."

A truckload of conflicting emotions smashed into me, knocking the air out of my lungs.

First of all, I could barely fathom that it had only been a month since he first brought me to orgasm in this very room, but I was disturbed by the fact that he would think of that as the first time we made love. It had only been my hands roaming over my body, his hands only joining in when I was unable to coerce my body to release.

Then there was the fact of how that night had ended.

_Yes_, we had eventually come back to each other and found so much happiness in one another's arms, but that experience was tarnished by the memories of my retching with guilt and disgust. I had felt worshipped and sexy, but at no point in time had I felt loved.

For all the pleasure he helped me find that very night, there had ultimately been more pain and heartache than happiness.

He stared into my face as these emotions filled me, battling for dominance. "What's the matter?"

"Why do you want that to be the beginning, Edward?" I couldn't help the way my bottom lip was pouting out as I said it.

He looked disappointed in my reaction. "Well, I was trying to put a finger on when we really started, and that was the night that I realized I couldn't stay away from you…and that I could never deny giving you whatever it was that you wanted. You weren't just some girl to me…you were special."

His eyes saddened as they looked into mine. "You don't want that to be our anniversary, do you?"

I shook my head and bit my lip, not wanting to ruin his happier, more optimistic look on that event but finding myself unable to play along. "Edward…I was broken. I hadn't known I was capable of loving someone back then…I had comprehended it as being overwhelming lust. I already knew I felt differently about you than other guys, but sex and love were mutually exclusive to me at that point. And then…I _hated_ myself that night. I was disgusted with myself for sleeping with you and I loathed myself even more because I realized that I probably wouldn't have walked away from you, even if I had known you were married. _I wanted you that bad."_

He hugged me tightly, prepared to whisper a thousand apologies until he could make the memories and hurt go away, but I stopped him. "It's okay now. It's over and I understand and I don't feel that way anymore. But, it doesn't stop that particular night from being a sore spot for me because it only reminds me of how miserable I was without you. Shouldn't our anniversary be something happy for both of us?"

He was swaying me back and forth in his arms. "Of course, Bella. What do you suggest?"

I thought carefully over the myriad of moments we had shared. "What about the night you first took me to the lake, to explain about Bree…" I suggested, trying to pinpoint when this crazy thing started between us.

He laughed. "I was elated that you gave me a chance to explain and I'm still astonished that you actually stayed with me."

"Then we went back to your place…" I recalled.

"And knowing that you were going to stay with me made me so happy that I couldn't keep my hands off of you." He smiled against my hair.

"That was a good night because it was the first time my heart overrode my hormones. As much as I wanted you, I didn't want to disrespect Renee and Bree. I didn't realize it then, but I think that was the first night I wanted to be _good _for you. I wanted this thing to work out."

"You know, that was the first night I'd ever fallen asleep with a girl in my arms?"

I smiled. "It was the first night I'd wanted to fall asleep in a man's arms."

"Yeah, that was a good day." He agreed.

"You'll never know how sorry I am for that first night, Bella." His mood darkened just a little as one of his hands slid up under my shirt to caress my back and the other hand dipped down to hug the curve of my ass. "After we talked in the car, I couldn't get you off of my mind. I wanted so badly to just come here and make you feel good all night long. I can't believe how thoroughly I screwed it all up."

My fingers ran up into the thick hair at the base of his neck as he lowered his head to my shoulder.

"_Make me forget it, Edward. Show me now what you wanted to do then."_ I could feel my body starting to heat up in anticipation.

He ran his hands under the hem of my shirt, caressing his palms seductively over the delicate skin of my back and waist as he breathed warmly on my neck. I closed my eyes, focusing on his touch as I tried to put myself back in that moment we had first shared. He released me, straightening up and taking my hand in his, leading me over so that we were staring at our reflections in the full length mirror.

Edward stood behind me, gathering my hair to reveal my throat and neck. He stroked his hands from my collarbone, over my shoulders and down my arms until his hands slipped over mine. He moved our hands to my hips, his eyes locked on the reflection of mine as he dipped his head to suck gently on the crook of my throat.

I had felt his touch before. I knew the fiery look in his eyes and had memorized the feel of his lips on my skin. Yet, witnessing the scene unfold in front of me – seeing the wanton yearning in my chocolate eyes and the way my trembling body responded to his touch – the visual heightened the experience to an all new level.

He came around to kneel before me, his hands running over my thighs and calves as he lifted one leg to place my foot on his knee. He took great care removing my shoes, and I imagined this must be what happened the night after Cinderella found her prince. He guided my foot back to the floor before repeating the process to remove my other shoe. With my bare feet back on the patterned rug, Edward wound his way around my body, coming to stand behind me once again.

With him guiding me, our fingers traced lazily over my smooth stomach, my shirt hitching up as we reached to ghost over the curve of my breast. I could feel my skin flushing beneath our touch as my nipples visibly strained against my clothes.

He gripped the hem of my shirt, gently pulling it off of my body before tossing it aside. He tickled over my hips and up my back, mesmerizing me with his skilled fingers so that I was oblivious to the fact that he was simultaneously unclasping my bra. I felt the fabric pop loose in front of me, felt the weight of my breasts as they fell unrestrained. He slid his fingers beneath the shoulders straps, gliding his fingertips down my arms as he removed the satin and lace.

I instinctively held the cups in place as he pulled the straps off, surrendering the fabric only when he slipped up my abdomen to take the full weight of my breasts in his hands. The material fell into his waiting fingers and he tossed it onto the settee along with my discarded shirt.

He guided my hands once again as we caressed and squeezed my round peaks, eager fingers twisting and sliding over sensitive skin.

He left me to fondle my breasts as he worked on undoing my jeans. Large hands wrapped around my hips, dipping beneath my jeans and panties, warm palms sliding down my legs as he peeled the last of my clothes off.

Our reflection resembled the unveiling of a priceless work of art. He was bent down behind me, helping support me as I stepped out of my jeans.

Fingertips grazed over my bare legs as he whispered gentle kisses behind my knees, my thighs, below the swell of my ass and up my back.

As he stood erect behind me, I leaned against him, my head falling back upon his muscular shoulder.

With his eyes smoldering in the mirror, he placed his hands on my hips, lowering his head over my shoulder so that we were cheek to cheek. "Touch yourself, Bella. Show me how you like it."

Less timid and unsure than I was last time, I slid one hand over my stomach, down between the apex of my thighs. "Talk to me, Edward. I need to hear your voice."

He inhaled deeply. "Look at yourself, Bella. Look at how beautiful you are. Smooth, cream skin hugging luscious curves. You are my angel on earth."

My index finger pushed in between my folds, using the pooling moisture to slide easily over my hardening clit. "You're my heaven, Edward. If I'm an angel, then you are my home."

His hands began sliding forward and back over my hands.

"Your body is so incredible, baby. Can you feel it now? Can you feel the satin warmth of your flesh? The softness of your curves? The fiery, moist tightness within?"

"Yes. You make me beautiful. You taught me to see myself through your eyes. I love the way you look at me…the way you see me."

Our fingers danced over my body, my heart racing, my breath catching as we explored my more sensitive spots. Whenever the sensation became too much, I would close my eyes and lean back into him, my lips parting with a wanton moan.

"Open your big, brown eyes, Bella. I want to watch you watching us."

My legs began trembling as our fingers journeyed further into my wet, fevered body – the tickling and taunting almost bringing me to my knees.

Edward's body tensed behind me as his own need grew. He had to hold me tighter now as my legs grew weak with the pleasure of my impending orgasm. His soft, wet, hungry mouth feasted on my ear, jaw, throat and shoulders as our fingers frantically coaxed me toward climax. His kiss vibrated against my sensitive skin as he groaned and grumbled with his building desire. I could feel his hardness pressing into my back as he began to impulsively rock against me.

With our left hands moving relentlessly against my center, I ran my right hand up behind me, lacing my fingers into his thick bronze hair, my head flung back and to the side so that I could pull him greedily to my exposed neck. His right hand crossed my body towards my left breast, switching back and forth between gentle caresses and rough squeezes as we approached the edge of euphoria.

My body quivered against him, every muscle contracting and reverberating like a plucked guitar string.

"_Cum for me, Isabella. Let me carry you. I want to watch you come apart in my arms. And I'll be here when you fall. I promise, baby. Each and every time, I'll be here, waiting to catch you."_ His leather promises lashed at the last of my restraint as a torrent of pleasure raced through my body. _"Eyes open, Bella."_ I shook my head, believing it to be an absolute impossibility for me to open my eyes amidst such overwhelming sensations, but he bit down lightly on my collarbone and my eyes shot open.

_We were the definition of carnal._ My untamed hair had grown wild in the course of our love making, my savage eyes fierce and lustful and hungry. My face was flushed, the fire spreading its blush out to my shoulders, breasts and belly. Our hands were still reaching between my thighs, his hand still teasing my breast as my fingers disappeared into his chaotic locks. I had yet to come down from the high when I felt a new desire stirring in the pit of my stomach once again.

_Want!_

I turned around, grabbing his divine face in my hands and pulling him down to crash my lips against his. I grabbed at his shirt and, lost in the throws of passion, ripped it wide open, buttons scattering all over the dressing room floor. He pulled back, shocked by my assault. He looked at me for only a second, one eyebrow arched sensually as his eyes darkened with newfound ardor before he began clawing at his shirt, struggling to tear the damn thing off of his broad shoulders. He stepped back as he attempted to free himself from his shirt, unconsciously backing up towards the closed dressing room door. I followed, my hands fidgeting with his belt buckle anxiously.

The shirt flew over my shoulder a second before his back braced against the door roughly. Slender, strong hands deftly took over the belt buckle as I settled for unbuttoning his pants and pulling down his zipper. Soon – but not quickly enough – I pushed the smooth black material of his slacks down his long, muscular legs as he kicked off his shoes and pants.

The jungle cat lurched, spinning me around to pin me to the door, his hands holding my wrists above my head as he traced his tongue around my swollen lips. I lunged for his mouth, sucking his sweet tongue between my lips impatiently. He groaned as my tongue stroked against his, making me high on the delicious taste of his moans.

In one fluid movement, he picked me up, my legs hitched around his hips as one hand splayed across my back and the other knotted into my hair. He was pulling a little harder than usual, but the tension felt right. It spoke for how badly he wanted me – how desperately he needed me. _I wanted him to want me this way – always._

_Pull harder!_ I thought. _Make me hurt as good on the outside as you make me hurt on the inside!_

Too much. Everything with Edward was always too much. I loved him so very much it made my heart hurt. _But dear God, it was the most deliriously pleasurable pain I had ever known._

_Pain never felt so good._

I pushed against his shoulders, unsure what ground I was attempting to make considering I had nothing else to brace against. Yet, somehow, my Edward seemed to know. Still carrying me, he stepped back to the loveseat, sitting down slowly so that I was now straddling his lap.

I pushed against his shoulders again, still unsure what I wanted to achieve. He followed my unspoken instructions, moving his hands to my hips so that he could lean back against the settee, his head lulled completely backwards exposing his long, elegant neck to me.

I sat up on my knees, tracing his intoxicating lips with my tongue. Aside from his breathing and the tensing of his muscles beneath me, he stayed absolutely still – allowing me to lavish my attentions as I saw fit. I sucked on his lower lip, reveling in the smooth, soft perfection of his mouth. I ran my tongue along the underside of his jaw, appreciating how much stubble had grown over the course of the day and loving the prickling feeling on my tongue.

I placed open mouthed kisses on his neck, focusing on the one spot where I could feel his pulse beneath my tongue. _I could taste his life. Beating, right there beneath the surface…racing for me._

The thought and sensation drove me so wild that I unthinkingly raked my nails over his hard muscled chest, eliciting a long, slow hiss from between his perfect pink lips. I looked up apologetically to find dark eyes staring back at me, clouded with lust.

_He liked it._

Staring into his eyes, I slid down his length, welcoming him into my body where he belonged. With my hands splayed over his incredible pecks, I rode him slowly – nice and smooth – our eyes never turning away from one another. We wrote poetry and music and rhyme in that moment, simply in the way that we looked at each other as our bodies collided.

As the pressure built within me, my fingers curled on his chest, my nails digging into his skin despite my desperate attempts to restrain myself. His hands engulfed mine, crushing my fingers to his skin as our bodies crashed against each other, pushing and pulling and plowing toward our mutual undoing.

He let loose a guttural moan as I felt his warmth spread deep within my belly. A second later, I raced after him, drunk on the way I could feel him all over – inside and out. _I would take him all, if I could. Drink in every single inch of him._

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck as I drifted back to reality, squeezing him tightly as I rested my head over his frantic heart.

**A/N:**_ Was it as good for you as it was for me? Review and let me know…_


	49. Hot Stuff

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. My Beta and I came up with the rest of this after many, many late night chats._

Warning: _No lemons for now…_

Approx: _7 Pages/__ 3,837 Words_

**CHAPTER 49: HOT STUFF**

It was storming terribly Wednesday night when Edward and I were awoken by a loud banging on the door. I wrapped my robe around me as he slipped into his pajama bottoms and raced ahead of me to see who was at the door. I rubbed at my eyes as I padded into the living room, a disheveled Alice standing in front of her bedroom, staring sleepily at Edward as he opened the door.

Lightning flashed in the parking lot, illuminating the tall, shadowy figure from behind, making him look all the more ominous. I momentarily wished for a baseball bat so that I could protect Edward if the stranger tried anything.

The cloaked giant ducked his head under the door frame, stepping just past the threshold to get out of the rain.

"Fifi? What are you doing here? What's wrong?" Relieved that the hulking man was not a violent intruder, I raced over to take his dripping coat and hang it up to dry. His expression was haggard – dark circles beneath tired eyes, his cheeks sunken in sorrow.

"I'm sorry for not calling first, but I stormed out of the house without my cell phone." He mumbled, looking absolutely distraught.

Edward clasped Felix on the shoulder, gesturing for him to take a seat. I could hear Ali fumbling around with the coffee pot in the kitchen.

The tiger in me was roaring to be let out. "What did he do, Felix? I'll kick his ass!" I stormed.

As Felix settled down into the oversized armchair, Edward wrapped his arms around my waist. "Calm down, baby. Let's find out what happened first. Then King Kong can go on her mission of tearing through the town, okay?" He took my hand and led me over to the sofa, pulling me beside him in an attempt to calm me down.

"He left me to go hang out with Gianna and the terror twins again. You know, I had the night off…and he didn't even think of doing something with me, let alone asking me if I'd want to go out with them. _Not that I would_…but the point is that he never even begins to think about spending time with me or asking what I would want to do anymore." He looked over at Edward, a little flustered. "God, I sound so _gay!_"

Edward laughed lightly, not in a judgmental way – but in a friendly, reassuring way.

"Anyways, I refused to stay home alone all night, so I went to the mall just to get out of the house for a while. I figured I'd go to the food court and get a bite to eat, maybe people watch to take my mind off of everything. That was when Max came over…"

"Who's Max?" I interrupted.

"Surfer boy." He clarified, one eyebrow arched meaningfully.

My mouth made an "O" shape, although no sound came out.

"Yeah." He nodded his head knowingly before continuing. "Well, it was crowded – all the tables were taken and I was sitting at a four-top by myself. So, he came over with a tray and asked if I was saving the seats. Of course, I told him no, and he sat down across from me. We talked for a while…he asked me how my _girlfriend_ was doing and I happily informed him that you and I were not dating. He told me he was still pretty new to the area and that he hadn't had a chance to make many friends yet, so I offered to exchange phone numbers so that we could hang out some time. I didn't have my phone on me, so he took my number instead and told me he'd text me so I'd have his number when I got home. It was all perfectly innocent, to be quite honest.

"Problem is, Demetri was already home and he saw the text message before I did. So, the moment I get home, he starts questioning me about where I was and who I was with and what I was doing, and I go off on him reminding him that it's really none of his business, as he could have very easily been the one I was spending my time with if he had only offered. He flew into a jealous rage – like usual – and I told him to go fuck himself. I took off, realizing that I'd forgotten my damn phone once again as I found myself heading here." He slumped lower in the seat as his story concluded.

I raced from the couch to my oversized friend, launching myself into his lap and throwing my arms around his neck. "Fifi…I'm so sorry. You can do so much better than that asshole!"

He put an arm around me in a half-hearted hug. "Thanks sweetie…I wish that made me feel better."

Ali brought over a tray with four mugs of coffee, sugar and creamer. I was so busy helping her serve and preparing our coffees that I didn't notice when Edward got up and left the room. A moment later, he returned in a lightweight tan sweater, a fitted pair of blue jeans and some sneakers. "Where are you going?"

"If you don't mind, I'm taking Felix out for a guy's night on the town. Sound good, Felix?" Edward answered, slipping into his jacket.

Fifi looked surprised, but not particularly against the idea. "What do you have in mind?"

Edward dipped his head, putting his hand to his mouth as if to whisper conspiratorially. "Not in front of the chicks, Felix."

Fifi laughed. "If it will help mend my broken heart, can I convince you to go shirtless?"

"Not a chance in hell, big guy." Edward smirked.

Felix shrugged. "Oh well, it was worth a try." He stood all six feet, seven inches of himself up. "In that case, I'm all yours, Buttercup."

Edward was so confident in himself that he merely chuckled and shook his head at Felix's antics. "Give me a second with my girl and I'll be right out." Felix gave Ali and me a kiss on the cheek before loping out of the apartment. Edward leaned against the back of the chair, wrapping his hands around my waist to pull me over to him so that I was standing between his legs.

My fingers idly ran up and down the lapel of his jacket. "What are you going to do?"

"I know a bar in Port Angeles that's open till sunrise. I'll let him drink it out of his system, throw darts, shoot some pool…stuff like that to take his mind off of it." He brought a hand up to twirl a curl of my hair around his finger.

"You don't have to do all of that. We usually just cry it out over a pint of Ben & Jerry's."

He smiled his devastatingly beautiful smile. "I figured as much, but I want you to get some rest before rehearsal tomorrow. There's only a couple more days before the performance and I don't want to let _anything_ get in your way this time. I'll run defense with Felix for tonight…I'll even bring home a couple of pints of Ben & Jerry's so that you can pick up the girl talk tomorrow afternoon."

I kissed him on the nose. "Watch out…I'm starting to think you're perfect again. Don't want all of our hard work tearing down those pedestals to go to waste."

He appeared to concentrate diligently before popping his mouth open and…_burping._

I slapped him on the shoulder. _"Edward!"_

"Sorry baby, that was the most imperfect thing I could think to do at the moment. Did it work?" He smiled shyly.

I nodded emphatically. "Most definitely. You are the most imperfect boyfriend ever."

He swiped at his forehead dramatically. "Oh, thank God! That was way too much pressure."

I flung my arms around him. "No drinking and driving. Come home safely. _And soon."_

"Yes ma'am." He agreed, still playing with my hair as we embraced.

Felix peeked his head back in the door. "_Hello? Heartbroken, pissed off, giant queen storming around in the parking lot waiting for you!"_

"Coming Princess…" Edward teased.

"No, she's Princess…I'm Fifi. Geez, get it right, Hot Stuff!" Felix shouted back before shutting the door.

"Great…guess that makes me Hot Stuff." Edward sneered playfully.

I shrugged. "It could have been worse…he could have stuck with Buttercup."

He kissed me quickly before releasing me to walk towards the door. Just as he pulled it open, he pulled the key ring from his pocket and jingled it proudly. "Guess I'll be using _my key_ when I come _home_ tonight, huh?"

My heart soared and my smile radiated pure happiness. "_As long as you come home…"_

He slipped out the door and I held my breath as I heard the lock turn on the other side.

I woke Thursday morning with the sun warming my cheek. Unwilling to open my eyes, I rolled over to hug Edward tightly, only to find that he wasn't there. I peeked one eye open to search for him, spotting him standing by the window, looking out at the waking world.

I slipped out of bed, padding silently across the lush carpet to wrap my arms around the flesh embodied deity standing at my bedroom window. "Good morning, Bree." I whispered to the dawn.

He circled a lazy arm around me, kissing my hair without taking his eyes off of the sunrise. The bright light of day glinted in the green of his eyes, making them look luminescent. From this angle, I could see specks of gold in the deep emerald of his eyes.

"Did you boys have fun last night?" I kissed his chest.

"I suppose so. At least, as much fun as I can have being out of your bed." He finally looked down at me, tilting my chin up to kiss me sweetly. "It was a long night without you."

I squeezed him tighter. "I agree."

He smirked. "I don't know, you appeared to be sleeping rather soundly when I snuck in."

"Well…I might have taken care of a few things before I fell asleep…" I inclined.

He furrowed his brow, knowing that I was making an innuendo but not entirely following me.

I wiggled my fingers in the air. "Let's just say you taught me well."

He smiled and growled as he lunged for my throat, nibbling underneath my jaw where it tickled. I giggled, pushing him away, attempting to duck my head to protect that ticklish spot. He pulled back, yawning deeply as he continued to laugh.

"Poor baby…you must be exhausted. Why don't you climb into bed and get some sleep. I'll come back home before we play tonight."

He hooked his arm around my waist. "Don't you want to come back to bed with me? At least, for a little while?"

I needed to get ready for rehearsal, but there was no way I could deny him when he pouted in that schoolboy way. "Take off your clothes." I instructed as I snuck out from beneath his arm and raced around to my nightstand.

He eagerly began to disrobe. "Well, I was talking about getting some sleep but, if you're feeling frisky, who am I to stop you?"

I tsk'd at him, smiling as I shook my head. "Face down on the bed. Get comfortable."

He furrowed his eyebrows again. "Well, that sounds a little backwards, baby, but I'm game for anything." He climbed onto the bed, hard muscles contrasting with soft sheets.

I straddled him, loving the strength of his ass between my thighs.

_Get your mind out of the gutter, Bella._

I leaned forward, running my fingers through his hair, tickling and massaging his scalp. Once I worked his hair into absolute disarray, I slid my fingertips down his neck. My fingers wandered around the back of his long neck, firm but sensitive to the knotted muscle beneath. I squeezed some lotion onto my palm, warming it between my hands before rubbing the ointment across his upper back. My hands kneaded his shoulders, squeezing the tension out from his neck and down his thick biceps; my fingers undulating around the thick bands of muscle that wrapped around his upper arm.

My palms rubbed the back of his shoulders, my thumbs tracing the rippled musculature of his shoulder blades, guiding my hands down and around to his sides. He lay absolutely still beneath me, his breath evening out as I worked over the rippled muscles of his smooth back. I pressed down along his spine as I pulled my palms toward my body, spreading the lotion down the dip in his lower back to the top of his tight ass. Although I could feel my senses coming alive as I worshipped him, could feel the desire building as his hot body lay between my thighs, I focused wholeheartedly on relaxing him into peaceful oblivion, keeping my touch as platonic as possible.

I scooted backwards so that I was now straddling his knees as my hands continued to knead and pull and squeeze and rub over his ass and down his strong legs. I steadied my attention first on rubbing down his right thigh and then his left, my hands struggling to wrap around his muscled legs.

Unable to back up any further on the mattress, I quietly climbed off of him so that I was now standing beside the bed. I was pretty sure he was sound asleep by now, but I continued the full body rub down – no longer for his pleasure, but for mine. My fingers circled his meaty calves, sliding down to his feet where I paid particular attention to the arch of his foot.

I was never a foot person and, therefore, had never paid any attention to a man's feet before. But in carefully attending to them now, I was surprised to find that I even loved Edward's feet.

_Dear Lord, I am absolutely a lost cause._

_The saying "You've got it bad" doesn't even begin to cover it._

Having completed my thorough inventory of Edward's body, I grabbed my clothes and slipped into the shower to get ready for practice.

Showered, dried and dressed, I eased out of the bathroom to find Felix slung awkwardly across our sofa – arms, hands, legs and feet hanging out every which way from the too-small piece of furniture. He was drooling on Ali's throw pillow, but I didn't mind. I hated the damn thing; I never understood the purpose of throw pillows. They just got in the way of my comfort. Maybe his alcohol induced drooling would be the thing to finally make Al throw it away. I snickered as I padded into the kitchen to fix myself a bowl of bark for breakfast.

"No Yoga today?" I asked Ali, who was perched on the kitchen counter, sulking as she ate a granola bar.

"No." She pouted. "The big, snoring, drunken oaf taking up half the living room makes it a little difficult to find my peace of mind." She bit into the granola bar, ripping a piece off veraciously.

"Well somebody's cranky today." I teased. "Just be glad Edward was nice enough to take him out so we weren't up all night." I bragged.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a regular saint." She pouted some more.

I mussed up her hair, just to piss her off. "What is it with you and my hair!" She growled, marching into her bedroom to fix it so that it looked exactly how she wanted. The pixie was usually a perpetual ray of fucking sunshine, so I secretly enjoyed her occasional bitch fits. It made me feel just a little more normal. Besides, it was never anything serious – she'd be fine the moment I got her to Jazz.

With Edward crashing at home for the day, we managed to polish up the song quite nicely. It would have been ready to play tonight, if I wasn't so insistent that we hold out for the record execs.

I was starting to doubt that was such a good idea. "Do you think we should go ahead and try it out tonight? I mean, I don't want to convince you all to wait till Saturday only to find that everyone hates the song." I babbled.

"It's a wonderful song. Everyone's going to love it." Ali reassured me, squeezing my arm.

"Especially Eddie." Em beamed from the drum set.

"You know we usually get the best reaction the first time we play." Jazz added. "We'll have plenty of old stuff for people to sing along with. Playing something brand new that night is a risk…but it will show execs that we're not a one-trick pony. It will prove that we can win people over right out of the gate, instead of them having to get used to our material over time. That's a major step in our favor."

"Besides – it will mean more to Edward if you take a risk like that to express your feelings for him." Rosie suggested.

"I don't want to risk the band for him, Rosie." I pleaded.

"I know…but the look on that guy's face will be so damn worth it!" She smiled radiantly, confirming once again that she was back on our side.

Ali and I came home to find Felix in the kitchen, handing Edward different tools below our line of sight. It had been over a week since we had accidentally ripped the hose from the kitchen sink. Apparently, the replacement part we needed had just arrived.

The sneaky grin on Felix's face and the mischievous glint in his eye told me that something was up. "How are you feeling today, Fifi?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh, I'm doing _muuuuuuuuuch_ better, thank you, Princess." He beamed. I came around the counter to notice that Edward was shirtless, his pants riding dangerously low over his ass as he bent over, trying to figure out how to install the new hose. I could see the dimples in his lower back and a hint of the top of his crack. Further more, the part of his ass that was clad in denim looked abso-freaking-lutely fantastic.

I bit back a giggle, not wanting to embarrass Edward, choosing instead to pummel Fifi silently for ogling my boyfriend. He didn't try very hard to stop me; he was too busy laughing.

"Hey baby! I'm glad you're home – Felix isn't very good at handing me tools." Edward muffled below the counter.

"I'd like to hand him _my _tool." Fifi whispered for my benefit only. I punched his arm, biting back my smile. Felix chuckled silently. "Sorry, guess I'm easily distracted." He answered Edward suggestively.

I snorted, slugging him in the shoulder once more before pushing him out of the kitchen to give Edward some dignity. The green eyed monster crossed his hairy arms and huffed indignantly.

Felix rode in the Jeep on the way to the bar because it offered the most head room with the top down. Unfortunately, having the top down once again meant that the girls had to ride together in the Porsche to keep our hair from getting mussed up. It was amazing how crowded things were getting – soon, we'd need a bus!

There was a slightly larger crowd than usual, in part due to the publicity we had been getting over the past week and a half. Otherwise, the night would have been unremarkable – if Demetri hadn't shown up during the second half of our set.

I saw him enter the bar, my eyes growing wide as I scanned the crowd for Fifi. I found Edward first, my eyes boring into his, then darting back over to Demetri. Edward immediately knew something was wrong, but it wasn't until he followed my gaze that he realized what it was.

He maneuvered through the crowd, long legs carrying him quickly as he straightened his posture and broadened his shoulders in preparation. Just as he was within ten feet of Demetri, I spotted Felix ducking out from behind the bar, making his way over. I continued singing, mindless of the words as I watched the confrontation unfold in front of me, unable to do anything about it.

Unfortunately, others soon followed my gaze, now focusing more on the trio by the bar than on those of us on stage. I needed a distraction, so I amped up the song, really getting into it. I signaled Jazz to pick it up and he threw in an impromptu guitar riff that caught everyone's attention. With that, Edward gestured for Felix and Demetri to take the conversation outside. I hated being stuck on stage, not being able to be there by my friend's side, but I knew it was for the best that they handle this privately. Once again, I was thankful to have Edward – my answer to every one of life's little problems.

I don't remember a thing about the rest of the performance except for the fact that Edward, Demetri and Felix had never come back in. As soon as we finished the set, I jumped down, politely thanking everyone who approached me as I rushed for the door.

I pushed out into the cold, wet night to find Felix sitting on a bench, staring vacantly ahead as Edward sat by his side. I hurried over, kneeling down on the damp pavement to take Fifi's huge hands in mine. "What happened?"

"I dumped him." He said blankly.

"What?" I asked in absolute shock.

"Demetri came to beg Felix to come back home and work it out." Edward explained.

"I told him I was done. He should have realized what he had before it was too late. I was not some dumb muscle-head and I wasn't going to sit around and take anymore of his crap when I know that there are people out there who can appreciate me. I told him to take Gianna and the terror twins and shove them up his ass." He was still staring into the dark void of the night, speaking in a monotone.

I glanced over at Edward, who silently nodded to confirm the story. "Are you okay, Fifi?" I asked, truly concerned by his blank stare and emotionless demeanor.

His features slowly shifted, growing brighter until he broke into a huge smile. "I'm wonderful! I haven't felt this good in forever!" He threw one lanky arm around Edward, the other around me and embraced us in a massive hug. I couldn't help but laugh.

"So, would it be okay if I said 'Thank God'?" I mused. He laughed out loud. "Be my guest, Princess!"

"You know, Fifi…I still have the disclaimer memorized if you want to give Project O a try?" I teased.

He grinned sneakily. "You know, I might take you up on that offer and get me a Mr. Orgasmo too!"

Edward blanched. "He knows about that?"

Fifi patted Edward's knee. "Hot Stuff, who do you think gave her the name?"

**A/N:** _We're approaching the end here, folks. Only two more chapters to go. Thanks for joining me for this epic journey and, if you haven't taken the time to review yet, please click the cute little link to do so now. You're feedback is greatly appreciated – more than you can know._


	50. It's Negotiable

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. I couldn't have come up with the rest of this blather without my wonderful Beta._

Warning: _No sour fruits here._

Approx: _13 Pages/__ 5,773 Words_

**CHAPTER 50: IT'S NEGOTIABLE**

With two days till our performance for the record execs, I was on top of the world. I couldn't get over how different life had become in two weeks time. Then again, my life had been an epic rollercoaster ride since meeting Edward. Hours and days and weeks blurred together; time no longer made any sense to me. The best of times and the worst of times co-existed side by side and I found that I could live through them all. I could make friends and lose friends and keep friends and save friends all in a matter of days. Everything I knew about myself had changed and I had gone from being a wretched, whoring, broken woman to a happy, fulfilled, optimistic girlfriend in love.

I felt like I should skip outside and sing until beautiful little woodland creatures ran over to me and little blue birds landed on the side of my finger, tweeting along in tune.

I should have known there'd be a damned poison apple.

_There's always a poison apple. _

Or a witch.

Or a hunter come to claim my heart.

Or a stupid, silly misunderstanding to send the love of my life racing for the hills.

_I'm starting to think I'd prefer the apple._

I awoke to find a note on Edward's pillow, written in his neat script.

_"Bree says good morning. We didn't want to wake you. I'm tired of Alice's healthy cereal, so I'm running off to get us some coffee and donuts. Might run a couple of errands while I'm out. Love you, and I'll be home soon._

_Yours Always,_  
_Edward"_

I smiled at the warm sunlight on my face, twisting and stretching pleasurably. If I couldn't look in my green eyes when I first woke up, reading a note that told me he loved me and would come home to me wasn't so bad.

I rolled out of bed, grabbing some clothes and a fresh towel as I headed for the bathroom for a shower. The house was silent and I noticed that Ali's keys were gone, so I assumed she had already taken off for her morning jog.

I jumped at the unexpected knock at the door. I stretched on my tiptoes to look through the peephole, only to find a very nervous looking Native American on the other side.

I pulled the door open quickly. "Jake? What's the matter?"

He barged past me, pacing back and forth from the arm chair to the dining room table. I closed the door and secured my robe more tightly around me to make sure that I was decently covered.

"Bella, I need your help. I've been up all night, going crazy, trying to figure out what to do." He spurted, his feet stomping so hard on the plush carpet that I could actually hear his footfalls.

My heart clenched nervously. "Anything Jake. What do you need? What's wrong?"

He reached into his pocket, his hand dwarfing the small black box in his palm. "I'm going to propose to Nessie."

I jumped at him, wrapping my arms around his massive neck and squeezing excitedly. "Jacob, I'm so happy for you!"

He threw one arm around my waist in a haphazard hug before pushing me back down onto my feet. "Not so fast, Bells. I haven't proposed yet. That's the problem. I want to make it special and wonderful for her. I want it to be one of the best memories she'll ever have – something she's going to cherish for the rest of our lives. But I can't think of anything! I'm such a Neanderthal that I am absolutely incapable of coming up with a romantic way to propose to my girlfriend!"

His voice cracked with stress. I noticed for the first time that his hair was an absolute mess and there were dark circles under his eyes. He was really losing sleep over this.

"Jacob, she loves you. No matter what you say or do, she's going to treasure-"

"No Bella! Don't tell me she's going to love whatever I do because that's not enough!" He barked nervously. "I want to give her more than I know how, so I didn't come over here for you to tell me that whatever I do is going to be fine. I came here so you could help me make this the best damn proposal known to man! So, stop trying to make me feel better and start using that talented brain of yours to come up with a girl's dream come true!"

"Oh, Jake…" I bit down on my lip, unsure I could deliver whatever magic spell he was looking for.

"Please, Bella. _Please._ You were right. I'm tired of waiting for special moments. I want to make a special moment all on my own." He begged with dark eyes. "_Please."_

My hazy brain snapped to attention. "Okay, but Jacob…if I tell you what to do, it won't be coming from your heart, and that is much more romantic than following my instructions." I began.

"Dammit, Bella!" He was so aggravated that he looked on the verge of tears.

I put my hand up to calm him. "Let me finish. I'm going to help you, but I think it's important that we only build on what you would have done naturally. So, why don't you tell me what ideas you already came up with, and we'll just work on improving those, okay?" I placated him.

He sighed. "Alright, but I'm warning you, my ideas are all crap."

"Let me be the judge of that." I folded my arms, standing my ground on the matter.

He exhaled, plopping down onto one of the dining room chairs in exhaustion. "Did I ever tell you how we met?"

I walked calmly over to another chair, turning it at an angle so that I could face him. "I don't think so."

He smirked as he thought back upon that moment. "It was about a year after you stopped coming to the rez. I was still a pretty angry bastard most of the time." He chuckled darkly. "Anyway, she came here with some of her friends who wanted to go cliff diving. Apparently, she had been talking tough on the way over, but when they got up to the ledge where I was hanging out with the guys, she chickened out.

"Her friends all started making clucking sounds at her and, just like you always do, her face flushed and you could see her standing up taller indignantly. It was the funniest thing to watch this tiny girl trying to look big and tough. I was one of the jackasses who were teasing her. I told her if she couldn't handle hanging out with the big kids, that she ought to try one of the lower ledges where the little kids learned to jump." He shook his head, a grim smile on his face. "She was so livid, her face practically turned purple. Before any of us realized what she was doing, she ran straight for the edge, flinging herself over the side of the cliff."

His features changed, became stark with worry. "She didn't know what she was doing. No one had ever taught her or explained. Just as she disappeared beyond the cliffside, her cousin yelled out for her to stop. _She didn't fucking know how to swim, Bella."_ He shook his head, obviously still blaming himself for having pressured her.

"She hit the water at a bad angle…she could have snapped her neck or broken her spine. The only reason I saw her enter the water as well as I did was because I jumped after her as soon as I heard her cousin scream. I splashed down about twenty feet away from her. I remember that it felt like forever for me to reach her, and then another eternity for me to get her back on the shore. I started giving her mouth to mouth."

He swallowed deeply, obviously pained from having to recall it. "I wasn't family. I wasn't even her friend, so the doctors would never tell me exactly what injuries she sustained, but I stayed with her in the hospital until she got better. Then, when she was finally released, I talked her into letting me give her swimming lessons. By the end of that summer, we were inseparable."

I reached across the table, patting his large hand. "So, you were thinking about using that in the proposal?"

He shrugged. "Well, I thought about taking her to the ledge where we first met and proposing to her there at sunset…but that's stupid, right? I mean, that would probably just be a reminder of the bad stuff. See what I mean? I suck at this romantic crap." He rested his elbows on the table, cradling his head in his hands.

"Not necessarily, Jake. Depending on what you choose to say, I think it might be a beautiful way to bring the whole thing full circle. Edward and I had a particularly dramatic experience in the very beginning…but he recently found a way to give me happier memories in place of the bad. It was kind of like putting a bandaid over the wound. It didn't make the bad thing go away…but it covered it up with something wonderful so that it didn't hurt so much. Relationships aren't always wonderful – you have to take the good with the bad. I think proposing to her on that ledge would show her that you remember where you two come from, reminding her of how very far you've come and proving to her that you want to take her for everything that she is – through the best and worst of times. You're not so bad at this 'romantic crap' after all." I smiled, nudging him.

"You really think so?" He looked hopeful.

"If she's as much like me as you say, then I know she'd love it." I confirmed.

"But, it still matters what I tell her – and that's where I get all tongue-tied. You saw the way she reacted to Edward when she first met him. She practically got all googly-eyed. I'm not that guy, Bella. I don't know how to make a girl swoon." Just like that, he talked himself right back into hopelessness.

"Jake – you're not Edward, but you have your own unique set of charms. Why don't you try it out on me? Maybe, if you practice, yo won't be so nervous. It will help you plan out what you want to say so you'll be better prepared when you're with her." I stood up, grabbing his hands and pulling him to his feet, away from the table.

"You want me to propose to you?" He asked skeptically.

"Pretend I'm Nessie. Just say all of the stuff you want to say and I'll help you pick out the good stuff from the bad." I promised.

He looked at me as if I had grown a second head. "This is stupid."

I put my hands on my hips and huffed. "Do you want my help, or not?" I threatened.

He huffed back in response, obviously still against the idea. "Fine." He started grudgingly.

I kicked him in the shin. "This isn't going to work unless you really get into it, Jake!"

"Okay! Okay!" He shot back. He shook his shoulders and his arms, attempting to get into character. "Alright, so imagine we're on the cliff – you know the one we used to go to, right?" I nodded. "Right. So, imagine the sun is setting on the horizon, so the sky's all shades of purple and pink and red." He took my left hand, using his right hand to paint the horizon for me. "So, we're looking out at this sky…"

"Don't narrate, Jacob. _Just talk to me_." I instructed.

He swallowed.

"Nessie…I never knew what to expect when you literally flung yourself into my life. All I know was, from that first moment that I saw you, I couldn't let you go. Even if it meant racing off of a cliff to chase after you, I knew I would do it. You think I was kind…you called me selfless for staying by your side and teaching you to swim…but you never realized that I did every bit of it for me because trying to stay away from you was an absolute impossibility."

I was vaguely aware of the sunlight that cast across the room as the front door opened, but I was too mesmerized by my friends confessions to look away from his intense eyes. He had only started, and yet, his words reminded me of my relationship with Edward.

"I was drowning long before I met you. Struggling to keep my head above the water of hurt and anger and loneliness. Don't you see, _you_ were the one who saved _me_. I love the fact that you're fearless, despite the fact that the world is so much bigger than you are. I love your passion for life and your stubborn determination not to let anyone tell you what you can and can not do. I love that you challenge me to be a better man on a daily basis, never letting me settle for being anything less than my very best. Ever since that first moment when my lips touched yours, _you_ were the one breathing life back into _me_. In that moment – we shared one life, one heartbeat, one breath. And if you would let me, that is exactly what I want to do for the rest of eternity.

Tears streaked down my face at his beautiful words – happiness that my friend could find someone who could make him feel so very passionately, and happiness for the beautiful, green eyed man who made me feel exactly the same way.

Jacob knelt down before me, my left hand still in his as he removed the black box from his pocket and flipped the lid open to reveal an elegant, simple diamond solitaire. "Baby, would you save me once again by letting me love you for the rest of my life?"

"Yes!" I shouted as I flung my arms around his neck, so incredibly proud of the man my friend had become. "It's perfect, Jacob! Absolutely, breathtakingly stunning!" I squeezed him tightly, rocking him back and forth, basking in the warmth of his happiness.

"Really Bella? You mean it?" He asked, struggling to allow himself to be confident.

I pulled back, pecking him quickly. "Yes Jacob! It's completely brilliant!"

I turned to find Edward staring at us in wide-eyed horror. "I should go." Edward said quietly, stepping around the chair to walk towards the bedroom.

I looked quickly from Edward to Jacob, instantly realizing what he must think. "No, Edward_-" _I began, my legs trembling with fear.

"Please Bella, you don't have to explain." He couldn't even look at me.

"But Edward, it's not what you think…" Jacob interjected.

"I don't want to know." He put his palm up, turning his face away from us. "Just let me get my things and I'll be out of your way."

"_No!" _I gasped, my heart shattering, the pieces falling like the desecrated planks of a destroyed ship among the tumultuous waters of my raging blood. "Edward, don't. It's not what it looks like, I promise , Edward. Don't go. _I need you."_ I begged and pleaded, clinging to his arm as if my life depended on it.

He looked up into my watery eyes, the pain in his emerald gaze causing the tears to overflow. "It's okay, Bella. I knew this wasn't going to last." He cupped the back of my head, pulling me in for a gentle kiss on my temple before walking away.

_I knew this wasn't going to last?_ That knocked the breath right out of me.

What the hell did he mean! What happened to him telling Renee how he saw his future with me? Had he changed his mind? Was he waiting for me to express my undying love and devotion, and now it was too late? Had I waited to long to tell him how I felt, just like everyone warned me?

The tears flowed freely down my cheeks, even though I didn't feel like crying. I felt…_numb_?

_No, not numb._

I felt…_angry?_

_Yeah, a little. But that's not all._

I feel…_indignant. Stubborn. Determined. Resolved._

Jacob gripped me, pulling me to him in a vice like hug, plainly reading the plethora of emotions as they played across my face.

"It's okay, Bella. Let him calm down and then you can explain. Everything is going to be alright." Jacob soothed.

I pushed against him, freeing myself of his comfort, allowing the rage to take over. "No, Jake! Nothing is going to be alright!" I turned in time to see Edward coming from the bedroom with his overnight bag hooked on his shoulder.

"_I don't care if you want to hear it, Edward, because I am not letting you walk out of here like some kind of victim. Jacob is proposing to Renesmee…you know, his long term girlfriend who you met at the drum circle? Yeah, I'm not cheating on you and he is not pledging his undying love for me. He is just a friend who needed help figuring out how to tell his girlfriend how much he loves her and he came to me because he knows I'd sympathize, because I'm trying to come to grips with how I can possibly love you so very much when we barely know each other!_"

"Bella-" he started, but it was too late. My wrath was unleashed and he was about to see how ugly I could really get.

"_Because I can see myself fucking marrying you, Edward! And I don't believe in that shit! I believe love and unending devotion develops slowly over time and you've come into my life and in two months, turned everything I know upside down. So here I am, planning our wedding and the little house with the picket fence and the 2.5 children even though I'm scared to death to tell you cuz I could never understand why someone as wonderful as you would want to be with a screw up like me. Because I'm afraid, if I really pour my heart out to you and tell you everything that I'm thinking, that you'll realize you can do ten times better. I'm afraid that you'll remember all of the fucking mistakes I've made and leave me and I'll have nothing left for my friends to put back together this time_." Angry, hot tears streaked down my cheeks as the muscles in my neck knotted with the tension.

Edward's mouth dropped open, but I persisted.

"_So now you know. Go ahead and leave. You have your bag in your hand. You're so ready to doubt me, Edward. All that shit you say about how wonderful I am and how you forgive me for my past, and yet the first guy who comes in here and gives you reason to doubt me and you're ready to pack your bags and run for the door without even giving me the benefit of the doubt. Fine! Take your shit and get out! Because what it comes down to, Edward, is that you don't fucking trust me. And, considering that all you've told me is how very much you love, trust and forgive me and you turn your back on me the moment you get a chance, I guess it stands to reason that I shouldn't trust you either. So go!"_

I pushed him just for good measure. I turned for my room to find Ali standing by the front door watching the drama unfold. I'm not sure how long she stood there or how much she had seen, but her face was drained of all color and her onyx eyes were the size of saucers. I was far too riled up to attempt a conversation, so I yelled an apology at her before running to my bedroom and slamming the door as hard as I could.

I stormed back and forth across the floor, throwing clothes and sheets and pillow cases around the room in an attempt to rid myself of the incredible tension that was building within my body. My feet slammed hard against the carpeting, my heels digging into the lush beige flooring with every step as I paced back and forth.

Slowly…_so incredibly slowly_…the rage gave way to hurt.

I threw myself onto the bed, sobbing like I had that night when Edward first told me he was married. Only this time, instead of smelling him on his jacket, I could smell him on the sheets, the pillows, the bed, my hair, my robe…he was everywhere.

_It would take me forever to wash Edward out of my life._

That thought cracked my chest wide open, the hurt and pain flowing like a torrent over my…_our_ bed. I was so angry with him, so hurt with him and yet, right now, I wanted him to come through that door and hold me and make it all better. I wanted to bang against his chest like a child throwing a tantrum…I wanted to hurt him the way he had just hurt me. Then I wanted to kiss him and beg for forgiveness until we became tangled in each others arms, loving all the pain and anger away.

I beat and kicked and screamed at the mattress beneath me as I dealt with the warring emotions that were twisting my insides into a knotted mess. The mattress shifted on both sides of me and soon, warm arms were wrapped around me, willing the hurt away with friendship.

I continued to cry as Ali smoothed my hair back, Jacob hushing my sobs and attempting to soothe me with empty reassurances that it would all be alright. When there were no more tears to cry, I sat up, hugging her tightly. "How long were you there, Ali?"

She gulped. "You see yourself marrying him?" It came out as more of a question than an answer.

I bit my lip. "I've lost him, Ali. I did the best I could and yet…_I've lost him_."

"Shhhh…." Jake hushed me, pulling my head to his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Bells. If I had just manned up and done the proposal thing on my own, none of this would have happened."

I shook my head vehemently. "No, Jake. It's not you're fault. You all were right. I should have told him how I was feeling. If I had told him sooner, he never would have had any reason to doubt me. He could have sat there and watched the whole proposal without the thought ever crossing his mind that I was actually agreeing to marry you. If I had made my feelings clear, there never would have been any room in his mind for doubt. I waited too long. Fuck-up Bella strikes again, and now I've lost the best thing to ever happen to me."

Ali brushed the hair back from my tear-stained cheeks. "Well, I'm not too sure about that. I can't blame Edward for being hurt to find another man proposing to you. And, you still really need to work on talking to people, Bella."

"I know." I pouted glumly.

"But at the same time, he knows he was an ass. He gave me a puppy dog face that would have put one of my patented pouts to shame. You're not the only one with issues. I think he's just as insecure in this thing and just as frightened by his feelings as you are."

"Another volume of Cosmo?" I asked, struggling to make a joke out of the situation.

Ali frowned, sadly shaking her head. "Nope. Sorry, sweetie, this one was all me."

Jacob helped me crawl out of bed, hugging me tightly with my head tucked beneath his chin. "Edward's crazy about you, Bella. I can tell by the way he looks at you. I see all the things I feel for Nessie right there in his eyes. Once he wises up and comes back to you, don't be too hard on him, okay? He was wrong and, if what Ali says is true, then he knows it. Plus, you've given him a lot to think about. But, for what it's worth, I think I would have lost my mind if I caught my girl excitedly accepting a proposal from her childhood friend. Not sure how much rational thought would have played a part in my reaction, either."

I hugged him back silently before pulling away to turn to Ali. "Can we just go to rehearsal? I really need to get out of here…it smells too much like him." I sniffed.

"Sure, sweetie. You can probably take a shower in Rosie's room – wash the stink right off of you." She teased. I glared at her. "Too soon?" She asked. I nodded. "Okay, well…you can still take a shower over there. It'll probably make you feel better. At least for a little while."

We didn't rehearse my love song today. I was in no mood. Instead, we sang every angry song we had ever written. I embraced the opportunity to belt out the songs with every ounce of fire I could muster. By mid-afternoon, we were starting to sound a lot more like death metal. I knew I was ruining the purpose of our rehearsal, but it felt good nonetheless and the others were enjoying rocking out, so they didn't begrudge me the outlet.

They finally convinced me to stop singing before I totally blew my vocals on angry hate music. It still helped that I got some of it out, at least.

Ali went gothic with our make up and outfits for the night, which was perfectly fitting for my dark mood. Still, I couldn't help the fact that it felt wrong to be doing all of this without Edward by my side. I had already come to depend on him being here for our performance ritual; had already come to anxiously wait to see what outfit Ali would have him dressed in for the night. Instead, I had not heard from him since I stormed into our bedroom this morning. The not knowing where he was or what he was doing was eating at me.

I missed the butterflies. At least then, there was something filling this nagging hole in my stomach.

_I am so angry and so hurt…and yet, missing him is the worst._

In spite of it all…_I love him._

That couldn't be healthy, right? Maybe I was still set to self destruct.

I don't remember loading up the cars or the long drive to Port Angeles. I don't recall unloading the cars or setting up the equipment. I'm vaguely aware of getting onstage, only because that was when I spotted him at the bar, doing shots.

_I'd never seen Edward drink before._ Funny, but I found it disturbing.

The warring feelings returned, part of me wanting to yank the shot glass out of his hand and ask him what the hell he was doing. Another part wanted to glare angrily at him for doubting me so easily. Another part wanted to kiss him all over his beautiful face and apologize for hurting him. Still, another part of me wanted to drag him into the back room and do whatever it took to make us both forget that this morning ever happened.

These were the things going through my head as I numbly performed the first half of our set. I don't remember applause. I don't recall announcing that we were going to take a fifteen minute break. Hell, I wasn't even sure I had been singing along to the songs! But, the band wasn't going off on me, so I assumed I had passed thus far.

As we wandered down the dark hall to the dressing room, music floated down to us from the stage.

"Someone's on my keyboard!" Ali gasped, turned to run back and save her precious equipment.

Jazz's hand shot out in front of Al, holding her in place. "Wait…whoever it is…_they're good."_ He mumbled appreciatively.

Edward's velvet voice carried through the stage door, stronger than I had heard him before, more confident in part due to the alcohol he had been consuming. I pushed past Ali and Jazz, pushing the stage door open to watch with my mouth agape.

Audience members were all frozen in different positions – some getting up to head out for a smoke, some looking to each other as they tried to figure out if this was part of the act, a couple more standing in front of the bathroom doors because they were reluctant to go in and miss this part of the performance.

I had heard him sing only once before, and yet I knew the tone of his voice meant that this was coming from his soul.

"_Keep your penny, _

_Here's my thoughts,_

_You can take 'em._

_Here's the key to my heart,_

_Please don't break it…"_

His eyes scanned the crowd uncertainly.

"_I want you to need me,_

_I need you to want me-_

_The way that I already_

_Want and need you._

_And I'd like to believe_

_I could be worthy_

_Of being the man_

_Who is loving you-_

_Because I do."_

He broke it down for the next part, really getting into the soulful sound of it.

I smiled in spite of myself.

"_And you make me happy,_

_For the first time in my life._

_Oh yes you do._

_Oh yes you do._

_How sweet would life be,_

_If I could spend it with you?"_

Green eyes landed on mine, as he broke into the world's most earth-shattering, beautiful smile. The hurt and the anger disappeared in that moment…he was singing for me…and he was _happy_.

"_I want you to need me_

_I need you to want me-_

_That way that I already_

_Want and need you._

_And I can't help but dream_

_That you could love me_

_The same crazy way _

_That I'm loving you._

_Please say you do._

_Here's a penny for your thoughts,_

_I can take it._

_If you give me your heart_

_I won't break it…"_

The words were sincere. He was asking for forgiveness and promising to never hurt me again. _In front of all these people._

_He was marking me as his…there just wasn't any biting involved._

I looked around at the audience, who were all bobbing their heads in appreciation with big grins on their faces. Some had already picked up the chorus and were starting to fumble along to the upbeat tune.

"_I want you to need me_

_I need you to want me-_

_The way that I already_

_Want and need you._

_And I'd like to believe_

_I could be worthy_

_Of being the man_

_Who is loving you-_

_Because I do,_

_Love you._

_It's true,_

_Oh I do-_

_Love you."_

Despite the broad smile on my face, he looked at me bashfully; still uncertain he had been forgiven. My face softened as I nodded, gesturing for him to follow me into the back.

I went ahead, but not before I noticed him nod toward Felix at the bar, who was doing a shot in his honor. Apparently, Felix had once again been his wingman.

The rest of the band hugged me quickly; glad to see that Edward and I were on the way to making amends. Then they rushed off to the dressing room to give us some privacy backstage.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." He started the moment he pushed back through the door.

"Do you really think that we're not going to last?" I interrupted.

He shook his head frantically. "I'm just so afraid of losing you, Bella. It's still so hard for me to believe that you could honestly feel the same way for me that I feel for you. I keep waiting for a better man to come along and sweep you off your feet. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you…" He rambled.

"I'm not _going_ anywhere. That's what I need you to understand. I've dedicated everything I am to you now. _Everything._ Do you get that? You have to understand that I would never, _ever-"_

"I know, Bella. I know." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. "Watching you with him today was like a punch in my gut."

"It didn't mean anything. I was just helping him figure out what he wanted to say." I mumbled against his chest.

"I know." He kissed me meaningfully on the forehead as he smoothed my hair.

"What's with the gothic look?" He asked, looking unsatisfied.

"You don't like it?" I asked.

His mouth pulled to the side as he inspected me closely. "Not really. It's just…I don't like seeing you look so angry and sad."

I shrugged. "It kind of fit my mood today."

He pulled me to him once again, locking his arms around me. "I'm so, so sorry, Bella. I told you I wasn't perfect."

"If you really thought he was there to propose to me…_you didn't even put up a fight_. You were just going to walk away…I thought I meant more to you than that?" I whispered, the hurt once again clawing at my chest at how easily I could have lost him.

"You looked so happy. I love you with everything I have, Bella…but if another man could make you happier than I could…I would never stand in the way of your happiness."

"Don't you see now? I _can't _be happy without you. You can't leave me, Edward. Now that you know what it does to me…_please_. You can't walk out on me again." I muttered.

"Never, Bella. I was stupid to let you go." He cradled my face in his hands, kissing me sweetly once again upon the forehead. "For what's its worth, I don't think I could have stayed away for long, even without the explanation. You see…I've kind of already started planning to spend the rest of my life with you. The wedding, the picket fence, the 2.5 kids…even a dog named Spike. It's a little scary, isn't it?"

I hugged him tightly. "Terrifying…but not quite as scary as the future I envision without you."

His large hands roamed over my hair, tickling my back. "I thoroughly agree. It's much better to be terrified together."

I nodded against his muscular chest. "A dog named Spike?" I asked doubtfully.

He chuckled. "It's negotiable."

**A/N:** _Alrighty all. Only one more chapter to go before my bad ass Bella will bid adieu. Show her, Eddie and the rest of the crew some love by hitting up that little review button below._


	51. Can't Wait To Get Started

Disclaimer: _The Twilight Saga and all respective characters, names and related details are the property of Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown publishers and Summit Entertainment. The rest of this started out as a little dream of mine before I ever met Bella, Edward and the rest of the gang, but I like it so much better now that I was able to work them into it._

Warning: _One more lemon shot for the road._

Approx: _11 Pages/__ 4,339 Words_

**CHAPTER 51: CAN'T WAIT TO GET STARTED**

It was Saturday: our make-it or break-it moment. We slept in late, opting to get as much sleep as possible before heading to the bar early to rehearse on stage.

I woke up to find myself alone in bed. Edward was not at the window greeting Bree, nor was he in the shower or the kitchen. My heart started pounding in my chest as I made my way outside to look for his car.

I found Edward huddled on the front step with his phone to his ear, his pen tapping nervously against his legal pad. He looked up at me in surprise. "Good morning, beautiful. I thought you were sleeping in late?"

I sat down on the step beside him, regretting it when the cold, damp concrete soaked through my silk robe. "Well, I was going to roll over and hug my boyfriend when, to my surprise, he wasn't there. What are you doing out here anyway?" I asked, hugging his arm, huddling next to him for warmth.

"I just wanted to take care of a few things for tonight without waking you. Why don't you go back to bed? I'll wake you up in an hour or so." He promised, kissing me on the cheek.

"Can't you come back to bed with me and take care of this stuff later? It's lonely in bed without you…" I pouted.

He wrapped his arm around me, tucking my head beneath his chin. "I'll tell you what, go back to bed and let me take care of business and I promise I'll make it worth your while when I wake you up."

I pulled away to look up into his beautiful green eyes. "Yeah, like _that's_ going to help me go back to sleep now." I pinched his nose before jumping up and sashaying back into the house.

I sliced a grapefruit in half while the coffee brewed, enjoying the way the fragrances mixed in the air to help wake me up. I snuggled into the sofa with my breakfast, watching the news to see what the weather would be like in Port Angeles. They expected it to be cloudy with only a thirty percent chance of rain, so it looked promising that it wouldn't scare the crowds away, although I didn't know how many people might possibly come back after our last "big show".

I downed my coffee, anxious to get in the shower and wash away the bad memories that were suddenly flooding my subconscious. All had been forgiven, but I still blamed myself for screwing things up so very badly that last time. They didn't realize it, but I was putting all the weight on my shoulders to make sure that I was flawless for them tonight.

_I will not be the problem again._

I shuffled off into the bathroom, the steam billowing around me as the water heated. I turned the water down a little after it scalded my foot upon stepping in. I lathered the pouf and began rubbing it over my body when I felt Edward step in behind me, his hands ghosting from my hips, up over my sides to my shoulders.

"I thought I told you to go back to bed and wait for me?" He husked.

"Couldn't sleep. I told you, the bed's too lonely without you and besides, I'm too nervous about tonight." He collected my hair, pulling it all over my right shoulder.

"Let's see what I can do to make you feel better." Strong hands began massaging my shoulders, firmly, but gently. "Someone did this for me the other morning and it felt absolutely wonderful. Had I not been overwhelmingly tired from being up all night, I like to think I could have thanked her properly."

I instinctively remembered the way it had felt to rub my hands along his magnificent body, to rock against his tight ass as I kneaded his tense muscles, to feel his strength between my legs.

I dropped my head forward as his hands moved over my slick skin, focusing on the knots that had developed in my neck and back, working them loose one-by-one. My breathing labored as his hands explored the tension in my body. Ironically, as my muscles relaxed beneath his capable hands, the tension and pressure flamed higher within me.

I was concentrating so thoroughly on his loving hands that I moaned without meaning to.

"Should I take it that you are enjoying this?" He mused. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Mm-hm" I mumbled, beyond words.

I placed my palms against the cool tiled wall, my legs spread as he knelt down behind me, massaging my thighs and calves and ass. His delectable hands were driving me mad – feeling so heavenly, but never enough to quench my thirst for him.

He surprised me by skimming his nose up along my crack.

"_Yesssssss!"_ The kinky serpent hissed from within.

His hands were cupping my ass, kneading and squeezing as he whispered kisses over my skin.

"_Waaaaaaaant." It begged in my ear._

I pushed back against him, clenching my ass as he nibbled deliriously below my right cheek.

I pursed my lips as I groaned in delight, closing my eyes and biting my lip with uninhibited desire.

His hand slipped up between my legs as he began massaging my eager clit, my legs nearly giving way at the unexpected touch. His fingers continued to probe within as he rubbed delirious circles over my sensitive nerves.

Once his fingers were coated in my wetness, he slid them up along my crack, circling my hole deliciously. The pressure in my untouched backside was amazing, making me forget any worries I had about welcoming him there.

"Do you like this, baby?" He groaned, the leather seeping into his voice.

"_Yes…"_ My confession came out in a whisper as I struggled to form coherent speech. Without planning it, my body pushed back against his hand, causing his finger to dip just slightly into my entrance. I gasped with unexpected pleasure at the intrusion.

It felt odd…_foreign._ I couldn't necessarily say that it felt _good_, yet I still found myself wanting more of it.

"_Damn, so fucking eager."_ He astonished, under his breath. "We have to be careful, baby. We can't rush this…I don't want to hurt you." Although his words were kind and considerate, I could hear the gravel seeping into his voice. He was struggling to be patient just as badly as I was.

"It just feels so good, Edward. I want to feel you there. I want to feel you everywhere." I crooned, desperate as always for _more._

He pushed his fingertip against my hole, moving it in tight circles that were driving me mad with desire. As the inferno began raging within me, he slipped his other hand up to rub against my center, one finger sliding back and forth over my quivering clit as his palm rubbed enticingly over my pussy.

I began thrusting against his fingers, eager for my release from the painful yearning; moaning and mewling in delight.

I could feel his breath on my backside as he grumbled with a throaty, animalist growl that was building in his chest. "Yes, Bella. Move for me, baby. I love the way your body dances to my touch. So fucking beautiful…" He mumbled, barely able to contain his own unquenchable desire.

My eyes were clenched, the warm water running over my neck and along my shoulders, dripping erotically off of my pert, hardened nipples. "_Don't…stop…So…fucking…good…" _I moaned as I rubbed against him eagerly.

"_I have to have you, Bella."_ He roared suddenly, rising up behind me and bending me over to take me from behind.

"_Yes Edward! Yes! So good, baby!" _I crooned as he rocked into me again and again, our wet, heated bodies sliding back and forth against each other.

"_God Bella! You're so beautiful. So amazing. I can never get enough of you. Never."_ He groaned as he pulsed deep into me, his thrusts growing more frantic.

"_Faster Edward! Faster! I need to feel you so deep inside of me, baby. Give it to me harder. I want to feel you fill me!" _I moaned as he bucked against me feverishly, my body clenching down on his engorged cock as he rammed into me with all his might. "_Touch me, baby. Touch me there. It felt so good!" _I begged with abandon.

He slid his fingers between my tight cheeks, pulsing repeatedly against my tight hole with a pressure that translated straight through to my pussy.

"_Yessssssss!" _I hissed euphorically, his touch pushing me towards my climax as my body seized around his.

"_Yes Bella! God, I love you! I love you so much!"_ He shouted as he released inside of me.

As we rode out the waves of euphoria, he wrapped his arms around my waist, lowering his head to place lazy kisses all over my back.

As we settled back into our bodies, he pulled out, spinning me around so that we were clinging to each other under the powerful jets of water. "I love you, Edward. I love you." I chanted as he smoothed my hair out of my face, kissing me tenderly.

Best stress reliever _ever_!

Fifi was already at the bar, waiting for us when we got there around noon. Ali made sure that every last outfit was in the dressing room while Ro prepped for make-up, hair and jewelry. Em and Jazz focused on getting the instruments there and set up in pristine condition. I decided to once again set on cleaning the bar to a shine – polishing the table tops, vacuuming the stage – the works. Although I couldn't say exactly what Edward was doing, he sure looked busy enough.

"If you all are going to rehearse, I need you to start soon because I have some things to set up before the bar opens tonight." He explained. We jammed for two hours before calling it quits to make sure that I didn't kill my voice. It was enough – we had gone through every song once.

_Every song except for the love song, that is._

I wanted to help Edward as much as I could, so the rest of the band went into the back to get ready while I stayed out to do whatever he would let me do. Edward had already recruited Felix for a lot of the work, which was nice because Fifi looked like he appreciated being included.

I was shocked when Phil and Renee came in around five carrying two large cardboard boxes. I ran over, greeting them anxiously. "What are you two doing here?" I asked happily.

"Working concessions." Renee smiled proudly. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Edward didn't tell you?"

I shook my head dumbly.

Phil sat down his box, using his keys to slice open the packing tape and pulling the flaps back to reveal a bunch of professional looking cd's, complete with Emmet's cover art. I clapped and jumped up and down gleefully. It was still our work, but the cd's no longer looked dinky and home made.

Phil moved over to Renee's box, slicing the tape open once again and pulling out a t-shirt with our picture on it, the word "Eclipse" scrawled across the bottom of the image in an edgy, purple font. I squee'd excitedly, wrapping my arms around them and hugging them with everything I had.

Edward came up behind us. "So, what do you think?"

I spun around, throwing myself at him to hug him fiercely. "You amazing, wonderful, incredible man!"

He laughed, sounding carefree. "I wouldn't go that far."

Just then, a familiar looking blonde haired man came into the bar, carrying some kind of lighting equipment and looking a little lost. "Where do you want this?" He called out to Edward.

"You can put it on the stage for now." Edward instructed.

"Where do I know him from?" I whispered.

Felix snuck in beside me, a gigantic smile on his face. "It's Max! From Hot Topic!" The big guy almost looked like he was ready to jump and clap like I did.

Tyler came in a moment later with his boyfriend, though I couldn't remember his name. Each of them carried more boxes of what appeared to be electrical equipment of some sort.

"Hey Bella!" Tyler smiled happily. He dropped the box off on the stage before coming over to envelop me in a warm hug. "You remember Laurent, right?"

I shook Laurent's hand, thankful for the reminder on his name. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Well, we ran into Eddie and Felix at the bar the other night, and they were telling us about your big break." Tyler started.

Laurent jumped in to continue. "Well, Eddie was talking about how he really wanted to help you go big. I'm a theater geek, so I told him that dramatic lighting could really make a big difference."

Tyler proudly hugged his boyfriend around the waist. "So, he told his professor all about you and the band and, voila! You have stage lights!"

"And what is Max doing here?" I asked, trying to make sense of it all.

"Well, I sort of went to Felix when I screwed up the other day." Edward looked ashamed. "He took me to the mall for…what did you call it?" He turned to Fifi.

"Retail therapy." Felix explained.

"Right. '_Retail therapy.' _Anyway, we ran into Max and got to talking…"

"And he said that he had some experience running a light board back in high school. So he offered to help!" Felix jumped in.

Laurent shrugged. "Unfortunately, I'm better in front of the lights than behind them."

I turned to look at Edward, my eyes full of pride, love and wonder. "I know, I'm amazing, wonderful and incredible." He mumbled, embarrassed. "I'll find a way for you to thank me later." He winked. "For now, get back into the dressing room and let us handle things out here. Okay?"

I kissed him passionately, not caring who saw, thankful once again that this glorious man was mine. He swatted me on the ass playfully as I scurried off into the dressing room.

It felt like forever as we waited to be announced. It also felt like seconds.

Time was curving in on itself; past, present and future merging into a kaleidoscope of blurring moments.

Felix burst into the dressing room, breathless. "We're packed!" He shouted triumphantly.

"Woo hoo!" Emmet exclaimed enthusiastically.

"_No, you don't get it_…" Felix insisted. "We're over capacity. The bar is completely full and we still have a line of people going out towards the sidewalk that are waiting to get in!"

That knocked the wind right out of me.

"Are you serious?" Ali asked, dark eyes widening incredulously.

"Aro's tending the bar so Mike can help wait tables. Jessica and Angela are both out there and, if I didn't have to be on top of crowd control, I'm sure he'd have me in an apron too!" Felix explained excitedly. "The t-shirts are all sold out already. The execs walked in to find everyone wearing them, chanting for you guys!"

My legs were trembling. I couldn't believe it!

_This was really it! This was really our big break!_

"The execs are walking around, talking to people to find out what they think of you and how they like your music. They've even hit up Bree's parents for details."

_Uh-oh._ My chest was starting to ache and I was beginning to feel just the slightest bit dizzy. I knew this feeling. A minute or two longer and my lips would start tingling.

_Not now, Bella! Keep it together! Not fucking now!_

"Bella, baby?" I heard Edward call out from the dressing room door. I pushed through the others, anxious to get to him, lunging for him the moment he was in sight. "Baby, what's the matter?" He looked concerned.

"I need you, Edward. I need you!" I cried, fighting back the hysterics.

"I'm right here, baby. You're going to be fantastic, do you know that? They are absolutely going to love you." I clung to him, my ear against his chest, studying the steady, calming beat of his heart until the anxiety passed. No one else even saw it happen this time.

"I need to see you in the audience, Edward. _Can you be there? Can you watch me?"_ I begged, looking up into his warm, vibrant, loving green eyes.

"I'll be wherever you need me." He promised, tucking my hair behind my ears to cradle my face in his large, masculine hands.

"Your table. Stage left." I responded immediately.

He nodded. "You got it. Stage left."

He slung his arm around my shoulders, walking me back into the room to initiate a massive group hug with Felix and the band. He even gave us a pep talk which got the adrenaline flowing freely, blocking out any feelings of anxiety or fear. He kissed me sweetly on the lips before wishing us all luck and pulling Felix out the door.

"This is it, guys…" I energized, gripping Jasper and Rosie's hands beside me.

"Let's woo them!" Emmet yelled as we all broke out in laughter.

We walked from the dressing room towards the dimly lit stage door, slinking in the darkness to listen as Edward introduced us. He briefly worked the audience up into a riot before announcing us. We burst through the stage door, running excitedly onstage.

The stage was lit more brilliantly than ever before. I wasn't used to the lights, so it was difficult to see out into the audience, but I could see enough to tell that Fifi was right.

_The place was absolutely packed tight._

My chest started to squeeze as I realized that I couldn't make out any of the faces. Panic rose in me as I couldn't find a single familiar face in the crowd.

Something moved in the corner of my eye and there, kneeling to my left, just barely visible in the light that cascaded over the edge of the stage, were my green eyes.

The music started…and I sang…gazing down into those loving eyes whenever I felt like I might be losing it.

The audience response was deafening. They absolutely roared with delight at our antics, the applause sounding like a million thunder strikes at once.

Soon, I was floating on my adrenaline high, no longer dependant on my emerald fix. The rock star took over, working the mob into a frenzy as the girls and I swayed our hips mesmerizingly. Emmet gave the drums everything he had and Jazz was absolutely making love to his guitar on stage.

The group whooped and hollered as we excused ourselves for the break. In all truthfulness, we could have kept going strong right through the second set, but I didn't want to break away from the norm.

We yelled excitedly in the dressing room, jumping and dancing around anxiously, eager to get back on stage.

"They are _loving_ you!" Edward enthused as he snuck into the dressing room, picking me up and spinning me around to emphasize his excitement. "You all are _killing_ it!"

"Eddie, man…how did you do it? How did you get all these people here?" Em gawked.

Ever so humble, Edward shrugged his shoulders and bowed his head. "Well, the media helped. They took the original story and ran with it. All it took was a phone call to let them know about the execs being here tonight and most of them ran a follow up story."

Jazz shook his head. "I'm not buying it. There's got to be more."

Edward blushed. "Well, don't forget you already had a very large fan base. Jacob bought the entire Quileute nation with him. Momma Hale and Daddy C. are here, as is Charlie and a whole bunch of your regulars."

Rosie folded her arms. "Our regulars don't sound like that. Spill it." She ordered.

"Fine. Many of Phil's coworkers are here in tribute to Bree. Renee's contacted a lot of her old students. When Laurnet found out about the lighting issue, he spread the word around school and invited most of his classmates. Max passed the news around the mall. One of Bree's nurses read about you all in the paper. She remembered seeing Bella there and she got anyone who wasn't working tonight to come. It's a little bit of everybody. Everyone wants you guys to succeed." He shrugged his shoulders again, trying to belittle his part in all of it.

Happy, joyful tears stung at my eyes. "Rock stars don't cry, baby. It would ruin their make-up…and you already know how I feel about the Goth look." Edward teased, kissing each tear away.

"I gotta get back out there to help Felix keep the room under control. Keep it up and I promise you, you're on the road to fame and fortune!" He shouted as he strolled merrily out of the room.

We rode the euphoric rush through the second set, somehow managing to keep the energy in the room up, even during Bree's melancholy song. The energy shifted…but the audience stayed with us all the way.

Before long, we reached the end of our set with only one song left to go.

"You've all been a great crowd, so we'd like to thank you with something special. How'd you like to hear our newest song?" I teased.

They raged on excitedly, yelling enthusiastically.

"As you all know, we lost a very dear friend of ours recently. Bree Tanner was an amazing woman, and we were blessed to count her as one of our fans. Bree did more for me, personally, during her short time here on earth than I would think was humanly possibly. Most importantly, in addition to her friendship and the memories we shared, she gave me the greatest gift I could have ever imagined. She introduced me to someone who taught me that there were better things out there for me. To a man who taught me how to love myself first, and then taught me how to love him. No matter how hard I've tried, I've never been able to write a love song…that is, _until now_. Baby…I know you're out there. This is for you."

I scanned the crowd, attempting to look past the blinding lights to find his glorious face. I wanted to see him when he heard these words. I wanted to feel that same connection I had felt with him that very first night.

Once again, he stepped out from the shadows, sitting in the edge of the light that bathed the stage. My heart soared once again and I knew I would cry as I sang…but it was alright. Just last night, he had sat on this stage and poured his heart out to me in front of all these people.

Now it was my turn to do the same.

"_So perfectly imperfect._

_Impossible but true._

_I had given up searching_

_That's when I found you._

_And you're wrong in all the right ways._

_So completely incomplete._

_Just thinking of you_

_Makes my heart skip a beat,_

'_Cuz you're perfectly imperfect._

He smiled broadly, more than likely recalling the silly conversation that had originally inspired these words.

"_I never wanted_

_Mr. Right._

_Don't need Prince Charming_

_Or a shining White Knight._

_I just wanted to find_

_That one man_

_Who can love and accept me_

_Just the way I am-_

'_Cuz I'm perfectly imperfect._

"_You've got this crooked little smile._

_It's an adorable quirk._

'_Cuz there's a sparkle in your green eyes_

_That makes it work._

_You make the silliest faces,_

_Yet I still can't help but stare._

_Want to run my fingers_

_Through your unruly hair-_

'_Cuz it's so perfectly imperfect._

"_You're the only guy_

_Who makes me feel_

_It's okay to be me;_

_It's okay to be real._

_And everything I see_

_When I look at you_

_Is like my wildest dreams_

_Coming true-_

_So perfectly imperfect."_

Tears welled in his eyes as I realized…_he totally got it._ I smiled, happy tears trailing down my face as I looked into the eyes of the man I loved.

Everything around us disappeared. The lights, The fans. The record execs. The band. In that moment, it was just him and me. He lithely jumped onto the stage, lifting me up to kiss me deeply, passionately and sweetly.

And in that way, we declared our love for each other for the first time in front of the world.

I don't know what will happen next. I don't know if we'll get our big record deal. I'm not sure if Felix will start a relationship with Max the surfer boy or go back to Demetri. Maybe Jacob will find his happily ever after with Renesmee. Then again, maybe he won't.

What I do know is how to experience the world's greatest pleasure – physically, emotionally and spiritually. I do know that a broken heart can mend. I know that it's okay to fall apart sometimes, as long as you're willing to let good people help put you back together, even if you end up with a few screws loose. I know that each and every person who enters our lives has something worthwhile to teach us; whether they take us out to a gun range or they lie silently in bed and listen to us talk. I know its okay to rediscover yourself from time to time; to keep the things you like the best about yourself and be done with all the rest of it.

I know how to write a love song.

And I know that what I don't know strongly outweighs what I do.

There's a lot of learning ahead for me – but the most important thing that I've learned is that Edward Anthony Cullen will be there by my side, each and every step of the way.

_And I can't wait to get started._

**A/N:** _My writing has had wonderful support ever since I was a kid. My parents have always encouraged me to pursue it. My family tried numerous times to convince me to give it a try. Most recently, my friends have joined in the epic battle to get me to write. I won awards, even skipped a grade to enter a writing magnet program at one time, but I always convinced myself that I couldn't do it or that it wouldn't be any good._

_This was just a little story I came up with to see if I could follow through with it. It's no where near as brilliant as Stephenie Meyer's dream of a meadow, but it was a great experience for me anyway. I started this story on August 27__th__ and finished it (rewrites, edits and all) on October 14__th__. That is 427 pages – over 195,000 words – in 9 weeks time. If this work doesn't meet with positive reviews…even if I never write again…I am so very proud of myself for having taken this journey and I thank, from the very depths of my heart, each and every one of you who has joined me along the way._

_To those people who always told me I could, even when I didn't believe it myself…thank you._

_To the genius who is Stephenie Meyer…thank you._

_And, to the wonderfully supportive friend who held my hand as we walked down this road together…my Beta and Smut Dealer, whose friendship and love have taken me completely by surprise…thank_ you.

**2013 UPDATE:**** Follow the adventure in the sequel, Projects, Lessons, Lost & Found**


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